BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN: YAWN OF JUSTICE

I'm going to make this a list of complaints, much like my review of Transformers 2 (So yes, there will be HEAVY spoilers). Before I start complaining, let's quickly talk about what I liked:

THE GOOD:

-Zach Snyder is only good at directing action scenes.

- I feel really bad for all the actors here. I don't blame them at all. They are stuck in a bad film, and there is nothing they can do to save it.

- The sequence where we get to re-live the end of Man of Steel, except this time from ground level. I thought this was pretty cool, and it reinforced just how irresponsible Superman is/was.

- Ben Affleck was fine as Batman. I liked getting to watch him get pushed over the edge of sanity by Luthor.

- The last act was the best part of the film. Very entertaining; in a mindless, dumb, blockbuster kind of way. Doomsday battle was great, and Batman's takedown of around a dozen or more baddies in a building was great.  

- The action scenes all looked good, though there were moments where what was going on was hard to make out. Lots of good explosions though. .

- The 3D was passable...decent.

- I enjoyed Jesse Eisenberg's performance as Luthor. He plays him like an insane, mildly mentally disabled  (think Aspergers) yuppie billionaire. I never thought of him as Luthor, but I'd be lying if I said he didn't have me chuckling a few times.

- I liked the new Batsuit and Batmobile, also liked how they explained how Bruce Wayne disguises his voice as Batman.

- Gal Gadot was good as Wonder Woman (When she was in her costume).

- All the action takes place in mostly unpopulated areas. Near cities, yes....but the film doesn't seem to carry anywhere near the amount of deaths Man of Steel had. Still has A LOT of destruction though.

- I like that most of the film is about the powers that be trying to hold Supes accountable for the destruction he has caused previously.

- Holly Hunter may be the best actor here, though she is given little screen time.

Now, onto THE BAD:

- The film is trying to tell five different stories at the same time (It wants to be a Batman film, it wants to be a Superman film, it wants to be the catalyst for a Justice League Movie, It wants to have the battle from The Dark Knight Returns, and it wants to tell the story of The Death of Superman). By trying to tell all five simultaneously, it in turn fails to tell any single one of these stories properly. 

- The film lacks focus. This is both a Superman movie, and a Batman movie. It feels like two seperate movies forced into one single film, and they never coalesce or gel together all that well (It all feels very disjointed). It doesn't help that the film constantly jumps between our three leads (Lex Luthor, Batman, and Superman), never really letting any one character shine (Though I will say it feels like Superman gets the blunt end of the stick here compared to the other two). Between trying to tell 5 different stories in one film, and jumping between characters like it does, the film feels like it forgot to take it's ADHD pills. It all feels like one big mess.

- The film doesn't feel interested in what we came here to see. It's so obsessed with setting up a Justice League film, that the film it advertised itself to be (Bats vs. Supes) takes backstage to setting up a Justice League film.

- The film has zero plot. The first two acts are literally poor build-up (and kind of boring) to the big Bats vs. Supes fight WHICH ONLY LASTS 10 MINUTES TOPS, PROBABLY LESS THAN THAT (and what's worse, the fight really isn't all that great. Some cool parts in it, but it's too short and not as impressive and cool as you would have hoped The Doomsday battle is far, far superior....as is Batman's solo fight against Lex's goons).

- Superman dies at the end. He's only been Superman for a good two years in this movie's universe, that's not long enough for him to earn being killed off. It all feels very cheap and desperate, plus you know that they're just going to bring him back to life in Justice League Part One.

- Luthor loses his hair when it's shaved off in prison at the end of the film....soooooo, why does he decide to keep it shaved? It's just going to grow back in a little while. There is no reason for him to decide to keep it shaved. It makes NO SENSE. 

- Henry Cavil lacks the screen prescence or charisma to pull off the role of Superman. 'Nuff said.

- Doomsday doesn't look good

- Jimmy Olsen is executed early on in the film.

- Zack Snyder: GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU TALENTLESS HACK!!!! Whoo, that felt good. This film proves just how useless he is as a director. Batman Vs. Superman lacks direction (as can be evidenced by my many points above). He was unable to say no to the Studio's various demands. He acts here as more of a Yes Man than as an actual director, being nothing more than a lifeless puppet for the studio to do with as they please. He also lacked a vision for the film, it's the equivalent of a boy wanting to smash two toys together again and again and again, but he doesn't know how he wants them to clash and is told he has to create his own story for why they are clashing (his reasoning behind the clash? Batman is afraid of Supes and thinks he has too much power. He thinks Supes poses an immediate threat to planet Earth. Supes thinks Batman is out of control, but is more so interested in defaming him through The Daily Planet than by fighting him).

- The film opens with the death of Bruce Wayne's parents and his falling into a cave filled with bats. We've seen Batman's origins how many times on film now? Did you really think that audiences didn't know his backstory, Snyder? This was just a lack of self-control on Snyder's part in my opinion. He did this because he wanted to (Yet another reason he's a bad director, lack of self control). 

- So many nonsensical nightmares from Bruce Wayne. We know how he feels about Supes, we understand his fears. Did you really need to hammer us over the head with what are clearly nightmares from Batman, Snyder? It felt like Sucker Punch all over again, except the nightmares aren't even fun or imaginative (flying winged monster-soldiers? REALLY?!).

- Lois Lane exists as nothing else than to be an object to move the plot along.

- The film is completely nihilistic, cynical and dark.  It doesn't seem too fond of our heroes, painting Supes as a man who wants to do good but is deeply irresponsible and ineffective (Why are people worshipping this guy again? He causes so much damage in both Man of Steel and BvS, you'd think most would have denounced him by now) and Batman as a completely deranged madman who is hellbent on destroying Supes, even if it means resorting to murder and burglary in order to do so. Most of the movie is very dark and gloomy, and not much action takes place until the final 40 minutes or so. It's a VERY dark film that deals with adult themes (I would have liked this, if the film had been tighter, more focused, and just overall better). What I'm saying is it's not for kids or teens. 

- DC and WB have not earned their own DC Cinematic Universe. They want what Marvel has, but aren't willing to put in the time and effort necessary to create their own cinematic universe. It took Marvel eight years to build their universe, DC and WB try to do all that work in ONE SINGLE FILM. The result is about as good as you'd expect it to be, which is to say it's not....at all. They haven't earned this.

SUMMARY:

I had feared that BvS: DoJ would end up being another Spider-Man 3. A film that tried to do way too much and suffered for it. I was right, except that this film's heart is in completely the wrong place. It exists not to tell a story, but to act only as a stepping stone into a Justice League Movie and the start of the DC Cinematic Universe, which has not been earned at all. BvS:DoJ is a film that wants to have it's cake and eat it too. I say, don't let it.  This film is going to make a crap load of money, and it doesn't deserve a single cent of it. Also, Zach Snyder: Stop making movies you worthless hack.

1.5 STARS

HALLOWEEN IN MARCH: MY SUPER LATE REVIEW OF HHN 25

Hey there ghosties and ghoulies! Things were complicated regarding last year's Fright Fest (Computer was broken and I was busy in a new area). So, with that out of the way I bring you my review for HHN 25.

2015 was a big year for HHN as the event turned 25. To celebrate, the forces that be decided to dust off a fan favorite Icon; Jack The Clown; and have him return to host this year's event. I'm honestly just glad we finally have an icon again. HHN 25 was in great shape, and I managed to go so many times I honestly lost count. Among the other activities I got to do was Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit at night (one of my favorite times to ride the coaster), Mummy, Gringotts, and Diagon Ally and London at night (for the first time , absolutely gorgeous). With that out of the way, let's talk about Shows first.

The Carnage Returns: Jack's Back, and he's bringing the carnage with him in a stage show where audience members get to watch, cheer, and laugh as victims are slaughtered on stage. The whole show was an absolute blast to watch, and the new acrobatics impressed. The music they chose to play for the pre-show (which had timed blasts of flame shooting off to the music) was great as well. Jack was a fantastic ring leader, and it was cool to finally see what I had been missing out on. If Jack does make a return next year, give him another show.  9/10

Bill and Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure: Bill and Ted return with Doc Brown (in a cameo), to find that Kanye and Kim have stolen their phone booth and altered the future so that Kanye is a pop culture GOD who is disposing of famous pop culture icons left and right. Will our heroes come out most triumphant or will things end bogusly? This was one of the pair's middling shows to be honest. I felt that Kanye made the PERFECT villain, the opening sequence was great, and there were several really funny parts but there were still quite a few bits that missed the mark.
  I did get to see the Final show, and my thoughts follow- Crowds for show extended back to London. They played Final Countdown shortly before opening gates. Opening number had a lot more improv, including husband and wife gyrating on stage while saying Hard....Rock (Etc etc etc). When husband says BnT is a musical he added: "Like Rocky Horror". Doc Brown got a standing ovation and gave Bill and Ted a hug. Both Bill and ted ran around the front of the theater high giving the whole front row. Whole audience shouted Shia Labeouf's Just Do It speech and Bill commented that it looks like Shia had created a cult. One of the times BnT did their signature hand move the music didn't play, and they both looked around and frowned. Avatar Land man did sex tail joke to Bill instead of Ted. Extended gag about who else has ruined pop culture instead of BnT, they both pull out a list of paper and start spouting off famous duos including Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton. Scarlett Widow full on made out with Bruce Banner at end of Dance Fight. Ted made a jab at Scarlett Widow. calling her Charlotte's Web. Bill told Jon Snow of course he knows Jon Snow is dead, he's a time traveler and is on Season 12. Lady from jurassic World came out in crocks instead of high heels. Ted said he's not Keanu Reeves after Jem and The Hologram's insult, he's really John Wick. Whole audience shouted along with Kanye: "I got no strings, Bill and Ted! I got no strings!". Great joke about Black Widow stepping on Ant-Man. When cap protests Black Widow compares the size of his package to the size of Ant-Man. Princess Leia appeared in her slave outfit instead of her regular get-up. Show ended with a heartfelt thanks from ted to all the fans, calling us Wyld Stallions. Show closed with Power of Love as the exit music. Needless to say, the final show blew all the regular shows out of the water.
Final Show: 10/10
Regular Show: 6/10

ZONES

ICONS: HHN- In this zone The Caretaker, The Director, The Usher, and The Storyteller all get their own stages and mini-shows where they kill off one victim. It's an entertaining zone that leads up to the stage for The Carnage Returns. I saw every mini-show, and I've got to say my favorite was The Director's. 7/10

All Nite Die-In: Double Feature- This zone controlled the area in front of Disaster. It has an interesting concept for a zone: a double feature. One set is black-and-white classic monsters like Frankenstein's Monster, Frankenstein, Igor, The Wolfman, A Gypsy, The Invisible Man,  etc. The other set consists of colorized contemporary monsters like Chucky, Freddy, Jason, Bride of Chucky, Carrie, etc. It's not the most well-themed zone but getting to meet some of your favorite movie monsters is always a treat. 7/10

Roaming Clowns: A bunch of crazed chainsaw wielding clowns haunt the area by The Simpsons. Every time I traveled through, they managed to always freak me out. The scare actors were all very dedicated to their roles and were pretty relentless in their efforts to scare you. First roaming horde that I've ever found effective. 8/10

Roaming Prisoners: A gang of escaped inmates wielding chainsaws stalk the area around Transformers. This was more so your typical roaming horde. Not very scary.  4/10


Scary Tales: Scream Punk- This zone took over the area by Despicable Me and Shrek 4D. There wasn't much theming except for a giant prop that would emit copious amounts of fog.  The characters (Steampunk versions of fairy tale characters) were terrifically designed and managed to get a few scares.  6/10

Psychoscareapy: Unleashed- This zone took over the New York area. A Shadybrook Asylum bus has crashed, unleashing all the crazy inhabitants into the town which they quickly take control of,  murdering citizens, torturing visitors and just generally running completely amok. The zone was very well themed and the scare actors were all invested in their roles. It was fun to walk through this zone and just watch the scare actors do their thing. One of them (a girl) came up to me and, without breaking character, told me that she knew me from high school. It was a very cool moment for me.  8/10

Evil's Roots- This zone took over the Central Park area, and did the same thing most zones in this area do: Pump up the fog, add some pretty set decorations, and utilize creepy lighting. I LOVED this zone (although it really reminded me of Grown Evil at times). The characters consist of various different street characters from past years, and the zone itself is themed to an overgrown garden/forest. On the right nights, the fog would be so thick that you couldn't see a few feet in front of you, setting up some great scares and creating a fantastic sense of unease and tension as you never knew what or who lay ahead of you. 8/10



HOUSES

RUN: Blood Sweat and Fears- A sequel house to 2001's RUN. In this house, we are the unwilling participants of a game show where contestants are literally forced to run for their lives as crazed killers give chase. I loved the queue music (all 80's classics),the queue video, the theme, the story, and the facade for this house. However, once you step foot inside it all kind of falls apart. The theming inside is scattered and it's hard to follow exactly what is going on unless you travel through several times. I still say it's a fun house, but it's not scary. 6/10

The Walking Dead: The Living and The Dead- This is what, the 4th year we've had a Walking Dead house?! Enough is enough already! The house completely fails to breathe life into its tired concept. I will say the sets were very nice inside, and I definitely felt like I had entered the world of the show....but I just wasn't scared inside it. Oh well. 6/10

American Werewolf in London: A repeat of the same house from 2013, but with a less dedicated cast and lessened SFX and jump scares. I'm not alone in thinking that the original house was better.  Apparently on the last night I thought the house had come a long way and was very intense for a change. 5/10


Asylum in Wonderland- Alice has lost her mind and is now locked in an asylum. Travel through her warped world, and see things as she does, with the assist of some 3D glasses. I really liked this house. It's nowhere near as amazing as The In-Between from 2011, but it did manage to remind me of that house at times (definitely a positive). There were definitely some scenes that freaked me out, and I dug the simple but cool story of the house. 7/10

The Purge- This house started out pretty weak but just got stronger as the event rolled on. Originally slated to be a house themed to Scream (the tv show), Purge allows us to explore a night during The Purge. I had a lot of fun with this house, and walking through it always left me pretty happy (I'm a big Purge fan, what can I say?). This is the only house where I jumped into a wall twice. The first time was into a corner of a wall, banged my shoulder real good. I also got to assist with one of the kills: I got a plant in front of me (someone sent into the line who is part of the house but looks like a regular park goer). I pointed at her to the scare actor who was going to grab her. He looked at me and nodded, as if he wanted me to confirm. I nodded back at him, then he grabbed her. It was a great little play-acting moment. It is cleat in some rooms that the house was supposed to be Scream at first but was changed to Purge late in the game as the beginning is clearly the house from Scream (with character mannequins), and there are some rooms that are covered in strobes (most strobes I've seen in a house in a while). That said, the cast brings a high-energy intensity and insanity to the house that really helped things, and I'll say that ignoring the first few Scream rooms, I really did feel like I was traveling through The Purge.  8/10

Freddy Vs. Jason- In this house, we get to walk through our own, personal version of Freddy vs. Jason. We enter through Camp Crystal Lake and get to explore that setting for a few rooms before switching over to the Elm Street house via a fully realized facade we get to walk into  around half-way through the house (so very cool). We explore that setting for a few rooms before we get to jump between the lake at Camp Crystal Lake (even going underwater at one point) and the boiler room in Nightmare on Elm Street. In the end, the character who wins is different depending on when you travel through (I'll say I got Jason a lot more on my numerous run-throughs of the house than I did Freddy) . The Jasons in the house really are pretty tall and definitely sell the illusion that you are running into that character, the Freddys are only ok. FvJ is another one of my favorite houses in HHN history.  8.5/10

Body Collectors: Recollections- The house is a mixture of The Body Collectors and Shadybrook Asylum. During a fierce winter storm, the Body Collectors lay siege to Shadybrook Asylum, torturing the staff, the inmates and us. The house had a few very well executed scares (like the headless man), but the reason I kept returning was for the beautiful environment they had built inside. Shadybrook's hallways are beautiful, and we enter in through the entrance (a gorgeous facade) during a fierce blizzard (Lots of snow sprinkles, and a lowered temperature/cool breeze). This was easily my personal favorite house of the event. I'd rate it about on the same level as Winter's Night. 9/10

Insidious- Travel into The Further and contend with The Black Bride, Darth Maul demon, The Man Who Can't Breathe, and Mother Death as various scenes from all three Insidious films are recreated. This house is one of the scariest houses I can remember ever walking through. The scares come fast and constant, and the house itself feels long. I'm unashamed to say that this house got me good (every encounter with Darth Maul demon freaked me out, plus there was a scene where hands reached through walls to touch you. I also LOVED how filmed with fog both the outside and inside of the house was). Insidious definitely ranks in as one of the best houses in HHN history. 10/10

Jack Presents: 25 Years of Monsters and Mayhem- In this house, Jack takes us on a trip down memory lane as he recreates scenes from past houses like Winter's Night, Gothic, The Forsaken, The Hallow, Scary Tales, ScreamHouse, Legendary Truth:Wyandot Estate, Nightingales, and many more. For most newcomers, I'm sure the house must have felt disjointed or just didn't make sense, but for those who are loyal fans, Monster and Mayhem is just about a perfect house. It's not as scary as Insidious, but it is the most fun house of the night. It was always a joy to re-visit some of my favorite houses from the past. 10/10


HHN 26 was also host to quite a lot of sexual harassment from park visitors, who would grope and tease various scare actors. Many people got in trouble, and many scare actors just couldn't handle it anymore and quit. Let's hope they find some way to decrease the amount of these attacks in oncoming years. That nasty bit of business aside, was HHN 26 the best event in recent memory? Well, quite possibly. I still ascertain that HHN 21 was the best event in terms of house quality, But HHN 26 could easily be viewed as the best one overall in quite some time. I know I had an absolute blast, and eagerly await to see what demons and monsters they can scare up next year. Till next Haunting Season, this is you Ghost Host with the most most signing off.

Zone ranking

1. Evil's Roots (8/10)
2.  Roaming Clowns (8/10)
3.Psychoscareapy: Unleashed (8/10)
3. All Nite Die-In: Double Feature (7/10)
4. Icons: HHN (7/10)
5. Scary Tales: Screampunk (6/10)
6. Roaming Prisoners (4/10)


House Ranking

1. Jack Presents: 25 Years of Monsters and Mayhem (10/10)
2. Insidious (10/10)
3. Body Collectors: Recollections (9/10)
4. Freddy Vs. Jason (8.5/10)
5. The Purge (8/10)
6. Asylum in Wonderland (7/10)
7.  Run: Blood, Sweat and Fears (6/10)
8. Walking Dead: The Living and The Dead (6/10)
9. American Werewolf in London (5/10)

Overal Event Rating: 9/10