SPACE JAM

"Come on and SLAM, and welcome to the JAM! Come and SLAM, if you wanna JAM!"

What do you get when you cross Michael Jordon, The Looney Tunes, and a third rate Roger Rabbit rip-off? Why, Space Jam, of course! Poorly written by four people: Leo Benvenuti, Steve Rudnick, Timothy Harris, and Herschel Weingrod, it may surprise you to learn that Benvenuti and Rudnick worked together on The Santa Clause and Kicking and Screaming,  and Harris and Weingrod worked together on Trading Places, Brewster's Millions, Twins, and Kindergarten Cop. As for directing, Joe Pytka takes the helm, having only one other film to his credit (that being 1989's Let It Ride). Naturally the directing and script aren't good.

Space Jam was a film I grew up with and was kind of crazy about when it was first released. Now, as an adult, I can admit it's not that good. It's odd, weird, surreal, and mostly unfunny (Who thought Michael Jordon and The Looney Tunes would mix well? The end product ends up feeling more like at attempt at synergy than anything else). The live-actors and cartoons don't play off each other well, and the attempt to animate the live-actors in certain moments leads to some truly disturbing images.

It's surprising that Space Jam managed to get a fairly good cast of both voice-actors and live-actors. The film features appearances from Wayne Knight (from Jurassic Park and Seinfeld), Bill Murray, Larry Bird, Charles Barkley, Shawn Bradley, Patrick Ewing, Larry Johnson, and Muggsy Bogues. Knight is annoying (his character is written to be annoying), and Murray does one of his famous "I'm not acting today" performances.  Michael Jordon is definitely not an actor, but he seems to be enjoying his time with the Looney Tunes, so that's something I guess. As far as the voice cast goes we get Bill Farmer (Sylvester, Yosemite Sam, and Foghorn Leghorn), Billy West (Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd), Dee Bradley Baker (Daffy Duck, Taz), Danny DeVito (Mr. Swackhammer), Bob Bergen (Marvin The Martian, Porky Pig, Tweety), June Foray (Grannie), and Kath Soucie (Lola Bunny...who only exists to be disturbingly sexualized).

While most of Space Jam is pretty odd and disjointed (Ex: The film tries to mix in elements of Michael Jordon's professional life, like his short-lived attempt at Baseball stardom and his eventual return to the world of Basketball. An alternate title for the film could have been 'How Michael Got His Groove Back'.), The final 35 minutes is  complete madness as we are treated to one of the most insane, illegal  basketball games ever (there is quite a bit of attempted murder and lots of rule-breaking. This is Looney Tunes rules, so I guess maybe we should just let it slide?) . In the end, the animated segments and characters are pretty well done, the soundtrack is actually very good, and while (as previously stated) Space Jam is certainly not good it is entertaining enough and fairly harmless (though the word "dull" can be used to describe some parts).

Space Jam is a film firmly stuck in the 90s, making it a bizarre slice of nostalgia for anyone who was lucky (or unlucky) enough to grow up in that era.

2.5 STARS

MOVIE NEWS: AMC BANS ALL UNIVERSAL FILMS

2nd UPDATE

*Sigh*. Well, I guess I won't be going back to theaters for a while once they reopen. Cineworld, which owns Regal, has joined AMC in banning Universal films at their theaters.Their statement reads as such:

"Universal unilaterally chose to break our understanding and did so at the height of the Covid-19 crisis when our business is closed, more than 35,000 employees are at home and when we do not yet have a clear date for the reopening of our cinemas. Universal’s move is completely inappropriate and certainly has nothing to do with good faith business practice, partnership and transparency. Mooky Greidinger, Cineworld’s CEO approached Brian Roberts, the Chairman of Comcast, back in 19th of March (after Universal announced that Trolls 2 would be released in breach of the window) and told him among other things that: 'Nice words from your team are worthless if we cannot trust you as a partner. The message that the media has portrayed is: “Hollywood breaks the window” – well, this is not true! All our partners called us in timely manner and told us that in the current situation they want to shorten window for movies that were already released as cinemas are closing, most importantly, they all reassured us that there will be no change to their window policy once the cinema business returned. Unfortunately I missed similar message in Universal’s announcement… not only did Universal provide no commitment for the future window – but Universal was the only studio that tried to take advantage of the current crisis and provide a ‘day-and-date’ release of a movie that was not yet released'...Today we make it clear again that we will not be showing movies that fail to respect the windows as it does not make any economic sense for us."

So, it looks like I'll be boycotting AMC and Regal once they re-open. This sucks!


1st UPDATE

And the war continues: NATO (National Association of Theater Owners) has made a statement as well about Universal: "Universal does not have reason to use unusual circumstances in an unprecedented environment as a springboard to bypass true theatrical releases." Universal didn't approve of their comments, and accused NATO and AMC of being in cahoots. A spokesperson for Universal had this to say: "Our desire has always been to efficiently deliver entertainment to as wide an audience as possible...We absolutely believe in the theatrical experience and have made no statement to the contrary. As we stated earlier, going forward, we expect to release future films directly to theatres, as well as on PVOD when that distribution outlet makes sense. We look forward to having additional private conversations with our exhibition partners but are disappointed by this seemingly coordinated attempt from AMC and NATO to confuse our position and our actions."

NATO responded to Universal's claims, saying : "Indeed, AMC had no comment on NATO’s draft statement when sent to NATO’s Board of Directors, nor did AMC participate in the Board deliberations regarding that statement. Regarding AMC’s reported letter to Universal, NATO had no involvement with nor knowledge of that letter before reading about it in the press....Unfortunately Universal has a destructive tendency to both announce decisions affecting their exhibitor partners without actually consulting with those partners, and now of making unfounded accusations without consulting with their partners." It hasn't taken long, but things have gotten quite ugly in the world of movie theaters. As one exhibition insider put it: "This is war — I haven’t seen it this bad since Disney hiked rental terms up before they started releasing the Avengers movies.”

I will continue to post updates as they occur. The original story is below.

This decade has been off to a rocky start, with COVID19 causing a global pandemic and potentially forever altering social etiquette and changing the face of the entertainment industry as we know it. With theaters shuttered for the time being, Video On Demand (or VOD) has become the new theatrical experience for the time being.

Universal's Trolls World Tour was slated for a theatrical release on April 10, 2020. Due to COVID19 sweeping the globe and people being quarantined in their homes in an attempt to curb the spread of the virus, theaters across the globe shut down. Numerous titles were pushed back months to years. Unfortunately for Universal, their marketing campaign for Trolls World Tour was already in full swing and they were faced with a tough choice. They could significantly delay TWT and pay all over again for a new marketing campaign once theaters re-open, or they could try something new: save costs and release the film directly to PVOD, accepting that the film wouldn't make as much as it would in theaters. They chose to go for the latter option, and TWT would go on to gross nearly $100 M in revenue.

This potentially marked a new era for films, PVOD had just become a viable release option for theatrical films in the future. During an interview with The Wall Street Journal, NBCUniversal CEO Jeff Shell went on record saying "The results for Trolls World Tour have exceeded our expectations and demonstrated the viability of PVOD...As soon as theaters reopen, we expect to release movies on both formats". This would mean their films could potentially be released both in theaters and on PVOD, or some films would go to theaters and others directly to PVOD. Naturally, this didn't sit well with AMC, the largest movie retail chain in the world.

AMC co-chairman Adam Aron fired back, releasing a lengthy statement to Chairman of Universal Studios, Donna Langley: "Universal is breaking the business model and dealings between our two companies. It assumes that we will meekly accept a reshaped view of how studios and exhibitors should interact, with zero concern on Universal’s part as to how its actions affect us. It also presumes that Universal in fact can have its cake and eat it too, that Universal film product can be released to the home and theatres at the same time, without modification to the current economic arrangements between us.It is disappointing to us, but Jeff's comments as to Universal's unilateral actions and intentions have left us with no choice. Therefore, effective immediately AMC will no longer play any Universal movies in any of our theaters in the United States, Europe or the Middle East....[This] is not some hollow or ill-considered threat."

AMC is not exactly in the place to be making such ill-fated decisions. They are currently $4.9 B in debt, and are on the verge of filing for bankruptcy. Universal will certainly lose money over this decision (AMC IS the largest theater chain in the world), but it's likely AMC that has the most to lose. Universal currently has Candyman, Halloween Kills, Halloween Ends,  Jurassic World: Dominion, The Forever Purge/The Purge 5,  Sing 2, Fast And Furious 9,  The Boss Baby 2, and Minions: Rise of Gru as upcoming releases (as well as many other films). A good deal of those films are guaranteed to bring in quite a pretty penny. If audiences can't see these movies at AMC, they will just go elsewhere (What, does AMC think guests would just opt not to see them instead?). The decision will end up hurting both parties, but AMC will likely come out worse-for-wear as compared to Universal.

AMC, frankly, is not in a position to walk away from that kind of money without potentially sinking their entire chain. It's understandable that they would be upset and fearful about the future of the film entertainment industry and the future of movie theaters, but now is not the time to be a petty bitch about things. By reacting so harshly, AMC may have just dealt themselves a fatal blow. Let's hope they backpedal before it's too late.

*all credit for my info goes to Deadline.

POPEYE (1980)

Not a bad film, but not really good either. It's a mumble-core musical comedy that is committed to being a live-action cartoon. The characters act and move in over-exaggerated, cartoon-ish ways. The expansive set for Sweet Haven is impressive too, and still stands on Malta to this day (You can explore the set for a small fee).

Robin Williams is perfectly cast as Popeye (This was his film debut), and is the best character and actor in the movie (Doesn't help that the citizens of Sweet Haven are generally unlikable). Shelly Duvall looks and sounds exactly like Olive Oyl, but her singing is just the worst. Paul L. Smith plays Bluto, and he's fine enough (although his singing voice is dubbed over by John Wallace). Ray Walston (Best known for My Favorite Martian, as well as numerous film roles) isn't great as Poopdeck Pappy. Bill Irwin (best known for Lou Lou Who in Jim Carrey's The Grinch and as Carey Loudermilk in the series Legion. This was his first film role) is one of the standouts of the ensemble (the guy always running after his hat), his physical comic performance is well-done.

Harry Nilsson (a prolific singer/songwriter) did the songs and music for the film, but the words are tough to make out for each one (with subtitles, it becomes clear the songs aren't written well either), and the songs generally don't sound good (the only song that gets close to good is the opening song, Sweet Haven).

 Robert Altman directs, but he is a poor fit. One of his trademarks is overlapping or mumbled dialogue, and most of the characters here mumble their lines. Giuseppe Rotunno (known for his camerawork on Fellini Satyricon, All That Jazz, Adventures of Baron Munchausen, and the Sabrina remake. He was one of Frederico Fellini's favorite cameramen) was in charge of cinematography. In Popeye though, he just basically lets the camera roll. There is nothing noteworthy about the camerawork here, as it feels lazy and uninspired.

The film also doesn't have much of a plot (Popeye rows his way to Sweet Haven in search of his long-lost Pappy. While there comes into possession of Sweet Pea, a Baby who can predict the future, falls for Olive Oyl, and makes enemies with Olive's suitor Bluto). Popeye acts as an origin story for our beloved Sailor Man, but the film isn't all that compelling or engaging. That said, you can tell passion went into making this film. It's biggest problems are all the mumbling (which works in the Popeye cartoons, but doesn't here), the uninspired and basic songs, and some moments of wackiness that are played up too much.

I wouldn't say Popeye is painful. It is around 2 hours long, and doesn't move too quickly, so I could understand complaints that it's slow or boring, but I would argue that it's not bad. It's messy, confused, chaotic, and misguided, but it's heart is in the right place and it's clearly trying. When all is said and done, Popeye makes for an interesting watch and remains a memorable flop.

FUN FACT: Popeye actually yells "Shit!" in one scene.

2.5 Stars

ISHTAR DESERVES IT'S STATUS AS A BAD FILM

"This is unbelievable."

Ishtar gets its name from the Mesopotamian goddess of love and war, and naturally the film deals heavily with both themes...albeit comedically. The film follows a pair of stupid, horrifically untalented lounge singers (Lyle played by Warren Beatty and Chuck played by Dustin Hoffman, they share very little chemistry) who write and perform their own songs, dreaming of one day getting their very own record. Broke and struggling, they take the advice of their agent and head out to perform a gig in Morocco, stopping in the war torn Ishtar on the way. Unfortunately, once in Ishtar both get entangled in its current power struggle, the search for a fabled map, romancing a pretty female revolutionary (Shirra played by Isabelle Adjani), and an age-old prophecy that speaks of two messengers from God. Madness ensues.

Ishtar is an anti-comedy (much like Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job). I would argue that it not being funny is the joke (although you can't help but imagine the filmmakers laughing their butts off at every failed joke). The songs Lyle and Chuck write and perform are just the worst, and neither person is capable of even holding a note (Oh yes, your ears will bleed... A LOT). You want them to give up and get actual jobs so they can support themselves. The two share an odd, co-dependent  relationship, although  most of the film centers around their infatuation with Shirra.

Ishtar is racist and misogynistic. There are plenty of jokes aimed at middle easterners, and poor Isabelle Adjani is asked to stand around, do nothing, and look pretty as two bozos drool all over her (Warren Beatty even takes part in an extended, uncomfortable groping scene. It's crazy to think this film was directed and written by a woman).Elaine May writes and directs, and proves to be dreadfully incompetent at both (ex: There is a lengthy, choppy flashback montage that occurs early on in the film). She also helped write the songs along with Paul Williams, Bruce Gordon, Warren Beatty, and Dustin Hoffman. Unfortunately, the film gets so bad that eventually you can't help but root for our two unlikable idiots to bite the literal bullet.

Ishtar is highly regarded as the worst film ever made, and the honest truth is it just might be. It's downright painful.  Fans of anti-humor might find much to enjoy here, but everyone else need not apply.

0.5 STARS

HAPPY 40TH ANNIVERSARY TO HEAVEN'S GATE

DISCLAIMER: The version I watched was the director's cut, which runs at 3 hours and 39 minutes (luckily it does come with an intermission).

Widely regarded as one of the worst films ever made, I say the time has come to re-visit and re-evaluate Heaven's Gate. It is VERY loosely based upon The Johnson County War of 1892 (I can't speak for how accurate its portrayal of the American West is. It paints an unsympathetic, ugly, decidedly unromantic picture of the West, and it doesn't find anything nice to say about The old West and even America today, to an extent).  Written and directed by Michael Cimino (and indeed,  the script does shine at times), Heaven's Gate follows lawman James Averill (Kris Kristofferson), as he finds himself embroiled in a war between the small county of immigrants he oversees and the U.S. Govt., which has hired a hit squad to eradicate most of the immigrants in his county mainly due to disgusting racism and prejudice.

Kris Kristofferson, Christopher Walken (as Nate Champion), and Isabelle Huppert (as Ella Watson) are great in their roles. Huppert's Ella is a struggling yet strong woman who has turned to prostitution in an effort to support herself. Walken's Champion is the most interesting character in the film. Champion is an immigrant who has turned against his own kind for monetary reasons, and has become a racist himself. I won't say where Champion ends up, but he has a great arc. Kristofferson excels as a moralistic, wealthy lawman who has "betrayed his class" by choosing to protect immigrants. John Hurt also has a memorable supporting performance as William C. Irvine: a wealthy, cowardly drunkard who is barely able to hide his disgust for his peers and their murderous plans, and himself for not being strong enough to oppose them.

Heaven's Gate is incredibly long (the wide theatrical release in 1980 ran at 2 hours and 29 minutes, so still a lengthy watch no matter which version you choose to view), and it tends to be self-indulgent at the worst of times. The film is very casually paced, and some of the dialogue can be hard to make out (That's what subtitles are for, I guess). There's also a romantic triangle subplot between Champion, Averill, and Ella that isn't all that compelling or interesting yet takes up a good chunk of screen time nonetheless. The opening 20 minutes feel like they could have been cut (Only exists to set up how some of our characters know each other), and the final 10 minutes or so feel rushed and sloppy.

Surprisingly, Heaven's Gate is easily one of the most graphic, violent and disturbing films I have seen...though things don't really get nasty until the third act. The action scenes are shocking and horrific. Multiple animals were killed or injured during production, and I'd bet plenty of actors and stuntmen suffered injuries as well. If that's not your kind of thing (and really, who could blame you?), then Heaven's Gate is not the film for you.

Fortunately, the positive elements of Heaven's Gate outweigh the negatives. As stated above, the acting is great all around. The cinematography (by Vilmos Zsigmond) and visuals are consistently breath-taking (There's also some color-tinting utilized throughout). The whole film is like looking at a series of gorgeous paintings. The messages about how little things have changed since the late 1800s, the continued persecution of the lower-classes, the demonization of immigrants, the corruption of the rich and wealthy, and how lawful the law really is are still strong, pertinent, and thought-provoking today (some might say controversial, too).

Heaven's Gate's impact was historic. It's production was troubled, to put it politely. (There is even a book all about the making of Heaven's Gate called Final Cut.). It basically destroyed United Artists for a while, led to directors having less power in the industry, destroyed the reputation of its director, resulted in studios having more control over budgets, as well as tighter film productions overall. In short: Heaven's Gate more-or-less helped to change the way things worked in Hollywood (For better? For worse? Who knows?)

Despite it's legacy as a terrible film, Heaven's Gate really isn't terrible. I've seen many films that are so much worse than this (Ishtar jumps to mind). It's by no means a perfect film or a masterpiece, and it is not without its flaws, but there was a clear passion that went into making it, and the high quality of some of the technical aspects is undeniable. This year marks the 40th anniversary of Heaven's Gate, and I say it's well-past time that it gets a second look. It deserves at least that much.

4 STARS

CATS IS DEFINITELY TRIPPING ON SOMETHING

Cats is a film that really has to be seen to be believed. The experience of viewing it cannot be properly described in a review. That said, it's time to talk about Cats.

Let's start with the stage musical. Cats premiered on May 11, 1981 at The New London Theater in London and started its Broadway run October 7, 1982. It broke a record for ticket pre-sales on Broadway: $6.2 million, and was the most expensive Broadway show ever at the time costing $5.5 million to produce . Cats is adapted from Old Opossum's Book of Practical Cats by T.S. Elliot (published in 1939), with music by Andrew Lloyd Webber. It lacks any real plot, following a large group of Jellicile cats that are each competing/vying for a chance to be reborn into a better life. The London production opened to rave reviews, while Broadway's reception was more mixed. Cats remains Broadway's fourth longest running show of all time, with 7,485 performances. Despite it's financial success on stage, Cats is incredibly divisive. People that love the show are crazy about it, and people that hate it frickin despise it. This brings us to 2019. 

Cats 2019 doesn't have much of a plot either. An abandoned cat named Victoria (Francesca Hayward) is taken in by the Jellicle cats and invited to watch their competition for who gets to be reborn/ "Go to the Heavy Side Layer". The rest of the film is just each competitor singing about him/herself while an evil cat named Macavity (Idris Elba) magics away his competition. It's anything but exciting. Luckily, unlike the stage productions, this film version constantly changes settings and there's always something weird, surreal, uncomfortable, or random to keep you awake. Judi Dench (as Old Deuteronomy), Francesca Hayward, Taylor Swift (as Bombalurina), James Cordon (as Bustopher Jones), Idris Elba,  Ian McKellen (as Gus The Theater Cat), Robbie Fairchild (as Munkustrap), and Jennifer Hudson (as Grizabella, she nails 'Memory') aren't terrible but you can't help but feel that they aren't being helped by appearing in this film.

The CGI is uneven and inconsistent: the quality of the vfx jump between the spectrum of really good to OH GOD, I'M BLIND, sometimes between shots. The cats themselves certainly look bad (and this is the cleaned up version). They resemble something a furry might dream about/have a nightmare about. It's confusing why they chose to go this route when just having the actors wear spandex and leotards ala the stage productions would have cost less and been less distracting/nightmare inducing.  

The backgrounds can also go from looking visually impressive and imaginative to resembling a poorly rendered video game cut-scene. There was screen tearing in some scenes as well. The whole film looks and feels very fake, it almost feels like you are watching a fully CGI film with no live-action elements at all.  

As for the music production...it's not good either. The opening notes of the film had me checking to see if my ears were bleeding. There are a lot of bad, cheesy synths and such. That said, some of the songs are catchy and memorable (my favorite being Macavity, despite it having the single most nightmare inducing visual in the whole film).The editing by Melanie Ann Oliver is hectic, confused, and doesn't always make sense. The cinematography by Christopher Ross is good at times, pretty poor at others (the musical sequences generally aren't well shot. One example is the Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat song.). Andy Blankenbuehler was in charge of Choreography, and it's not great (though that might be for the above stated reason: The songs aren't shot well). Tom Hooper directed and co-wrote Cats (with Lee Hall), and he leaves much to be desired in both categories.

Apparently, there was an attempt to make an animated musical version of Cats with Don Bluth many years back that never panned out. Unfortunately, that is likely the only way a screen version of Cats would have worked. This 2019 miscarriage is pure madness. None of the choices this film makes make sense (Examples: two cats, and ONLY two cats, can be seen wearing sneakers throughout the film with no explanation. The last song features a baffling bad decision on Tom Hooper's part that solidly cements this film as shit).

There was never really any question if Cats 2019 was going to be bad....the question was exactly how bad was it going to be? The answer is: Worse than you can imagine. I'm not exactly sure I can say it's better or worse than the Broadway show, but both are definitely bad. I CAN say however that if given the choice to sit and watch the Broadway production or the 2019 film version, I would choose the film. I'm not saying I liked this film, I didn't. That said, I do appreciate an abysmally bad film and Cats transported me to a whole new solar system of awful. It's certainly something I hated BUT...I'd say it's still a must-see for any lover of terrible films (it also helps if you watch it while on mind-altering substances, so I've been told). Cats 2019 is a masterpiece of bad. 

0.5 STARS