BEETLE REVIEWS ONE OF THE WORST FILMS OF ALL TIME- THE ROOM

Let me start out by saying that The Room is one film I feel every reviewer MUST review. It's not an easy task, believe you me...but it's SO worth it.

I'm sure that by now most of you have heard of The Room, an independent film written, produced, directed, and starring that most unforgettable of actors, the amazing Tommy Wiseau. Shortly after its release (I don't think it ever made it to theaters to be honest, but I'm not sure) The Room quickly grew well known as one of the worst films ever made. Of course, with me being the intrepid reviewer that I am I could not resist a film that is regarded as such, so I set out to strap myself to the seat and watch The Room .

The Room is about Johnny (played by Tommy Wiseau), a kind, naive banker whose sluttish wife to be, Lisa, is having an affair with his best friend, Mark, behind his back. That's pretty much it for the plot folks, not that that really matters much. People don't watch The Room for the plot, they watch it for the acting witnessed within (I'll get to that later).

While Johnny is the main character there are plenty of side characters that pop up, from the creepy kid pervert, to the mom who just found out she's got breast cancer (a throwaway detail that is never brought up again in the film, watch for her reaction to her discovery of this disease), to Johnny's clueless best friend. They honestly don't add anything to the plot, and are just there...because. It comes across like Tommy Wiseau got a bunch of his friends together to act in this film, even though none have any believable chemistry with each other (Even Johnny and Lisa lack chemistry, to get the point across that they are in love Wiseau throws in several explicit sex scenes between them that feel unneeded and only add excess to the film. In fact there are a total of 3 sex scenes within the first 26 minutes of the film, a world record.) We never really care about any of these characters. Lisa spends the majority of the film sleeping with Johnny and Johnny's best friend, and then complaining to her mother that she doesn't love Johnny and blah blah blah. The creepy kid pervert, named Denny, spends most of the film giving Lisa creepy looks and saying unintentionally inappropriate lines. The Mother is a nagging, complaining, bitchy shrew. While Wiseau does try pretty hard to make the character of Johnny likeable, it only half works, we can see he is a good man but we just can't commit ourselves to care about him (Wiseau's performance doesn't help matters either)

The script is one of the worst ones sampled (It's all exposition, we are told EVERYTHING), and the acting is atrocious. the assembled cast have ZERO acting ability (I did some research and it ends up they were indeed just actors, most seem to have only negative things to say about their time spent filming The Room) , the worst actor in the bunch being the almighty Wiseau himself. This is why people watch The Room, the script is so terrible and the acting so bad that it's impossible not to enjoy this bad film. Wiseau is the Jesus Christ of bad acting, every line he speaks is terribly acted out, his emphsis being put on the wrong words. Bask in his glow people, it's a rare treat to be able to see the ultimate low in acting ability, but believe me, it's here in The Room.

The whole film feels thrown together. There are scenes that lead to nowhere, there are subplots and details that are brought up and dropped almost immeadietly after they are introduced (The mother's breast cancer is one example, Denny's owing some dough to a drug dealer is another one). Character's lack arcs, constantly contradict themselves and lack motivation or reasoning for doing what they do in the film, none of them resemble a real human being in the slightest.Another perplexing part of the film is that every guy in the film seems to be obsessed with playing Football, I can't quite understand why Wiseau did this but it comes across as quite bizarre and unintentionally hilarious.

Wiseau is actually trying to convey some sort of message about his life in The Room. Apparently he's been screwed over by women, and the moral of The Room seems to be: Don't trust women becuase they are dirty whores. Not a good message, but it does hold some truth to it (some women are bad, but none are nowhere near as bad as Lisa.) Wiseau tries to convey this message throughout his film, and while he does stumble with it, we still understand what he's trying so hard to say. Wiseau also comes across as a bit egocentric in the film, thinking that everyone should love him and care about him even though we all know that's not how the real world is. In The Room we essentially get a peek into the inner workings of Wiseau's mind and his flawed understanding and perception of the world, it's almost fascinating.

The Room is every bit as bad as people are claiming it to be. It's a drama that is unintentionally hilarious. I was surprised to find myself thoroughly enjoying The Room despite how bad it was, laughing at just about every scene. It's really hard not to like The Room and while it is one of the worst films I have ever seen, I want to recommend it to everyone I know, the combination of "so bad it's funny" acting, pointless scenes, unrealistic characters, terrible dialogue (so bad it's memorable), and the standout performance of Wiseau makes The Room a fun, unforgettable experiment in the art of bad filmmaking.

1/5 Stars

The Room gets 1 star becuase it is a terrible film, but I still strongly urge everyone to view this baby at least once, trust me...you'll be glad you did.

And on a seperate note, Wiseau has been known to take down any review he finds of The Room. Let's see how long mine stays up here.

BEETLE DISCOVERS THE BEST SHOW ON TV: DEATH VALLEY

Werewolves, and Zombies, and Vampires...OH MY!!!

It was by pure coincidence (and luck) that I happened to stumble across the best show on television right now. My friend Grumpy had been referred to the show by one of the people who worked at our local GameStop. Since I am his friend he gave me a ring and we sat down to give it a cautious glance (after all, TV ain't what it used to be kids!). Now, after watching four episodes I can safely say that I am hooked on this delightfully original (AND FUN!) throwback to B cinema style.

Death Valley takes place in San Fernando Valley, which has recently become host to a bevy of supernatural creatures. In response to this new threat a new task force dubbed the UTF (Undead Task Force) is created. The show plays like a Cops style documentary that follows both the UTF and the camera crew that follows them around catching all of the action on tape.

Included in the show are a cast of comical characters: there's Officer Joe Stubeck (Charlie Sanders), the "nice guy", Officer Billy Pierce (Bryce Johnson), the funny guy and easily my favorite character on the show, Officer Kirsten Landry (Caity Lotz), the ass-kicking female, Officer Carla Rinaldi, another female cop who is pretty well-rounded, Officer John "John-John" Johnson (Texas Battle), a cop who is always ready to kick some ass, and there's Capt. Frank Dashell (Bryan Callen), the goofy head of the UTF. Together they must put their differences aside if their going to keep their city safe.

It's a fairly straight-forward premise, but it offers hours of gory ass-kicking fun. Death Valley perfectly captures the B movie spirit with some great humor, awesome one liners, kick-ass action scenes, and enough gore to satisfy the blood thirsty. Its not very often we get such a great B style "horror/comedy" show on television, so this is a super rare treat for me. I highly recommend Death Valley to anyone who is looking for a genuine good monster-bashing time. It's the perfect show to watch during the Halloween season (which just so happens to be creeping up on us as we speak).

Death Valley airs on Mondays at 10:30 on MTV.

DRIVE IS AN EXERCISE IN SILENCE

The best kind of film is one that stays with you long after the screen fades to black. It imprints itself on your brain and refuses to be forgotten. Drive is one of these films.

I refuse to review this movie, I refuse to talk about its simplistic yet complex plot. I refuse to review it because it's a film that is not made to be reviewed, it's not made to be assigned a number, it's made to experienced. I am still digesting it, trying to make sense of what it all means. How does it's title fit into the bigger picture?

Drive is a new kind of film, unlike anything I have ever seen before. It's got long moments of silence where tension builds and builds until the silence explodes into startlingly brutal sequences of violence and action. It's also got lots of beautiful shots of LA at night. It's a quiet, tense, super-artful, colorful, violent film. I've even created a name for the kind of film Drive is: I call it Neon. The whole feel and look of the film just screamed that word to me (the whole film plays like a slow neon dream).

Ryan Gosling is great as the leading character that is only referred to as The Kid or Driver (even though I kind of took to calling him Billy. Billy the Kid). He drives for a living. During the day he is a stunt car driver, during the night he is a getaway driver. He is a man of few words, and he's almost emotionless. He doesn't cry, or scream....but behind his stoic facade you can sense the rage and sadness bubbling up inside him at certain points throughout the film. When he does explode into brutal violence it's both terrifying and thrilling in all the right ways. We want to cheer him on even though his actions are almost monstrous at times.

Drive also has superb performances by Bryan Cranston as the Fagin-esque Shannon, The Kid's father figure of sorts that owns a car garage where The Kid is employed, Albert Brooks as Bernie, an all too charming reluctant villain, and Ron Pearlman as a foul mouthed gangster named Nino. I also have to mention Carey Mulligan as the quiet, troubled girl next door Irene. There are a few other cool surprise appearances by a few others but I won't mention them here.

Drive reminded me of The Godfather. Alot of scenes just screamed the style found in that film and some of the themes in drive are similar to themes found in Godfather. Take Arthouse film making, mix in some 80s feel, add in a touch of explosive violence, and top it off with some of the old style of film making as well and you've got Drive: One helluva different film. It was made to defy your expectations, so the best way to walk in is with no expectations at all.

I didn't love it, but I really really liked the fuck out of it.

BEETLE LOSES HIS COOL IN SHARK NIGHT 3D

Why, oh why did I decide to see this terrible, stupid, worthless film??!!!! Was it out of a sense of fairness? Was it out of some stupid hope that it could end up being a good film? Was it because I was bored and had nothing else better to do (ya, it was probably this one)? Either way, through some bizarre twist of fate, my butt ended up in a seat for this film, and oh how I wish it hadn't.

Shark Night 3D is about some college friends that decide to vacation on a saltwater lake/marsh and slowly get chomped up by a bunch of Jaws wannabes. That's it for the plot. The film also explains how the sharks got in the water in the first place. Ends up some rednecks and the local sheriff dumped some sharks into the lake, attached some video cameras to them in an attempt to catch some neat kill footage (Their big fans of shark week...and how do the sharks survive in a lake??? As I said above, it's a saltwater lake).

Ok, let's get to the nitty gritty here, the sooner I finish this review the sooner I don't have to think about this film ever again. Right from the first trailer I could tell that Shark Night was going to be a Piranha 3D rip off. From the footage I was expecting Shark night to nab an R rating, not so lucky because Shark night swam away with the all too unfortunate PG-13 rating. The result is that the film is pretty lacking of all the things a good B horror film needs: Tits ( there are a few scenes where characters strip down to bathing suits/bikinis to show off their goods, but even these feel forced. We do get a bare guy ass, but that pissed me off. So it's ok to show a bare guy ass, but a bare girl ass is stepping over the line?? Fuck you film), ass, gore, and creative kills. We barely get to see any kills, usually only getting a shot of a teen falling into the water....sometimes we get sharks flying out of the water, but those times are few and far between. There is basically ZERO gore as well. Mix all that into the most flippin cliched characters you will ever see in your life, a horrendously bad script, and awful awful 3D (I pretty much chose to keep my glasses off because I could easily make out what was going on on screen, laziest cash grab of the technology I've seen so far).

Shark Night is the only film I have ever continually checked my watch in, and the only film I have ever walked out of (and I NEVER walk out of films). From viewing the film, it became obvious to me that the creators of Shark Night had no respect for the audience, the actors, or the 3D technology. They wanted to cash in on all the teens that couldn't go and see Piranha 3D, so they haphazardly threw Shark Night together and marketed it as if it was the next Piranha 3D, knowing full well droves of clueless teens would flock to it.

Shark Night is a truly terrible,piece of shit film. It raped my eyeballs and stole a good hr and 25 mins of my life that I will NEVER get back. If I had my way everyone involved with this film would burned at the stake and then paraded around town to be made an example of. The things I do for you guys, I took a bullet for every single person that reads this review, so that you don't have to see it. Now I can warn EVERYONE to not just see this film...but boycott it. Tell your friends, tell your family...warn everyone NOT to see this film.

Quite simply: SHARK NIGHT BITES!

.5/5- FUCK YOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!

WARRIOR IS GREAT

I don't know how else to start out this review besides these words: Warrior is a fantastic film, and even that doesn't do the film justice.

Warrior is the story of Brendan and Tommy Conlon, two brothers that used to dabble in MMA but have since moved on. Tommy has just returned from war, and Brendan now has a family of his own and is married to the stunningly hot Tess. However, when past demons and financial issues begin to take a toll on the brothers, both decide to step back in the ring to fight for what they believe in.

One of the reasons Warrior is such a great film is due to its strong cast. Tom Hardy (AKA Bane in the upcoming Dark Knight Rises) plays tortured soul Tommy. When he was just a teen he had his life ripped out from under him and is still dealing with those events today. I had my doubts about Hardy as Bane, but after viewing Warrior I have full faith in him. In Warrior, Hardy is a beast. A terrifying, unstoppable agent of destruction. For Warrior he put on an extra 25 Ibs. of muscle (and it shows). I don't want to say much else, but after this film I wouldn't want to be the guy who'd piss off Hardy. Here he plays kind of a dick, but one who becomes much more likeable and whose motivations become clearer by the end of the film.

Joel Edgerton is Brendan, the family man. He works as a teacher at a high school and occasionally moonlights as a fighter outside a titty bar. When financial troubles rear their ugly heads and his home is threatened with foreclosure ( an all too real, scary thought in today's times) he is forced to step back into the ring to fight for his home and family. It's almost as if he is sacrificing himself for the ones he loves (a noble effort and cause indeed). His fight scenes are some of the tensest ones seen in the film, he looks like a normal joe and is nowhere near as built up as the animals he must spar with and so there is always the very real threat that Brennan could wind up in a stretcher by the end of the film ( and indeed, he does get handed quite the beating often throughout the film).

Jennifer Morrison is Tess, Brendan's faithful caring wife. She does a superb job here as the "scared for her husband's life' love of his life. Great acting besides, she also has a perfect ass that is showcased throughout the film (no nude ass shots, but the clothes she wears accentuate that part of her body beautifully). Tess and her daughters provide a more than believable reason for Brendan to stand up and fight, and they are indeed worth fighting for (I know if I had a family like that I'd tear the walls off of a building to protect them). While she jumps back and forth between supporting player and lead character, she still makes a lasting impression and is yet another memorable character in the film.

Nick Nolte is Paddy, the father of Brendan and Tommy. He has a dark past and did some truly terrible things to his family that his sons are still feeling the repercussions of today. He has repented and sobered up though, and now all he wants is to reunite with both of his sons, but they want nothing to do with him. This is quite possibly one of the best roles Nolte has played in a while. You can feel his remorse and pain throughout the film, he is truly sorry for what he has done and would likely step back in time and change his actions if he could. When Tommy reluctantly asks Paddy to train him again, Paddy accepts thinking it would give them both time to reconnect. Of course Tommy isn't interested in that and takes every opportunity he has to remind his dad how much of a piece of shit he thinks he is. Paddy tries throughout the film to reach out to both his sons to no avail, and when he finally breaks down, the ensuing scene is sure to leave most welling up. If Nolte doesn't get a best supporting actor nod in the Oscars it's a crying shame.

Another moving aspect of the film is the relationship between Brendan and Tommy. While this aspect isn't touched on until close to the grand finale, when the film does explore it, it creates some more believable character depth that is quite surprising. Brendan and Tommy have also made a few mistakes in their pasts that have alienated each other. When the two finally do meet face to face on a beach, we expect the scene to go one way but instead it takes a completely unexpected route that will leave most stunned and effectively lays the groundwork for the final epic fight between the two at the very end of the film.

Talking about the fights, how could I not mention what draws each member of the audience to the film in the first place. Each fight is fast, swift, and deadly. Punches are thrown, people are thrown against the cage, bodies are slammed to the floor, and even though we don't get much blood we can imagine it quite clearly. Most of the fights happen near the end half of the film which takes place at an MMA/UFC tournament that both Brendan and Tommy have entered and the reward to the ultimate champion is alot of cash (there are also 2 short fights near the beginning of the film that are sure to leave most breathless). The highlights of the tournament are a match that spars Brendan with a muscular Russian killing machine (similar to Drago in Rocky 4) and the final climactic fight between the two brothers. Most will find themselves panicking during the final fight. We have gone through the film following the two characters quite closely, and the end result leaves us split between who we should root for. I know I certainly didn't want to see either of them take a beating, and when inevitably things get a bit out of control it left me with my pants pinned to the edge of my seat. This is one fight where nothing is certain, and quite a few surprises are thrown in for good measure. The end result is heart-breaking and is sure to leave most with tears streaming down their face.

In the end, Warrior takes a page out of all the classic fight films and follows some of the tropes faithfully, but the thing that sets this one apart from the others is its brutal MMA style, and it's strong heart and character development. In the end, we end up caring for everyone involved. Warrior is so much more than a fighter film, it's a film that also tackles a family's sordid issues and troubled past, and has their conflicts resolved in the ring. It's one of the ultimate guy films, but I'd recommend it strongly to anyone and everyone. I'm not ashamed ( but am a bit surprised) to say that it's the best film I've seen in theaters this year SO FAR (we still do have the fall season after all, and anything can happen when movies are involved). So if you want an early peek at Bane, if you love films that deal with serious family issues, and if you love watching some guys beat the shit out of each other until one can't stand anymore, then Warrior is definitely the film for you....maybe it's the film for all of us.

5/5 Stars BEETER THAN SEX

MOVIES I LOVE: BACK TO THE FUTURE

" Yeah, well history is gonna change."

Movies I Love is a brand new segment to the site. In this segment I will take time to discuss several of my favorite films. Today, I start out the first ever Movies I love by taking a fond look back at Back To The Future.

I can't remember how young I was when I first saw Back To The Future, but I'm positive I was very young (definitely in the single digits) and that due to my age the film had a large impact on me. I remember that the beginning scene when Marty skateboards into town by hitching rides on the back of cars had an interesting effect on me. I don't know why but I thought that that was the coolest thing I had seen, and so I took to riding on the front of shopping carts as my mom strolled around picking up groceries. She would worry that I would make the cart top heavy and it would flip over onto me. Coincidentally, Back To The Future was also the first film to introduce me to the art of swearing.

Enough about me for the moment (we'll touch back on the films impact on me later), let's take a closer look at the film.

For those of you who have never seen Back to the Future (an idea I find hard to comprehend), it is the story of Marty McFly, your typical 80's teen. He's got a smoking hot girlfriend, square parents, and is struggling to make a name for himself. He struggles to relate to his dad and so has found a surrogate father of sorts and mentor in the form of eccentric scientist Doctor Emmet Brown. One day, Marty is asked to help the Doc document his latest scientific invention: a time traveling Delorean. When things inexplicably take a turn for the worse, Marty finds himself sent hurtling back to the year 1955 where he inadvertantly alters the space time continuim and thus his existance. Now with the help of The Doc from 1955, he must find a way back to his own time, fend off the advances of his mom, play matchmaker to his parents and continually ward off the school bully Biff if he is to preserve his existance and get back home. That's pretty much the story of Back To The Future. While on paper it may sound complex, the way it is presented in the film makes it alot easier to understand and gives us several opportunities to have fun with the material presented.

The elements that made Back To The Future the classic it is today are the characters, their relationships with each other, the underlying "classic" themes, and the time traveling Delorean that acts as a macguffin and a catalyst for Marty's Journey. Let's start by looking at the characters and their relationships to each other.

Marty McFly has the world at his feet. He's got an incredibly hot girlfriend (main reason she is in the film is to give Marty a reason to want to go back to 1985), a band, and a sweet skateboard and the skills to go with it. The only things holding him back are his parents and his fear of rejection. He is lucky to have a girlfriend as great as Jennifer, who is willing to risk tardiness to help him out and is almost like his partner in crime. Since his dad is so pathetically weak,  Marty has taken up hanging out with the local oddball scientist, Doctor Emmet Brown, in an effort to connect with any older male figure. In fact, it is the Doc's and Marty's friendship that the film is really grounded on. If it wasn't as well-written as it, is their friendship could have come across as creepy and wrong, but here we inherently understand why the friendship works. Marty needs a dad he doesn't really have, and Marty is the sole person who believes in Doc and that makes the Doc feel good and important. They need each other for different reasons, and if they didn't have that bond not only would the film suffer, so would their characters.

Doctor Emmet Brown is a failed scientist. He is known as the local oddball and weirdo, almost like the town drunk. In 1955 Marty shows up on his doorstep asking for help and when The Doc (out of pure curiousity) obliges he is introduced to the one invention he made that works, and he hasn't even invented it yet. This, along with Marty's strong belief in The Doc, helps The Doc continue to move forward and gives him the faith in himself that he was lacking before. Getting to befriend Marty in 1955 also strengthens the bond these two share.

Lorraine is Marty's mother and is one of the hot girls in school. Getting to see the diffrerence between Marty's mom in 1985 and his mom in 1955 is shocking, In 1955 she is a real bombshell. When Marty jumps in front of a car that was meant to hit his dad, the course of history is changed and Marty's existance is threatened. Now, instead of harping on his father Lorraine harps on Marty, going against the very things she claimed she would never do to a guy when she was younger (in a speech she gave Marty in 1985) which includes stalking, calling, and parking with a boy. It is always entertaining to watch the exasperated, confused, and quite scared Marty try to fend off his own mother's advances. We can tell that she does have an interest in Marty's Father, George, but due to Marty's repeated heroic attempts against School bully Biff all Lorraine can see is Marty. It's Marty himself who keeps getting in the way of and thwarting his parents relationship, ironically enough.

George is the wimpy school nerd that is constantly harrassed and picked upon, and there are several striking similarities between him and his son Marty that are touched upon in the film. Both have a strong fear of rejection ( a trait both must overcome during the course of the film, George also has to overcome his wimpy ways and learn to stand up for himself), and both share some intersting mannerisms as well. It is Marty's attempt to save his dad from an oncoming car that winds up altering the course of future events. If the car had hit George as it was suppossed to, George would have wound up in Lorraine's bed and they would have fallen in love, instead it is Marty who winds up in Lorraine's bed, and so she falls for him instead. Throughout the course of the film, Marty tries to encourage George to talk to Lorraine and whenever things seem to be going the right way Biff steps in.

Biff is another one of the memorable characters in Back to The future. He is the dim-witted School Bully that suffers from a low IQ and a tendency to forget the correct punchline to a joke. While he is dim-witted he still poses quite a threat due to his violent tendancies, including trying to run over Marty with his car and trying to rape Lorraine while in a drunken rage. He plays host to quite a few memorable lines, and despite his status as main antagonist is still loveavble due to his stupidities.

We can't forget about the classic soundtrack and iconic score by Alan Silvestri, from the main theme to Earth Angel to Power of Love to Johnny B. Goode to Back In Time (each of these till succeeding in stirring up strong emotions and memories in me today), each song and piece of music is instantly unforgettable and once heard will undoubtedly implant itself in your memory, I know it did in mine. Let's face it, Back To The Future would just not be the same without the music and score found within, which help to elevate the film to a higher level here.

For a popular family film, Back to The future plays host to quite a few subtle sexual themes. It is clear from the get go that Lorraine is eager to jump on Marty, that Biff is eager to jump on Lorraine, and that Marty is eager to jump back in his Delorean and get the hell away from his disturbing situation with his mom (it gives a whole new meaning to term 'Freudian'). The subtle sexual themes aren't glossed over, but never really take the spotlight except for a few scenes here and there (Marty's introduction to young Lorraine comes to mind), and they are mainly played for laughs but still add an interesting believable tension to the film, after all, isn't it every kid's worst nightmare to be crushed on by their mom...yuck.

One of the most interesting things about Back To the Future is the macguffin/plot device/catalyst known as the time traveling Delorean. From it's first glorious reveal in the film to it's final flying shot it is an instantly unforgettable element from the film. It looks sleek, smooth, but also dangerous and bizzare in a weird sort of way...not to mention it isn't fully reliable as it continually breaks down at the most crucial moments in the film. The Delorean is almost a character in it's own right (eventually becoming a full fledged character in BTTF Part 2, where it gets a bad-ass upgrade that made me love it even more). It is believable that Doc made the conversions to the Delorean in his workshop and it even kind of resembles the Doc's style in several ways. Of course, I will go even more into detail on The Delorean in another segment of Movies I love which will focus on Back To The Future Part 2.

While at first glance Back To The Future appears to be a Time travel adventure, in reality it is a genre bender. It's a coming of age story of sorts mixed with a time travel film and a rom com. The reason I say that The Delorean is a macguffin is becuase it sets the story at hand into motion. Back To The Future is really about a young kid getting the chance to go back and learn more about who his parents are and thus learn more about who he is as well. It's basically a case of "You can't know where you're going without knowing where you've been". It's beautiful in its simplicity, and it's a theme that gets more meaningful the older we get. Back To The Future is truly a film for all ages, and that is why it has stood the test of time so beautifully. Every person who has seen Back to the Future wants to take a joy ride in that Delorean, they want to take time to chill with The Doc and Marty, They want to go on their own adventures through time and know that everything will end up ok in the end. Back To The Future still resonates deeply inside me, it helped spark that sense of adventure and curiousity that still lives on inside me today. It was a big part of my childhood and is still a big part of who I am today, the simple truth is I wouldn't be the same without it (I guess you could say this about every film I grew up with, don't all films help shape those who grew up with them?) and that's why I Love Back To The Future.

Of course, like most films that will be featured in this segement, Back To The Future get a 5/5 BETTER THAN SEX

IS IT 2015 YET?

Hey There Beetle-heads!!!!!

I don't know about you guys, but I am a HUGE (like scary huge) fan of the Back To The Future Franchise. While Back To The Future is (of course) the best film in the franchise, my personal favorite one has GOT to be Back To The Future Part 2. WHY???? Well, mainly because the Delorean is in it a lot more, and we get to see it fly for most of the film. Now, that's not the only reason to give part 2 another looksy, becuase not only does it offer us a mind-numbing series of paradoxes and some more great lines and thrilling scenes, it also offers us a glimpse into a future everyone thought would never be (2015 IS fast approaching after all)). For those who feared the 2015 seen in BTTF 2 would never be fully realized, FEAR NO MORE!!!!!

I present: Exhibit A- Powerlaces (ALL RIGHT!!!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28Wa5L-fkkM

Nike is unveiling actual Nike Air MAGS (that's the actual name of the shoes Marty wears in 2015) later TONIGHT!!!! They should be available worldwide soon!!!! I imagine they would cost quite a bit, but for me at least they will be worth the price tag.

You see, this is something right out of Back To The Future. If Part 2 had never been made the technology for this shoe to actually exist would never have been dreamt up, But because Part 2 was created and The Air MAGS were featured in it, it inspired Nike to actually create said shoes and thus create part of the future we would come to know. So a brand inspires a fictional product in a film that inspires said brand to create an actual product based off the fictional product and thus fiction becomes reality. As the old Doc would say: GREAT SCOTT!!!

You think I'm making all this up??? I present: Exhibit B

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ6SkdkXjAQ&feature=player_embedded

YES, THOSE ARE THE ACTUAL AIR MAGS US BTTF FANS HAVE BEEN DREAMING OF FOR YEARS!!!! They look pretty bad-ass, dontcha think?

And if you want full details here's a link to an article about the Air MAGS

http://www.slashfilm.com/producer-frank-marshall-teases-big-back-future-announcement/

So, with the Air MAGS actually being made FOR REAL, maybe there is hope after all for these other neat inventions seen in the 2015 segment of BTTF 2 to make it into the real world.

Flying Deloreans- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flge_rw6RG0&feature=related

HOVERBOARDS (only downside, they don't work on water)- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsMr0Rqk6tU

I guess that about sums it up, so I leave you all with one of the coolest intros in film history

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLRk4xG-JCI

I'LL SEE YOU IN THE FUTURE (WHERE WE DON'T NEED ROADS)

UNFORTUNATE UPDATE:

I'm wearing my sad face. Apparently The Air Mags DO NOT feature "Power Laces". They are rechargable, and they do light up and look pretty bad-ass but GODDAMNIT NIKE, WHY EVEN PRETEND THEIR AIR MAGS IF THEY DONT FUCKING SELF TIE!!! WE KNOW YOU HAVE THE FUCKING TECHNOLOGY TO DO THAT YOU CHEAP BASTARDS!!!!!!

What's worse, their only selling off 1500 Air Mags....off of FUCKING EBAY!!!!! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSSED TO DO THAT NIKE???? KEEP SHELLING OUT MONEY UNTIL I'M THE HIGHEST FUCKING BIDDER??!!!! GODDAMNIT!!!!

The money Nike raises off the FAKE Air Mags will go to a parkinsons fund (so that's good news I guess). So, let's recap...shall we?? The new Air Mags are actually NOT Air Mags after all, there are only 1500 shoes up for sale on Ebay (and Ebay ONLY) and once those go no more will be made or offered so start throwing your money at your computer if you really want a pair.

All in all I'd say this is some pretty disappointing shit. Nike had the chance to put themselves above and beyond all other shoes companies and introduce an exciting new technology into the shoe making world that they and they alone would possess. Imagine the millions they could make off of that, they would DOMINATE the shoe world. Instead, they pussied out and made a finite amount of shoes that aren't what they are suppossed to be, and the money raised will go to a parkinsosns fund (probably the only good news to come out of the announcement). Oh, and ( as I predicted) they cost a shitload of money (at least 3,500 simoleons).

So there ya go, if you'll excuse me I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.

Articles about new Air Mags

http://www.nicekicks.com/2011/09/nike-air-mag-officially-unveiled/

http://www.slashfilm.com/producer-frank-marshall-teases-big-back-future-announcement/

WHY CAN'T I HAVE NICE THINGS???

ONE MORE UPDATE

I was able to dig up a patent for some Nike Air Mags, and suspiciously enough the patent includes POWER-LACES. Check it out!!

http://hypebeast.com/2010/08/nike-air-mag-marty-mcfly-patent-news/

Since it has already been confirmed that the 2011 Nike Air Mags will NOT feature power-laces, is this patent then for a 2015 version or is it just fake garbage used to hype up all the fan boys? Personally, I hope it's the next step for the Air Mags, and I hope that (if real) they release these babies in 2015. Of course, I can't help but be a little cynical, but one can still hope right....RIGHT??

RED STATE FEARS GOD, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT FEARS GOD.

Red State is one of the most terrifying films I have seen since the Exorcist. This comes as quite a surprise since it comes from the mind of Kevin Smith, a man who is new to the art of the scare and is better known for his comedic styling (he made the clerks films, among others).

Red State begins as a teen sex comedy, then it morphs into a terrifying look at religion before it finally becomes a fast-paced (and yet still terrifying) action thriller. It is a rare breed, and it deals with the subject of religion without ever really taking sides (it doesn't question the existance of a God, it just follows a group of demented religious extremists. The film never says that a belief in God is wrong, or that religion is evil. It just touches on a simple fact: sometimes people take things too far).

Red State begins under the macguffin of 3 teens heading out for a quickie with a lady they met online, but before anything can happen the rug is pulled out fom under them and they find themselves at the mercy of a radical group of religious extremeists that consider the 3 part of a plague that MUST be wiped out. Before long though, Feds interrupt their fun and the rest of the film from here on out takes place during a heated firefight between the feds (led by the always amazing John Goodman) and the religious extremists ( led by Michael Parks).

Michael Parks plays the character of Abin, the god fearing and hate filled preacher that preaches fire and damnation. He advocates for violence against the teens they have captured saying that the old testament is against the killing of men, not the killing of insects (the message being that these kids are filth and so it's perfectly ok to torture and murder them). He does an outstanding job of making us fear and hate him, and pretty much every second he is on the screen you are rooting for him to bite the bullet. He is a great antagonist for the film, showing no remorse for the crimes he himself is commitiing and the crimes he encourages others to commit.

Nicholas Braun, Ronnie Connell, and Kyle Gallner (You may have seen him in Jennifer's Body and Nightmare on Elm Street 2010) play the three kids that are dragged to the hell church. They are believable in their all encompassing fear and are extremely easy to root for. That said, they are not given a whole lot to do here except to pee their pants, run, scream, and cry. Although the film pretends that they are the main characters, in reality they are not. After a while they are reduced to more-or-less background characters (this isn't a bad thing, coming across as a surprisingly fresh move)

John Goodman is Joseph Keenan, the federal agent put in charge of the operation at hand (which is to investigate the church and find any illegal firearms the extremists may be hiding). He works for the ATF (Buraeu of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and explosives). What is suppossed to be a simple in and out quickly escalates out of hand as the extremists take up arms against the feds. John Goodman is superb as always as the moral compass for the film. He is pretty much the star of the film and the character that the film is grounded on. His character has to make several difficult decisions throughout the film that come with all too real consquences, and it is great fun to watch him hesitate with the tasks excpected of him. He may be aging (his age shows quite a bit in this film) but John Goodman is still one of the best actors out there today.

Red State is a new breed in the horror/thriller genre, using the topics of religion vs. government and religion vs. society as its means to scare the audience (and scare it does). It makes unexpected turns and goes places the audience wouldn't see coming, it's filled with many great (and disturbing) surprises. Built on a decent script and standing on several great performances from its leads (Melissa Leo is also terrifying as the woman that tricks the 3 teens and Kerry Bishe emerges as a rising star with her portrayal of Cheyenne; one of the extremists who recognizes that her and the others have done wrong but insists that they should be put on trial instead of being slaughtered as the feds want), Red State easily emerges as the scariest, most thought provoking film of 2011 thus far.

4/5 Stars

BEETLE GRABS HIS BASEBALL BAT AND PREPARES TO ATTACK THE BLOCK

For all of 2011 I've waited to see a film that would really get my blood pumping, that would thrill me, chill me, and surprise me. Well, good news folks: Attack The Block is that film.

Attack The Block follows a group of hoodlums: Pest, Moses, Jerome, Dennis, and Beats. One night after mugging an innocent woman the group's leader, Moses, is attacked by a being from out of this world. Enraged, Moses rallies his group and together they hunt it down and bash its face in. Triumphant, they gloat to each other, unaware that bigger baddies are hurtling towards Earth and that soon it will be up to them to protect their small apartment complex (referred to as The Block, hence the name of the film).

While at first the film seems to be a fun, adrenaline filled joy ride, after a while the film does a 180 and becomes quite serious and dark as the teens numbers diminish and they find themselves in a fight for their lives. The film is stock full of surprises that I am not at liberty to reveal (the real reson for the alien's attack, etc.), but I will say that, although the sci-fi elements are at the forefront of the film, that's not really what the film is all about. Attack The Block is actually more of a redemptive journey for these hoodlums as they realize the troubles the have caused and go about trying to right their wrongs by protecting the girl they mugged earlier and by protecting their apartment complex from the alien hoardes.

While the film appears to be all good times and fun, when you look at it on a deeper level it really is quite mature with the way it handles its characters, its plot, and the subject material. Moses for one has a moving speech about violence and killing, it adds a depth to his character that I was not expecting to be there (pleasant surprise). In fact, most of the hoodlums (and the mugging victim, whose name is Sam, by the way) have some depth added to their characters. Although they may be scum, this added depth and attention to character development makes each of the hoodlums likeable and thus easy to root for. It is apparent that they are just innocents doing what they have been brought up to believe is "cool". It's almost kind of tragic.

Another neat aspect of the film is the language the characters use. The hoodlums speak in slang. It does take a few minutes to learn the lingo, but by the end of the film you will be speaking the slang along with them. The alien design is also pretty terrifying, the proceeding aliens getting bigger, nastier, and meaner as the film progresses.

Attack The Block is an alien invasion film that has copious amounts of violence, profanity, blood, gore, and drug use but it also has a good message and lots of heart to boot. It is by far one of the happiest surprises of the year so far. Not only is it an outstandingly well-made (and acted, every actor/actress in the film acts their heart out here with Moses stealing the show. My personal favorite character was Pest, by the way.) film, but Attack The Block is also one of the best films of 2011. Believe it, Bruv!

5/5 BETTER THAN SEX