Beetlejuice's Hangout

BEETLE ENDURED WHAT MAY BE THE MOST UNPLEASANT AND PAINFUL MOVIE-GOING EXPERIENCE OF HIS LIFE: STAR WARS: EPISODE ONE THE PHANTOM MENACE 3-D

2012-02-11T19:23:00.000-08:00

I come before you humble readers today, on my hands and knees, begging forgiveness. I know I have bad-mouthed The Phantom Menace 3D quite recently, and I had every right to do so, but the fact of the matter is the last time I had seen the damned film was when I was nine. So, for whatever reason, I decided to make the trek to my local cinema yesterday to witness the highly hyped Phantom Menace 3D conversion. My humble readers, I made a grave mistake.

I suppose I was hoping that maybe time had been nice to the film, maybe it's one of the rare films where it's sucky when it first comes out but it gets better with age. After the first twenty minutes or so I realized to my horror that I had misjudged how bad one film could be.

So, what exactly is The Phantom Menace about??? Boring stuff, that's what, and what could more boring than....you guessed it, politics/government. Yup, There's a Star Wars film that is SOLELY about Government...this one. The whole film centers around a trade blockade around the planet Naboo. Jedi Knight Qui- Gon Jiin and his apprentice Obi Wan Kenobi are dispatched in an attempt to come to an agreement with The Trade Federation, the ones who set up the blockade. Of course, the blockade is not quite what it appears to be, as it is revealed that a member of The Galactic Senate set it up so he could commence his rise to power. Naturally, nobody else ever figures this out except for us, the audience. Either way the two Jedi's end up escaping an assassination attempt, rescuing the Naboo queen, and somehow find themselves stranded on Tattoine where they pick up young Vader-to-be Anakin Skywalker...Oh, and the infernally annoying Jar Jar Binks tags along for the ride (If you don't know who Jar Jar is...consider yourself lucky)

Jar Jar Binks and the tragic miscasting of Jake Lloyd as Anakin aside, what makes Episode One so bad, so unbearable??? Well, to put it as simply as possible: NOTHING. FUCKING. HAPPENS. Seriously, NOTHING HAPPENS, NOTHING!!!! Phantom Menace has got to be one of the most BORING films I've ever had to see. I'm seriously thinking about buying this film, just so I can put it on if I ever find myself stricken with a bad case of insomnia. The only important events that occur are minimal: Anakin leaves his mom (and the only reason that's important is that ends up becoming the catalyst for Anakin's turn to the dark side, that's right folks. Anakin's motivation to become one of the most evil, feared, and loved villains in movie history is because he's got mommy issues but that's a tale for episode two) and the blockade exists (and that's important because it helps Palpatine to become the feared Emperor, even though that arc won't be fully completed until a whopping two movies later). So, what events of importance happen in Episode one, barely any. But hey, at least there will be the exciting action scenes we've all come to know and love from Star Wars.

Whoops, there's only two. FUCKING TWO ACTION SCENES IN THE DAMNED FILM!!!! The rest of the film are characters talking about trivial bullshit and discussing politics and how Anakin should be trained as a Jedi/should not be trained as a Jedi. Remember how the original Star Wars Trilogy was exciting, had memorable characters, and kept us on the edge of the seats....yeah, don't expect that from Phantom Menace. So if hearing characters talk about uninteresting topics is what you call excitement, then Phantom Menace is chalk full of "excitement".

For most of the film, I was more so mildly annoyed and bored than I was outright angry...but for me the turning point in which I embraced my rage was during the final action scene. Why???? 1. Jar Jar WOULD NOT DIE. Allow me to explain, apparently the Gungan leader (that's the alien species Jar Jar belongs to) had some sort of severe brain hemorrhage and decides to promote Jar Jar, who had recently been banned from the Gungan underwater city due to his clumsiness in an effort to apparently stop him from eventually killing them all off, to the rank of general. FUCKING GENERAL. DUDE, for the whole film this retard-ate has done NOTHING but bumble around and you've decided to make him A FUCKING GENERAL???!!!!! DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH???!!!!! So, a battle erupts between the droid army sent by The Trade Federation,and The Gungans and The Naboo, and Jar Jar finds himself trapped in the middle of it....yet, he makes it out in one piece, in fact his idiotic bumbling helps to save the day!!! Talk about a lapse in logic. Bumbling idiot+huge epic battle= INSTANT DEATH.....that's what should have happened, but NO....apparently because Jar Jar has the power of George Lucas on his side he makes it out alive, helps to save the day, and is declared a hero.

The second thing that really got my blood boiling is that Anakin, a young ten year old boy, single-handedly wins the above mentioned battle by ACCIDENTALLY blowing up the Trade Federation ship's core. Once again let me repeat that, A ten year old boy accidentally blows up the bad guy's ship core and saves the day. Ten year old kid, by accident, blows up ship, wins battle.....DOES. NOT . COMPUTE!!!!! Now I'm not saying that a ten year old purposefully blowing up a ships core would make any more sense to me....what I'm saying is that the ten year old should not have been included in the battle. There are dozens of hardened battle vets that are fighting against that ship, and they are epicly failing, suddenly a ten year old comes in and does the thing that hardened fighters could not BY FUCKING ACCIDENT??!! NO, FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS....NO!!!!

In an effort to appease the fans Lucas threw popular characters into Phantom menace in almost non-existent roles. C-3P0 shows up for maybe a total of three minutes, Jabba The Hut stops in to say hi and disappears just as quickly, and R2-D2 pops his head in every now and then just to say BEEP BOOP BEEP BEEP. It feels like Lucas was cheaply trying to please long time fans by throwing in familiar faces. this would be ok, if he actually gave them worthwhile roles, but he doesn't. So the result is more disappointing than anything else.

Oh, and one last thing: Midi-chlorians. What does that word mean???? It means bullshit and a ton of rage and hurt for longtime Star Wars fans. It's a middle finger to fans and is George Lucas's ultimate bastardization of a crucial element to The Star Wars Saga: The Force. According to Phantom Menace Midi-chlorians are microscopic organisms that reside within everything and either are The Force or help us to detect the presence of The Force or some bullshit like that. Either way, it doesn't make sense and only serves to tarnish The Force itself. Oh, and apparently Anakin was created purely by midi-chlorians since they seem to have an unusually high presence in the boy's blood...oh, and Anakin wasn't produced by a dad (hence why the two Jedi assume The Force/midi-chlorians produced the boy). That's right folks, Lucas is trying to turn Darth Vader into Jesus. FACEPALM

So as you can see, I was angered....enraged even. The simple act of watching this film is enough to turn any Jedi Knight over to the dark side. But enough about the nonsensical bullshit that makes up this film, it's time to talk about the 3D.

The 3D, for what it is, is surprisingly impressive and breathtaking most of the time. The scenes in space give space an eerie and beautiful depth that make those scenes more jaw-dropping than ever, The scenes on Coruscant are fantastic, and the two action set pieces (The pod race and final war) are made even more amazing in 3D. That said, for the most part the 3D was uneven and inconsistent. We'd go from scenes with amazing depth to scenes that felt flat, like cardboard almost. We'd go from scenes with crystal quality, to scenes where everything was blurry. While for the most part the 3D works fine (more than fine in fact), there are areas where the 3D doesn't shine like it should or even hurts the film. It's a far from perfect conversion, but it will be sure to hold your attention nonetheless and I've got to say that without the 3D I would have walked out of this film half way through...so that's got to be worth something....right?

Star Wars Episode one The Phantom Menace 3D is the first film ever where I caught myself actually trying to take a nap in the film....that's how bored I was, where a good snooze was preferable to watching the film. For a film that bears the Star Wars name....that's really sad....in fact, unacceptable. So, overall I'd give Episode one itself half a star out of five (a big ole FUCK YOU. I figure since Lucas gave me the finger, it's only fair I give him the finger in return), the 3D I'd give three stars out of five...it was good for what it was, but it did need some tweaking here and there....at least it's obvious that Lucas and team didn't half-ass it here and actually put forth a good deal of effort. So, what would I rate the overall experience???? One star, one measly little star.

So, while I can't recommend this film to anyone, I can say that if by some strange reason you find yourself attending a screening of this film, feel comforted by the fact that you will be getting your extra money's worth as far as the 3D goes....I just wish I could say more for the film itself.

1/5 Stars SOME OLE BULLSHIT

Oh, and my theater was packed to the brim with people, most of whom cheered and applauded when the end credits rolled. Morons.

BEETLE SAYS SKIP PHANTOM MENACE 3D AND SEE CHRONICLE INSTEAD

2012-02-08T18:56:00.000-08:00

Chronicle chronicles the lives of three ordinary turned extraordinary teens who, after making a fantastic discovery, realize they have been given the gift of telekinesis. The teens decide to use the new gift for entertainment purposes,and it's all fun and games until one of them decides to use the gift to unleash years of pent up rage.

The teen who turns bad is Andrew (Dane DeHaan), the main focal point of our story. He has been picked on for years by his peers and by his own father as well, who seems to take joy in beating Andrew senseless. Andrew is one of the ultimate social outcasts, and I assume many audience members would be able to relate to his character and his actions throughout the film. He is essentially what Darth Vader/Anakin should have been in the Star Wars prequels. When he finally loses control, it's a completely liberating and yet terrifying thing to watch. The other teens in the story are Steve (Michael B. Jordan), the popular kid in school who is running for class president, and Matt (Alex Russel), Andrew's cousin who acts as the main "hero" of the film.

One of the strongest things about the film is the friendship dynamic found within it. It is completely believable that these three characters are best friends, and it's fun to watch their bond strengthen before it ultimately falls apart at the end.

I really do love this film, but if I had to choose one element that I consider to be the weakest, it would have to be the found footage angle. It doesn't feel as if characters are recording this with cameras, and this aspect of the film is never used to its full potential until the final, exhilarating fight that serves as the climax for the film. During this fight, multiple cameras are used to capture the action including news footage, Iphones/cameras, police dashboard cams, etc. It's very fast-paced and is sure to leave your head spinning in a good a way. This scene marks one of the most original uses of the found footage gimmick I've seen, it's too bad the rest of the film only shows glimmers of the greatness to come. Also, some of the effects could have been better, but that never really detracted from my experience here.

Chronicle runs at a swift hr and 24 mins, it does its job and then leaves, never outstaying it's welcome. Many may claim it's short running time to be a detractor, but I say it's a plus. It's also fun to be able to watch these characters play with their powers, Flying through clouds, playing pranks on unsuspecting people in a toy store and finally putting on one heck of a talent show that not only wows the on-screen audience, it wows us too!!! It's nice that the film allows us to have fun with the characters before it all goes to hell (in a good way!!!).

The film does raise some interesting questions for the viewer. If given these powers, what would you do with them? Honestly, I'm not so sure I'd use them for good.

Chronicle is a very different kind of film, and it's actually pretty hard to describe what it is. To say it's a super-hero film would be lying because these teens aren't super-heroes nor do they act like super-heroes. I guess the best way to describe Chronicle is that it's a new kind of found footage film that puts a new twist on a story we have seen before. While it does take a while to get to the good stuff, once it does it's just about impossible to turn away. I'd say Chronicle feels like everything the Star Wars Prequels should have been. With Phantom Menace 3D being released tomorrow, my advice is see Chronicle instead. Not only is it the better film, but since it's not in 3D it costs less, so you'll be saving some hard earned dough.

4.5 / 5 Stars

HAHA: BEETLE REVEALS THE PURPOSE OF HIS LAST POST

2012-01-31T00:16:00.000-08:00

If you've read my last post, you may be wondering what is up. Please, allow me to explain. There is NO SUCH THING as an actual Hollywood Tower Hotel. So, why did I post a review of it??? Why, as an introduction to the actual review today.

The Hollywood Tower Hotel only exists in your imagination, and at Disney's Hollywood Studios. Guests are welcome to book a stay there, but don't expect to be checking out anytime soon.

The Hollywood Tower Hotel at Disney's Hollywood Studio is home to one of the most thrilling and well themed attractions in the industry: The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. This attraction is an elaborate free-fall ride that sends guests on a hair-raising runaway elevator ride up and down and up and down thirteen scream inducing stories. Don't be surprised if you need to take some time out after your adventure to catch your breath.

The story is the same as the history of the hotel I posted in the previous thread. Hollywood Tower Hotel is a beacon for the Hollywood elite, but on one night a fateful lightning storm would send an entire floor of the hotel along with an elevator carrying some notable guests crashing straight into The Twilight Zone. Now, the hotel has re-opened and you, the new unwitting guests are offered the chance to book a stay there....but your room lies beyond the 5th dimension and you have to take a service elevator to get there. That's right, tonight you will be starring in your very own episode of the Twilight Zone, narrated by Rod Serling himself.

The Hotel itself is quite breathtaking. Right from the scarred and charred exterior (a truly imposing and threatening structure if I ever saw one), you can tell not all is right with The Hollywood Tower. Should you make the wise choice to book a stay at the hotel, you will find yourself first winding through a densely overgrown exterior queue which I refer to as The Gardens. Lush trees and bushes tower over you and surround you, luckily there are signs that will point you in the right direction. As you wind your way closer to the entrance , you will come across a defunct fountain (dried and cracked) and several decrepit and creepy statues. Eventually, you make it through the doorway and straight into the decaying Lobby of The Hollywood Tower Hotel. The centerpiece is a decrepit owl statue surrounded by dead roses and flowers. The whole lobby is covered in cobwebs and the people who used to occupy this area seem to have disappear mid-activity. There is luggage strewn around, a hat and cane, a Mahjong game that is stuck mid-move, a book with a page frozen mid-turn, and other really neat and creepy touches. We can clearly see the Front Desk, but no one is manning it. A bellhop will escort you to The Library (filled with props from The Twilight Zone television series, please feel free to browse around) while you wait for them to finish preparing your room. As you make your way to the Library entrance you will pass by the main elevator doors which appear to have been blown outwards by some strong force inside, they have a sign placed around them saying Out Of Order.

Once inside The Library, a particularly fierce storm seems to have started outside, lighting strikes and plunges the room into darkness and a TV flashes on. The into to The Twilight Zone Plays and Rod Serling appears to inform us what we are about to experience, should we choose to trek on wards. After this the back door of the Library slides open, and a bellhop informs us that our room is now ready and we are to board a maintenance Service elevator which will take us up to our room. We exit the Library and make our way through the dark, atmospheric, and creepy Boiler Room. At the center of the room we meet another bellhop who will direct us to an elevator and assign us a row. Once the elevator doors open, you move into the creepy looking elevator and take your seat. The elevators used to have lap bars, but those were later replaced by seat belts...thus most seats don't have something you can hold onto. This is why I usually aim for the seat closest to the wall...the wall has a small lever that I tend to grasp onto tightly for the duration of the ride. After you are buckled in and your bellhop finishes the safety check and dispenses a few final words of wisdom, the elevator doors slide shut and your're on your own as the elevator ascends into it's very own episode of The Twilight Zone.

This is where my review stops, I don't want to give too much away after all. All I can say is that the ride itself will take you on a very quick tour of the hotel, after which you will enter the 5th dimension for a harrowing series of ups and downs (the elevators reach a top speed of 39 MPH in the span of 1.5 seconds, the biggest drop on the ride is 13 stories and there is a good chance you will experience a fall from this height several times) that seem to never end. Each drop sequence is chosen at random by the Tower itself (Not even the bellhops or ride operators know which drop sequence you will experience, and each time you ride you will wind up with a different series of drops so, like the old tagline used to say, it's never the same fear twice).

Now, a word of encouragement. I, myself, have a decent sized fear of heights and falling, called Acrophobia. I DO NOT like free fall rides, but I have been on a few in my time and The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror is probably the one I enjoy the most. The combination of the unique storytelling method, elaborate theming, and intense thrills actually lead to me to consider it as more of a unique thrill ride than a free fall ride. That's right, I do not consider The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror a free fall ride. In fact, I actually LOVE this ride, and look forward to going on it whenever I'm in the Studios and I used to be one of the wimpiest guys you'd know. Just the sight of a roller coaster would send me running for the hills, I'm much braver now though. So, if someone like me can not only handle The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, but also thoroughly enjoy it and run back in line numerous times to ride it again...well, I'm sure then that even the most spineless of wimps (of which I used to be one) will find themselves enjoying this unique and fun little ride (That only lasts a total of around 3 minutes, the actual free fall portion only lasts for a good minute).

So next time you're in Disney's Hollywood Studios, feel free to book a stay at The Hollywood Tower Hotel (or at least walk through the queue if you don't think you can handle the ride, although trust me, you can) I guarantee that you won't regret it. Till next time, this is your Ghost Host with the most most saying...Happy Landings. MWAHAHAHAHAHA

Tower of Terror gets a 9.7/ 10 Stars (I wish the ride portion was a bit longer)

BEETLE DROPS BY THE HOLLYWOOD TOWER HOTEL

2012-01-30T23:45:00.000-08:00

My feet were killing me. I had walked a long ways to get here, but what stood before me made the pain completely worth it. A symbol of the bygone days of Hollywood, a relic from a lost era....The Hollywood Tower Hotel.

Opened in 1917, The Hollywood Tower Hotel used to be the it spot for movie stars of the time, a beacon for the Hollywood elite. It's popularity would be tragically short lived but the Hollywood Tower Hotel would live on in infamy forever. In 1959, during a Hollywood party an intense storm hit Hollywood, and The Hollywood Tower Hotel was struck by lightning. The elevators were lost during the strike as well as a whole floor of the hotel along with some Hollywood guests that just happened to be riding in one of the elevators, which crashed. Their bodies were never recovered. Shortly afterwards, the Hollywood Tower Hotel was condemned...it seemed that a Hollywood Icon would remain shuttered forever, looking down on the changing area like a ghost of the past.

Luckily, as fate would have it, a wealthy landowner was able to buy the Hotel and successfully re-opened the Hotel in 1994. the Hollywood Tower Hotel was back in business again.

Of course, I could never resist the chance to stay in a place with such a rich history and that played host to one of the most tragic events to ever hit Hollywood, so last year I made my reservation and booked a room in the Hotel. Let me tell you, I was not disappointed. The whole Hotel, exterior and interior have been kept intact from the way it was all the way back when the hotel first opened...the effect is absolutely stunning. When you step foot into the hotel it's almost as if you are stepping back in time.

The rooms are stocked with all the usual amenities (shampoo, towels, TV). The beds are comfortable, and there is room service provided. The staff on hand at the hotel are courteous and eager to help, I have to give a shout-out to the bellhops at the hotel...they go above and beyond in the call of duty. The Hotel also has some tennis courts, a pool, and some gardens...all of which are worth your time should you choose to visit them.

When you leave, you are given a free certificate stating that you were a guest at the hotel on whatever date you arrived. The guest and staff made my visit a more than pleasant one and made it clear that I was welcome back if ever I should choose to return.

A neat thing about the hotel that I have to point out is that, after the famous storm of '39 the main elevators were rendered inoperable and despite the new managements best efforts it seems that they shall remain this way. This means that in order to reach your room, guests will have to take the maintenance Service Elevators which more than do the job. They may not look as pretty, but they definitely get the job done. It helps to remind you that, despite it's former glory, that the road to get where the hotel is today was not necessarily an easy one.

So, I have to give The Hollywood Tower Hotel 5 Stars and my shining recommendation. So, next time you are in the Hollywood area, please do drop in to The Hollywood Tower Hotel. The staff is DYING to satisfy your every need, and there is usually a vacancy or two available.

BEETLE GETS WRAPPED UP IN RUBBER: SPOILERS!!!!

2012-01-28T23:57:00.000-08:00

I love Rubber. I know there are people out there who definitely would not enjoy this film, but let's face it...a film about a sentient tire with psycho-kinetic abilities that goes around exploding people's heads isn't exactly a film that's aimed to please large crowds...luckily I'm part of it's target audience, and I've come here to explain the film to those who just won't be able to understand why it's so brilliant. I'm not knockin you if you can't understand the film, if you can't it's really not your fault. The beauty of Rubber is that if you get it, then you're meant to get it and if you don't, then you never were supposed to in the first place...you dig?...I'm confusing you, aren't I?

Rubber starts out with a fantastic opening monologue about the importance of "No Sense" in films and in life. Not only does this speech explain and warn us what we are about to watch, but it also introduces what is arguably the best character in the film, Sherriff Chet (Stephen Spinella). Chet acts as a guide of sorts on our journey, acting as a character inside the film and also as an actor in real life. Most of the memorable scenes in Rubber feature Chet, and he is a fascinating man to watch. The film also has some other actors in it (the only other notable ones being Jack Plotnick as the dweebish and nasty Accountant, and Roxanne Mesquida as the super hot Sheila), but the main billing here really goes to Chet and Robert The Killer Tire.

Rubber presents itself as an homage to "No Sense", but in reality it is actually a fairly deep commentary on the art of film itself. From the first scene, in which a random group of people (dubbed "The Audience") are plopped down in the middle of a desert and given binoculars through which they will watch the proceedings, you know you are in for something really special and different. One of the things Rubber does is analyze the audience's reactions to the proceedings and their tendency to over-analyze certain aspects of the film. The film makes a strong statement about the audience when it kills all but one picky critic off (who then becomes the catalyst for the rest of the film) by feeding them a poisoned turkey. What exactly that means I'm not sure, but either way it can't be good for us.

One of my favorite things in Rubber is it's comment on when a film begins to run a bit too long. Rubber itself does run a bit too long, and the film acknowledges this by having Chet, after a failed attempt at stopping Robert, burst into Robert's house and point blank shoot him. Chet's actions are not done because he is heroic, they are done because Chet is tired of the film running on for so long and just wants the damned thing to end (The kicker??? Robert is quickly reincarnated as a tricycle shortly after Chet storms out of the picture). These are just two examples of some of the commentary you will find in this extraordinary film.

Rubber is a twisted, warped, absurd, and hysterical commentary on film. Not much really happens in Rubber, but the film is brilliant nontheless. It's bound to turn some people off, but the film seems unfazed by this because it was never targeted at a large audience to begin with. Rubber is a unique, different film that was created by film fans for film fans, so chances are if you are a film fan that you will more likely than not enjoy this weird little flick...however, if you do not fall into this category why don't you slip in that coveted DVD of Shark Night and leave this one to us big boys.

5/5 Stars

TOP FILMS OF 2011

2012-01-22T09:12:00.004-08:00

I wanted to do my full review of We Bought A Zoo first, but I find my emotions for this film keep getting in the way (a first). So instead, I've decided to do my list of top films of 2011 first and worry about the full review of We Bought A Zoo Later.

Now, like everyone else on Earth, I wasn't able to see every single movie that came out in 2011 (and I wasn't able to review every one I did see, and my opinions of those that I was able to review may have changed slightly). So, keep this in mind as I present MY TOP 10 FILMS OF 2011 (This list may be altered when I finally see Melancholia and Martha Marcy May Marlene).

#11- Midnight In Paris

Midnight In Paris is a beautiful film to look at, not to mention it's also got a pretty cool story and boasts the best performance we'll probably ever get out of Owen Wilson. Tackling themes of nostalgia, all the while making literary die-hards drool...Midnight In Paris is sure to captivate most.

#10-Hugo.

Hugo is the story of a young orphan who takes care of all the clocks in a train station, it is also a story about the history of movies. Hugo may not be Martin Scorcese's best work, but it is definitely his most magical.

#9-Limitless

What if there was a pill that could make you the ultimate version of yourself? This is the fascinating subject that Limitless attempts to explore. It's not a perfect film by any means of the word, but it does succeed at capturing your attention and imagination. Bradley Cooper does a surprisingly great job as Eddie Moira, the author stuck on a losing streak into whose hands the super pill falls into. The film makes it fun to watch Eddie get into trouble and then have to think his way out of it, and Limitless also makes you think. What would you do if this pill fell into your hands? A fast-paced joy ride of a thriller, Limitless is super fun. Buckle your seat belt and hold on.

#8- Super 8

No, I didn't put this on the list as a pun. Super 8 really is a super film. I've already said all I really can say about Super 8 in my fairly lengthy review I posted a few months back. If you want my full thoughts in the film, you'll have to check back there for them.

#7- Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2

Go on and boo me if you must, but you have to admit this film is pretty damn impressive. It knows exactly what it wants to be and goes about achieving it's various goals in a truly brilliant and inspiring way. Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 bring the Harry Potter Saga to a close in an emotionally satisfying way for both fans and non-fans alike.

#6- The Beaver

The Beaver just may be the darkest film of the year. It's a dark look at depression and how it affects the individual and those around him/her. Disturbing, awkward, and uncomfortable, The Beaver may be hard to watch but it's so worth it in the end. Complete with believable and all too real performances by Mel Gibson, Anton Yelchin, Jodie Foster, and Jennifer Lawrence...The Beaver is a realistic, painful film and it's all the better for it.

#5- Warrior

Warrior is a superb film about a broken family whose issues are sorted out in the ring. A completely heartbreaking, emotional film...It's sure to leave most in tears by it's end. It's not all sad though, as it's numerous fight scenes are gripping and brutal and the portrayals by Tom Hardy and Joel Edgarton are super. This is one of the few films that I would recommend to anyone and everyone.

#4- The Artist

The extremely rare silent film stuck in the age of talkies, coincidentally, that's also essentially what the premise of this clever little film is. With great performances all around, an adorable pup, and one hell of a gimmick (NO TALKING!!!), The Artist succeeds in being a sweet little throwback to the golden days of film. Oh, and the great John Goodman is in it....what more could you want?!

#3- Rango

Yes, it's animated...SO WHAT? Rango is a completely different, original, unique take on the western genre that is supported by a zany Johnny Depp and stunning animation work throughout. A breath of fresh air, Rango is without a doubt THE BEST animated film of 2011.

#2- Drive

Drive is a different kind of ultra-violent film, one where the character's don't do much talking and instead say all they need to say through their body language and facial expressions, one where the setting of a somtimes beautiful/sometimes scary Los Angeles is a character unto itself, one where the song choices help to tell the story. Drive is completely fascinating and altogether poetic, beautiful, and tragic. It's a new modern classic that NONE should miss.

#1- The Descendents

It's very rare you get to see such a well-rounded film. I don't normally like these kinds of films, but this one really surprised me. It's got a really great script, it's just about perfectly acted, it's full of emotion, and it's got one hell of a killer surprise cameo in it. The Descendants juggles all of its topics and emotions perfectly, and makes for one fine film. I'll definitely be re-watching this one again and again and again when the Blu-ray comes out.

HONORABLE MENTION: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

This film would have easily made it onto the top films of 2011 list...except it did not come out in a wide release until 2012. That said, be sure to look for it in my Oscar review coming later. It really is a phenomenal film, despite grouchy critics.

So there you have it, my top 10 films of 2011...I'm sure most were surprised by my #1 pick...and that's fine. I had a blast in 2011 and I hope to have an even bigger blast in 2012....so here's to a bright new year.

THE TALE AS OLD AS TIME LOOKS BRAND NEW: BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 3D

2012-01-14T13:08:00.000-08:00

I start out the new year in style with my review of Beauty and The Beast 3D. Like Lion King, I'm pretty sure that everyone knows the story of Beauty and The Beast so this review will mainly focus on the 3D aspect of the film. Now, I haven't seen this film in ages, so getting to see it in a theater again was a real treat. The film about a beautiful, book loving woman and the Beast with a heart of gold is just as good as it ever was. It still manages to touch your heart and I'm surprised to say that it is without a doubt one of the best love stories ever. All the characters are still a joy to watch, and it is easy to get caught back up in the classic tale. Beauty and the Beast is still one of the best animated Disney classics around.

Now comes the difficult part, I HATE to bash on a universally beloved classic like Beauty and The Beast but as a burgeoning critic I must. The 3D to be sampled in this film is far from perfect. It felt like Lion King got the 3D down better than Beast did. The background shots (the opening shot of the wilderness, the shot of Belle running up a hill to sing, all the scenes in the dark creepy forest) are spectacular as usual, and some of the key scenes in the film (Be Our Guest, Maurice's initial trek through the woods, The Beast's fight with the wolves, The ballroom dance scene, and the Beast's transformation) succeed in stealing your breath away. The depth is beautiful and some of the rooms seem to stretch on for quite a bit (like the Library and the staircase, for example). Unfortunately, for most of Beauty and The Beast we are focusing on the human characters and the backgrounds are not as prominent. This is where the 3D slips up, the characters look awkward and sometimes disproportional and the 3D isn't always given ample time to shine like it should. Some of the exquisite shots that look so good in 3D only last for a mere 2-3 seconds, the effect is like passing by a beautiful, large room and only being able to catch a quick glimpse of it. It's actually somewhat frustrating.

The thing we must remember is that Beauty and The Beast was not a film made to be viewed in 3D( the 3D is not a perfect fit for the film). Beauty and The Beast was ready to be released in 3D several years ago, but never got the chance. This means that the 3D team had worked on the 3D transfer for quite a while (Beauty and The Beast was actually the first Disney film to be converted to 3D), which makes it all the more frustrating when we view the final product. I feel like Beauty and the Beast 3D could have been so much better than it is. That said, while the 3D version from the film may not be a perfect product, it is still a satisfactory one. No, you won't be throwing away dollars when you pay to see Beast in 3D....just don't expect to be overly impressed. Adjust your expectations. I'm happy to say that there is still much to enjoy in this old classic, especially when it looks brand new like it does now.

So, what I'm saying is expect certain scenes to steal your breath away, expect fantastic, deep rooms and backgrounds, and expect somewhat awkward human character work (the best character work in the film is the Beast's first entrance when he confronts Maurice, there are a few moments when some characters seem off...mainly the human ones). As I've said the best thing about Beast 3D is that it looks brand new.

So, go ahead and see Beauty and the Beast 3D if you feel so inclined. It's still a classic film that has stood the test of time surprisingly well (like most animated Disney films have).

3.5/5 STARS

CLOSING TIME: THE JAWS RIDE CLOSES TODAY

2012-01-02T09:08:00.000-08:00

Yes, today is a dark day for Universal and Theme Parks everywhere. One of the best attractions and themed lands in the WORLD is closing forever at the end of the day: The Jaws Ride. it had thrills, it had chills, and it had a good deal of butt-kickin too. It will be missed.

To commemorate this sad day, I have decided to share MY Jaws story with all of you today, here goes.

I don't want to say goodbye. I can't remember the first time I went on the ride, but I do remember I was terrified of going on it. The shark plus the flames were enough to put a young tot like me runnning for the hills. I remember watching the old video with John Forsythe and seeing the flames from the Jaws ride in the vid. I thought the boat actually would sail right into the flames and burn up. I remember the old ads with the shark eating up the boat, I thought that was really going to happen. It all seemed larger than life to me. I was terrified, but somehow I did eventually go on it and a love affair was born.

I made sure to ride Jaws numerous times whenever I would go to USF (one day I actually rode it 14 times!!!!), I memorized the Skipper spiel (one of my dreams was to be a Jaws Skipper one day, was going to apply sometime this year for a position) and still act it out in my home today. If I had to choose my favorite lines they would have to be: "Wait...you mean these things are actually loaded???" and "WE'RE THE BEST and only scenic cruise on the island". My favorite scene? Hard to say honestly, the whole ride is just tops!!!! I'm going with Amity 3's wreck/the first fin.

One of the things that kept me coming back was the theming, not just of the ride but of the whole Amity area as well. Once I step under the Amity 4th of July Celebration banner it's like I am actually in the REAL Amity Island. From the boardwalk games (Amity is the only area where the games actually fit into the established theme), to the little shops, to Nathans, to Captain Jake's Town Square....everything fits perfectly into the area. I always enjoyed getting to soak up the atmosphere of Amity while I was in the area, of the town and of Amity Boat Tours queue line as well (YES, there is tons of theming in the queue itself, tons of little knick-knacks in the waiting line that are fun to look at), the WJWS Hey There Amity video also helped to firmly establish the storyline of the ride (if you actually take the time to watch it). I still stand by my statement that Amity was the best themed area in USF, and it's sad that we are losing it.

As you can imagine, I was shell shocked to learn that Captain Jake's/ Jaws would be closing down forever. At first I thought it was some kind of sick joke (I first heard about it on the official Jaws Facebook page), after Universal made the announcement the reality of the situation first started to set in. I felt sick. On the 3rd of December I created my own Jaws Fan Forever T-shirt and ran to USF to catch what would end up becoming my final tours around Amity Island. I said a personal goodbye to the Bruce Photo-op that night and went home and cried. A part of my childhood and a ride that helped to inspire me would soon be gone forever.

I would end up becoming a part of what some people called Captain Jake's Army. I wrote to Universal (and received what was essentially a copy-and-pasted response), posted numerous things about the ride's closure and encouraged people to fight on Twitter and Facebook, I signed petitions...in short, I fought for a good 30 days. Naturally, my efforts were in vain... Jaws would still met its end. Now, all I can hope for is for Uni. to salvage some ride props, hopefully place the Bruce Photo-op somewhere else in the park.

I used to have vivid dreams about the Jaws ride, that's how much the ride had imprinted itself on my psyche. I must have had at least 5 dreams about it, probably more. I hope I will continue to dream about it, that way I can continue to take Boat Tours even while the ride is gone. I will miss the Jaws ride and Amity Island very much, and will probably think about them every time I pass by their replacement. The memories that were made for me there will last a lifetime, I know I will never forget them. So, sail into the sunset Captain Jake's and Jaws....You were the BEST and only scenic cruise on the Island and I Love You. CHOMP CHOMP

WAR HORSE IS A SWEEPING EPIC

2011-12-30T17:06:00.000-08:00

FINALLY!!!!!! It's been a while since John Williams and Sir Steven have tag teamed on a film ( It's been 3 years since their last collaboration). These two visionaries used to create magic together on the silver screen (with classic films like E.T., Jaws, and Jurassic Park). While their last effort, the just plain bad Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, failed to ignite that old spark their newest project, War Horse, recreates the magic that millions have missed so much.

War Horse is the story of a young horse that is ripped away from his mother and sold to a poor family, where the adolescent son, Albert (Jeremy Irvine, who does a really good job here), falls for the horse and volunteers to be the one to break him in/train him. Together the two form a strong bond. Unfortunately times are hard for the family, and to alleviate some of the stress, the father sells the horse, named Joey, to the British Army ( and to a British soldier played by Tom Hiddleston, who is great here as usual) which is preparing for WW1. It is this event that will set the horse on a collision course with several individuals who he will make an impact on and help, meanwhile Albert embarks on a journey to find joey and bring him home.

The first half of War Horse is where the film struggles to find its footing. There was little to no emotional connection made for me, the film didn't flow very well, was choppy, and characters were introduced only to be abruptly dropped ten minutes later. It is here where one of the main problems with the film takes shape, does it want to be a sweeping war epic or a tender heartfelt sentimental journey, does it want to focus mainly on Joey or does it want to focus mainly on the human's stories? the film can't make up its mind and it's only well into the end of the first act/beginning of the second act that it finally is able to find somewhat of a balance.

While the first act tested my patience (if i wasn't with my family, I may have given up and walked out of the film) , the second half of War horse is where the film swallowed me whole. It is here where the film begins to finally pick up steam, where the music melds into the film so I didn't even notice it, where the emotional connection was finally made that the film so badly needed. In short, the second half is where War Horse finally gets good.

War Horse is one of Steven Spielberg's most mature, sad, and tragic films. It deals with several very adult aspects of war, and treats both the British and German sides as equal. Not one is good or bad, both are viewed as victims of sorts. The film also deals realistically with the treatment of horses during war. There is a scene where a battlefield is strewn with the dead corpses of both humans and horses, and the setting for most of the second half, an area referred to as No Man's Land (a war torn field), is beautifully realized, actually taking my breath away in the ugly beauty of it all. Steven Spielberg has always had an eye for environments and settings, and he shows this skill off to a stunning degree in War Horse (with the help of Cinematographer Janusz Kaminski).

War Horse is a film that was made to explicitly tug at your heartstrings, and it does this with an alarming precision and skill. If you don't like films that try their hardest to make you shed a tear, then War Horse is not the film for you. I like films that are sentimental, and while I didn't cry (I don't cry easily) I definitely got choked up at the last scene. War horse is by no means a perfect film, and while it does lose it's way in the first half it successfully finds a firm footing during the second and manages to deliver the goods we all were expecting. It's just fantastic to see both Spielberg and Williams back together again, weaving their own special brand of magic that only they can weave. In the end, War Horse overcomes its many struggles and emerges triumphant. It's quite an achievement.

3.5/5

MERRY CHRISTMAS MR. GRINCH- BEETLE REVIEWS HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS

2011-12-24T22:39:00.000-08:00

It's officially Christmas Day!!!!

I know before I was griping about how I've never successfully celebrated the spirit of the season on my blog, well all that changes today with my first ever Christmas review. I start a new trend today with my review of Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Today. I'm reviewing the Jim Carrey/Ron Howard version of the timeless tale. I know that this version has gotten a good deal of hate, but it's become a tradition in the Beetle house and is one of my personal favorite Christmas films. Is it a perfect film? No (It's not even a perfect adaptation), not by any means of the word but I still love this new classic all the more. The film never fails to fill me with joy and a warmth that can only be found on Christmas Day.

In this version of How The Grinch Stole Christmas, the story is the same but Ron Howard has added some back story to the characters and made Cindy Lou Who a bigger role than she previously was. Howard also adds in some new characters including the Mayor of Whoville (Mayor Augustus Maywho), Cindy's parents, and the lovely Martha May Whovier. Is all the added back story, characters, and details necessary or even needed? Heck No! Here, the new characters do make for a nice touch, but the backstory of The Grinch is really used more for padding than anything else. Nothing revolutionary is revealed, and honestly I didn't really need or want to know The Grinch's reason for hating Christmas. I do miss the simplicity of the original story, with all the added stuff here things can get a bit messy and muddied at times.

That said, the acting found in this new version is pretty good. Most of the cast does a perfectly acceptable job with the roles they are given. Taylor Momsen does a surprisingly good job as the young Cindy Lou Who, but the standout star of the film is the great Jim Carrey himself as The Grinch. Carrey throws himself into the role of The Grinch with a wild abandon that is crazily infectious. It's clear he's having fun with the classic character, he is the classic Grinch we all know and love with a few sprinkles of Jim Carrey's own personal flavoring for good measure. Not only is he a goofy, funny, lovable character but he is also a sad, and sometimes even slightly menacing and scary one as well. The Grinch is easily one of Carrey's best roles to date.

The sets and environments found in The Grinch are wonderfully Seussian, and remain faithful to the book. The small town of Whoville (found inside a snowflake, what a perfect little added detail) is perfectly realized, as is The Grinch's lair on Mt. Crumpit. Here is a town that I wouldn't mind visiting and exploring for a while, not to mention I also wouldn't mind staying at The Grinch's lair for some time....it's so vast and cool, even to a 21 year old such as myself. Every time the film ends, I find myself wanting to spend more time in this fantastic world Dr. Seuss and Ron Howard created.

Luckily, with all the lots of modern humor (I take it this is what most complain about, I actually like this aspect of the new film though) the new Grinch doesn't forget that it was the heart that made the original story so beloved. This new Grinch definitely has a big, beating heart at its core. This time around, Whoville is a town that has become obsessed with all the commercial and material aspects of Christmas (an angry Grinch even points this out during a heated monologue in the center of town), forgetting what Christmas is really all about (another aspect I'm sure upset fans of the original). While at first glance this would appear to be a bad choice for the film, it actually strengthens the message at the end of the film. And what exactly is that message? That Christmas is really all about being together with your family and being grateful for what you have, of course!

So, as I've already said The Grinch is by no means a perfect film,but it is permeated by the spirit and warmth of the holiday season and that makes it enjoyable nonetheless. With a delightfully infectious performance from the great Jim Carrey, The Ron Howard version of How The Grinch Stole Christmas is a great treat for the whole family...especially when the holiday season rolls around.

So, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all you Grinch's out there (and you non-Grinch's too). Stay warm, stay safe, and enjoy Christmas Day....remember, it only comes but once a year so make it last!

4/5 STARS

CHRISTMAS EVE

2011-12-24T20:16:00.000-08:00

Hello all. I just wanted to explain my lack of any reviews lately. I had a very stressful semester at College, and I got home a few weeks ago. I don't feel like I can muster the energy to write up a full review, so instead I have posted several small ones to Rotten tomatoes...you can find them HERE: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/user/id/906180249/

I also have never fully celebrated Christmas here on the site, but I have made several big to-do's about Halloween....and that was wrong of me, I am sorry. I have spent my few weeks at home mainly resting and making up the hours of sleep I lost up at College, and as I've already stated couldn't muster up the energy to write full reviews (Christmas related or otherwise).

Anyways, i just wanted to take the time here to wish all my readers a very merry Christmas/holiday season and a very happy New Year. May you receive all you asked for and maore, and may the net year bring much happiness to you and your friends.

Till next time, this is Beetlejuice wishing all of you a very merry Christmas and a happy ho-ho-holiday season.

God Bless

CHOMP CHOMP: CAPTAIN JAKE'S AMITY BOAT TOURS (AKA: THE JAWS RIDE) TO CLOSE FOREVER ON JANUARY 2, 2012

2011-12-02T21:00:00.000-08:00

I am honestly at a loss for words.

Universal Studios Orlando announced today at 11:00 AM that one of the last remnants from the park's glory days and a strong staple of the park to this day, The Jaws Ride, will be closing FOREVER on January 2 2012. The announcement was met with shock, depression, and rage from park fans (such as myself).

The Jaws Ride has been a very big part of my life for quite some time now. I have the whole ride spiel memorized, I even planned on auditioning to be a Jaws Skipper sometime next year. Jaws has been my favorite ride at USF (not to be confused with IOA) for a very long time, and with it and the surrounding area gone I'm not sure I have much incentive to revisit that park anytime soon.

Why is this such a tragedy, you ask? Well, it was one of the few rides that had been a part of the park since 2 years after USF opened it's gate to the public. All the other rides that were open at this time are now reduced to mere fragments of memory. Such classics like Kongfrontation, Ghostbusters, Back To The Future....with Jaws gone the only classic ride left is E.T and that ride itself needs some serious TLC SOON.

Not only was Jaws a reminder of Universal's glory days, it was also the only remaining attraction that still had a Team member operating the ride vehicle, interacting with guests, and delivering a speil throughout the course of the ride. The only other ride to do this was Kongfrontation, and that was demolished to make way for the Revenge of The Mummy, a High tech Rollercoaster that was fun but couldn't hold a candle to Kong. Jaws' skippers helped to make the ride that much more memorable and fun, some of their ad-libs making my day (ex: WE DIDN'T DIE!!!).

With Kong gone, Jaws (and the surrounding Amity area, which is to be demolished along with the ride) were the most well-themed area and ride of the park. The numerous pay to play games made sense in the area, since they were similar to what you would find on a seaside boardwalk and the entire theming of the Amity area (from food, to building design) helped to cement the illusion that you really were in the seaside town of Amity. The center of the small town was a captured shark, which was displayed prominently in front of Captain Jake's Amity Boat Tours Queue line. The whole Amity area was a marvel of imagination and design, and it's really depressing to think that, come the start of next year, it will all be gone.

So, what exactly was the story of the Jaws Ride? well, you, the guest, are asked to believe that the events of Jaws were based on actual events that occurred in the town of Amity (actually a fictional town). Shortly after the film was released, the small town's summer population dropped sharply and since Amity is a summer town that relies heavily on summer dollars...the town itself began to die. Luckily, salty Sea Dwarg, Captain Jake Grunty, had the brilliant idea to open his very own sightseeing tour of Amity Harbor which would take guests on a tour of where all the shark attacks actually occurred. The tour attracted tourists from all over the world, and just like that Amity was back on top again. However, 36 years later during Amity's 4th of July celebration and on the very weekend when the shark attacks first occurred so long ago Captain Jake's Amity Boat Tours will have to fight the great white terror known as Jaws once more.

That's the story, and as I'm sure you can see...It's also very well crafted and themed. I can honestly say, they just don't make em like they used to. So sad, that we have to lose a truly great, original ride that so many loved.

Many fans were angered that, while the closure of Jimmy Neutron was announced half a year before it was done away with, Jaws' closure was only announced a short 30 days (a month) before its final tour was to set sail. I agree with the fans here, that's not fair at all. Why should a mediocre ride like Jimmy Neutron get so much coverage and hoopla about it's closing, while a true classic like Jaws gets the absolute bare-minimum. It just doesn't taste right.

You know what else, doesn't taste right? There are rumors floating around that Harry Potter Phase 2.0 will be replacing Amity and Jaws. While I do love Harry Potter and it's land over at IOA, I just feel that HP doesn't belong in the Studios and wouldn't fit smoothly into the park. If Universal does announce that Harry Potter will be replacing Jaws, that will be the final straw for me... no more trips to USF for me (I'll still travel to IOA, but USF will be off limits).

According to Uni's announcement, they have some things planned to make sure we never forget the Jaws Ride. I don't know what this means, but I'm hoping for at least a memorial statue or to have the Shark photo-op moved to another area in the park.

Anyways I guess It's fitting that I end this post with my own eulogy to one of my favorite rides of all time: R.I.P Old Friend. You were the best (and only) scenic cruise on the island, and I shall miss you VERY much. CHOMP CHOMP

For those of you curious, here's Universal's official announcement on Jaws' imminent closure:

"Hey fans, we want you to be the first to know… JAWS! and the Amity area will officially close on January 2 to make room for an exciting, NEW, experience we’re planning for you.

We know you love JAWS! and we do too. It has been an amazing attraction and after terrorizing the waters of Amity here at Universal Orlando for 20 years, it’s a VERY important part of our history. So, we’ve got a couple things planned to ensure we always remember and honor it. We know it’s hard to say goodbye, but we can’t express how EXCITED we are about the new, innovative & amazing experience we’re going to be bringing you." -source: Orlando United

IT'S TIME TO MEET THE MUPPETS: BEETLE'S REVIEW OF THE MUPPETS

2011-11-25T17:43:00.000-08:00

Let me start out by saying that yes, I have been a huge fan of The Muppets since I was young. I wasn't around for the original Muppet television show (god, do I was I was) but I had a vhs of some of its highlights and I remember watching Fraggle Rock and Sesame Street at a very young age. I have always been drawn to Kermit and gang though, I don't know what it is about them but they have always really appealed to me. Kermit seems to be the eternal optimist even in the face of great adversity, Fozzie can't tell a good joke to save his life but he keeps doing what he loves despite what others opinions, Gonzo is weird and wacky (very much like myself) but despite what others say he remains true to who he is, Miss Piggy is the diva of the group that loves to hog the spotlight (hee hee) but also has a sweeter side that Kermit brings out in her, Animal is the unadulterated tornado of joy and excitement (WOMAN! WOMAN!!), and there's so many more!!!. After a good deal of time spent out of the public's eye The Muppets FINALLY make their return to the big screen with The Muppets, a film that seems to be about the joys of friendship and what the gift of laughter can bring to an otherwise jaded, cynical, adult world.

In The Muppets, we follow brothers Gary (Jason Segal), Walter (the newest Muppet), and Gary's girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams). On a trip to Los Angeles, the group takes a tour of the decrepit Muppet Studios (As I said before, the Muppet gang has been out of the spotlight for several years) and Walter gets separated from the group and overhears evil oil tycoon Tex Richman's (Chris Cooper, maniacal laugh ) plans to rip down the Muppet theater in order to get to the oil that lies underneath it. There's only one gang that can stop Richman's scheme, but in order to do that Gary and Walter have to get The Muppets back together (a feat that isn't quite as easy as it seems) for one more show so that they can earn ten million dollars and buy back their old theater.

Like The other Muppet movies (with the exception of Muppets From Space), The Muppets is a musical and the songs (including some of the classics like Rainbow Connection) found within are some of the best parts of the film. Each one is catchy and memorable in it's own right (including Tex Richman's rap, a barbershop quartet version of Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit, and the film's theme song called Life's A Happy Song which perfectly captures the spirit of The Muppets). The soundtrack is most definitely worth a purchase, I can guarantee that there are songs you're going to want to give a re-listen.

The Muppets, like every Muppet film, has a strong cast of cameos including Whoopi Goldberg, NPH, John Krasinski, Mickey Rourney, Selena Gomez, Zach Galifianakis, Ken Jeong, Rico Rodriguez, and Sarah Silverman. The best cameos belong to Jack Black (who might as well be billed as supporting cast, he's in the film more than any other cameo actor) as the unwilling host of the Muppet Telethon (He is great here, it's fun to see him tortured during the telethon by The Muppets and his best line comes when The Muppets do a peppy barbershop quartet version of Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit "You're ruining one of the greatest songs ever made!!". Black is back at his best here, and that's a good thing in my opinion), and Jim Parsons (Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory) who stars in one of the musical numbers (That's all I can say about his appearance here lest I ruin a great moment, he left me in stitches).

Chris Cooper is also super great as the evil oil tycoon, Tex Richman, that is threatening the Muppet theater. You can just tell that he is having a blast with his role here, and nowhere is that more obvious than in a sing-along rap number (yes, the words do appear on the big screen and light up as he sings them...you can imagine my surprise and delight) in which he raps about how cool he is and how much he hates the Muppets. He's having so much fun going all out in this part that, villain or not, it's hard to resist rapping along with him.

All this said, The Muppets is not a perfect film. It feels almost messy at points, and tends to get bogged down in it's minor subplots. There are so many Muppets in the cast, but we only get to focus on a few, some notable favorites (Swedish Chef, Fozzy, Gonzo, Sweetums and many others) are left on the sidelines. Even though we do get to spend some time with these friends, it doesn't feel like it's enough. We focus mainly on Kermit, Miss Piggy, and Walter for the majority of the film, and that doesn't feel right.

The human character's don't seem very important, and it feels like they aren't in the film a whole lot (even though they are in it quite a bit). Maybe this is because there are so many different plots (5 in total) to follow that it's kind of hard not to get a bit overwhelmed every now and then. In the end, I guess it's ok that the humans end up taking a seat in the back , after all this movie is about THE MUPPETS.

The first half + of the film is fun, but failed to truly impress me. Don't get me wrong, the whole film is very funny and clever, I definitely was laughing HARD in my seat for most of it (another meta film)...but there was never anything that really made me stand up and cheer. The film starts to really pick up when the telethon starts. This is when the film turns into a film version of the original Muppet Show, and boy is it a joy to watch. The skits are hilarious, Jack Black as the host is awesome (Yes, I know I already stated this), and from here on out the film has that madcap, zany Muppet spirit that I have missed for so long. Probably the best thing that can come out of this film is if Disney decided to do a new Muppet Show that is an updated version of the original classic. I really do miss having The Muppets on TV (which is the medium that I feel has always fit them best) and I hope that if this film is a big enough success (and trust me, it will be) that they may be able to make it back on television one day soon.

The Muppets is a kids film that does not talk down to kids and also manages to keep most adults thoroughly entertained due to its unique sense of humor. The Muppets is also a commentary on how everything these days has been either dumbed down or made more violent (this is shown through a clever bit about a new show called Punch Teacher) and it subtly rebels against this with purity, simpleness and laughter. The Muppets are what we need more than ever right now, and while I may not have been as impressed as I hoped (It's not THE best Muppet film, but it's ONE of the best ones, ranks in as my second favorite Muppet film), the film still is a return to form for characters that have been reduced to shadows of their former selves recently (The Muppets Wizard of Oz and Muppets From Space come to mind). It's great to see the gang back, doing what we're used to seeing them do and what made us love them so much in the first place. The Muppets film has heart, and several very important messages that the gang has been teaching since the day they first entered our lives: Don't be afraid to be yourself, friends are important, don't ever let anyone discourage you, and always believe in yourself. In the end, The Muppets is not just for kids, it's for everyone whose inner child still lives and breathes inside them. Do your inner child a favor, and see the film.

4/5 STARS

AND THE OSCAR FOR BIGGEST FUCK UP GOES TO.....THE ACADEMY

2011-11-11T09:39:00.001-08:00

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away there was an award show that set out to celebrate the best movies and cinematic achievements of the year. That show: was The Oscars. People would tune in anxiously to see if their favorite film would walk away with an award. If a film won best picture, it damn well deserved it. The hosts were usually pretty good, and the show itself was usually entertaining. Unfortunately, The Oscars have started to lose their appeal.

Let's face it: The hosts chosen the last few years have been less than memorable, and the movies awarded didn't always deserve the award they were given. Take The kings Speech last year for example. It walked away with Best Picture, but I didn't find that fair at all. Kings Speech was a film that was designed to win Best Picture, it wasn't made with any passion or consideration of the audience. The people involved only cared about making a film that would win the Oscar, and so followed the step-by-step process that would wind up winning them the gold. Don't get me wrong: The King's Speech was indeed a good film. The acting within was great (but what do you expect from Helena Bonham Carter, Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush?) and the cinematography was stunning...the only real problem was that the story was actually pretty uninteresting and bland, and the whole film felt fake....like it had been put into the Oscar machine and that the result was this. Enough about this though.

For years the Oscar's audience has been dwindling, not as many people tune in to the show than the amount that used to...and can you blame them? The script for the awards show feels forced and tends to have presenters and the host/hosts makes unfunny joke after unfunny joke. The Oscars just aren't as entertaining as they used to be and with the Academy continually dropping the ball as far as the awards goes it's not hard to see why people have stopped tuning in. Nobody really takes into account who wins best picture anymore, The Oscars are seen more of as a sham these days....like a rigged awards show.

In an effort to reach a wider demographic and draw in would be viewers, The last few years The Academy has nabbed hosts that would seem to appeal to the younger demographic. This year though, The Academy has apparently said screw it and, after Eddie Murphy dropped off as Host, hired Billy Crystal instead. REALLY? BILLY.FUCKING.CRYSTAL.

I can't think of anyone on Earth who would get excited over this news, in fact, I think that the choice to pick Crystal as host would result in even less of an audience than previous years. Crystal hasn't been in a movie in a while, and he has lost his comedic touch. This is a shame, because there are some legit good contenders for the categories this year. Anyone...ANYONE would be a better choice than Crystal. Yet again, The Academy drops the ball. I'm even questioning if I should tune in this year, and I'm a long time watcher of The Oscars. If even a long time viewer is questioning if he should tune in...that's a VERY bad sign. This is very disappointing Academy, I don't understand why they would sabotage themselves like this...I really don't. Either way, I can safely say that we can expect numbers to drop in attendance at home this year, and this time The Academy really has no one else to blame but themselves. You made your grave, NOW LIE IN IT!

CRAZY STUPID LOVE

2011-11-10T19:31:00.000-08:00

Crazy Stupid Love easily is one of my top 3 favorite romantic films. What are the other two you may ask? Blue Valentine and (500) Days of Summer.

Let me just get one thing straight off the bat, although I find it easiest to label this film as a romantic comedy, it's really not this at all. It's really more of a romantic drama with good bits of comedy thrown in, but to make things easier on everyone I'm just going to refer to it as a romantic comedy because at the end of the day it is pretty damned funny.

Crazy Stupid Love is essentially a bunch of tangled love stories that are tied together for better or for worse. Cal is a man whose marriage has just come crumbling down around him, in a deep state of depression he frequents a fancy bar where he meets up with Jacob, the ultimate womanizer, who decides to help Cal take back control of his life.

Despite my simplified plot synopsis, the plot of Crazy Stupid Love is anything but simple. Even though the two main characters are Jacob and Cal there are many supporting players that really help to add a complexity to the film.

Let's start with Robby, Cal's son. He is portrayed by Jonah Bobo. He is a middle schooler that is under the belief that if you fight hard enough for your soul mate eventually you will win her over, a belief that through the course of the film he comes to realize may be foolish. He is madly in love with his babysitter, Jessica, who is 4 years older than he is and seems to have no interest in him. This minor set back does not deter Robby though, as he goes about continually humiliating himself in the name of love. Jonah is a real stand out star in this film and seems to be the most wise one out of the cast. The way he sits back and silently and with a sad amusement watches the rest of the characters go about their lives is pretty interesting. He spits out words of wisdom to the main characters, and one of his best scenes is when he goes toe to toe with bad guy Kevin Bacon and comes out on top. He's a great character and a great young actor that I feel we should keep an eye on.

There's Jessica, the high schooler that babysits for Cal's family and harbors a secret crush for Cal. She is portrayed by the beautiful Analeigh Tipton. She's not in the film a whole lot, but lights up the screen whenever she is on. Not necessarily an important character in the film, Tipton manages to make her scenes count.

There's Hannah, the independent college student. She is portrayed by the always lovely Emma Stone. Hannah is yet another character that is pretty much reduced to sitting in the sidelines, not really coming into the picture until the films third act. She's not given much character development to work with, but she is crucial to the plot o the film for reasons I won't divulge here. She is pretty much there to be Ryan Gosling's seemingly unattainable prize. Emma Stone is funny and clever here, like always, and it's sad that she isn't really given much to work with. That said her and Gosling's on-screen chemistry is pretty top-notch here. (In fact just about every character's chemistry here is top-notch. Julianne Moore and Steve Carrell, Steve Carrell and Ryan Gosling, etc.)

There's Emily, Cal's wife that decides she's sick and tired of her sad sack husband and calls it quits after 22 years of marriage. She is portrayed here by the talented Julianne Moore. With a lesser script, or a lesser director she easily could have come across as a bitch, but here it is easy to understand why she broke off the marriage and the film actually makes her seem somewhat justified in doing this (despite the fact that she cheated on Cal with another man). It is clear she still has deep feelings for Cal and regrets having to divorce him and this makes her a more complex and better character overall. Throughput the film she questions her decision and tries to give Cal a few second chances that he either screws up or doesn't take full advantage of....it's actually quite sad.

Kevin Bacon is David Lindhagan, the film's main antagonist of sorts. He is dead set on winning over Emily, and really makes for an uninteresting character. It's quite likely that by the time you walk out the film, that you may have forgotten he was even in it. I've got to be honest here, I've really grown tired of Kevin Bacon ALWAYS playing the bad guy in films these days. Are you aware of how many films I've seen him in as the villain? It's getting old, FAST. Please Kevin Bacon, I'm BEGGING YOU....stop playing the bad guy, try branching out a bit next year.

The secondary lead in this film is the fantastic Ryan Gosling as Jacob. He is a rich playboy womanizer that frequents the same bar that Cal continually visits after his divorce. One day, Jacob decides that he's heard Cal bitch about his divorce one too many times and calls him over with a proposition: If Cal allows Jacob to make him over he promises that Emily will rue the day she ever broke off the marriage. And so begins one of the more fun sections of the film as we are treated to numerous entertaining interactions between Cal and Jacob. Carrel and Gosling make for a great screen duo. They play off of each other perfectly, and help to raise each others performances up. This film just wouldn't be the same without these two cast in it. Gosling is perfect as the ultimate bachelor, and manages to bring some depth to the character. He's not just some rich asshole who uses women, he also is actually a nice guy that ends up caring about Carrell's character by the end of the film, and he also makes an important realization that makes for a neat twist and drives his character to change his ways. I must say, 2011 is the year of the Gosling. He was in three fantastic films and he did superb acting performances in each. He is easily one of my favorite actors out there today, and he does a fantastic job here.

The main lead of the film is Cal, played by Steve Carrell. For most of the beginning of the film we are forced to watch the painful process of this guy's life being completely and utterly destroyed, one memorable scene is when his best friend ens their friendship at the bar. All I could think was poor Cal for most of the beginning of the film. This guy's life sucks and Carrell succeeds at making us feel his pain and anguish, it's very palpable in the film. It's great to watch as Carrell's character matures and grows over the course of the film, and he really is a different man by the time the end rolls around. Carrell is back in one of his best performances in a while, he's still very funny in this film but also brings a certain gravitas and maturity to his performance that, honestly, is quite surprising. I really do like Steve Carrell and let's hope he continues to get roles like this for they really help to show off his acting ability.

Crazy Stupid Love takes a realistic attitude towards love, but it's a very unrealistic film....if that makes sense. As the title implies, it's about how love is crazy and stupid and it doesn't make sense but after a while you just learn to go with it. There are monologues where messages about love can be found, but the way these monologues are done are pretty unrealistic (example: one monolgue is done by Robby as his graduation speech, why would he do that? Pretty inappropriate topic for a grad speech, dontcha think Robby?) and alot of the situations are unrealistic as well. It doesn't help that the film wants to insist that it's not a movie, as can be sampled by the many times when characters say: If this were a movie..., or in a movie this part would go like this. The film also makes jokes about it's PG-13 rating and characters joke about their life being R rated and not PG-13. Oh , SHUT UP! You're life is obviously PG-13 because THIS IS A PG-13 film!! If ever there were a film that didn't need to try to be meta, it was this one. The whole meta thing just doesn't work within the confines of this film.

Another thing that really bugged me was the big climax in which all the stories come clashing together. First off: this part didn't feel natural at all...forced is more of the word I would use. Secindly: The part wasn't handled very well, and even ends with a jokey part with all the guys stranging each other in a group. Nice going movie, you took what was supossed to be a serious scene and made it comical....NOT COOL. Luckily there is still around twenty plus minutes left after this embarrassing drop of the ball, ample enough time for the film to bring itself back up.

All this said, I do appreciate that the film takes a realistic approach towards the topics of love and relationships. For most of the film these topics are explored at length through these character's emotions, their beliefs, and their development as human beings. That's right, these characters end up resembling real human beings by the end of this film, and that's a great accomplishment. While it does bother me that the film tries to end with a positive attitude towards love and divorce, I'm glad the film still does not deny that love can be painful at times...possibly one of the truest messages found in this film.

So, despite some complaints, Crazy Stupid Love still succeeds where it really counts. With a stellar cast, some great messages (although I disagree with some of them), a strong script, competent directing, and plenty of heart Crazy Stupid Love manages to emerge as the most well made comedy of the year.

4/5 Stars

CARS 2 ISN'T AS BAD AS THEY SAY IT IS

2011-11-06T21:21:00.000-08:00

It's clear Pixar definitely put a lot of effort into this, and most of it (surprisngly) doesn't go to waste. The visuals are stunning, the jokes are clever, and the story is inspired. Unfortunately,The spy elements don't fit as well into the Cars universe as they could. That said, I can't really bash the spy elements all that much because I found them quite entertaining. It was cool to see all the spy cars and the kind of weapons and gadgets they had at their disposal.

Cars 2 also plays host to the most violence I believe I've seen in a Pixar film so far . Cars are completely destroyed and one is tortured till it explodes. This places Cars 2 in the surprising "not for young ones" category.

The message in Cars 2 isn't necessarily a strong one, so Cars 2 comes across as a film that's all surface fun, nothing's really going on underneath the hood. That's not necessarily a bad thing though, sometimes it's nice to see a film that doesn't take itself too seriously and is perfectly happy driving around at cruise control (About that message: I don't agree with the whole "You shouldn't change, the people around you need to" part, but I understand what they were trying to say. You need to just be yourself).Cars 2 has a very fun, relaxed atmosphere that is easy to slip into for a while.

While it's not as strong as some of Pixar's other outings, Cars 2 is still pretty damn charming and fun at it's best, and there is a certain fun to be had watching a world that has been overrun with sentient cars.

Overall Cars 2 is a sleek, fun film.

3/5 Stars

PREPARE TO GET SUCKER PUNCH'D.

2011-11-06T11:04:00.001-08:00

This is going to hurt.....a lot.

Zach Snyder has made very few enjoyable films, his best effort I believe was Watchmen (at least, from the films of his I have seen). Unfortunately, it is time for the final nail in his coffin. He made a film called Sucker Punch that I can not and will not forgive. This film is bad on so many levels, and I'm about to give Sucker Punch and Zach Snyder a tase of their own medicine. So Sucker Punch and Zach Snyder...prepare to get Sucker Punch'd.

Sucker Punch is the story of Babydoll who, after a series of unfortunate incidents, is sent to a mental institution where she is set to be lobotomized. During the procedure she escapes into a fantasy world that exists only inside her mind. While my description of the plot makes sense, the way they go about telling the story in the film only confuses the viewer and turns the film into a nonsensical nightmare.

Unlike the film, I will attempt to order my complaints in a way that make sense. My first complaint: The message.

The film has heavy feminist views, but the puppet-master (Zach Snyder) is not a feminist and so the message is ultimately perverted. The film is all about female empowerment, but according to the film the female leads get their strength and power form their sexuality and their bodies. This, I'm sure, would send any true feminist into a rage. The ladies represent female empowerment, but they wear sexually suggestive clothes, and do sexually suggestive dances that turn any sane headed male intro a drooling mess.

This brings me to my second complaint with the film: It's portrayal of males. In Sucker Punch, every male seen in the film is disgusting, perverted and inherently evil (all except the wise man who appears ONLY in the dream sequences). The males in this film are easily distracted by girls dancing seductively, and while this is probably true of just about any teen male I think adults wouldn't be so easily rused. This deeply offends me. I am a man, and while I do enjoy girls in bikini's and girls dancing I'm not some perverted, dumb animal that only thinks about girls in a sexual way or is only out to hurt and abuse girls, I wouldn't lose all sense of reason or consciousness if a girl were to dance in font of me for a few minutes. I think I would notice if a girl were to steal something out of my pocket if another one was dancing in front of me. Zach Snyder's portrayal of men comes across like he watched a week's worth of Lifetime and then put those ideals into his film. It's clear he is trying to appeal to females, but he's doing it all wrong.

My third complaint with the film is it's insistence to try and make it's proceedings as nonsensical as possible, because Inception was such a popular film...right? The film starts out in the real world, then receeds into Babydoll's fantasy world, and then (during Babydoll's dance sequences) receeds even deeper into her mind only to return to her previous fantasy world when the dance ends. NOTHING MAKES ANY GODDAMNED SENSE!!!! At least in Inception the film tried to apply some form of sense and intelligence to it's proceedings, in Sucker Punch Zach Snyder throws a wrench into the gears of his film and thinks he's suceeded when audiences walk out confused. Even at the end of the film when we FINALLY return to the real world Snyder still attempts to keep things nonsensical when we are told the whole story was actually about another inmate who we aren't even given a backstory for or a reason to care about. Why would Babydoll do all this for someone she doesn't even know very well? Snyder also puts the head of the Sanitarium in an inmate uniform even though there is no reason for him to be in one except it makes the film that much more confusing. I see what you're trying to do here Snyder, but PLEASE STOP, you don't understand the art that we call film well enough to succeed in your efforts.

My fourth complaint are the fantasy-action sequences. In a way, Sucker Punch almost feels like Zach Snyder wanted to do some mini-tales he never had the chance to do, and these manifest in the numerous "dream-within-a-dream" sequences in the film. These parts don't make any sense either, as the girls are pit against dragons, steampunk Nazi's, futuristic robots, and robotic samurai soldiers. Why??? Because Zach Snyder always wanted to create these awesome scenes, he doesn't care if the audience gives a fuck-all about them... he's clearly doing this for himself and no one else. In fact, it feels like the whole film was done purely for his own entertainment, audience sensibilities were not taken into concern in any part of the film. If Zach Snyder thought it was cool, it made it into the finished product. These sequences fail to capture audiences imaginations or even their attention, because there is never any tension or reason to root for anybody inside these parts. It is made clear these parts are not actually occurring and so nobody is actually in any real danger. I wonder why Snyder didn't realize this when he was crafting these parts...maybe he just didn't care?

My fifth complaint is the violence found in the film. Now don't get me wrong, I love me some mindless violence but for some reason the violence found in Sucker Punch really rubbed me the wrong way. The violence sampled here is surprisingly brutal and intense, and not to mention there's a lot of it. The Nazi sequence is host to quite possibly the most brutal, intense volence found in the film and the Dragon sequence actually had me rooting for the Dragon to gobble all them heartless bitches up. These girls kill an innocent dragon baby just because they are told to, and when it's mother emerges in a fit of rightful vengeance we are supposed to root for her demise, when in reality she is completely justified. These girls truly deserve to die in this sequence (but they don't). I strongly believe that Sucker Punch deserved an R rating for it's depictions of violnce in the film, but somehow Snyder suckered the MPAA into letting him slip by with a PG-13, an incorrect rating for a film that can be surprisingly heartless, brutal and intense at times.

Now, let me point out the only few good things in this otherwise terrible film. Oscar Isaac is fantastic as the sleazy whorehouse owner/sanitarium head. He appears to be the only one having fun with his role and easily steals every scene he's in. Despite his status as lead villain, he's still a fun character (He also appears in Driver). Another highlight is Jon Hamm as the lobotomist, not much to be said here. He's a great actor, and while he's only in the end of the film he still plays his role pretty well. That's all the good stuff folks, sadly.

Snyder is a purely selfish filmmaker that creates films purely for his own twisted amusement, and this has never been clearer than in Sucker Punch, a film which feels like it was made purely to be played over and over in Snyder's own private viewing room. The female empowerment message is twisted and warped so that it fits Snyder's own image of females, the film never attempts to make any goddamned sense (Possibly the most frustrating aspect of Sucker Punch), it's fantasy sequences are full of dull CGI and non-exciting pieces of action ( and, of-course, TONS of super slo-mo shots), and the handling of the male characters is just as offensive and angering as the film's handling of its female characters.

So all in all, if you think you'd enjoy a good 2 hours of Zach Snyder ejaculating all over the screen...then maybe Sucker Punch is right up your alley. Myself though, I think I can find better films with which to waste my time and money on. Put simply, Sucker Punch sucks!

0.5/5 FUCK YOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIME TRAVEL

2011-11-05T19:17:00.000-07:00

Yes, it was on THIS VERY DAY that time travel was invented. On Nov. 5, 1955 Doc Brown took a nasty fall off of his toilet and hit his head, resulting in a miraculous vision...a vision that would lead to the later creation of the FLUX CAPACITOR, the very thing that makes time travel possible.

Without the Flux Capacitor, The Delorean would just be another car. So Happy Birthday Flux Capacitor and Happy Birthday Time Travel.

FAST 5 HATES THE POLICE

2011-11-05T11:45:00.000-07:00

This is my first time ever watching a Fast and The Furious film. I went in not expecting much and I gotta say...I was pleasantly surprised.

In Fast 5, after a botched car heist Dom (Vin Diesel) brings the whole gang back together to take down evil investor Hernan Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida). Meanwhile, Brian O'Connor (Paul Walker) is busy preparing for girlfriend (and Dom's sister) Mia's (Jordana Brewster) baby. As the newest heist slowly takes shape, Dom and crew must stay one step ahead of Luke Hobbs (The Rock) and his special forces team who have been dispatched to apprehend Dom and friends before they can strike again.

Fast 5 comes across as a Robin Hood story for the new generation. The heist this time around focuses on a vault owned by Hernan Reyes in which he stores all of his ill-gotten gains. As the film progresses we learn that this is not your normal heist job since the vault is located in a military police station and it would appear that Reyes has the whole of the police force in his back pocket. If course, this leads to quite the final showdown as numerous cop cars are completely destroyed during the final thrilling car chase.

Most, I imagine, go to a Fast and Furious film for action and this film delivers that in droves. Right from the opening scene Fast 5 throws down the gauntlet and lets us all know that we are in store for a lot of mindless, drool worthy action set pieces. Unfortunately, most of these parts occur in the beginning and end of the film, Fast 5's middle section is quite boring as we are treated to lots of exposition, character build up, and exploration into this group's family dynamic. When this film is good it's really good, but when it's boring....well, bring a pillow.

One of the best scenes in Fast 5 involve the stunningly exotic Gisele Harabo (Gal Gadot), who owns just about every scene she is in due to her fantastic body. Apparently she isn't above strutting her stuff for us, as she appears in one scene with nothing but a tight fitting bikini on and we are treated to lengthy trailing hots of her ass as the camera follows closely behind her. She really owns that bikini in this scene, and she isn't afraid to show off her goods. Even for a PG-13 film, it's still quite a show (the ass gods done good work on this one).

By far the best part of this film (and possibly the most enjoyable character in it as well) is The Rock as Bad-ass macho man Luke Hobbs. This film marks a return to form for The Rock, he easily breaks away from his watered down image that Disney created for him and steps back into a classic role that he is an expert at playing. His character is reminiscent of his characters in The Scorpion King, The Mummy 2, and Doom. It's great to see he still can play the hardened bad-ass, and makes for a refreshing breath of air. For an actor that has grown stale in the past couple of years, he really shines here and is easily unforgettable. A lot of the film's charm lies in his character (and his portrayal of said character here) and the film just wouldn't have the same oomph without The Rock in it.

So, in the end the good outweighs the bad in Fast 5. If you like high octane car chases and fiery fast paced action scenes then I'm sure you will get a kick out of Fast 5. Fast 5 reminded me of the films I grew up with and would watch when I was younger, so it holds an almost nostalgic quality for me. Either way, Fast 5 easily emerges as the best action film I have seen in 2011 thus far.

4/5 Stars

BEETLE'S TRAILER REVIEW: PROJECT X

2011-11-04T20:16:00.000-07:00

This has officially become one of my most anticipated films of 2012. No need to say any more, roll the trailer!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecLYhvu_WQY&list=PL8922AE7C9FEBB977&index=165&feature=plpp_video

The trailer doesn't give much away about the film, and I hope the marketing campaign keeps this strategy going. It's great to see a trailer that doesn't ruin the whole damn film for audiences.

From what I can make out in the trailer, Project X is about a high school kid named Thomas that decides to throw a party while his parents are away in an attempt to become cool and to nail some of the girls he's had his eye on. Naturally, the party grows and grows as word spreads and eventually it seems to grow out of control and cops are called in to contain it. Not the most realistic of scenarios, but it does have a certain appeal to it.

Included in the trailer is some POV cam shots (if the film will be filmed entirely like this is still left to be seen), some hot girls dancing and being provocative, Thomas jumping from a roof into a bounce house, a car being driven into a pool, a killer re-mix of Kid Cudi's Pursuit of Happiness, and the words "You're Invited" in large print near the end.

All in all, I'm digging the plot so far and I hope it's as simplistic as it sounds. The trailer has officially sparked my interest and seems to promise mucho fun. So all in all Project X looks like it's shaping up to be one helluva party, where do I RSVP?

CHRISTMAS COMES EARLY: A VERY HAROLD AND KUMAR CHRISTMAS

2011-11-04T10:06:00.000-07:00

Hey there Beetleheads! Now that Halloween has finally ended, I think it's about time for me to start to get in the yuletide spirit and what better way to celebrate the holidays than with some of the green stuff.

In A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas we meet back up with our favorite duo six years after Guantanamo Bay. Harold and Kumar have parted ways and now Harold is married to the very hot Maria and is in a panic trying to impress her hardcore dad during the holidays (played by Danny "Machete" Trejo) and Kumar is stuck at a dead end with his life as he only has the energy to stay home and get high. Fate would appear to have greater plans for our duo though. When a mysterious package arrives at Kumar's door addressed to Harold, Kumar goes to deliver it to him and both men accidentally burn down Machete's prized Christmas tree. Suddenly the race is on to find a replacement tree before the night ends, and of course things don't go exactly as planned creating one helluva crazy christmas night.

Harold and Kumar's 4th theatrical outing is the most ambitious and wild of them all, taking stabs at religion, the holidays, and even 3D (there are quite a few jokes about 3D in the film)! The film is surprisingly clever and can be quite subtle with how it takes on all the new material here. From John Cho's new real life job at The White House, to NPH's sexuality, to classic holiday claymation cartoons, to minorities, to even JESUS nothing is safe in A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas and that I love that. You never know what they're going to take a stab at next.

Not to mention the 3D is some of the best I've seen. Most films these days focus on the depth aspect of 3D, not Harold and Kumar. This film says "SCREW DEPTH, people want things flying out at them!" and they deliver this in droves. From pot smoke, to christmas trees, to snow, to ping pong balls, to eggs, many things will fly out of the screen and seem to be right in front of your nose. Not many films can achieve this, but Harold and Kumar does it with ease.

As always, NPH steals every scene he's in from an impressive Christmas 3D spectacle to a hilarious lengthy scene in his dressing room in which we learn the truth about NPH's sexuality. He comes across as a bigger asshole than in the other films here, but is still all the more loveable, I just wish there were more of him here. I guess it just goes to show that you can't keep this guy down.

Despite all the hilarity and drug consuming to be found here, A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas manages to feel like a real Christmas film. There are strong themes about family and friendship to be found here, and there's quite a bit of heart that lie under the crazed proceedings, perhaps that's why this Harold and Kumar film manages to stand tall above the others. Don't be surprised if you walk out of the theater humming a Christmas tune.

A very Harold and Kumar Christmas is easily the best film in the series so far (It's also one of the most meta films you will ever find). It's exceedingly clever, subtle (at times), hilarious, smart, and naughty. It knows who it's target audience is and goes about coming up with ways to keep them thoroughly entertained. If you don't like stoner comedy or marijuana being heavily consumed in a holiday film then this film is definitely not for you. However, if you get a kick out of a toddler ingesting three different illegal substances in one night and tripping her little head off or the awesomeness of an ass-kicking waffle-bot that falls in love with kumar then I can safely say that this is very much your film. Harold and kumar may take a bite out of some of our beloved holiday traditions, but the proceedings are done in a light-hearted, fun way and manage to never come across as mean spirited ( A miracle!). It's one of the best holiday films to come out in recent years, and that's saying a lot. All in all, A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas is a fun way to start out the holiday season.

4.5/5 Stars

BEETLE REVIEWS THE ORIGINAL HALLOWEEN 2

2011-11-01T16:51:00.000-07:00

Halloween 2 is the film in which I first fell in love with Michel Meyers.

Halloween was a horror classic. It created a horror icon in the guise of Michael Meyers and Halloween 2 serves to cement this undeniable fact.

Halloween 2 picks up literally just moments after the first one ended with Loomis running outside to find Michael has vanished and Laurie being carried into an ambulance to be taken to a hospital for her wounds received in the first film. Loomis quickly rallies together the local police force to track Michael down and put a reign to his terror. While they search the streets, the hospital Laurie is being housed at becomes host to a whole new slew of murders as it becomes increasingly obvious that Michael will not rest until he has killed Laurie.

Halloween 2 may not be as widely loved as it's classic predecessor is but don't let that fool you, this is still very much a great film nontheless, succeeding at adding new elements into it that the original Halloween did not have.

For me, quite possible the most interesting thing Halloween 2 does is give us a somewhat intimate look at how Michael's killing spree has affected the small town of Haddonfield, Illinois. The citizens are in a panic and riot at the Meyer's home, throwing rocks at its windows in a frightened rage. This scene was particularly effective. The town's overall reaction to this violent event is wholly believable and quite sad, it is obvious that it will take a while for the town of Haddonfield to get over these gruesome events.

Another thing that this film adds is a new level of violence that was, I imagine, quite brutal for it's time. Just about all the kills are inventive. Unlike it's predecessor, the camera does not shy away from these kills, lingering on them and even switching to close up shots as the victims are murdered. The violence here is similar to the violence that can be sampled in just about any horror film today, and I guess in this way Halloween 2 may have been ahead of it's time. My personal favorite kill is the hot tub, This is where the film first reveals that this time around it will be reveling in the vast amount of gore and kills that are sure to follow in this film. Deliciously sick, twisted and brutal, the hot tub kill is, in my opinion, the most memorable kill in the whole film.

There are also some really cool shots in this film, like one where Michael walks right through a glass door. We all already know that Michael is a unstoppable force of great evil, and Halloween 2 only further drives that point home. Here, he has a brute strength that is breathtaking and terrifying in all the right ways (like one scene where he stabs a girl in the back and then proceeds to lift her off the floor with his small knife/scapel). In Halloween 2 Michael is still treated like a mysterious, supernatural (and pretty smart) force, much like he was in the first Halloween film. This is very much the same Michael Meyers we saw in the first film, thank God for that.

I mentioned in my review of the original Halloween that there was no nudity to be found in that film. Well, there ain't much to be sampled in Halloween 2 either, but there is thankfully, one scene of boobage that whet my appetite. It's not much, but it will have to do.

Where the themes in Halloween were deliciously subtle, the themes in Halloween 2 are paraded around for all to see. This isn't a bad thing, as it may help to spark discussions amongst those who view the film. One theme that is brought up for one short scene implies that maybe Michael represents the unconcious mind, a theme that Rob Zombie would later fully explore (not to great effect if I must be honest) in his re-boot and sequel.

It is likely that the most important thing that Halloween 2 contributed to the Halloween franchise is the story point that Laurie is actually Michael's sister. This helps to give Michael some more motivation. Most Halloween fans have accepted this plot point to be true, and while it may strip away a tiny bit of the mystery of Michael Meyers it still leaves just enough so that Michael remains as terrifying as ever.

While Halloween 2 may be more of a common slasher film, it's still super fun to watch all these years later. I know I'll definitely be re-watching this one for years to come. It may not be as scary or important as the first Halloween was, but this sequel still rocks in all the ways that count. I DARE you not to love it!

4/5 Stars

BEETLE'S 2ND ANNUAL FRIGHT FEST: JOHN CARPENTER'S HALLOWEEN

2011-10-31T19:34:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I bring my Fright Fest to a close with a film that helped to breathe life back into a sub-genre and helped to create a horror icon. Here's my review for Halloween.

This is the shining example of what an atmospheric horror film should be. John Carpenter has always been the master at creating a good, rich atmosphere and it really shows here. The film takes place on Halloween night in 1978 and the darkness of the night overshadows the film, creeping into every corner so that the main antagonist can really be just about anywhere, he could jump out from any darkened corner or room and anyone is fair game.

If you don't know by now, the main antagonist is Michael Meyers (not to be confused with Mike Meyers the comedian). Halloween is truly his film above anyone else's and it is within these confines that he ultimately emerges as an unforgettable horror icon. He will not stop, he will not rest, until he finishes off the target of his killing spree: Laurie Strode (played by Jamie Lee Curtis). In Halloween, Michael is portrayed as an unstoppable force of evil and also as an engine of fate. Here, he is almost a supernatural force, as he pops up and disappears in short bursts (this effect is a bit overdone but it sure does drive the point home). I like that Michale isn;t really given a backstory here and is just an unhinged being that is driven to kill others for reasons we may never fully understand, and I LOVE that about him (if only all killers in films were handled this way). Another interesting to note about Michael is that, while he's not above killing off males, his primary targets seem to be teenage females. This raises an interesting question: Is Michael turned on by these girls and is killing them his way of attempting to rid himself of his sexual desires (was he turned on by his older sister when he killed her as a child, maybe Michale himself is at the mercy of his sexual desire, a driving force that he himself may not understand. Could Michael himself be a twisted victim of sorts as well?)

One of the film's main themes (as it is subtly pointed out in an earlier scene) is fate and how it cannot be avoided. No matter what you do, your fate will always catch up with you and so it goes for Laurie.

There isn't much story to Halloween. A crazed psychotic madman escapes from an insane asylum 15 years after he murdered his sister as a child and heads for home with the determined psychologist, Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasance), hot on his trail. Unfortunately, nothing can stand in Michael's way as he slowly and methodically kills off each of Laurie's friends before finally making his way to Laurie herself.

Halloween has almost become a sort of modern day fable....a classic story that can be told around a campfire late at night. Due to it's numerous sequels and the reboot films made by Rob Zombie Halloween has become deply rooted in just about everyone's psyche...as it well should.

On display here are just about every trope we have come to know and loe in moder day horror films. Dark, creepy houses; a crazed knife happy killer (even though Michael likes to use his hands too); sexually loosed teen females, and the virginal pure girl that is destined to be the only one left to fight the monster in the end. The only trope this film misses is nudity, which I find curious. There are several scenes of implied nudity and there are some pretty hot sexually suggestive shots of the females in here, but in reality the film doesn't need nudity to make it good. It does raise one question though: What film helped to create the trend of naked girls in film?

Halloween may not be outright terrifying but I DARE you to try and have a peaceful night's rest after seeing this film. It's pretty much the definition if a psychological horror film. Set in a small town pretty much like yours or mine, the horror that inevitably occurs here feels like it could also occur where you are at the current moment and because of Michael's tendency to hide in dark shadows it's just about a guarantee that a night light will be required to get a full nights rest. This film will crawl under your skin and lodge itself deep inside the recesses of your subconscious...it's unforgettable.

Halloween is not only an important horror film since it helped to revitalize the slasher genre, it's also one of the more effective ones that can be sampled today. It makes for strongly recommended Halloween night viewing. Feel free to give the re-boot and it's sequel a viewing just as long as you see the original one FIRST.

4/5 Stars

So just like that, my fright Fest has come to an end. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Here's wishing all you ghosties and ghoulies out there a very happy Halloween. Until next time, stay safe

BEETLE'S 2ND ANNUAL FRIGHT FEST: TRICK 'R TREAT

2011-10-31T17:45:00.000-07:00

Hey there beetleheads, It's officially Halloween. Tonight I will be reviewing two films in honor of the occasion. We start off with Trick 'r Treat.

Trick 'r Treat is one of the better horror anthologies out there today, but hasn't gained the wide release it so badly deserved. Instead, it was released straight to DVD after a long battle to find a theatrical distributor (That's right, this film was SUPPOSED to hit theaters).

Trick 'r Treat is the story of one small town on Halloween and focuses on 5 unique tales that all occur on this special night and are interwoven and intertwined with each other.

There's a tale about a married couple, a crotchety old timer, three tricky kids and an idiot savant, three sexy females and their virgin friend who is looking for someone to be her first time, and their's a seemingly friendly school principle.

One of the neat things about Trick 'r Treat is that one of it's main themes has to do with adherence to the age old rules of Halloween (dressing up, trick or treating, never blowing out the jack o' lantern, and checking candy). It's also neat that all stories occur on the same night.

All in all, Trick 'r Treat may not be much scary and it may feel like it's trying too hard at times, but it is creepy enough to warrant a Halloween night viewing.

3/5 Stars

BEETLE RANT: GIRLS

2011-10-28T09:15:00.000-07:00

I can't understand it. No matter how close we come to dating me and the girl I've had my eye on for a long time have never been able to seal the deal. She always ends up abruptly changing her mind at the last fucking second. I give up. The only way I can make sense of this is that it must be vitally important to the universe that her and I not date, like if we were to date and fuck that would create some kind of rift in the fabric of reality and thus destroy everything as we know it to be. It sounds silly, but I swear to God it's got to be true. We have almost dated twice and each time she has gone back on her word, obviously the universe dosen't want us to date and it's either because of the above stated theory, or that the universe likes to use me as its own fucking rag doll to beat up on.

I've never had luck with the ladies, although I have been told I am rather talented at a certain trait (rhymes with tex). The first girl I dated lasted only one short week. We never..u kno, in bed but I was crazy about her. She grew bored and so moved onto the next available guy on a trip she took to Citywalk with him. She text messaged broke up with me and in the span of less than a minute (no, seriously....it took her less than a minute to switch guys) moved on to him ( and he was a trusted friend! After she broke up with him too he told me the whole story, that's how I know this).

Naturally, this made me bitter and jaded about girls in general. I have been hesitant to start up a real relationship because I don't want to open my heart up to a girl only to have her fucking stab it like the first one did. At this time I was still a virgin, and I wanted to lose it so I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. I had been hanging around another girl, and she had complained to me about how guys always lie to her and say they will date or fuck her and then back out. I invited her up to my apt. to have a smoke and while she was there I told her I wanted to date her. I had no intention of having the relationship last past the night (I'll be the first to admit I was a complete asshole here, what I did was wrong and fucked up on so many levels. I still can't believe I actually did this). While she was at my apartment we decided to watch a movie. Because I was friends with her ex, he had told me about a movie that made her horny so I chose this one to watch. After the film was over we went to my bedroom and proceeded to throw off our clothes and have some fun. I let her sleep over in my bed while I stayed up the rest of the night on the computer. The next morning she left and we both agreed to break it off (which is exactly what I wanted).

Unfortunately, I was still obsessed with my first after the sexual encounter I had with the other girl, I had been trying to win my first back for a while and had let her treat me like shit. In a last ditch effort to erase her from my mind I dated another girl, this one lasted for a good week and 3 days. We had some fun, but never "did the deed" (if u kno what I mean). She seemed to grow bored too, and had started making up excuses why she couldn't hang with me closer to the end of our relationship. Fearing the worst, I decided to cut it off before she had the chance to. Naturally, she was pissed, but I didn't care...for once I had taken control of a relationship.

My plan worked and after my most recent fling I had stopped being obsessed with my first. I was still her friend though and would chill and talk to her. When she had to move out of her apt to one on the other side of the apt. complex I agreed to help her move all her heavy ass shit to her new one as long as she would help me move my stuff to my new apt. . Naturally a week or so later when it came time for me to move, she refused to help...not even lifting a finger. Furious, I bitched her out in the middle of the parking lot while a good number of people were out and about. We haven't talked since.

Happy I had gotten that snake out of my life, I returned to my hometown over the summer and picked up a job as a bellhop at The Mariott. When summer's end neared, me and another girl (the one I was talking about at the beginning of the paragraph) decided to kind of sort of date over the phone. This only lasted for close to a week before she called it off with no explanation, claiming that she would never date a guy from my college again. Of course, a week after we got back to school she had already started dating one of the new sophmores at my school. Fucking bitch.

One day I came back to my apt. and found an obviously hungover chick a[hanging with my roommates. Later that night we decided to watch a movie together on my bed and while my roommate lay in the floor her and I cuddled on the bed. Before the night was over we were dating. We lasted a good 4 days or so before I called it off...I didn't want to fuck her and dump her. The next day was my 21st birthday so I came back to campus after partying a little bit tipsy and I proceeded to fuck her (Funny, usually a guy fucks a girl then dumps her. I dumped her and the fucked her....kinda humorous). Unfortunately after this she quickly became obsessed with me, so I started acting like a major dick to her in an effort to drive her away. This didn't work and she continued to fawn over me. One of my friends attempted to fuck her and she told him she was saving herself for me again....super creepy.

A few weeks later, I was in a horny spell so I fucked her again. Naturally, this only made matters worse. Eventually, with the help of some friends and some school officials, I was able to calm her down. We are still friends, and she is currently dating one of my friends.

I do like to go to the bar occasionally, so I was up at one of my local joints for college night, and they had a wet t-shirt contest. The girl that had taken my virginity was one of the contestants, and she had done the contest with NO BRA ON. I took her home with me and she let me make out with her breasts (She is soo much hotter than I remembered her being, I really do regret treating her like a cum dumpster). It was during this night that I found out one of my roommates had a crush on her. He burst into my room and glared me down, I told him that no sex would occur because she was on her period (this was true). He continued to glare at me, and I repeated my previous statement slower, as if I was speaking in code...a code he apparently couldn't understand(idiot). Either way he ended up leaving, and once he was gone I thew off her shirt and finsihed eating out her breasts (she almost orgasmed during this...told u I have the shine).

Now, yesterday, the girl I had attempted to date over the summer had a huge argument with her boyfriend and it resulted in him thinking about leaving her. Of course, seeing a moment of opportunity I swept in there and spent the rest of the day with her. We talked about what had happened over the summer, and we both agreed that it would be a good idea to try again. She said that if her boyfriend hadn't made up his mind by midnight she would call it off and date me instead. I was ecstatic. I went over with her to one of her friend's house and watched a game of baseball. We started out rooting for the same team, but by the end of the night she had switched to the other team and had cursed me out for supporting my team, saying that they hadn't deserved to win. By midnight she hadn't called it off, and had decided to go to Steak N Shake with her friends. The driver of the car had uninvited me to Steak N Shake because I wasn't rooting for his team. I tried to clarify with her (over text message) about the deal we had made but she only responded with Idk's and such. Today, I have avoided talking with her. I'm still holding out hope she decides to date me, but I seriously doubt we will. The Universe can be so cruel at times.

Now it is not only these personal experiences that have shaped my outlook on girls and relationships in general. Most of the relationships in my college are born out of desperation to be with somebody, anybody. I can't blame my peers for doing this, the desire to be loved is a strong one that can defeat any rational thought. Most of the relationships I have seen here have ended up crumbling apart, even the ones that I thought would last till after college. I have hope that in the REAL world, there will be relationships that are real and will last, but I still have a fairly pessimistic attitude towards love and relationships due to what I have seen occur at this college (which is why I am trying to transfer to another college, to try and move myself to a more positive learning environment where the student body isn't 90 % assholes. I know that this is a foolish hope, but I'm not letting it go anytime soon. It gets me through the day).

So what is my general outlook on girls you may ask? I think a lot of them are immature (thinking they mature faster than guys...even though I have seen many here that disprove that theory), manipulative (like my first gf who knew how to control my and others emotions to get what she wanted....be it to create sympathy, anger, or to perform a menial task), and cunning. They can be black hearted bitches that take pleasure on stomping out the flame in a guys heart purely for their own enjoyment. In short: I honestly don't trust them. Hopefully one day I'll meet a good girl, but I'm not sure if that day will ever come. Till then I have learned that since Luck is not my friend, I have to take control of certain situations if I'm ever going to get the things I want (the girl who took away my virginity being a great example, I wanted to fuck her, so instead of waiting I took control of the situation and got what I wanted....even if it did result in a certain amount of the student body hating me)

So there you have it, why my outlook on girls, relationships, and love is so pessimistic. Hopefully you understand why I feel the way I do, who knows, maybe you've had experiences similar to mine. So to all those who are denied, bad-mouthed, and laughed at by girls know that you are not alone....I am here, suffering right alongside you.

Your brother-in-arms

BEETLEJUICE

BEETLE'S TRAILER REVIEW: THE LORAX

2011-10-27T15:21:00.000-07:00

I, like many, was raised on the books of the classic author Dr. Suess. I had been in theaters to see every film that was based on one of his books. I was there for the great film version of Dr. Suess' How The Grinch Stole Christmas, the super crappy Cat In The Hat, and the highly enjoyable Horton Hears A Who. Now, another film version of one of his classic tales is set to hit theaters Spring 2012: The Lorax. The trailer has just debuted and honestly, it looks pretty promising.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=M_T6SsDvO7Q

It looks like this film's got everything I remember being in the book. Truffula Trees (The trees, the Truffula Trees!), Bar-ba-Loots (with their Bar-ba-Loot suits), Swome Swans, Humming Fish, and even what appears to be an environmental message of sorts. To me, it looks pretty incredible.

Despite the oddball song playing in the background, it looks like this film gets it. As far as I can tell the film sticks fairly close to the story of the book: Kid visits Once-ler and is told a tale that involves the Oncer-ler's past and mistakes he made that he now regrets. Of course there is some backstory given to the kid (pretty much he has a crush on a girl and he wants to bring her back a real life truffula Tree, and it is his quest for one that brings him to the Oncer-ler's doorstep which sets the events of the book into motion...it all feels very natural, which is a plus). Of course, trailers can be misleading but you can call me hopeful (I always expect great things from the studio that brought us Despicable Me). Chalk me up as one of the people who will definitely be seeing this film when it is released next year.

BEETLE'S 2ND ANNUAL FRIGHT FEST: HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS 21

2011-10-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

Hey there Beetle-heads! Today I bring you my trip report from scare central: Halloween Horror Nights 21. This year, I'm doing my usual trip report in a different format. You see, I had the great fortune of being able to buy a frequent fear pass for HHN 21, this little ticket allows you to visit HHN 21 multiple times for the price of one admission. Pretty much what I'm saying here is that I got to visit HHN 21 a total of four times, and got to go with different people each time so, instead of recounting one night's trip I will be instead going over each house and scarezone individually, assigning a score to each and rating them from 1 to 8 (for the houses) and from 1 to 6 (for the scarezones). Ready or not, here's my trip report from HHN 21.

For each area/house, the description I give will be the official description from the HHN website. The review will be my own though.

SCAREZONES

Let's start off with scarezones. The scarezones this year are one of the weaker parts of the overall event. Usually the scarezones are pretty well developed and designed, not so much this year. Apparently, all the money went into another facet of the event that I will get to later. So for now, let's delve into the scarezones to be found at HHN 21

ACID ASSAULT: For decades now the city has been degrading from the effects of Acid Rain that still falls today. Those that have lived and survived the blistering decay are all alone in the city. Survivors have stripped the city of all life to sustain their own...Dare to enter the Acide Assault!

So, pretty much self-explanatory here. We are entering a city that has been under a constant acid rain that has warped the citizens into homicidal freaks that are out to get us. Sounds like an average theme for a scarezone, but Universal stepped it up here. Acid Assault is located in the New York section of the park, and HHN takes full advantage of the setting here. Acid Assault is easily the best looking scarezone to walk through. Universal has a specual projection system set up to give off the illusion that the buildings in this area are crumbling down as we walk through, it's pretty damn neat. The scarectors are pretty cool here. I didn't get many scares but the makeup and costume design are superb. That said, I do have one major complaint: when the event first began there was a neat acid rain effect they had going on, but as the event continued this effect vanished. True, it was only soap suds they had falling down (I think that's what it was), but the effect really helped to cement the theming in this zone and with it gone it detracted a tad bit from the overall experience.

Rating: 8/10

Rank: # 4

CANYON OF DARK SOULS: Upon entering into the Canyon of Dark Souls, you will feel like a small spec of humanity as the overwhelming sense of death surrounds you. Creatures that dwell within the Canyon are not welcoming so walk slowly as to not disturb them.

This zone was pretty fun. There's not much design here, just two black walls that are on opposite sides of each other but close together creating the feel of a long, dark canyon. Despite the lack of theming here, the scareactors here are the hardest working ones I've seen at the event. Their costumes look bad ass (like hulking skeletons with black hoods) and there are ground walkers and stilt walkers creating a good sense of variety here. The whole canyon is filled with thick, all encompassing fog that easily disorients the visitor. Walking through this zone freaked me out because I didn't want to stumble into one of the scareactors. The scareactors would occasionally roam further outside their zone and thus extend the zone by a little bit (so cool to see this). Overall, this was one of my personal favorite zones of the event and it was always a joy to walk through it.

Rating: 8.5/10

Rank: #3

GROWN EVIL: Enter, if you dare, into our garden where Evil grows. Nature has taken this once well manicured sanctuary back from the humans who once kept it. Now the creatures that inhabit the garden are making any human that enters their prey!!!

I have always loved the central park area during HHN. Usually this part is filled with fog, darkness and glowing pumpkins. This year, Universal went the extra mile and decided to turn it into its very own scarezone. The Central Park area is beautifully themed to an overgrown park that has been invaded by evil winged creatures (alot of whom are played by females, HAWT females.). While the park is wonderfully realized, there wasn't a whole lot of scare potential to be had here. Sure, it was definitely creepy, but I only got maybe a few scares here and there, even less as the event rolled on. That said, it was always fun to walk through and marvel at the ladies in this zone and the costume design. Truly beautiful. I hope they continue to work on this area and perfect it with each proceeding event.

Rating: 8/10

Rank: #5

7: As daylight shines upon our temptresses, their appearance, though evil, allows you the spectacle of beauty. As night falls, these 7 temptresses will show their true colors and take on their true fatal evil forms!! Beware of your own temptations!

Now THIS...was a neat scarezone. Truly original and innovative. I love the theme of the seven deadly sins taking on human form and slowly degrading on throughout the night. I only got to visit this like, once, but it definitely made a lasting impression. While it would appear the sins would be the stars here (each portrayed by a beautiful female), in reality it's the numerous minions that steal the show. The sins themselves are confined to a small stage and have to strike poses throughout the night. they aren't much scary, but they are fun to watch. The minions however, are given free reign to roam around the zone. Each sin has her own special batch of demons (themed to the sin they serve), and each are pretty scary looking. I got a LOT of scares in here, and I loved it. This is also one of the only scarezones that had chainsaws inside it.

Rating: 9/10

Rank: #2

NIGHTMAZE: Journey through the ever changing maze of darkness! This all black maze will change and morph as you walk through it!!! You will not be scared the same way twice!

This area has pretty much NO theming to it. Inside it is pitch dark and there are a bunch of black moveable walls and scareactors clad all i black that easily blend into the darkness and the walls. WHAT A GREAT SET UP! True, I never had many scares in here, but the atmosphere created inside is super tense. Every corner you turn there could be a scareactor waiting to meet you or a wall that slams shut in front of you or moves to take you on a different path. The scarezone changes and re-arranges itself (with help from the scareactors) as you walk through it, which is pretty neat. It's very different from what your typical scarezone is at HHN. Most I talked to really didn't care for this one, BUT I LOVED IT!!!! I like how different and ambitious it is and is definitely my favorite scarezone of this year ( and one of my al time favs in the history of HHN).

Rating: 9/10

Rank: #1

YOUR LUCK JUST RUN OUT: Enter if you dare into the lair of the Lucky. Your choices will determine if you make it out alive! Witness Lucks deadly wrath. Will she choose you to be her next victim?

More like this SCAREZONE'S luck just ran out. This has got to be one of the worst scarezones I have ever seen in HHN. Sting Alley is a great, small, claustrophobic area that is full of great scare potential but HHN squandered that potential by putting in scattered theming, never putting any great scare opportunities in here. This is the Icon zone, and the Icon his year was Lady Luck (by far the worst Icon I think we've had thus far, but I'll get into that later). In here there are 3 characters you WILL run into: Sexy Luck, Monster Luck, and Luck's Minion's. The Sexy Lucks are mainly up on the catwalks and can't really do much from there except beckon to us and look pretty damn sexy. They wear a long green dress, and that's pretty much it. The Monster Lucks wear a badly designed mask that is neither frightening nor scary. They have scare cues (a loud pre-recorded roar/scream) that they jump out on, but that;s about it. The scariest and best part of the zone are the Minions: they are dressed in black suit-like outfits and carry axes and chainsaws, I really liked them and they got me quite a few times in here. I was seriously disappointed in this scarezone, It's always sad when such a rich area like Sting Alley isn't used to it's full terrifying potential (like it was last year in Saws n Steam). I don't blame the scareactors here, I know they tried to do the best could with what they were given to work with.

Rating: 4/10

Rank: #6

HOUSES

I said before that most of the money in HHN 21 seemed to be diverted into a specific area of the event...this area was the houses. HHN 21 played host to some of the best, most well-designed and well themed houses I have seen in HHN history. Without any further ado I present: the houses of HHN 21

NIGHTINGALES: BLOOD PREY- Within every war, the Nightingales have appeared. Able to transform themselves to fit any setting, these savage banshees feed on the weak and helpless. Patrolling WWI era trenches, you discover that you are more than just at war...You are being hunted.

This house was amazing on every damned level. As soon as you step inside you are face to face with a WW1 trench, a battle tank perched on top, the sounds of machine gun fire, and strobes. When i first saw all this I took a step back so I could better take it in. Right from second one, it feel like you have just stepped into the middle of battle. It would appear that you would find safety in the trenches as the war rages on above and around you...no such luck because the trenches are wear the fatal creatures of the house's title lurk. By day they look like normal hospital nurses, by night they transform into hidious beings that slowly suck the life force out of the weak and injured. The theming is superb, and the backstory is haunting and exceptionally well-done (I will be repeating this in just about every house review). The Nightingales are terrifying and tend to jump out when the machine gun fire climaxes in an explosion of light and sound (an effect that always sent me running). Definitely one of the scariest houses I have seen at HHN. I love how, as we travel on through the house, the Nightingales grow more monstrous and violent. It's a superb house that I'm sure will never leave my memory.

Rating: 9/10

Rank: #4

H.R. BLOODENGUTZ PRESENTS HOLIDAYS OF HORROR:Join creature feature host H.R. Bloodengutz in his final televised broadcast as he presents a scare-athon of holiday-based horror that is guaranteed to cleave you screaming for more.

In this house, a washed up actor has found work playing a late night B horror film host. When the manager of the television station he works at fires him right before one of his shows, The actor snaps and kidnaps the manager and slowly tortures him (eventually murdering him) during what will be the actor's last broadcast. Probably the best part of this house is the queue video in which we get to watch the actor's (his tv show name is H.R. Bloodengutz) last show as he tortures the manager. In the house, we get to walk through the horror films he is hosting, which are all holiday themed. It's pretty well-themed but ti's never laugh out loud funny or run away screaming scary. It's an enjoyable house nontheless and is worth a wait just to watch the superbly well-done queu vud and to get to meet HR in person (in the opening room of the house).

Rating: 7/10

Rank: #8

SAWS N' STEAM: INTO THE MACHINE- Spinning blades and massive, crushing pistons await you around every corner as you are forced deeper into the bowels of a mechanical nightmare. Give yourself to "The Machine".

If you visited HHN 20 last year then you should remember the scarezone that took full advantage of Sting Alley, Saws N Steam. In this scarezone, the small seaside town of New Yorkshire fell victim to steam vents that opened up around the town and drained the area of all water. It didn't take long for citizens to panic and begin to mutilate each other and visitors, extracting the water from bodies so they could survive. The house Into The Machine is a continuation of that story. In New Yorkshire a new cultish company named Horizions Extraction Company (I'll give you one guess what they are extracting, tee hee) has opened up promising citizens of New Yorkshire a better life if they join the company. We are playing citizens of the town that have decided to join the company, and of course the Horizon's promise of a better life is all bull. As we travel further into the bowels of the company it is revealed that the Horizon is killing citizens who join and sucking the water out of their bodies. This house was soooooo cool. It's got a very steampunk vibe with neat machines and saw buzzing and whirring and crazed Horizon workers chasing after us all the way through. yes, this house does have a fair amount of chainsaws, so that was a plus. I got many, many scares in here and even got to travel through all by myself during one visit (a true highlight for me, since all scareactor's full attention was on me, I LOVED IT). If ever there was a house to break the curse of the Jaws Queue, this one is it. The house feels fairly lengthy and manages (amazingly) to tell one complete story. It's also got a lot of great water effects (probably the wettest house I've been through, definitely refreshing on a hot night). Of course we do see people getting tortured here, but for most of the house the scareactor's attention is fully on us. Most of the scareactors here are on their A game, and there are some pretty cool SFX to be sampled here as well (like the room where the walls are turning saws that close in on us, the room where water seems to shoot up from the floor, the scuba scareactor that jumps out from a curtain of water scaring us and getting us wet...the whole house is truly superb in every single flippin way). All in All, this is one of the top houses of the night. If you missed Into The Machine then you missed much (It's also one of my favorite houses in HHN history).

Rating: 10/10

Rank: #2

THE THING: Paranoia spreads like an epidemic among a group of researchers in an isolated Antarctic outpost as they are infected, one by one, by a horrifying creature from another planet. In a place where there is nothing, they found something.

While the 2011 film was bad, this house was fantastic. Much like the HHN 19's The Wolfman, this house succeeds at making visitors feel like they have stepped into the 2011 film and the Thing universe. There are little details here and there that won't mean much unless you have seen the film. The atmosphere is great, and getting to see the "pure" form of the Thing was a thrill. Wonderfully themed, and thoroughly freaky The Thing makes for a fun house that is fun to re-visit.

Rating: 8/10

Rank: #6

WINTER'S NIGHT: THE HAUNTING OF HAWTHORN CEMETERY- As snow falls on this normally serene gothic cemetery, the deceased souls that occupy its confines have their sights set upon you. Insuring that the chill you feel up your spine is more than just the cold of night.

This was my personal favorite house of the night (it's not the top house though). The house feels like you're classic haunted cemetery, but at the same time it's so much more than that. The facade is beautifully serene as snow falls around us and a biting chill nips at your neck. This house has got the most elaborate backstory I've seen to a house in HHN. Pretty much a rich newly wed couple (Elizabeth and Johnathan Hawthorn) are looking for an area of land on which to build their home/mansion. Given 2 choices, they make the wrong choice and soon Elizabeth falls ill. Johnathan calls upon a slew of doctors but none can fix her, so he eventually calls upon Trumbull, a shady alchemist to cure his wife. Even Trumbull's attempts fail and eventually Elizabeth dies, after her death Trumbull uses a strange concoction as a substitute to formaldehyde. Johnathan turns the land into a sprawling cemetery in memory of his late beloved wife, and it is discovered that Elizabeth's ghost (apparently unable to rest due to the strange concoction placed in her body) and all the other dead rise to walk the grounds once every year. We happen to visiting on that night. With Johnathan long dead, one of Trumbull's descendants is now in care of the cemetery and has created a liquid which he uses to light the area, which creates a blue light that keeps the spirits in the cemetery. The whole area is beautifully themed, the cold helping to cement the illusion that we are up north. It really does feel like we are traveling through an actual cemetery, and there are some pretty neat effects sampled within. All scareactors are on their A game here, and wear really cool looking costumes. This is definitely another one of my favorite houses in the history of HHN and I made sure to visit it every time I attended this year's event.

Rating: 9/10

Rank: #3

THE FORSAKEN: Four ships began Columbus' fateful voyage, only three became legend. Condemned to a watery grave, the mutinous and cursed crew of that 4th ship has returned with a vengeance. For within the walls of a spanish fort, A maelstrom has brought from the depths...death itself.

This house is loosely based on john Carpenter's The Fog. To get into this house, you have to walk through a screen of fog, and once you do you find yourself in the dungeons of the spanish fort. This house was really cool, but was never really scary. The reason i continually traveled through this house was to marvel at the theming inside and at the movie quality sets inside. Throughout the house we are walking in the middle of a hurricane and there are gusts of wind and water that really help to add to that illusion and were probably my favorite part of this house. We start out navigating through the Spanish fort, then travel outside into the courtyard and eventually wind up on the Forsaken's ship. The costume design for The Forsaken were some of my favorites with their glowing green eyes and watery sailor garb they were truly a sight to remember (It was also fun to get to interact with them, I had a staring contest with one). This was another memorable house and another one of my personal faves of recent years. We don't ever get to see the Forsaken and the fort's resident's fighting (we do hear sword fighting though), we mainly see the after effects that mainly include mutilated soldiers. Overall, this was a really neat house that I thoroughly enjoyed walking through.

Rating: 9/10

Rank: #5

NEVERMORE: THE MADNESS OF POE- The madness of Edgar Allen Poe's greatest works has come to life. Step into the mind of the iconic writer, where every turn of the page takes you closer to the brink of insanity.

I really dug this house. I have been a fan of Edgar for a while now and it was a true treat to be able to enter his stories. Probably the best part of the house though was whenever Poe showed up, whether it be in his home (first scene of Nevermore) or in one of his stories. There are several Poe's in here, and somehow they all felt like the same guy...a real treat. Yeah, Poe does try to be scary but I just couldn't be scare by him. Every time he showed up I wanted to hug him and on my last trip through the house I would call out to some of he Poe's, saying I loved them. In this house we get to travel though Several of Poe's famous stories, including but not limited to The Raven, Masque of The Red Death, The Tell-Tale Heart, Pit and The Pendulum, and The Black Cat. For me what was the best aspect of the house was when Poe would appear in his stories, acting almost as a twisted tour guide to us. the last room was also fantastic with a completely crazed Edgar dancing around. This yet ANOTHER of my favorites in HHN history, it was truly a dream/nightmare come to life and I loved every second of it. That's why this nabs the top house title of the event for me.

Rating: 10/10

Rank: #1

THE IN-BETWEEN: An ominous portal reveals a 3rd dimension where all is not what it seems: A realm where our world and another collide. Surrounded by fiendish creatures, your eyes will deceive you with every step through this phantasm of terror.

This house was my first ever 3D house, and DAMN was it cool. As soon as you walk inside you find yourself traveling down a college dorm hallway and right into a dorm room adorned with posters, in the middle of the room is a pulsing red Ouija like board that emits bursts of smoke occasionally. It's a great opening that immediately throws you right into this houses world. The story here is that a college student steals a professors cool looking game board, unaware that it is actually a portal into a terrifying dimension known as the In-Between. In this house we are sucked into the In-Between and get to explore this new and mesmerizing realm. The whole house plays like an acid trip gone very very bad. The highlights were the spinning tunnel (in 3D, i felt like I was about to fall over on myself and vomit. It was especially bad when the line was slow and it took forever to get through this part...I wanted to curl up in a ball and sob to myself), the spinning head room, the lazer room, a room FULL of multi-colored yarn, and a never-ending hallway effect that was particularly effective. The scareactors here were on their A game, taking every opportunity to scare guests when they were off guard or dizzy, their costumes were absolutely demonic. The 3D made them seem closer to you than they actually were (I think?) and their red eyes seemed to float out of their heads (a very neat creepy effect). Every time I got out of this house it would take me a while to catch my bearings and I loved that. This house thrilled me, chilled me and fulfilled me (like the unneeded Rocky Horror Reference here?).

Rating: 8/10

Rank: #7

Let me just say that every house this year was absolutely FANTASTIC and blew me away like other years never could have imagined. The only house i felt was lacking was Bloodengutz , and event that was entertaining. Pretty much every house that came in at 1- 7 ranking were tops and some of the best I have seen.

SHOWS

BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT HALLOWEEN ADVENTURE: Party on as those two most excellent dudes return to skewer the biggest names in entertainment and pop culture.

I'm a huge fan of Bill and Ted, so I always make a point to attempt to see their show every year. That said, this was one of the weaker shows I've seen but it was still mounds better than last year's show. The plot this year is that a green alien (strongly resembling The Great Gazoo for whatever reason) lands on Earth with a mission to destroy it due to the terrible pop culture found here and he's going to start with Bill and Ted (because they celebrate mediocrity or something like that). It's up to Bill and Ted to get a group of pop culture and entertainment icons together from last year and prove this alien wrong.

PROS: Conan/Coco, an amazing finale (best one I've seen in my 3 yrs attending), Kickstart My Heart (It was awesome on so many levels to see the whole group ganged together jamming out with Bill and Ted in the lead with guitars), Mr. Chow from The Hangover/Hangover Part 2 (Delivered the best opening I have ever seen), Smurfette (this sequence made me feel like a pervert, but WOW was she hot. There was also a part where she was dancing and you could see her panties), Osama Bin Laden (Definitely came out of left field but every time he was on i laughed my as off), Bush and Obama/Seal Team 6 (Great surprise), Charlie Sheen (barely used but it's still good to see him in the show), Captain Mexico (I would seriously buy a Captain Mexico shirt, this guy was awesome and shows that the writers still got it), The set ( Straight out of the film, resembles a Circle K but is called a 69 for whatever reason, maybe legal issues?), and there's also a great joke about the audience being drunk and another audience pleaser about little kids at the event.

CONS: Many characters seemed out of place or completely random, many jokes didn't hit their mark like they should have, the way they wrap up the villain's storyline was really weird, and the villain for this year's show was lame (but fun, better than last year's villain).

So yeah, the show was one of the weaker ones I've seen but I do enjoy it for what it is. I think of this year's BnT show as good, campy fun which is why I was able to have a blast with it despite it's shortcomings.

Rating: 7/10

ICON: LADY LUCK

I had to take time out to talk about the weakest part of the event for myself. The Icon for this year: Lady Luck. It felt as if the designers had the event planned out and threw her in last second because the public loves Icons. Well HHN, may I be Frank? Please don't throw in an Icon if you can't find a use for her. They had her tie into each house in a way that felt forced and unecessary ( she doesn't appear in the houses though. In In-Between's backstory I guess she was the professor, in Bloodengutz's backstory she was the girl who offered HR the job at the TV studio, in Forsaken's backstory she was Queen Isabella, In Nevermore's backstory she was the girl who sold Edgar the ticket to Baltimore, in Winter's Night's backstory she was the one who offered The Hawthorn's the two plots of land, I don't even know who she was in Nightingales and Saws N Steam!). From now on if uni. can;t come up with a good Icon they should just stick to an overall theme. This year I felt she failed to tie together the event like she should have and only dragged it down. So, those are my thoughts on that.

OVERALL EVENT

Despite the scarezones and the lackluster Icon I feel that this is the best HHN since 2008's. This year's event plays host to some of the best, most well-themed, elaborate, and strongest houses I've seen in my 4 years of attending HHN. I'm almost depressed that this year's event has to end, because I'm having a hard time imaginging how they could possibly top these houses next year. I guess I just have to have faith in the designers and co-ordinators of HHN, I'm sure they'll find some way to surprise me. So, till next year, this has been your Ghost Host with the most most Beetlejuice, signing off from Scare Central! See ya next year, same time same place!

OVERVIEW

SCAREZONES

1. NIGHTMAZE 9/10

2. 7 9/10

3. CANYON OF DARK SOULS 8.5/10

4. ACID ASSAULT 8/10

5. GROWN EVIL 8/10

6. YOUR LUCK JUST RAN OUT 4/10

HOUSES

1. NEVERMORE: THE MADNESS OF POE 10/10

2. SAW N STEAM: INTO THE MACHINE 10/10

3. WINTER'S NIGHT: THE HAUNTING OF HAWTHORN CEMETERY 9/10

4. NIGHTINGALES: BLOOD PREY 9/10

5. THE FORSAKEN 9/10

6. THE THING 8/10

7. THE IN-BETWEEN 8/10

8. H. R. BLOODENGUTZ PRESENTS HOLIDAYS OF HORROR 7/10

BEETLE FILM DISCUSSION: PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3 (HEAVY SPOILERS)

2011-10-24T23:26:00.001-07:00

Hey there, I recently reviewed the film Paranormal Activity 3. I haven't been able to get this film out of my mind for the past few days (a sign of a good film). This film raised so many bizzare questions, questions that weren't even addressed or hinted at in the previous two films. How come Katie and Kristi talk about their house burning down when we never see footage of this actually happening (maybe the cult they go to live with in the end of the film burned it down, maybe they were lying about it but why would they lie to their spouses, maybe they were brainwashed into thinking various things including the burn down of their house), why don't they ever mention their mom and stepdad dying and going to live with the grandmom (Surely they would have mentioned that IMPORTANT FACT in the previous films), why don't they ever mention being raised by a cult (This is easily explained away though, I imagine they were probably brainwashed either into not remembering these events or believing the cult was some big family, but if this were the case why is this "big family" never brought up in the previous films), Since Katie is clearly possessed by the end of the film did the demon unpossess her or did the cult drive him out of her because she wasn't fully ready yet? Do you understand why I say in my review that PA 3 only serves up more questions (questions we wouldn't have if the film had actually STUCK TO WHAT WAS SET UP IN THE PREVIOUS FILMS)?

Why is just about none of the footage from the trailers shown in this film (The trailers actually included footage of a house burning down, so it seemed like the footage from the trailers stuck closer to the mythology than the actual film did)? Well, there are two possibilities: Possibility #1 is that originally they had a whole different film prepped for release, this means that 2 different versions of the film had been created but in the end they decided to go with the version we saw in theaters (maybe test screenings of the original footage weren't as positive as they had hoped, maybe they wanted to do something different?). Possibility # 2 (and the possibility that is way more probable) is that they shot all that footage specifically for the trailers and never had any intent of actually inserting that footage into the film, if true, this pisses me off. It's a brilliant strategy to mislead audiences but that also means that they were purposefully misleading and lying to audiences, showing them a film they would never see. NOT. COOL. In the end, we'll just have to wait for the dvd release to see if they release an alternate cut along with the theatrical release.

In fact, the film fails to follow the mythology and events established in the first 2 films so badly I wondered if they brought a new screenwriter onto the film. I did some investigating online, and the screenwriters for PA3 were Christopher B. Landon (who helped to write the screenplay for PA 2 along with 4 others) and Oren Peli (He wrote the screenplay for the original and helped write the screenplay for the sequel). Now, I can understand why Landon could have inadvertently messed up. Maybe he didn't fully understand the events that had been alluded to in the other films, but that's why Oren Peli was there...to set him back on the right path but he apparently failed to do that. I am seriously disappointed, we could have had a really cool origin story but instead we got a fake one that doesn't make sense when viewed with the rest of the films in the franchise.

I assume the reason they decided to deviate from previously established events (if this was even a conscious decision and not an accident) was to make it a more interesting, unpredictable film. Well, it does succeed (PA 3 is really quite thrilling) but at what cost? PA 3 asks us to take what

we have been told was fact and truth in the previous films and throw that all away. I say: "But movie...you made all that out to be true". Movie responds: "I was lying". I fire back with: "But the characters seemed to believe what they were saying, they seemed to be speaking from what little memory they had of the events". Movie responds with: "They were mistaken, they were lying too". I respond: "So, let me get this straight...in the previous two films you were lying to us and you had the characters lie to us too"? Movie responds: "Yes". Angry, I respond a final time: "...fuck you". You see, I understand what the film was trying to do, but they went about it the wrong way. I would say maybe this is a reboot of the franchise, but THIS IS ONLY THE 3RD FILM!!!! It's too early for a reboot and frankly I don't want one!

Now, besides all my negative harping on the ending (I actually screamed "What" twice, once when the screen cut abruptly to black, a 2nd time when the credits started rolling) I must say that I really did enjoy the film....I'm even contemplating if I may actually love it. The whole film before the ending is superbly well done, well acted, and well filmed. It's definitely the best film in the franchise thus far...but it's got the worst ending I've seen for the franchise (hence why I had said best film and worst film). Stripping away it's affiliation with the Paranormal Activity Franchise and judging it as its own film...I would honestly give it 5 out of 5...it was better than sex and was one of the more original, innovative, and wildly ambitious horror films I've seen in recent years. Unfortunately, you HAVE to judge it as part of the Paranormal Activity Franchise because it's, you know, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3 and unfortunately that's where the film ultimately falls apart. Because the film fails to follow pre-set events (God, how many times have I used this phrase in this discussion?) it just doesn't work as a Paranormal Activity film and that's why it ends up failing as a film overall. Yes, my final score is still 2.5 stars and GOD do I wish I could give this film a better rating. I love that it's so ambitious and clever, I love how the characters are fleshed out, I love how it tries to be original (in it's own weird way) and I love how it ( FOR ONCE, THANK GOD) doesn't rely solely on jump scares to get the audience scared. I also have to give props to Henry Yoost and Ariel Schulman (the creative minds behind Catfish, one of the most realistic documentaries I have ever seen). They are some of the most ambitious, creative and clever filmmakers I have seen and I wish them the best of luck on their future endeavors (I'M ROOTING FOR YOU GUYS!)

So there you have it, my full thoughts on Paranormal Activity 3. I hope this helps to explain my rating on the film and maybe will either encourage you to see this cool controversial little flick or to give it a skip for the time being. It's up to you, but personally I'd wait till DVD (it's always viewed better when you're in a house alone with all the lights off...no bothersome audience members to distract you), where I'm still holding out hope for some cool dvd extras and maybe an alternate cut (a dim hope, since no other Paranormal Activity DVD comes with anything except the finished film).

BEETLE'S 2ND ANNUAL FRIGHT FEST: THE POUGHKEEPSIE TAPES

2011-10-24T00:18:00.000-07:00

The Poughkeepsie Tapes is one of the scariest films I have ever seen, playing heavily on society's fear of murder, torture, serial killers, and the chance that some killers may escape scotch free.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes is a mockumentary (the film is NOT based on a real killer and the events depicted in the film did NOT occur, so sleep safely in this knowledge) about a brutal, sadistic serial killer that ravages the small town of Poughkeepsie for a good number of years. Eventually the FBI manage to uncover his home, but when they make a raid on it they discover that it's empty, the only thing left behind being stacks of tapes on which the killer recorded his murders.

The film is made up of fake documentary footage about the killer and some of the footage found on the infamous tapes, both taking up equal portions of the film. The Poughkeepsie Tapes plays like a documentary you would find on The Discovery Channel or Tru TV, and that makes it feel all the more real and terrifying. Helping with the suspension of belief are the tapes themselves. the footage viewed from the tapes are grainy, and at times hard to make out..in other words: it looks like actual footage from a VHS recorder.

The acting in the documentary portions is pretty bad, and the actual footage is made up of torture porn-esque sequences of victims screaming, crying, spitting up blood etc. All in all, while The Poughkeepsie Tapes is competently filmed and directed, I couldn't recommend it to anyone except those who are die-hard fans of the real life crime programs on Tru TV, those who are currently working in the forensics and investigative services, and those who are studying to become a forensics detective or such.

Probably the only part that came across as forced and fake was the ending where the film pulls the typical: He's still out there, he could be living in YOUR town, but steps it up a notch too far by adding in that HE COULD BE IN THIS VERY THEATER. Ya, suuuure movie, sure.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes is a really hard film to watch, and if by some miracle you do make it through to the end then I promise you it will stay lodged deep in your mind long after it's over. Yes, many sleepless nights await you, so watch this at your own risk.

2/5 Stars

ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR FUN: BEETLE JOINS THE THREE MUSKETEERS

2011-10-22T18:47:00.000-07:00

I have been looking forward to this film for quite some time now, ever since I first heard about it's being made. The film is somewhat personal to me, and no, I won't explain why. Besides that though, the tale of three friends that band together to kick ass and save lives has always appealed to me (at least, the idea has, I have never actually read The Three Musketeers).

The Three Musketeers follows our three heroes; Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), Aramis (Luke Evans), and Porthos (Ray Stevenson); shortly after a failed mission that has just about ruined their reputation and their spirits. A young wanna-be Musketeer named D'Artagnan (Logan Lerman) sets out to join his heroes and in the process revitilizes their spirits. Little do the foursome know that a nefarious plot is being hatched by Athos' ex-lover Milady (Milla Jovovich) and the Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz) to throw France into a war with Britain, a plot that only the Three Musketeers plus D'Artagnan can thwart.

The Three Musketeers is a very fun film, but it's one I'd dare say most would probably dislike. Musketeers is one of those films that is best viewed with your brain in the off position, and it is this that most probably would dislike. Personally, I think some just don't know how to have a good time. The Three Musketeers plays like a Saturday morning cartoon; It's goofy, campy, silly and lots of fun.

What surprised me most about the film, is that despite it's mindlessness the main characters are actually pretty smart. The Three Musketeers always are ready with a plan up their sleeve, and are fast on their feet. Not only are they notoriously good fighters, they are also notoriously smart and cunning, and that's one of the things that really appeals to me about them. Sure, their characters may not be fully fleshed out (D'Artgnan is bold and brash, running head first into battle, always ready for a fight; Athos has just been betrayed by a lover and thus doen't really believe in anything anymore; Aramis is pretty religious and believes that everyone has got to believe in something; and Porthos is the sarcastic brute with a heart of gold) but the actors characterizations are strong enough and believable enough to keep most firmly interested in their going-ons and to keep audiences rooting for them. They have a strong bond of brotherhood, they kick ass, and they are pretty smart and that's why I love every one of them.

Milady is the femme fatal of the film. She slinks her way into people's lives that she can use to her own advantage. She only ever has her own best interest at heart (even though it is slightly implied that she does indeed love and care about one of the main characters) and is only ever truly on her own side. As played by Milla Jovovich, Milady oozes sexuality (especially in one scene where she does a fast striptease) and cunning, willfully turning the men in the film against each other for her own betterment and amusement. She is a real bitch, but one that I actually found myself enjoying.

Richelieu is played by Christoph Waltz, and he is another smart character in the film. He and Milday devise a plan to turn the young King Louis XIII (Freddie Fox), his queen (Juno Temple), and The Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom) against each other and thusly spark a war between Britain and France. In the ensuing chaos, he hopes to usurp the throne. Christoph Waltz does a really good performance, but it's honestly nothing we haven't seen before. I'm beginning to get worried that Waltz is starting to get typecast as the villain. This man is a super talented actor and he doesn't deserve to waste his acting abilities on typical villain roles. That said, he does bring his character to believable life and definitely has fun with his role, but is still just your average villain in the end.

Freddie Fox is pretty fun as the dimwitted, fashion obsessed young king (his failed attempts to keep up with the current fashion of the times comes across as a clever social commentary). He has a youthful enthusiasm about him and he attacks his role as king like a young, excited boy would. This makes for an interesting character that is super fun to watch, and also is easy to root for. His standout scenes are one where he is supposed to punish the Musketeers for some rash behavior but instead does something completely different (His youthful enthusiasm shines through here. It is clear he idolizes the Musketeers and looks upon them like a kid would upon real, living superheroes) and one where he asks D'Artagnan's for advice on how to woo a lady and then tries to impress the queen (he stutters through the scene with the queen like a lovesick puppy , but it is obvious that the two do share a love and they do indeed make quite the cute couple).

Orlando Bloom plays the villainous Duke of Buckingham who is a sworn enemy to The Three Muskateers, and a lover to Milady. Of course, he doesn't realize he is being used to ignite a war. He is an interesting character, but doesn't really leave a lasting impression. He's not very smart, doesn't appear to be able to think for himself, and tends to react with violence and threats of vengence...in other words he's the perfect pawn for Richilieu and Milady.

Gabriella Wilde is Constance, the love interest for D'Artagnan and one of the royal ladies. Besides helping the Musketeers at a crucial moment, she isn't given much to do in the film. A shame, becuase she does seem somewhat talented, and she is definitely very pretty.

Yet another character in the film is the captain of the guard, Rochefort, played by Mads Mikkelson. Rochefort is a true villainous knave who prefers to fight with guns instead of swords and doesn't like to fight fairly. Shortly after he insults D'Artagnan and his horse, D'Artagnan challenges him to a duel and is promptly shot in his shoulder. It is after this that D'Artagnan makes it his goal to seek revenge against Rochefort ( a goal that culminates in an ok duel between both characters). Rochfort acts under the commands of Richelieu, and thus acts as a secondary villain in the film.

In case you haven't noticed, most of the cast is made up of unknowns, and I like this about the film. It's always good to have a few fresh faces in the bunch. While most haven't been in much (except for the obvious big names), they still manage to pull off their roles brilliantly (especially the Three Musketeers and D'Artagnan).

Despite my general goodwill towards this film, there were a few things that bothered me. The first thing is that there is a good chunk of the film (maybe 20 minutes or so) where we focus solely on Milady and Richelieu and the Musketeers disappear. I understand this was done to develop the plot of the film, but it does detract a bit from the film overall. The good news is I was just beginning to notice that they had gone missing right when the Musketeers returned, so right when I started craving more of them, they returned.

The 2nd thing that annoyed me about the film is that there are too many villains in it (a whopping 4 in total). The film can never quite make up its mind who the main villain is, and so instead chooses the least likely candidate to focus on during the climax and lets one of the bigger baddies get off scotch free (it even allows him to play fake hero at the end). While this did scratch at me, it kind of made sense that The Musketeers would allow this person to take credit for the heroics so that they could remain in the shadows.

The 3rd thing that annoyed me about the film is that it focuses mainly on the story of D'Artagnan. While the character is a complete bad-ass and super easy to like, and while he definitely has what it takes to be a Musketeer it still doesn't make complete sense why he would be such a huge role in the film. The main advantage of this decision is that it allows the audience to view the Musketeers through his eyes, and that makes them seem larger than life and infinitely cool, so I guess that's a plus. At least this did not diminish the roles of the Three Muskateers, they still appear in the majority of the film and are the main characters along with D'Artagnan....it's almost like the four share lead billing, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's definitley noticeable.

The last thing that annoyed me about the film is the last segment that is tagged onto the end of the film. It doesn't really make sense, and seems to set up a sequel. I have feeling that a sequel will not be made because most seem to really dislike this film, so the epilogue of sorts comes across as pointless. Just leave when the screen fades to black.

I imagine the main reason anyone would go to The Three Musketeers would be for the action, and this film delivers that in droves. There are numerous action scenes within the film, and all are pretty thrilling (my personal favorite would have to be the fight between The Three Muskateers and D'Artagnan against Rochefort and the royal guard). All the action scenes are competently filmed and directed, successfully being thrilling, exciting, and cool all at the same time. Perhaps one of the best parts of the film is the climax, which takes place on an airship (Don't tell me that's not awesome. There are a good three or four action scenes that take place on this neat craft, and these scenes make up the climax). I went in wanting action, and I got alot of it, so I'm sure you action junkies will be quite pleased with this film.

I saw The Three Musketeers in 3D and it plays fairly well with this added demension. Mind you, it wasn't really necessary to add a 3rd dimension to the film, but what the film does with the new tech can be impressive at times. I'd say see this one in 2D instead though, that way you can save a few bucks.

So, was The Three Musketeers what I had been hoping for? The answer is a resounding yes. I never expected the film to be of a superb quality, I knew from the trailers that it was going to be silly fun and if anyone thought otherwise then they must have misinterpreted the trailers. While it is sure to divide audiences, I tend to fall on the positive side for this one. It may not be a superb film, but it accomplishes what it set out to do: show audiences a fun, mindless time at the movies. The Three Musketeers is like a better version of the previous G. I. Joe film, playing like a saturday morning cartoon version of the classic tale. It's definitely not a film for everyone, but I loved it nontheless. In the end, The Three Musketeers is fantastic fun.

3.5/5 Stars

BEETLE'S 2ND ANNUAL FRIGHTFEST: PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3

2011-10-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS, SO READ AHEAD AT YOUR OWN CAUTION

I have some serious mixed feelings about Paranormal Activity 3. I love it, yet I don't love it...you dig? Ok, maybe I'd better explain.

Paranormal Activity 3 takes place several decades before the events of the first and 2nd films, occurring around 1988. The two sisters from the first two films, Katie and Kristi, are living a good life. Katie (Chloe Csengery) has just celebrated her most recent birthday, and her mom Julie (Lauren Bittner) has just gotten together with amateur videographer Dennis (who acts as a cool stepfather to the sisters, played by Christopher Nicholas Smith). All seems to be fine until young Kristi (Jessica Tyler Brown)makes a new imaginary friend named Toby who is (OBVIOUSLY) not what he appears to be. As more and more strange events occur at their house, an intrigued Dennis sets up several cameras in an attempt to catch footage of whatever is going on.

Paranormal Activity 3 is the best film in the franchise thus far...but at the same time it is also the worst (It;s also the most clever and the most ambitious as well). In Paranormal Activity 3, the characters of Julie and Dennis are fully fleshed out and actually manage to come across as real human beings in this film. By the end of the film, I found that I had grown to care about them and their fate. It is believable that Dennis would grow excited over the events he is catching on film, and it is fun to watch his reactions change from excitement to horror and worry as the events he captures on film grow more and more violent until he is thrust into the middle of them, it being up to him to save his new family. Julie is also great as the non-believer (a great role switch, since in the Paranormal Activity films it is usually the male who is the nonbeliever, and the female who is trying to convince him of the truth. Here, it's the other way around) who does care about her family but doesn't have time for Dennis' silly antics. Both Smith and Bittner do a superb job of acting out their roles, bringing a believability to them. Both of the adults are pretty smart (especially Dennis, except for at the end where he has to act dumb for the sake of the plot and whatnot), which wasn't really seen in the previous two films.

Another great role is that of Randy (Dustin Ingram), Dennis' younger videographer helper. He's not in the film for long, but he does serve an important role in that he lends Dennis books on demonology, and is the first person to warn Dennis of the very real danger that Toby is. When inevitably Randy has his own first hand encounter with a pissed off Toby, he gets while the getting's good....a surprisingly wise idea.

PA 3, as I had said before, takes place in 1988, but it's not nostalgic in any way. This is the way throwbacks to the 80s should be handled. Character's clothing resembles the fashion in the 80's, decorations resembles that from that era, etc. By focusing on the story and throwing in small 80's references the film succeeded in making me feel like it was actually taking place in that era. I'd call that a success.

Another thing that was interesting about this film was that the trailers were FULL of scenes that were nowhere to be seen in the finished product. This set me up to expect the film to go one route when it actually did a 180 and went in the complete opposite direction. This was neat becuase I never really knew where we (the film and I) would end up, but at the same time it kind of felt like the trailers were lying to me.

Paranormal Activity 3 builds itself up to quite the climax. It takes longer than it did in the other films for shit to get real, but when it does...oh boy, hold onto your hats (one scene rivals the kitchen explosion in PA 2). I can't explain why, but for some reason Toby seems more angry than he does in the previous films, and his actions are much more violent this time around (not to mention he's also an asshole and a cockblock, you'll see what I mean). The film is never very scary, but it's filled with a thick tension that finally explodes during the last act.

The climax of Paranormal Activity 3 actually takes the road less traveled, and has humans be the main antagonists for most of this part. Somehow, this was scarier (I'm definitely more scared of cultists than Toby) and came across as a fresh, smart, fun choice for the film to make. I commend it for choosing to stand away from the previous films and become it's own. At the same time though, this hurts the film as well...in a big way (I have literally never seen a film crash so hard and so fast). The climax doesn't wrap up the way you think it would, and several huge events occur that neither sister even bring up in PA one or two (pretty sure they would have mentioned the death of their parents and going to live with their grandmother and other huge stuff I'm not at liberty to divulge here). I walked out of the theater furious with the way the last minutes play out, it was almost like a big FUCK YOU to fans of the franchise. I honestly feel that this film would have been better if it changed the character's names and chose NOT to affiliate itself with the Paranormal Activity name, I think I would have liked the ending more that way.

Paranormal Activity 3 is a competently made horror film that is filled with tension and some good jump scares (unlike the other films, it doesn't JUST rely on jump scares though, this time around there is some genuinely freaky stuff we see going on). Most of the characters are well written and believable ( the young sisters do an ok job, the best one being Jessica Tyler Brown as Kristi. Still, their not breakout performances by any means), it moves along at a good clip and takes it's time building itself up, if only the ending fit in with what the franchise had set up thus far. All in all, while most will walk in expecting answers, Paranormal Activity 3 only serves up even more mind-numbing questions (some of which don't even make sense or only make the franchise that much more needlessly confusing and complex). It is at the same time exactly what the franchise needed, and exactly what it didn't need. See this film at your own risk.

2.5/5

I was going to give this film 4 stars, but becuase of that ending I wound up giving it the current rating instead, think about that.

WHERE WE'RE GOING WE DON'T NEED ROADS: BACK TO THE FUTURE NEWS

2011-10-19T08:42:00.001-07:00

I'm sure you all remember back when I got all crazed over the prospect of actual self-tying Nike's, well get for that all over again.

I come here today with 2 pieces of super cool back to the future technology news, this time revolving around Hoverboards and Deloreans.

First up: Deloreans. It would appear that electric BTTF-esque Deloreans are all set to be released sometime 2013. The estimated price is 90,000-100,000 simoleans, top speed will be around 125 MPH (there should be no problem hitting 88 MPH), will have 260 horsepower, and perhaps coolest of all will actually come with GULL-WING DOORS. Judging from the numerous pics I've seen, I must say that these babies look EXACTLY like Doc Brown's famed flying Delorean in the BTTF films (except these don't fly and can't travel through time, of course). I'll save myself the trouble and start saving up my money now.

LINK: http://www.slashfilm.com/back-future-real-life-electric-deloreans-coming-2013/

Next up: Hoverbaords. While Hoverboards have not been crearted yet, it looks like we may be closer than we were before due to a new process called Quantam Locking, which locks an object in space and time. How exactly this is done I have no idea, but the possibilities are quite literally endless if this catches on and is commercialized (maybe we really will have flying cars one day?).

Link: http://www.slashfilm.com/future-real-life-working-hoverboard-amazing-science-quantum-locking/

So that about does it for Road news today....till next time remember: In the future, roads will be a thing of the past.

BEETLE'S 2ND ANNUAL FRIGHT FEST: MOVIE NEWS

2011-10-18T11:25:00.000-07:00

Hey there Beetle-heads, it's time for a Fright Fest edition of Beetle's Bug Juice. Today, I go over some depressing news regarding the Piranha 3D sequel.

The Piranha 3D sequel (titled Piranha 3DD) was originally set for a November 23rd 2011 release date. The plot was to follow the carnivorous fish as they somehow made their way into a brand new highly hyped water park where they would begin to gobble up incoming guests. Christopher Lloyd and Ving Rhames supposedly were to reprise their roles from the first film. Sounds like it could be fun, right? With a different creative team behind it, Piranha 3DD was to break away from its predecessor and actually was to be filmed in 3D and not post-converted. Of course, the film shoot has already wrapped and it seemed to be all set to be released.However, I have just gotten word that Piranha 3DD has been pushed back to sometime in 2012...a death sentence.

I don't know when it will be released, but till then I anxiously await the day when I can finally see this film in theaters. Till then I'm Beetlejuice and you've just been bugged

BEETLE IS CONFOUNDED, CONFUSED, AND ULTIMATELY ENLIGHTENED BY TERRENCE MALICK'S THE TREE OF LIFE

2011-10-17T22:22:00.000-07:00

I'm going to get this out of the way right off the bat. Terrence Malick's The Tree of Life is definitely not a film for everyone. It never makes a whole lot of sense to the mind, but it makes sense to the soul. The first 30 minutes and last 20 are a symphony of seemingly unrelated images, the part in-between follows the life of one American family in the 50's , focusing mainly on a mother (Jessica Chastain), a father (Brad Pitt), and one of their sons (when young played by Hunter McCacken, when an adult played by Sean Penn although he barely appears in this film) who goes through a worldly crisis as he tries to make sense of this world, who he is, and how he fits into it all. It's a moving story, but it can be downright tough to sit through and is hair-rippingly impossible to make much sense of. It really feels like you are going through the womb when you watch this film, it's unique, different, startling and unsetlling but is brilliant nontheless.

All the actors do a great job here, no surprise there. I can't help but wonder how Brad Pitt and Sean Penn got wrapped up in this film though, they don't seem the types to appear in a film such as this but their prescense strengthens the film overall.

If you're not religious there is a good chance that you will not enjoy this film, there is a constant undertone of religious themes in this film, and at times it can be somewhat off-putting even to a christian such as myself. The film also has long periods of music, silence, and bits of voice over narration synced to beautiful but almost detached images that don't really seem connected.

The Tree of Life is a very different film, but it is a masterpiece nontheless, and if you can find a way to sit through the first 30 minutes without fidgeting then I salute you. I wouldn't reccommend it to everyone, but it still is worth a hesitant viewing if you're curious about it like I was.

4/5 stars

BEETLE IS SWEPT AWAY BY MIDNIGHT IN PARIS

2011-10-17T14:01:00.000-07:00

Many films came out in the summer of 2011, most were pretty bad and few were good. Many I talked to claimed that Midnight in Paris was the best film of the summer, possibly the year. Of course, this intrigued me and so I sat down to give this cool little film a watch.

Midnight in Paris is the story of struggling screenwriter Gil (Owen Wilson) who is engaged to the stunningly beautiful Inez (Rachel McAdams). When Inez's parents travel to Paris on business, Inez and Gil trail along. Gil, who has always had a thing for Paris, is happy as a clam. His itinerary and Inez's clash, and after a night of wine tasting Gil (slightly inebriated) goes off on his own to wander the streets of Paris. At midnight an old fashioned vehicle pulls up and transports Gil back to the era he has always fantasized about: Paris in the roaring '20s.

Midnight in Paris is easily Owen Wilson's best film. In it he plays starry eyed Gil, who is all fantasies, dreams, hopes, and naivete. He is thrilled to be back in Paris and wants to see the sights and take in the atmosphere, unfortunately Inez has different plans and wants to do all the typical things Americans do when visiting this city, and this bores Gil. When he is inevitably whisked back to the 1920's, his initial reaction and his slow comprehension of what is actually happening are convincing and enjoyable to watch. Gil quickly becomes like a kid in a candy shop, and it is a joy to watch his joy on screen.

Gil is easily Wilson's best role of his career thus far, and it is a true treat to be able to see him tackle a role that doesn't require him to be overly annoying or whiny. Gil is a very funny character, but it's never comedy overload, and this is balanced by the fact that Gil is actually quite smart and witty. Owen Wilson is convincing, believable, and lovable in his portrayal of Gil, who is clearly meant to represent Woody Allen and to a certain extent the audience as well. I have enjoyed Owen Wilson in the past, but for the first time he really shines here.

Inez is played by the stunningly beautiful Rachel McAdams and the film isn't above reminding us of this fact. There is one scene where the camera focuses on her ass as she walks down a street and another as she bends over a car.It isn't obvious in the way the film does this, the camera doesn't zoom right in on it, but it's clear what we're supposed to be watching in these scenes. I have no problem getting to ogle some McAdam booty, but these scenes go on for a little bit too long.

McAdams character is really boring, but this is done on purpose. This is the way her character is written, and we are supposed to be bored by her, so it's ok. This is done to place us inside Gil's shoes so we can sympathize with him and understand his point of view. He is just as bored by her as we are, which begs the question: why is this guy getting married to her in the first place? It is clear from the get go that these characters are mismatched and are not meant for each other, even though it takes Gil a while to finally realize this.

Michael Sheen plays the "pseudo-intellectual" Paul and acts as a source of divide between Inez and Gil. Inez adores Paul and we can tell by Gil's behavior when Paul is around that he feels uncomfortable around him. It is made clear (without a word of dialogue, even though this is brought up a mere scene later) that Inez had a past history with Paul and that is the source of Gil's discomfort. When Paul is around, Gil acts defensive, tends to hug on Inez more, and disputes what Gil clams to be fact. All this is ok though, because deep down Paul really knows nothing about nothing.

By far the best scenes come when Gil is transported into the past and gets to meet various historical artistic figures including Cole Porter (Yves Heck), Zelda and Scott Fitzgerald (Alison Pill and Tom Hiddleston), Ernest Hemingway (Corey Stoll), Gertrude Stein (Kathy Bates), Salvador Dali (Adrian Brody, who is enjoyable and wacky here), Pablo Picasso (Marcial Di Fonzo Bo), and T.S. Eliot (David Lowe) among various others. At times it feels like the film is crowbar-ing too many historical figures into it at once, and it does get a bit hard to believe. For all I know, these men and women may actually have lived in Paris at the time...but even if they did it still feels a bit forced to have them all make an appearance in the film. The cameos in these sections are so numerous that the film really doesn't have the luxury of being able to focus on one historical figure at a time, but once again...that's ok.

The few that stick out are Kathy Bates as Gertrude Stein(who does a fantastic job as usual), Alison Pil and Tom Hiddleston as the Fitzgeralds (Both of whom are completely believable in their roles here, Alison Pil has also been seen in Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World as Kim and Tom Hiddleston has most recently been seen as Loki in Thor and will reprise his role in The Avengers. I find it amusing that the man who played Loki also makes for a convincing F. Scott Fitzgerald), Adrian Brody as Salvador Dali (He is only in one scene here but manages to really sell his role here, easily one of the best of his career), and Corey Stoll as Ernest Hemingway (completely captivating here, probably the best one out of the bunch). While the characterizations aren't the most historically accurate, they are all super and definitely get the job done. These sections also act as wish fulfillment for any literary die-hard such as myself. Really, who wouldn't love to go back in time and meet all these influential figures, have them read over your work, critique it, and then proceed to have a conversation with them about anything and everything.

It is also during these sections that Gil meets a young Parisian named Adriana, who is an art groupie and has spent some time as both Picasso's and Hemingway's mistress. She is portrayed here by Marion Cotillard, who is easily at her most beautiful and best here. She (like every other period character in these parts) actually looks like she is from the roaring '20s. Gil quickly becomes smitten with her, and this leads to a conflict between him, Adriana, and Inez. After all, how do you tell your fiance you've fallen for a woman from a different era?

Adriana is a free spirit that changes lovers often and seems to be skilled at making love. I fell in love with her as Gil did, it's really hard not to. Her character arc ends up being a tad bit dissapointing, but it's done in this way to draw a parallel to Gil before he goes back in time to Gil after he's gone back in time. I'm not usually a big fan of Cotillard and I've never really been wowed by her beauty (until now that is, you won't believe how gorgeous she is in this film until you see it for yourself), but she easily dominates each scene she appears in and Wilson and her make for a cute and believable couple.

While Owen Wilson has main billing here, the real standout star of the film is Paris itself. The cinematography sampled here is the best I've seen all year. Every single solitary shot of Paris is beautifully shot. We see various Paris locations during the day, at night, and (perhaps most beautifully) during the rain. It is not hard to see why Gil has fallen in love with Paris and by the end of the film you will have fallen in love with this beautiful city as well. This film could easily act as a 90 minute long ad for the city.

While in the end Midnight In Paris is not without it's flaws, it's actually these flaws that make the film stronger. I must agree, Midnight In Paris was indeed the best film of the summer, and it very well could end up being the best of the year (it's my personal favorite of the year, and is guaranteed to be a sure Oscar contender). I believe everyone can find something to like about this film, but it's really made for the idealists such as myself, Gil, and Woody Allen himself. If you do take the trip to Paris, I promise you will not be disappointed.

5/5 BETTER THAN SEX

BEETLE'S 2ND ANNUAL FRIGHT FEST: THE THING (2011)

2011-10-15T10:41:00.000-07:00

I honestly don't know where to start with this review. I guess the beginning would make sense.

I have been a big fan of John Carpenter's The Thing for a long, long time, so when a prequel focusing on the Norwegian camp was announced I was fairly psyched. At least their not going the remake/re-imagining route with this, I thought. The original Thing was a true masterpiece, and while I never expected the prequel to be anywhere near as good as John Carpenter's version I never thought that it would have the balls to spit in its face. BAD MOVE

The Thing 2011 follows a group of Norwegian and American scientists at a Norwegian outpost in the Antarctic who have made the discover of a lifetime, little do they know that their discovery is about to turn on it's finders and slowly, painfully assimilate every last one of them. Ain't Science a bitch?

The cast here is a mixed bag. Mary Elizabeth Winstead looks bored as the main protagonist Kate Lloyd, an American who is summoned to the Norwegian Outpost (called Thule Outpost) to help dig up and examine the creature that the Norwegian crew have discovered. She does the whole take charge thing that Kurt Russel did in the original (except she is SO NOT a bad-ass), but doesn't quite pull it off like she should. I was expecting much more from this truly talented actress, so I was super disappointed with her performance here (maybe it's the scripts fault?).

Eric Christian Olsen plays Adam Finch, research assistant to Dr. Sander Halvorson. He isn't really given much to do here. That said, he is one of the few character's I really liked and felt I had a connection with. He's the good natured American who is kind of like a normal Joe you'd meet on the street. Warm, friendly, and kind...it's pretty hard not to like this character, and that's why one of his scenes is so agonizingly painful to watch (you'll know which one I'm referring to when/if you see the film).

Ulrich Thomsen plays the head scientist at Thule Outpost, Dr. Sander Halvorson. I couldn't believe how much of a raging asshole this character was. He is the typical ego infused scientist, but his portrayal of this role goes waaay over the top to the point where I really wanted to punch him. Adam Finch says it best with a line that goes something like this: "So now you're an asshole?" (that's as best as I can remember it).

Joel Edgarton is one of the best actors here, he's got some real emotion and a believability to him in this film, both things some other characters lack. He plays the American Pilot for Thule Outpost, Braxton Carter. He is another Kurt Russel-esque character, but like Kate he's really not a bad-ass. He doesn't really enjoy being at the Thule Outpost, and just wants to go home so he can enjoy his basketball games. Unfortunately for him, what occurs when he's at the research outpost may prevent him from ever returning home again. He's another super-likeable character and it's a damn shame what happens to him in the end. Joel Edgarton is really proving his acting chops this year, this guy has got the shine.

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje is another great actor here. He plays another American at the Thule Outpost, Jameson, the best friend to Braxton. While he isn't in the film much, he does make somewhat of a lasting impression.

The last actor/character I'm going to talk about is my personal favorite. Jorgen Langhelle is great as Lars, the only real bad-ass character in the film. He doesn't speak a lick of english, but is unwavering in his determination to destroy every single Thing he comes across. He also plays a big role in a sequence that plays out during the credits that ties the prequel directly to the John Carpenter film (I'm sure you Thing Fans can guess what I'm referring to, sadly this is the best part in the whole film). Right from the moment he says "Get Back, Demons!" (subtitled, of course) I was hooked on his character.

While The Thing prequel does succeed in coming up with believable explanations for what we see of the Norwegian outpost in John Carpenter's film, The Prequel doesn't understand The creature or the message in John Carpenter's version. In the prequel, The Thing has been dumbed down to a mindless alien that blindly attacks whoever is closest to it at the time. It doesn't plot or plan, it just slashes, kills, and assimiliates anything and anyone it can get it's claws on (perfect example: one of The Things in human form sets Kate up to suspect someone else as The Thing and even gets her to go to a room to get some keys which Kate will use to disable some snowmobiles. However, as Kate is searching for the keys the Thing attempts to assimilate Kate...WHY WOULD IT DO THAT??? KATE WAS ABOUT TO DO EXACTLY WHAT IT WANTED HER TO DO!!! SHE WAS ABOUT TO SPREAD SUSPICION AND STRAND EVERYBODY THERE!!!! WHY ATTACK HER, WHAT DOES THE THING GAIN FROM THIS???!!!! IT JUST THWARTED ITS OWN PLAN!!!!! ARGH!) This is the single biggest sin the film commits, it destroys everthing the Carpenter film set up. Gone is the smart, intelligent monster from another world and in its place is essentially a mindless monster that only cares about killing/assimiliating as many people as possible. This was not what the original Thing was like, and thus it detracts ALOT from this film.

As I said in the previous paragraph The Thing not only gets the monster wrong, it also fails to create any real sense of paranoia, tension, or suspense. Don't get me wrong, the film does try to create these things...it just doesn't know how to correctly do this. The result is the audience ends up feeling empty during these scenes. What is a Thing film without Tension, paranoia, and suspense? Nothing, that's what. Don't believe me? Go see the prequel.

Another thing that turned me off of this film was it's insistence on using CGI (most of which was just ok, to be honest). Now I'm kind of tired of seeing CGI being used so heavily in films, and The thing unfortunately continues this trend. For me, it runs the illusion of "this is real". As far as The Thing goes, when the CGI kicks in, all you'll see is CGI... not a cool Thing, but "oh, that's CGI...ok." Yeah, I was disappointed.

A troubling thing about this film is no matter how much it insists it's a prequel, it still manages to replicate events found in the first film. Man who gets injured Things out and attacks people, CHECK! Head scientist is assimilated and attempts to escape in a spacecraft, CHECK! Crew stand around a burning thing and talk about the problem at hand, CHECK! A test is concocted to see who is human and who is Thing, CHECK (in The prequel, they try to come u with a blood serum test but someone sabotages it so instead they come up with a filling test. Since The Thing cannot replicate inorganic material, they decide to check and see who has fillings in their teeth. Of course, this test has many variables and by no means truly points out who is Thing and who is not...it's pretty useless). The Thing may bill itself as a prequel but it's got the spirit and feel of a remake. Think of it as a hyrid of prequel and remake, a not too successful hybrid if one must be honest.

While the first half of The Thing is slow and plodding as it goes over stuff Thing fans already know, the second half is all action, kills, blood, gore and gross-out moments...but there is no meaning or message here. The thing prequel is all surface, no substance. What I'm saying is that it's an empty thrill, and while I did catch myself having fun at some moments I had to stop and remind myself that I was watching the bastardization of a classic horror film. The Thing prequel is all mindless kills, gore and gross outs purely for the sake of mindless kills, gore and gross outs, there's no reason or meaning in the film. In the end, The Thing is in reality a cool piece of fan fiction done by people that never fully grasped what John Carpenter's The Thing was and what made it such a huge success. It will piss off die hard Thing fans (such as myself) and will tarnish the legacy and meaning of Carpenter's version to newcomers, thus I can't really recommend it to anyone, it really should not have been made. What does it say about your film when the best part happens during the credits, and the best character disappears for most of the second act (I'm talking about Lars).

The Thing prequel really is just a lame assimilation of Carpenter's classic horror flick and thus there is only one thing left to do...Torch the fucker and walk away. Good thing I brought my flamethrower.

As a Thing Fan I'd give it 0.5 / 5 STARS FUCK YOU (got everything about the classic film wrong)

As a normal moviegoer I'd give it 1.5 / 5 Stars (mainly a dull film, but did have some mindless action scenes and kill scenes near the end...admittedly some were kind of cool)

IN PREPARATION FOR THE THING (2011)

2011-10-13T17:57:00.000-07:00

Hello beetle-heads....this your Ghost Host with the most-most here...and I'm currently ripping my hair out.

If you have read my review of John Carpenter's The Thing, you will know that I am a HUGE fan of the original film. I remember after I saw it for the first time I had the thought pass through my mind: This is my favorite horror film of all time (it still is). So, of course I've been following the prequel quite closely ever since it had been announced. I had high hopes for this film. I had always been curious about what had actually occurred in the Norwegian camp and it had seemed like I was finally going to get my answer.

Well, The Thing (2011) officially opens in just a few short hours (2 hrs and 54 mins to be exact) and already my high hopes have been dashed against the rocks by my fellow reviewers. Currently, The Thing (2011) sits at a low 31 % on Rotten Tomatoes (LOWER THAN THE WOLFMAN REMAKE!!!!). I am crushed. Could it be that the film I have been so avidly looking forward to not only will be bad, but could possibly ruin the legacy of the original film for newcomers? OH SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!!!

So, here I sit, fists clutching handfuls of dark brown hair and eyes misty and wet. I'm still going to see The Thing (2011), and have decided that I want to treat it like a band-aid. Rip it off quickly so it doesn't hurt as much (let's hope it doesn't hurt at all...PLEASE FILM GODS...should I go in with a flamethrower in case The Thing is actually an assimilation of the first?) I will be back tomorrow with my review and my recommendation, but for now your usually genial ghost host is looking more pale than ever.

WISH ME LUCK (I'LL NEED IT)

BEETLE'S 2ND ANNUAL FRIGHT FEST: MOVIES I LOVE- THE THING

2011-10-11T18:12:00.000-07:00

Welcome to a special Fright Fest edition of Movies I Love. This edition WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

With the 2011 prequel to The Thing (which is confusingly enough also titled The Thing) due out this Friday I figured that now would be a good time to curl up under the covers and take a look back at my personal favorite horror film of all time: John Carpenter's The Thing.

The year was 1982. Before bluescreen and cheap looking CGI effects were the norm (both of which have been a thorn in my side for quite some time, give me old fashioned practical effects any day). It was this year that a new kind of horror would be unleashed onto this Earth and movie going audiences everywhere.

The Thing follows a group of twelve American scientists stationed at a research post in Antarctica as the harsh winter season starts. Soon enough, the cold won't be the biggest problem they have to face. Shortly after two crazed and frantic Norwegians from a nearby research outpost chase a sled dog into camp (shooting and throwing grenades at it all the way there, both are killed for safety reasons), a foreign invader is set loose upon the unsuspecting American camp creating tension, fear, and paranoia amongst the crew as it slowly becomes clear that one or more crew members may not be who they say they are.

The Thing takes its time building itself up, the big reveal of the film's main antagonist coming in at minute 28 of the 109 minute run time. These 28 minutes give us time to build connections with these characters, and also gives us some backstory for the film. When The Thing begins, tension has already grown considerably among the crew of outpost 31 (the name of the American camp), they have been stuck in Antarctica for a while so it is safe to assume that most of the crew are already suffering from cabin fever. They are tired and weak, making them the perfect victims for The Thing (This is the creature's universally agreed upon name, it is never referred as anything else in the film besides It and that Thing).

Among the crew members, most fans seem to latch upon R.J. MacReady as their favorite. Mac is the main helicopter pilot for the camp, and appears to suffer from alcoholism. We first meet him while he's playing a game of computer chess, when the computer outwits him Mac mutters that it is a "cheating bitch" and pours alcohol into it, frying the computer ( a nice parallel and foreshadowing to the end). When things get rough, he would appear to be the last person who would take control, but he is in reality the first. As crew members point fingers at each other and tempers flair, Mac remains the only one with a clear head and so ends up becoming the captain of sorts for the camp. As played by Kurt Russell, Mac is all too human and is not without his faults. Although an apparent alcoholic (in fact, most crew members can be seen drinking alcohol throughout the film) Mac is able to sober up enough so that he is able to take charge as only he can. The great thing about The Thing is that anyone could be infected, even the hero. Despite this possibility, most (myself included) still latch onto MacReady, and is it really hard to imagine why? Not only is Mac bad-ass, but he's also smart and is all too aware of The Thing's purpose in spreading paranoia among the group. With a flamethrower at his side, Mac easily emerges as one of the coolest characters that can be sampled in a Carpenter film.

The Thing deals heavily with themes of paranoia and trust. When anyone could be a traitor, even yourself....who do you trust? It is this basic idea that results in the camp's ultimate destruction. The beautiful thing about The Thing, is that it wants paranoia to spread, and does it's part in framing certain members of the camp. If everyone is pointing fingers and fighting with each other, it makes the group as a whole weaker and thus makes The Thing's job that much easier.

The Thing is a creature from a far away world that crash landed in Antarctica and promptly froze in the harsh climate. Norwegians discover it, and presuming it to be dead, dig it up and drag it into their camp thinking they have made the discovery of a lifetime (this leads me into another theme in the film, Greed and curiousity will ultimately be our downfall). Once in camp it thaws out and proceeds to wreak havoc on the area, eventually getting chased into the American camp. It's fatal weakness is fire (hence the large use of flamethrowers in the film). The Thing is an inherently selfish being, it will sacrifice one of it's own without a second thought if it means it's own survival. The Thing is also very smart, it creates a plan and carefully follows it through. Every action The Thing takes is calculated and thought out in advance. While most presume The Thing's goal is global domination (through assimilation), it's full intentions are never fully clear. It's just as possible that The Thing wants to escape Earth (personally I tend to think The Thing is more after domination, since most of it's actions seem to point towards this).

I love The Thing because it is one of the rare intellectual horror films that manages to mix in a good deal of gross out gore into it's proceedings. The Thing's transformations are stomach turning in all the right ways. It's completely revolting to see human limbs stretch and twist into other worldly shapes and contours, but it's so fascinating that it's hard to look away. Most will probably feel their stomach twist into pretzel shaped knots during these parts. All of the effects seen in The Thing are practical, remember, this was before CGI and bluescreen were super popular like they are today. To me, seeing practical effects being used in a film makes the proceedings more believable. It's like a breath of fresh air (Unfortunately, The thing prequel will be using lots of CGI...such a shame).

The Thing is also neat because the paranoia spreads out to the viewer as well. During the first viewing, most will find themselves pointing fingers along with the crew. During repeated viewings (and trust me, there WILL be repeated viewings. there's so much to digest and think about in this film that repeated viewings are just about guaranteed....myself, I must have seen the film at least 5 times thus far) they will find themselves thinking about when someone got infected or why one of the Things acts the way it does.

The power of The Thing comes from it's refusal to provide any answers to the numerous questions encountered in the film, including it's satisfyingly ambiguous and dark ending. Viewers are encouraged to come up with their own answers and explanations to what is witnessed in the film. Perhaps that's what I love most about this horror classic: it doesn't talk down to it's audience. It presumes that the viewer has some semblance of intelligence and leaves him/her to create answers for him/herself.

The Thing is one of the best horror films you can find today. It deftly mixes intelligence, sci-fi, horror, ample gore, and even has a surprising message in the end. It's my personal favorite horror film, and it's really not all that hard to see why. Chalk it up as another great film from master director John Carpenter.

5/5 STARS BETTER THAN SEX

Fun fact: The character names of Mac, Norris, and Windows are also names of popular computer software we use today. Macintosh, Norris Anti-Virus, and Windows.

BEETLE'S 2ND ANNUAL FRIGHT FEST: DEAD SILENCE

2011-10-06T19:51:00.000-07:00

Beware the stare of Mary Shaw

She had no children, only dolls

and if you see her in your dreams

make sure you never, ever scream

Dead Silence has quickly become one of my personal favorite horror films of all time.

Dead Silence is the story of Jamie Ashen who is happily married. One day after receiving a mysterious ventriloquist doll dropped off at his door, he steps out to grab some takeout and returns to find his wife brutally murdered. With a nosy detective hot on his trail, Jamie hi-tails it back to his hometown of Ravens Fair to bury his wife. Shortly there after he begins his own investigation into his wife's murder, and into an age old mystery that surrounds the town that may hold the explanation to everything.

Dead Silence is yet another film that's main appeal to me is it's outstandingly creepy, tense atmosphere. The town of Raven's Fall seems to be in an eternal state of night and is filled with fog. Ravens Fair is just about deserted when Jamie finally arrives there, shops are boarded up and there is barely anybody in the streets. This gives the whole area an almost sleepy ghost town sort of vibe that I really dug, not to mention there is also a creepy cemetery and an old abandoned theater that play pretty big roles in the film. Ravens Fair is a perfect setting for the film, serving to keep the audience on edge throughout the film.

As with any sleepy old town, Ravens Fair has its own mystery/ghost story surrounding it, that of Mary Shaw. The legend of Mary Shaw resembles that of your "classic" ghost story that you could probably hear around a campfire late at night. The story goes that Mary Shaw was an aging ventriloquist who was murdered after a young heckler at one of her shows mysteriously disappeared a few days later. Now, according to legend, she lives on in her dolls and if she should pay you a visit and you scream she'll rip your tongue out. This is where the horror aspect of the film comes in. I love that the main storyline centers around this old ghost story, this makes Dead Silence almost a throwback in a weird way.

Another great thing about Dead Silence is that at first glance it would appear to be about killer dolls. In a way this assumption would be correct, and in a way it wouldn't. The dolls don't have a mind of their own, each is controlled by the spirit of Mary Shaw so in reality Dead Silence is really an old fashioned ghost story of sorts. The dolls do quite a bit of killing, and for most of the film they serve as the scary antagonists. The audience is made well aware of the fact that Mary Shaw's spirit is probably behind the whole thing, but we don't see her until the end of the film.

Another neat, original aspect of the film is the killing scenes. Most of the scenes take place with absolutely zero background noise, creating a great deal of suspense and tension as we wait for the inevitable scare and kill. Once a person's tongue is ripped out, Mary Shaw steals away their voice and tends to use it to trick people. This adds a whole other scary dimension to the film, it's extremely unsettling to hear the person's voice and know that it's not them speaking. This alone will probably give me enough nightmare fodder for several years.

I guess it's time to talk about the actors for a bit. Ryan Kwanten plays Jamie Ashen, the protagonist of Dead Silence. He has a good deal of intelligence to him even though he does make a few dumb mistakes (like in one part where he attacks a cop for taunting him, and another where he follows a disembodied voice even though he already knows not to do this after the first scene in the film). Donnie Whalberg plays Detective Lipton and is completely unlikeable. The character is a complete dick that taunts Jamie about his loss and is just an all-around jerk. I couldn't wait for this character to die (and interestingly enough Jamie does more detective work in the film than Lipton does, what up with that). Judith Roberts plays the ghostly Mary Shaw and nails it, probably being the only truly memorable actor in the film. She doesn't say much, but she succeeds in creating plenty of tension and scares. She is perfect at embodying the ghostly central figure to this ghost story, and is sure to stick with most after the credits run.

Dead Silence is one of the few really good modern day horror films. It succeeds at creating a great atmosphere, great tension, a fantastic score (Mary Shaw's theme is definitely one of the more memorable modern score pieces I've heard), and some pretty good scares. I think it was an ingenious idea to have the central focus of Dead Silence be a "classic" ghost story, an original idea in an era full of rip offs. Probably my only complaint with Dead Silence is nothing really happens until the end of the film, luckily the atmosphere here is strong enough to keep most happily distracted until the final 20 mins or so. With a cool gimmick in the form of a bunch of killer dolls (although we have seen this one before, it still works here and surprisingly doesn't grow old after the first few kills), a great ghost story, superb creepy atmosphere, and a killer stomach turning twist Dead Silence has all you could want in a good horror film and it makes for highly recommended viewing during the Halloween season.

4/5 STARS

BEETLE'S 2ND ANNUAL FRIGHT FEST: TRANSYLMANIA

2011-10-05T22:57:00.000-07:00

This year I decided to start my Fright Fest out with a different kind of film. Imagine if someone had the idea to blend one of the straight to dvd american pie films with a vampire film? Well, the Frankenstein of a creation you would end up with is Transylmania.

Transylmania follows the comedic sex-ploits of a group of college students that decide to attend a semester or so at a Transylvanian college located inside a castle. When one of them inadvertently discovers an ancient music box containing the soul of a vampire, the whole group is placed in great danger.

That's pretty much it to the plot. The first half of the film is nothing but sex jokes and focuses on the students getting acclimated to their new school. This part is exceedingly dull and painfully unfunny (but what do you expect from the geniuses that brought us Dorm Daze 1 and 2). The sex jokes feel very forced and aren't funny in the slightest. During this portion I had to struggle with the urge to turn off this film, I'm glad I was able to resist because the 2nd half of the film is where Transylmania more or less begins to pick up.

The 2nd half of the film is where chaos begins to ensue, and the sex jokes begin to disappear. This is where everything starts to come together and where the build up to the climax begins. A female student opens the music box and is possessed with the spirit of the vampire, this wakes up the vampire's lover who commences a hunt to reunite with her, a vampire slayer mistakes one of the students for another vampire slayer and teams up with him to fight off the undead hordes, and another student bears a striking resemblence to the main vampire (I'm sure this won't come into play in any way....SARCASM). There are a few surprisingly funny bits in the 2nd half of the film, and it is here that Transylmania begins to actually resemble something FUN (I know, surprising, right?) The climax that everything is leading up to is incredibly zany to an insane degree, but I like that.

The acting seen in Transylmania is never anything noteworthy. The few college leads do a good enough job, fulfilling what is required of them (which is the bare minimum), and the script is seldomly clever enough to warrant attention. With that said though, I must say that I slowly found myself beginning to enjoy the film despite it's coffin sized flaws.

So if you enjoy the vampire genre or the straight to DVD American Pie sequels I suppose that there is a chance you could enjoy Transylmania. It's definitely NOT a film for everyone, it's filled with unfunny sex jokes and just about every character cliche in the book. Transylmania is really not a good film, but I enjoyed it for what it was: an attempt at mixing two very different genres, and while the result is less successful than either genre alone, Transylmania still manages to have fun with the proceedings. The only question is: Will most viewers find Transylmania fun too? I say give it a try, what's the worst that can happen?

1.5/5 STARS

MOVIES I LOVE: THE KING IS BACK IN THEATERS- LION KING 3D

2011-10-02T14:04:00.000-07:00

Lion King was released on June 15, 1994. I was just 3 years old, yet I clearly remember some of that theatrical experience. It's amazing what you find you remember. I always thought most of my 3 year old life would be lost forever, yet some memories are still as clear as ever.

I feel silly going over this films plot, because I think I can safely assume that most of us have seen this animated classic. Lion King is about young Simba, a king to be who witnesses his dad's death and flees for the hills due to the false belief that the death was his fault. In reality, it was his evil uncle Scar's doing and with Simba gone Scar is free to usurp the throne and bring forth some pretty dark days to Pride Rock, Simba's home. Only Simba can put an end to Scar's madness, but is he ready to face down his past?

Lion King is one of the films in what is regarded as Disney's New Golden Age: Some other films from this period include Beauty and The Beast, Aladdin, and The Little Mermaid. Lion King seems to be heavily influenced by some notable Shakespearean works, mainly Hamlet. The film appears to acknowledge this since Timon comments during one scene: "What's in a name?", a famous line from the Shakespearean classic Romeo and Juliet.

While I have seen this film numerous times, never before did I realize how nuanced the film can be at times. Like the scene where Simba accidentally steps in one of his dad's paw prints and realizes how much bigger it is than his. Without saying one word, this shot perfectly conveys to the audience that Simba still has much to learn if he is going to be as great as his dad. Another chilling scene is when Scar is urged to move the pride (a pack of lions) to a new area since they had greatly depleted their resources and food. In response, Scar says something that is eerily similar to one of Simba's previous lines : "I'm The King, I can do whatever I want". Does this imply that Simba could have ended up being a king as bad as Scar was? The lion king is full of little messages and nuances such as these, and the film's all the more brilliant for this.

This release of Lion King features one fairly big change to the film, as its title imply's The Lion King has indeed been given a 3D makeover. Now, I know this probably upsets most fans of the film, and for good reason, 3D is an art form that is often mishandled, and with a film like Lion King the results could have been disastrous. Luckily, I am happy to report that there is no need to grab your torch and pitchfork, The Lion King's 3D post-conversion is one of the best that I've seen.

From the first scene of Zazu's flying over the crowd of animals gathering around Pride Rock a small flame of hope ignites, maybe this won't be so bad after all. You'd be right. While most people think of things popping out of the screen when they think of 3D, what most forget is that 3D is also capable of producing a good deal of depth to a film. While Lion King does try to have a few things pop out of the screen (Mainly dust, debris, smoke, fog, character's faces, and in one scene Scar), there's not much there that the 3D team can work with, and instead of trying to force this aspect of the 3D technology they instead chose (very wisely if I must say s myself) to focus on adding depth to the film.

A good deal of depth has been added to each location found in the film. From Timon and Pumba's jungle paradise, to Pride Rock, to The Savannah, to The Elephant Graveyard, just to name a few. The extra dimension of depth brings the film to life in ways you could never imagine. A side effect of the added depth is that the beautiful backgrounds of the film just pop out at you, never before had I realized how fantastic these backdrops were, it's a truly jaw-dropping effect.

There are several scenes where the 3D really shines through; these include (but aren't limited to) I Just Can't Wait to Be King (The zany multi-colored glamour of this musical number made it a perfect fit for the 3D tech), Be Prepared (The bursting green and red steam with Scar sleeking through it, Scar towering over the goose stepping hyenas, and Scar's final ascent to the top of the mountain are fantastic), The scene where Mufasa appears in the sky (wow, just wow),The scene where Timon, Pumba, and Simba are staring up at the night sky (great, amazing depth here), Every scene in Timon and Pumba's jungle is breath-takingly beautiful, and the final fight between Simba and Scar (From their first tension filled confrontation to the final stand-off is superb, the fire below them and the red hues to the scene really make it a treat to watch). There is also some unexpected sense of movement in the film due to the 3D and the fast zoom in shots work surprisingly well with the new tech.

While my eyes were a bit red by the end of the film, I still say that it's definitely worth the money to see this beauty in 3D. You can tell that the 3D team put a good amount of planning, work, and effort into making the 3D the best it possibly could be. Even though the Lion King was not made with 3D in mind, the new tech fits surprisingly well into the film. Was it necessary to add in the 3D? NO. Does it work perfectly with the film nonetheless? YES!!!

For me, The Lion King 3D is the most emotionally satisfying 3D film I have seen in a while. It was a real treat to get to see Lion king in theaters for a 2nd time, and to relive those emotions I must have felt when I first viewed it so long ago. It's obvious that the 3D team went into their project with a great deal of care and respect for the original film, and that's why it works so well. So if you're looking for a good, fun, nostalgic time in theaters I highly suggest you run out and see Lion King in 3D (It's leaving theatres super soon, The 3D Blu-Ray hits shelves on Oct. 4. So if you still want to see it in theaters you'd better run out to see it sometime this week), just don't be surprised if you shed a few tears during the film (Don't worry,It means you're human).

5/5 BETTER THAN SEX

BEETLE SUMMONS THE CREATURES OF THE NIGHT FOR HIS ANNUAL FRIGHTFEST

2011-10-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

Last night a cold breeze blew in and I remembered.....It was the first of October.

Yes, the haunting season has officially begun. This is the time of year where fear rules over all and his monstrous minions do his evil bidding. From werewolves, to zombies, to demons, to vampires, to ghosts. The human race is in for a surprise this Halloween, for on the 31st of every year the collected forces of the night will be unleashed unto this unsuspecting Earth for one night only. Be afraid, be very afraid.

I, your humble ghost host with the most most, will be your guide on this frightful and horrific journey. I will be reviewing various scary movies during October and will lead you down the path of screams that leads to Halloween.

So, grab your popcorn and a crucifix, Beetle's 2nd annual FrightFest is about to begin.

BEETLE REVIEWS ONE OF THE WORST FILMS OF ALL TIME- THE ROOM

2011-09-30T14:35:00.000-07:00

Let me start out by saying that The Room is one film I feel every reviewer MUST review. It's not an easy task, believe you me...but it's SO worth it.

I'm sure that by now most of you have heard of The Room, an independent film written, produced, directed, and starring that most unforgettable of actors, the amazing Tommy Wiseau. Shortly after its release (I don't think it ever made it to theaters to be honest, but I'm not sure) The Room quickly grew well known as one of the worst films ever made. Of course, with me being the intrepid reviewer that I am I could not resist a film that is regarded as such, so I set out to strap myself to the seat and watch The Room .

The Room is about Johnny (played by Tommy Wiseau), a kind, naive banker whose sluttish wife to be, Lisa, is having an affair with his best friend, Mark, behind his back. That's pretty much it for the plot folks, not that that really matters much. People don't watch The Room for the plot, they watch it for the acting witnessed within (I'll get to that later).

While Johnny is the main character there are plenty of side characters that pop up, from the creepy kid pervert, to the mom who just found out she's got breast cancer (a throwaway detail that is never brought up again in the film, watch for her reaction to her discovery of this disease), to Johnny's clueless best friend. They honestly don't add anything to the plot, and are just there...because. It comes across like Tommy Wiseau got a bunch of his friends together to act in this film, even though none have any believable chemistry with each other (Even Johnny and Lisa lack chemistry, to get the point across that they are in love Wiseau throws in several explicit sex scenes between them that feel unneeded and only add excess to the film. In fact there are a total of 3 sex scenes within the first 26 minutes of the film, a world record.) We never really care about any of these characters. Lisa spends the majority of the film sleeping with Johnny and Johnny's best friend, and then complaining to her mother that she doesn't love Johnny and blah blah blah. The creepy kid pervert, named Denny, spends most of the film giving Lisa creepy looks and saying unintentionally inappropriate lines. The Mother is a nagging, complaining, bitchy shrew. While Wiseau does try pretty hard to make the character of Johnny likeable, it only half works, we can see he is a good man but we just can't commit ourselves to care about him (Wiseau's performance doesn't help matters either)

The script is one of the worst ones sampled (It's all exposition, we are told EVERYTHING), and the acting is atrocious. the assembled cast have ZERO acting ability (I did some research and it ends up they were indeed just actors, most seem to have only negative things to say about their time spent filming The Room) , the worst actor in the bunch being the almighty Wiseau himself. This is why people watch The Room, the script is so terrible and the acting so bad that it's impossible not to enjoy this bad film. Wiseau is the Jesus Christ of bad acting, every line he speaks is terribly acted out, his emphsis being put on the wrong words. Bask in his glow people, it's a rare treat to be able to see the ultimate low in acting ability, but believe me, it's here in The Room.

The whole film feels thrown together. There are scenes that lead to nowhere, there are subplots and details that are brought up and dropped almost immeadietly after they are introduced (The mother's breast cancer is one example, Denny's owing some dough to a drug dealer is another one). Character's lack arcs, constantly contradict themselves and lack motivation or reasoning for doing what they do in the film, none of them resemble a real human being in the slightest.Another perplexing part of the film is that every guy in the film seems to be obsessed with playing Football, I can't quite understand why Wiseau did this but it comes across as quite bizarre and unintentionally hilarious.

Wiseau is actually trying to convey some sort of message about his life in The Room. Apparently he's been screwed over by women, and the moral of The Room seems to be: Don't trust women becuase they are dirty whores. Not a good message, but it does hold some truth to it (some women are bad, but none are nowhere near as bad as Lisa.) Wiseau tries to convey this message throughout his film, and while he does stumble with it, we still understand what he's trying so hard to say. Wiseau also comes across as a bit egocentric in the film, thinking that everyone should love him and care about him even though we all know that's not how the real world is. In The Room we essentially get a peek into the inner workings of Wiseau's mind and his flawed understanding and perception of the world, it's almost fascinating.

The Room is every bit as bad as people are claiming it to be. It's a drama that is unintentionally hilarious. I was surprised to find myself thoroughly enjoying The Room despite how bad it was, laughing at just about every scene. It's really hard not to like The Room and while it is one of the worst films I have ever seen, I want to recommend it to everyone I know, the combination of "so bad it's funny" acting, pointless scenes, unrealistic characters, terrible dialogue (so bad it's memorable), and the standout performance of Wiseau makes The Room a fun, unforgettable experiment in the art of bad filmmaking.

1/5 Stars

The Room gets 1 star becuase it is a terrible film, but I still strongly urge everyone to view this baby at least once, trust me...you'll be glad you did.

And on a seperate note, Wiseau has been known to take down any review he finds of The Room. Let's see how long mine stays up here.

BEETLE DISCOVERS THE BEST SHOW ON TV: DEATH VALLEY

2011-09-20T16:08:00.000-07:00

Werewolves, and Zombies, and Vampires...OH MY!!!

It was by pure coincidence (and luck) that I happened to stumble across the best show on television right now. My friend Grumpy had been referred to the show by one of the people who worked at our local GameStop. Since I am his friend he gave me a ring and we sat down to give it a cautious glance (after all, TV ain't what it used to be kids!). Now, after watching four episodes I can safely say that I am hooked on this delightfully original (AND FUN!) throwback to B cinema style.

Death Valley takes place in San Fernando Valley, which has recently become host to a bevy of supernatural creatures. In response to this new threat a new task force dubbed the UTF (Undead Task Force) is created. The show plays like a Cops style documentary that follows both the UTF and the camera crew that follows them around catching all of the action on tape.

Included in the show are a cast of comical characters: there's Officer Joe Stubeck (Charlie Sanders), the "nice guy", Officer Billy Pierce (Bryce Johnson), the funny guy and easily my favorite character on the show, Officer Kirsten Landry (Caity Lotz), the ass-kicking female, Officer Carla Rinaldi, another female cop who is pretty well-rounded, Officer John "John-John" Johnson (Texas Battle), a cop who is always ready to kick some ass, and there's Capt. Frank Dashell (Bryan Callen), the goofy head of the UTF. Together they must put their differences aside if their going to keep their city safe.

It's a fairly straight-forward premise, but it offers hours of gory ass-kicking fun. Death Valley perfectly captures the B movie spirit with some great humor, awesome one liners, kick-ass action scenes, and enough gore to satisfy the blood thirsty. Its not very often we get such a great B style "horror/comedy" show on television, so this is a super rare treat for me. I highly recommend Death Valley to anyone who is looking for a genuine good monster-bashing time. It's the perfect show to watch during the Halloween season (which just so happens to be creeping up on us as we speak).

Death Valley airs on Mondays at 10:30 on MTV.

DRIVE IS AN EXERCISE IN SILENCE

2011-09-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

The best kind of film is one that stays with you long after the screen fades to black. It imprints itself on your brain and refuses to be forgotten. Drive is one of these films.

I refuse to review this movie, I refuse to talk about its simplistic yet complex plot. I refuse to review it because it's a film that is not made to be reviewed, it's not made to be assigned a number, it's made to experienced. I am still digesting it, trying to make sense of what it all means. How does it's title fit into the bigger picture?

Drive is a new kind of film, unlike anything I have ever seen before. It's got long moments of silence where tension builds and builds until the silence explodes into startlingly brutal sequences of violence and action. It's also got lots of beautiful shots of LA at night. It's a quiet, tense, super-artful, colorful, violent film. I've even created a name for the kind of film Drive is: I call it Neon. The whole feel and look of the film just screamed that word to me (the whole film plays like a slow neon dream).

Ryan Gosling is great as the leading character that is only referred to as The Kid or Driver (even though I kind of took to calling him Billy. Billy the Kid). He drives for a living. During the day he is a stunt car driver, during the night he is a getaway driver. He is a man of few words, and he's almost emotionless. He doesn't cry, or scream....but behind his stoic facade you can sense the rage and sadness bubbling up inside him at certain points throughout the film. When he does explode into brutal violence it's both terrifying and thrilling in all the right ways. We want to cheer him on even though his actions are almost monstrous at times.

Drive also has superb performances by Bryan Cranston as the Fagin-esque Shannon, The Kid's father figure of sorts that owns a car garage where The Kid is employed, Albert Brooks as Bernie, an all too charming reluctant villain, and Ron Pearlman as a foul mouthed gangster named Nino. I also have to mention Carey Mulligan as the quiet, troubled girl next door Irene. There are a few other cool surprise appearances by a few others but I won't mention them here.

Drive reminded me of The Godfather. Alot of scenes just screamed the style found in that film and some of the themes in drive are similar to themes found in Godfather. Take Arthouse film making, mix in some 80s feel, add in a touch of explosive violence, and top it off with some of the old style of film making as well and you've got Drive: One helluva different film. It was made to defy your expectations, so the best way to walk in is with no expectations at all.

I didn't love it, but I really really liked the fuck out of it.

BEETLE LOSES HIS COOL IN SHARK NIGHT 3D

2011-09-12T20:59:00.001-07:00

Why, oh why did I decide to see this terrible, stupid, worthless film??!!!! Was it out of a sense of fairness? Was it out of some stupid hope that it could end up being a good film? Was it because I was bored and had nothing else better to do (ya, it was probably this one)? Either way, through some bizarre twist of fate, my butt ended up in a seat for this film, and oh how I wish it hadn't.

Shark Night 3D is about some college friends that decide to vacation on a saltwater lake/marsh and slowly get chomped up by a bunch of Jaws wannabes. That's it for the plot. The film also explains how the sharks got in the water in the first place. Ends up some rednecks and the local sheriff dumped some sharks into the lake, attached some video cameras to them in an attempt to catch some neat kill footage (Their big fans of shark week...and how do the sharks survive in a lake??? As I said above, it's a saltwater lake).

Ok, let's get to the nitty gritty here, the sooner I finish this review the sooner I don't have to think about this film ever again. Right from the first trailer I could tell that Shark Night was going to be a Piranha 3D rip off. From the footage I was expecting Shark night to nab an R rating, not so lucky because Shark night swam away with the all too unfortunate PG-13 rating. The result is that the film is pretty lacking of all the things a good B horror film needs: Tits ( there are a few scenes where characters strip down to bathing suits/bikinis to show off their goods, but even these feel forced. We do get a bare guy ass, but that pissed me off. So it's ok to show a bare guy ass, but a bare girl ass is stepping over the line?? Fuck you film), ass, gore, and creative kills. We barely get to see any kills, usually only getting a shot of a teen falling into the water....sometimes we get sharks flying out of the water, but those times are few and far between. There is basically ZERO gore as well. Mix all that into the most flippin cliched characters you will ever see in your life, a horrendously bad script, and awful awful 3D (I pretty much chose to keep my glasses off because I could easily make out what was going on on screen, laziest cash grab of the technology I've seen so far).

Shark Night is the only film I have ever continually checked my watch in, and the only film I have ever walked out of (and I NEVER walk out of films). From viewing the film, it became obvious to me that the creators of Shark Night had no respect for the audience, the actors, or the 3D technology. They wanted to cash in on all the teens that couldn't go and see Piranha 3D, so they haphazardly threw Shark Night together and marketed it as if it was the next Piranha 3D, knowing full well droves of clueless teens would flock to it.

Shark Night is a truly terrible,piece of shit film. It raped my eyeballs and stole a good hr and 25 mins of my life that I will NEVER get back. If I had my way everyone involved with this film would burned at the stake and then paraded around town to be made an example of. The things I do for you guys, I took a bullet for every single person that reads this review, so that you don't have to see it. Now I can warn EVERYONE to not just see this film...but boycott it. Tell your friends, tell your family...warn everyone NOT to see this film.

Quite simply: SHARK NIGHT BITES!

.5/5- FUCK YOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!

WARRIOR IS GREAT

2011-09-10T14:56:00.000-07:00

I don't know how else to start out this review besides these words: Warrior is a fantastic film, and even that doesn't do the film justice.

Warrior is the story of Brendan and Tommy Conlon, two brothers that used to dabble in MMA but have since moved on. Tommy has just returned from war, and Brendan now has a family of his own and is married to the stunningly hot Tess. However, when past demons and financial issues begin to take a toll on the brothers, both decide to step back in the ring to fight for what they believe in.

One of the reasons Warrior is such a great film is due to its strong cast. Tom Hardy (AKA Bane in the upcoming Dark Knight Rises) plays tortured soul Tommy. When he was just a teen he had his life ripped out from under him and is still dealing with those events today. I had my doubts about Hardy as Bane, but after viewing Warrior I have full faith in him. In Warrior, Hardy is a beast. A terrifying, unstoppable agent of destruction. For Warrior he put on an extra 25 Ibs. of muscle (and it shows). I don't want to say much else, but after this film I wouldn't want to be the guy who'd piss off Hardy. Here he plays kind of a dick, but one who becomes much more likeable and whose motivations become clearer by the end of the film.

Joel Edgerton is Brendan, the family man. He works as a teacher at a high school and occasionally moonlights as a fighter outside a titty bar. When financial troubles rear their ugly heads and his home is threatened with foreclosure ( an all too real, scary thought in today's times) he is forced to step back into the ring to fight for his home and family. It's almost as if he is sacrificing himself for the ones he loves (a noble effort and cause indeed). His fight scenes are some of the tensest ones seen in the film, he looks like a normal joe and is nowhere near as built up as the animals he must spar with and so there is always the very real threat that Brennan could wind up in a stretcher by the end of the film ( and indeed, he does get handed quite the beating often throughout the film).

Jennifer Morrison is Tess, Brendan's faithful caring wife. She does a superb job here as the "scared for her husband's life' love of his life. Great acting besides, she also has a perfect ass that is showcased throughout the film (no nude ass shots, but the clothes she wears accentuate that part of her body beautifully). Tess and her daughters provide a more than believable reason for Brendan to stand up and fight, and they are indeed worth fighting for (I know if I had a family like that I'd tear the walls off of a building to protect them). While she jumps back and forth between supporting player and lead character, she still makes a lasting impression and is yet another memorable character in the film.

Nick Nolte is Paddy, the father of Brendan and Tommy. He has a dark past and did some truly terrible things to his family that his sons are still feeling the repercussions of today. He has repented and sobered up though, and now all he wants is to reunite with both of his sons, but they want nothing to do with him. This is quite possibly one of the best roles Nolte has played in a while. You can feel his remorse and pain throughout the film, he is truly sorry for what he has done and would likely step back in time and change his actions if he could. When Tommy reluctantly asks Paddy to train him again, Paddy accepts thinking it would give them both time to reconnect. Of course Tommy isn't interested in that and takes every opportunity he has to remind his dad how much of a piece of shit he thinks he is. Paddy tries throughout the film to reach out to both his sons to no avail, and when he finally breaks down, the ensuing scene is sure to leave most welling up. If Nolte doesn't get a best supporting actor nod in the Oscars it's a crying shame.

Another moving aspect of the film is the relationship between Brendan and Tommy. While this aspect isn't touched on until close to the grand finale, when the film does explore it, it creates some more believable character depth that is quite surprising. Brendan and Tommy have also made a few mistakes in their pasts that have alienated each other. When the two finally do meet face to face on a beach, we expect the scene to go one way but instead it takes a completely unexpected route that will leave most stunned and effectively lays the groundwork for the final epic fight between the two at the very end of the film.

Talking about the fights, how could I not mention what draws each member of the audience to the film in the first place. Each fight is fast, swift, and deadly. Punches are thrown, people are thrown against the cage, bodies are slammed to the floor, and even though we don't get much blood we can imagine it quite clearly. Most of the fights happen near the end half of the film which takes place at an MMA/UFC tournament that both Brendan and Tommy have entered and the reward to the ultimate champion is alot of cash (there are also 2 short fights near the beginning of the film that are sure to leave most breathless). The highlights of the tournament are a match that spars Brendan with a muscular Russian killing machine (similar to Drago in Rocky 4) and the final climactic fight between the two brothers. Most will find themselves panicking during the final fight. We have gone through the film following the two characters quite closely, and the end result leaves us split between who we should root for. I know I certainly didn't want to see either of them take a beating, and when inevitably things get a bit out of control it left me with my pants pinned to the edge of my seat. This is one fight where nothing is certain, and quite a few surprises are thrown in for good measure. The end result is heart-breaking and is sure to leave most with tears streaming down their face.

In the end, Warrior takes a page out of all the classic fight films and follows some of the tropes faithfully, but the thing that sets this one apart from the others is its brutal MMA style, and it's strong heart and character development. In the end, we end up caring for everyone involved. Warrior is so much more than a fighter film, it's a film that also tackles a family's sordid issues and troubled past, and has their conflicts resolved in the ring. It's one of the ultimate guy films, but I'd recommend it strongly to anyone and everyone. I'm not ashamed ( but am a bit surprised) to say that it's the best film I've seen in theaters this year SO FAR (we still do have the fall season after all, and anything can happen when movies are involved). So if you want an early peek at Bane, if you love films that deal with serious family issues, and if you love watching some guys beat the shit out of each other until one can't stand anymore, then Warrior is definitely the film for you....maybe it's the film for all of us.

5/5 Stars BEETER THAN SEX

MOVIES I LOVE: BACK TO THE FUTURE

2011-09-08T10:54:00.000-07:00

" Yeah, well history is going to change."

Movies I Love is a brand new segment to the site. In this segment I will take time to discuss several of my favorite films. Today, I start out the first ever Movies I love by taking a fond look back at Back To The Future.

I can't remember how young I was when I first saw Back To The Future, but I'm positive I was very young (definitely in the single digits) and that due to my age the film had a large impact on me. I remember that the beginning scene when Marty skateboards into town by hitching rides on the back of cars had an interesting effect on me. I don't know why but I thought that that was the coolest thing I had seen, and so I took to riding on the front of shopping carts as my mom strolled around picking up groceries. She would worry that I would make the cart top heavy and it would flip over onto me. Coincidentally, Back To The Future was also the first film to introduce me to the art of swearing.

Enough about me for the moment (we'll touch back on the films impact on me later), let's take a closer look at the film.

For those of you who have never seen Back to the Future (an idea I find hard to comprehend), it is the story of Marty McFly, your typical 80's teen. He's got a smoking hot girlfriend, square parents, and is struggling to make a name for himself. He struggles to relate to his dad and so has found a surrogate father of sorts and mentor in the form of eccentric scientist Doctor Emmet Brown. One day, Marty is asked to help the Doc document his latest scientific invention: a time traveling Delorean. When things inexplicably take a turn for the worse, Marty finds himself sent hurtling back to the year 1955 where he inadvertantly alters the space time continuim and thus his existance. Now with the help of The Doc from 1955, he must find a way back to his own time, fend off the advances of his mom, play matchmaker to his parents and continually ward off the school bully Biff if he is to preserve his existance and get back home. That's pretty much the story of Back To The Future. While on paper it may sound complex, the way it is presented in the film makes it alot easier to understand and gives us several opportunities to have fun with the material presented.

The elements that made Back To The Future the classic it is today are the characters, their relationships with each other, the underlying "classic" themes, and the time traveling Delorean that acts as a macguffin and a catalyst for Marty's Journey. Let's start by looking at the characters and their relationships to each other.

Marty McFly has the world at his feet. He's got an incredibly hot girlfriend (main reason she is in the film is to give Marty a reason to want to go back to 1985), a band, and a sweet skateboard and the skills to go with it. The only things holding him back are his parents and his fear of rejection. He is lucky to have a girlfriend as great as Jennifer, who is willing to risk tardiness to help him out and is almost like his partner in crime. Since his dad is so pathetically weak he has taken up hanging out with the local oddball scientist, Doctor Emmet Brown, in an effort to connect with any older male figure. In fact, it is the Doc's and Marty's friendship that the film is really grounded on. If it wasn't as well-written as it is their friendship could have come across as creepy and wrong, but here we inherently understand why the friendship works. Marty needs a dad he doesn't really have, and Marty is the sole person who believes in Doc and that makes the Doc feel good and important. They need each other for different reasons, and if they didn't have that bond not only would the film suffer, so would their characters.

Doctor Emmet Brown is a failed scientist. He is known as the local oddball and weirdo, almost like the town drunk. In 1955 Marty shows up on his doorstep asking for help and when The Doc (out of pure curiousity) obliges he is introduced to the one invention he made that works, and he hasn't even invented it yet. This, along with Marty's strong belief in The Doc, helps The Doc continue to move forward and gives him the faith in himself that he was lacking before. Getting to befriend Marty in 1955 also strengthens the bond these two share.

Lorraine is Marty's mother and is one of the hot girls in school. Getting to see the diffrerence between Marty's mom in 1985 and his mom in 1955 is shocking, In 1955 she is a real bombshell. When Marty jumps in front of a car that was meant to hit his dad, the course of history is changed and Marty's existance is threatened. Now, instead of harping on his father Lorraine harps on Marty, going against the very things she claimed she would never do to a guy when she was younger (in a speech she gave Marty in 1985) which includes stalking, calling, and parking with a boy. It is always entertaining to watch the exasperated, confused, and quite scared Marty try to fend off his own mother's advances. We can tell that she does have an interest in Marty's Father, George, but due to Marty's repeated heroic attempts against School bully Biff all Lorraine can see is Marty. It's Marty himself who keeps getting in the way of and thwarting his parents relationship, ironically enough.

George is the wimpy school nerd that is constantly harrassed and picked upon, and there are several striking similarities between him and his son Marty that are touched upon in the film. Both have a strong fear of rejection ( a trait both must overcome during the course of the film, George also has to overcome his wimpy ways and learn to stand up for himself), and both share some intersting mannerisms as well. It is Marty's attempt to save his dad from an oncoming car that winds up altering the course of future events. If the car had hit George as it was suppossed to, George would have wound up in Lorraine's bed and they would have fallen in love, instead it is Marty who winds up in Lorraine's bed, and so she falls for him instead. Throughout the course of the film, Marty tries to encourage George to talk to Lorraine and whenever things seem to be going the right way Biff steps in.

Biff is another one of the memorable characters in Back to The future. He is the dim-witted School Bully that suffers from a low IQ and a tendency to forget the correct punchline to a joke. While he is dim-witted he still poses quite a threat due to his violent tendancies, including trying to run over Marty with his car and trying to rape Lorraine while in a drunken rage. He plays host to quite a few memorable lines, and despite his status as main antagonist is still loveavble due to his stupidities.

We can't forget about the classic soundtrack and iconic score by Alan Silvestri, from the main theme to Earth Angel to Power of Love to Johnny B. Goode to Back In Time (each of these till succeeding in stirring up strong emotions and memories in me today), each song and piece of music is instantly unforgettable and once heard will undoubtedly implant itself in your memory, I know it did in mine. Let's face it, Back To The Future would just not be the same without the music and score found within, which help to elevate the film to a higher level here.

For a popular family film, Back to The future plays host to quite a few subtle sexual themes. It is clear from the get go that Lorraine is eager to jump on Marty, that Biff is eager to jump on Lorraine, and that Marty is eager to jump back in his Delorean and get the hell away from his disturbing situation with his mom (it gives a whole new meaning to term 'Freudian'). The subtle sexual themes aren't glossed over, but never really take the spotlight except for a few scenes here and there (Marty's introduction to young Lorraine comes to mind), and they are mainly played for laughs but still add an interesting believable tension to the film, after all, isn't it every kid's worst nightmare to be crushed on by their mom...yuck.

One of the most interesting things about Back To the Future is the macguffin/plot device/catalyst known as the time traveling Delorean. From it's first glorious reveal in the film to it's final flying shot it is an instantly unforgettable element from the film. It looks sleek, smooth, but also dangerous and bizzare in a weird sort of way...not to mention it isn't fully reliable as it continually breaks down at the most crucial moments in the film. The Delorean is almost a character in it's own right (eventually becoming a full fledged character in BTTF Part 2, where it gets a bad-ass upgrade that made me love it even more). It is believable that Doc made the conversions to the Delorean in his workshop and it even kind of resembles the Doc's style in several ways. Of course, I will go even more into detail on The Delorean in another segment of Movies I love which will focus on Back To The Future Part 2.

While at first glance Back To The Future appears to be a Time travel adventure, in reality it is a genre bender. It's a coming of age story of sorts mixed with a time travel film and a rom com. The reason I say that The Delorean is a macguffin is becuase it sets the story at hand into motion. Back To The Future is really about a young kid getting the chance to go back and learn more about who his parents are and thus learn more about who he is as well. It's basically a case of "You can't know where you're going without knowing where you've been". It's beautiful in its simplicity, and it's a theme that gets more meaningful the older we get. Back To The Future is truly a film for all ages, and that is why it has stood the test of time so beautifully. Every person who has seen Back to the Future wants to take a joy ride in that Delorean, they want to take time to chill with The Doc and Marty, They want to go on their own adventures through time and know that everything will end up ok in the end. Back To The Future still resonates deeply inside me, it helped spark that sense of adventure and curiousity that still lives on inside me today. It was a big part of my childhood and is still a big part of who I am today, the simple truth is I wouldn't be the same without it (I guess you could say this about every film I grew up with, don't all films help shape those who grew up with them?) and that's why I Love Back To The Future.

Of course, like most films that will be featured in this segement, Back To The Future get a 5/5 BETTER THAN SEX

IS IT 2015 YET?

2011-09-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

Hey There Beetle-heads!!!!!

I don't know about you guys, but I am a HUGE (like scary huge) fan of the Back To The Future Franchise. While Back To The Future is (of course) the best film in the franchise, my personal favorite one has GOT to be Back To The Future Part 2. WHY???? Well, mainly because the Delorean is in it a lot more, and we get to see it fly for most of the film. Now, that's not the only reason to give part 2 another looksy, becuase not only does it offer us a mind-numbing series of paradoxes and some more great lines and thrilling scenes, it also offers us a glimpse into a future everyone thought would never be (2015 IS fast approaching after all)). For those who feared the 2015 seen in BTTF 2 would never be fully realized, FEAR NO MORE!!!!!

I present: Exhibit A- Powerlaces (ALL RIGHT!!!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28Wa5L-fkkM

Nike is unveiling actual Nike Air MAGS (that's the actual name of the shoes Marty wears in 2015) later TONIGHT!!!! They should be available worldwide soon!!!! I imagine they would cost quite a bit, but for me at least they will be worth the price tag.

You see, this is something right out of Back To The Future. If Part 2 had never been made the technology for this shoe to actually exist would never have been dreamt up, But because Part 2 was created and The Air MAGS were featured in it, it inspired Nike to actually create said shoes and thus create part of the future we would come to know. So a brand inspires a fictional product in a film that inspires said brand to create an actual product based off the fictional product and thus fiction becomes reality. As the old Doc would say: GREAT SCOTT!!!

You think I'm making all this up??? I present: Exhibit B

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ6SkdkXjAQ&feature=player_embedded

YES, THOSE ARE THE ACTUAL AIR MAGS US BTTF FANS HAVE BEEN DREAMING OF FOR YEARS!!!! They look pretty bad-ass, dontcha think?

And if you want full details here's a link to an article about the Air MAGS

http://www.slashfilm.com/producer-frank-marshall-teases-big-back-future-announcement/

So, with the Air MAGS actually being made FOR REAL, maybe there is hope after all for these other neat inventions seen in the 2015 segment of BTTF 2 to make it into the real world.

Flying Deloreans- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flge_rw6RG0&feature=related

HOVERBOARDS (only downside, they don't work on water)- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsMr0Rqk6tU

I guess that about sums it up, so I leave you all with one of the coolest intros in film history

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLRk4xG-JCI

I'LL SEE YOU IN THE FUTURE (WHERE WE DON'T NEED ROADS)

UNFORTUNATE UPDATE:

I'm wearing my sad face. Apparently The Air Mags DO NOT feature "Power Laces". They are rechargable, and they do light up and look pretty bad-ass but GODDAMNIT NIKE, WHY EVEN PRETEND THEIR AIR MAGS IF THEY DONT FUCKING SELF TIE!!! WE KNOW YOU HAVE THE FUCKING TECHNOLOGY TO DO THAT YOU CHEAP BASTARDS!!!!!!

What's worse, their only selling off 1500 Air Mags....off of FUCKING EBAY!!!!! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSSED TO DO THAT NIKE???? KEEP SHELLING OUT MONEY UNTIL I'M THE HIGHEST FUCKING BIDDER??!!!! GODDAMNIT!!!!

The money Nike raises off the FAKE Air Mags will go to a parkinsons fund (so that's good news I guess). So, let's recap...shall we?? The new Air Mags are actually NOT Air Mags after all, there are only 1500 shoes up for sale on Ebay (and Ebay ONLY) and once those go no more will be made or offered so start throwing your money at your computer if you really want a pair.

All in all I'd say this is some pretty disappointing shit. Nike had the chance to put themselves above and beyond all other shoes companies and introduce an exciting new technology into the shoe making world that they and they alone would possess. Imagine the millions they could make off of that, they would DOMINATE the shoe world. Instead, they pussied out and made a finite amount of shoes that aren't what they are suppossed to be, and the money raised will go to a parkinsosns fund (probably the only good news to come out of the announcement). Oh, and ( as I predicted) they cost a shitload of money (at least 3,500 simoleons).

So there ya go, if you'll excuse me I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.

Articles about new Air Mags

http://www.nicekicks.com/2011/09/nike-air-mag-officially-unveiled/

http://www.slashfilm.com/producer-frank-marshall-teases-big-back-future-announcement/

WHY CAN'T I HAVE NICE THINGS???

ONE MORE UPDATE

I was able to dig up a patent for some Nike Air Mags, and suspiciously enough the patent includes POWER-LACES. Check it out!!

http://hypebeast.com/2010/08/nike-air-mag-marty-mcfly-patent-news/

Since it has already been confirmed that the 2011 Nike Air Mags will NOT feature power-laces, is this patent then for a 2015 version or is it just fake garbage used to hype up all the fan boys? Personally, I hope it's the next step for the Air Mags, and I hope that (if real) they release these babies in 2015. Of course, I can't help but be a little cynical, but one can still hope right....RIGHT??

RED STATE FEARS GOD, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT FEARS GOD.

2011-09-07T12:42:00.000-07:00

Red State is one of the most terrifying films I have seen since the Exorcist. This comes as quite a surprise since it comes from the mind of Kevin Smith, a man who is new to the art of the scare and is better known for his comedic styling (he made the clerks films, among others).

Red State begins as a teen sex comedy, then it morphs into a terrifying look at religion before it finally becomes a fast-paced (and yet still terrifying) action thriller. It is a rare breed, and it deals with the subject of religion without ever really taking sides (it doesn't question the existance of a God, it just follows a group of demented religious extremists. The film never says that a belief in God is wrong, or that religion is evil. It just touches on a simple fact: sometimes people take things too far).

Red State begins under the macguffin of 3 teens heading out for a quickie with a lady they met online, but before anything can happen the rug is pulled out fom under them and they find themselves at the mercy of a radical group of religious extremeists that consider the 3 part of a plague that MUST be wiped out. Before long though, Feds interrupt their fun and the rest of the film from here on out takes place during a heated firefight between the feds (led by the always amazing John Goodman) and the religious extremists ( led by Michael Parks).

Michael Parks plays the character of Abin, the god fearing and hate filled preacher that preaches fire and damnation. He advocates for violence against the teens they have captured saying that the old testament is against the killing of men, not the killing of insects (the message being that these kids are filth and so it's perfectly ok to torture and murder them). He does an outstanding job of making us fear and hate him, and pretty much every second he is on the screen you are rooting for him to bite the bullet. He is a great antagonist for the film, showing no remorse for the crimes he himself is commitiing and the crimes he encourages others to commit.

Nicholas Braun, Ronnie Connell, and Kyle Gallner (You may have seen him in Jennifer's Body and Nightmare on Elm Street 2010) play the three kids that are dragged to the hell church. They are believable in their all encompassing fear and are extremely easy to root for. That said, they are not given a whole lot to do here except to pee their pants, run, scream, and cry. Although the film pretends that they are the main characters, in reality they are not. After a while they are reduced to more-or-less background characters (this isn't a bad thing, coming across as a surprisingly fresh move)

John Goodman is Joseph Keenan, the federal agent put in charge of the operation at hand (which is to investigate the church and find any illegal firearms the extremists may be hiding). He works for the ATF (Buraeu of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and explosives). What is suppossed to be a simple in and out quickly escalates out of hand as the extremists take up arms against the feds. John Goodman is superb as always as the moral compass for the film. He is pretty much the star of the film and the character that the film is grounded on. His character has to make several difficult decisions throughout the film that come with all too real consquences, and it is great fun to watch him hesitate with the tasks excpected of him. He may be aging (his age shows quite a bit in this film) but John Goodman is still one of the best actors out there today.

Red State is a new breed in the horror/thriller genre, using the topics of religion vs. government and religion vs. society as its means to scare the audience (and scare it does). It makes unexpected turns and goes places the audience wouldn't see coming, it's filled with many great (and disturbing) surprises. Built on a decent script and standing on several great performances from its leads (Melissa Leo is also terrifying as the woman that tricks the 3 teens and Kerry Bishe emerges as a rising star with her portrayal of Cheyenne; one of the extremists who recognizes that her and the others have done wrong but insists that they should be put on trial instead of being slaughtered as the feds want), Red State easily emerges as the scariest, most thought provoking film of 2011 thus far.

4/5 Stars

BEETLE GRABS HIS BASEBALL BAT AND PREPARES TO ATTACK THE BLOCK

2011-09-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

For all of 2011 I've waited to see a film that would really get my blood pumping, that would thrill me, chill me, and surprise me. Well, good news folks: Attack The Block is that film.

Attack The Block follows a group of hoodlums: Pest, Moses, Jerome, Dennis, and Beats. One night after mugging an innocent woman the group's leader, Moses, is attacked by a being from out of this world. Enraged, Moses rallies his group and together they hunt it down and bash its face in. Triumphant, they gloat to each other, unaware that bigger baddies are hurtling towards Earth and that soon it will be up to them to protect their small apartment complex (referred to as The Block, hence the name of the film).

While at first the film seems to be a fun, adrenaline filled joy ride, after a while the film does a 180 and becomes quite serious and dark as the teens numbers diminish and they find themselves in a fight for their lives. The film is stock full of surprises that I am not at liberty to reveal (the real reson for the alien's attack, etc.), but I will say that, although the sci-fi elements are at the forefront of the film, that's not really what the film is all about. Attack The Block is actually more of a redemptive journey for these hoodlums as they realize the troubles the have caused and go about trying to right their wrongs by protecting the girl they mugged earlier and by protecting their apartment complex from the alien hoardes.

While the film appears to be all good times and fun, when you look at it on a deeper level it really is quite mature with the way it handles its characters, its plot, and the subject material. Moses for one has a moving speech about violence and killing, it adds a depth to his character that I was not expecting to be there (pleasant surprise). In fact, most of the hoodlums (and the mugging victim, whose name is Sam, by the way) have some depth added to their characters. Although they may be scum, this added depth and attention to character development makes each of the hoodlums likeable and thus easy to root for. It is apparent that they are just innocents doing what they have been brought up to believe is "cool". It's almost kind of tragic.

Another neat aspect of the film is the language the characters use. The hoodlums speak in slang. It does take a few minutes to learn the lingo, but by the end of the film you will be speaking the slang along with them. The alien design is also pretty terrifying, the proceeding aliens getting bigger, nastier, and meaner as the film progresses.

Attack The Block is an alien invasion film that has copious amounts of violence, profanity, blood, gore, and drug use but it also has a good message and lots of heart to boot. It is by far one of the happiest surprises of the year so far. Not only is it an outstandingly well-made (and acted, every actor/actress in the film acts their heart out here with Moses stealing the show. My personal favorite character was Pest, by the way.) film, but Attack The Block is also one of the best films of 2011. Believe it, Bruv!

5/5 BETTER THAN SEX

HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS 21 FULL SITE REVEALED

2011-08-30T21:32:00.000-07:00

We've got our official icon in the form of a slightly aged (but still pretty) Lady Luck and the full site has JUST gone live. The link to the full site is below, feel free to browse around and check it out, since (in my personal opinion) it's the best site we've had in YEARS!

http://www.halloweenhorrornights.com/orlando/index.html#homepage

I LOVE how it's laid out and how the theming in the site is consistant throughout. For those who are too lazy to click on the link I've generously provided The houses and Zones list with the description for each found on the main site and my personal reaction to each.

HOUSES

My my does this sound AWESOME and AMAZING! I wonder how these "Nightingales" will look?? Will they be pretty, terrifying, maybe even both??? CAN'T WAIT!!!

H.R BLOODENGUTZ PRESENTS HOLIDAYS OF HORROR- Join creature feature host H.R. Bloodengutz in his final televised broadcast as he presents a scare-athon of holiday-based horror that is guaranteed to cleave you screaming for more.

Love how their incorporating a (made-up)classic cheesy late night tv horror host into HHN. However, not sure how I feel about the whole holiday angle. Anyways, BRING ON THE CHEESE!!! INTERESTED

This house marks the first time that HHN has turned a (pretty successful and popular) scarezone into a house. I am interested to see how they will handle this, it will take a lot more than spinning blades, etc to scare me. Hope they give this one some backstory. That said, I do love me some steampunk!! APPREHENSIVE, BUT INTRIGUED NONTHELESS

THE THING- Paranoia spreads like an epidemic among a group of researchers in an isolated Antarctic outpost as they are infected, one by one, by a horrifying creature from another planet. In a place where there is nothing, they found something.

Huge fan of the original Thing, this house is based on the upcoming prequel film. 2009's The Wolfman house was a huge success that perfectly captured the atmosphere of the remake, I can only hope HHN does not drop the ball on this one. APPREHENSIVE, BUT INTRIGUED NONTHELESS.

WINTER'S NIGHT: THE HAUNTING OF HAWTHORN CEMETARY- As snow falls on this normally serene gothic cemetery, the deceased souls that occupy its confines have their sights set upon you. Insuring that the chill you feel up your spine is more than just the cold of night.

Hoping that this one has some constant snow effects as implied by the above description. Love the idea of a haunted cemetery, if done right the atmopshere could be truly top-notch here. PRETTY EXCITED

LOVE Edgar Allen Poe. Wonder what works would be included in the house, I would hope the Masque of the Red Death and The Casque of Amontillado would make an appearance. PRETTY EXCITED

THE FORSAKEN- Four ships began Columbus' fateful voyage, only three became legend. Condemned to a watery grave, the mutinous and cursed crew of that 4th ship has returned with a vengence. For within the walls of a spanish fort, A maelstrom has brought from the depths...death itself.

Interesting premise for the house, LOVE how some intense weather effects may be witnessed here (Strobe for lighting, some strong winds, perhaps even some rain). That said, it's yet ANOTHER ghost house of sorts. Can't say I'm excited for this one, but I'll probably try to give it a glimpse. WORTH A PEEK I SUPPOSE

THE IN-BETWEEN- An ominous portal reveals a 3rd dimension where all is not what it seems: A realm where our world and another collide. Surrounded by fiendish creatures, your eyes will deceive you with every step through this phantasm of terror.

FINALLY, a 3D house!!!! This will mark my first time ever walking through a 3D Haunted Hoise and thus, I'm pretty psyched (not to mention the idea of stepping into another fiendish, twisted dimension interests me to no end). I think I smell win. PRETTY EXCITED

SCAREZONES

Ehhh. Not much info to digest here. Hopefully this zone will include water/rain effects and I'm expecting the scareactors here to have some pretty grusome blisters on them. I suppose this could be an interesting zone, but it ould also end up being another contamination (shudders). APPREHENSIVE, BUT INTRIGUED NONTHLESS

CANYON OF DARK SOULS- Upon entering into the Canyon of Dark Souls, you will feel like a small spec of humanity as the overwhelming sense of death surrounds you. Creatures that dwell within the Canyon are not welcoming so walk slowly as to not disturb them.

I wonder how they shall incorporate the whole "being quite" aspect into this zone. That said, I LOVE the premise and can't wait to see how the atmosphere is and how the scareactors look. CAN'T WAIT!

GROWN EVIL- Enter, if you dare, into our garden where Evil grows. Nature has taken this once well manicured sanctuary back from the humans who once kept it. Now the creatures that inhabit the garden are making any human that enters their prey!!!

*Yawns*. Oh, sorry Universal...did I fall asleep there? I kid I kid. The premise actually does sound somewhat interesting and there is only one logical place for this zone to go: in the shady, tree lined street that leads to the Hollywood area of the park. I suppose most call this Central Park. It's good to see this small area finally getting some TLC from HHN. The past few years it's been decorated with wonderfully creepy Jack O' Lanterns and flickering lights. The area is already creepy and atmospheric enough that HHn doesn't have to do all that much (but I hope they do). Just the fact that zone will (hopefully) be in this area excites me to NO END!!! LET IT BEGIN!!! EXTREMELY PSYCHED!

7- As daylight shines upon our temptresses, their appearance, though evil, allows you the spectacle of beauty. As night falls, these 7 temptresses will show their true colors and take on their true fatal evil forms!! Beware of your own temptations!

Wow! I can't help but wonder why they put the daylight part in here since most of the event takes place at night. True for the first hour or so it is light out, so maybe that's what their talking about? I can't help but hope (foolish as it seems) that this zone will be open during the day. Either way, the idea of beautiful, sexy, evil females on the hunt after me....I'm not gonna lie, that's pretty hot. And I can only wonder what they mean by temptations? EXTREMELY PSYCHED!

NIGHTMAZE- Journey through the ever changing maze of darkness! This all black maze will change and morph as you walk through it!!! You will not be scared the same way twice!

I'm not gonna lie, this one sounds truly terrifying. An all black maze that morphs and changes as you walk through it...God, I peed myself just thinking about it. I'm confident that this maze will go into Shrek Alley as the pillars and walls there includes wheels. PRETTY PSYCHED!

YOUR LUCK JUST RAN OUT- Enter if you dare into the lair of the Lucky. Your choices will determine if you make it out alive! Witness Lucks deadly wrath. Will she choose you to be her next victim?

I hope there's a mini-stage show in this zone so we can watch Lady Luck (our icon/hostess for the event) do her thing. It sounds like we may be presented with choices in this zone, good way to make the event interactive HHN!!! I can't wait to finally shake hands with Luck!! EXCITED!

SHOWS

BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT HALLOWEEN ADVENTURE- Party on as those two most excellent dudes return to skewer the biggest names in entertainment and pop culture.

This show has been a staple of HHN since opening year. that said, it's usually a hit or miss. Some shows have been most excellent and others have been Non Non Heinious. Either way I'll most definitely be visiting this show while I'm there! Be excellent to each other and PARTY ON DUDES!!! EXCITED!

DEATH DRUMS- A seductive, hard-hitting and raw, extreme drumming experience is revealed at Halloween Horror Nights 21! Don't just see 1 show as there are 3 different shows nightly. Make the choice and experience Death Drums!

Seductive, huh? Maybe this show will include some sexy, scantily clad females? Not to mention, I've always had a thing for drums. I'll have to investigate further. INTERESTED

On a sidenote: I'm officially 21 so this will be my first time I'll be consuming alcohol at the event, adding a whole new element to the event I've never experienced before. I am (needless to say ) MOST EXCITED!

Anyways, those are my thoughts on the event. It seems to be shaping up to be another HHN 18: another year full of new, different, original, and unique concepts and themes. Here's to a great event, I'll see YOU there!!!! Till then feel free to try your luck while you're at HHN 21, but remember, the House always wins.

HST FANS REJOICE: FIRST TRAILER FOR THE RUM DIARY IS RELEASED

2011-08-26T12:50:00.000-07:00

Now, I don't know about you folks, but I love me some HST, that's Hunter S. Thompson for those of you who are uninitiated with this brilliant man and his delightfully insane novels. Most famous for his novel Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (which was later turned into a hit film starring Johnny Depp), most of his novels involve heavy use of illegal drugs and alcohol. Another film based on one of his novels is being released soon, entitled The rum Diary and from its first trailer it looks like it's shaping up to be a fun ride.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-m0yqS3jodU&feature=player_embedded

Looks to me like The Rum Diary is going to have quite a few staples commonly found in HST's works: A traveling journalist, a crazy trip, a different and interesting location, large consumptions of alcohol/drugs, some surrealism and insanity, and tales that are so unbelievable they can only be true (I think). It's been a while since we've seen a film released based on HST's work, and while this one does look to be a bit watered down it still seems to me like there is a genuine chance it will be a breath of fresh air for HST fans such as myself, till this is released I'll have to busy myself with re-watching Rango (the closest thing we have right now to a film that includes some signature HST elements) So put on your shades and don't stop the car (It's Bat Country), because The Rum Diary is coming to a theatre near you SOON (how exactly soon is soon, we have yet to learn).

YOU'RE SOOOO COOL BREWSTER: BEETLES REVIEW OF FRIGHT NIGHT 3D

2011-08-19T19:38:00.000-07:00

Fright Night was one of my favorite films to come out of one of my favorite eras: the 80's. Fright Night was about boy next door Charlie Brewster, who discovers the new neighbor that lives next door to him is a bloodthirsty vampire. It started out as a campy, fun PG-13 film but as the film progressed it went places that the audience didn't expect it to go and eventually morphed into a dark, sexy hard R film. That's what I loved about the original, it's ability to surprise and thrill the audience while still being able to have fun with itself was what made the film an instant classic. Now, there's a remake that has awakened. Now, I know in these days the word remake is shunned and frowned upon. In a market where the fountain of creative, original ideas has seemingly run dry Hollywood has resorted to remaking classic films for the modern day. While most remakes end up being predictable pieces of crap, Fright Night is THE remake to remember.

In Fright Night 2011, Charlie Brewster is an everyday guy ( Anton Yelchin) who is struggling (like all teens) to fit in and be cool. He's nailed the almost impossible task of nabbing the incredibly hot Amy ( Imogen Poots) as his girlfriend. His life seems to be heading for easy street until new neighbor Jerry Dandridge (Colin Ferrel) moves in next door and kids start disappearing. Of course, none of this registers on Charlie's radar until his forgotten friend, "Evil" Ed brings up the strange goings-on surrounding Jerry. Charlie blows him off and Ed eventually winds up missing as well. Feeling guilty, Charlie sets out to investigate and finds himself in the fight for his life, his family, and his girlfriend.

Unlike the original Fright Night, Fright Night 2011 starts out as a pretty dark, cool, sexy film and stays that way for most of its running time. Luckily, it still manages to show its audience a good time (especially in 3D). It performs the difficult task of updating the source material for the modern day, staying true to the source material, and being its own film. against all odds, Fright night 2011 succeeds in doing all of these things brilliantly. It also throws in many references to the original classic which made me grin (There's the white dress, a cool bedroom scene where Charlie is too busy watching Jerry to notice Amy is waiting for him on his bed, some lines that also appeared in the original, etc.).

Fright Night 2011 also showcases the proper way to use the 3D technology. The film showcases the most depth I've seen in a 3D film thus far, it feels like you're looking through a window at another world. Fright Night 2011 also does a great job at allowing objects to penetrate the theatre screen (spurts of blood, crosses, it also boasts the most impressive use of fire in a 3D film as well. The fire and explosions seem to billow out into the theatre). Overall I can safely say that, although my eyes did start to hurt near the end of the film, that I thoroughly enjoyed and loved the 3D experince to be sampled here. If you do make the decision to sample Fright Night in 3D, you will not be throwing away a few extra dollars, as the 3D here only serves to enhance an already great film.

Anton Yelchin (my favorite up-and-coming actor) stars as the everyday guy next door Charlie Brewster. The film beefs up Charlie's backstory a bit, which makes the character all the more identifiable and interesting.Fright Night 2011 turns the character of Charlie into an ex-nerd who is trying to become cool and popular, in the process ditching his best friend "Evil" Ed. Yelchin puts on a brilliant performance as Charlie, perfectly capturing the problem of our generation: fitting in. He shows the right amount of regret when he realizes he may have been able to save Ed, but was too selfish to help his friend out and it is this dilemma that propels the film forward and ignites the rest of the film.

Christopher Mintz-Plasse (best known a for his role as McLovin) is great fun as "Evil" Ed. He is kind of an A-hole throughout most of the film, but his actions and such are understandable. He is losing his best friend and begins to view Charlie as almost a traitor of sorts. Plasse's best scene in the film is his brief stint as a secondary villain of sorts. It's great fun to watch two friends (Charlie and Ed) battle it out, and the dialogue they share is absolutely hilarious (Not to mention Plasse looks pretty damn cool as a bad guy). While he's not in the film alot, he still adds much to it by just appearing in it.

Imogen Poots is sexy as the incredibly desirable Amy. In the original film ,Amy was a mousy nerdy girl who was Charlie's girlfriend, However in Fright Night 2011 Amy has been transformed into a hot, sexy, tight-assed goddess. Luckily, she is not used purely as eye candy (her 3d scenes were pretty damn hot though) and actually appears as a fleshed out character in the film. She is what drives the action and plot for the end of the film and is the reason why Charlie finally goes all-out in his quest to vanquish Jerry.

David Tennant is also great fun as the almost comic foil of the film, Peter Vincent. In the original Fright Night his character was a late night horror show host who starred in many films as a vampire hunter. In Fright Night 2011 he is a Las Vegas illusionist/magician whose act revolves around killing Vampires. By the time we are fully introduced to his character, Charlie has realized he is in waaaaay over his head and so, goes to Peter Vincent for help and advice. David Tennant plays his part perfectly as the sarcastic, extravagent, alcohol loving bad-ass. He's almost a mentor of sorts to Charlie for the parts he is in, and let's face it, the climax just wouldn't be the same without him.

Colin Farrell is perfect as Jerry Dandridge, the vampire next door and the antagonist for the film. He is the ultimate, cool bachelor. He has girls over every night, has a nice car, goes to parties, and even talks like a bad-ass. He enjoys being a vampire, and the perks that come with it. Every piece of dialogue he has is absolutely electric and he lights up the screen here like it's nobodies business. Him and Anton Yelchin work off of each other perfectly here (one scene comes to mind when Jerry comes over asking for a pack of beer) and you can tell that both are enjoying the hell out of their roles here. Jerry is almost always in control for most of the film, and it's fun to watch him plot and plan. Jerry is a real vampire here, he is deathly allergic to sunlight, hisses and growls, and even vamps out into one ugly monster when he gets hungry. It feels great to finally see a real vampire back on the big screen.

While it is a remake, Fright night 2011 (like it's predecessor before it) manages to take itself to some pretty surprising and fun places. It's very rare to see a remake do everything so right. The 3D is great, the SFX are stunning, the acting is top-notch, the references are smart and fun, the script is smart, and it's reverential to its source material but it still emerges as its own film. In the end, while nothing can replace the original Fright Night, Fright Night 2011 comes pretty damned close to being every bit as good as the original was.

4/5 Stars

BEETLE TAKES A DRIVE WITH 30 MINS OR LESS

2011-08-16T13:01:00.000-07:00

Let's start this review off by addressing the elephant in the room. YES, 30 Mins or Less was partly inspired by a real life event in which a 40 something pizza delivery guy was abducted and had a bomb placed around his neck, and then was forced to go rob a bank (he died by the way). Does knowing this detract from any of the fun to be had in this film? the answer is, surprisingly, no. Every now and then this knowledge gnaws on you during the film, but it's never enough to ruin what is otherwise an extremely fun time at the movies.

From its first fast-paced scene involving Jesse Eisenberg and his car, the tone and pace for 30 Mins or Less is established (it's also one of the few times where after the first scene it's fairly easy to tell if you're going to love the film or not. Me?, I loved it) . Running at a swift 83 mins, not a second is wasted and not a single opportunity for fun is denied. It's a tight, well-made fun guy flick.

30 Mins or Less is about slacker pizza delivery guy Nick (Jesse Eisenberg) and his best friend Chet (Aziz Ansari). One day after Nick and Chet butt heads over an issue and Nick storms out, he ends up having (reluctantly) to deliver one last pizza. Unfortunately, once he arrives at the place he is ambushed by two idiots, Dwayne (Danny McBride) and Travis (Nick Swardson). Once the bomb is strapped around Nick's waist, he is told that he has 10 hours to rob a bank otherwise both buffoons will blow him sky high. In a panic, he drags Chet into his problem in hopes Chet may be able to help him out (of course, this does not please Chet).

While most films would be content in following this otherwise straight-forward plot, 30 Mins or Less is more than willing to step away from the crowd and do something completely, exhilaratingly different.The film is actually alot more complex than its trailers make it out to be and in reality, while the film seems to be building up to an obvious climax it really builds up to something completely different. The trailers only show you maybe the first 30 mins of the film, the rest of 30 Mins or Less has quite a few twists, turns, and surprises so that the audience is kept guessing as to how it all will end throughout the 2nd half of the film, and while the ending is nowhere near as great as it seems to be building itself up to be, there are still quite a few eye opening moments that come out of left field. I can honestly say this is one of the few films where I couldn't guess how it all would end, and this excited me to no end.

While most of the cast does a great job (Aziz Ansari was hilarious as always and his banter with Nick made for some of the more memorable moments in the film), I felt that the 2 best characters were Nick and Dwayne. Dwayne is played by Danny McBride, who does a wonderful performance as a moron who tries to create a scheme that involves killing his A-hole dad (played to perfection by Fred Ward) and using his inheritance to become a millionaire. How does this fit into the bank robbery?? You'll have to see the film for yourself to find out.

Nick is played by Jesse Eisenberg, perfect as the slacker asshole of a main character. He is great fun to watch and immensly easy to root for. It's fun to see him think his way through the problem he's found himself in and use the last few hours he may have to try and fix his somewhat messed up life.

While the script isn't the strongest one I've seen and some jokes fall a wee bit flat, 30 Mins or Less still gains points in it's ability to surprise and thrill audiences (several pretty cool action sequences, and character arcs that go places that are pretty unexpected), and in a market where Hollywood is perfectly content with staying on the beaten path, that makes this film all the more refreshing. 30 Mins or Less is an immensely fun time at the movies that I highly recommend to anyone just looking to have a good time and then some.

3.5/ 5 stars

YES, I didn't go into too much detail and there were several characters I left out in this review. It would be a crime if I spoiled too much of the plot here.

BEETLE'S SUPERHERO FILMS OF 2011

2011-07-26T17:47:00.000-07:00

Hey there beetleheads!!!!! As I'm sure you already know the summer of 2011 was host to quite a few films about our favorite tight wearing do-gooders. I, your humble reviewer, made it my quest to sit through every superhero film of the summer. Now, after the successful completion of said quest, I rank the superhero films of summer 2011.

Ranking in at # 4 is the abysmally bad Green Lantern.

Yup, I was looking forward to this one quite a bit. While the first trailer failed to impress me, the newer ones actually got me psyched, then the reviews came out. While it does boast a few impressive sequences the film ends up killing itself. Hal Jordan is quickly established as an asshole who only cares about himself, how are audiences supposed to root for someone like that, seriously??? The meek nerd Hector Hammond is way more sympathetic, but he ends up being one of the main villains, so we kinda can't root for him (although there are times where we are tempted). Carol Ferris is reduced to a stereotyped love interest for our 'hero", why, because every superhero film needs a love interest (groan). Not to mention, the 3-D was unimpressive and the graphics rarely amazed. While the film manages to set up the mythology of the Green Lantern Corps. quite nicely, the film is thrown together with extremely poor direction, editing, and a god-awful script (Just about the only standout parts are on Oa, the home of the Lanterns, and even that crucial location is reduced to less than a handful of scenes). The film is a big, sloppy mess that is pretty hard to sit through, and don't get me started on the post-credit scene. In the end, The Green Lantern Corps. deserved a movie better than this. Reboot please??? 2 stars

Ranking in at the # 3 spot is Thor.

Thor was the first super hero film of the summer, and it started things out with a bang. While there is little to no plot, the graphics are the real star here. All actors do a pretty bang up here and are pretty likeable (even the villain of the film, Loki, is pretty sympathetic and comes across as a real character. His motives are completely understandable, if not a little fucked up). Anthony Hopkins puts on his best performance in years as odin, and Chris Hemsworth is great as spoiled hot-headed prince Thor who is banished to Earth after he disobeys one of his father's orders and starts a war in the process. While the stuff on Earth is a little lead-footed and boring, and the romance between Thor and Jane Foster (a typically hot Natalie Portman) feels forced and fake (She falls in love with Thor for no apparent reason other than he looks good with his shirt off) fans will be sure to find something to like here, if not the cool Norse mythological aspects, or the interesting blend of science and magic, then maybe the amazing visuals. All-in-all Thor adds up to quite an epic adventure. 3 stars

Ranking in at the # 2 spot is Captain America

Joe Johnston directs Captain America, he also directed The Rocketeer and boy does it show: both are period pieces that have a campiness about them and a fun spirit of adventure. The films beginning is one of the strongest parts as we are introduced to Steve and are given his background and get to see why he really is already a true hero, even though those around him don't know it yet. In fact, I'd dare say the strongest thing about Captain America is how they set up and handle Steve's character. He is instantly likeable and relateable. He may be weak, but he's got one strong set of values and damn is it hard not to fall in love with him (no homo). He is a kid that just wants to serve his country, he doesn't want to kill anyone, and he respects his country so much that he gets into a fight with someone because they were mocking some news reels about the war. Another strong character is Steve's lady friend Peggy Carter (Played by Hayley Atwell), she is one of the higher ups in the military that immediately takes a liking to Steve. She is very witty and has a somewhat tough exterior but as the film continues forward we see that start to melt. Her standout scene is when she enters a restaurant in a red dress, I dare you not to look at her in that thing. Unfortunately, this film does have a weak point and that is the Nazi elements. Hydra (a special faction of the Nazi party) are neither much threatening or scary, Hugo Weaving isn't given much to do except to scowl and try and look menacing, and the films macguffin (The Cosmic Cube) isn't explained all that well and it's power is never fully defined, thus every time the story focuses on the Nazis I grew bored. Despite this though, Captain America is still one super film. It manages to please the comic nerds by throwing in neat little details from previous films and the comics (Bucky, Stark Con, Black Widow, etc.) while also serving as wish fulfillment for any nerdy weakling that has ever been picked on and put down. I'd say it's on par with Iron Man, it's nothing we haven't seen before but it's in the handling of the material that makes this film great! 4 stars

And the # 1 superhero film of the summer is X-Men First Class

I wasn't particularly looking forward to this film. To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of origin stories but I'll be damned if this isn't the best one I've seen....EVER. It manages to explain just about everything I wanted an answer to without feeling crammed. What really impressed me though, is that the explanations it gave actually made sense. First class takes place in the 60s and the look, feel, and language of the film is shaped by that era. It really is a neat period piece that incorporates elements from Inglourious Bastards, spy films, and superhero films. In other words, it's one groovy hybrid. Surprisingly, one of the easiest characters to root for was Magneto (Michael Fassbender) who is back in Inglourious Basterds mode here. He gets a neat backstory, and does most of the ass-kicking in the film. Another neat character is Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) who is pretty smart, but uses his wits and charm as a way to woo ladies and to raise mutant awareness. The leading lady (of sorts) in this film is the incredibly hot Mystique (Jenniffer Lawrence, who pretty much gets a full frontal nude scene in one scene where she is blue) she is kind of like Xavier's sister, but she wants to mean more to him than just that. There is also the feeling that there is real bond of friendship between Professor X and Magneto, this in itself makes the film that much stronger. Overall, X-Men First Class is a well-rounded, supremely well-done film and even though Kevin Bacons antagonist may be a little bit too cheesy for my tastes, that still does not take away from the fun and thrills to be had here. And please, no sequels....this ones good enough to be a stand alone film. 4.5 stars

Well there you have it, The superhero films of summer 2011, I hope my rankings have helped you decide which of these films will be worth you time. I hope you had as much fun reading this post as I had writing and living it. Till next time beetleheads....STAY GROOVY.

HORRIBLE BOSSES- COMEDY OF THE YEAR???

2011-07-10T11:41:00.001-07:00

Is Horrible Bosses the comedy of the year??? I mean any film that starts out with the song 'The Underdog' by Spoon should be good, right, especially since the song fits perfectly into the film. Sure, the trailers looked hilarious, but thats barely a way to accurately judge how funny or good a comedy will be. Take Bad Teacher for example: the trailers for that film were hilarious, but the film itself ended up being disappointingly mediocre. I had high hopes for Horrible Bosses, but I always remembered that it could easily end up being a huge unfunny flop. You can imagine my trepidation as I took my seat. Will this really be funny, or should I chalk this up as another failed attempt at comedy to the films of 2011??? So, what's my final verdict???

Horrible Bosses ended up being more than I could ever hope for. It's a cathartic release of unbridled laughter and good feelings, after all, who hasn't ever dreamed about offing that annoying co-worker or ball busting boss they have to deal with every damned day. That's exactly what Horrible Bosses is essentially about. Three pals; Dale, Nick, and Kurt have 3 of the worst bosses on Earth. One day they decide enough is enough and formulate a plan to off each other's bosses.

The thing that makes the film work is the script and the actors in it.

Jennifer Anniston is fucking HOT in this film. I've never been attracted to her before, but I'll be damned if this film hasnt changed my mind about her. Not only is she hot, but she's got some of the funniest scenes in the film. It's a riot to see what she puts poor, timid Dale through on a daily basis. I don't know about you guys, but I don't think having Jennifer Anniston constantly hunting for my dick is something to complain about.

Kevin Spacey is suitably terrifying and tormenting in his role as crazed psycho-boss, however I didn't find his performance here anything to scream to the heavens about. He does what is required of him, and he does have some LOL moments but he's probably the only more-or-less serious character in the film. There's nothing wrong with that, but there is a point in the film where he begins to take precedence over the other bosses, and that detracted from the overall experience. All I could think as his role slowly became larger and larger was: Where did Jennifer Anniston go??

Colin Farrell is hilarious as the coke-addled moron who inherits the company that Kurt works for. He's mainly in the first half of the film, and his scenes are as gut-busting as Anniston's are. He never seemed like much of a threat to be honest, with the way he was acting it's only a matter of time before another disgruntled employee put a gun to this dude's head. Still, he makes for quite a memorable semi-villain in the film.

Jamie Foxx is perfect as the man with the golden name: Motherfucker Jones. That's right, you heard me correctly his name really is Motherfucker Jones. Do I need to say anything more???? He plays a bad-ass hitman of sorts that Dale, Kurt, and Nick go to for advice and help. I really enjoyed every scene he was in as he was equal parts dead serious and hilarious, finding the right mixture of each so his character came across as balanced and real.

As great as these characters are though, the ones that make the film so damn enjoyable are Dale, Kurt, and Nick. Our three protagonists who are sort of modern day heroes to the everyman. Yes, their idiots; yes, their in way over their heads, but they have the inititaive and the drive to see their plan through all the way to the end. They HATE their bosses, I mean REALLY HATE their bosses, and who can blame them??? Sudeikis, Bateman, and Day are perfectly cast and play off each other constantly. I'd dare say alot of their scenes were probably adlibbed. They come across as real friends that have been together for a long time, and I love that. There's real chemistry there and in the end, that's the biggest selling point of the film: their chemistry.

Jason Sudeikis is great as Kurt, who's new boss is Bobby (Collin Farrell). Kurt is the smooth ladies man of the group that always knows what to say to really turn her on. It's fun to see his frustration as he tries to communicate and talk sense into moronic Bobby, who only cares about making a quick buck and firing people that make him feel uncomfortable. As he tries to explain to Bobby that this is wrong, his expressions say it all: It's like trying to talk sense into a child. He's fucking hilarious.

Jason Bateman is Nick, the center of the group and the more-or-less rational one. He works for Dave Harken (Kevin Spacey) who terrorizes Nick, teases him, and humiliates him all for his own personal enjoyment. Nick is a man who has worked hard for many years and put up with all the shit Harken has put him through, and when Harken inevitably draws the line and Nick tries to stand up for himself for the first time, seeing Harken's ruthless attitude as he claims Nick as "His Bitch" and Nick's reaction to this is a very real moment in the film that puts us fully on Nick's side and makes us hate Harken all the more. Oh yeah, and Nick is VERY funny as well.

Charlie Day is Dale, the timid and shy underling to Jennifer Anniston's nympho dentist Julia Harris. Dale is engaged to a beautiful woman. This infuriates Julia to no end, since she thinks Dale is HERS. She continually comes at him with a sexual aggressiveness that, I'm not gonna lie, actually turned me on. Scary, I know. Seeing Dale's terrified reactions to her behavior is gut-wrenchingly, slap your knee till it's red hilarious. It does make you wonder though, what do dentists do when they put you out. They could dress us up in funny outfits and make us do humiliating poses and we would be none the wiser.

Behind every great film, there is a superb script that holds everything together, and Horrible Bosses is no different. While I do suspect that there was a good amount of adlibbing going on in the film, there is still no denying that there is a strong prescence of a script here. The script by Michael Markowitz, John Francis Daley, and Johnathan M. Goldstein, and the direction by Seth Gordon pile on the laughs, but keep the film moving at an even pace for the duration of its running time. That is what makes this film so goddamned good. Yes, it's HILARIOUS, but it never runs ahead of itself or loses steam. The film moves at a consistent rate, and thank god for that.

Now we move back to my question I proposed at the beginning of the review: Is Horrible Bosses the best comedy of 2011??? Well, I'm gonna go out on a ledge here and say yes...I think it is. It's evenly paced, got strong direction, has great actors and characters, and generates a lot of laughs. As I said before, It's downright cathartic, and I'm pretty sure I've never used that phrase when referring to a comedy before. Horrible Bosses will leave you with a "Feel Good" feeling, and will keep you laughing from beginning to end, and in this age where we have witnessed a depression, where our country is currently at war, and where our personal lives have been tainted by the economic crash...well, I think what we need now more than ever is to laugh and feel good, and that's exactly what Horrible Bosses offers us: A chance to sit back and laugh for a good hour + and forget our problems. It's medicine that's candy flavored. You MUST see Horrible Bosses.

5/5 Stars BETTER THAN SEX

SUPER 8 IS MINT

2011-06-09T23:31:00.000-07:00

Let's be honest. The films of today will never be as great as the films of yesteryear (in terms of production value, quality, etc.), nobody knows this better than Steven Spielberg and JJ Abrams. Together, they teamed up to create one of the most perfect films I have EVER had the joy of watching. It's an intiguing blend of Sci-fi, Romance, Nostalgia, Action, Adventure, and buddy flick. It's called Super 8, and if I must say so myself it is indeed quite super.

The story here is of Joe Lamb, a young pre-adolescent that is suffering from the loss of his mother. He's got a pretty rad group of friends (Charles: the director, Martin: The actor, Cary: the explosives "expert", and Preston. Joe is in charge of makeup) , and together they traverse their small town of Lillian making films. One day, they make the trek to a train station to film a scene for their film and just so happen to witness an exhilarating train crash. As the boys and one girl (new inductee to the group Alice Dainard) flee something emerges from the wreckage and slowly begins to wreak havoc on the small town. As Joe and Alice try to piece together the ongoing mystery they begin to experience new emotions for each other.

As an honorary member of the Spielberg era (I was born in the 90's but grew up with all his classic films. To be honest I really do wish I had grown up in the 70's so I could have seen all those classics in theatres. It would have been awesome!!!) Super 8 seemed to be tailor made for me. It does take place sometime in the 70's and has several neat nods in tone to some of Speilberg's films from that era including but not limited to Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Goonies, and ET. This gives the whole film a very cool nostalgic vibe that I really loved. Super 8 hearkens back to a time when movies were simpler, but made much more of a personal impact on audiences. It understands that movies work best when they make a connection with the viewer. I know that Super 8 definently made a connection with me, right from the opening scene which, without one line of dialogue, immediately tells us what has just occurred and beautifully creates this tragic sense of sadness that continues to exist underneath the surface of the film. In this way does it follow the rule that so many movies break these days: show, don't tell, and I love it for doing that. I also could relate to the group of kids in the film. I grew up acting and I've always had a passion for movies and the art of making them. I'm sure that if you had a childhood similar to the kids in the film, most of the funny parts will seem much more funny...they sure did to me.

Despite it's insistence that it is a sci-fi film, Super 8 works best when it is focusing on it's young protagonists and delving into their personal lives and friendships. The two most outstanding actors in the film are Elle Fanning, who plays Alice, and Joel Courtney, who plays Joe. they have an undeniable chemistry and play their roles with just the right sense of wonderment at the proceeding events. In one scene, when Elle goes from being stone cold to being close to tears and then cooly asking if that was good enough for the take that Charles was filming...it's a thing of beauty. She is given ample opportunity to show off her acting prowess here and she does not disappoint, most moviegoers will find themselves falling in lover with as Joe does. Joel also gets more than enough screen time to show us what he's got, and he does not disappoint either. from his first melancholy scene to his last look of bewildered wonderment he proves that he is one of the most prominent child actors today. It is a thing of beauty to watch Elle and Joel interact together and play off each other, often times their portrayals giving me some serious chills. One scene that sticks out is when, despite her father's warnings, Alice sneaks over to Joel's place and some serious conversations ensue. seriously guys, keep your eyes on Elle and Joel, they are a force to be reckoned with.

The other child actors do a superb job here as well. Ryan Lee is absolutely hilarious as Cary, the zany one of the group. Gabriel Basso is also pretty damned funny as Martin, and Zach Mills as Preston is also pretty cool but doesn't really make a lasting impression. By far, the one that stick out the most in the group is Riley Griffiths as Charles. He knows when to play it up for laughs and when to slow it down and play it more serious, whats best is that he never comes across as trying to be funny. His friendship with Joe is another one of the best things about the film. They are real buddies and genuinely care about one another. The best scene they share together is when Charles reveal a surprising plot element that most films these days overlook completely. He is a believable character that I cared about in this film, in fact I cared about every single one of the kids.

As a group, the kids interactions with each other are believable and come across as genuine and real. This is how kids talk, what they discuss and fantasize about in their spare time, and this is the kind of adventure every kid in their right mind dreams of having one day. It's a real delight to see the kids interact and play off of each other, and it's also pretty cool to be able to delve into their friendships and see what makes each of them tick. The group dynamic is by far one of the best things about Super 8.

Rounding out the cast are the lead adults. There's Kyle Chandler as Jackson Lamb, Joel's father and town deputy that is struggling to balance his new role as sole parent and his position as deputy. Only complicating things are the persistent military that invades the town after the train crash and lead Jackson to do some investigating of his own. There's Ron Eldard as Louis Dainard, Alice's drunkard of a father. He does care about his daughter but his alcoholic tendencies keep getting in the way of his role as dad. There's also David Gallagher as the funny stoner dude Donny. He's got a crush on Charles' sister and comes to the group's rescue several times throughout the film. He makes for another enjoyable and hilarious character in the film.

Super 8 takes many risks, and in an age where films are perfectly comfortable to play it safe that's a huge achievement. It isn't afraid to place it's kid protagonists in danger several times throughout the film, and unlike the newest Indiana Jones film it actually feels dangerous and there is always the risk that they may not make it out of this alive.

There are several huge set pieces that really blew me away in Super 8, but by far the most impressive is the fantastic train wreck sequence that seems to go on forever (this is a good thing). Train cars fly through the air, some catch on fire, fireballs explode and fly dangerously close to our protagonists and when you think it's over it's really just begun. Like the energizer bunny, the sequence keeps going and going and going. It was phenomenal. Every single action scene in the film was superbly done and is unforgettable once viewed.

Super 8, despite it's numerous accomplishments, does have one major downfall: it tries to do too much. Between trying to be a nostalgic look back at the good old days of moviemaking, and trying to be a look at our bygone days of youth and what it was like to be a kid, and trying to be a coming of age story, and also trying to be an exciting sci-fi film, Super 8 ultimately becomes a bit bogged down. To be honest though, you barely notice this except at some of the slower moments of the film and even then it's only a fleeting realiziation. Super 8 shoots for the moon but gets the stars instead, it's not so much of a loss as it is a happy shortcoming ( my only other complaint is that the film focuses too much on the monster's story and not enough time on the kids). Don't let this deter you from seeing the film though, because it is still pretty damned perfect in just about every way nontheless.

Super 8 is many things: Mainly it's a nostalgic film wrapped in pretty sci-fi wrappings. I, for one, want to see more films like this. I like the vibe the film gave off, and it really does feel like you are opening the coolest, most rad time capsule ever when you view this film. It's fucking neat. Super 8, despite a few shortcomings, is an instant classic that will become one for the ages. Needless to say it will probably become my personal favorite film of the summer, possibly the year. As Charles would say: It's mint.

4.5/5 Stars

BREAKING DAWN TRAILER IS RELEASED, TEEN GIRLS EVERYWHERE SCREAM WITH JOY

2011-06-06T00:45:00.001-07:00

Yes, unfortunately it is getting closer to that time of year again. That foul time of the year where an ever ruthless Hollywood takes advantage of the teen female demographic by releasing yet another god-damned Twilight film. STOP IT ALREADY!!!!

For those not in the know, the first teaser trailer for Breaking Dawn has just been released at the MTV Movie Awards. Being a critic, I (unfortunately) had to watch the trailer for myself. Here are my thoughts.

The trailer hits all the right notes for Twilight fans. it makes them feel special by saying they are invited to Edward and Bella's wedding, pulls on their heart strings by reminding them that this is the first part of the end, and it tickles their under regions with sexed up clips of Edward, Bella, and a shirtless Jacob wolfing out.

That said, the trailer did nothing for me. Let's face it, I'm not a Twilight fan, most guys aren't. The only way any self-respecting guy would go to a Twilight film would be if their girl dragged them to it.

While I look forward to the new Twilight film with the right amount of dread, others rejoice (why, I'll never be able to figure out). It's just another product of a system that is eager to exploit a dumb demographic that is so easy to manipulate. So rest easy Hollywood, knowing that soon your piggy banks will be overflowing with dumb teenage girl money.

(For those of you wondering why there is no link to the trailer of Breaking Dawn it's because I didn't post one. If you want to watch the trailer you'll have to look that shit up for yourself.)

BEETLE BOOKS A FLIGHT TO A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY IN STAR TOURS 2: THE RIDE!!!

2011-05-24T19:28:00.000-07:00

I'm ready to post my in-depth spoiler filled review of Star Tours 2. If you don't want anything spoiled for you...please, don't read any further.

Ok, so I arrived at the Star Tours terminal to find the line was out the door. Unfortunately, it was 90 degrees outside and most of the waiting was done in the extended Endor queue, so I was a puddle of sweat by the time I finally made it inside.

Anyways, I can't begin to describe how refreshing the cool air inside was once I finally made it in. The first room looks brand spankin new, with a shiny new starspeeder, and a jaw dropping HD screen that acts as both a terminal sign and a place to view ads for Star Tours. It also has a new lighting scheme that gives the whole area a nice cool blue hue. Back in this area is R2 and C-3PO. They spout out new pieces of dialogue along with old (possibly re-recorded) dialogue, working on the starspeeder in front of us and taking time out to comment on the ads we view. It's a nice mixture of new and old, sure to please both new and returning guests.

The next room used to be a droid repair room, but has been redesigned as a security terminal. The same 2 droids are back and have been all polished up. they are both shiny and, if I didn't know any better, I could swear look brand new (want proof they aren't??? The one checking luggage still has webbed feet!!!!). The first thing any fan of the original Star Tours will notice is our rookie pilot RX, labeled defective. He sparks occasionally and spits out dialogue that we've all heard him say in the original version. (I must say, I do miss good old RX). The next item you will encounter is the luggage scanner droid and the neat little effect that accompanies him. Pieces of luggage are stopped, scanned, and then the droid takes a few seconds to comment on what he observes. I caught a toy Ewok, some items that looked like blasters (according to the droid they were hair dryers), and storm trooper helmets. As you move on from this area you will pass under a window where the silhouettes of characters pass by, be sure to take a few seconds to watch this effect as you'll never know who you'll see or what you'll witness. After passing the window, you'll encounter the body scanner droid. He'll scan you (look at the monitor he stands above...it really does scan your body!!!) and make some (pre-recorded) comments. One comment I remember was him telling us not to watch the scanner, cuz that's his job. I also remember him shuffling us along into the next area.

After the Security Terminal you'll pass thru an arch (for lack of a better word) of sorts (similar to what can be found in MIB and the old Body Wars attraction). Beyond the arch is a diagram of the Starspeeder 1k. Shortly after passing this you will be directed to your departure gate. This is also where you pick up those cool looking 3-D shades.

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILRS LIE AHEAD!!!! IF YOU DO NOT WANT ANYTHING SPOILED FOR YOU PLEASE STOP READING NOW

While waiting for your staspeeder we get a glimpse as droids prep our starspeeder for takeoff. While we are watching C-3PO bumbles his way into the cabin. It would appear that both ACE and our Staspeeder require a few last second repairs. After Ace leaves and C-3PO takes a seat in the captain's chair, the Shield window closes, trapping C-3PO inside. After this, a quick safety video plays ( be sure to keep an eye out for a passenger that resembles the original spokeswoman for Star Tours) and our Starspeeder is lifted into the loading gate. Shortly after this the gate doors fly open and we are ushered to our seats.

I'm not sure, but I believe that our Starspeeder is the same one from before...only it's been polished up quite a bit. It looks BRAND NEW!!!!

Once our seatbelts are buckled, the starspeeder doors close and we begin our journey. A small screen to the right of the shield window comes on showing C-3PO. A voice comes on over the intercom telling us that we are ready to depart and that the captain should prepare the speeder. C-3PO panics, saying that we cannot take off because our captain is not back yet. Since C-3PO fails to comply with orders an automatic start-up is initiated and our shield window slides down, revealing the C-3PO full motion animatronic and the Star Tours departure port in glorious 3-D. The screen isn't really hi-def but does have a crystal clear quality that the original ride lacked. It never feels like we are watching a screen, but instead that we are looking out a window. It gives you a YOU-ARE-THERE feeling and I can happily report that the 3-D never utilizes any cheap tricks that are usually so common in theme park shows that utilize this common technology.

The opening sequence I received was the Vader one. A Terminal droid guides our starspeeder up and around a corner. C-3PO tells R2 that he is not designed to captain a ship and to turn us around before something bad happens. As if on cue, Vader glides into view, accompanied by a whole battalion of Stormtroopers. He stops our ship and tells us that he has received intel that a rebel spy is on board and that he intends to board our ship so he can retrieve him/her/them. R2 tries to hi-tail us out of there but Vader doesn't take too kindly to this and force grabs our ship, moving us around in what has got to be one of the coolest effects I've ever witnessed (I seriously crapped my jeans). R2 deploys our blaster cannons and takes aim at Vader, as he deflects the shots with his lightsaber R2 accelerates us back and out of the Star Tours terminal where we shoot down some Tie Fighters. After this he warps us to lightspeed (another cool effect as we tilt backwards).

Once out of Lightspeed I found that we had arrived at Hoth, where a full fledged AT-AT battle with the Rebel Alliance was under way. we dodge shots from AT-ATs, but before we can make it out of there R2 reports to C-3PO that we have lost power to our thrusters, to which C-3PO replies: "Are those important?" We find ourselves gliding dangerously close to an AT-AT which takes aim at us, we are hit by one of the blasts and manage to barely glide under one of his feet (It almost crushes us) as we hit the ground and continue forward and up a slope where we come to a halt. We are teetering over a deep ledge (Our starspeeder is leaning forward...another cool effect). C-3PO tells us not to move. We begin to fall and he tells us that he meant everybody move, LEAN BACK!!! It's too late though as we go completely over the ledge and into a short toboggan run. C-3PO yells at R2 to DO SOMETHING. R2 steers us up a side of the valley we are in, our speeder shoots up the side and into the air where we regain our thrusters and R2 accelerates us back out into space. We receive a transmission from Yoda, after which we go into Lightspeed once again.

After coming out of Lightspeed for the 2nd time, I found that we had arrived at the planet Geonosis. Our Starspeeder flies towards the planet and gets caught in it's rings (consisting of large astroids). It is at this point that Bobba Fett (in his ship) appears. C-3PO comments: A Bounty Hunter!!! He says something like: You cannot hide from me and then starts firing at us. C-3PO guides our starspeeder, dodging the blasts from Bobba Fett while R2 deploys our blaster cannons and our speeder fires off at the asteroids that lay in our path. We eventually make it out of Geonosis' rings only to fly directly into Vader's path. Vader says the CLASSIC line: I have you now and C-3PO takes evasive action, diving our Starspeeder deep into the Death Star. Once in it's core C-3PO says: Hang on, I'm getting us out of here!!! R2 makes a comment and C-3PO retorts saying that he knows what he's doing. He takes us into the flight bay for the Death Star and we narrowly avoid hitting some stormtroopers (who dive for cover) as we escape out of the flight bay only to be halted by bobba once again. He tells us: Say goodbye, rebel spy. and shoots out a supersonic bomb at us. R2 shoots it before it can hit us. Bobba Fett fires off another one and R2 shoots it while it's near Bobba, sending Bobba flying sideways, our Starspeeder is thrust backwards from the explosion (It's MASSIVE) and while Bobba is distracted by the balst C-3PO order R2 to send us into Lightspeed again. We escape and arrive at a Rebel aircraft, Admiral Ackbar comes in on the small screen and welcomes us, saying they were beginning to worry. They ask if the spy is all right and C-3Po says that the spy is fine, but may be a little bit shaken. We land in the flight bay for the craft and a bunch of rebels gather around our vehicle and applaud us. C-3PO tells us to be careful out there because the empire is watching.

Our Starspeeder lowers back to the loading platform and the shield window rises back into place...the last thing we hear C-3PO say is: Can anyone tell us the way back to a Star Tours Flight Terminal??"

And that's it!!!! My whole first flight on Star Tours 2. I got to ride it again later on in the day, getting the same beginning and ending, but with a pit stop to Tattoine (Was pretty cool, but I feel didn't really seem to fit into the ride's story. C-3PO basically enters us into a pod race where we encounter a bufferer; I think that's what he called him; and get stuck to someone's thrusters, giving us enough boost to win the race), and we received a new transmission from Leia (WHICH WAS AWESOME!!!! It was funny to see C-3PO's awed reaction to her. After this R2 says that he's going to follow the co-ordinates that she sent him and C-3PO complains saying: We will do no such thing but R2 takes over snd sends us to the co-ordinates nontheless).

So, overall I think that Star Tours 2 is a VAST improvement over Star Tours. the 3-D doesn't feel gimmicky at all and gives the whole experience a YOU-ARE-THERE vibe.. not to mention I felt like a bad-ass with those shades on. The queue has basically been re-themed and it feels really nice to travel thru it. The ride itself is something else....All I could say once I got off was: WOOOOOOOW. All-In-All Star Tours 2 is not only a superior ( and smooth, the movements of the sim fit the screen PERFECTLY) simulator experience, it's also one of the best rides in the park.

So next time you're in Disney Hollywood Studios be sure to book a flight with Star Tours, you won't regret it!!

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN ON STRANGER TIDES IS THE BEST OF THE PIRATE SEQUELS

2011-05-20T19:04:00.000-07:00

After a good four year absence from the big screen Jack Sparrow sails back into theaters for the fourth installment of the Pirates franchise, Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.

On Stranger Tides takes the Franchise back to its roots (more or less) for another tale involving the supernatural. It is a strange film indeed, but an entertaining one (especially in 3-D, but more on that later) that manages to hold viewers attention for the duration of its running time.

The story this time around is more character centric than what some may be used to. Jack Sparrow inadvertently bumbles his way onto the Queen Annes Revenge where he gets tangled up in a quest for the Fountain of Youth which involves his lost love Angelica (played by Penelope Cruz) and the fearsome pirate Blackbeard. Back for the ride are Barbossa and Gibbs from the original trilogy.

The plot of On Stranger Tides is more-or-less thrown together out of ideas and good intentions. It never really sticks out as anything special, and I must say it was difficult for me to write the main plot synopsis because the plot is mainly made up of sub-plots and alternate stories. There's the story of Jack and Angelica; a lover whom he scorned and surprisingly feels bad about wronging and actually loves, there's the story of Blackbeard and The Fountain, there's the story of Blackbeard and the prophecy, there's the story of Blackbeard and Angelica, there's the story of Barbossa and Blackbeard, there's the story of Jack and The Black Pearl, and there's the obligatory love story of a missionary and a mermiad.

The main plot thread actually does not involve the fountain of youth, but focuses mainly on Jack trying to right the wrongs he committed to Natalie, his attempts to deal with his conflicting emotions about her (as Jack himself says several times throughout the film: Natalie is a very bad person), and his attempts to keep her safe from harm throughout the film. It's a very interesting character change for Sparrow. He goes from being a man that only cares about himself to one that is able to care about others, and it's pretty darned cool to watch as this happens.

On Stranger Tides not only has some pretty tangled plot threads, but it also has a pretty damned cool villain in the guise of Blackbeard. A dirty, foul pirate who's heart is as black as his boots. Pretty much every character has his or her reasons for wanting to find the Fountain (Jack- Because he fancies the idea of eternal youth, Angelica- For the fame and money etc etc etc) and Blackbeard is no different. In the film there is a pretty nasty prophecy floating around involving Blackbeard and his demise. Now, Blackbeard seems to enjoy doing nasty, evil things and has no plans to stop doing so anytime soon, which is why he is hellbent on finding the fountain. He is not afraid to shoot, maim, kill, or seriously burn anyone who disobeys him, questions his authority, or gets in the way of him and his much sought after prize. He is a crazed madman with absolutely no redeeming qualities to him whatsoever, and that's why I love him so. He's sadistically,unapologetically evil, he knows this, isn't afraid to admit it, and won't apologize for his actions. He's; quite simply; great... brought to all too terrifying life by the great actor Ian McShane.

It's also quite fun to watch as Captain Jack goes about trying to somewhat control Blackbeard's actions throughout the film and watch Jack's reactions as his plans continually backfire, with sometimes disastrous harm to those around him. As much as he tries to make himself out to be a selfish, careless pirate, Captain jack is actually much more human...a fact that is more obvious than it has been before and that that he hates to be reminded of. There are points in On Stranger Tides where Jack's actions are meant to protect and save others, which is very cool considering he IS a pirate after all.

The character of Angelica is also great in just about every way. She is a pretty complicated character: equal parts selfish, greedy and self-centered but also caring, sympathetic and selfless. Like all human beings she is filled with contradictions. When around Jack she knows how to lay on the sexuality and charm to turn him to jello. She promises him a slot as her partner once they find the Fountain of Youth, a prospect that Jack is quite excited about. At the same time though, Jack is fully aware that she is a selfish, greedy, all-around BAD human being. While at times Jack appears to have fallen under her spell, he still manages to stay in control of the situation no matter how hot or tempting she may get. Her first scene where her bosom pops out into the theater (You gotta love the 3-D) she firmly establishes herself as a memorable heroine/villain in the film.

Barbossa is back as well in this film, although he is missing a piece or two (You''ll see what I mean). In this film he is working for the British Government as a Privateer that is also in the race to find the Fountain of Youth. It feels good to have Brbossa back in this film, and the scenes he shares with Jack are memorable and funny, exactly as they should be. Can I just say that Sparrow and Barbossa really are one of the best screen duos I've seen in a while.

Also back is Joshamee Gibbs. Here he falls in with Barbossa's crew and helps both Barbossa and Jack achieve what they are looking for. He shares some funny and entertaining scenes with Sparrow as well. His and Sparrows relationship is that of buddy/buddy and Dog/Owner...it really is quite amusing.

Now, like all other Pirates films ,On Stranger Tides has a love story thrown in. A young missionary named Philip (Sam Claflin) finds himself falling for a mermaid he names Syrena (Astrid Berges-Frisbey) that Blackbeard's crew needs in order to get the waters of the Fountain of Youth to do their magic "eternal youth" thing. This is by far the weakest part of the film, and the filmmakers could have thrown out this plotline altogether and the film would have been much better for it. Philip and Syrena make sad-eyes at each other throughout the film, to a point where I wanted to vomit. In fact, Philip barely serves any purpose at all in the film. He continually begs with Blackbeard to show mercy and kindness to others, but we already know that it's a worthless cause...people like Blackbeard can't and don't deserve to be saved. He is an annoying, whining little snot.

One of the more interesting aspects of the film (even though it does lead into the god-awful romance portion) is the characters of the mermaids. These beautiful, tempting, half-naked creatures sing lullabyes and sweet nothings to sailors to lull them into a false sense of security and then they drag them from their ships, pull them to the bottom of the ocean and eat them alive. They are truly the monsters of the sea, mesmerizingly beautiful but deadly. Syrena is the main mermaid of the film, and quite possibly the youngest one of the bunch (most likely in her early 20s). Throughout most of the film the question is raised if she is different from her deadly sisters, but sadly we never get a satisfying answer to this.

On Stranger Tides was shot in 3-D and is the first Pirates film to do so. The backgrounds, settings, and fight scenes all look so good in 3D I have to create my own word to describe them. FanMazing (a mix of Fantastic and Amazing). They look Fanmazing (Copyright pending) in 3-D. While there are portions where objects jut out of the screens and things go flying out into the theater (It's worth the price alone for the super cool 3-D effect involving Blackbeard at the end of the film...I almost crapped my pants), for the most part the 3-D is used to add an extra dimension of depth to the proceedings and to create a YOU-ARE-THERE feeling to the film. It's one of the few times where the 3-D is not a waste of money and actually adds something meaningful and worthwhile to the film. So, go ahead and fook out the extra few bucks to see this baby in 3-D, trust me, you won't regret it.

On Stranger Tides is the best out of the Pirate sequels. It doesn't feel like a blatant cash grab like Dead Mans Chest (I did love Dead Mans Chest, but it doesn't feel like a complete film due to its cliffhanger ending, and having the main focus be on Sparrow, while entertaining, just didn't feel right), and it's MOUNDS better than it's god-awful predecessor At Worlds End.

Overall, while it's plot may be a bit muddied (let's be honest....no one goes to these films for the plot, they go for Jack ), On Stranger Tides still manges to bring the franchise back to its roots and is more of a stand alone film than the other sequels. It feels good to have Jack back as more of a secondary character that is more-or-less just tagging along for the ride. Fun, silly, and jaw-dropping in all the right ways; On Stranger Tides recaptures the spirit of Black Pearl while managing to stand on its own two sea legs as it's own film. It's a pretty decent sized success that is the first great film to emerge from the movie offerings of this summer.

4/5 Stars- FULL PRICE

THAT RABBIT'S DYNAMITE: BEETLE'S REVIEW OF HOP

2011-04-05T05:55:00.000-07:00

Right in time for the Easter season, Hop hops into theaters to fill that empty void created by the lack of Easter films found in cinemas today. While it is by no means a "great" film Hop still manages to accomplish what it set out to do, which was to essentially create a fun, enjoyable family film that celebrates the joys of Easter (mainly the wondrous joys of eating candy).

Hop is the story of EB (voiced with an undeniable charm by Russel Brand), the son of The Easter Bunny (Voiced by Hugh Laurie). He lives on Easter Island in a huge candy factory with his dad, some bunnies and a workforce of cute chicks (as in the fowl variety, not the girl variety) led by Carlos (Voiced by Hank Azaria), the main chick in charge of operations who dreams of becoming the Easter Bunny. Among the cute chicks one stands out, an over enthusiastic one named Phil (also voiced by Hank Azaria) that has a passion for music and dancing (he was one of my favorite characters). EB is the next in line to become the new Easter Bunny, a fate he is not too thrilled about. You see, EB's passion is drumming, and he's SUPER good at it and thus has bigger plans for his life that include more than just hopping around the world one night and delivering Easter baskets. On the eve of his coronation as the new Easter Bunny, EB flees Easter Island and travels to Hollywood to achieve his dream of becoming an all star drummer. Shortly after arriving though, his face has a nasty run in with the front of a car being driven by aimless slacker Fred O'Hare (James Marsden). After several hi-jinx he decides to help EB achieve his dream (if no other reason that it will get EB out of his life) and together they form an unlikely duo.

Russel Brand is great as the cute little bunny that effectively turns Fred's life upside down. He voices the character of EB with a good dose of charm, mischievousness, and innocence. James Marsden also does a good job with the character of Fred O'Hare. While he isn;t exactly sympathetic (I actually took the dads side, this dude needs to get his act together) he's still easy to root for and is a joy to watch on the big screen. His on-screen interactions with EB are believable and fun to watch (I'm a big fan of humans interacting with animated characters so I'm a tad bit biased), Marsden's reactions ranging from exasperation to anger to annoyed acceptance of his new unwelcome guest. At first Fred thinks he's finally cracked when he runs into the talking bunny, and he panics but as the days move on and the bunny fails to dissapear he grows to accept the fact that EB may indeed be real and not a figment of his imagination. Their antics together include EB creating mayhem during a job interview, performing for the Hoff, and evading the Pink Berets (The Easter Bunny's special guard who have been shipped out to find EB and bring him home).

While overall the film is cute and cuddly, there are some parts that detract from the overall experience. For one, the Hoff was not enjoyable at all in the film. I think they could have found another big name actor to throw in here that would not have acted like fingernails on a chalkboard. here he not only acts as a talent scout, he also doubles as a dispenser of wisdom near the end of the film (Please kill me). Another confusing thing in the film is that for a good while Fred tries to hide the fact that EB can talk (there is a clever ventriloquist scene that comes out of this), but eventually he gives up on this task. What's even more confusing is that no one seems startled to find a talking rabbit. Most's reactions to EB is essentially a shrug of their shoulders....it doesn't really make sense but if you spend too much time thinking about it you'll just get angry, so roll with it. Carlos as the films villain is sadly underdeveloped, and is given little screen time and the whole "WE'VE GOT TO SAVE EASTER" plot was met by myself with a shrug of my shoulders. Since I'm 20, Easter doesn't really excite me like it used to when I was younger, so the Easter elements didn't really do much for me. It was nice to have them in the film, but I'm just not a huge Easter fan (I must admit, I do enjoy the endless amount of candy consumed on that day though). Another problem with the film is that it kinda lags during it's second half when Fred and EB are together for most of the time. The hijinx helped to fill the gap and gave the film the feeling of an old school Warner Bros. cartoon, but for most of this part not much was really going on in the film.

The CGI found in the film is pretty superb. The candy factory where EB lives is fantastic and sure to drop any kids jaw. EB himself is absolutely adorable, even though he has a few human qualities he still acts like a rabbit should most of the time (Sniffing in new environments, etc). The human actors also do a good job here as well, and honestly I don't think the film would have the same spirit if they chose to make it purely CGI. I always welcome new CGI/Live Action films and Hop is no exception. It follows in the footprints of its predecessors while at the same time trying to learn from their mistakes (and it does a pretty damn good job). As a Human/CGI character buddy film I would put this above Looney Tunes Back In Action but below Who Framed Roger Rabbit, make of that what you will.

Hop also boasts a killer soundtrack that helps to make that film that much more enjoyable, with hits like I Want Candy, Dynamite, and The Anthem sprinkled throughout the film it's just about impossible not to enjoy the music selection found here (I even found myself staying after the credits to hear a short rendition of I Want Candy).

Hop tries to fill the gap left by the lack of any real enjoyable Easter films, and for the most part it succeeds. While there are a few bumps on the bunny trail, there's still enough to enjoy here that it's pretty hard not to be satisfied by Hop. There's really no reason to see the film in theaters if you're over the age of seven, so I'd say feel free to wait for it on DVD . Hop may not be the Easter classic it so badly wants to be, but it's still a damn good film nontheless.

3/5 Stars

BEETLE TAKES HIS DELORAN TO 88 MPH FOR HIS REVIEW OF TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

2011-03-08T11:29:00.000-08:00

Apparently the 80s is the decade that everyone pines for today, as can be evidenced by an ever growing amount of films that attempt to evoke the feel of an 80s film. There was Hot Tub Time Machine, Macgruber, and now Take Me Home Tonight.

The year is 1988. A young MIT grad, Matt Franklin (Topher Grace), is stuck working a dead end job at a mall video store when his high-school crush, Tori Frederking ( Teresa Palmer), unexpectedly walks back into his life. When asked where he works Matt panics and lies, telling her that he works for a high end investment company. This leads to Tori inviting Matt to a local party where he will have to upkeep his ruse if he is going to get with her. Along for the ride are Matts twin sister Wendy (Anna Faris), and Matts best friend Barry (Dan Fogler). Together, they rediscover who they are, what they want, and whats important to them on what will go down as the best night ever.

When the first trailer for this film came out I was fairly excited for it. I have always been a huge fan of the 80's. In terms of films and music the 80's was a pretty culturally important decade that gave birth to such hits as Back To The Future and Jessie's Girl to name a few. So a film that was trying to evoke the feel of an 80's movie was bound to gain my interest. The trailer promised us a wild ride set to some killer 80s tunes (although the song the film takes its title from was nowhere to be sampled in the film, what a waste). I can confidently say that this is one of the few trailers that does not lie to moviegoers, it keeps its promises (more-or-less) and is the first adult comedy that I can remember seeing this year.

The movie's focal point is Matt Franklin. He is a young MIT Grad who, afraid of making any commitment, decides to pick up a job at a local mall video store seeing it as the only "safe" option at the moment. He is afraid to assert himself and refuses to take any risks with his life, assuming that no matter what he does, his life is headed for tragedy. In short he is a scared, lonely little man (but aren't we all deep down inside). He is played by the always enjoyable and funny Topher Grace. He plays the role with his best "my life sucks" face on for most of the film. Some may find it annoying, I found it believable. His character has been presented with the problem of what to do after college, he is overwhelmed by all of the choices that are placed in front of him, unable to take the pressure he panics and shuts down. He definently is a wimp, but he's a sympathetic, believable one that's easy to root for.

Matt's best friend, Barry, is pretty much the opposite of Matt. He is unafraid to take risks, in fact, he takes too many risks. One day at his job at a car dealership, Barry takes a risk that does not pay off, loses control of his anger over the loss, and is fired. Spiraling down into a deep state of depression, he does what any 20-something year old would do: he drinks away his problems. He is played by Dan Fogler in all of his adolescent, coked-up joy. Dan does go overboard at times with his portrayal, thank god Topher Grace is usually around to bring him back down to Earth.

Matt's twin sister, Wendy, is in a committed relationship to her jock boyfriend who is dim witted and controlling. Wendy thinks she is happy in the relationship despite Matt's complaints that she needs to move on to something better. He knows she can do better with her life, but like Matt, she is afraid she won't be able to prove herself out there alone. Wendy is played by Anna Faris, and this is her first real subtle role. Like all the other characters in this film she does have her own laugh out loud moments, but for most of the film she is more behind the scenes. Only at the end do we really dive deeper into her character.

Tori Frederking, Matt's unattainable high school crush, has been trying to get a job at another investment company. Matt, afraid she won't give him the time of day if she knows the truth, lies that he works at a high-end investment company similar to the one she is trying to work at. Of course, his lie works and he is invited to a party she is attending later that night. Tori is played by the super-hot (even with all that horrible 80's fashion she wears) Teresa Palmer. Tori is the typical high school popular girl we see every day that each of us has crushed on at least once. Teresa Palmer perfectly embodies this character making us yearn for her while also sympathizing with her plight. She is so used to conforming to peoples beliefs about her that she has never found the time to be true to herself.

Joining the colorful cast of characters is Matt's father, Bill, a policeman. Out of everyone we follow in this film he is the most disappointed with Matt. It crushes him to see his son refuse to take any initiative and he has just about given up trying to help him along. He is played by Michael Biehn (most famous for his role of Kyle Reese in The Terminator). He is pretty asshole-ish at times, but he acts this way because he cares.

Take Me Home Tonight tries to be a raunchy comedy like last years' Hot Tub Time Machine, and while it definitely has some laugh out loud moments its still not as funny as other comedies of recent years. The film seems to be more interested in the adult issues it presents throughut the film, and surprisingly I'm ok with that. I love how the movie is truthful about how difficult life is after college, and I love how it creates believable real characters that have to go through these challenges.

Another one of Take Me Home Tonight's achievements is that it perfectly creates a great 80s party atmosphere throughout the film and succeeds in making us feel like we are attending said party. Included in the party we are attending is a great 80's dance-off, an impromptu fight, a bathroom hook-up, and some coke-addled nonsense. In short, it's everything a great party should be.

In fact, one of the weirdest things about Take Me Home Tonight, is it's not really made for people that would have lived through the 80s, it's actually more for the 20-somethings of today (like myself). It's another piece of the puzzle that doesn't quite make sense, but still....whatever, you know...I've given up trying to make sense of it.

Although there really was no need to set Take Me Home Tonight in 1988, I'll be damned if the film doesn't take advantage of the setting to the best of its ability by throwing in a few nods to classic 80's culture. While the setting doesn't really add or detract any from the story at hand (which admittedly, is pretty threadbare) it does give the film somewhat of a nostalgic vibe. For me, any film that attempts to evoke the feel of a classic 80's comedy automatically gets a thumbs up.

Take Me Home Tonight somewhat follows the example of Hot Tub Time Machine. It's an adult comedy that tackles some pretty adult issues and also has a good dose of heart to boot. Don't let critics scare you away from what is sure to be one of the better comedies this year. Accept the invitation to one of the wildest parties I've ever been to, trust me, you won't regret it.

3.5/5 Stars

Be sure to keep an eye out for Michelle Trachtenberg as the hot goth girl at the party

BEETLE RANT: KIDS IN MOVIETHEATRES + RANGO REVIEW (UPDATED 7/30/11)

2011-03-06T06:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to see a truly different animated films, believe me when I say it's nothing like you've ever seen before. It's a western thats animated. It's a western where the animals are the main characters. It's a western about the decline of the west and how people in those times that couldn't adapt were left behind. Quite simply, it's definently going to be on the slate for best animated film of the year. What film am I talking about? RANGO.

Now I came up with all this in retrospection, my reaction after coming out of the film was quite a different one. I was annoyed, angry, and tired. WHY??? Because, you see, Rango is being advertised as a kids film/family film. Now what does that mean, you may ask?? Well that means that a normally quiet theatre is invaded by loud, rambunctious children. Children were running up and down the aisles, kids could be heard laughing their tiny heads off at some of the more serious moments in the film (because Rango made a funny face, or walked a little funny, or said something that kids thought was funny). I had the misfortune of sitting in front of three of said kids. Of course, my reaction to the film was somewhat tainted by these little monsters, but I'll get to that later.

First, let us address the issue of Rango as a kids film. Is it even a kids film? Well let's see: It's got mature themes, a pretty adult story, it's a western, it's got a menacing rattlesnake, and it deals with some pretty serious issues about dehydration, authority, and the need to believe in something. Does all this sound like something a five year old could fully appreciate? Rango is either the greatest kids movie in the history of film, or it's not a kids movie....PERIOD. That's right, despite it's cutesy trailers and Nickelodeon's producing it (Thumbs up to them by the way, They took a real risk with this film and it paid off. It's always great to see Nickelodeon stepping it up and allowing a pretty adult film to associate itself with their studio) Rango is NOT a kids film. Imagine that, an animated film that's not geared mainly at kids, how revolutionary is that idea??!! I look forward to a future where animated films can be made for 20-somethings and over and are not marketed at kids out of fear of stepping out of the norm these days and doing something different.For all of the risks the film takes and out of all the things that it decides to do differently, the one thing that would have really impressed me it failed to do...and that was market itself to its real demographic...Adults (and older teens to a certain extent). For some strange reason someone decided that Rango was a kids film/family film and was marketed as such (If they had actually taken time to watch the damned film they would have seen that it was a weird, surreal western and not kiddie fare). It also doesn't help that most parents see the PG rating and automatically assume the film is for kids. Either way, because of stupid parents and dumb marketing decisions kids flocked in droves like a bunch of angry, loud seagulls to Rango which brings us to my experience.

Let me start out by stating that this is not the first time this has happened to me. It's also occurred in films like Coraline, Gnomeo and Juliet, Beowulf, etc but to be fair these films (with the exception of Beowulf) were actually kids films. My experiences in these films were also not as severe as my experience in Rango was, as in that the kids did not directly distract me from the film itself. In Rango the three little monsters behind were talking from the minute they sat down to the minute they left the theatre. Now this in itself would not be enough to truly bother me, but these kids took the extra step. They would occasionally pummel the back of my seat with their feet, it was almost like they were trying to push me to my breaking point. It took all my self control for me not to turn around and scream at those little brats. As you can imagine, this easily took me out of the movie and distracted me from what was going on on screen. This is why I wish I had waited for Rango on DVD, where I could watch it in the quiet of my room. (As of 7/30/11 I finally had the opportunity to sit down in the comfort of my own home and watch Rango on my blu-ray player. Let me say it really is a magnificent, superb film that is required viewing for any adult. The animation is stunning, the character design is inspired and delightfully wacky, the story respects the western while also lightly satirizing it. Not to mention the main character of Rango is wonderfully unique. He is a wanna-be thespian that lives in his own secluded world, he is a lonely creature that doesn't realize how lonely he actually is until he is thrust out of his glass box. Once outside he goes through an identity crisis that lasts pretty much throughout the whole film. While Rango does have a few jokes that are aimed at kids, and while I do believe that kids could definitely enjoy it, that doesn't change the fact that a good 90 % of the film has references, themes, and jokes that will soar high above the little ones heads. by all means, watch it with your kids, explain it to them, maybe it will make them more well cultured, but that doesn't change the fact that Rango really is not a kids film in the end. I must say this is probably the best animated film I have ever senn, no joke,. If Rango does not win the best animated film of the year then I have officially lost all hope in the Oscars. 5/5 stars- Better than Sex)

Why do parents insist on bringing their kids with them to every film that is PG-13 and under? Are they too lazy to hire a babysitter for the night??? It's the same deal with TV censorship. Parents complain about content shown on TV, well guess what??? Maybe if you spent time monitoring what your kids are watching they wouldn't be exposed to all that nasty stuff that you complain about. I find it funny they complain about bad stuff on Tv and then whisk their kids out to see an R rated movie like Take Me Home Tonight( that's right, there were several 7-10 year olds in the audience to that film...and those kids were laughing at stuff that wasn't even funny). So the bottom line here is that parents need to be more active in their kids lives and actually think before they take them to a movie or let them watch a certain show. Don't blame the kids, blame who brought them to the theatre.

LET ME IN

2011-02-10T21:39:00.000-08:00

Why does America feel the need to keep creating remakes of films that just don't need one?

I find it interesting that in my review of Let The Right One In, I comment that we live in a Hollywood that thrives on remakes. Everytime America sees a successful film, it feels the need to Americanize it. Let The Right One In was a sweet, different little foreign film that was a breath of fresh air and revitilized the vampire genre, bringing it back to its roots while introducing a sympathetic monster. America couldn't leave well enough alone and thus a remake of Let The Right One In was made for American audiences, this time named Let Me In.

Let Me In is the same story as Let The Right One In, except it takes place in America and the two main characters names have been americanized. In Let Me In we follow Owen (Kodi Smit-Mcphee) and Abby (Chloe Grace Moretz), two outcast 12 year olds that each have problems and issues of their own. Owen is dealing with some bully issues while Abby is dealing with some decidedly more serious issues, mainly that she is a vampire. Over the course of the film they meet and inevitably fall in love, leading to a dark romance.

The American remake differs from the original classic in several ways. First off, the biggest change would have to be that the film is set in the 80's. This gives the film somewhat of a retro feel. This doesn't add or subtract anything from the film in general, it's an unnecessary touch but a neat and welcome one nonetheless. The film also is more blunt about several things that the original was more subtle with, for instance the relationship between Abby and her adult guardian. The original was more subtle with the idea that the adult is Abby's lover. It gave you some hints and such, but never fully gave us any answers instead allowing us to draw our own conclusions. In the American remake, barely any time is spent on their relationship, no real hints are given (even though any intelligent human being should be able to assume things) and instead the film just drops the truth on the viewer well into the third act.

In fact, one of the things I liked about Let Me In is the time it spends focusing on the character of the adult guardian (Richard Jenkins). In the original you got a sense that he was reluctant, but in the remake it's more obvious that he has grown tired of guarding Abby and does not enjoy killing innocent people so Abby can drink their blood. He is on the verge of calling it all off and is disillusioned with the path he chose to go down with Abby. Even though he is given minimal screen time he is still one of the most intriguing characters to burst onto the American screen in quite a while.

Another welcome change is a new character in the form of a detective/policeman, played by the always superb Elias Koteas. You would assume he is suppossed to be a villain since he represents a force that would like to stop Abby but in reality he is just a befuddled, confused man who is attempting to make sense of the chaos that Abby has created (In fact, he has no idea that Abby is responsible and when he finally lays eyes on her appears to want to help her). He is a wonderfully tragic character that brings some more depth to the film.

Out of all the things the film does right, the thing it excels the best at is the character of Owen. For a film that gets several things wrong (I'll get to that later) it's a relief to see them get this part right. Kodi Smit-Mcphee is one of the better child actors out there, and manages the amazing feat of out acting Moretz in this film. He hits all the right notes with the audience as we follow his journey throughout the film.

With the Right out of the way, let's get onto the Wrong. Let's start out with the biggest sin the film commits: It fails to create a sympathetic monster in Abby. In the original she was a scared, lonely little girl that is terrified of what she has become and has to regularly resist the urge to feast on Oskar's blood (In the remake, her struggle to resist her thirst is reduced to one scene). In Let Me In, she is essentially an adult trapped in a kids body and seems indifferent to the murders she has committed. She is more intense and violent than Eli was and does not appear to regret the murders she has caused. She does not carry the same air of innocence or terror that the original's Eli had and fails to come across as sympathetic. The film aims to create a sympathetic monster but instead just creates a monster that we kind of care about, but not to the point where we feel compelled to root for her. Another addition to Let Me In are some fairly weak CGI effects that are used when Abby vamps out. The effects are obviously CGI, and only make the scenes feel more silly when that's the opposite of what the film needs. I was super disappointed with the character of Abby, she is the core of the film yet Let Me In fails in just about every way with her character.

Another thing the film does wrong is the pace of the film. Let The Right One In had a slower, more deliberate pace that slowly carved away at the viewer, having the effect of what is essentially a slow burn. Let Me In, on the other hand, quickens the pace a little bit and thus changes some of the tone of the film. The feel the film gives off is similar yet different to the one Let The Right One In had. It still feels sad, but the sadness and hopelessness doesn't cut into the viewer like it should.

People say the film is best enjoyed if you don't go in trying to compare it to Let The Right One In, and their right. Unfortunately, this is a remake so it's difficult not to compare it to it's superior source material, and when inevitably you do, it makes it all the harder to fully embrace this film. In the end Let Me In is not only a remake, it's an unnecessary one. Why remake a film if the original was already perfect. There was no possible way to top it, so Let Me In seems content with being the inevitable second dog. While as a remake it is fairly disappointing, as an American horror film it is one of the more different ones that can be sampled today and manages, despite it's numerous short comings, to stay true to the original vampire mythology and in a world gone mad with Twilight I suppose that's the most important thing this film does. In the end Let Me In, despite my complaints, is actually better than most Hollywood remakes these days (would you expect anything less from the director of Cloverfield?) and because it differs from the original in several key ways (Setting, Pace,etc) manages to emerge as its own film.

3/5 Stars

Likes- Change of setting, Change of time period, Elias Koteas, Owen, Adult Guardian, great soundtrack, car crash scene, Abby victim hospital scene

Dislikes- Abby, Pace of film, bullies, Abby victim hospital scene, CGI Vamp scenes, Adults seem totally clueless

THE RITE

2011-02-01T21:47:00.000-08:00

The Exorcism genre is a flat, boring one. Occasionally you get a good, engaging one that grabs your attention and raises some truly troubling questions....and then there are times when you get this piece of crap.

The Rite is about priest in training Michael Kovak (Colin O'Donoghue) who is reluctant to accept the notion of God and Satan. He is sent to Father Lucas Trevant (Anthony Hopkins), an exorcist, in the hopes that Michael will be scared straight.

The Rite's 2 main leads are fairly convincing and both do pretty great performances here, if only the story of the film weren't so damn stupid. The first part of the film is fairly engaging and interesting as we get some backstory for Michael, but once we reach the 2nd quarter or so of the film it begins to fall apart before our eyes. Michael has to help Father Lucas Exorcise a pregnant possessed girl named Rosaria (Marta Gastini). For me, her possession scenes were the first time when I got a very bad vibe from this film. Compared to other exorcist films, the scenes here were tired, flat and failed to be scary. Marta is a terrible actress and goes over the top with her performace here. She's almost to the level of Looney Toons here with how much she overacts her slim role.

As the film progresses it continues to worsen until it becomes almost unbearably bad during what I suppose the film considers an "epic" climax (HA!!! Don't make me laugh). I'm sure most of you have seen the trailers so you know that Father Lucas gets possessed himself, but that isn't the main focal point of the film. Instead the film mainly focuses on Michael and never touches upon Father Lucas' possession until we are well into the 3rd act. The final scene where Michael has to face off against a possessed Lucas left me itching to get up and leave the theatre (the film almost beat me). Hopkins character becomes a 3rd rate monster that fails to scare or even intimidate, the CGI work viewed here doesn't help either (was it just me or was Hopkins turning into Kermit the Frog).

True, Hopkins and O'Donoghue do try to act their hearts out here, and for the most part they succeed. unfortunately the script is super-lame and; as I already mentioned; the story is stupid and cliched. When the stakes are inevitably raised we should care and want to see if Michael has what it takes to take on the demon...but instead we are left groaning in agony as every audience member checks their watches to see how much longer we have left.

In the end, The Rite is a film that doesn't even attempt to make an effort to be interesting or good in any way, instead choosing to fall back on the oldest, most tired cliches seen in just about every Exorcism film. Skip this one, and instead choose to re-watch The Last Exorcism.

1/5 SOME OLE BULLSHIT

RETRO REVIEW: FIRED UP

2011-01-12T21:52:00.000-08:00

"You gotta risk it to get the biscuit"

Fired Up follows Shawn and Nick; two high school football stars that decide to ditch out on their usual football summer camp and instead enlist in a summer cheerleading camp where they attempt to hook up with every female there.

Fired Up is NOT a cheer leading film. It's NOT Bring It On nor does it resemble a film like that in any way, shape, or form. True, it does throw in a few cheer antics for the female demographic but for most of the film our focus is on Nick and Shawn and, while it may veer off into rom-com territory near the end, for the most part it is a pure guy comedy.

From the beginning of the film, which focuses on our two would-be girl obsessed heroes as they escape from the fathers of some girls they were planning on banging, we are quickly introduced to what this film essentially is: A sex comedy. The film is about sex, guys' obsession with the act and with girls in general, and the lengths guys will go to get a piece of the action.

The main actors that portray Nick (Eric Christian Olsen) and Shawn (Nicholas D'Agosto) do a pretty bang up job. They are perfectly materialistic and shallow but also pretty smart (You'd have to be to get away with what these two do), making tons of wise-cracks and observations about the new world of women they find themselves in once they enter the camp. They don't bother to remember girls names that they meet and look at women as nothing but objects to be played with and then tossed away when something prettier and more desirable walks by. While some may be offended with the two main leads, I personally loved the hell out of them. Handled the wrong way they could come across as complete assholes, but here they are lovably cool and funny. They work great together and help to raise the film up to a higher level here.

The script itself is one of the stronger ones sampled in a comedy. It manages to be surprisingly smart with its material. Most of the jokes manage to emit a genuine laugh from me every time, not to mention the numerous one-liners are instant classics, like the one seen at the beginning of this review which shall forever be part of my vocabulary till the day I die.

The supporting characters are ok, the most memorable one being Poppy (Juliette Goglia); Shawn's younger sister that has the attitude of a whip-smart sarcastic adult. Her first scene she is in is absolutely hilarious and most of the lines she is given are just as funny as her first few. She's not given much screen time but manages to make a lasting impression.

One of the film's only weaker points is the story. While the initial plot is pretty clever, the twist of Nick falling in love with one of the cheer captains; Carly (Sarah Roemer); and having to compete with her douchey boyfriend; Dr. Rick (David Walton, an absolute thick-headed treat on the big screen); is not. There are some good humorous moments that come from Rick's character and his pompous brainlessness, but in the end Nick's falling in love hinders the film as it gives a chance for the two leads to realize that they are just as bad as Rick and to change their naughty ways (GAG ME... I personally prefer the two when they are shallow women loving jocks...but whatever).

In the end, Fired Up may have a few misfires along the way to its satisfying conclusion, but that doesn't detract from any of the comedy found within the film. Fired Up is a real guy film that also manages to be surprisingly smart at times, quite a treat if you ask me.

3/5 stars

BEETLE IS PLEASANTLY SURPRISED BY TANGLED

2011-01-06T13:14:00.000-08:00

Tangled is supposedly the last fairy tale film that Disney is going to make, and man, they really put this beloved tradition to rest in a beautiful way.

Tangled is the classic story of Rapunzel with a few twists. You can still find the girl with long golden hair that has been locked away in a tower by an evil witch, but in this re-telling her hair has magical healing powers that the witch uses to stay young forever. Also thrown in are a few new characters like loveable rogue Flynn Rider, the head horse of the royal guard named Maximus, and a cute chameleon named Pascal.

Tangled is by all means a "classic" Disney fairy tale, the last of its kind. For me, watching the film was almost like revisiting a part of my childhood that I thought had been long lost. True, the film is done with CGI, so there's one variation from the Fairy Tale tradition, but the way they use the CGI is phenomenal. The settings and backgrounds are beautifully realized, especially the floating lantern scene near the end. The character work is beautiful as well, for example: Rapunzel herself looks stunning when she is covered in water, her hair glistening and shimmering.

The main character of Rapunzel is absolutely beautiful to behold in every scene she is in. She's got a very soft face and a mesmerizing voice (performed by Mandy Moore) that really soars whenever she is speaking or singing. She's got an innocence about her but also has a feisty streak . Here is a girl that has never seen the light of day, and it's greatly affected who she is as a person. Her lone birthday wish is to get outside to see the lanterns that the king and queen release every year in remembrance of their lost daughter (ie: Rapunzel). She doesn't realize who she really is and the importance she carries with her until Flynn Rider (voiced by Zachary Levi) chooses her tower to hide in. She quickly gains the upper hand and is able to convince Rider to take her outside to see the lanterns, and that's where the real fun begins, but before I get into that let's quickly take a look at the other characters.

There's Flynn Rider, he's got a very Indiana Jones type vibe to him. He is a thief who's got an undeniable charm and confidence to him. There is never any doubt in his mind that he will get away with it all in the end, and he also carries the humorous belief that he is a real lady charmer. When he comes across Wanted posters of him he laments not that he is one step closer to being caught, but that they can't get his nose right. He is a real joy to watch in the film and makes for a superb contrast to Rapunzel's character. He is everything she isn't: he's very knowledgeable about the outside world and never doubts himself. When he first reluctantly agrees to take her on an adventure outside he tries several times to trick her into going back to the tower (and fails each time). He's one of those "I don't like teaming up" characters, and it's great fun to see his and rapunzel's interactions and how his character slowly, but surely begins to like Rapunzel.

Another charming character that easily steals every scene he's in is Maximus: The head horse of the Royal Guard. It is his personal mission to find Flynn Rider and bring him to justice by any means necessary, even if that means killing him. There are several scenes where Maximus tries to do exactly this by stomping on Flynns hands while he is hanging off a cliff, and by attempting to flood a canyon Flynn is in. There is also a humorous scene in which Maximus and Flynn face off with a sword and a frying pan. The film also constantly alludes to the fact that Maximus is smarter than all of the Royal Guard... a funny notion in and of itself. The film gains extra points by making Maximus a silent character, he never speaks a word but whinnys at times to display shock or anger. The interactions and feuds between Maximus and Rider are some of the best parts of the film for the comedic value they hold.

The film also boasts a memorable villain in the guise of Mother Gothel (voiced by Donna Murphy), the witch that has kept Rapunzel pent up in the tower for 18 long years (In the film Rapunzel is on the verge of her 18th birthday, thank you Disney, for giving us another hot princess that is basically of age). She shares an interesting bond with Rapunzel, at times seeming to genuinely care for her prisoner and at other times coming across as self-obsessed and sarcastic. She is filled with two-faced "compliments" and also has a great singing voice (nowhere near as beautiful as Rapunzel's though). Sure to remind most of Ursula (the sea-witch from The Little Mermaid), Gothel is yet another memorable character in the film.

The film IS a musical, and thats probably the only part that mildly annoyed me. Most of the songs are pretty good, but feel too poppy for their own good. Despite this, the songs are fairly memorable and entertaining, and the singing talent of Zachary Levi, Mandy Moore, and Donna Murphy are superb, so I can't really complain all that much about this. At least this marks another way that the film follows the Disney animated fairy-tale tradition and honestly, the film wouldn't feel right without music.

As I said before, the real fun begins once Rapunzel and Flynn Rider leave her sheltered home (her tower). Her reactions to what is essentially her first glimpse of the outside world are touching and believable. She rolls in the grass; running, playing and singing. She is well aware that this may be the only time she ever gets outside and she intends to savor every second of it. She has not seen much of the outside world, so she is filled with optimism and hope for it that affects most of the characters she runs into on her wild adventure (including a bunch of rowdy ruffians). Of course, putting a damper on the festivities is Gothel, who quickly grows enraged when she learns that her prize has run away for the day and gives chase after her.

The beginning of the film starts out with a surprisingly dark sentence that for the most part is unseen in most Disney animated films. It paints an overcast cloud over the proceedings. You never have any trouble enjoying the festivities, but are fully aware that a dark raincloud looms on the horizon. The ending that they chose for Tangled is one of the most beautiful, mature and perfect endings I've seen in a Disney film for a while (and I'm not just talking about the animated ones folks). The first part of the end is sad, heartbreaking, and perfectly shows the love that Flynn has for Rapunzel and the sacrifice he is willing to make to set her free while the 2nd part follows in the classic Disney tradition (ie: a happy ending).

With a mix of beautiful character development, stunning visuals, and a superb cast of voice actors it' pretty hard to find something wrong with this final entry in the Classic Disney musical fairy-tale tradition. It's certainly one of the better ones to be released of late (certainly better than last years attempt: Princess and the Frog). In the end, Tangled manages to hit all the right notes, sending this beloved tradition out in a beautiful and memorable way.

5/5 BETTER THAN SEX!!

Easily the best animated film of 2010