HAHA: SMALLS REVEALS THE PURPOSE OF HIS LAST POST

If you've read my last post, you may be wondering what is up. Please, allow me to explain. There is NO SUCH THING as an actual Hollywood Tower Hotel. So, why did I post a review of it??? Why, as an introduction to the actual review today.

The Hollywood Tower Hotel only exists in your imagination, and at Disney's Hollywood Studios. Guests are welcome to book a stay there, but don't expect to be checking out anytime soon.

The Hollywood Tower Hotel at Disney's Hollywood Studio is home to one of the most thrilling and well themed attractions in the industry: The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. This attraction is an elaborate free-fall ride that sends guests on a hair-raising runaway elevator ride up and down and up and down thirteen scream inducing stories. Don't be surprised if you need to take some time out after your adventure to catch your breath.

The story is the same as the history of the hotel I posted in the previous thread. Hollywood Tower Hotel is a beacon for the Hollywood elite, but on one night a fateful lightning storm would send an entire floor of the hotel along with an elevator carrying some notable guests crashing straight into The Twilight Zone. Now, the hotel has re-opened and you, the new unwitting guests are offered the chance to book a stay there....but your room lies beyond the 5th dimension and you have to take a service elevator to get there. That's right, tonight you will be starring in your very own episode of the Twilight Zone, narrated by Rod Serling himself.

The Hotel itself is quite breathtaking. Right from the scarred and charred exterior (a truly imposing and threatening structure if I ever saw one), you can tell not all is right with The Hollywood Tower. Should you make the wise choice to book a stay at the hotel, you will find yourself first winding through a densely overgrown exterior queue which I refer to as The Gardens. Lush trees and bushes tower over you and surround you, luckily there are signs that will point you in the right direction. As you wind your way closer to the entrance , you will come across a defunct fountain (dried and cracked) and several decrepit and creepy statues. Eventually, you make it through the doorway and straight into the decaying Lobby of The Hollywood Tower Hotel. The centerpiece is a decrepit owl statue surrounded by dead roses and flowers. The whole lobby is covered in cobwebs and the people who used to occupy this area seem to have disappear mid-activity. There is luggage strewn around, a hat and cane, a Mahjong game that is stuck mid-move, a book with a page frozen mid-turn, and other really neat and creepy touches. We can clearly see the Front Desk, but no one is manning it. A bellhop will escort you to The Library (filled with props from The Twilight Zone television series, please feel free to browse around) while you wait for them to finish preparing your room. As you make your way to the Library entrance you will pass by the main elevator doors which appear to have been blown outwards by some strong force inside, they have a sign placed around them saying Out Of Order.

Once inside The Library, a particularly fierce storm seems to have started outside, lighting strikes and plunges the room into darkness and a TV flashes on. The into to The Twilight Zone Plays and Rod Serling appears to inform us what we are about to experience, should we choose to trek on wards. After this the back door of the Library slides open, and a bellhop informs us that our room is now ready and we are to board a maintenance Service elevator which will take us up to our room. We exit the Library and make our way through the dark, atmospheric, and creepy Boiler Room. At the center of the room we meet another bellhop who will direct us to an elevator and assign us a row. Once the elevator doors open, you move into the creepy looking elevator and take your seat. The elevators used to have lap bars, but those were later replaced by seat belts...thus most seats don't have something you can hold onto. This is why I usually aim for the seat closest to the wall...the wall has a small lever that I tend to grasp onto tightly for the duration of the ride. After you are buckled in and your bellhop finishes the safety check and dispenses a few final words of wisdom, the elevator doors slide shut and your're on your own as the elevator ascends into it's very own episode of The Twilight Zone.

This is where my review stops, I don't want to give too much away after all. All I can say is that the ride itself will take you on a very quick tour of the hotel, after which you will enter the 5th dimension for a harrowing series of ups and downs (the elevators reach a top speed of 39 MPH in the span of 1.5 seconds, the biggest drop on the ride is 13 stories and there is a good chance you will experience a fall from this height several times) that seem to never end. Each drop sequence is chosen at random by the Tower itself (Not even the bellhops or ride operators know which drop sequence you will experience, and each time you ride you will wind up with a different series of drops so, like the old tagline used to say, it's never the same fear twice).

Now, a word of encouragement. I, myself, have a decent sized fear of heights and falling, called Acrophobia. I DO NOT like free fall rides, but I have been on a few in my time and The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror is probably the one I enjoy the most. The combination of the unique storytelling method, elaborate theming, and intense thrills actually lead to me to consider it as more of a unique thrill ride than a free fall ride. That's right, I do not consider The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror a free fall ride. In fact, I actually LOVE this ride, and look forward to going on it whenever I'm in the Studios and I used to be one of the wimpiest guys you'd know. Just the sight of a roller coaster would send me running for the hills, I'm much braver now though. So, if someone like me can not only handle The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, but also thoroughly enjoy it and run back in line numerous times to ride it again...well, I'm sure then that even the most spineless of wimps (of which I used to be one) will find themselves enjoying this unique and fun little ride (That only lasts a total of around 3 minutes, the actual free fall portion only lasts for a good minute).

So next time you're in Disney's Hollywood Studios, feel free to book a stay at The Hollywood Tower Hotel (or at least walk through the queue if you don't think you can handle the ride, although trust me, you can) I guarantee that you won't regret it. Till next time, this is your Ghost Host with the most most saying...Happy Landings. MWAHAHAHAHAHA

Tower of Terror gets a 9.7/ 10 Stars (I wish the ride portion was a bit longer)

SMALLS DROPS BY THE HOLLYWOOD TOWER HOTEL

My feet were killing me. I had walked a long ways to get here, but what stood before me made the pain completely worth it. A symbol of the bygone days of Hollywood, a relic from a lost era....The Hollywood Tower Hotel.

Opened in 1917, The Hollywood Tower Hotel used to be the it spot for movie stars of the time, a beacon for the Hollywood elite. It's popularity would be tragically short lived but the Hollywood Tower Hotel would live on in infamy forever. In 1959, during a Hollywood party an intense storm hit Hollywood, and The Hollywood Tower Hotel was struck by lightning. The elevators were lost during the strike as well as a whole floor of the hotel along with some Hollywood guests that just happened to be riding in one of the elevators, which crashed. Their bodies were never recovered. Shortly afterwards, the Hollywood Tower Hotel was condemned...it seemed that a Hollywood Icon would remain shuttered forever, looking down on the changing area like a ghost of the past.

Luckily, as fate would have it, a wealthy landowner was able to buy the Hotel and successfully re-opened the Hotel in 1994. the Hollywood Tower Hotel was back in business again.

Of course, I could never resist the chance to stay in a place with such a rich history and that played host to one of the most tragic events to ever hit Hollywood, so last year I made my reservation and booked a room in the Hotel. Let me tell you, I was not disappointed. The whole Hotel, exterior and interior have been kept intact from the way it was all the way back when the hotel first opened...the effect is absolutely stunning. When you step foot into the hotel it's almost as if you are stepping back in time.

The rooms are stocked with all the usual amenities (shampoo, towels, TV). The beds are comfortable, and there is room service provided. The staff on hand at the hotel are courteous and eager to help, I have to give a shout-out to the bellhops at the hotel...they go above and beyond in the call of duty. The Hotel also has some tennis courts, a pool, and some gardens...all of which are worth your time should you choose to visit them.

When you leave, you are given a free certificate stating that you were a guest at the hotel on whatever date you arrived. The guest and staff made my visit a more than pleasant one and made it clear that I was welcome back if ever I should choose to return.

A neat thing about the hotel that I have to point out is that, after the famous storm of '39 the main elevators were rendered inoperable and despite the new managements best efforts it seems that they shall remain this way. This means that in order to reach your room, guests will have to take the maintenance Service Elevators which more than do the job. They may not look as pretty, but they definitely get the job done. It helps to remind you that, despite it's former glory, that the road to get where the hotel is today was not necessarily an easy one.

So, I have to give The Hollywood Tower Hotel 5 Stars and my shining recommendation. So, next time you are in the Hollywood area, please do drop in to The Hollywood Tower Hotel. The staff is DYING to satisfy your every need, and there is usually a vacancy or two available.

SMALLS GETS WRAPPED UP IN RUBBER: SPOILERS!!!!

I love Rubber. I know there are people out there who definitely would not enjoy this film, but let's face it...a film about a sentient tire with psycho-kinetic abilities that goes around exploding people's heads isn't exactly a film that's aimed to please large crowds...luckily I'm part of it's target audience, and I've come here to explain the film to those who just won't be able to understand why it's so brilliant. I'm not knockin you if you can't understand the film, if you can't it's really not your fault. The beauty of Rubber is that if you get it, then you're meant to get it and if you don't, then you never were supposed to in the first place...you dig?...I'm confusing you, aren't I?

Rubber starts out with a fantastic opening monologue about the importance of "No Sense" in films and in life. Not only does this speech explain and warn us what we are about to watch, but it also introduces what is arguably the best character in the film, Sherriff Chet (Stephen Spinella). Chet acts as a guide of sorts on our journey, acting as a character inside the film and also as an actor in real life. Most of the memorable scenes in Rubber feature Chet, and he is a fascinating man to watch. The film also has some other actors in it (the only other notable ones being Jack Plotnick as the dweebish and nasty Accountant, and Roxanne Mesquida as the super hot Sheila), but the main billing here really goes to Chet and Robert The Killer Tire.

Rubber presents itself as an homage to "No Sense", but in reality it is actually a fairly deep commentary on the art of film itself. From the first scene, in which a random group of people (dubbed "The Audience") are plopped down in the middle of a desert and given binoculars through which they will watch the proceedings, you know you are in for something really special and different. One of the things Rubber does is analyze the audience's reactions to the proceedings and their tendency to over-analyze certain aspects of the film. The film makes a strong statement about the audience when it kills all but one picky critic off (who then becomes the catalyst for the rest of the film) by feeding them a poisoned turkey. What exactly that means I'm not sure, but either way it can't be good for us.

One of my favorite things in Rubber is it's comment on when a film begins to run a bit too long. Rubber itself does run a bit too long, and the film acknowledges this by having Chet, after a failed attempt at stopping Robert, burst into Robert's house and point blank shoot him. Chet's actions are not done because he is heroic, they are done because Chet is tired of the film running on for so long and just wants the damned thing to end (The kicker??? Robert is quickly reincarnated as a tricycle shortly after Chet storms out of the picture). These are just two examples of some of the commentary you will find in this extraordinary film.

Rubber is a twisted, warped, absurd, and hysterical commentary on film. Not much really happens in Rubber, but the film is brilliant nontheless. It's bound to turn some people off, but the film seems unfazed by this because it was never targeted at a large audience to begin with. Rubber is a unique, different film that was created by film fans for film fans, so chances are if you are a film fan that you will more likely than not enjoy this weird little flick...however, if you do not fall into this category why don't you slip in that coveted DVD of Shark Night and leave this one to us big boys.

5/5 Stars

TOP FILMS OF 2011

I wanted to do my full review of We Bought A Zoo first, but I find my emotions for this film keep getting in the way (a first). So instead, I've decided to do my list of top films of 2011 first and worry about the full review of We Bought A Zoo Later.

Now, like everyone else on Earth, I wasn't able to see every single movie that came out in 2011 (and I wasn't able to review every one I did see, and my opinions of those that I was able to review may have changed slightly). So, keep this in mind as I present MY TOP 10 FILMS OF 2011 (This list may be altered when I finally see Melancholia and Martha Marcy May Marlene).

#11- Midnight In Paris

Midnight In Paris is a beautiful film to look at, not to mention it's also got a pretty cool story and boasts the best performance we'll probably ever get out of Owen Wilson. Tackling themes of nostalgia, all the while making literary die-hards drool...Midnight In Paris is sure to captivate most.

#10-Hugo.

Hugo is the story of a young orphan who takes care of all the clocks in a train station, it is also a story about the history of movies. Hugo may not be Martin Scorcese's best work, but it is definitely his most magical.

#9-Limitless

What if there was a pill that could make you the ultimate version of yourself? This is the fascinating subject that Limitless attempts to explore. It's not a perfect film by any means of the word, but it does succeed at capturing your attention and imagination. Bradley Cooper does a surprisingly great job as Eddie Moira, the author stuck on a losing streak into whose hands the super pill falls into. The film makes it fun to watch Eddie get into trouble and then have to think his way out of it, and Limitless also makes you think. What would you do if this pill fell into your hands? A fast-paced joy ride of a thriller, Limitless is super fun. Buckle your seat belt and hold on.

#8- Super 8

No, I didn't put this on the list as a pun. Super 8 really is a super film. I've already said all I really can say about Super 8 in my fairly lengthy review I posted a few months back. If you want my full thoughts in the film, you'll have to check back there for them.

#7- Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2

Go on and boo me if you must, but you have to admit this film is pretty damn impressive. It knows exactly what it wants to be and goes about achieving it's various goals in a truly brilliant and inspiring way. Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 bring the Harry Potter Saga to a close in an emotionally satisfying way for both fans and non-fans alike.

#6- The Beaver

The Beaver just may be the darkest film of the year. It's a dark look at depression and how it affects the individual and those around him/her. Disturbing, awkward, and uncomfortable, The Beaver may be hard to watch but it's so worth it in the end. Complete with believable and all too real performances by Mel Gibson, Anton Yelchin, Jodie Foster, and Jennifer Lawrence...The Beaver is a realistic, painful film and it's all the better for it.

#5- Warrior

Warrior is a superb film about a broken family whose issues are sorted out in the ring. A completely heartbreaking, emotional film...It's sure to leave most in tears by it's end. It's not all sad though, as it's numerous fight scenes are gripping and brutal and the portrayals by Tom Hardy and Joel Edgarton are super. This is one of the few films that I would recommend to anyone and everyone.

#4- The Artist

The extremely rare silent film stuck in the age of talkies, coincidentally, that's also essentially what the premise of this clever little film is. With great performances all around, an adorable pup, and one hell of a gimmick (NO TALKING!!!), The Artist succeeds in being a sweet little throwback to the golden days of film. Oh, and the great John Goodman is in it....what more could you want?!

#3- Rango

Yes, it's animated...SO WHAT? Rango is a completely different, original, unique take on the western genre that is supported by a zany Johnny Depp and stunning animation work throughout. A breath of fresh air, Rango is without a doubt THE BEST animated film of 2011.

#2- Drive

Drive is a different kind of ultra-violent film, one where the character's don't do much talking and instead say all they need to say through their body language and facial expressions, one where the setting of a somtimes beautiful/sometimes scary Los Angeles is a character unto itself, one where the song choices help to tell the story. Drive is completely fascinating and altogether poetic, beautiful, and tragic. It's a new modern classic that NONE should miss.

#1- The Descendents

It's very rare you get to see such a well-rounded film. I don't normally like these kinds of films, but this one really surprised me. It's got a really great script, it's just about perfectly acted, it's full of emotion, and it's got one hell of a killer surprise cameo in it. The Descendants juggles all of its topics and emotions perfectly, and makes for one fine film. I'll definitely be re-watching this one again and again and again when the Blu-ray comes out.

HONORABLE MENTION: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

This film would have easily made it onto the top films of 2011 list...except it did not come out in a wide release until 2012. That said, be sure to look for it in my Oscar review coming later. It really is a phenomenal film, despite grouchy critics. If I were to fit it into my Top films of 2011 list, I'd put it in the number 2 spot therefore extending my list fro 11 films to 12.

So there you have it, my top 10 films of 2011...I'm sure most were surprised by my #1 pick...and that's fine. I had a blast in 2011 and I hope to have an even bigger blast in 2012....so here's to a bright new year.

THE TALE AS OLD AS TIME LOOKS BRAND NEW: BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 3D

I start out the new year in style with my review of Beauty and The Beast 3D. Like Lion King, I'm pretty sure that everyone knows the story of Beauty and The Beast so this review will mainly focus on the 3D aspect of the film. Now, I haven't seen this film in ages, so getting to see it in a theater again was a real treat. The film about a beautiful, book loving woman and the Beast with a heart of gold is just as good as it ever was. It still manages to touch your heart and I'm surprised to say that it is without a doubt one of the best love stories ever. All the characters are still a joy to watch, and it is easy to get caught back up in the classic tale. Beauty and the Beast is still one of the best animated Disney classics around.

Now comes the difficult part, I HATE to bash on a universally beloved classic like Beauty and The Beast but as a burgeoning critic I must. The 3D to be sampled in this film is far from perfect. It felt like Lion King got the 3D down better than Beast did. The background shots (the opening shot of the wilderness, the shot of Belle running up a hill to sing, all the scenes in the dark creepy forest) are spectacular as usual, and some of the key scenes in the film (Be Our Guest, Maurice's initial trek through the woods, The Beast's fight with the wolves, The ballroom dance scene, and the Beast's transformation) succeed in stealing your breath away. The depth is beautiful and some of the rooms seem to stretch on for quite a bit (like the Library and the staircase, for example). Unfortunately, for most of Beauty and The Beast we are focusing on the human characters and the backgrounds are not as prominent. This is where the 3D slips up, the characters look awkward and sometimes disproportional and the 3D isn't always given ample time to shine like it should. Some of the exquisite shots that look so good in 3D only last for a mere 2-3 seconds, the effect is like passing by a beautiful, large room and only being able to catch a quick glimpse of it. It's actually somewhat frustrating.

The thing we must remember is that Beauty and The Beast was not a film made to be viewed in 3D( the 3D is not a perfect fit for the film). Beauty and The Beast was ready to be released in 3D several years ago, but never got the chance. This means that the 3D team had worked on the 3D transfer for quite a while (Beauty and The Beast was actually the first Disney film to be converted to 3D), which makes it all the more frustrating when we view the final product. I feel like Beauty and the Beast 3D could have been so much better than it is. That said, while the 3D version from the film may not be a perfect product, it is still a satisfactory one. No, you won't be throwing away dollars when you pay to see Beast in 3D....just don't expect to be overly impressed. Adjust your expectations. I'm happy to say that there is still much to enjoy in this old classic, especially when it looks brand new like it does now.

So, what I'm saying is expect certain scenes to steal your breath away, expect fantastic, deep rooms and backgrounds, and expect somewhat awkward human character work (the best character work in the film is the Beast's first entrance when he confronts Maurice, there are a few moments when some characters seem off...mainly the human ones). As I've said the best thing about Beast 3D is that it looks brand new.

So, go ahead and see Beauty and the Beast 3D if you feel so inclined. It's still a classic film that has stood the test of time surprisingly well (like most animated Disney films have).

3.5/5 STARS

CLOSING TIME: THE JAWS RIDE CLOSES TODAY

Yes, today is a dark day for Universal and Theme Parks everywhere. One of the best attractions and themed lands in the WORLD is closing forever at the end of the day: The Jaws Ride. it had thrills, it had chills, and it had a good deal of butt-kickin too. It will be missed.

To commemorate this sad day, I have decided to share MY Jaws story with all of you today, here goes.

I don't want to say goodbye. I can't remember the first time I went on the ride, but I do remember I was terrified of going on it. The shark plus the flames were enough to put a young tot like me runnning for the hills. I remember watching the old video with John Forsythe and seeing the flames from the Jaws ride in the vid. I thought the boat actually would sail right into the flames and burn up. I remember the old ads with the shark eating up the boat, I thought that was really going to happen. It all seemed larger than life to me. I was terrified, but somehow I did eventually go on it and a love affair was born.

I made sure to ride Jaws numerous times whenever I would go to USF (one day I actually rode it 14 times!!!!), I memorized the Skipper spiel (one of my dreams was to be a Jaws Skipper one day, was going to apply sometime this year for a position) and still act it out in my home today. If I had to choose my favorite lines they would have to be: "Wait...you mean these things are actually loaded???" and "WE'RE THE BEST and only scenic cruise on the island". My favorite scene? Hard to say honestly, the whole ride is just tops!!!! I'm going with Amity 3's wreck/the first fin.

One of the things that kept me coming back was the theming, not just of the ride but of the whole Amity area as well. Once I step under the Amity 4th of July Celebration banner it's like I am actually in the REAL Amity Island. From the boardwalk games (Amity is the only area where the games actually fit into the established theme), to the little shops, to Nathans, to Captain Jake's Town Square....everything fits perfectly into the area. I always enjoyed getting to soak up the atmosphere of Amity while I was in the area, of the town and of Amity Boat Tours queue line as well (YES, there is tons of theming in the queue itself, tons of little knick-knacks in the waiting line that are fun to look at), the WJWS Hey There Amity video also helped to firmly establish the storyline of the ride (if you actually take the time to watch it). I still stand by my statement that Amity was the best themed area in USF, and it's sad that we are losing it.

As you can imagine, I was shell shocked to learn that Captain Jake's/ Jaws would be closing down forever. At first I thought it was some kind of sick joke (I first heard about it on the official Jaws Facebook page), after Universal made the announcement the reality of the situation first started to set in. I felt sick. On the 3rd of December I created my own Jaws Fan Forever T-shirt and ran to USF to catch what would end up becoming my final tours around Amity Island. I said a personal goodbye to the Bruce Photo-op that night and went home and cried. A part of my childhood and a ride that helped to inspire me would soon be gone forever.

I would end up becoming a part of what some people called Captain Jake's Army. I wrote to Universal (and received what was essentially a copy-and-pasted response), posted numerous things about the ride's closure and encouraged people to fight on Twitter and Facebook, I signed petitions...in short, I fought for a good 30 days. Naturally, my efforts were in vain... Jaws would still met its end. Now, all I can hope for is for Uni. to salvage some ride props, hopefully place the Bruce Photo-op somewhere else in the park.

I used to have vivid dreams about the Jaws ride, that's how much the ride had imprinted itself on my psyche. I must have had at least 5 dreams about it, probably more. I hope I will continue to dream about it, that way I can continue to take Boat Tours even while the ride is gone. I will miss the Jaws ride and Amity Island very much, and will probably think about them every time I pass by their replacement. The memories that were made for me there will last a lifetime, I know I will never forget them. So, sail into the sunset Captain Jake's and Jaws....You were the BEST and only scenic cruise on the Island and I Love You. CHOMP CHOMP