CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY THE SANTA CLAUSE IS A CHRISTMAS CLASSIC?

In The Santa Clause, lawyer Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) has gone through a rough divorce and still harbors some ill will towards his ex-wife Laura (Wendy Crewson) and her new husband Neil (Judge Reinhold, who plays a psychiatrist...a fact that the film constantly pokes fun at). For Christmas, Scott's son Charlie (Eric Lloyd, who is ok here) is spending the night with him. 

When Scott mistakes mistakes Santa for a robber, he inadvertently sends Santa tumbling off his roof, killing him (though from the looks of it, the fall really shouldn't have killed him. Maybe give him a concussion, some sprains, some broken bones....but likely not death). Scott reluctantly puts on Santa's suit to please Charlie, and soon enough finds himself thrust forcibly into the role of Santa Claus. He'll have to adapt, adjust, and learn to love his new persona unless he wants to disappoint all the kids on Earth. 

Oh boy, this one hurt. It's bad, really bad. The production team behind the film is terrible, with John Pasquin directing (he also directed Jungle 2 Jungle, Miss Congeniality 2, and the entire second season of Roseanne) and Steve Rudnick and Leo Benvenuti writing (both also wrote Space Jam). This is a film that is incredibly not funny (though it does try), and mostly lacks magic (I will say the very few North Pole segments are okay). Most of the proceedings are about divorce and child visitation rights. It just doesn't feel like a Christmas film, and Tim Allen makes for a weak Santa (He's just weak overall in this film). Judge Reinhold and Wendy Crewson as the parents of Charlie,  are completely unlikable dicks, though Wendy does come across a little sympathetic. 

The Santa Clause (which is so named because of a literal clause in the Santa contract, one of the few somewhat clever bits) feels like it's supposed to be this redemptive story for the Scott Calvin character, but he's quickly established to not be a terrible guy (he steadfastly defends his son's right to believe in the fat man). He works hard at his job, but it doesn't feel like he is ultra-dedicated to it. He also seems to care about his son, and wants to spend time with him (even if he is struggling to be a proper father). Sure, his demeanor can be a little gruff at times, but if anything, It's the ex-wife and Judge Reinhold who need redeeming most.  

Most of the visual effects are poor (though this was 1994, so the CGI here was never going to be all that impressive to begin with), and the Santa mythos is bland (The 'The Rose Suchak Ladder Company', the E.L.F.S., and other such attempts to be clever with some of the mythos is just grating and not cute). The two bright spots are David Krumholtz and Bernard and Paige Tamada as Judy. Both are head elves and are given little to do, but still manage to mostly shine. There are some kind of cute moments as well (like one of the children Santa visits remembering he mentioned he was lactose intolerant earlier on, and so later replaces the milk she puts out next Christmas with soy milk) . 

The Santa Clause has become a Christmas classic, although I will never understand why. It's pretty bland, stupid, unfunny, and almost boring. That said, there are enough fails throughout that I suppose I could recommend it purely as a WTF watch.

1.5 STARS

SMALLS LEARNS THE SECRET ORIGINS OF SANTA WITH SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE

 When "Uncle Klaus", a toy maker who delivers toys to children finds himself, his wife and his two reindeer (Donner and Blitzen) trapped in a blizzard, they all seemingly freeze to death. That's not the end of the story though, as they are all given new eternal life as legendary figures (in fact, the role of Santa almost feels like it's being forced upon Uncle Klaus). Centuries later, an evil business man challenges Santa's iconic role and Christmas itself.

David Huddleston (Aka The Big Lebowski from The Big Lebowski) fits the role of Santa nicely, as does Judy Cornwell as Mrs. Claus. Christian Fitzpatrick is actually pretty good a street kid Joe, whom Santa essentially adopts. The best part of the film is John Lithgow as B.Z., our antagonist. He's tons of fun as the cigar chomping villain. While not given much to do, you can tell he's having a ton of fun with the role. Burgess Meredith even gets a short cameo as the oldest elf with an impressively long beard. The less said about Dudley Moore as Patch the elf, the better (I will admit he does have one funny scene with Lithgow and one effective scene with Santa).

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the shameless and in-your-face adverts for Coke and McDonalds (the film essentially stops for a whopping 32 seconds to do a whole commercial or McDonald's). Clearly these corporations put a lot of money into this film, and wanted audiences to know it.

The first 39 minutes of the flick act as the origin story for Santa (complete with a prophecy about 'The Chosen One'....ugh), and the rest of the film afterwards is where the main plot kicks in. The film doesn't have a whole lot to appeal to older audiences, but it honestly doesn't seem all that interested in that demographic. This is a movie geared squarely towards the young. It's very silly, full of magic, and often feels like it's trying too hard.

It's unfortunate that it feels like it's often checking off a list, and I couldn't help but feel like I've seen films like this one many times before (An origin story for Santa, we get to visit and explore the North Pole, an evil businessman/villain tries to thwart Santa, a couple of cute kids visit the North Pole and save the day).

Despite some gripes, Santa Claus: The Movie is really not a bad film. The kids that it's trying to appeal to will likely enjoy the heck out of it, and it just might become one of their favorite Christmas films.

3 STARS

SMALLS TRAVELS TO THE NORTH POLE WITH THE CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES 2

In The Christmas Chronicles 2, The North Pole finds itself under attack when ex-elf Belsnickel steals the sliver of The Bethlehem Star that powers the place (the inclusion of the star is a cool, appreciated touch). Only Kate and newcomer Jack can help Santa and Mrs. Claus protect The North Pole and save Christmas.

Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn return as Santa and Mrs. Claus and both are perfection (and naturally Kurt Russell gets another musical number, this time duet-ing with Darlene Love) . They both put thier unique, cool spins on the classic characters and are both iconic in their own right. Darby Camp (as Kate Pierce, who starts the film as a brat, but naturally softens up once the North Pole rears it's head) and Judah Lewis (in what is essentially a cameo as Teddy Pierce) return as well, and both are pretty good.

Julian Dennison (from Hunt For The Wilderpeople and Deadpool 2) plays the role of naughty elf turned human brat Belsnickel and is enjoyable in the role. Jahzir Bruno also makes quite an impression as Jack, the potential step-brother to Kate and Teddy (his father is Bob, as played by Tyrese Gibson, the love interest for Kate and Teddy's mom). Jack starts the film a pretty annoying, but surprisingly ends up being integral to the defense of The North Pole.

Chris Columbus takes over directing duties (and co-writes with Matt Lieberman), and it shows as this sequel is significantly better than the first outing. The North Pole and Santa's village is well-designed and feels magical and wondrous enough for young ones to gawk over. This sequel also isn't afraid to explore the origins of Santa and adds some extra lore to the North Pole and the characters of Mr. and Mrs. Claus (for example: Did you know Dasher is a female?).

In the end, I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say that Christmas Chronicles 2 is a new classic, but families and young ones are guaranteed to eat it up. It's got a good deal of warmth, heart, magic, fun, and nice messages. Christmas Chronicles 2 makes for a perfectly fine, enjoyable, fun, and memorable distraction during what has been a rough year. Check it out!

3 STARS

FATMAN DELIVERS THE GOODS

In Fatman, a haggard and disillusioned Santa Claus (Mel Gibson) finds himself struggling to pay the bills. There are less nice kids and more naughty ones every year, and he finds his elves making less and less toys because of this. Thusly, he is essentially forced to work with the U.S. Military making equipment for them so he can generate the income he needs. Things only get worse when an evil 12 year old rich kid (Chance Hurtsfield) gets a rightly deserved lump of coal and, enraged, hires a trigger happy hitman (Walton Goggins) to take out Santa. 

Fatman takes place in a world where Santa Claus is widely known to be a real person, and he is a common figure in the small town that sits near the North Pole. The color scheme of the film is dull and grey, as are most of the sets (There is plenty of snow throughout though, the film definitely looks wintry). Santa's workshop isn't a magical place of wonder, but feels more stark and industrial. The film  is lacking in magic (though there are reindeer and elves), and this feels odd and off-putting, but fits the world this film is set in. Fatman's 2020 is a world that has indeed lost most of it's magic and innocence, and Santa himself is struggling to hold onto his optimism and hope for the world.  Mel Gibson perfectly captures this version of Santa, and makes us feel for him and his plight. You can still see a faint twinkle in his eye at times. 

Marianne Jean-Baptiste plays Mrs. Claus, and is great. She is the one who props Santa up throughout the film, and often gives him the pep talks he needs to get through the day. Walton Goggins is great fun as the hitman who is actually given a good backstory that explains his reasons for hating Santa as well as why he grew up to be such a nasty person (a nice added element is that he spends his spare time buying up the gifts Santa gave to others in what seems to be an attempt to make up for all the gifts he missed out on growing up). Despite being a total Grinch, Goggin's hitman does own a cute hamster that he loves and cares for. He also has the evil 12 year old as a contact under the name "Little Shit". This gives him just a tiny bit of humanity that makes him a bit more likable and sympathetic than he would otherwise be.

Chance Hurtsfield plays the evil Billy Wenan, and is very easy to hate. Despite winning the science project trophy at his school multiple years in a row, when he loses the most recent outing he doesn't hesitate to take extreme measures against the winner. He also isn't afraid to forge checks from his ailing grandmother (whom he lives with), and just acts like a general shit to all the maids working for his family. He almost comes across like a mini-Trump throughout, and you can't help but root for him to get his comeuppance (as to if he does though....).

Despite the plot promising us a bloody action thriller, most of Fatman is spent exploring Santa's life and following the hitman as he attempts to track down Santa. There's not a whole lot of forward momentum, and the action doesn't really kick in until the final 25-30 minutes (when it does kick in, it's satisfying and worth the wait. Mel Gibson, unsurprisingly, manages to make his Santa a bad-ass.). That said, I never once found myself bored or anxious during the runtime. The bleak and dour world created here is interesting enough and the characters that inhabit it are entertaining to spend time with. There is some silliness and humor throughout, but it's all approached with a straight-face, almost like the film isn't aware that it's silly or humorous. Surprisingly, this only made these parts work even better.

Fatman is written and directed by Eshom and Ian Nelms, and they do a pretty good job. They have made numerous other small/independent films, so this isn't their first outing. Fatman definitely has me interested to seek out their previous work as well as keeping an eye out for any future films from them.

In the end, Fatman is a film that has great acting, great and interesting characters, great world building, and a great plot....put simply, it's all great. My only real complaint is the way Santa finds his hope again is weak and not all that well explained. Despite that, Fatman is highly entertaining. It's a different kind of Christmas exploitation film, and it feels right at home in the year 2020. 

4 STARS