X-MAS REVIEW:BEETLE GETS LOST IN HOME ALONE 2

Hey there Beetle-heads!!!

Since there's only one more day till X-MAS I've decided that from now on I'm only going to post reviews of X-MAS films. Today, I start out with HOME ALONE 2: LOST IN NEW YORK.

Kevin Mcallister is back, and this time he's not home alone, but alone in one of the biggest cities on Earth: NYC. His family has decided to spend X-mas Vacation down in Miami, a prospect that little Kevin is not too happy about. So when he mistakingly boards the wrong plane and winds up in NYC, he thinks his dreams have come true. Unfortunately, The Wet Bandits from the first film are loose in NYC as well and when these 3 people are stuck together in one big city, trouble is bound to follow.

Home Alone 2 builds on the tradition of the first film, but makes the wise decision of sticking Kevin in a new, bigger, more dangerous environment and giving him the tools to survive in it.

The film's first half or so starts out slow, but once Kevin makes it to NYC the fun begins. We get to see Kevin bamboozle a high-end hotel and its incompetent staff, make friends with a pigeon lady in Central park, and have numerous run ins with the Wet Bandits. It's all great fun to watch, but like the first film this one also is injected with several creepy scenes that add to the overall atmosphere.

The Wet Bandits were one of my favorite things about the first film and it feels good to see them back in action in this one. In Home Alone 2 The Bandits are trying to move up in the world. Their plan is to rob a big Toy Store on Christmas Eve, but there's a slight twist that raises the stakes higher than they were in the first film.


Overall Home alone 2 is a great film that has always been one of my X-Mas Favorites. It's filled with fun, humor, creepiness, and a few good lessons about love and family. It has everything that a good X-mas film needs to succeed, and it succeeds brilliantly.

4 Stars/5 stars

BEETLE FINDS AN ONLINE SHORT: SANTA INTERROGATED

Hey there Beetleheads! It's your Ghost host with the most-most here: BEETLEJUICE. Today I come bearing an early X-Mas Present for all you fans out there. It's a special Holiday Short that I found onlune. (O.K., so technically its a mash-up, but WHO CARES??)

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp19qiash2U&feature=player_embedded

Yep, if this doesn't get you into the Holiday mood I don't know what will...except, maybe this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qxBXm7ZUTM

BEETLE'S BUG JUICE: DARTH VADER+ SALVATION ARMY= DEATH???

That's right folks, you read that header correctly. Darth Vader HAS been sighted helping the Salvation Army collect their yearly christmas Donations. Normally I would be tempted to contact the closest local unit of the Rebel Alliance, but seeing that he's ACTUALLY DOING GOOD I'm willing to let bygones be bygones and let this one slide. If, however, I find that he's begun building a 2nd death star...then it's WAR!!!

For the full story here's the link: http://www.connectmidmissouri.com/news/story.aspx?id=383192

Till then I'm Beetlejuice and you've just been bugged.

Beetle is sadly dissapointed by a Christmas Carol

2009 has quickly become the year of "Could,Woulda,Shoulda". So many films that could have been masterpieces were lowered down to the ranks of acceptable "safe" fare. Unfortunately, A Christmas Carol is one of those films.

I am a huge fan of The story 'A Christmas Carol' and when Robert Zemeckis announced that he would be creating a more faithful version I was enticed. Unfortunately, there was one thing that Robert Zemeckis overlooked; a more faithful version would mean a more frightening version as well, thus the target audience would be reduced. Rob was stuck with a hard decision: Does he go all the way with his new version and thus exclude the kiddie demographic, or does he try to please everyone and lighten the mood in some of the scarier scenes? He made the wrong decision, folks.

The mood of the film is refreshingly dark for most of the film, but Rob never really gives us time to enjoy it. Instead, afraid that he will lose his kid part of the audience, Rob constantly throws movie-killing bits of humor into the dark, scary scenes that both throw off the mood and take away from the story. The humor found in A Christmas Carol feels misplaced and contrived. The humor sadly distracts from the overall quality of the film.

Another problem with the film is the 3-D effects. They're dazzling...maybe TOO dazzling. This is both a good thing...and a VERY bad thing. There are moments where the movie will just stop for a few minutes to show off how cool its 3-D is. Yes, the 3-D is pretty damned cool and they really are a sight to behold on the big screen. You feel like you're zooming along with Scrooge on his journey...it's amazing, but by stopping the film to show us this, it detracts from the story and throws off the pacing of the film. The 3-D feels extremely gimmicky and sticks out from the rest of the film...almost to the point where I'd say see it in 2-D instead.

The film's got a great cast of actors in it, but they are never used to their full potential. Gary Oldman plays the parts of Marley and Bob Cratchit, but sadly is never really given a chance to shine. Most of the scenes featuring him are rushed through for some unexplained reason, as are the scenes featuring most of the other supporting actors including Bob Hoskins, who plays the energetic Fezziwig. Hoskins plays Fezziwig brilliantly and reads his two or three lines with great passion, but is just another small blip on the supporting character radar. It's always sad when a film doesn't take full potential of it's many talented actors.

The only actor that the film thinks really counts is Jim Carrey as Scrooge. He also voices and performs the roles of the Ghosts of Past, Present, and Future. Jim Carrey is usually a phenomenal actor that acts his roles out with great enthusiasm, but in the role of Scrooge he seems a bit off. He does a pretty good Scrooge, but was missing something; I think he was confused if he should play the role seriously or humorously. He constantly switches back and forth from serious to humorous back to serious, to the point where the character itself feels off.

One of the things that the film did well that previous films failed to do was to really make you care for Scrooge and his redemption. It has been the only film to really make me realize that Scrooge is having the ultimate bad days of bad days. Scrooge gets pretty beat up in this one, at times it seems a bit much in fact (The flying over the city then proceeding to fall to his almost death, the chase scene with the Future Ghost, and then the grave scene at the end). His jovial dance when he realizes that he is still alive is really a sight to behold: Scrooge is so thin and weak that I began to think all his excitement at being alive would give him a heart attck.

Robert Zemeckis tried to make a faithful adaptation of everyone's favorite Christmas fable, and he almost did. It is more faithful than most other versions we have seen before, and it felt really cool to view new material from the book that we haven't seen before,but unfortunately he cared more about showboating the new 3-D effects and pandering to everyone than he did about the overall quality of the film. Did I enjoy it? I guess I did, but by making the film more family-friendly he really turned away from the film itself.

A Christmas Carol is an uneven mixture of Humor, heart, and darkness that gives the overall film a weird, off-beat feel. Despite most of its flaws it adds up to a pretty enjoyable, albiet uneven, christmas film,



3 Stars/5 Stars

Beetle Joins the ranks of GI JOE: The Rise of Cobra

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is a fast, action-packed, cheesy , silly romp through a "Not so distant future". In other words, It's nothing special. If watched with the brain in the on position then most will likely be quite angered with the film's stupidity. It's one of those films that's best watched with you're brain turned off. It will drive you crazy if you try to rationalize and make sense of every ridiculous detail in this film...it's almost damned near impossible.

GI: Joe follows the adventures of a special military unit that's job is to save the world from deadly threats...mainly a terrorist organization named Cobra (although Cobra is not officially formed until the very end of the film). Most of the film is spent following GI:Joe as they race around the world trying to gain possession of nanomite filled warheads with the capacity to destroy civilization that have fallen into the wrong hands.

For the first 10 minutes of the film I couldn't figure out where critics had come up with the claims that the film was silly...then the next 5 minutes played and I figured it out. I then promptly switched my brain into off mode and sat back into my couch, enjoying every mind-numbing second of this film...it's almost like a really bad acid trip. It's fantastic to watch, but hurts at times as well.

The main thing that makes the film work is that the film knows what it is. Stephen Sommers wasn't looking to make a serious film...he knew that the script wasn't that great (BAAAAD one-liners) and decided to make lemonade out of lemons and just make a fun film instead, a very wise choice. Not only does Sommers realize what the film is, so do the actors. Instead of acting their hearts out they have fun with the roles and do the best they can with the material they are given. The result is a fun, action-packed if not totally ridiculous and unbelievable film.

And speaking of actors, the only thing that really kept distracting me from the film was the prescence of Marlon Wayans. Yup, they cast THE Marlon Wayans as Ripchord. I don't know what went through their minds when they made that casting descision, but whatever it was it couldn't have been good. It confused me to see him back acting again in a REAL film. He plays kind of a bad-ass, but almost every one of his lines seems funny and out of place, but I geuss thats what you get when you cast a B grade actor.

GI: Joe could have been an utter disaster and a total mess on the big screen. However, if you agree to buy into the ridiculous concepts and turn off your brains then you will most likely enjoy this fun little film.

3 Stars/ 5 stars

Beetle counts down the reasons why The Twilight Series SUCKS

What do we get when we mix teen drama, emo acting, Dark colors, crappy special effects, and a total disregard for the vampire mythology??

We get TWILIGHT.

I'm well aware that this review will probably get me in quite a bit of hot water with all the rabid fan girls...but i honestly couldn't care less about what they think. Their the retards that are making this stupid, shitty series (Both book and movie) lots of money. Their opinion doesn't matter.

We all know the general story by now. Regular city girl moves to small "middle of nowhere" town and meets wierd emo troubled boy that ends up being a vampire. They fall in love, BLAH BLAH FRIGGITY BLAH.

With that out of the way lets delve into all the problems with the film AND the books. By the time I'm done with this review Twilight and its fans will never be the same again.

1.The Story

The story doesn't make sense. In what world would a chick get turned on by a creepy emo kid stalking her?? In the real world the kid would get a face full of mace. (There's one scene I wouldn't mind seeing in Twilight. Edward reacting to Bella emptying a can of mace in his face. He'd probably scream like a little bitch.) There's SOOO many things wrong with the story. Like Why Bella, obvioulsly a DUMB BITCh, when being repeatedly WARNED by Edward, would go try and save her mother, thus walking into what was a painfully obvious trap. Edward should not have fuckin wasted a second on saving that dumb bitch. OH, and that brings me yet to another scene that really stands out as PROOF that Twilight's story is BULLSHIT. The fake orgasm scene.

You heard me right, there is such a scene. Bella is bitten by one of the bad vamps and begins to moan,scream, and shake for all of us. It sounds and LOOKs like she's having an orgasm right there on the screen. HOW THE HELL WOULD THAT SCENE GET APPROVED BY ANYONE?? HOW DID ANYBODY NOT CATCH THAT?? It ends up being the only enjoyable part of the film because of just how ridiculous and laughable it is. Yes, you heard me correctly. I just said that Twilight is one of the films where you can't help but point and laugh at how stupid it is. Another good example of this: The sun scene...but we'll get to that later.

2. The FUCKIN Vamps.

So let's get one thing straight right now. Vampires CANNOT survive in Sunlight. If there's one thing that I cannot STAND ABOUT THAT STUPID BRAINLESS FUCKING BOOK AND FILM IT"S that They TOTTALY disregard everything that Vampire Mythology has set down in stone. Stephanie Meyers (The Dumb BITCH) basically gives the finger to Vampire Mythology and goes about re-writing The Vampire Mythology in her own retarded vision. In HER version of Vampire Mythology, Vampires sparkle like Fairies in the sun (No, not The Tinkerbell fairy), they can run super-fast, and One can read thoughts and see into the future. (Since when did Vampires get fucking super-powers???)

There's a scene where Edward steps out into sunlight and takes off his shirt...guess what!!! he glitters...no really, This shit is so ridiculous I can't make it up. It litterally writes itself. This is the main scene where I really lose all sense of self control. FUCKING VAMPIRES CANNOT SURVIVE IN SUNLIGHT!!!!!!!!! If retarded ass Edward ever did do that he'd wind up in a million tiny little Edward pieces. Not only does he glitter in the sun (via some shitty special effects no less, we'll get to that later though) but he can also run superfast while Bella rides Piggy-back (BULLSHIT LEVEL RISING), read peoples thoughts (DANGER: MAXIMUM BULLSHIT LEVELS REACHED), And his sister can SEE INTO THE FUTURE (MAXIMUM BULSHIT LEVELS EXCEEDED...DANGER...DANGER!!) So...basically Meyers Vampires and her mythology is a ridiculous, unbelievable and downright unrealistic view of Vampires and the powers they possess.

3. BELLA

Bella starts out as an almost normal girl (even though smart readers can instantly figure out that she's just your run of the mill dumb bitch...this is later fully proven in New Moon). She's obsessive over Edward and has absolutely NO COMMON SENSE. She would blindly follow Edward off a cliff...or a bridge, or a plane with no parachute...you get the picture. She puts ridiculous amounts of faith and trust in Edward just because he "Loves" her. For Most of Twilight she can be found, arms wrapped around Edwards ankles, begging him to turn her into a vampire. As retarded as Edward is, he is at least smnarter than Bella: He continually refuses. THEN, in New Moon when Edward finally leaves the dumb bitch Bella becomes suicidal and absolutely loses her frickin mind!! She starts hearing Edwards voice in her mind, and desperate to continue hearing his voice she does a bunch of stupid shit...like jumping off a cliff into Icy cold water. As I said...SUICIDAL.

As if this weren't bad enough there's another boy, Jacob, that she could easily start dating, but in denial that Edward really is gone (She keeps insisting that he'll come back because "HE LOVES HER"...dumb bitch). So even though Jacob and Bella do get along greatly she refuses to give him a chance because GOD FORBID she betray Edward that way. In fact, It's already been made clear that Edward would be fine with her seeing someone else..since, afterall...HE'S NEVER COMING BACK. God this series is stupid.

But anyways, Edward ends up becoming suicidal as well ( he was spying on her with his mind...yet another retarded super-power he has) having seen her (with his mind) jumping off the cliff. Feeling like it's kind of is his fault he bounces off to piss off some other vampires who will kill him. After a period of zero suspense Bella intervenes and saves Edward and they all live Happily ever after. and that's New Moon. At least Twilight the characters had some sense of reason and intellect. New Moon throws all that out the window. After New Moon I've vowed to never pick up another Twilight book again.

Back to the movie now...sorry, about the sidetrack.

4. The Special effects

Despite what the fans will say the speciel effects flatout sucked. The glitter in the sun was painful to watch, Edward runs in a blur (A poorly done blur), I could go on and on but don't want to waste anymore time...lets get to the last and FINAL reason why TWILIGHT SUCKS

5. The power it holds over it's fans (I'm talking to you, all you retarded emo fan girls)

Ever since Twilight came out more and more people have fallen victim to its power. I was one of those people originally. I first read Twilight in 9th grade and thought it was a good book, but eventually I was able to break free from its evil spell and see it for what it truelyis...a piece of shit. That's right TWILIGHT IS SHIT!!! For single guys ( like myself) finding a girl is much harder now. Most girls are obsessive over Twilight and their Precious Edward Cullen (I've read stories about how some will commit random acts of violence against people who don't see things their way). I've run into several rabid fangirls in my day, and the look they give me when I openly tell them that Twilight sucks is both scary and hilarious. Most girls see Edward Cullen as their true love and foolishly wait for him like Bella. HE'S NOT COMING!!! HE'S A FUCKING 3RD RATE CHARCTER IN A SHITTY BOOK. HE'S NOT REAL. GO DATE A REAL GUY FOR CHRISTS SAKE YOU BUNCH OF DUMB BITCHES. HOLY SHIT. This is why I say your opinion does not matter nor count nor is worth anything of value.

I believe that all copies of Twilight and it's proceeding books and movies should be burned along with Stephanie Meyers. The power they have over the fans and the quality of the movies and the books is disgusting. If I could put a lamia on one person and watch them get dragged to hell,it would be Spehanie Meyers. YOU'RE NOT A GOOD WRITER...YOU SUCK...GET A REAL FUCKING JOB AND STOPWRITING THOSE GOD AWFUL BOOKS!! And whoever thought that Twilight would make a good movie Franchise is just as bad as she is.

Oh yeah...and a closing comment...one I would be unable to forgive myself if I forgot to put it in here. Edward Cullen is a pussy. ALame Excuse for a Vampire...a wimp. I think that a better ending to Twilight would be if he was saving Bella as a meal for himself and at the end killed her and sucked her blood. Now that's the way TWilight SHOULD have ended.

There are millions of reasons why The Twilight Series sucks. I've only listed a few. I wrote this as a warning to aeveryone out there...STOP READING THE BOOKS AND SEING THE FILMS!!!

So my final rating for The Twilight film and the series itself is a very strong .5 stars (Half a Star). It's a FUCK YOU!! Oh, and PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT BUY TICKETS TO NEW MOON. IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF MEN TAKING OFF THEIR SHIRTS. CAN YOU SAY SOFTCORE PORN FOR GIRLS?? UGH.

If you don't believe me that Twilight is the worst of the worst...here's a few second opinions

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvyrG1e3D5I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezguwvsN5A0&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kF5CViJQDpA&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y60Mj-A67WY&feature=related
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/43130
http://my.spill.com/profiles/blogs/new-moon-audio-review

If you want anymore second opinions just look up Twilight Sucks on Youtube...you'll find lots more.

Beetle looks forward to Left 4 Dead 2!!

I've been in a funny mood lately readers. I really can't explain or describe it. I just, for some strange reason, have had an undeniable urge to run outside and slaughter a horde of flesh-chewing zombies. Well, luckily for me Left 4 Dead 2 has JUST BEEN RELEASED!!! What a crazy random happenstance!!

For weeks I've been following the progress of this game. Every time one of its TV ads comes on the screen my pulse races faster as my adrenaline rises to abnormal levels. I am super psyched and ready to FINALLY bash some un-dead brains in!!

For those unaquainted with the Left 4 Dead games their basically about a small group of survivors that have to fight their way thru a post-apocalyptic world using whatever weapons they can find (Shotguns, Machine guns, Sniper Rifles, possibly UZIs, Frying Pans, Baseball Bats, and Chainsaws among other endless possiblilities).

The game was released on 11/17/09 and I am currently saving up money to buy it and then sample it (Once I have purchased it you can expect my review of it up a few weeks later).

Till then I'm going to leave you with several ads and a review for you to feast your eyes on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSfsMJgypdw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_8hJsgZSNA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wt2rGmUmm2A
http://www.gamespot.com/xbox360/action/left4dead2/review.html?tag=tabs;reviews

BRING IT ON ZOMBIE SCUM....I'M READY!!!!!!

Beetle's Bug Juice: Salt, Prince of Persia,District 9, and Terminator Salvation

Hey there Beetle-heads!!!

It's your Ghost Host with the Most Most here. A few days ago I saw 2012, before the film I had the pleasure of watching 2 new trailers which really piqued my interest. Today, for the first time ever, I'm going to review trailers (Yea, it's kind of sad...I know)

First Up: SALT

SALT is about CIA Official Evelyn Salt and what occurs when she is accused of being a russian spy sent to kill the president.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfV5CTyVkwI

The trailer looks pretty awesome. Lots of action and chase sequences. The ending is really great and poses a question to the viewer: "Is she or isn't she a spy?" Overall SALt looks like it's shaping up to be a really interesting thriller.

Beetle's Excitement Level: 8 out of 10. Pretty Psyched


Next: Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Prince of Persia is based on the hit video game series. Plot looks pretty complex and fun...involves a dagger, that when opened has the ability to turn back time. It's up to a young man to retrieve and protect this dagger that others would use for their own ill will.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8EA7EbFX4k

The trailer looks frickin epic and reminds me of the Pirates Of the Carribbean Series. Got tons of action scenes and introduces the plot quite nicely. I think it has potential to be kind of the NEW Indiana Jones.

Beetle Excitement Level: 10 out of 10. I can't WAit!!


Now for some good news. I have been doing some digging online and have found out the DVD release date of District 9. It is to be released on DVD December 22. There will be a 2 disc edition that I will most likely snatch up immeadietly. Included on the DVD is a ton of special features includng a 3 part documentary, deleted scenes, 4 special featurettes (found only on 2 disc edition),and a digital copy of the film for the Ipod/touch/phone.

for the whole story here's a link: http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/news/district-9-on-blu-ray-and-dvd-december-22-neilm.php

Don't know about you guys but I thought that D-9 was a GREAT film and I can't wait for the DVD release.

Another piece of good news is that I just found out the DVD release date for the newest addition to the Terminator Franchise: TERMINATOR SALVATION (DA-DA-DA-DA-DA).
It's currently slated for a December 1st release date on a single disc DVD and 2 disc Blu-Ray.

The single disc will only feature the theatrical version and one special feature on the Moto-Terminators. The 2 disc blu-ray, however, will have the theatrical version of the film AND the Directors Cut (YAY!!!). The special features on the Blu-ray include the moto-terminators one and an extra that is called re-forging the future. The Blu-ray will also include a Resist or be Terminated (The viral for the film that I closely followed before its release date...it was one of the funnest virals I've participated in. I got to join the freaking resistance!!!)video archive, the Terminator Salvation official movie prequel digital comic #1, AND a WB Maximum Movie Mode hosted by Director McG.

For the full story follow the link: http://www.examiner.com/x-9502-Salt-Lake-City-DVD-Examiner~y2009m9d10-Terminator-Salvation-DVDBluray-details-and-release-date

I was one of the few that enjoyed Terminator Salvation. I actually thought that it was a worthy addition to the Terminator Franchise (Much better than that stupid T3 shit...ugh). So I'm pretty psyched for the blu-ray release. LET IT BEGIN!!!

Till then I'm Beetlejuice and you've just been bugged.

Beetle witnesses the end of the World in 2012

Let there be no question in anyone's mind: Roland Emmerich is the King of Epic Films. 2012 does an amzing job of taking something we already knew and solidifying that.

In 2012 Massive waves, Volcanic eruptions of an amzing magnitude, fiery flying bits of debris, earthquakes, toppling buildings, crashing trains, and other amazing sights totally encompass our field of vision fully and epicly. There is nothing I have ever seen that measures up to these sights of tragic beauty...especially when viewed on the big screen. Words fail to describe what it's like to view all this on a theatre screen... I never in my life thought that I'd have the pleasure of viewing Santa Monica Pier being pulled out to sea dragging a bunch of land with it, or all of Yellowstone exploding in a volcanic eruption. Yea...It's jaw-dropping.


The plot of 2012 involves a family fighting to survive the end of the World, a scientist that is fighting to keep control of the worsening situation, a corrupt government official, and a conspiracy to save only the rich and wealthy. An interesting story indeed. I never expected a Roland Emmerich film to have a believable, compelling, and touching story...but 2012 does, and boy does it grab the audience and pull us in. The film clocks in at around 3 hours, but for me it felt like it wasn't more than 90 minutes.

In the film the cause of all the chaos is the ever increasing heat of the sun. It heats up the Earths core which in turn causes the Earth's crust to move in ways we've never before seen; all this creates massive earthquakes, Volcanic Eruptions, and monster tsunamis that bring about the end of the Earth.


2012 is best viewed on the biggest screen possible, preferably an IMAX screen if you want the ultimate viewing experience and the ultimate RIDE OF YOUR LIFE. 2012 takes us, the audience, on a rollercoaster ride full of twists, turns, sudden drops and stops, and grinds to halt leaving us screaming for more.

5 STARS- BETTER THAN SEX

Beetle delves into all the problems with Law Abiding Citizen

My plan was originally to see the Epic 2012... but at the insistance of Jumpy I changed my mind at the last minute and saw Law Abiding Citizen instead. WHY??!!

Law Abiding Citizen starts out with Clyde Shelton (Gerard Butler) getting the shit kicked out of him and then being forced to witness the murder of his family. An undetermined amount of time later he goes to Nick Rice (Jamie Fox), a hot-shot attorney that only cares about his 96% conviction rate. Instead of doing the right thing and risk losing his conviction rate, Nick strikes a deal with the main criminal. The main one (Darby) will testify against his partner, who will be sent to death row, and Darby will get a shortened sentence in exchange for his testimony. When he gets this news Clyde is furious and begs Nick not to go thru with the deal, but is shortly informed that the deal has already been made. Wronged by the legal system, Clyde formulates a plan that he sets into motion 10 years later.


Law Abiding Ciotizen has been advertised as a Revenge flick, but it actually is nothing of the sort. We, the audience, find out around 45 minutes into the film that Clyde's plan has more to do with exposing the faults in the legal system than with Revenge, though that does play a small part in it.

The beginning of the film starts out pretty slow and boring, slowly building itself up till, for 5 minutes, the film is exactly what it needs to be. As soon as those 5 minutes end the film quickly does a nosedive and crashes into the ground. For the middle of the film (which makes up most of the movie) the film is at rock bottom or is nose-diving. During this portion the film has lost it's direction and sense of meaning. It's forgotten what it had originally wanted to achieve and what had made the film work and becomes a ridiculous, stupid, boring thing to watch. At this point I was teetering on the edge of a one star rating...until the final 5 minutes come around and bring the film back to what it was like before. But it's not enough unfortunately, The middle has already driven the film into the ground...the ending just barely brings it up a little.

There is nothing more frustrating than a film tht has lost it's purpose and direction...that's exactly what Law Abiding Citizen is.

Gerard Butler puts in a career changing performance as the insane with grief Clyde. The filmmakers are given a great character but don't know what to do with him. He starts out as a normal Joe, then turns into an avenging Anti-hero with a plan, and then transforms into a mad man that has lost all sense of reason... the man Clyde is at the beginning of the film and at the end are 2 very different dudes. The filmmakers do everything in their power to stop you from rooting for Clyde. They turn him into the more-or-less "Villain" of the film. Since he is the only really likeable character in the film (He's certainly alot more interesting than the bland and CLEARLY AN ASSHOLE Nick, whom we spend most of the film with...hmmm, maybe thats why the film ended up kinda stinking), by turning him into the "bad guy" that takes away our only investment in the film, thus we end up not really giving a fuck about who lives and who dies.

Law Abiding Citizen is a film that had higher aspirations than most films do and it gets bonus points for that, but it doesn't know how to go about achieving those high aspirations.It kind of has a clue,but not totally. Hey, It's better to aim high and fall, then to aim low and succeed.

Overall L.A.C was film that aspired to be more than it ever could be, almost like a child that dreams of being Spiderman.It starts out focused but quickly loses its sense of direction and purpose, forgetting what it had set out to do in the first place. Slip it some focus pills and maybe it would have been better. Don't bother wasting your money on this one, instead wait for it on DVD.

2.5 stars- High Rental

BEETLE'S BUG JUICE: THE 4th KIND A PHONY??

You all have seen the trailers for the 4th kind; a film that is suppossedly based on a true story and has suppossed "REAL" footage to back that claim. Well, I've dug up a few articles that seem to say otherwise.

http://www.newsvine.com/_news/2009/11/12/3494286-studio-settlement-reported-for-fake-movie-news

http://community.adn.com/adn/node/143292


I personally think that it's hilarious. Universal thought they could create their own "TRUE" story and then back it up with FAKE "Real" footage and fake news articles that they shot and wrote themselves and then thought they'd get away with it...well, they almost did. It was genius to do all this for the sake of a movie, but I'd prefer that it never happen again. Once is MORE than enough

Till then I'm Beetlejuice and you've just been bugged.

Great Vids on Transformers 2

You all already know my opinion on Transformers 2. It continues to anger me (Imagine a slow Boil)that Michael Bay would not only be allowed to make sludge like TF 2 and get away with it, but that he's being permitted to make a 3rd film. I won't allow myself to think about this for too long (If I do I'm sure I'll suffer some kind of mental/nervous breakdown). Either way here's a video to back up my views.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6Wb-gTCIR4

SPOILERS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScqlMbdB3eA&feature=fvw

http://my.spill.com/profiles/blogs/transformers-revenge-of-the-56



If the public continues to buy tickets to sludge like Transformers 2 and 3 then Hollywood will continue to produce similar Sludge. HOWEVER, if the public demands higher quality films and buys tickets to said films over said sludge, then Hollywood will begin to churn-out real gems. So, are you going to continue to give in to Hollywood's brand of brain-cell killing movies, or are you going to demand higher quality films??? The future is up to us.

Beetle refuses to be spooked by Paranormal Activity

Paranormal Activity... Take away the para and the title would fit the film

I'm going to let rip, for the very first time in the history of this site, a HUGE spoiler. I've generously left a gap between this paragraph and the next so that those who would wish to know nothing about this film will not be angered. That is actually the best way to walk into this little film, knowing absolutely nothing about the film, and if you have seen the trailers...well, you know more than you think you do...trust me.













The reason why the title is misleading is because the entity antagonizing the couple in the film is not a ghost... It's a demon. Hence the title PARAnormal activity doesn't really fit the film, because Demons aren't paranormal.

In Paranormal Activity we follow a young couple, Micah and Katie, as they deal with an increasingly aggressive demon that has been stalking Katie since childhood.

Activity has absolutely NO BEGINNING...instead making the interesting choice of thrusting the audience directly into the middle of the story, with Micah bringing the videocamera home and doing a quick test run of it. It is with this camera that Micah, against the pleas of his girlfriend and a psychic, will attempt to record footage of the entity in action. He is warned several times that by using the camera he will only be teasing the spirit, thus making things worse. Micah, being the cocky show-off that he is, blows off the warnings and begins to document the activity in the house. Of course, it doesn't take long for things to get much much worse. Soon, angered by the prescence of the camera the demon shifts its focus from Katie to Micah.

Paranormal Activity draws more than inspiration from the Blair Witch Project, a much better executed and interesting film despite it's shakey cam.

Activity takes an oft-repeated idea and tries, unsuccessfully, to breathe life into it. The 2 main characters are unlikeable and uninteresting. Micah is the typical alpha-male boyfriend that repeadeatly re-assures Katie that, despite evidence to the contrary, he's got everything under-control. Katie, while alot smarter than Micah, is just plain boring to watch. Another problem with the film is that it just isn't believable, it all felt extremely fake. I wish I could say what they could have done to make it more "Real" but I don't know. I have a feeling that it may have to do with the atmosphere they created. The house this couple inhabits just does not scream SCARY to me. The last 20 minutes or so of the film is where it finally does start to get scary, unfortunately After said 20 minutes it has a typical hollywood anti-climactic ending.

Suffering from inconsistant scares, and a too-short running time (for the love of god, all you needed to do was slap an extra 20 minutes onto the last 20 and keep the scares coming!!) Paranormal Activity unfortunately falls flat. The "Scares" aren't all that scary (OH NO, a moving door!!) until the final 20 minutes, and unfortunately by then it's too late because the end is near.

I'm catergorizing this film into the HAD GREAT POTENTIAL category along with Jennifer's Body. This film could have been a scary-as-hell-shit-your-pants-run-out-of-the-theatre-crying film, but the filmmakers didn't follow up on any of the great scares they had the opportunity to generate during the film. I just can't bring myself to reccommend this film to anyone. Paranormal Activity, while interesting at the best of times, is a fairly Normal outing at your local theatre...unfortunatly.

2.5/5

Beetle's Bag Of WIINS!!

You read that correctly Beetle-heads. Your ghost host with the most most is also into Interwebz culture. Today I've decided to find a few internet WIINs with you. so sit back relax, and enjoy the FUN!

1. Hilarious Dance- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LniPZTtSHXU

2. Jumbotron Dance Success- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmiS0RNNp28

3. Human Jumbotron- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyLJ_ZVyJH4&feature=player_embedded

Thats all for now, but keep your eyes open...you'll never know when I'll open another BAG OF WINS

BEETLE'S REVIEW OF THIS IS IT

On June 25th, 2009 Michael Jackson died in his sleep. On that day the World lost a Pop God. Now we are reminded of that by the film made from MJ's final days: THIS IS IT.

Playing as a touching tribute to The King, an exploration of his idiosyncracies, and a chance for us to gain admittance to the conert that never was. After viewing the film there will be no doubt in anyone's mind that MJ was indeed headed for what could possibly be the biggest comeback in history... that makes his death all the more tragic. To watch the king sweat out there on the stage; strutting his stuff as only he can; and to see him get more and more excited about his tour breaks your heart...knowing what the inevitable outcome would be. During the film MJ shows that he understood the business that he was in perfectly, one of the reasons he was able to last in our minds as long as he has and will.

This Is It is one of the most amazing, fun, and sad films I have ever seen in a theatre. During the film we are transported into his concert, the stage a surreal version of MJ's heaven. He slides across the screen, almost effortlessly.

This Is It is a huge reminder of the Man that was, the man he wanted to be, the man we saw, and the man he never would be. Near the end of the film MJ has a big speech in which he says " It's an adventure. A great adventure. I want to take them to places they've never been before. I want to show a time no one's ever seen before. " This Is It does all that and a whole lot more. It all makes for a film that noone should miss.

5 stars- Better than Sex

BEETLE'S RETRO REVIEW: SHAUN OF THE DEAD

Hey Beetle-heads, it's time for another Retro Review. Here's how it works: A retro review could be of a film that came out a year ago or even 40 years ago.Today I focus on the smash hit known as Shaun of the Dead.

I had heard people raving about this film for a while and finally decided that it had come time for me to view it. I'm glad I did.

Shaun of the dead focuses on a loser named Shaun and his Best Friend/ Slacker Ed as they brave a post-apocalyptic world. During their escapades Shaun attempts to sort out his life, an ironic choice of timing seeing that he could meet his end at any minute.

Shaun of the dead is full of irony, ingenius bits of humor, wit, bad-assedness, and a surprising touch of emotion..something I did not see coming and was pleasantly surprised at...after all we are dealing with what could be the end of the world as we know it.

Shaun of the Dead treats it's subject matter with equal doses of humor, emotion, drama, reverence, and fun. It's my kind of Zombie flick..the kind I've been waiting my whole life to see. As I watched the film I realized that I could be Shaun if a zombie epidemic ever occured. It would be tons of fun to just beat the living shit out of any zombie that got in my way.

Shaun of the Dead is a brilliant, hilarious and touching film that does something that most Zombie flicks have never thought to do...it makes Zombie Slaughter fun to watch.

5 Stars- BETTER THAN SEX

SURPRISE POST 3: HALLOWEEN SONGS

GOOD EVENING MY CREATURES OF THE NIGHT. TONIGHT I COME TO YOU WITH MY 10 FAVORITE HALLOWEEN SONGS

10- Like a movie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoPBWXKjoDY

9- Alfred Hitchcock Theme http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nOfjHPcflI

8- Monster Mash http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0thH3qnHTbI&feature=fvw

7- Halloween Movie theme http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_YZfXCdpjU

6- Beetlejuice theme http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQXkrFoq3Kg

5- The Fog theme http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwuCQ2xIwQ4

4- Grim Grinning Ghosts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSaqSVi--Ms

3- This Is Halloween http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnhc5PJ-7-8

2- Ghostbusters http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4uxIo4t7xM

1- Thriller http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkMBVbEUd7o

Beetle's Review of SAW 6

For once The SAW series steps out of it's usual formulaic style. This time Jigsaw sets his sights on The Insurance companies. He targets a head at an Insurance Company that is in charge of deciding who they will cover or drop. Like Jigsaw, he essentially makes the choice of who lives and who dies. Now, a pawn in another one of jigsaw's tests he really will decide who will live and who will die.

For anyone who has ever been cheated or wronged by the health industry or an insurance company, this is your film. It plays out as a sick revenge fantasy with Jigsaw at the helm. Oh Yes, there will be blood and lots of it.

SAW 6 does not hold back with it's depictions of torture. Some scenes are downright hard to watch. I wouldn't blame anyone for looking the other way during a few of the traps. There are also more twists than in any other previous SAW installment, so much so that a few who have not been paying close attention to the previous films may walk out scratching their heads. The SAW franchise is suppossed to represent one full story, thus if you miss an installment or just watched them with your brain off then you aren't getting the full experience.

With great camerawork, a compelling story, and some intriguing mysteries SAW 6 is the gem of the Franchise. It accomplishes what no other SAW film has been able to: To effectively place viewers into Jigsaw's shoes, bringing us into his world.

SAW 6 is a brilliant film that makes me anticipate SAW 7 all the more. At The same time I realize that Lightning rarely strikes the same place twice and with The same director who did the failed SAW 5 directing SAW 7 I can't help but be a bit hesitant about SAW 7.

We can only hope that 7 will be as much a breath of fresh air as SAW 6 was.

4 Stars- FULL PRICE

SURPRISE POST #2: BEETLE'S HHN 19 TRIP REPORT

On October 23, 2009 I packed my bags and went on a most excellent trip to the scariest Halloween event you can find in the U.S. It's called HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS 19: RIPPED FROM THE SILVER SCREEN.

That's right blokes, for the first time EVER your Ghost Host with the Most Most is bringing you his Trip Report from Scare Central.

So I decided to travel with one of my buddies on our College's trip to HHN 19. We'll just call him: "Jumpy". He's what I like to refer to as a "Horror Virgin".

So me and Jumpy arrived at HHN 19 around 6:45 and finally got thru the gates around 7:00. It was Jumpy's first time at HHN so he had no idea what to expect. The first scarezone we hit was Lights Camera Hacktion: Chainsaw Drill Team Massacre. When Jumpy caught sight of his first Chainsaw Weilding Maniac he jmped back 5 feet and refused to move an inch further. I had to drag him thru the scarezone. I caught sight of one of the film crew approacing Jumpy. I could have warned him but that would have ruined all the fun. I watched as the film crew person told Jumpy to run. He jumped out of his skin and bolted out of the scarezone like his life depended on it, leaving me to give chase after him. This would be a recurring theme of the scarezones: Me walking hesitantly thru them and Jumpy running and dodging around them doing his best to avoid the scares (BTW, he failed).

Our first house of the night was Silver Screams where we had the good fortune to end up behind a scareactor who had decided to take a day off. We got to chat with him during the wait and follow him through the house. His name was "Alex" and he plays one the Usher's in the house. Overall Silver Screams was a superb house with excellent themeing throughout. In this house you'll travel through several famous scenes from reknowned movies incuding The Thing, The Phantom Of The Opera, The Strangers, My Bloody Valentine 3-D, Shaun Of The Dead, Army Of Darkness, and a few others. The Whole house is themed around a Possessed/Haunted Movie theatre called The Universal Palace. My Favorite parts were the Catacombs and dancing to "Don't Stop Me Now" during Shaun Of the Dead. Jumpy couldn't understand the concept of having fun during a haunted house and would stare at me dumbly while I did a few impromptu dances.

After Silver screams we split up from Alex (Even though I would end up running into him 2 more times during the night) and hit Saw. It kind of lived up to my expectations for it. The theme is that Jigsaw wants to see if you "Have what it takes to survive" and you are traveling through his lair from the 2nd film (Wilson Steele). The house is kind of like the Hallow from Last year. Lots of theming but not many scares (Except for the last room, which had me in hysterics).

Next we hit Leave It to Cleaver. This was a really fun house that had an entertaining queue vid to keep us occupied as we wait in the line. The house is more creepy than scary, but I loved it. I had plenty of opportunites to interact with the scareactors and I didn't waste any of them. My favorite convo: Me: "I want My Meat!!!" Scareactor: "You'll get it at the end of the tour!!" Me: "BUT I WANT MY MEAT NOW!!!". The whole house was filled with happy smiling butchers, One was even smoking a pipe as he asked me which part I wanted...I replyed with the Ribs or the roast. Then, like a good butcher, he went to town with the part I asked him for...OMG I Love this house!!! Near the end you walk down a seemingly endless hallway of Chainsaw weilding butchers (Once again, I was in hysterics, screaming) which let out to the main shop where I got to meet Mr. Meetz and our old pal Meety who had one final surprise for me. Overall Cleaver was a fun house that had a few good scares but was mainly just alot of fun to walk through and experience.

After we were done with Cleaver Jumpy started to complain about how he was hungry so we stopped for a bite to eat. Once again Jumpy lived up to his name as I pulled a scare on him which resulted in Jumpy spilling his Iced Tea on his lap. After our bellies were full we walked on thru City Of Cannibels (Jumpy staying on the outer sides of the scarezones, sprinting thru) and hit Frankenstein.

I was frankly psyched about the possible opportunity to meet C_D (An OU Forum Member and a Vaulter). The house was amazing in every way. I appreciated how they modernized the monster and the story. Universal did a very good job with this house, changing the telling but staying true to the Material. The Creature was everywhere in this house and he pulled alot of good quality scares on me and Jumpy (Who could constantly be found staying as far back as possible, using the walls as shields from the scareactors and running thru scenes at odd intervals). Frankenstein is my personal favorite movie monster of all time so of course this house was one of my top Favs of the night.

Jumpy's Most anticipated House of the Night was Wolfman, and that's the one we hit next. I was able to get in line but unfortunately for Jumpy as soon as I hopped in line a crowd of people cut in front of him, seperating us. Thus I cannot report how well Jumpy was in the house. This was the only house that truely made me feel like I had entered the world of the film. It was another cool house. My only complaint was that the forest scene was too short and didn't resemble what I had imagined it would be like. It wasn't extremely elaborate but it did have a few good scares here and there, and the actors were believable in their roles. In the morgue scene when one of the victims raised up and howled I muttered "Somebody shoot him or something". Most of the scareactors seemed to be trying to defend us from the werewolf which was an interesting switch in what you usually find in your typical Haunted House. The Wolfman Makeup/costumes were also pretty well-done too.

Afterwards I hit Frankenstein Again. This time at the end i'm pretty sure I ran into C_D. I asked the monster if he was C_D and he growled in my ear. So that was cool.

A few minutes afterwards I met up with Jumpy and we hit Silver Screams again. It saddens me to see this house consistantly have a short-ish wait every time we hit it. It's a top quality house that most people overlook in their mad dash to hit SAW and Wolfman. It deserves more guest appreciation in my opinion.

By the time we got out it was 1:30 and me and Jumpy made a last ditch effort to hit Dracula. We made it to see that the wait was short, so we jumped into the line. The detail was pretty cool, and by far was the longest/largest house of the night. It was filled with great "Shit-your-pants" scares and hot brides lashing out at you from corners, walls, windows and ledges. my only complaint was that I did not see Dracula once in this house. Overall it was the scariest house of the night and I'm glad we had the time to hit it.

Once out of Dracula me and Jumpy met up with the rest of our school and headed back.

Overall I think that HHN 19 was better than HHN 18. This year was much scarier than last year's event and I'm glad about that. This year had more consistant theming throughout, better scarezones, better houses, better scares, and better quality. I also had more fun this year and spent more time being scared and running for my life. There were several times when guests would ask me if I was O.K., it was during these moments when I wanted to just slap them because OF COURSE I WAS O.K!!! I was having the time of my life and enjoying every second of it. I like being scared, it's a great rush. So the more scared I look the better I'm doing, but most people don't seem to understand this.

This was my 2nd time going to HHN and once again it was an overwhelmingly positive experience for me. There were no bad houses this year. Even though I liked some more than others they were all of a superb quality and had great scares. Most of the scarezones were great as well with decent stories behind them. If I could change one thing about the night it would be for me to spend more time in the scarezones as they were all extremely well put together and amazingly well themed. I am also happy to report that Jumpy made it out in one Piece and that he too agrees that it was a great experience and wants to definently do it again some day. So for all you "Horror Virgins" out there hurry up and buy your ticket to the Universal Palace Theatre and HHN 19 before it ends. Trust me, you'll be glad you did.

House Ratings

Silver Screams- My Favorite House of the night. 5/5

Saw- My Least favorite, but still of a superb quality. Not worth more than an hour though. 2/5

Cleaver- Funniest house of the night. So many opportunities to interact with the scareactors. really made the guests feel as though they were a part of the house. Consistent theming thrughout. 4/5

Frankenstein- Great re-imagining of the horror classic. this ain't yo momma's Frankenstein. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. 4/5

Wolfman- Another good house. Decent amount of scares. Really felt like I had stepped into the movie. 3/5

Dracula- Scariest house of the night. Longest/largest house. Had the best scares and the most scares of the night. Truely terrifying and a great end to the night. 5/5

Spawning- unable to hit this one

Chucky- the wait was 60 minutes. NO WAY. didn't hit it.

Scarezone Ratings

Lights Camera Haction: Chainsaw Drill Team Massacre- Faily decent length. Had enough scares to go around. Lots of Chainsaw Weilding Maniacs. One chased me, made my night. 5/5

WOTD- Dark, creepy. Superb setting. Most Zombies were busy walking around and stopping for photos, thus not many were able to scare me. Wasn't their faults. 5/5

Apocalypse: City Of Cannibels- Few scares, not the greatest costumes. The helicopters, bursts of fire, loudspeakers, and spewing fire hydrant made it a top one for me though. Amazing setting. 5/5

Cirque Du freak- Surprisingly scary with vampires and other creatures that love to chase random guests (Including me). Loved the circus setting. 5/5

Containment- Dissapointing. Not enough smoke or scares to really staisfy. 2/5

Horrorwood Die-In - Fun Scare zone that lacked scares. It was fun to see your favorite movie villains in this one, but not enough theming or scares. 2/5




Tips:

If you're only going for one night I'd recommend buying an Express Pass as it will radically reduce the amount of stress you may experience

Be prepared for long lines (only main complaint of the night. USF seems to favor The express passers over the regular guests, thus the more expressers that line up the longer the line is for the reggies, like me)

I highly reccomend you buy a Frequent Fear Pass so that you could come back if you miss something. It's worth the extra dough.



Overall I'd have to give the whole event a strong 5/5. BETTER THAN SEX

Retro Review: HOSTEL

I was browsing through F.Y.E when I ran into a little film called Hostel. I had heard alot about it a few years back, so I picked it up to inspect it further. That's when I saw that it was written and directed by ELI ROTH. That clinched the deal and I bought it that day.

Later that night I cozied up to my TV and got some Goldfish ready as I popped it in and pressed Play.

I was pleasantly surprised at how well the film ended up being.

The film follows 2 ignorant American Teenagers and an equally ignorant Icelandic teen as they stumble upon a seemingly heaven sent Slovkian Hostel (NAKED GIRLS EVERYWHERE!!!). Being young they fall for the trap hook, line, and suckers. Before we know it they start to mysteriously dissapear until only one is left. Worried, he decides to investigate and discovers the shocking truth behind the Hostel.

Hostel is a surprisingly dark and Brilliant film, preying upon the audiences expectations. It starts out as your typical Teen Comedy, then turns into a mystery and finally into a bloody, disturbing horror film.

It's one of the films where you'll hate yourself for liking it...I know I do. It's a dark, bloody, grusome, and distrubing film...but it's enthralling and once it grabs you it won't let you go till the very end.

Eli Roth is a frickin Genius!

4 Stars

Beetlejuice's Review of Where The Wild Things Are

I was raised on the book "Where The Wild Things Are" but it never once occurred to me that it might make a good film. My Mistake.


As a child I would fawn over this book, taking in the beautiful pictures and the simple, sweet story. The first time I had read the book, it was read to me by my mother and when I grew older I would read it to myself at night. I adored the book and felt a connection to MAX. When I heard a movie was coming out based on the book I naturally had to see it. I'm glad I did.

The movie is full of amazing visuals, hidden messages, joy, sadness, pain, and just about every other human emotion. I'm almost ashamed of how quickly I reverted back to the childhood me as I watched this film, eyes open and mouth agape in total awe at what was unfolding before me on the big screen. The film succeeds beautifully in making the viewer feel that child-like sense of wonder from beginning to end.

For me, The film struck a raw nerve that most movies are unable to hit. It transported me back to when I was a child and everything seemed simpler yet infinetly more complex. It was inevitable that by the end of the film me and most of the audience was in tears.

Where The Wild Things Are is not a film for children. They more than likely would be captivated by the creatures and vast landscapes that flash across the screen, but they won't understand all the big themes that the movie presents about growing up and holding onto the kid in each of us...I'd say read them the book instead as it will captivate them just as much as the film and likely make more of a lasting impact. The book helped shape who I am today and I believe that it is a MUST-READ for every kid.

The protagonist of Wild Things is a 9 yr old boy named Max (Played Brillaintly by Max Records) that is your typical young boy. He is filled with Imagination and raw, unbridled energy. One night, when he gets a bit too wild and bites his mom, he freaks out and runs away into a forest, where he finds a boat waiting to take him to the Wild Things.

The film's happy moments are balanced by somewhat depressing and sad ones as well. It knows when it needs to put the happy moments aside and replace them with sadder ones, knowing exactly what the audience needs and giving it to you when you need it.

The film shows great reverence and respect for the book that it is based off of, and beautifully elaborates on the themes and empty spaces found within it.


Where The Wild Things are is a beautiful film that gives us what we need most, a reflection of better days and what we gave up in order for us to mature. It will touch everyone in different ways and will be a different experience for every person that views it. I believe that it is an important film.

Wild Things is The E.T. of our era, and MAX our Elliot. It is the best film of the year.

I give it 5 well deserved stars.

Haunted Post #1: Movie Monsters

These are the creatures that first made us think twice before turning off our lights at night time, that first got us to look under our beds. They made us believe in the existance of monsters and unknown terrors that could be lurking in our neighborhood.

I present to you my top 10 Movie Monsters of ALL TIME

10. Freddy Kruger: He haunts our dreams, giving us nightmares that we will remember for the rest of our lives..IF we survive that is.

9. Michael Meyers: Silent, unstoppable, DEADLY. Michael Meyers is the product of a warped mind...a mental disorder that urgers him to kill all that stand between the ultmate family reunion of him and his sister.

8. Jigsaw: He places his victims in games of life or death. He is the ultimate Teacher, but don't disobey his instructions or you might wind up another victim of Jigsaw's Teachings.

7. Jason Vorhees: He haunts his old camping grounds, wreaking havoc on those ill-moraled teens that are stupid enough to trespass into Camp Crystal Lake. With a Machete as his best friend, he is a force to be reckoned with.

6. JAWS: An unthinking beast that has a peculiar drive for the taste of Human flesh and blood. Once it bites into you it won't stop until your blood fills the water and your screams are silenced forever.

5. Dracula: Polite, kind, and HUNGRY FOR BLOOD. With one glance into his eyes you will come under his trance. Do not trust his gentlemanly facade...he thirsts for your life force, your blood. One slurp is never enough.

4. The Phantom of the Opera: Poor tortured soul. Ashamed of his disfigured face he hides deep in the catacombs of the Paris Opera house, exacting revenge on those who dare disrespect his home.

3. Imhotep/The Mummy: An ancient evil that has been awakened from the sands of time. He will make the world bow at his feet, he will force us to obey his every whim. He cannot be put back to sleep, he is ETERNAL.

2. Were-wolves: Pure animalistic rage. Once they pick up your scent they will never tire until they rip into your flesh, ripping you to shreds as your screams fill the empty night air.

1. FRANKENSTEIN: A misunderstood creation of a mad scientist. Born into a frightened and unaccepting world, he takes his anger and rage out on those who would shun him. He only wants to be accepted, and if you refuse he will crush you.

Keep looking out for more surprise posts.

HAPPY HAUNTS

THE HAUNTING SEASON IS CLOSE AT HAND

Yes Beetle-heads, It is now the most sinister season of the year... October. Every passing hour brings us closer to the day when demons and ghosts are let loose to terrorize the Earth for one single night. HALLOWEEN. To Celebrate this momentous Occasion I have a very special series of posts for you, my loyal readers, to enjoy. Keep a weather eye out...there's no telling when they may materialize.

Till then........ Happy Haunting

Sincerely
Your Ghost Host with the Most Most-Beetlejuice

Beetle's Bug Juice: TRANSFORMERS 3.....

................................. I frickin hate Micahel Bay.

In case you've forgotten my thoughts about the 2nd Transformers film skim back a few pages till you find my review of it, because I don't feel like going on another rant right now...except to say that it sucked.

read this: http://www.reuters.com/article/entertainmentNews/idUSTRE5911E520091002?feedType=RSS&feedName=entertainmentNews

Great Story...SUUUUURE. Bay probably just took a look at one of his BMs and decided to make it the plot of TF 3.

Bottom Line: TF1 was frickin Awesome. TF2 was mind-blowingly "KILL ME NOW!!!!" AWFUL!..... TF3??? It could be much worse than 2 or it could be as good as the first. Honestly I don't think I can bring myself to get hyped up for the 3rd one like I did for the 2nd. Pretty Sure I'm gonna sit this one out. Either way, all you rabid fan-boys of the TF films...you only have around 2 yrs to wait till Optimus Prime hops back on the big screen. Good news for you...BAD news for me.

Till then I'm Beetlejuice and you've just been Bugged.

BEETLE TAKES A TRIP TO ZOMBIELAND

HEY THERE BEETLEHEADS!!!!

I just saw what would best be described as a Summer Movie released in the Fall. It's pretty bad-ass, funny, and intelligent all at the same time (a feat pretty hard to accomplish, esepecially in the rare zombie film). What film am I talking about??? ZOMBIELAND.

The film never really bothers to fully develop a plot, instead opting to drop us into a lonely College Student's zombified world of chaos and kick-assedness. The film deals its cards fast and loose. Within 15-20 minutes our anti-hero has met up with Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a twinkie-obsessed zombie killer with one mean attitude. BUT THATS WHY WE LOVE HIM!!! Around 10-15 minutes after their first meeting they run into the incredibly hot Wichita (Played by Emma Stone...seen previously in Superbad) and her somewhat annoying little sister Little Rock (Played by Abigal Breslin) and together the group team up to kick some Zombie Butt.

Among The highlights are a detour to Bill Murrays Elaborate Mansion and a thrill-a-minute finale that takes place in none other than (DRUMROLL PLEASE) An Amusement Park. This film is FULL of fun little bits that just grab your attention and won't let it go.

Alas, as with every film, this one has a few downfalls. Even Though Abigal Breslin was kind of cute she added ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to the story and may as well have been replaced by a soft Downey Pillow. Another one of the problems with the film is that it, as fun as it was, it could have been a TON more fun. there were plenty opportunites for more mayhem and kick-assedness, but they can't fit it all into the time-slot.

Overall Zombieland is a fun, fast-paced detour into a world overrun bt zombies that is quite unlike any other previous incarnation that we've seen before. I wouldn't say run to your local Cinema to see this film right away (As fun as the film is, unfortunately it is ultimately forgettable) but I WOULD say that you should see it before it leaves theatres beacuse it is rare that a film pretty much gives you what you wanted to see + a little bit more.

Zombieland is pretty much as perfect as it can be.


Till Next time this is Springs, signing off from Zombieland.

Matinee- 3 Stars

BEETLE'S REVIEW OF JENNIFER'S BODY

This may very well be the biggest dissapointment of the year since Transformers 2. Diablo Cody decides to try her hand at horror and it's a swing and a miss.

The film follows Jennifer; a smokin hot cheer captain type; and her semi-nerdy BFF (or as they call themselves "Biffs") as after a particularly crazy night at a bar Jennifer is abducted by a hot boy band, a few hours later she shows back up at Needys house covered in blood with a crazed smile plastered onto her face and proceeds to devour a slab of raw meat and projectile Vomit black goo all over the kitchen floor. It isn't long after that that Jennifer begins her new diet consisting of unsuspecting Teenaged boys.



At first glance the story concept sounds like an idea that we could have alot of fun with, and that's the first problem with Jennifer's body. The story had such great potential to be a fun, kick-ass film but neither Diablo Cody or Karyn Kusama act upon this. Jennifer's Body could have been a fun, sexy, gory romp through our local cinema but because Cody and Kusama ignored the various opportunities the story provided, the film unfortunately fell flat.


The trailers promised many things to viewers. They promised us sexy Jennifer doin her thing, gory kills on the big screen, and Megan Fox naked. The film did not deliver any of the above, instead choosing to tease us all the way till the end. The closest we get to actually seeing Jennifer rip into a boy is via an extended shadow shot. There's not much blood or gore here, certainly not enough to satisfy the most rabid of fans. Yet another problem with the film was that even though the film was rated R it felt like a poorly done typical run-of-the mill horror film. I honestly don't know how this film got an R. It feels like a film made for only the most stupid and easily pleased of middle-schoolers


The main reason I went to this film was to see Megan Fox doin her usual queen of Sex routine, but we never get any closeups of her ass or even zooming shots over her body as she walks or dances. I'm convinced that with a male director the film could have delivered on the goods , but instead the film is surprisingly devoid of Megan's usual sexed-up persona, and as far as breast shots go the film was empty of that as well. There was a ton of internet hype about seeing Fox Boobage, even photos of the scene were leaked, but when we actually get to the scene it feels quickly edited to extract the said shots, showing everything BUT the objects we want to see, which is a huge dissapointment.


The film was advertised as a horror/comedy but fails to deliver in both categories. Diablo Cody seems to have wanted to make her version of a horror movie but can't seem to provide any suspense. She uses the oldest cliches in the book. The methods she uses have been done so many times that it gives the film a been there-done that feel. As far as comedy goes the film is terribly flat as well. There are a few giggles but nothing that you'll remember as you walk out of the theatre. You can expect Cody's usual sense of wit, but we already saw all that in Juno last year.

Just about the only scenes that actually work are with Needy and her boyfriend Chip (including a hilarious sex scene they share...once again; no boobs). They are just about the only characters that feel real and that you care about in the film. Together they have a natural charisma and charm that just draws the viewer in. Besides these the only other scene that is able to nab viewers attentions is the makeout scene between Needy and Jennifer, they get pretty up in there with each other and the scene quickly becomes pretty intense. It showed that Kusama and Cody knew what we wanted to see, but as to why they didn't make more scenes like this is a mystery.


The film, unfortunately, is more of a chick flick that was created to give girls a film to drag their BFFs to on a boring night. It offers absolutely nothing for men. Think Juno in a halloween costume.


All in all Jennifer's Body was not a very fun film to watch. Hindered by a less-than-worthy script (lots of bad lines), pretty mediocre directing, and a sloppy editing job the film had potential to be a smash-hit but fell short due to the efforts of Cody and Kusama. Jennifer's Body adds up to a dissapointing time at the movies.

Some ole Bullshit- 1 star

BEETLEJUICE'S SUMMER WRAP-UP

Hey there Beetle-heads. I've decided to wrap up the already long-gone summer with some quick movie awards.

FIRST COMES THE AWARD FOR BEST EFFORT

AND THE AWARD GOES TO: TERMINATOR SALVATION. I was one of the few people that actually enjoyed this flm. I thought that it's a misunderstood film for the most part. McG did his best to create a quality film but tragically fell short in the long run, failing to please most viewers.

NEXT UP IS THE COMEBACK AWARD.

AND THE AWARD GOES TO: SAM RAIMI FOR HIS WORK IN DRAG ME TO HELL. Raimi had started out making great films in the 80s but then made the somewhat dissapointing Spiderman Series. With Drag Me To Hell Raimi has proven that he's still got it. He made the comeback of the Summer.

NOW FOR THE FUNNEST FILM AWARD.

AND THE AWARD GOES TO: DRAG ME TO HELL. While Inglourious Bastards was a really fun film, it was interspersed with some truely serious moments, which is why this award goes to Drag Me To Hell. Every second of this film was pure, unadulterated FUN! You did good Sam Raimi...you should be proud.

NEXT UP IS THE BIGGEST DISSAPOINTMENT AWARD.

AND THE AWARD GOES TO: STAR TREK. This film had been hyped up beyond belief. The result: It tragically could not live up to my high expectations.

NOW FOR THE BEST ACTOR AWARD

AND THE AWARD GOES TO: SHARLTO COPLEY in DISTRICT NINE. He gives a no-holds barred performance in his first ever role on the big screen. He brought a healthy dose of humanity to the role that was missing in the other offerings this summer. The result: The audience was treated to a breath of fresh air.

NEXT IS THE AWARD FOR BEST ACTRESS

AND THE AWARD GOES TO: ALISON LOHMAN in DRAG ME TO HELL. The crap she goes through in this film and the amount of energy and gusto she throws into the role is amazing to watch on the big screen.

And now we get to the BIG awards

WORST FILM OF THE SUMMER AWARD

This award is a hard one. when thinking about the worst films I've seen this Summer 2 ones come to mind: Transformers 2 and Halloween 2 (coincidence these are both sequels?). In the end the only way I could answer this is if I asked myself the question: Which film would I rather never see again. so, with that question firmly answered there is only one film that truely deserves this award

AND IT GOES TO: TRANSFORMERS 2. While Halloween 2 was truely a terribly film I could probably sit through it one last time because it had several cool visuals, but with Transformers 2 I'd rather shoot myself than be forced to sit through that shit-fest again. It was one of the rare films where I was anxious for it to be over. It was a tortuous experience.

NOW, THE AWARD FOR BEST DIRECTOR.

AND THE AWARD GOES TO: QUENTIN TARANTINO for INGLOURIOUS BASTARDS. In the film Quentin treated the viewer to an epic tale of WW2. It was one of the most unique experiences I've had at the movies in a while.

NOW FOR THE BEST FILM OF THE SUMMER AWARD.

As I said in an earlier review District Nine and Inglourious Bastards found themselves in a race for best film of the summer. The results were really close and really hard to call because they were both so amazingly good and so different. One was a pure, amazing escapist fantasy epic experience at the movies and the other was an intelligent low-budget film that had the balls to delve into the darkest corners of Humanity and show what it found on the big screen for all to see. this was the hardest award to call.

AND THE AWARD FOR BEST FILM GOES TO:......... DISTRICT NINE. While I really enjoyed Inglourious Bastards and believe it to be MY favorite film of the Summer, I beleieve the best, highest quality, overall most well done film of the summer was district Nine for all of it's engrossing themes and disturbing visuals. THAT is why it won the Best Film award.

Thats it for the awards and my summer wrap up, thank you for reading and I hope you ALL had an amazing time at the movies this Summer.

Recap
BEST FILM: DISTRICT NINE
2ND PLACE/ MY FAVORITE FILM AWARD: INGLOURIOUS BASTARDS
3RD PLACE:DRAG ME TO HELL
WORST FILM: TRANSFORMERS 2
2ND PLACE: HALLOWEEN 2
COMEBACK AWARD: SAM RAIMI FOR HIS WORK IN DRAG ME TO HELL
BEST EFFORT: TERMINATOR SALVATION
BIGGEST DISSAPOINTMENT: STAR TREK
BEST ACTRESS: ALISON LOHMAN in DRAG ME TO HELL
BEST ACTOR: SHARLTO COPLEY in DISTRICT NINE
BEST DIRECTOR: QUENTIN TARANTINO for INGLOURIOUS BASTARDS

BEETLE'S BUG JUICE: HALLOWEEN 3-D!!!??

Considering the flop that we now know as Halloween 2 failed epicly at the box office I thought it was finally safe to say that The Halloween saga had finally come to an end. Well, unfortunately it would appear that I was wrong and Hollywood has no concept of when to lay a franchise to rest.

From what I've heard is that yet another Halloween film has been green-lighted, but this time Rob Zombie is not set to direct. He seems to have grown tired and disillusioned with the series while he was in the middle of the 2nd film. This may explain why Halloween 2 was so poorly done and felt so rushed. Anyways, The new director is rumored to be either Steve Miner or Patrick Lussier.

BUT WAIT, it gets worse. You're gonna have to hold your nose for this one folks because it has been confirmed that Halloween 3 will be filmed entirely in 3-D. Hollywood has really taken a unique effect and just axed it to pieces. OH NO, BODY PARTS FLYING AT MY FACE!!! gag me. the last 2 really good 3-D films I've seen were Monsters Vs. Aliens and Coraline. With My Bloody Valentine 3-D and G-Force in 3-D it seems like 3-D is now being used to cover the fact that some films are really crappy, hoping that having random crap fly out at the audience will distract us from realizing that we're witnessing the death of American Cinema. It really saddens me.

With Halloween 3-D I'm guessing that we can expect to see flying blood, body parts, and a crappy production value. I can only hope and pray that Halloween 3 will be the stake in the coffin of cheap 3-D effects. Halloween 3-D is currently slated for a 2010 release, so if you like the idea of havin Michael Meyers stab you to death via some crappy 3-D effects you don't have much longer to wait.

Till then I'm Beetlejuice and you've just been BUGGED.

BEETLE'S RETRO REVIEW OF THE STRANGERS

Hey there Beetle-heads and welcome to my first ever RETRO REVIEW.

Here's how it works: A retro review could be of a film that came out a year ago or even 40 years ago. Today the review at hand is the contemporary horror classic: THE STRANGERS. So, let's get this puppy rollin.

The Strangers stars Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman as Kristen Mckay and James Hoyt (a couple of lovebirds) that after a long day retire to James' family's summer home. However, it doesn't take long before a knock at the door sends the couple spiraling down deeper and deeper into a world of terror that there is seemingly no escape from.

The film is incredibly well-paced and takes it's time establishing itself and setting the mood before it delves into some serious territory. Every scare and startle in this film is real. It doesn't pull any punches and is one of the rare horror films that refuses to cheat or trick it's audience.

The main thing I LOVE about this film is that; unlike newer horror films; it doesn't rely on heavy violence or copious amounts of blood and gore to induce a scare, instead The Strangers uses extreme amounts of suspense and tension to get you to grasp your chair tighter and release a few yelps.

I've seen this film a total of 3 times and my reaction has always been the same. It seems to just get better with repeated viewings. The "Strangers" of the title are spooky, ghost-like people that wear masks and like to toy with their victims before they decide to finish them off (will Krisyen and James survive?), relishing in the terror they create and savoring the look on their victims faces as they kill them. Their sick puppies, to put it politely.

Overall The Strangers is a brilliantly executed masterpiece of pure terror. It's my personal favorite horror film to come out the last few years. If you're looking for genuine scares, terror, and a great simplistic plot then The Strangers is the film for you.

BETTER THAN SEX- 5 STARS

BEETLEJUICE'S REVIEW OF HALLOWEEN 2

All I really have to say is: WHY???

Halloween 2 is the continuing story of Laurie Strode and her psychotic Frankenstein creation seriel killer of a brother Michael meyers.

The film has many beautiful visuals that pop up on screen and really had potential to become a welcome part of the on-going story. Unfortunately every good thing in this film is buried underneath a pile of pointless kills, unlikeable characters that you honestly don't give two shits about, and an almost non-existant story.

All The characters you love are back except this time Rob Zombie was somehow able to take away everything that got you to care about them. Loomis has been turned into a selfish, uncaring jerk. Laurie is slowly going insane. Annie barely gets any screen time at all. The only character that really put on a good performance was Brad Douriff as the Sheriff and you can't really bring yourself to care about him either.

In This film Rob Zombie once again trys to play psycho-analyst as he delves even deeper into Laurie's and Meyer's minds. The only problem is that Zombie is NOT a psycho-analyst so these parts end up having nothng to say, nothng to add to the story, and only ends up confusing the viewer.

This Time Zombie ups the violence and has us witness increasingly more and more disturbingly violent murders. It's one thing to have kills that actually add something to the story and make sense...but this film is filled with pointless kills that add nothing but more pointless and unneeded violence to the film.

Zombie trys to convince us that there is indeed a story somewhere in this awful mess but as hard as I look I can't find it. Maybe it's buried underneath all the violence...but I doubt it. the film is basically about the battle for Laurie's soul. kinda lame.

Halloween 2 is a hollow shell of a movie. It looks kind of nice on the outside but it's got nothin nice goin on inside. If you were to open it up all you would find is a lot of blood and nothingness. Halloween 2 is basically a series of pointless, unneeded violence carelessly strung together by a limp, weak storyline. I wouldn't recommend this film to anyone in all honesty. It's just not an enjoyable film to see.

Some ole Bullshit- 1 star

Although the rated edition was terrible, The unrated was much better. The kills were more scattered throughout so it didn't feel like overkill (pardon the bad pun), the characters were more developed and had more complete arcs, and the ending was more satisfying (Michael SPEAKS!!!). I feel that the failure of the rated edition was due to the restraints the MPAA placed on Zombie and with those restraints taken off, Zombie is given the chance to show his complete disturbing vision for his Halloween film.
Unrated: 4/5

BEETLE'S REVIEW OF INGLOURIOUS BASTARDS

I may have spoken too soon when I said that District Nine was the best movie of the Summer...quite possibly the year, for a week after District Nine came out another film debuted that almost knocked D-9 off its feet. That film...was INGLOURIOUS BASTARDS.

The film follows a group of Americans during WW2 that have a dream: To hunt, torture, kill and scalp Nazis. The group's name is The Inglourious Bastards but are simply referred to as the Bastards thru-out the whole film. Given that the plot in itself sounds pretty bad-ass, the fact that the film is somehow able to surprise you and end up being even more bad-ass than you could have imagined was a thousand point bonus.

I had forgotten what a true quality film feels like and had gone into Bastards expecting your typical mindless action film. Let's get one thing straight here: Quentin Tarantino does not do mindless action. He rigs explosives to the big screen, attaches an amazingly well-thought out storyline, a well-written script and a cast of great actors (including Brad Pitt) to the explosives and sets the fucker to blow all over your mind. I walked out of the theatre shell-shocked and at a loss for words to describe this film.

To be fair I feel that I must point out some things that annoyed me about the film. First: It feels like Quentin trys too hard to make the Nazis unlikeable. They spit out cracks on just about every American Minority (Mainly Blacks)...even on America itself. Most Americans already hate Nazis, so it was like he was trying too hard to convince the audience of something we already know and believe.

The second thing that kind of annoyed me about the film is that even though the film is called the Inglorious Bastards the Bastards themselves are only in about 70% of the film. The rest consist of a secondary story arc about a Jewish chick named Shosanna that was able to escape the Nazis when she was younger and now hatches her own plot to destroy the whole of the Nazi army. It makes for a fairly interesting side-story but I came to see The Bastards; not some young, attractive chick grow some balls (not litterally) and come up with her own plan.

While I found these things annoying in no way did they prevent me from overall enjoying this masterpiece, and it should be the same for whoever buys a ticket to "Bastards".

In my opinion Bastards is right up there with Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction. It's definently a classic. I recently saw the film for a 2nd time in theatres and it was just as good as I remembered it being. When it ended I once again found myself cheering in my seat. A true testament to this films power.

Inglourious Bastards is easily one of the funnest and most guilt-free movies that's come along in a LONG time (You have no problem cheering when you watch one of the Nazi's get bludgeoned to death by a baseball bat). It's a bloody, rip-roarin good time at the movies that gives that other intelligent film D-9 a good run for it's money.

Overall "Bastards" adds up to a bad-ass time at your local theatre. Refuse to see it at your own risk.



Better than sex- 5 stars

BEETLE'S REVIEW OF DISTRICT 9

A cross of David Cronenberg's The Fly ,McG's Terminator Salvation, The Fugitive and E.T(YEAH, I SAID IT)...District 9 is a blow-out down-right amazing film. After leaving the theatre it will take you several minutes to piece together what you just saw...and when you do that's when it will hit you how truely special this film is. It is, in my opinion the best film of the summer...quite possibly the year. It's a breath of fresh air in the otherwise stale movie offerings this summer. Even though it has a gritty feel and look to it...it feels new and fresh.

It's a sci-fi film that manages the astonishing feat of never feeling like your typical sci-fi flick ( a true testament to how special this film is)It doesn't feel like T4, Alien, Blade runner, The Thing, etc. I kept forgetting that this was a sci-fi film...in fact most of the time it feels more like The Fugitive than an alien flick.

It was made on a really small budget but at times the effects are so fantastic that I began to think that they actually had a huge budget but lied to the public about it. Their THAT good!! (certainly better than those you'll find in T4 or Transformers 2)

Right from the beginning scenes the film establishes a feeling of realness. What you witness on the big screen seems like it's really happenning. The aliens look real and sound real...their grimy and dusty shells adding to the illusion of reality. The characters seem like real people you could encounter on the street and strike up a conversation with.

I am not going to explain the plot because this is one film where the less you know the better the film will be. All I will say is that District 9 follows a small population of Aliens and Wikus Van De Merwe (Pronounced Vikus or Wikus?? I still don't know) as he goes on the run from the agency he works for, finding a safe spot in District 9 (the home of the aliens). An instant connection with Wikus is established early in the film...it stays strong until you have left the theatre. You feel for his plight.He is one of the few heroes to come out of a summer film this year that you actually care about and have no trouble rooting for...you WANT to see this guy survive. You WANT everything to end up being all-right for him in the end. You WANT him to live happily ever after. But will he??

In my opinion this was the film that had the most humanity in it this Summer. Terminator Salvation tried to get us to root for humanity and gain renewed hope for the future but instead only got our interest whenever an explosion flashed across the screen or Sam Worthington's mug glared into our eyes. Transformers 2 tried to wow us with special effects and more of just about everything, It's strive for perfection was It's un-doing and it collapsed on itself.

District 9 is one of the rare films where it doesn't seem to care about what we think. It forces open our eyes and shows us a mirror. We see our greediness, our lack of morality and lack of compassion for others. The film condemns us and leaves us in the hot desert of South Africa to rot away slowly.

It is NOT a happy feel-good film, It is NOT a comedy and it most certainly is NOT an action-adventure. It is an unflinching cold stare that refuses to look the other way, exposing all our faults to our face. YES, IT'S SCARY.

District 9 is a special, one-of-a kind film. It gains points for it's refusal to glorify us and its refusal to reassure us that we're doing the right thing. In this film there are no easy answers and it leaves us with several things to chew on.

I left the theatre feeling raw and exposed...and you will too.


FULL PRICE- 4 STARS

(quite possibly an instant classic)

BEETLEJUICE'S TRIP REPORT FROM SUNNY CALIFORNIA!!!

HEY THERE BEETLE-HEADS!!! I just got back from my week-long CALIFORNIA VACATION and decided to bring back a trip report for all you normies (normal people) out there.

Let me start off by saying that California isn't exactly as they portray it in the movies. It's not all clean and shiny ( some parts are ex: Rodeo Drive, Bel-Air, Beverly Hills...to name a few). In fact some areas are pretty dirty and need some cleaning up (Hollywood Blvd...the area looks nice but is populated by moochers and homeless peeps...kinda freaked me out). As long as you stay in the "Right" parts of town you'll be fine.

So I got there around noon on Monday and it took us a good 2 hours to reach our hotel. We stayed at The Sheraton Universal City ( 2nd time roomin there...LOVE IT!!) which is located in the heart of Hollywood, a short distance from most of the popular attractons. Our room just happenned to overlook most of the Universal Studios Hollywood Theme Park. The staff at the hotel was really nice and accomadating. They gave really great directions and were pretty knowledgeable. If you're going to Hollywood this is the hotel I MUST reccommend. It made alot of potentially tough parts easier.

So our first day we headed off for Universal Studios Hollywood. The theming there is (in my opinion) much better than the park in Orlando. Unfortunately, the Universal Studios Hollywood park is lacking in rides but has plenty of shows, this adds up to alot of walking which can get tiring after a while.

For rides there's Simpsons (Fun), Jurassic Park (Prepare to get soaked), and Mummy (Wild, fun ride...but Orlando version is much better). For shows it has Creature from The Black Lagoon ( a surprisingly adult campy musical that I Loved), Terminator 2: 3-D ( Much better than the Orlando Version. The queue is much better, more in-theatre effects, and the theatre is alot bigger as well), Waterworld, Backdraft (Think Twister...but with fire instead of a tornado...great show), etc.

The main attraction at the park is the "World Famous" Universal Studios Tram Tour which takes guests right into the Universal Studios Backlot where they film movies. The tour guides are usually a bit hokey but there's plenty to keep you interested and entertained for the tour. You'll see The Bates motel, The Psycho House, The War of the Worlds Plane crash set, etc etc etc. It's pretty cool and is definently a must-see if you travel over to USH while in California.
Overall USH (Universal Studios Hollywood) is a great park and is definently a DO-NOT-MISS.

On Tuesday we got up bright and early and headed off to take a tour of the Warner Brothers Studio. While there we saw where they filmed the Spiderman upside-down kiss, Annie, The Way They Were (under the theatre Marque scene), Casablanca (The Paris set...last remaining set from the film), Whatever happened to Baby Jane, Eastwick ( we actually got to travel onto what was more or less a hot set of the town of Eastwick. The show is premeiring this fall on ABC), Oceans 13, etc.

After we were done there we headed over to Hollywood Blvd and visited the famous Manns Chinese Theatre ( where all the handprints of the stars are...in WDW a replica of it houses the Great Movie Ride). We got to take a tour inside of the theatre which was very interesting..the inside is beautiful. Afterwards we saw The Collector there ( Started out with a great plot and interesting characters, then once the serial Killer is introduced the plot conviently dissapears and the film turns into a torture porn...we left a good 20 minutes before the end). We then cruised around Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills, etc and grabbed a bite to eat at Mels Drive-In.

On Wednesday we traveled over to Disneyland for the day. The park is filled with rides and is gaurenteed to keep you occupied until closing time. I thought it was alot better than WDW in Orlando in terms of Ride quality and stuff. My favorite rides there were the Finding Nemo Sub Voyage, Splash Mountain, Haunted Mansion, Matterhorn, Pirates Of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones Adventure, and Space Mountain ( got to go on this one 3 times...last time I rode it I had a couple of hotties waiting in line in front of me, they got to sit in front of me as well...so that was kool).

On Thursday we traveled up to Santa Monica Beach and it's pier. We ate at Bubba Gumps ( get the Dumb Luck Coconut Shrimp...It's amazing) and spent a few minutes babe-watchin and then headed over to Malibu. Now, I was really excited about goin to Malibu...I had heard that it was bikini central and sunny beaches and all tht Jazz. I was wrong. They have all these houses built in front of the beach that are, like, interconnected so that you can't get over to the beach. You have to drive a few miles until you reach the entrance to the beach...it costs 10 bucks to park. So we forked it over only to find that the beach was extremely under-populated, the water was cold, and that it wasn't at all how they portrayed it in the movies. I was very dissapointed. Later that night we ate at House Of Blues (one of my favorite restaurants...Get the Elwood or the Pulled pork BBQ Sandwich..both are fantastic.)

On our drive back to the hotel we passed by The manns chinese theatre where we found tons of limos lining the street. It was the premier of GI Joe. The stars were all in front of the theatre but they were so clumped together we couldn't make any of them out.

On Friday we traveled back to USH for another day then chilled at Citywalk for a few minutes, takin in the atmosphere. I like the Citywalk in Hollywod alot more than the one in Orlando. I think it's alot cooler looking and has a better atmosphere.

On Saturday we cruised around town for a while and visited the Whatever Happenned To Baby Jane House, Nightmare on Elm Street House, and The 2 Halloween Houses (Michael Meyers house and the one where he is shot off the balcony). Afterwards we ate at The Ivy, a very fancy restaurant where the stars are known to eat...we didn't see any though. It was still pretty cool, except for the prices.

We left Sunday.

I've always loved California. The weather is usually pretty nice ( certainly better tha Florida's), it has a lot of things to see and keep you interested, and there's plenty to do there before you leave. The only downside to Cali is the roads are really bumpy and the traffic is usually insane...but that's how California's been for a while.

A trip to California is ALWAYS an Adventure ( trust me).

DO NOT MISS
---------------
Universal Studios Hollywood
Disneyland
Rodeo Drive
Manns Chinese Theatre
Santa Monica Beach

Beetle's Review of Let The Right One In.

If you happen to glance at reviews of this film online you'll find a recurring theme: most reviewers tend to agree that it is one of the best (if not THE best) vampire films to come out in a while.

Imagine what you would get if you mixed Twilight and Frankenstein together, that's essentially what we get with Let The Right One In, minus all the sappy teen love shit. Let The Right One in is a dark, beautiful, tragic and completely haunting tale of two 12 year olds, both alienated and outcasts, that meet and fall in love. One of them is a vampire.

I saw this film at the urging of my dad ( who still hasn't seen it, but kept going on about how great it was suppossed to be). I read the basic plot...and thought it sounded boring. It was with a good bit of hesitation that I finally viewed the film. Now that I have seen it I find the more I sit and think about this haunting film, the more I grow to like it.

Let The Right One In is a different kind of Vampire flick...unlike anything you've ever seen before. I don't lie when I say that there really is nothing that can prepare you for this film. It's not a horror film...and sure doesn't feel like your usual vamp flick. The pacing is (painfully) slow at times, there's never much excitement or action and it keeps the same tone thru-out most of the film. It's a very bleak film...but I liked it.

The film delivers one of the best vampire portrayals I've seen in a while. There hasn't been a character this beautiful and tragic since the portrayal of Frankenstein by Boris Karloff. We, the viewer, are equal parts terrified of her, but at the same time find ourselves falling in love with her as Oskar does. She is a beautiful, pale, awkward little girl. She doesn't appear to enjoy killing people but does so because, in her own words: she "must". At times she appears achingly innocent, but we know that she is capable of dark deeds. Her Name is Eli, and we follow her path of pain for most of the film. She is 12. Her lover is Oskar. A young, bullied and picked on kid that has begun to have fantasies about murdering his aggressors. She does what she can for him while trying to resist her apetite for his blood.

Anyone that has ever been bullied,alienated, outcast or felt like they are alone in this big World of ours is likely to find themselves attracted to the lovers and the themes that the story presents

Let the right one in is a hauntingly beautiful, dark little gem that we don't get the pleasure of viewing very often. It's a true, unique masterpiece that deserves to be seen and is a breath of fresh air in the otherwise re-make filled hollywood that we have today.

Breath it in and relax.

Full Price- 4 Stars

Life as I know it

Hey peeps. Happy BeLATEd Summer!! Well, since this is my last summer before I go off to College I've decided to make the most of it (don't worry, I'll continue to upkeep my blog while I'm away). Currently I'm going to be in a production of HSM2 ON STAGE!!! Unfortunately the instructors are a wii bit unprofessional, seems like they are in over their heads...but whatever. I am also lucky enough to have found a girl that seems to be interested in me as well ( fingers crossed). So, minus a few college speedbumps, my life is pretty swell right now. This Friday I'm trying to get a group together to see Bruno. If It works out well, I'll have my review up around Sat. or Sun.

So thats all for the first installment of Life as I know it.

BEETLE'S IN-DEPTH REVIEW OF TRANSFORMERS 2: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

How do you ruin a Transformers film?? All you need for it to succeed is action, somewhat of a plot, hot girls in arousing positions and some humor. How could anyone fuck this up?? Well, it is with great displeasure that I present to you Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen.

The first problem with the film is that it takes itself too seriously and the plot is overly complex. Basically the co-ordinates to an alternate energy source has been implanted into Sams mind by a fragment of the All-Spark that he discovered while packing for college. The remaining Decepticons find this out and and an all-out manhunt for Sam begins. It seems like every Decepticon in the universe is shipped out to Earth to find Sam. there is actually a part, i kid you not, when their able to take control of every entertainment outlet on Earth and threaten us with global destruction if the humans do not hand Sam over. It sounds horrible on paper but seeing it on the big screen makes it that much worse. The whole film was one big joke mixed with overly long action sequences. The only good parts of the film was when Mikeala leans over a bike and every time Alice ( a new girl at Sams college) appears on screen. Altogether this makes up maybe 20 minutes. Every other single second in this film was painful to watch.
What was so horrible you ask??

1. Sam Witwicky!! In this film he is a whiny little bitch. He runs, shits his pants, and screams for Bumblebee or Optimus every time he is cornered by a Decepticon. I wanted to bitch-slap him so fuckin hard.

2. The script. It was one horrible, cliched line after the next. "I'm just a normal kid with normal problems." "When I rise, you fall." It was groanworthy. I actually facepalmed several times throughout this film and the lines they give to the Autobots and decepticons are simply unforgiveably bad...things you'd never expect to hear out of a robots mouth. "Punk-Ass Decepticon."

3. The jokes. They weren't all that funny. it didn't help that there was one every 5 seconds ( No kidding) and each one was about sex or some other immature thing.

4. The 2 new Gangsta Autobots: Mudflap and Skids. They curse, use slang, and constantly mock the main characters. I'm pretty sure every other word out of their mouhs was pussy. Every time they came on screen my reaction was: what the F are these two even DOING in this film??

5. Sams Parents. Their given too much screen time and their lines are HORRIBLE. They just spit out unfunny jokes constantly. They took two of the funniest characters from the first film and just DESTROYED them.

6. The length. The film was WAY too long. For a 2 hour+ film it was incredibly fast-paced but the minutes seemed to go on forever. By the last 45 minutes or so of the film I was like " O.K., someone needs to put me out of my misery or this film needs to end NOW!!" There's nothing worse than wishing for a film to be over but knowing you still have a ways to go. Talk about torture.

7. The action sequences. At first they were pretty cool, but after about 35 minutes they get old fast. I found myself beginning to nod off whenever one of these came on the screen. They were also way too long.

8. The Plot. It's way too complex for a transformers film.

9. There was not enough Alice or Mikeala in the film. I felt that Alice at least deserved somewhat of a backstory.
This is only the tip of the iceberg folks.

To me the film represented the ultimate dumbing down of the American audiences. So now we're expected to laugh at every sex themed joke or sight gag even if they are truly unfunny and whip by every 5 seconds?? We're suppossed to cheer on cliched, unlikeable characters?? We're suppossed to drool over long, over-glossed action sequences that add up to nothing more than a fast blur of moving objects on screen?? I was probably the only one in my theatre that wasn't laughing insanely or drooling over the action sequences. True, i did clutch my seat tighter whenever the incredibly hot Alice or luscious Mikeala came on screen, but i'm young (18) so sue me.

This is what happens when execs, egos, and corporations are given free reign over a film and all fight for control. The whole film was a big ugly mess. I don't blame the actors for bashing this film, they deserve to complain. THIS FILM WAS SHIT! A worthless, pile of shiny shit and metal parts that you get tired of looking at after about 30 minutes.

The first film was frickin beautiful!! It found the right mix of Action, SFX, and humor. It was damned near perfect. I've never seen a film so effectivly wipe out every good memory that the first film gave me, but this one did exactly that. Words cannot describe my hatred of this film...it angered me so. I guarentee you that these bastards will come out with a 3rd Transformers film, but I won't be buying tickets to it. This film has erased all my excitement I've felt for the Transformers franchise.

If you think I'm being a bit harsh then I suggest you go out and buy tickets to Transformers 2 and then tell me if you agree or not...I'd love to hear your opinions.

As Roger Ebert would say: "I HATED THIS FILM!!! I HATED HATED HATED HATED HATED THIS FILM!!!

Fuck you - .5 stars (half a star)