PAIN AND GAIN IS THE SPIRITUAL FOLLOW-UP TO SPRING BREAKERS

As much as it pains me to say it, Pain and Gain is much, much crazier than Spring Breakers. In my header I say it is the spiritual follow-up to that film, mainly because it is another film set in SoFlo about idiots making very bad decisions that involves heavy drug use and heavy stylization.

In Pain and Gain we follow meat-head personal trainer Daniel Lugo (Mark Whalberg). It is 1994 and the setting is Miami. Lugo wants to live the American Dream (he wants cars, girls, a fancy house and piles of moo-la), but he is strapped for cash and so comes up with a crazy plan: to kidnap someone, force them to give him everything they own, and then live that dream to the extreme. He puts together a team consisting of  Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) and Paul Doyle (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson), both of which are clients of his. For his victim, Lugo sets his sights on another client named Victor Kershaw (Tony Shalhoub), a snobb-ish, rich asshole. Not everything goes according to plan, but the gang still wind up living that dreamed about life for a few months before they are caught and thrown in jail. Believe it or not, this is a goofy comedy, it's all true and it's directed by Michael Bay of all people.

Mark Whalberg does a pretty great job as Lugo, but the real standouts here are Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Tony Shalhoub, and Ed Harris. Dwayne's Doyle is a Christ-loving and god-fearing man who just wants to do good, but isn't afraid to knock a motherfucker out if need be. Once he starts living the high-life, he turns to Cocaine and his life quickly spirals downwards as his new hobby completely takes control of his life. His best scenes are before he gets all coked up. It's great fun to watch Doyle try to convert the Jewish Kershaw to Christianity, and some of The Rock's lines and the way he delivers them are comedic gold. Shalhoub is also super-great as Kershaw, but you only truly start to like him after you see all the shit he goes through and how he is left with zip after his ordeal. It's great to watch as he struggles to put his life back together, while just about everybody refuses to believe what he went through. Ed Harris plays Ed DuBois, a P.I who takes up Kershaw's case and is the only non-comedic one in the bunch. He does a fantastic job as a man who's only concern is justice. He's probably the most lovable one of the bunch here and his last scene is pretty superb.

With Pain and Gain, Michael Bay has finally found his sweet spot. It is by no means a serious film. It's tons of high-octane, roid-filled, super-insane-o, goofy fun. That said, Bay portrays Lugo's gang (who act as the focus of the film) for what they truly are: low-level criminals who don't have a single brain cell among them. They are bad, rotten people. While it is easy to have fun with their scenes (mainly due to some HILARIOUS lines and scenarios), not once are we encouraged to root these bastards on. In fact, it actually feels good to watch these people get busted at the end of the film (No, this is not a spoiler. We see them arrested at the very start of the film). Bay does right here for a change, and while he certainly doesn't restrain himself here at all, Pain and Gain is still his best film yet. 

Pain and Gain is a film that moves along at a break-neck speed as it continually spirals into unbelievably insane heights. You won't believe what you are seeing on the big screen to be true, but sadly it all is, which makes the ultimate conclusion that much more rewarding. The bad guys get what they deserve. Pain and Gain is yet another film that explores a group's attempts at living the American Dream by doing bad things in order to fuel this lifestyle. With Sophia Coppola's Bling Ring out later this year (another film that focuses on the very same thing) it would appear we may be seeing the start of a new trend....I certainly hope so. Pain and Gain is a crazed, goofy, and super-fun roller-coaster ride of a film that enjoys throwing viewers through several insane loop-the-loops. It's easily the best comedy I have seen in a very long time. ALL HAIL BAY!

4 STARS out of 5

Oh yes, and Bar Paley has got one helluva perfect ass that Bay (as usual) LOVES to film. Ain't nothin' wrong with that!

SMALLS TELLS EVIL DEAD TO FEAST ON THIS

While most claim this is a re-make, I see it as more of a continuation of the Evil Dead franchise.....maybe a bit of a reboot too. Why do I say this? Well, it's clear lots of evil, nasty shit has happened at this cabin presumably numerous times before the newest group consisting of your typical underdeveloped horror characters arrive on the scene. In fact, if you look close enough you may see some remnants of the crazy shit that went down in both The Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2.

In Evil Dead,we follow Mia (Jane Levy), her brother David (Shiloh Fernandez), his girlfriend Natalie (Elizabeth Blackmore), David's ex-best friend Eric (Lou Taylor Pucci), and Eric's girlfriend Olivia (Jessica Lucas). Mia has some serious drug dependency issues, and so the group has decided to shack up at Mia's family's cabin until she's able to kick her habit. While at the cabin, the group uncovers a creepy book. Eric, a  high school teacher, is intrigued and against his own better judgement opens the book and reads aloud some passages which awaken an ancient evil that proceeds to slowly take possession of the group one by one, starting with Mia. 

I honestly had trouble getting invested in this film, mainly because of some poor character work. We never learn much about the characters. We know Olivia is a nurse who thinks she knows everything, she's not very likeable. We know Natalie is David's kind and caring girlfriend, she's basically just there. David is a brother who has been mostly absent in Mia's life, he is trying to make amends. Mia is the much-put-upon sister who has had to deal with some hard times in her past (like having to care for her Alzheimer's plauged mother), we assume she turned to drugs for help coping with her life and to help erase her pain. Eric is a smart high school teacher who used to be BFs with David, but now resents David mainly due to David not being there for the group or for Mia. That's about it for character development. The plot isn't very complex or interesting either, though I did like it here (not that a film like this really needs a complex plot, but some real twists and turns wouldn't hurt.). 

Most of the cast does a decent job, with the standouts being Shiloh Fernandez as David, Lou Taylor Pucci as Eric, and Jane Levy as Mia. Shiloh Fernandez is likable in his role and does a fine job, but isn't all that memorable, and Mia's character isn't really in it except for the beginning and the very end, for most of the film her character is possessed so we aren't really watching Mia, we are actually watching a demon. Now, Levy is to be commended for pulling off her 3 roles (victim, demon, and heroine) with a good amount of believablity, and you can tell she really enjoyed her stint as main demon (probably her most memorable role in the film). That said, I really didn't care for Mia here, and that's not really the fault of Levy, but the fault of a weak script which has some snappy dialogue here and there (most of which belongs to Mia's demon character) but for the most part is just kind of there. I feel that the best character here is that of Eric, as portrayed by Lou Taylor Pucci, he is really put through the wringer here, but keeps trucking on nonetheless, he is also super likable and sympathetic. Eric is the only one I really didn't want to see die (and NO, I'm not telling if he makes it out in one piece).

Another problem with this film is that it has 3 Ash characters here: Mia, Eric, and David. I feel Eric most resembles Ash since he is the one who goes through the most shit in the film. David resembles Ash since he is the "hero" for most of the film, and Mia resembles Ash because she winds up being the main hero here, she gets to battle a demon, and she also suffers a similar injury (which I personally feel was crow-bared in, it was a bit too much in my opinion). If the film had chose one character to be the Ash of the group that would have been fine, but having 3 just weighs the film down, makes it look like the film can't make up it's mind, and makes the film weaker overall.

Ok, now onto the good stuff.....mainly, the gore! The gore and blood effects that appear in Evil Dead are pretty great. We get multiple mutilations and dismemberments, some nail gun and chainsaw fun, a pretty severe 3rd degree burn and some gruesome parts involving  a hypodermic needle, among many others. Evil Dead thinks being gory and bloody is scary....bad news: It's not, but it sure is fun (wow, am I desensitized? Probably). This is probably the most blood and gore I have seen in a film in a while. Unfortunately, every one of these scenes feels clean and a bit too polished. I would have preferred if these parts were a bit gritter to be completely honest....but hey, at least there is a lot of the stuff here (more than enough to satisfy any gore hound). I also enjoyed all the nods to the original classic like the Oldsmobile (which has seen better days), the necklace (which actually is given some pretty cool backstory here, backstory that makes it's use in the original films make sense), some classic lines, a double-barrel shot-gun, and a chainsaw among other things.

 Evil Dead's biggest accomplishment is that it perfectly captures/re-creates the tone of the first film. Yes it is super bloody and gory and icky, but these parts have an inherent sense of fun and playfulness to them. This is the kind of film you want to watch on a sleepover with friends. Evil Dead is far from a perfect remake, but for my money it is SLIGHTLY better than the original (helps that the effects found here are of a higher quality). While those looking for some serious scares are likely to be disappointed, those who came in seeking a fun, gory time will enjoy the hell out of this cool little flick. Sam Raimi and Bruce "The Man" Campbell would be proud (and they are, seeing as they are the main producers here). 

3/5 STARS

JURASSIC PARK IN IMAX 3D IS A CINEPHILE'S WET DREAM

Jurassic Park is a film that has always been near and dear to my heart. Ever since I first saw it when I was young, I've had a certain fixation about the film.The idea of a Jurassic Park helped to spark my imagination, and the park itself is so full of potential that when it all ultimately falls to shit I can't help but share in Hammond's pain.  I would re-watch the film constantly when I was just a boy, and when I grew older and learned it was a novel I just had to read it, and that only served to further strengthen my love for this property (the film and the book are two entirely different beasts. They are both great, but in entirely different ways). I've seen the film and read the book countless times, and love each just about equally. When I learned that Jurassic Park was getting the 3-D treatment....and was going to be shown in the IMAX format no less, I decided that I couldn't let this golden opportunity pass through my fingers. This would be my first time ever seeing this classic in theaters, and it's forever changed the way I will look at this film. Jurassic Park is a film that was made to be seen on the biggest screen possible, it's the very definition of what a theatrical film should be. It's large, loud, bombastic, thrilling, all-encompassing, and audience engulfing.

For those not in the know (of which I hope there are very few), Jurassic Park follows Dr. John Hammond (played by an eccentric, starry-eyed, joyful, and foolishly idealistic Richard Attenborough), a wealthy creator of a very special biological preserve named Jurassic Park, which needs a few outside opinions before it can be officially opened to the public. Hammond calls upon "Rock Star" chaotician Dr. Ian Malcom (played to absolute perfection by Jeff Goldblum, who is clearly enjoying the hell out of playing this character), greedy lawyer Donald Gennaro (Martin Ferrero), Paleontologists Dr. Ellie Satler (Laura Dern) and her partner Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neil, also perfect here), and Hammond's own grandchildren Tim (Joseph Mazzello) and Lex (Ariana Richards) for said outside opinions. Unfortunately, a disgruntled employee of the park (Dennis Nedry, played by none other than Newman himself, Wayne Knight) decides he has had enough and sabotages the park in an attempt to escape with some valuable information which a competing company wants, in the process freeing all the dino's. Now, with Jurassic Park thrown into a state of total chaos it's a race against time to restore power and order to the place (with the help of computer specialist Ray Arnold, portrayed here by an epic cigarette smoking Samuel L. Jackson, another actor who seems to having a great deal of fun here.....love that cigarette) , a task which proves to be herculean and maybe even pointless.....is it too late for Jurassic Park? Will anyone survive?

Jurassic Park is a landmark film that helped to change the way movies were made, it was one of the first films to show how useful CGI could be. While it is fun to look back at Jurassic Park as an almost metaphor for those times.....where outdated practical effects artists (paleontologists)  were slowly being replaced by computer artists (Hammond and crew) and the film looks at this through the eyes of the people on the way out. The cool thing most probably don't remember though, is that most of the effects done in the film are practical and not CGI. For example, a large portion of the T-Rex attack is done with a practical T-Rex animatronic.....the CGI is only used when practical effects would have been impractical or downright impossible to do the material justice. This is a large reason why the effects work so well, the CGI and practical effects work together to help build the illusion that these dinosaurs are actual, living breathing creatures.

Jurassic Park was a film whose intent was to make the audience feel like they are in the world of Jurassic Park, on the big screen this is all the more obvious. The way shots are framed, with elements in the foreground, midground and background help to establish a scene and place you inside it. Even small things like where the camera is set and angled help to place you into the world. There was only so far this attempted effect could go back in the day, Jurassic Park was a film that was just waiting to be converted into 3D and by god, those crazy bastards at Universal did it....they really did it and they did it beautifully. Somehow, the 3D team here worked with the original film and it's cinematography to craft a 3D experience which I would compare to Avatar, except done and executed a million times better. They didn't force the 3-D, but did it in a way so that it came off naturally. The 3-D is just about a perfect fit for the film as can be evidenced by the above stated fore, mid and background elements which combine to create not just a fantastic illusion of depth, but another illusion that most 3D films strive to achieve but rarely do.....that there is no screen or window in front of you. There is no separation between film and theater, they become one and we, the audience, find ourselves fully engulfed in the world of Jurassic Park. It took my breath away.

Every scene you expect to take your breath away does. The big reveal of Isla Nublar is breath-takingly beautiful and filled to the brim with depth (and that score, oh god that sweeping score), our introduction to the T-Rex paddock gave me chills thinking about what would occur there later and the mere look of the thing helped in the giving-me-serious-chills department too (those large electrical fences in that area....oh man, how different, unreal and scary they are in IMAX 3D), the T-Rex attack had me in jaw-dropped, knee shaking awe and terror (the T-Rex animatronic is a thing of pure beauty, and by god is that thing large!!!! Look at how big it's head is, it's mouth, it's teeth.....I'm still in shock. And I'm not kidding about my knees shaking, first film to ever make me do that. Not sure if it was out of pure terror or pure heart stopped awe or a mixture of these 2. Either way, the T-Rex attack works amazingly well in IMAX 3-D, really making the height difference between the kids and the T-Rex stand out in such a way that it increases our worry for them and their predicament), Dr. Grant's tree climb and narrow escape with Tim from a falling car was beautifully IN-YOUR-FACE/YOU-ARE-THERE, the first raptor attack inside the power generator with Ellie is perfect in it's dark, eerie intensity and that fist-pump inducing ending where the T-Rex gets to tear into those nasty raptors and then strikes that I AM THE KING pose and roars at the audience (You can't help but bow down after that). You know what, every single damned scene ROCKS in IMAX 3D, as I said earlier the whole film has a YOU ARE THERE, YOU ARE IN THIS WORLD feeling to it that really knocked my socks off.

Jurassic Park  has a somewhat surreal quality to it when viewed in IMAX 3D, with it's extreme close-ups of character's faces and computer screens made all the larger and bizarre when displayed on the downright gigantic IMAX screen. Extreme close-ups of people's heads make them seem to float or protrude just barely out of the screen, then there is the extreme close-ups of computer screens which seem downright imposing and even a bit frightening in IMAX. The extreme close-up shots of the dino's feet as they are chaisng after their prey is also super-impressive in IMAX 3D.  It also helps that the way scenes are filmed, and the lighting and set design help create this different world of bizarre but fascinating science that can be mysterious, intriguing and deadly (perfect example: the way the scene where Dennis steals the embryos looks on IMAX really does make it seem like we are in a bizarre new world). There is also a cool effect where Tim puts on those nifty night-vision goggles and due to the extreme close-up the camera uses it seems like he is peering into the theater for a few seconds. I guess my point here is that extreme close-ups in IMAX 3D are awesome.

Jurassic Park was a film that wasn't made to be seen on your blu-ray player. This monster was made to be seen on the biggest damn screen possible (Go big or go home guys). Jurassic Park is a celebration of cinema and everything that's good about this art form. On display here is a fairly strong script, fantastic acting all around, gorgeous cinematography, memorable monsters, and some kick-ass visual effects (both practical and CGI), not to mention it's also got some moments of quiet brilliance hidden inside. This is a film whose aim is to show audiences an explosive good time, but it can also be surprisingly smart and clever when it wants to be (it's not just a mindless blockbuster guys). While it wasn't made with 3-D in mind, it was THE perfect choice to convert into the format due to the way it was shot and the angles and swooping movements of the camera (oh, and because DINOSAURS!!!!). The IMAX 3D experience here is top-notch as it allows audiences to fully engulf themselves into the rich and fascinating world created here.  I don't cry easily, but when it came time to leave the theater I had to fight back some tears....I did not want to exit this world, I was not ready for this experience to end. Jurassic Park has always been and always will be one of the best, while seeing it in 3D is not mandatory for you to enjoy it (I'm sure that seeing it in  2D on the big screen is still enjoyable) I do recommend that you fork over the extra bucks for IMAX 3D, because as good as Jurassic Park is....it's even better in IMAX 3D, and the world you step into seems all the more real on that large IMAX screen. It's a one-of-a-kind experience that you shouldn't cheat yourself out of.

5 STARS- BETTER THAN SEX

BONUS NOTE: I did some digging, and apparently Sir Steven himself oversaw the 3D conversion here. No wonder it was so impressive!