BEETLE BOOKS A FLIGHT TO A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY IN STAR TOURS 2: THE RIDE!!!

I'm ready to post my in-depth spoiler filled review of Star Tours 2. If you don't want anything spoiled for you...please, don't read any further.



Ok, so I arrived at the Star Tours terminal to find the line was out the door. Unfortunately, it was 90 degrees outside and most of the waiting was done in the extended Endor queue, so I was a puddle of sweat by the time I finally made it inside.

Anyways, I can't begin to describe how refreshing the cool air inside was once I finally made it in. The first room looks brand spankin new, with a shiny new starspeeder, and a jaw dropping HD screen that acts as both a terminal sign and a place to view ads for Star Tours. It also has a new lighting scheme that gives the whole area a nice cool blue hue. Back in this area is R2 and C-3PO. They spout out new pieces of dialogue along with old (possibly re-recorded) dialogue, working on the starspeeder in front of us and taking time out to comment on the ads we view. It's a nice mixture of new and old, sure to please both new and returning guests.


The next room used to be a droid repair room, but has been redesigned as a security terminal. The same 2 droids are back and have been all polished up. they are both shiny and, if I didn't know any better, I could swear look brand new (want proof they aren't??? The one checking luggage still has webbed feet!!!!). The first thing any fan of the original Star Tours will notice is our rookie pilot RX, labeled defective. He sparks occasionally and spits out dialogue that we've all heard him say in the original version. (I must say, I do miss good old RX). The next item you will encounter is the luggage scanner droid and the neat little effect that accompanies him. Pieces of luggage are stopped, scanned, and then the droid takes a few seconds to comment on what he observes. I caught a toy Ewok, some items that looked like blasters (according to the droid they were hair dryers), and storm trooper helmets. As you move on from this area you will pass under a window where the silhouettes of characters pass by, be sure to take a few seconds to watch this effect as you'll never know who you'll see or what you'll witness. After passing the window, you'll encounter the body scanner droid. He'll scan you (look at the monitor he stands above...it really does scan your body!!!) and make some (pre-recorded) comments. One comment I remember was him telling us not to watch the scanner, cuz that's his job. I also remember him shuffling us along into the next area.

After the Security Terminal you'll pass thru an arch (for lack of a better word) of sorts (similar to what can be found in MIB and the old Body Wars attraction). Beyond the arch is a diagram of the Starspeeder 1k. Shortly after passing this you will be directed to your departure gate. This is also where you pick up those cool looking 3-D shades.

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILRS LIE AHEAD!!!! IF YOU DO NOT WANT ANYTHING SPOILED FOR YOU PLEASE STOP READING NOW

While waiting for your staspeeder we get a glimpse as droids prep our starspeeder for takeoff. While we are watching C-3PO bumbles his way into the cabin. It would appear that both ACE and our Staspeeder require a few last second repairs. After Ace leaves and C-3PO takes a seat in the captain's chair, the Shield window closes, trapping C-3PO inside. After this, a quick safety video plays ( be sure to keep an eye out for a passenger that resembles the original spokeswoman for Star Tours) and our Starspeeder is lifted into the loading gate. Shortly after this the gate doors fly open and we are ushered to our seats.

I'm not sure, but I believe that our Starspeeder is the same one from before...only it's been polished up quite a bit. It looks BRAND NEW!!!!

Once our seatbelts are buckled, the starspeeder doors close and we begin our journey. A small screen to the right of the shield window comes on showing C-3PO. A voice comes on over the intercom telling us that we are ready to depart and that the captain should prepare the speeder. C-3PO panics, saying that we cannot take off because our captain is not back yet. Since C-3PO fails to comply with orders an automatic start-up is initiated and our shield window slides down, revealing the C-3PO full motion animatronic and the Star Tours departure port in glorious 3-D. The screen isn't really hi-def but does have a crystal clear quality that the original ride lacked. It never feels like we are watching a screen, but instead that we are looking out a window. It gives you a YOU-ARE-THERE feeling and I can happily report that the 3-D never utilizes any cheap tricks that are usually so common in theme park shows that utilize this common technology.

The opening sequence I received was the Vader one. A Terminal droid guides our starspeeder up and around a corner. C-3PO tells R2 that he is not designed to captain a ship and to turn us around before something bad happens. As if on cue, Vader glides into view, accompanied by a whole battalion of Stormtroopers. He stops our ship and tells us that he has received intel that a rebel spy is on board and that he intends to board our ship so he can retrieve him/her/them. R2 tries to hi-tail us out of there but Vader doesn't take too kindly to this and force grabs our ship, moving us around in what has got to be one of the coolest effects I've ever witnessed (I seriously crapped my jeans). R2 deploys our blaster cannons and takes aim at Vader, as he deflects the shots with his lightsaber R2 accelerates us back and out of the Star Tours terminal where we shoot down some Tie Fighters. After this he warps us to lightspeed (another cool effect as we tilt backwards).

Once out of Lightspeed I found that we had arrived at Hoth, where a full fledged AT-AT battle with the Rebel Alliance was under way. we dodge shots from AT-ATs, but before we can make it out of there R2 reports to C-3PO that we have lost power to our thrusters, to which C-3PO replies: "Are those important?" We find ourselves gliding dangerously close to an AT-AT which takes aim at us, we are hit by one of the blasts and manage to barely glide under one of his feet (It almost crushes us) as we hit the ground and continue forward and up a slope where we come to a halt. We are teetering over a deep ledge (Our starspeeder is leaning forward...another cool effect). C-3PO tells us not to move. We begin to fall and he tells us that he meant everybody move, LEAN BACK!!! It's too late though as we go completely over the ledge and into a short toboggan run. C-3PO yells at R2 to DO SOMETHING. R2 steers us up a side of the valley we are in, our speeder shoots up the side and into the air where we regain our thrusters and R2 accelerates us back out into space. We receive a transmission from Yoda, after which we go into Lightspeed once again.

After coming out of Lightspeed for the 2nd time, I found that we had arrived at the planet Geonosis. Our Starspeeder flies towards the planet and gets caught in it's rings (consisting of large astroids). It is at this point that Bobba Fett (in his ship) appears. C-3PO comments: A Bounty Hunter!!! He says something like: You cannot hide from me and then starts firing at us. C-3PO guides our starspeeder, dodging the blasts from Bobba Fett while R2 deploys our blaster cannons and our speeder fires off at the asteroids that lay in our path. We eventually make it out of Geonosis' rings only to fly directly into Vader's path. Vader says the CLASSIC line: I have you now and C-3PO takes evasive action, diving our Starspeeder deep into the Death Star. Once in it's core C-3PO says: Hang on, I'm getting us out of here!!! R2 makes a comment and C-3PO retorts saying that he knows what he's doing. He takes us into the flight bay for the Death Star and we narrowly avoid hitting some stormtroopers (who dive for cover) as we escape out of the flight bay only to be halted by bobba once again. He tells us: Say goodbye, rebel spy. and shoots out a supersonic bomb at us. R2 shoots it before it can hit us. Bobba Fett fires off another one and R2 shoots it while it's near Bobba, sending Bobba flying sideways, our Starspeeder is thrust backwards from the explosion (It's MASSIVE) and while Bobba is distracted by the balst C-3PO order R2 to send us into Lightspeed again. We escape and arrive at a Rebel aircraft, Admiral Ackbar comes in on the small screen and welcomes us, saying they were beginning to worry. They ask if the spy is all right and C-3Po says that the spy is fine, but may be a little bit shaken. We land in the flight bay for the craft and a bunch of rebels gather around our vehicle and applaud us. C-3PO tells us to be careful out there because the empire is watching.

Our Starspeeder lowers back to the loading platform and the shield window rises back into place...the last thing we hear C-3PO say is: Can anyone tell us the way back to a Star Tours Flight Terminal??"

And that's it!!!! My whole first flight on Star Tours 2. I got to ride it again later on in the day, getting the same beginning and ending, but with a pit stop to Tattoine (Was pretty cool, but I feel didn't really seem to fit into the ride's story. C-3PO basically enters us into a pod race where we encounter a bufferer; I think that's what he called him; and get stuck to someone's thrusters, giving us enough boost to win the race), and we received a new transmission from Leia (WHICH WAS AWESOME!!!! It was funny to see C-3PO's awed reaction to her. After this R2 says that he's going to follow the co-ordinates that she sent him and C-3PO complains saying: We will do no such thing but R2 takes over snd sends us to the co-ordinates nontheless).

So, overall I think that Star Tours 2 is a VAST improvement over Star Tours. the 3-D doesn't feel gimmicky at all and gives the whole experience a YOU-ARE-THERE vibe.. not to mention I felt like a bad-ass with those shades on. The queue has basically been re-themed and it feels really nice to travel thru it. The ride itself is something else....All I could say once I got off was: WOOOOOOOW. All-In-All Star Tours 2 is not only a superior ( and smooth, the movements of the sim fit the screen PERFECTLY) simulator experience, it's also one of the best rides in the park.

So next time you're in Disney Hollywood Studios be sure to book a flight with Star Tours, you won't regret it!!

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN ON STRANGER TIDES IS THE BEST OF THE PIRATE SEQUELS

After a good four year absence from the big screen Jack Sparrow sails back into theaters for the fourth installment of the Pirates franchise, Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.

On Stranger Tides takes the Franchise back to its roots (more or less) for another tale involving the supernatural. It is a strange film indeed, but an entertaining one (especially in 3-D, but more on that later) that manages to hold viewers attention for the duration of its running time.

The story this time around is more character centric than what some may be used to. Jack Sparrow inadvertently bumbles his way onto the Queen Annes Revenge where he gets tangled up in a quest for the Fountain of Youth which involves his lost love Angelica (played by Penelope Cruz) and the fearsome pirate Blackbeard. Back for the ride are Barbossa and Gibbs from the original trilogy.

The plot of On Stranger Tides is more-or-less thrown together out of ideas and good intentions. It never really sticks out as anything special, and I must say it was difficult for me to write the main plot synopsis because the plot is mainly made up of sub-plots and alternate stories. There's the story of Jack and Angelica; a lover whom he scorned and surprisingly feels bad about wronging and actually loves, there's the story of Blackbeard and The Fountain, there's the story of Blackbeard and the prophecy, there's the story of Blackbeard and Angelica, there's the story of Barbossa and Blackbeard, there's the story of Jack and The Black Pearl, and there's the obligatory love story of a missionary and a mermiad.

The main plot thread actually does not involve the fountain of youth, but focuses mainly on Jack trying to right the wrongs he committed to Natalie, his attempts to deal with his conflicting emotions about her (as Jack himself says several times throughout the film: Natalie is a very bad person), and his attempts to keep her safe from harm throughout the film. It's a very interesting character change for Sparrow. He goes from being a man that only cares about himself to one that is able to care about others, and it's pretty darned cool to watch as this happens.

On Stranger Tides not only has some pretty tangled plot threads, but it also has a pretty damned cool villain in the guise of Blackbeard. A dirty, foul pirate who's heart is as black as his boots. Pretty much every character has his or her reasons for wanting to find the Fountain (Jack- Because he fancies the idea of eternal youth, Angelica- For the fame and money etc etc etc) and Blackbeard is no different. In the film there is a pretty nasty prophecy floating around involving Blackbeard and his demise. Now, Blackbeard seems to enjoy doing nasty, evil things and has no plans to stop doing so anytime soon, which is why he is hellbent on finding the fountain. He is not afraid to shoot, maim, kill, or seriously burn anyone who disobeys him, questions his authority, or gets in the way of him and his much sought after prize. He is a crazed madman with absolutely no redeeming qualities to him whatsoever, and that's why I love him so. He's sadistically,unapologetically evil, he knows this, isn't afraid to admit it, and won't apologize for his actions. He's; quite simply; great... brought to all too terrifying life by the great actor Ian McShane.

It's also quite fun to watch as Captain Jack goes about trying to somewhat control Blackbeard's actions throughout the film and watch Jack's reactions as his plans continually backfire, with sometimes disastrous harm to those around him. As much as he tries to make himself out to be a selfish, careless pirate, Captain jack is actually much more human...a fact that is more obvious than it has been before and that that he hates to be reminded of. There are points in On Stranger Tides where Jack's actions are meant to protect and save others, which is very cool considering he IS a pirate after all.

The character of Angelica is also great in just about every way. She is a pretty complicated character: equal parts selfish, greedy and self-centered but also caring, sympathetic and selfless. Like all human beings she is filled with contradictions. When around Jack she knows how to lay on the sexuality and charm to turn him to jello. She promises him a slot as her partner once they find the Fountain of Youth, a prospect that Jack is quite excited about. At the same time though, Jack is fully aware that she is a selfish, greedy, all-around BAD human being. While at times Jack appears to have fallen under her spell, he still manages to stay in control of the situation no matter how hot or tempting she may get. Her first scene where her bosom pops out into the theater (You gotta love the 3-D) she firmly establishes herself as a memorable heroine/villain in the film.

Barbossa is back as well in this film, although he is missing a piece or two (You''ll see what I mean). In this film he is working for the British Government as a Privateer that is also in the race to find the Fountain of Youth. It feels good to have Brbossa back in this film, and the scenes he shares with Jack are memorable and funny, exactly as they should be. Can I just say that Sparrow and Barbossa really are one of the best screen duos I've seen in a while.

Also back is Joshamee Gibbs. Here he falls in with Barbossa's crew and helps both Barbossa and Jack achieve what they are looking for. He shares some funny and entertaining scenes with Sparrow as well. His and Sparrows relationship is that of buddy/buddy and Dog/Owner...it really is quite amusing.

Now, like all other Pirates films ,On Stranger Tides has a love story thrown in. A young missionary named Philip (Sam Claflin) finds himself falling for a mermaid he names Syrena (Astrid Berges-Frisbey) that Blackbeard's crew needs in order to get the waters of the Fountain of Youth to do their magic "eternal youth" thing. This is by far the weakest part of the film, and the filmmakers could have thrown out this plotline altogether and the film would have been much better for it. Philip and Syrena make sad-eyes at each other throughout the film, to a point where I wanted to vomit. In fact, Philip barely serves any purpose at all in the film. He continually begs with Blackbeard to show mercy and kindness to others, but we already know that it's a worthless cause...people like Blackbeard can't and don't deserve to be saved. He is an annoying, whining little snot.

One of the more interesting aspects of the film (even though it does lead into the god-awful romance portion) is the characters of the mermaids. These beautiful, tempting, half-naked creatures sing lullabyes and sweet nothings to sailors to lull them into a false sense of security and then they drag them from their ships, pull them to the bottom of the ocean and eat them alive. They are truly the monsters of the sea, mesmerizingly beautiful but deadly. Syrena is the main mermaid of the film, and quite possibly the youngest one of the bunch (most likely in her early 20s). Throughout most of the film the question is raised if she is different from her deadly sisters, but sadly we never get a satisfying answer to this.

On Stranger Tides was shot in 3-D and is the first Pirates film to do so. The backgrounds, settings, and fight scenes all look so good in 3D I have to create my own word to describe them. FanMazing (a mix of Fantastic and Amazing). They look Fanmazing (Copyright pending) in 3-D. While there are portions where objects jut out of the screens and things go flying out into the theater (It's worth the price alone for the super cool 3-D effect involving Blackbeard at the end of the film...I almost crapped my pants), for the most part the 3-D is used to add an extra dimension of depth to the proceedings and to create a YOU-ARE-THERE feeling to the film. It's one of the few times where the 3-D is not a waste of money and actually adds something meaningful and worthwhile to the film. So, go ahead and fook out the extra few bucks to see this baby in 3-D, trust me, you won't regret it.

On Stranger Tides is the best out of the Pirate sequels. It doesn't feel like a blatant cash grab like Dead Mans Chest (I did love Dead Mans Chest, but it doesn't feel like a complete film due to its cliffhanger ending, and having the main focus be on Sparrow, while entertaining, just didn't feel right), and it's MOUNDS better than it's god-awful predecessor At Worlds End.

Overall, while it's plot may be a bit muddied (let's be honest....no one goes to these films for the plot, they go for Jack ), On Stranger Tides still manges to bring the franchise back to its roots and is more of a stand alone film than the other sequels. It feels good to have Jack back as more of a secondary character that is more-or-less just tagging along for the ride. Fun, silly, and jaw-dropping in all the right ways; On Stranger Tides recaptures the spirit of Black Pearl while managing to stand on its own two sea legs as it's own film. It's a pretty decent sized success that is the first great film to emerge from the movie offerings of this summer.

4/5 Stars- FULL PRICE