BEETLE NAMES HIS PICKS FOR TOP FILMS OF 2010

HEY THERE BEETLEHEADS!!!!!!

As 2010 nears its close (by the time this is posted it will be 2011) I have been reflecting on the films I sampled this year. There was the Good ( Black Swan, Despicable Me), the bad (Jonah Hex, Legion), and the ugly (Get Him To The Greek, Little Fockers-review coming soon). As I look back there were several films that really rubbed me in the right way.....in such a right way that I dare say that they are the best of the year. Here, right now, I will list them and my initial reaction to them.

Let's start with Shutter Island. Shutter Island was the first great film released this year. As directed by the superb Martin Scorsese (who rarely disappoints) Shutter Island is an engrossing tale of paranoia and mystery that pits two US Marshalls against the possible forces of evil on a remote island that houses an insane asylum. Watching this film in a dark theatre, trying to figure out the mystery for myself only to have the rug pulled out from under me at the last minute (admittedly in retrospect the twist shouldn't be that surprising but by the time it comes around you are so wrapped up in the story that it manages to do what it is meant to) was one of the biggest treats of the year for me. Shutter Island ended up surprising me in that a pretty neat film turned into a true masterpiece upon further viewings, the scope of the performances and the little nuances coming into full view. I noticed little things that I hadn't on the first viewing and continue to do so with each repeated viewing. This film is easily 2nd best of the year for me, rivaling Black Swan for the number 1 spot. Adapted from a novel by one of my new favorite authors, Dennis Lehane (who also wrote the superb Mystic River which was also turned into a fantastic film), it should be no surprise that Shutter Island was as good as a paranoid psychological thriller could be. If Leo's performance as Teddy Daniels doesn't make it into the best actors category for the Oscars it's a damn shame.

127 Hours- The enthralling story of a man who finds his arm crushed under his boulder and the strength he finds within himself to survive against all odds is surprisingly not boring, and whats more, manages to be an imaginative, tear-jerking masterpiece. James Franco is at his best here. SEE IT!!

The Kids Are All Right- The story of a lesbian family holds one of the most realistic and relatable portrayals of a family seen in recent years. Funny and tragic this is yet another film that should not be missed.

The Ghost Writer- All you need to know is 2 words: Roman Polanski. He's back and just as good as we remember him being. In his most recent outing he weaves a convoluted tale of political intrigue, sabotage, and murder starring a ghost writer referred to only as ghost (played by Ewan McGregor). Hired by a politician who has recently come under fire for some war issues he is involved in, it is his job to write the poiliticians biography. He soon becomes a target for some shady individuals who seem determined to prevent him from digging up the truth. It may not be his best work, but Roman easily proves that even after years of forced retirement he's still got it.

Hot Tub Time Machine- I LOVE time travel films, but never before has the time traveling vehicle been a hot tub. The filmmakers took what could have been a one trick pony and fleshed it out into a fun, original, imaginative laugh-fest. This film not only made me laugh (HARD) it also brought back Crispin Glover in one of his most memorable roles he's had recently, the bad-tempered one-armed bellhop that in the past was quite the bad-ass. What more do you need to know about this film to know that it's freakin awesome?!! If you haven't seen this one yet GO RENT IT...NOW!!!!

How To Train Your Dragon in 3-D - Finally, a Dreamworks film that rivals Pixar. It's about damned time. While it still falls victim to some of Dreamworks staples (some cliches), it still shows a surprising depth, maturity, and beauty that was hitherto unseen in Dreamworks films. The simple story of a boy and his dragon succeeds in being both quietly humorous and touching. The film also deals with the themes of being yourself and doing the right thing. As much as it pains me to say it, I still think that Dreamworks beat Pixar at its own game this year.

Tangled- The final Disney animated fairy tale is a mature, beautiful, and touching revamp of the classic tale of a girl with golden locks that has been holed up in a tower for most of her life. With superb animation, character development, and a mature story,Tangled easily emerges as the best (and my personal favorite) animated film of 2010.

Kick-Ass- This film really spoke to me. Who hasn't ever dreamed of putting on a cape and kicking ass in the name of truth and justice. Hello wish fulfillment. While it is ultra-violent and it does get a tad bit serious near the end, all this still does not diminish the fun to be had in watching this film. Be sure to keep your eyes out for a feisty, foul-mouthed 11 year old because she's easily the most memorable part of this film, besides the violence of course.

Iron Man 2- 2010 was the return of Tony Stark. While many I talked to did not care for Iron Man 2, I personally loved the hell out of it. More mature than the last one with better characters, character development, and action scenes ( more action scenes as well), Iron Man 2 in my opinion was better than it's predecessor in all the right ways. It also easily earns the title of best super-hero film of 2010.

MacGruber- Who here doesn't love the SNL sketch featuring that be-mulleted Macgyver wannabe?? Well the film is just as good, if not better. While the story and characters may not be the strongest seen in a comedy, it's the laughs that matter here. Another film that made me laugh (HARD). This is another must-see if you love juvenile antics and grown men acting like idiots. While there may not be as many that appreciate this brand of humor I am proud to stand up and say I am one of the few left. Macgruber is in my honest opinion the funniest film of 2010, and it wears its R rating with honor and pride.

Toy Story 3- 2010 marked the return of Woody and Gang for yet another exciting sequel to the unforgettably imaginative Toy Story and Toy Story 2. It feels good to see the gang back in action once again. This time Woody and gang face unforeseen hardships as Andy prepares for college and has gotten too old to play with his toys (though he still does look upon them with fondness). Through a series of mishaps the toys find themselves trapped in a daycare ruled with an iron fist by the unforgettable Lots-O-Huggins Bear (Voiced by Ned Beatty). The film feels like it's been made for the kids that grew up with the series, most being around Andy's age by now (I grew up with the series and I'm 20). Made with a good amount of nostalgia and reverence, I'll be damned if I didn't tear up at the end. Toy Story 3 is just as good as one and two, a great, rare feat for a trilogy to accomplish.

Cyrus- This film was marketed as another in a long line of Stepbrothers type films. Inappropriate humor, childish antics, etc. So you can imagine my surprise when Cyrus ended up being a surprisingly mature, dark, and disturbing tale about a grown sons attachment to his mother and his reaction when an outsider threatens to come between the two of them. John C. Reiley steals the scene as John, a lonely and neglected divorcee who falls in love with Molly (Cyrus's mom, played by Marisa Tomei). He is instantly relateable and gains the audiences sympathies and support after the first several scenes. Despite the title of the film John really is the focus of the film as the frustrated and befuddled man in love who is stuck with a tough situation when Cyrus (played by Jonah Hill) attempts to tear them apart. This is easily my favorite role that John C. Reiley has had. Cyrus is one of the best of the year because of its status as a decidedly different kind of comedy. How refreshingly fresh.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World- Another film where you only need to know two words: Edgar Freaking Wright!!!!! Ok, thats three words...so sue me. The director of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz does not disappoint with this tale of love sick Scott Pilgrim (played by Michael Cera)who plays guitar for indie band Sex Bob-Omb. When he falls in love with the mysterious Ramona Flowers (Played by the incredibly sexy Mary Elizabeth Winstead) he finds himself having to fight off her seven evil exes in order to have a real chance with her and prove his love. With a stellar supporting cast, including Kieran Culkan as Scott's cool gay roomate Wallace Wells who is overflowing with sarcasm and wit. The film is bursting with the same stuff (sarcasm and wit), and also carries a good dose of heart to boot. Based on a comic book series by Bryan Lee O'Malley, don't miss this one since it's easily the most imaginative and original film to come out of 2010.

Piranha 3D- How could I NOT include this film in my top films list? It's got something for everyone (LITTERALLY!!!!). I've already said all I can about this film in my previous review, but let me quickly recap- bare breasts, lots of fun, great performances, keeps the promises it made, no disappointments to be had here. It would be a sin if this one did not make it into my top films list. SEE IT!!!!

Paranormal Activity 2: In a year full of horror films that disappointed, Paranormal activity 2 did not. With a better story and better pacing, Paranormal Activity 2 succeeds where its predecessor didn't...it scares the shit out of you.

The Last Exorcism- One of the best horror films of the year. Love the commentary about religious fanatics and skeptics. It has engrossing themes, memorable performances all around, and some seriously scary shit going down. It all makes for the best horror film of the year...at least, in my opinion.

Easy A- A smart film for smart people (at least, thats how it feels). Easy A wears its influences on its sleeve, and surprisingly that makes it all the more endearing to me . With the drool-worthy Emma Stone helming the lead as well as a stellar cast (Thomas Haden Church, Patricia Clarkson, Stanley Tucci, Amanda Bynes, Malcolm McDowell), the films got stars and clever humor to boot....how did you NOT expect this one to miss out on my list. If you're smart (and I hope you are) you'll see this film.

The Social Network- What started out being ridiculed before its release, quickly turned into one of the best films of the year. With a stellar script by Aaron Sorkin and a breakout leading performance by Jesse Eisenberg ( finally breaking away from his image as the other Micael Cera) The Social Network was a surprisingly mature, deep, smart, and witty film that was instantly unforgettable.

Black Swan- The best film of 2010 is a thrilling portrayal of a ballet dancer on the edge. Done with plenty of sex, style, and bravura all around, Black Swan is instantly unforgettable, touching, sad, scary, and enthralling all at once. A feat that only master filmmaker Darren Aronofsky could pull off. Oh, and did I mention that it features a scene of Natalie Portman touching herself....now THAT'S class.

HONORABLE MENTION:

Winter's Bone: Originally I had this in my top films list, but on further reflection I realized that the only reason I had put it in was because of Jennifer Lawrence's amazing performance. Unfortunately, a performance does not make a film great. I did not find the story all that noteworthy or amazing....it served its purpose though. In the end, Winter's Bone was a great film, but I did not consider it the best of the year.

Despicable Me- Starring the voice of Steve Carrell as Grumpy Villain Gru. Some of the antics have a Looney Tunes Flair to them. The film doesn't bring much to the table for the older viewers yet manages to entertain both, I guess it's that whole young-at-heart thing. The story is clever, yet recycled (hardened bad guy is softened by a group of rambunctious kids), but thanks to its cleverness (keep an eye out for a Lehman Bros joke) the film saves itself. Despicable Me is a treat for all ages.

And that, BEETLE-HEADS, is my top films of 2010 list. it may not be long, but it's mine. I hope you enjoyed it and here's wishing you all a very merry 2011 movie season.

BLACK SWAN IS THE BEST FILM OF 2010

Black Swan is a beautifully engaging dark mindbender from the warped mind of Darren Aronofsky.

It's the story of Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman), a repressed ballet dancer that lands her dream roles of The White and Black Swan Queens in a production of Swan Lake. The stress that Nina experiences preparing for these roles slowly begins to take a toll on her mental psyche and eventually drives her to the very edge of sanity. I've already said too much as it is, so I won't elaborate any more.

Natalie Portman does an amazing job as Nina; the uber-obsessed and innocent ballet dancer that finds out the hard way that getting what you want ain't all its cracked up to be. Mila Kunis puts on a different performance from her previous ones as Lilly; Nina's friend that may or may not be after her role. Vincent Cassel puts on a decidedly creepy and inspiring performance as Thomas Leroy; the director of Swan Lake. Barbara Hershey is also perfect as Nina's overbearing, obsessed ex-ballet dancer mother that has pushed Nina to land the lead roles.

The cinematography in Black Swan is some of the best and most interesting of the year. Throughout the film the camera trails closely behind Nina and swirls around her as she dances though her rehearsals, sometimes to the point where it may make some with motion sickness, uh, sick. Darren makes some very interesting choices with the movements of his camera and constantly breaks the actors personal space, getting right up in there during some of the crucial and most mind-melding moments of the film. This all helps to suck the viewer right into Nina's world as we become witnesses to her slowly degrading mental state, viewing most of the proceedings from her twisted point of view (yet another interesting choice).

Let's not forget about the choreography seen here because, after all is said and done this film does focus on ballet a good bit. Natalie Portman proves she is not only a great actress, she is also an enchanting ballet dancer as every shot of her dancing is Portman herself and not some double. It's this fact that helps the viewer to greater appreciate the dancing she does here since, let's admit it, ballet does seem like a pretty hard thing to do. The Swan Lake sequences are beautiful in and of themselves and the film explains the story of Swan Lake in the simplest terms so that everyone in the theater can comprehend it. The film itself is almost step for step the story of Swan Lake as well as doubling as a metaphor for Hollywood and a commentary on the art of creativity ....another interesting choice (if you haven't noticed by now, this film is chock full of interesting choices).

The score for the film is a mix of the actual score for Swan lake and an original score for the film. Now, since I'm not a ballet enthusiast I cannot say which is used where but I can say that they mix together quite nicely and I honestly couldn't say where the original score stopped and the Swan Lake score began.

If anything, Black Swan will be sure to leave most viewers with a higher appreciation for the art of ballet and the amount of time, energy and stress that goes into a production. Nina is so obsessed with becoming the Black Swan (hence the title) and is being pushed by so many around her to do the perfect performance that the stress and pressure ultimately drive her insane, and the audience along with her. Throughout the film we are never truly sure of what is really happening and what Nina is actually hallucinating. It's a real treat when you can't trust what is being shown to you, making the whole movie a guessing game until the shocking finale.

Black Swan plays out like a really bad acid trip, and I mean that in the best way possible, as a compliment. All the actors here do a phenomenal job and should be commended for their work, Natalie Portman especially. In the end all the pieces (camera work, chereography, acting, directing, script, Score, etc) come together to form one big confusing puzzle that is never fully completed until the final minutes of the film. Black Swan more than deserves it's place in the Best Picture nominees for the 2010 Oscar Season, I can't remember a single thing wrong with this film. It's very rare where I can't wait to see a film again but Black Swan did exactly that, it took me on a migraine inducing, head spinning joyride and left me screaming for more.

5/5 BETTER THAN SEX

BEETLE REVIEWS JONAH HEX

One of the worst crimes a film can commit is to be so unforgivingly boring and uninteresting. It is this crime that the film Jonah Hex commits constantly during its 81 minute running time. Although I must say this in its defense, it's not as painfully bad as Old Dogs was.

Jonah Hex is the story of an ex-confederate soldier named Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) who, when he disobeys the orders of his corrupt commanding officer; Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich); actidentally causes the death of Quentin's son. Seeking vengence, Quentin ties Jonah to a makeshift cross and forces him to watch as he burns down his house with his family inside, afterwards burning his initials into Jonah's face. Long story short, Jonah almost dies but is rescued by a bunch of indians and comes back with the power to talk to the dead. Several years later, Quentin creates a doomsday weapon which will tear apart the United States and the only person who can stop him is Jonah Hex, who has since found work as a bounty hunter.

There are several weak elements in Jonah Hex. The acting is done with a shrug of "I could care less" (every actor in the film does this), the story is thrown together hurredly, the editing is super-choppy, and even the action sequences had me yawning.

Part of the problem is that we, the audience, are given literally NO REASON to care about the proceedings. Jonah is given a good amount of backstory but it's all fairly standard material (to be fair though, the film is based off a DC comic), guy is forced to watch death of family and seeks revenge against villain who did it. Josh Brolin's acting doesn't help things either. He speaks in a barely audible mumble and has a very monotone emotionless delivery to almost every single one of his lines (the prosthetic that covers half of his face doesn't help things since it basically paralyzes half of his face ). He seems like he isn't enjoying his role here one little bit. The other much touted star of the film; Megan Fox; is given pretty much nill to do here except to stand around and look hot, although lets be honest with ourselves, the chick can't act worth squat so let's consider this a blessing. The only memorable scene she has is when she is in a corset where her breasts are just begging to be set free. Damn PG-13 rating.

The main doomsday weapon seems thrown together with no thought given to it at all. It's basically 5 cannons strapped onto a wheel. Oooh, threatening, BUT WAIT they first shoot out cannonballs and then shoot out a small, orange, glowing ball that makes everything explode....doesn't that sound cool???? No???? I thought so too. Maybe if they took a good few minutes to explain how the thing works it would seem more threatening. Nope! Like everything else in the film they just slap it onto the screen and expect us to care because it's a movie.

Is there any character development??? Little to none. Are the action scenes exciting???? Nope, as I already said I actually outright YAWNED during some of them!! Just about the only good parts of the film are some of the one-liners and sight gags (Jonah shoots a bad guy back into the coffin he hopped out of) and the scenes where Jonah gets to interact with the dead, but there's only three of those throughout the film. For a film that's main hook is a guy that can talk to dead guy's you'd think they'd build on that alot more than they actually do.

Pretty much the filmmakers took us, the audience, for granted. They took the typical rich kid attitude toward the creation of this film: "You should care about this because we said so." Well, they didn't say so. They took a bunch of tired western cliches that they didn't know how to use properly, an uninteresting story, and some pretty dull characters and tried to spice the whole thing up with an interesting trait that they don't even bother to blink at and some uninspired action scenes. Overall, if the filmmakers didn't care when they made this garbage then why should we care about it when we watch it? It's not a terrible film (it is bad though), it's just boring.

1/5 Stars SOME OLE BULLSHIT

RETRO REVIEW: EIGHT MILLIMETER

Let me start out this review with the statement that this is not a film for everyone.

8 MM follows Private Eye Tom Welles (Nicholas Cage) as he is hired by a wealthy widow to investigate a dubious film reel that she finds in her deceased husbands safe. The film reel appears to be that of a snuff film. With porn store clerk Max California (Joaquin Phoenix) as his guide Tom delves into the seedy world of pornography as he searches for answers.

The acting done here is all of a superb quality. Nicholas Cage, Joaquin Phoenix, James Galdofini, Peter Stormare, and Chris Baur all put on jarring performances as the leads, the latter three of the list portraying three of the most disgusting, despicable characters ever seen in a film. Chris Baur's performance here is sure to affect just about anyone. Joaquin Phoenix is great fun as the niave and innocent bad talking clerk who fancies himself a bad ass that teams up with Tom to help him solve the mystery (Like all good sidekicks he eventually finds himself in waaay over his head), he almost steals every scene he's in and is thus one of the most memorable characters in this film. Nic Cage also acts his heart out here as a faily well-cut man that begins to change as he delves deeper into this darker world. The climax of the film is sure to throw most viewers onto the edge of their seats in tension and anticipation, you can't beat a climax like this one...it's damned near perfect.

While it may borrow some of its themes and its tone from Blue Velvet, it one ups its predecessor by upping the intensity and subtracting its happy ending. This is the ending Blue velvet felt like it was building up to, and its the one I honestly prefer. In the end, the good guy doesn't really win over the forces of evil he faces, instead he becomes like them...that in itself makes for one hell of an interesting twist (even though I have seen it done before).

Even though I may not be a big fan of Joel Scumacher I must say this is the best film that he's made. I'm really digging the dark tone of the film and how the latter half really pulls a 180 on the audience. It makes for a neat trick that most films are unable to perform correctly, happily this is one of those films that gets it right.

The film is incredibly dark and does make for some pretty tough viewing. It inevitably will leave some (I'd dare say most) with a bad aftertaste, but despite this I still think it to be a superb film that is pretty well crafted and succeeds in building thick suspense and tension.

With some engrossing (and disturbing) themes, several cool characters, and a wondefully dark tone 8 MM is sure to be a film that most will find pretty hard to forget.

4/5 stars

BEETLE REVIEWS HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART ONE

I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at a midnight showing on Thursday. After much contemplation on this film I now bring my review to you today.

2010 seems to be the year where franchises go to die. So far we've had Toy Story 3, Saw 3D and now the beginning of the end for the enormously popular Harry Potter Franchise: Harry Potter and The Deatly Hallows Part One.

This review may get a bit confusing for those who have never read a HP book or seen a HP film, so bear with me as I try to make this as newbie friendly as possible. Of course, I can't go over every little detail of the previous films and, unfortunately, that's whats required in order to understand this wonderfully dark piece of art. So, before you run out to view this one I highly reccommend that, if you've never seen a HP film before, you run out and get caught up. Trust me, it'll make the sentimental moments and some of the exposition easier to follow.

HPATDHP1 (Wow, what an abbreviation huh...maybe I should jus go with HPDH1) begins where Half-Blood prince left off: With Dumbledore dead and several Horcruxes (Soul containers) scattered about that need to be found and destroyed. After several attacks from Death Eaters (A nasty bunch of Voldemort followers that are after Harry) Harry, Ron, and Hermoine decide to go on a hunt for the remaining horcruxes and destroy them in an effort to weaken Voldemort (The horcruxes contain pieces of voldemorts soul, thus with each one they destroy the weaker Voldemort will get).

The acting seen here is quite possibly the best seen in a HP film to date. The characters go through some interesting changes. Their relationships are inevitably strained as their loved ones are killed off and tough decisions are made. The most satisfying character arc is that of Ron in this film. He has several surprising moments that redifine his relationship with Harry, his best friend throughout the franchise. Harry and Hermoine's relationship is also redefined in this film in some surprising ways. Rupert Grint (Ron), Daniel Radcliffe (Harry), and Emma Watson (Hermoine) have evidently matured with each new film that was released, so the acting done by the three here is quite convincing and comes across as genuinely human (The scene at the beginning in which Hermoine has to erase her parents memories of her in order to protect them is especially painful and heart-wrenching to watch). It is made clear that these characters are going through trying times and are finding out new things about themselves. Rounding out the cast are the amazing David Thewlis as Remus Lupin; one of Harry's old teachers and one of his protectors; Helena Bonham Carter as the despicable and dirty Bellatrix Lestrange; Tom Felton as Harry's former classmate and reluctant bad guy Draco Malfoy; and Bill Nighy as head of Ministry of Magic Rufus Scrimgeour.


Deathly Hallows is by far the most sentimental and reminiscinent Harry Potter film to date. Several items (Like the golden snitch from the first film) and characters (Dolores Umbridge and Dobby the House Elf) from previous films reappear to help flesh out the story and take it in a new direction. I, for one, was ecstatic to see Dobby back again. He was one of the best parts of The Chamber of Secrets and his prescence here helps to raise the film up to a higher degree. While he isn't necessarily a lead player, he is a crucial element to the story and shares a good amount of screentime with Grint, Watson, and Radcliffe. His ultimate character arc is quite sad, but still uplifting nontheless.

HPDH1 is a darkly magical film that dares to focus on the human element instead of on magic (a decision that other Potter films did not make). I thought that this was a welcome change that made the stroy here all the more engrossing and watchable. HPDH1 still boasts some impressive effects work including a Dementor scene and a showdown between Ron and what lies in one of the horcruxes. Yet another surprising addition to this film is an exquisite animated portion that helps to explain the legend of the Deathly Hallows. The portion is done using CGI but looks hand-drawn. It is one of the most surprising pieces in this film and one of the best as well. Deathly Hallows does drag its feet at times, but due to the focus on the characters this is never more than mildly annoying.

With all this said, there are a few dissapointments found in HPDH1. The main souce of disapointment for me is that the majestic Hogwarts Castle is never viewed once during the 146 minute running time of this film. Another annoyance is, with all the information they throw at you in this film it's kind of hard not to get a bit confused every now and then (yet another reason why rewatching the previous films before viewing this one is a MUST).

Overall, while HPDH1 may not be the best Potter film to date, it still remains one of the best in the franchise due to its stunning special effects, strong character development, surprising character twists, and some cool sentimental elements thrown in for good measure. HPDH1 is a film that I highly reccommend to any Harry Potter fan.

4/5 Stars

SAW 3D

At long last, we have arrived at the FINAL chapter of the Saw Franchise.

The story this time around centers around a self-help guru that claims to be another Jigsaw survivor. Of course, he's lying (NO, THATS NOT A SPOILER!!!!! THERE IS NO SURPRISE WHEN THEY CONFIRM THIS AT THE END OF THE FILM) and soon finds himself in another of Jigsaws convoluted mazes which feels sadly familiar. No seriously, This film feels just like Saw 3 and Saw 6. What, did the film makers decide to go the safe route and rely on a tried and true formula instead of deciding to take the riskier route? Seriously disapointing, I mean this IS supposed (key word: Supposed) to be the final outing, so why not pull out all the stops and give the audience a fireworks show of an ending?

I've sat through every single Saw entry so far, and I must say that this one feels like the last entry. Why??? Well, for one the filmmakers seem tired....BORED even!!! The first 3 traps are really neat (The opening one being the best in the whole franchise I'd dare say) but the traps that come after are just plain lazy. There's one trap where the hero has to guide a friend along some planks high above the ground, one misstep and the friend gets hung. What's the gimmick??? THE FRIEND IS WEARING A BLINDFOLD! Really, filmmakers??? thats the best you could come up with here??? A BLINDFOLD??? shoot me. And the last trap is sure to piss off any Saw fan SPOILER ALERT because there is no way Jigsaw would create a trap where it is LITTERALY impossible to win. Pissed me off. Seriously though...it just seems like jigsaw had an idea who his next victim would be but never specified the traps to put him through.

Do I really have to talk about character development here???? I do??? Ok, FINE!!!!! The main hero cop in the film, Gibson (Chad Donella) is apparently brain dead. Almost everyt line and piece of delivery he has is eye-gougingly bad. There's a scene in the film where he has Jill Tuck; the widow of Jigsaw; holed up in a safehouse for protection. She tries to tell him that Hoffman (Jigsaws successor) knows where she is but he scoffs her off and says something along the lines of "THIS IS A SAFEHOUSE". Not even a minute after he says this he gets a message from Hoffman saying he knows where she is. STUPID !!!!! In fact, this film makes cops look bad. There's another scene where a bunch of cops break into the maze to save the "hero" of the film, but what do they do??? they take their time, they dick around and eventually set off a trap which kills them off. IDIOTS!!! Ok, enough ranting...let's move onto the "hero's" performance. In this film the hero/main victim is Bobby (The self-help guru, played by Sean Patrick Flannery). Amazingly he puts on a pretty good performance, succeeding in gaining the audience's sympathies. He does try a little too hard at times, which is an effort I appreciate but this film does not deserve. Jigsaws performance here is pretty cool but adds garnered disbelief on my part. he only really appears in one scene (sad misuse of Tobin Bells acting chops) and the scene he's in would appear to imply Bobby has been doing this scam since before Saw 3. The scene confused me and seemed like a cop out. The filmmakers seemed like they needed to throw one scene of Jigsaw in there and opted for a cheap, easy one that only convolutes the plot even more.

Now onto the 3D. You'd expect a movie filmed in 3D and made for 3D would be pretty cool in 3D. WRONG!!! Sure, blood splatters into the audience every now and then, yeah, pieces of traps penetrate the screen...but for the most part the filmmakers don't seem to know how to use the 3D technology to their advantage. All the 3D does here is make the film more grusome and brutal than previous ones. I was sadly disapointed...skip 3D and opt to see it in 2D instead.

In the end Saw 3D is more confusing, unnecessary, and god-awful boring (a sin!!!) than any of the previous installments. It does succeed in wrapping up the story quite nicely (Dr. Gordon reappears, his scenes were some of the only good ones in the film even though, ONCE AGAIN, his arc doesn't make sense in this one. How does a guy go from wanting to kill Jigsaw in the first Saw film to doing this in the last one???) and some of the traps are pretty cool to watch. unfortunately, Saw 3D is still more or less an overwhelming failure that is due to lazy filmmaking and total disregard for what was set up in previous films. They could have done better, but as it is....it's still bearable....barely.

2/5 stars

BEETLE REVIEWS THE ROCKY HORROR GLEE SHOW

This is my first ever review if a TV episode...so bear with me guys.

Normally I wouldn't review a TV episode...let alone a TV episode of Glee. I'm not very big into Glee to be quite honest. I love the songs they choose to cover and I appreciate how the show is making the arts popular and appealing to the mainstream. I am a big supporter of theatre and the arts and think it's great that this show is getting the news out about it. That said, I don't think the show has an appealing plot or any real staying power so I've more or less just stuck with the Cds they've made. I've never actually seen a full episode of the show until now. I had heard that the show was planning on doing a Rocky Horror tribute episode so me being the big Rocky Horror fan that I am, of course I was intrigued. When the episode was finally released online I gave it a viewing. What was my reaction???? well...it was good for what it was.They added a few more sing-songy parts than were in the original film (understandable, this is a theatre tv show after all) and they chose a chick to play Frank N Furter (A SIN I SAY...A SIN!!!! Probably made this choice so they would not offend the censors) as well as changing a few lyrics (once again...censors). But, surprisingly there was more good than bad. the cover versions of the songs were all pretty fun and definently enjoyable. Adding to the fun was the surprise appearance of Uncle Jesse from Full House playing the role of Eddie (John Stamos) as well as another surprise appearance by Barry Bostwick (Brad from Rocky Horror). The people that were chosen to play Brad, Riff Raff, Magenta, and rocky all fit in quite nicely with their roles (My favorite was Rff Raff of course).

So overall, The episode gets props from me for having the balls to actually do a rocky Horror tribute, quite possibly the raciest movie in history. I'm hoping that the episode will get those virgins out there curious enough to go give the film a rental. While the episode didn't help to spike my interest in the show overall it still did get a respectful nod for doing something quite brave. this is one episode that I reccomend for a Halloween night viewing (online) if there is nothing else scary enough on the TV.

3/5 Stars

FRIGHT FEST REVIEW: BEETLEJUICE

"Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose."

Oh Beetlejuice. What a fun, crazy film. Right from the opening credit score which deftly mixes the opening of classic song "Day-O" (Which will come into play later on in the film) with an original opening by Danny Elfman most should know they've walked smack dab into something unique.

Beetlejuice is the story of happily married couple Barbara (Geena Davis) and Adam Maitland (Alec Baldwin). One day, while driving into town they actidentally drive their car off a bridge and when they finally arrive home, come to the startling realization that they are dead...a fact that both don't take too kindly too. Their home is sold off to city folk Delia ( Catherine O' Hara) and Charles Deetz( Jeffrey Jones) and their gothic daughter Lydia (Winona Rider). Pushed one step too far when the Deetz's decide to so some redecorating, Barbara and Adam turn to Bio-exorcist Beetlegeuse/Beetlejuice (Michael Keaton) to help them rid their home of the unwelcome guests. Of course, what the Maitlands don't realize is that whenever Beetlegeuse is involved things are bound to get a little complicated.

For the first half of the film brilliant director Tim Burton treats the audience to what his version of the afterlife is like. During this part things are little bit slow but still amusing nontheless, aided by Burton's mean dark humor streak he injects into the film. Of course the part everyone is waiting for is the grand entrance of that loveably wacky Poltergeist Beetlegeuse, and what a grand entrance it is. The film continually teases the viewer with pop-up appearances by the ghoul until he finally enters the film as one of the key players, and once he is introduced, well, that's when the real fun begins.

Beetlejuice (For all those who haven't seen the film) is a fast talking, loud mouthed, crazy, wild west type poltergeist that bills himself as the afterlife's most famous bio-ecorcist. His specialty?? Ridding homes of the living. He bursts forth onto the screen in all his uncontrolled ADHD-type glory. He is a sight to be seen and remains one of the most unforgettable screen antagonists ever dreamed up. In Beetlejuice he steals the spotlight in every single scene he appears in and acts as the films's more-or-less villain...even though the V word is a little too harsh in my opinion. He's a prankster that likes to mess stuff up and doesn't care about what the consequences of his actions are. Does this make him a villain??? Kinda...but not totally.

The film is chock-full of memorable scenes such as Beetlegeuse's main entrance, a hilarious dinner scene set to the tune of Day-O, and the Grand finale in which Beetlegeuse is called upon to save the day and then some. While most of the film is somewhat slow, all is made up for by the prescence of Keaton as his most memorable role to date (screw Batman). If you're in the mood for some knee-slapping fun and all out hilarity then feel free to slip this one into your DVD player. A good time is just about guaranteed.

3/5 stars

FRIGHT FEST NEWS

Ok folks...since we are unfortunately running dangerously close to the end of my Fright Fest ( I know...try to hold in the tears guys) I am now going to post a quick list of all the other films I will be reviewing before Halloween.

The Goonies

Fright Night

The Lost Boys

Beetlejuice

Trick 'r Treat

and a very special review of the ultimate Halloween film ever dreamed up...what is it you ask?? Well, you'll have to wait until Halloween to find out.

Once BEETLE'S HALLOWEEN FRIGHT FEST ends I will be starting a new feature on the site called Movies I Love. Expect past reviewed films and new films to be brought up. No review will be posted, instead I will go into my history with the film and why it is I love it.

Ok, with all that out of the way let's continue on with BEETLE'S FRIGHT FEST

BEETLE'S FRIGHTASTIC TRIP REPORT FROM HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS 20

Hey there Beetle-heads!!!! It's that time of year again...thats right, it's time for my trip report from scare central: Halloween Horror Nights 20.

Let me start out by asking if there is anything better than coming home smelling like fog? HHN uses copious amounts of fog and I've got to be honest, I'm addicted to the smell of it...smells like Halloween, and I do love coming home drenched in that scent.

This year Jumpy and I have had a falling out (he's turned into a major douche), so I decided to hang with some new friends: Sissy (a cute girl that considers me her big brother, hence her nickname), Schweet (a cool dude), Invisible Man (IM for short, he's very quiet), and Horndog (my partner in crime, one of my bros up at college).

So we entered the gates at around 6:45 and walked right into the Chainsaw Drill Team all dressed up in camo. Sissy freaked and immeadietly wrapped her arms around me and Horndog. I wanted to stay there to see what they would do but the rest of the group decided this would be a bad idea so instead we made our way over to HHN 20 years of Fear. This is a pretty neat scarezone set up to resemble the HHN props warehouse. Once inside the area (With sissy still wrapped around me and horndog, my arm was wrapped around her waist and I would allow her to squeeze my left hand at odd intervals) we ran right into some of my favorite characters from past years including Wolfman, Frankenstein, and some chainsaw Dudes. They quickly chased us out of that zone and right into Fear Revealed.

Fear Revealed is mainly a zone set up to introduce guests to the Go of Fear himself: Adaru. Now, I had my doubts about how this character would end up looking but Uni. did a bang-up job with him. Adaru towers above evryone else in the zone and is truly an imposing figure to approach. I snapped a few photos before we moved on to our first house of the night: Horror Nights The Hallow'd Past.

This house ranks in at the number 4 spot for the night. It's got a really neat set-up. the theme is that we have just entered the props warehouse for HHN, and something appears to be amiss inside. Our first clue is that the electricity appears to be out as we pass by props from previous years, our 2nd clue would be when we enter a swirling vortex to find ourselves smack dab in the middle of an alternate universe where memorable scenes from past houses come to life. This house had quite a few great scares. One time some dude jumped out into my path, Me, Sissy and Horndog were essentially tyed together (Sissy was in the middle of us and had her arms wrapped around both of us), so when I jumped to the side of the dude to avoid running into him my action resulted with Horndog having his leg rammed into one of the steel poles. He continued to complain about his leg for the rest of the night. The most memorable scenes were the warehouse scenes for all the cool props and characters that you encounter throughout them (especially liked the final warehouse scene where the warehouse had essentially come to life). Despite the cool factor in this house I still feel like they may have crammed too much into one house.

After all the screaming and running we did in the Hallow'd Past Sissy decided she needed a break so Horndog and IM took her on the Jaws Ride at Night while Schweet and I hit The Orfanage: ashes to ashes. This was my least favorite house of the night, ranking in at number 8. The theme here is that of a burned down orfanage where one of the previously unseen characters of the past; Cindy; has taken over. the result is a few fire effects, the constant scent of burning wood (and flesh?), and some freaky orphans attacking you. While Schweet liked it I felt that it was very poorly themed and just wasn't scary enough for me.

After this Schweet and I hit the Jaws ride. During Halloween Horror Nights they have intensified the effects and brought back the much missed ring of fire effect at the exploding gas dock scene (right before the finale). So, if you want to see the Jaws ride in its full Bad-ass glory then HHN is the time to give it another try. Schweet and I both gave it 2 thumbs up.

Shortly after getting off the ride we hooked back up with Horndog, IM and Sissy and traveled onwards, running right into Zombie Gras. Zombie Gras is a cool little zone themed to a Mardi Gras parade that has fallen victim to a zombie outbreak. There are tons of cool zombies to mess with here. it's not a very scary zone per say but I did get a few good jump scares here.

After Zombie Gras we hit the next house in sight: Zombiegeddon. The story here is that the US has been hit pretty hard by the North American Zombie Virus, luckily most of the zombies have been killed or captured and the US is now hiring independent companies to help clean up the remainding zombies. One of the companies is a low-tech one named Z.A.P (short for Zombie Awareness Program), a group of bad-ass zombie killers that have taken it upon themselves to teach civilians the proper zombie killing methods. We are about to enter one of their civilian training facilities named Z.I.P where hoards of zombies have been pacified by the use of some clunky collars and are now being used for training purposes. With Sissy securely fastened to me and Horndog's waists we entered the facility. The facade is pretty cool. It is a very industrial looking street that leads into the entrance to the facility. Once inside we run into one of the Z.A.P members that is coaching us on proper zombie killing methods. All seems fine for the first 2 or 3 rooms, but during the 4th room we can make out the image of a parade float (apparently there was a celebration going on outside) crashing into one of the walls of the Z.I.P Facility. There is the silhouette of flames, we canb hear screams of people outside. The lights flicker and we can hear the terrifying sound of the electricity going out completely and the lights go black. The collars keeping the zombies pacified now off, the zombies bare able to break free of their restraints and terrify the innocent civulians inside. Sissy didn't do so well in this house, she was freakin out quite a bit (This is where I would allow her to squeeze the crap out of my left hand). Despite her freakin out she still made it out ok (THANK GOD). I thought this house a nice effort on Uni.'s part and I loved all the different zombie references found inside. With this said I still felt that there was something missing and that is why the house ranks in at the Number 6 spot.

Once we had escaped from Zombiegeddon, we stopped for a quick bite to eat. Afterwards we decided to hit the Saws N Steam Scarezone. Sissy wrapped herself around Horndog and I and refused to enter the scarezone so we left her with IM and Schweet as we ventured further into it. I love the story here, the citizens of a small town have lost their minds when sea vents open up under their home and turn the place into a scorching hot foggy zone devoid of water. Once you enter the citizens turn their sights on you, the water in your body now a coveted resources that they will do anything to get. I later revisited this scarezone several times. this is where I met C_D and Giant (Friends of mine from a forum we belong to). Giant quickly responded when I called out his name, charging forth to block my way. I smoved back a step...he didn't have to do anything to scare me, his size doing the job for him. It took C_D a few minutes to respond to his name, but when he did it nearly sent me running. He put his chainsaw against my leg and revved it up (I was wearing jeans) and then proceeded to circle me. Overall this scarezone was very fun and is a definite DO-NOT-MISS for it's inventive use of Sting Alley (All fogged up with random mists of water spraying guests) and the look of the scareactors that inhabit (STEAMPUNK FTW!!!)

After Saws N Steam Horndog, Schweet and I split up from Sissy and IM as they went to go rife The Mummy and my group decided to go hit more haunted houses. The next Haunted house we decided to hit was Hades: Gates of Ruin. In this house the theme is that we are traveling into the depths of the greek mythological version of Hell. Inside you run into Medusa, Cyclops, Minotaurs (I pointed one out before he had time to make a scare so he ran up to the corner I was aquickly approaching and exacted his revenge on me....LESSON LEARNED), and other mythological creatures that you may or may not recognize. The facade here was pretty neat, It's set up so that you're entering through the mouth of a skull that has fog pouring out its nostrils. Once inside there is no safety to be found as the citizens of this mythological hell come after you from all angles. I highly enjoyed getting to visit some of my favorite mythological characters (and having them scare the snot out of me). The atmosphere found inside is also very neat with it's fiery look, cavernous setting, and neat set-pieces (In one area your vision is encompassed by a thick fog, truly creepy as you wait for the next unavoidable scare). This house ranks in at the number 2 spot.

The next house we hit was Legendary truth: The Wyandot Estate. This house is themed to a paranormal research teams (picture Ghost Hunters TV show)investigation into the very much haunted Wyandot house. Here we are invited to join the team as honorary members as we help them dig into the house's storied past and uncover the mystery surrounding the house. This haunted house was highly built up by Universal as having some cool effects never before seen in a haunted house. Some of these effects include a ghost sliding underneath the floor, skating past behind a wall, some items coming to life, lights flickering, and some low-key anamatronics. the house I feel relys too much on its effects and not enough on its actors ability to scare guests, and while the effects ARE pretty cool I feel that this was the wrong decision. It's still a fun little house that is pretty beat to walk-though (The facade is the best one of the night, you enter the house from the outside, up its steps, right into its front door...I spazzed out). this one ranks in at number 5.

Once out of LT we decided to take a jog through The Coven scarezone. Once entering the first thing you will notice are the burning figures of puritan men roped up on stakes beneath fire pits. As you continue on through the zone you will see some hot witches roaming around but beware for in dark corners lurk ugly hags that like to surprise unwitting guests (I wanted to tell one of the hot ones to take alook because that will be her in 30 years...Never got a chance to say this though :( ). In this zone I got to complement a hag on the eyeball she was carrying (This apparently got her to give props to me since she pointed at me and gave me a sign I took to mean that she agreed). Near the end a small witch scared me...the scare didn't last long once I realized the scareactor was a midget...All I could say was ohhhh...so cute. Overall while the scarezone isn't long or eleaborate it's still pretty cool and can hold a few good scares.

After we had exited the Coven we decided to hit up The Catacombs: Black Death Rising. The story here is that in 19th century France a nasty plague popped up and started infecting people. The infected were quarantined in a catacomb and Plague Doctors (people wearing long back robes, goggles, and bird masks) went inside to watch over them. Unfortunately the townspeople panicked and locked the infected and the plague doctors inside the catacombs. Several hundred years later we are part of an excavation crew that is clearing out the catacombs only to discover that the infected and the plague doctors never died and that the plague they carry is still very much contagious. The whole house is pretty awesome, the setting is one of the best parts. It really does feel like you are traveling through a real catacombs. I felt that the best part of the house were the tottally rad Plague doctors (I love how they look!!!). 2 doctors teamed up to make me do the scared mans limbo. they reached their hands out to block my path which resulted in me having to duck and weave to avoid hitting them. this house ranks in at the number 3 spot.

After Catacombs we ran ahead to hit Havoc: Dogs of War. the theme here is that the military has been conducting tests at their Shadowcreek facility of a gas that will turn their soldiers into super-soldiers. Unfortunately they find that the gas works a little too well, turning them into adrenaline and rage filled monsters. When a gas leak occurs all hell breaks loose as the experiments break free to terrorize the civilians (us) that are touring the facility. The whole house is sensory overload and has an adrenaline filled pace as the supersoldiers burst out of corners and walls to attack us. Throughout the whole house sirens are going off like crazy, alerting us almost immeadietly that we chose the wrong time to enter Shadowcreek. There are bursts of air that blast us at random intervals, helping to keep us off guard throughout the entire house and helping the scareactors jobs that much easier. There are several really neat surprises that KO'd my butt on several occasions including a surprise chainsaw and machine gun scare. All the scareactors in the house were required to shave their heads for their roles, going to show their immense commitment to the art of the scare. This is the most intense house I have seen in all my 3 years attending Halloween Horror Nights and that makes it the number 1 spot on my top houses list.

After Havoc we ran over to Psychoscarepy: Echoes of Shadybrook. For the most part the Psychoscarepy houses have been the humorous ones but this year Uni. decided to switch things up and give PS a more serious and bleak overtone. Shadowbrook, the infamous mental institution, has been closed for 15 years. We, being the hoodlums that we are cut our wy through the wire fence and make our entrance into the facility. Once inside we make the startling revelation that even though Shadowbrook has been closed for a while now, the ghosts of past residents still remain inside. the facade is the same as the original PS house, except with the addition of a run-down paint job and a wirefence we must make our way through in order to gain admittance (a neat addition). The scareactors do a pretty good job here, and although scary also have some sympathy factor since they are tortured souls. My favorite scene is the 2nd one where 2 crazies are running outside some windows during a lightning storm. It makes for a somewhat memorable house, ranking in at the number 7 spot.

After Psychoscarepy Horndog, Schweet and I realized it was almost time for us to meet up at the van for our departure back to my college so we made our way back to the entrance of the park, stopping by at Esqueleto Muerte. This is a blacklight scarezone that is themed to the mexican Day of the Dead festival. while the blacklighting is cool, it's not when most of the scareactors are busy stopping for pictures. Only one tried to scare Horndog when his back was turned. he didn't even acknowledge her which was hilarious. after this we mwet back up with Sissy (I gave her a huge hug and was glad to see she made it out in one piece) and IM and togther we headed onto the van which drove us back to the apartments.

So is Halloween Horror Nights 20 better than previous years???? Well, I felt that last year was scarier to be honest (maybe it's because it was basically just me and another person last year whereas this year I had a group of people and the added bonus of a girl clinging onto me...which usually helps to lightly diminish the scare factor of any house or scarezone) but scarier doesn't always mean better. 20 was better themed than last year's and I had more fun than I did last year...so in my opinion : yes, HHN 20 was better than previous years I've seen.

So this year I got hug a cute girl to me for the first few houses, got to hang with some REAL friends, and got to hit all the houses and scarezones in one night. Yeah, I'd have to say that HHN 20 was a HUGE success. Till Next year, this is Beetle signing off from the scare central.

HOUSE RANKINGS
1. HAVOC: DOGS OF WAR
2. HADES: GATES OF RUIN
3. CATACOMBS: BLACK DEATH RISING
4. HORROR NIGHTS: THE HALLOW'D PAST
5. LEGENDARY TRUTH: THE WYANDOT ESTATE
6. ZOMBIEGEDDON
7. PSYCHOSCAREPY: ECHOES OF SHADYBROOK
8. THE ORFANAGE: ASHES TO ASHES

SCAREZONE RATINGS
1. HHN: 20 YEARS OF FEAR
2. SAWS N' STEAM
3. FEAR REVEALED
4. ZOMBIE GRAS
5. THE COVEN
6. ESQUELETO MUERTE

OVERALL RATING FOR THIS YEAR: 5/5

FRIGHT FEST REVIEW: FALLEN

"Hey, howdy folks! Ladies, gents, cocksuckers, pederasts. I hope you all enjoy the show. Yes I do!"

Fallen is the story of Detective John Hobbes (Denzel Washington). After the death of a brutish felon he helped to convict, a string of copycat murders start to pop up around the town and slowly Hobbes life begins to fall apart when his prints appear at the murder scenes. What would have been your fairly typical who-dun-it is elevated to something a bit greater by the fact that the dead felon was possessed by a demon named Azazel, who is now out for revenge against the man who caught him.

There are great performances all around. Elias Koteas is memorable as the first person we see possessed by the demon, Edgar Reese. John Goodman plays the typically good natured and loveably chubby good cop partner of Hobbes, Jonesy, and Denzel Washington puts on a driven performance as the hero of the story John Hobbes, who sets out to put a stop to Azazel's madness once and for all.

While the billed star of the story is John Hobbes, make no mistake that this is Azezel's film, a fact that is made fairly obvious once the opening credits roll. Azazel makes for a truly memorable villain in the film. He can switch bodies by touching a person or just by sheer force of will. Throughout the film he can be seen singing exercpts from the Rolling Stones hit "Time Is On My Side" (a welcome if not unfortunate consequence is that now that song is eternally stuck in my noggin). The torment he unleashes on Hobbes and family is pretty barbaric, but fun nontheless. It is a joy to see each new incarnation of Azazel taunt and tease Hobbes. Azazel could enter or kill Hobbes anytime he wants, but he likes Hobbes and thus decides to "play" with his new prey before doing the dirty deed. That's what makes the film so much fun, the ensuing chaos erupts like some kind of sadistic game.

In the end, while there are a few coincidences that occur at just the right moment for Hobbes (When Hobbes is trying to figure out the meaning of a cryptic clue on a train, there just so happens to be a nun sitting nearby that provides some help...these help to bring the film down a few notches)), Fallen is still a perfectly enjoyable supernatural thriller that is recomended viewing for anyone who has an interest in religion, mysteries, or the supernatural.

3.5/5 Stars

FRIGHT FEST REVIEW: THE LOST BOYS 2

I've been wanting to see this film for quite some time now and am glad I've finally got it crossed off my to do list.

The Lost Boys 2: The tribe is the straight to DVD sequel to the smash hit The Lost Boys. This time around we follow the story of Chris (Tad hilgenbrink) and Nicole (Autumn Reeser), brother and sister who relocate to Luna Bay after their parents die in a car crash. When Chris meets up with former surfing legend Shane (Angus Sutherland) he is invited to a party that Shane is hosting. He brings his little sister along for the ride, resulting with her becoming a half-vampire. Soon, it is up to Chris and Edgar Frog (Corey Feldman) to infilitate the vamp ranks and rescue Nicole before it is too late.

The first problem I have with this film is the cinematography. It's TERRIBLE!!!! It looks like it's being filmed for some special news report and doesn't look like a movie should. The second problem is that I just can't buy Nicole as a vampire. Yes, she's fuckin sexy (but doesn't bare all...DAMNIT) but she seems too happy with her new fate as eternal vamp. Where's the conflict!!!??? Yes she gets to live forever...but she's got to kill people in order to do so. UGH!!!

Anyways, the film, despite it's numerous flaws, does have some redeeming qualities. Ted Hilginbrink is perfectly enjoyable as Chris (and not much more), and Angus Sutherland adds some cool flavor to the mix as head vampire (that dies a little TOO easily) Shane. But the main reason to watch this flick is Corey Feldman back as super-bad-ass Vampire hunter/killer Edgar Frog. He is essentially the boy that never grew up, since he is almost exactly the same as he was in the first film (just with a pinch more anger). He adds some needed cheese and intensity to the film and steals every single scene he's in (from surfboard bashing opening scene to his final vamp slaughtering one).

With some decent performances, a decent story, and a killer cover of Cry Little Sister Lost Boys 2: The Tribe is better than most direct to DVD sequels....but, of course, is still nowhere near the greatness that the first film was.

2.5/5 stars

FRIGHT FEST REVIEW: SCREAM 3

"Is this simply another sequel? Well if it is, same rules apply. But-here's the critical thing-if you find yourself dealing with an unexpected back story and a preponderance of exposition, then the sequel rules DO NOT apply. Because you are not dealing with a sequel, you are dealing with the concluding chapter of a trilogy. "

So, is Scream 3 simply another sequel? Well, mainly YES....but also to a lesser degree NO. Scream 3 has essentially been dumbed down for general audiences. Gone are the days where characters constantly cite the rules of horror films, maybe partly due to the fact that, despite how hard Wes may try this is indeed just another dumb hollywood sequel where the characters fall for the same old traps..

The returning characters are treated with little to no reverance. Gale is called upon to scream dumbly at every horror scene, Dewey constantly switches between dumb and bumbling to determined and strong willed (MAKE UP YOUR MIND WES!!!!!!, personally I prefer the Dewey seen in Scream 2). The only character that is essentially the same is Sidney, and for once she is one of the strongest performances here. I wish I could say anything positive about the supporting cast, but unfortunately the film doesn't give them much chance to really shine. The only noteable supporting role/cameo was Jamie Kennedy's return for the last time. He appears in one scene in which he guides our heros on their new quest and points out the rules for trilogies.

The story this time around is that the cast for Stab 3 are slowly and methodically being killed off. Naturally Gale, Dewey, and Sidney show up to investigate and another struggle for survival ensues as information we have been given in past films is questioned. That is one of Scream 3's weakest points, it constantly makes nods to the first Scream. This does anything but help the film as it makes it appear as if Wes is Cravin for simplier times (Please excuse the bad pun).

Just about the only thing that makes this film worth the watch is the Killer this time around. He's smart, determined, has a believable motivation (more believeable than the ones in the first 2), and even sheds some (unnecessary) light on the life of Sidney's Mom.

So, in the end although Scream 3 does have its moments it can't quite reach the same level of greatness that it's predecessors did. After all the fuss, it really is just another dumb sequel (I mean, their makin a Scream 4 now....hope it's better than this one). If you've seen the first 2 Screams you might as well give this one a viewing as well, just don't expect to find much to enjoy here.

2.5/5

FRIGHT FEST REVIEW: SCREAM 2

"There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to create a successful sequel. Number one: the body count is always bigger. Number two: the death scenes are always much more elaborate - more blood, more gore - *carnage candy*. And number three: never, ever, under any circumstances, assume the killer is dead. "

Scream 2 is the superb sequel that far outshines its predecessor. True, this is an increasingly rare thing in Hollywood but Scream 2 really does take the cake. It's smarter, funnier, more serious, the returning characters have been gievn added depth, and the big finale is to DIE for (Pun intended).

Scream 2 takes place exactly one year after Scream. It starts out at a theatre showing a sneek peek at "Stab!", The movie based off the book Gale Weathers wrote after the incidents of the first film. It doesn't take long before it is revealed that there is now a copycat killer on the loose and 2 moviegoers are given terrific death scenes in the theatre, one dies right in front of the movie screen as the bemused and shocked crowd watches. It's now up to Sidney, Randy, Gale, and Dewey to find the killer and do whatever it takes to survive this second killer outing.

All of the original cast is back. Jamie Kennedy puts on another inspired performance as determined survivor of the first film Randy. He still knows all the horror movie rules (and all the rules of sequels as well) and is the one who guides the rest of the gang along on their adventure. David Arquette puts on a decidedly different performance than he did in the first one as the rookie cop Dewey. In this one he seems to be more experienced and determined, he makes it clear that this time he won't let the killer get the upper hand. Throughout the film he walks with a limp, his stab wound he received in the first film apparently paralyzing half of his body (poor Dewey). Liev Schrieber also returns as Cotton Weary, the wrongly accused assailant in the first film. In Scream 2 he is given a chance to show that he is indeed a good guy, despite what everybody else may think.

Amang the newcomers are the young Jerry O'Connel as Boyfriend Derek who, despite being the PERFECT guy, is immeadietly targeted as a strong suspect. He does perfect in this role. He's charming, funny, and extremely likeable as the somewhat aloof and niave Derek. It is obvious that he cares for Sidney and would do anything to protect her. Among his highlights is a song and dance he performs in a lunchroom of Sidney. Another fun newcomer is Duane Martin as the toiken black dude. He is the new camera man for Gale and is smart enough to panic when the bodies start to pile up, aware that the black guy never lasts very long. There's also a great cameo for Sarah Michelle Gellar as Sorority Gal Cici. Even though she isn't much to do it is still fun to see her here.

Whereas the finale of the first film took place at a party, the finale of Scream 2 takes place in the inspired setting of a theatre (Not a movie theatre, a stage). The final twist is pretty shocking, throwing me for a complete loop, and the great thing is it kind of makes sense. When Sidney finally turns the tables on her would-be killer is when the real fun begins, using the props, lighting fixtures, and sound effects in the theatre to thoroughly freak out her attacker.

With deeper characters, more suspense, and a smarter script Scream 2 is far superior to its somewhat lackluster predecessor. I'm glad you proved me wrong on this one Wes, I really am, Scream 2 is one of my all time favorite horror films. Give it a try and you'll be sure to see why (yes, I meant for that to rhyme).

4/5 Stars

FRIGHT FEST REVIEW: SCREAM

"You sick fucks, you've seen one too many movies!!!!"

Guilty as charged.

Scream is one of Wes Cravens finest films to date, because of how much fun it is. It follows the story of Sidney (Neve Campbell) as she finds herself stuck in a town where a seriel killer is on the loose. It's a fairly typical teen slasher story which becomes not so typical with the help of some characters that constantly spit out the "rules" of horror movies (and yet they still fall into the same old routine ....what up with that?).

The film is full of delightful "surprise" performances, among which are Matthew Lillard as Stuart (A delightfully zany, infectious performance), Jamie Kennedy as Randy (a surprisingly well-done performance on his part as the horror movie buff), Rose McGowan as Tatum (Sidneys Best Friend), David Arquette as Dewey (The bumbling rookie cop assigned to protect Sidney), and the always wonderful Henry Winkler as Mr. Himbry (The school principle, after viewing his performance here all I can say is "Wow, the Fonz don't fuck around.").

The only really good lead actor is Neve Campbell as Sidney. She is great as she plays a different kind of heroine. I can't say as much for her leading man though. Sure, Skeet Ulrich tries to do good as boyfriend Billy, but I just couldn't fully buy into him. He was much too mysterious and campy for my tastes, he was practically licking every line of the script up like Hannibel Lecter when he talks about Fava Beans. If he showed a little self control he would have gone farther in my book.

Now, Scream is constantly cited as one of Craven's best films...but not for why you might think. As a pure horror film, the movie fails at just about every angle you could imagine. I never once felt any bit of real suspense during the running time (except during the finale...and even then it was pretty toned down for my tastes). I'm sorry Wes, Scream is JUST NOT SCARY. However, It's a perfect party film and I could see myself easily re-watching it during the Halloween season (Speak of the devil). While it may not be much scary, it's still a perfectly fun family horror film that just about anyone twelve and over could handle.

So if you're craven some Craven feel free to give this fun little flick a try. It may not make you scream, but you're sure to have a good time.

3/4 stars

FRIGHT FEST REVIEW: JAWS

"You yell barracuda, everybody says, "Huh? What?" You yell shark, we've got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July."

"This was no boat accident!"

"I think that I am familiar with the fact that you are going to ignore this particular problem until it swims up and BITES YOU ON THE ASS!"

"Beaches Closed - No Swimming. By the Order of the Amity PD".

"You're gonna need a bigger boat"


JAWS!!!!! Looking back it's not hard to imagine why it became the first ever summer blockbuster.

As directed by Steven Spielberg, Jaws is the story of a rogue great White that stakes a claim off the shores of Amity Island during the summer tourist season. As people begin to disapear under bloody waves, the town of Amity panics and turns to Sherrif Martin Brody (Roy Scheider), Salty Sea Dawrg Quint (Robert Shaw), and Marine Biologist Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) in hopes that they can rid the once peaceful town of it's great white sized problem.

For most of the film the shark remains unseen due to an unreliable shark anamatronic (Speilberg dubbed it Bruce, after his Lawyer). This stroke of seemingly bad luck ended up benefiting the film in the long run, rendering the initial shark attacks all the more terrifying as we can only see what is happenning above water, leaving the carnage occurring underneath the waves to the viewers imagination.

Another benefit of Bruce's refusal to work properly was that the film had to rely on a solid soundtrack (done by the amazing John Williams) to let the audience know where the shark was at just about all times. To this day that iconic Dun-Dun score is just as unforgettable and recognizeable as ever.

Jaws also has superb performances all around. Murray Hamilton is great as the money-hungry mayor that willingly serves up the islanders as snack food, Roy Scheider is perfect as the concerned Sherrif of Amity that spends the first half of the film trying (unsuccessfully) to warn the town of the impending danger, Robert Shaw is also perfect as the salty shark hunter Quint, and Richard Dreyfuss does a wonderful performance as the nerdy shark enthusiast that is called on for some extra help.

Although it has been only 35 years since the film was released, it has not aged a bit. The terror created in the film is just as strong today as it was the day the film was released, probably because the fear of not knowing what is swimming with you when you step into the big blue is a universal one.

Aided by a great score, amazing performances, a pretty darned cool shark (when it was working), and some smart character development ( one example: Brody is terrified of water)... it isn't hard to see why JAWS has becoime the beloved classic it is known as today. And after all these years, it still carries the power to make you think twice before running carelessly into those waves.

5/5 Stars: BETTER THAN SEX

FRIGHT FEST REVIEW: HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES

I feel that there is no better way to kick off my Fright fest than with a review of one of the best atmospheric Halloween films you can find, House of 1000 Corpses.
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"Howdy Folks! You like blood? Violence? Freaks of nature? Well then, come on down to Captain Spaulding's Museum of Monsters and Mad-Men."

This is one of those films where you're either going to LOVE IT or HATE IT....there's no in-between. Me???? I LOVE IT!!!!

House of 1000 Corpses is Rob Zombies sick love letter to the joys of Halloween and Tobe Hooper. It also happens to be his directorial debut. It takes place in the era that Rob apparently pines for (since every single one of his films seems to be inspired by it) the 1970s, 1977 to be exact. There's not much story to the film, in it we follow a group of typically dumb college kids on a road trip to the seediest roadside attractions out there. They eventually wind up at Captain Spauldings Museum of Monsters and Mad-Men, owned by crazed clown Captain Spaulding. Intrigued by Spauldings tale of local legend Dr. Satan they set off to find the mysterious legends grave, only to be sidetracked by a flat tire and wind up in the one place they do NOT want to be stuck in.

While the story may not be elaborate the characters and atmosphere sure are. The sadistic killers in this film are the halloween obsessed Firefly clan/family. There's super-sexy Baby (Sheri Moon), who has an obsession with the movie stars of old, Otis (Bill Moseley), a sadist who hates women and pretentious teens, Mother Firefly (Karen Black), the sex-obsessed matriarch of the family who considers herself a M.I.L.F (She's NOT), and there's Tiny (Matthew McGory), a mentally challenged man that seems to have a fondeness for girls. Rounding out this wonderfully deranged cast of characters is Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig), a crazed clown that flies into a fit of rage when he belives someone to be insulting him or clowns in general. All put on truly memorable performances here as sick people who's idea of a fun night out is brutally torturing and killing a bunch of innocently stupid kids.

As if the colorful cast of characters weren't enough to warrant this film a viewing, the atmosphere created here is top notch. the whole film has a VERY Halloween feel to it. It helps that the film takes place on Halloween, the Firefly clan are strong Halloween enthusiasts, and that the cast resemble a bunch of crazed carnies. This is a world I wouldn't mind stepping into for a while.

The kills witnessed here are nothing to shake a stick at. While it's not too hard to enjoy all the blood-letting to be found in the film, in the end it's sure to leave most with a bad aftertaste. After all, the audiences role in the big picture is that of Voyeurs and aren't we just as guilty as the sadists in the film if we revel in their acts of violence?


In the end, I love how unapologetic this film is, the atmosphere created here, and the sick characters that are put on display. The films not afraid to be what it wants to be, critics and general audiences be damned. It's refreshing to see such an original take on the Halloween film, and while it is obviously inspired by Tobe Hoopers Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it's still much more fun than the former. So, if you're into blood, violence, and freaks of nature...the House of 1000 Corpses is just about guaranteed to be the film for you.

4.5/5 Stars

Be sure to keep an eye out for Rainn Wilson, who got his start here.

BEETLE'S HALLOWEEN FRIGHT FEST HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN!!!! BE SURE TO KEEP A WEATHER EYE OUT FOR MORE SCARY GOOD REVIEWS.

DEAD POETS SOCIETY

I'm sorry to say that Beetle's Halloween Fright Fest has been momentarily delayed for the time being, so instead of bringing you all the first Halloween themed review I will instead review one of my all time favorite films: Dead Poets Society.

Dead Poets Society takes place in a prestigious Prepatory School during the 1950's. It follows the lives of seven students as; inspired by their new english teacher and his unorthadox methods; they each take measures to make their lives extraordinary. They each start out as fairly happy students, but like all human beings deep down inside they are unsatisfied with the unfulfilling lives they are living without even realizing it. When their Prep school; Welton Academy; hires a new english teacher in the form of John Keating (Robin Williams) their lives change forever as Keating urges the students to Carpe Diem-Seize The Day.

Williams delivers an inspired performance in the unforgettable role of John Keating, the inspired mentor, muse, and teacher of the students. Recognizing how unsatisfied the students are with their lives and how important it is that they each find their own voice before it is too late, he employs a variety of unique teaching methods to get them to begin thinking for themselves for a change (Including an inspired sequence where he encourages the students to stand on their desk which comes back into play later on in the film). His famous mantra: "Cape Diem- Seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary", his first lecture about the ultimate mortality of men, and the closing scene will forever go down in movie history as some of the most memorable moments in film ever.

Not to be overlooked are the students themselves. There's Neil Perry (Robert Sean Leonard), a young man crushed by the strong hold his father has over his life. There's Todd Anderson (Ethan Hawke), The quiet Freshman who's struggling to find his own voice and who fears that if he makes an effort to try and stand out it could end with him being branded a failure. There's Charlie Dalton aka Nuwanda (Gale Hansen), a lively boy that is the first to take Keatings words a little too litterally. There's Knox Overstreet (Josh Charles), a starry eyed hopeful who sets his eyes on a young girl and decides to attempt to steal her away from her jerkish jock boyfriend. There's also Richard Cameron (Dylan Kussman), a weasly kid that is reluctant to follow Keatings new teaching methods. Let's not forget about the rest of the students: Steven Meeks (Allelon Ruggiero), and Gerard Pitts (James Waterston). Together, this group of students are so inspired by Keating that they decide to re-form Keatings old club, The Dead Poets Society. When tragedy ultimately befalls this new club, the head of Welton Academy takes charge to disasterous effect.

Dead Poets Society is about as perfect as it can get, the films stunning cinematography including landscape shots of the Academy and it's surrounding environment is sure to drop a few jaws. It's themes about individuality and non-conformist beliefs left a permanent mark on my psyche when I first viewed it at the young age of sixteen. Ever since then it has remained one of my favorite films of all time, Carpe Diem, Oh Captain My Captain, and that unforgettable closing scene forever entwined in my memory.

With a well rounded cast lead by Robin Williams at his best, a beautiful story, a great setting, and several inspiring themes; Dead Poets Society isn't just strongly recomended viewing, it's absolutley required that this film be seen because it's ultimate message could change your life IF you let it.

5/5 STRONG BETTER THAN SEX

BEETLE'S HALLOWEEN FRIGHTFEST WILL RESUME LATER THIS WEEK WITH A REVIEW OF MY SOUL TO TAKE.

BEETLE CONJOURS UP SOME SCARES THIS HALLOWEEN

WELCOME MY CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT...TO BEETLEJUICE'S HALLOWEEN FRIGHT FEST


I'm sure you've all noticed that vibe that begins to creep up on you at this time of year. It's that feeling you get when you feel that someone is watching you, It's why you hesitate to turn your lights off at night, it's what makes you hug your covers closer to your shivering body. IT IS OFFICIALLY OCTOBER...THE SEASON OF FEAR!!!! When the clock strickes Midnight on All Hallows Eve my friends will be unleasehed unto this Earth to wreak their own special brand of Havoc.

To prepare for this momentous occasion I'm going to attempt to see every Horror themed film that comes out this month, review more halloween films of the past, bring you all the details from my HHN Trip Report (The Icon for this year is FEAR HIMSELF...sounds promising), and possibly post a list of the best Horror films of ALL TIME!!!!

So Stay tuned for more halloween themed updates...trust me...you WON'T want to miss this one.

LET BEETLE'S HALLOWEEN FRIGHT FEST BEGIN!!!!

BEETLE GETS SUCKED INTO THE SOCIAL NETWORK

Who ever thought that a movie about the creation of Facebook and the proceeding lawsuits concerning it would be so surprisingly great? Certainly not me. When word got out that a Facebook movie was being made most scoffed at the idea of it and mourned the death of creativity in the movie biz. Well, now those who do see this underated masterpiece will find themselves eating their own words.

The Social Network (or as I call it The Facebook Network) follows the story of college aged genius Mark Zuckerberg (Played brilliantly by Jesse Eisenberg, who appears to finally have broken out of his role as the other Michael Cera) and his lone friend Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield, who is also the new Peter Parker in the Spider-man reboot) as they both create the network we now know as Facebook. Justin Timberlake also makes a superb performance as the slimey Sean Parker, the broke creator of Napster that smells money to be made with Facebook and quickly befriends Mark and becomes a collaborater of the hit social site. Of course Mark ends up making quite a few mistakes as he bumbles his way through his new-found popularity, making decisions that angers his classmates and friends resulting in several lawsuits, which the film dutifully follows for the duration of its running time.

The Social Network is surprisingly more focused on the lawsuits than it is on the actual creation of Facebook. The film spends a good portion of its first half going into detail on how Facebook was conceptualized and how the different aspects of Facebook (The name, the relationship status, The Likes and Interests page) were thought up. For the rest of its 2 hr running time (The film moves at a surprisingly swift pace though) it focuses mainly on the 2 lawsuits that resulted from Facebook and features a number of lengthy flashbacks which explain how our characters got into this situation we see them in now.

Just about every performance found in this film is a strong one. Eisenberg is a vision as Mark Zuckerberg. He easily dissapears into the role. For once his character found here is not a pure funny guy. Mark is a well-meaning but flawed individual who can't understand why everyone is angry at him. He has several sarcastic quips throughout the film and it isn't hard to imagine why almost everyone dislikes him. Andrew Garfield is great as Marks best friend, Eduardo Saverin. Mark makes him the CFO of Facebook. Eduardo continually fights for his friend and tries to steer him onto the right path until, finally even he can't take it anymore leading to one of the best scenes in the entire film. Justin Timberlake also puts on the great performance; probably the best one of his career; as Sean Parker. He slithers into Marks life like the snake in the Garden of Eden, planting ideas into Marks head which eventually will make for problems that are addressed later on in the film. Timberlake is perfectly slimey, but also surprisingly likeable as the ultra-cool but also troublesome Parker.

Helping the actors with their roles is the superb script by Aaron Orkin. The lines whip by at a speedy pace and are so painfully witty that it left my head spinning every now and then at their grandeur. Their are some outstanding lines throughout the film, and some fantastic scenes as well, more than any film like this has a right to have. I can almost guarentee you that The Social Network will most likely run away with the Oscar for best Screenplay this year.

While most quickly assumed The Social Network to be a lame duck in the movie options of this fall, I am happy to report that against all odds the film has repeadetly proven itself to be quite the opposite. It's a beautiful work of art that any fan or member of Facebook should run out to see as soon as they can, because in a wierd way this is our story too.

4/5 stars FULL PRICE

THE LAST EXORCISM IS THE EXORCIST OF THE NEW GENERATION

The Last Exorcism follows the exploits of conflicted preacher; Cotton Marcus; as he films a documentary created to disprove the practice of exorcism. Of course, what they originally set out to do and what ends up happenning are two very different things. The struggles of a southern family (Anger-infused Caleb, God-fearing father louis, and helpless innocent Nell) eventually interfere with the filming as the whole crew suddenly find themselves in serious danger.

The Last Exorcism sports a well-rounded cast of unknowns. Ashley Bell is sympathetic and terrifying as the abused daughter turned victim, Louis Hertham is chilling as the over-devout father who may unwittingly have harmed his daughters psyche, Caleb Landry Jones is unsettling as the caring brother of Nell who has anger issues, and Patrick Fabian is perfect as the troubled priest/exorcist who is struggling to protect Nell from her dysfunctional family while at the same time trying to come to terms with her quickly deteriorating mental health and sudden psychotic outbursts, throughout all this he also must keep him and his crew safe from the danger that surrounds them...an increasingly difficult task that only grows harder when he finds himself forming a bond with Nell.

The Last Exorcism is gritty and ultra-real, acting as an interesting blend of Blair Witch and Exorcist. Within the first 15 minutes I found myself believing that all this was really happenning (I half suspect alot of the quick interviews done with locals were real). What's best is that the film attempts to make no explanations for what is viewed here or how it got to us in the first place...we are simply asked to sit and attempt to make sense of this quickly unraveling mystery.

The Last Exorcism is a film made for skeptics, it's greatest feat lying in its intent to challenge their pre-conceived notions about Religion. It's scariest question: Could the religious fanatics actually be right??? The Last Exorcism is a film to be remembered, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's the scariest PG-13 film that has been released in recent years. Despite it's somewhat unrealistic ending that doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the film, it's still an instant classic that is not to be missed.

4.5/5

RETRO REVIEW: HOT FUZZ IS A COMEDY THAT'S GOT SOME SERIOUS KICK TO IT

In 2004 Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost took on the zombie genre and came out on top. Now, in 2007, they take on another beloved genre known the world over: The action/super cop film. This is my review of Hot Fuzz.

Hot Fuzz is an inspired gun-toting, blood squirting, F-word spewing love letter to the genre that has constantly inspired men to be even more manly. Paying homage to films like Die Hard and Point Break, Hot Fuzz takes some time out to acknowledge it's sources of inspiration while at the same time managing to have some serious ass-kicking fun of its own.

The plot here is that of super-cop Nicholas Angel (played by Simon Pegg) who, when his arrest rate reaches 400, is quickly reassigned to a seemingly idyllic country town named Sandford to prevent him from making all the other officers look bad. Once in his new home he is assigned a new partner in the guise of Danny Butterman (played by Nick Frost), a bumbling super-cop wannabe who dreams of firing off guns like they were high-powered fireworks and is a huge action movie fan. Soon Sandford becomes host to a string of grisly "actidents" that may or may not share a connection. It's up to Nick and Danny to solve the case before time runs out for Sandford to win a prestigious award.

Hot Fuzz starts off faily slow (but funny) and takes its time building up its leads and the setting of Sandford before the film takes off, right around when Danny and Nick host an action movie marathon. Hot Fuzz takes some unneeded time to pay homage to its predecessor that forever changed the face of the zombie genre as we know it today, Shaun of the Dead. The 2 main leads partake in the ice cream that Frost's character preferred in the previous flick and there are some lines and scenes that resemble some from Shaun as well. The effort only serves to distract the viewer from the story at hand, but not to fear, once Hot Fuzz finally comes into its own its a thing of beauty.

Hot Fuzz makes no attempt to mask the fact that it is a full-fledged erotic love letter to the action/super-cop genre (a thing most of Wrights films does beautifully), but this does not take away much from the film seeing that it has a superbly well constructed plot to it that has some nice twists and turns thrown in for good measure, the grand reveal sure to leave most's head spinning in the grandeur of it all. The last 30 or so minutes of the film is where Hot Fuzz cranks it up to 11 and becomes a hair-raising action packed thrill ride that is sure to leave any fanboys pants wet (with what, I'll leave it to you to decide).

It's refreshing to see a film that so deftly mixes comedy with real action and reverence for the films that came before it, and Hot Fuzz does this in abundance and in such a well-crafted way that my head is still trying to comprehend how they could have succeeded so wonderfully in this effort. Hot Fuzz is one of the few "perfect" films out there. Great plot, memorable characters, awesome lines, thrilling action, and a biting wit...Hot Fuzz has got just about everything a moviegoer could want making it hard to pick out anything you may truly dislike about the film. Hot Fuzz is one thrill ride that you'll want to revisit again and again and again.

5/5 BETTER THAN SEX

PIRANHA 3D IS BOOBY GOOD FUN....I MEAN BLOODY

Piranhas 3D is my kind of film. It knows what it is, what its audience wants to see (and not see) and doesn't waste anytime on much else. Alexandre Aja seems to have been born with this basic understanding and puts it to use in most of his films, although Piranha 3D is by far the best one he's done. It's a fun filled homage to 80 B horror films, Jaws, and the bygone days of 3D. It was pretty nostalgic for me, as I'm sure it will be for most older teens. the 3D was done post production, thus making some scenes unfocused and blurry, but overall it works well with this film.

Piranha 3D is about the wonders of Lake Victoria during spring break. This year Derrick Jones; hit director of popular porn site Wild Wild Girls; lays anchor at Lake Victoria hoping to catch some good old fashioned teen sexploits on his camera, little does he know that he'll soon be catching alot more than bare breasts on this wild and crazy spring break. The usually crowded lake gets close to overflowing, Derrick's prescence attracting even more hot teens that are willing to bare all for the sake of the camera. Of course, all the hubub is bound to attract someone or something, in this case a hoard of prehistoric hungry piranha that have recently been unearthed from the bottom of the lake and have now decided to crash the spring break festivities as only they can. Can you say fish food?

Piranha 3D sports a pretty good leading and supporting cast. Elisabeth Shue is great as the ass-kicking sheriff of the small town, Julie Forester. She plays the role with a brody-esque (The main star from Jaws) touch making it all the more fun to watch her jump into action. Jerry O'Connell is great fun as breast obsessed porn director Derrick Jones. His closing line will go down as one of the best lines film history. Adam Scott isn't given much to do in the role of Novak, a seismologist sent to the lake to investigate the abnormal redings he's received. His best scene takes place at the spring break massacre (more on that later) where he hops onto a jet ski and pumps his shotgun. Ving Rhames as Deputy Fallon also shares a cool scene during the same sequence in which; once again; he proves how much of a bad-ass he is as he wields a boat propeller as a weapon of mass fish destruction. Steven Mcqueen is fine as Jake Forester, the son of Shue's character who is recruited to charter Derrick around the lake. Jessica Szohr is hot as Kelly, an old fling of Jake's who tags along for the ride. Most of the cast understands that they are in a full-fledged B movie epic and thus are smart enough to know that acting is not important and to just have fun with their roles.

By far though, 2 of the best parts of the film for me were Richard Dreyfuss as Matt, he basically is the same character he played in Jaws. He opens up the film drinking Amity beer and singing a familiar song. I won't give too much away except to say he isn't in the film for long. Christopher Lloyd also makes a brief cameo as Mr. Goodman, who I suspect is actually Doc Brown in disguise. His facial expressions, heavy over-reacting, and way he frantically darts around the room is sure to remind most of the old Doc and thus was a truly memorable bit role in the film.

Now onto the real true star of the film....the bare breasts. Everywhere you look you're sure to see exposed breasts and hot ass dancing across the screen like a 14 yr olds wet dream. When the Piranhas are absent and the film stalls, they use TnA to keep us, the audience, occupied while we wait for the main attraction to begin (If only they used this same methods in doctor's waiting rooms). The biggest pairs of breasts belong to Kelly Brook and Riley Steele as two stars of Wild Wild Girls that Derrick brought with him. They are both goddesses among mortals, their bodies stealing every scene their in (including a smoking hot underwater ballet which could have done with different scoring).

The Piranha's of the title are sleek, fast, hungry mofo's that seem to never be content with whatever meal they have at the moment. They are CGI, of course, but the damage they do to their victims is not. The deep gashes left on victims is achieved by practical effects, and boy did it feel good to have them in here. Both the piranhas and the damage they wreck look fantastic.

The crowning setpiece of the film is the springbreak massacre. Everywhere we look there are millions of thrashing victims being quickly ripped clean by the massive hoards of the hungry fish. Be sure to watch for some truly great death reaction shots by the extras, all of which deserve top billing for their work done here. You gotta love the cheese.

In case it isn't already obvious, I just want to state that I love P3D. I love how cheesy it is, I love the 80s feel it has to it, I love the fun atmosphere created here, and I LOOOVE the massive amount of hot ass and breasts that can be viewed in this film. I love Elisabeth Shue and the work she does here and I just gotta say god bless all those extras and Kelly and Riley for the amount of skin they fearlessly show off. Congrats P3D, You are turly the Drag Me to Hell of this year.

Overall, while Piranha 3D is not a perfect film by any stretch of the imagination, it is exactly what it billed itself to be. No dissapointments to be found here and in a summer (and year) filled with disapointments that alone makes this film worthy of 5 breasts....I mean stars.

BETTER THAN SEX

My personal favorite scene: When a topless springbreaker gives the audience a virtual motorboat. good times, good times.