I used to count myself as a fan of the V/H/S franchise. I could understand why some didn't like the first and second films, but personally....I loved the hell out of them. When I heard that a third V/H/S film was being released I was pretty stoked. The first two films were great , so how hard would it be for the filmmakers to craft another worthwhile outing? Well....maybe lightning can strike the same place twice, but never three times in a row. Let's delve into the shorts and see what the latest installment of V/H/S has in store for us.
The first segment we'll explore is entitled Vicious Circles, which acts as our overarching story. In Vicious Circles a young man is dating a young woman. He seems to have an obsession with filming everything, much to the woman's chagrin. One night, he hears that a police chase of an ice cream van is going to be passing right by his house, so he rushes out to catch the whole thing on camera. Unfortunately, once the ice cream van passes his girlfriend vanishes, leaving him to give chase through the city after the ice cream van in an attempt to get some answers. Along the way he stumbles across gory videos which we get to watch. The main female in this short (Emilia Zoryan) is super pretty and attractive, we do get some nice shots of her ass in nice shorts or her cleavage in a tank top or bra....but, although she does tease at taking her top off, we never get to see the goods. Oh well. This segment cuts to random phone vids just about constantly, switching to random people thru the city for a few minutes at a time. These are not the V/H/S segments, they are just random clips of other people's recordings which are forcibly shoved into this segment for no apparent reason. I suppose this was done in an attempt to give this short a larger sense of scale, but it never works and only confuses the viewer. There is no real plot here, and no real connectivity at all (the segment barely tries to connect our V/H/S shorts together). Vicious Circles is confusing, frustrating, the big reveal makes no real sense and the repercussions of the ending are not fleshed out at all. This is a weak, useless segment and it angers me. Most of my problems with V/H/S Viral are problems that I also have with Vicious Circles (but more on those later). It goes without saying that this is the weakest short in all three V/H/S films. Rating: 1 Star
The first tape we watch is entitled Dante The Great. In it, a wanna-be magician named Dante finds a cloak used by Harry Houdini and discovers that it can actually produce real magic tricks. It isn't long before Dante is a star, hosting sold-out shows in large cities like Vegas. Unfortunately, the cloak comes with a cost. Most of this short is filmed faux-documentary style. This makes for sloppy, confusing, poorly edited storytelling. This short would have ranked a lot lower if it weren't for a big magic fight at the end. This part is super entertaining, very fun, and is easily where the heart of this short lies. While the ending leaves most questions unanswered, the big magic fight makes this one worth sitting through. Rating: 2.5 Stars
The 2nd tape we watch is entitled Parallel Monsters. In this spanish (Yupp, it's subtitled. It honestly didn't bother me.) short, a man creates a machine that opens a portal to an alternate universe. It just so happens that the alternate universe version of himself has created the same machine at the same exact time. Both versions of the man agree to swap places for 15 minutes so they can quickly explore the alternate universes. Needless to say, both universes are different from each other in vast ways. It doesn't take long for this short to bumble it's interesting premise with IN-YOUR-FACE, gimmicky horror. It left a bad taste in my mouth, and it wasn't fun or scary. This one was freaky and disturbing, but not in any real memorable ways. I'm gonna say this is forgettable stuff. Rating: 2 Stars
The third tape we watch is entitled Bonestorm. This short has a simple premise: Skaters Vs. The Dead. In this one, a small group of skaters are trying to make a video of them doing some sick tricks, but they keep getting kicked out of areas they are filming in. Fed up with it all, the group decides to head to a small ditch....IN FREAKING TIJUANA (Most random decision ever. Was this group in Mexico to start with? I'm not really sure, but I suppose it's possible.)! Once there, they find the ditch adorned with ritualistic markings, and it isn't long before the group attracts the attention of freaky cultists. There's not much plot here, and it's not scary at all but the kids are likable, they seem real, and the action is good. I actually had fun and enjoyed myself here. I don't understand the ending, but this short was the only one in V/H/S Viral to come closest to giving me what I was looking for: a good time. It also helped that this short reminded me of the shorts found in the first V/H/S.
Rating: 2.5 STARS
V/H/S and V/H/S 2 didn't seem bothered by nudity at all, whereas V/H/S Viral is perfectly fine teasing audiences but freezes in terror at the thought of showing one single breast (Oh wait, I forgot, V/H/S Viral happily shows us a full frontal of a granny. Doesn't that make you feel a bit better? Yeah, me neither). While this isn't a major problem, it does show how the attitude of the V/H/S films have changed. The first two V/H/S films prided themselves on their edgy, dark, intense, grungy style of filmmaking. V/H/S and V/H/S 2 wanted to try to push the envelope, and they both succeeded pretty well. V/H/S Viral however, seems to want to play it safe. It almost feels like the filmmakers have no new ideas, are out of inspiration and are unsure what to do this time around. V/H/S Viral is completely disappointing. It has a pathetically low number of shorts (four in total if you count the overarching story), and none of them are scary, thrilling, or all that exciting (plus the effects that are CGI are weak). I honestly think that the filmmakers should have waited until they had more material to work with, or some real inspiration or ideas. As it is, V/H/S Viral is dull, tepid and uninteresting. It lacks the thrill, excitement, and scares of the first two films. V/H/S Viral leaves me with some serious questions as to the quality of any further V/H/S films and the future of the V/H/S franchise. This was a fun and exciting experiment while it lasted, but maybe it's time to put the video camera away and give it a rest?
1.5 STARS
No comments:
Post a Comment