EPCOT 2.0

 The last time I had been to EPCOT was way back in 2015, when it was still construction wall city. A lot has changed since then, and I just recently had the chance to re-visit the park. What are my thoughts?

I will say the entrance is a ton better than the old one. They've added trees, greenery, and a little fountain with a sculpture directly in front of Spaceship Earth. Very nice, very aesthetically pleasing. There's also a new background loop which might be better than the old one that used to play in this area. World Showcase still has the same layout, but Future World has been re-vamped considerably. Gone is the Fountain of Nations (R.I.P.), replaced by a concrete area with a garden structure in the middle and some greenery and trees surrounding it. It doesn't feel as open as the area used to, and overall it's not very inviting. The trees and greenery surrounding the new structure light up and glow at night, but the garden structure itself does not (it's still broken). Innoventions has been ripped out, and in its place are a large open stage and a new building called Communicore Hall. Communicore Hall is essentially a large hallway where temporary exhibits can be housed. When I visited, it was hosting "Goofy-Core", which basically uses the space as an area for kids to go crazy and play in. In the middle is a round s\DJ stage where a cast member instructs kids on what to do, even though many seemed to disregard instructions and choose to just play-fight with each other instead. There was very little theming to Goofy-Core, the extent of which was some colorful banners that adorned the walls. Very disappointing as there's not much to do inside and the open air stage is outdoors in the sweltering heat with very little shade. Overall, Communicore Hall is a LARGE downgrade from Innoventions. The only other things worth mentioning is that in the UK area they added a bunch of freaking adorable tiny fairy homes situated around a Tinkerbell topiary. I don’t know if this is just for the Flower and Garden Festival, but I hope it’s a permanent addition. The model train garden in the Germany area is cute as heck too (as it always is).  What about the rides and restaurants in EPCOT, I hear you ask. Well, take a seat and get comfy. Let's discuss.

SPACESHIP EARTH - This will always and forever be one of my favorite attractions of all time. It's just so comfy, chill, and cool. That said, it needs a refurb. The narration by Judy Dench is by no means bad, but it is outdated with some very cringe-y jokes and the entire descent to the unload area needs a total re-do. The video you are forced to watch during this portion is very cheap and embarrassing. It resembles something you could create on JibJab back in the day and utilizes effects that were outdated even when it was first introduced. 

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: COSMIC REWIND - WHAT A THRILL!!! WHAT A RUSH!!! The planet Xandar from the first Guardians of the Galaxy film has set-up an informational exhibit in EPCOT that aims to inform visitors about how cool and great Xandar is, as well as the many similarities Earth and Xandar share, including that both were formed by The Big Bang. During a demonstration of some teleportation technology, the Celestial Eson crashes the proceedings. He steals the Cosmic Generator, which is used to create portals in space to transport vehicles from point a to point b in a flash. He aims to use this device to travel back to before The Big Bang to prevent the creation of Earth and mankind. It's up to us and the Guardians of the Galaxy to stop him, mainly by acting as a distraction until the Nova fleet (Xandar's military) can arrive and contain him. This was my first time on the attraction, and I wasn't expecting much. Boy was I wrong! This baby reaches speeds of 60 MPH and features randomized 80s pop music. I got 'Everybody Wants to Rule the World', and it RULED!!! The queue for the attraction is serviceable. There are total of 4 pre-shows (if you count the initial holding area you wait in for the first pre-show to reset). The first pre-show with Glen Close is great and effective, with some minimal (inadvertent?) motion-simulator elements.  The next two featuring Terry Crews...eh, not so much. The teleportation effect is very cool and impressive, but Terry Crews is simply atrocious and annoying. It feels like he was miscast. The coaster itself more than makes up for these flaws though. It's essentially a mixture of Rock 'n' Roller Coaster (The randomized music tracks) and Space Mountain (a family coaster in the dark with star fields projected on the walls and support beams). There are no falls or inversions. This is an incredible and very fun "omni-coaster", so called because the coaster cars rotate to face screens placed throughout the ride which display the Guardians of the Galaxy fighting Eson. The attraction doesn't exactly fit the original mission statement of EPCOT (You could easily argue it doesn't belong or fit in EPCOT at all) despite some minimal educational aspects in the queue. All that being said, I never thought I would say this, but Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind is easily the best coaster in all of Walt Disney World. Be aware there is no single rider option for this attraction, so be prepared to wait upwards of an hour to board (I feel like the long wait times are mostly due to the time spent in the multiple pre-shows).

SOARIN' ACROSS AMERICA - This was perfect. I haven't been on Soarin' Around the World, so all I have to compare this to is the original Soarin'. 'America' certainly isn't as great as 'California', but it would appear to be leagues better than 'World', judging just from videos I've seen of 'World'. This is a genuine throwback to the OG. I LOVE that they brought back the LEGEND Bruce Broughtner to score this temporary update. Jerry Goldsmith scored California and World, but Broughtner scored many classic EPCOT attractions such as 'Honey, I Shrunk the Audience', the Judy Dench version of Spaceship Earth, and Ellen's Energy Adventure. The score for 'America' is very reminiscent of that for 'California', but with some tweaks that help to differentiate it a bit. The first portion of the queue is home to multiple stylized travel posters that pay homage to the previous iterations of the attraction while also teasing some of the new locations we'll be visiting this go-round. The attraction itself is very relaxing, calming and pleasing, with plenty of scents that are utilized including grass, ocean spray, and Louisiana Bayou swamp. The first few scenes do feature some egregious CGI, but it doesn't take long for 'America' to settle into it's rhythm and utilize actual footage of real locations. Overall, this is a total win and should just totally replace 'World' altogether. 

LIVING WITH THE LAND - I used to only care about the first indoor potion, but I find that I equally enjoyed the outdoor greenhouse area this time as well. I'm shocked to say that, as of right now, this is likely the overall best attraction at EPCOT.

GRAN FIESTA TOUR - This is obviously not my first time riding this attraction. It's a good ride, and I'll always go on it, but I miss the calm tone and cool (and at times creepy) atmosphere of El Rio del Tiempo. Gran Fiesta Tour is very chaotic and fast-paced, which isn't bad. It's just not my preferred flavor of boat ride. Still worth a ride or several though.

SAN ANGEL INN - This is where we ate lunch/dinner. It's the restaurant located inside the Mexico pavilion and is situated by the first scene of Gran Fiesta Tour (which features a large Mayan pyramid and an erupting volcano). San Angel Inn is basically Walt Disney World's version of the Blue Bayou restaurant at Disneyland. It's always nighttime inside the Mexico pavilion, and this creates a fantastic, cool, and relaxing atmosphere for dining guests. The quality of the food was superb and the menu items weren't exorbitantly priced. 

THE AMERICAN ADVENTURE - Always and forever a timeless attraction, even it isn't always fully historically accurate. Some of the audio-animatronics need a bit of work as it looks like some figures' mouths no longer move . That being said, you can't help but be completely bowled over and wow'd with the scale of the show and the dedication and love that went into making it. It never fails to impress, It always gives me chills throughout, and I always tear up at the end. The best show in all of Walt Disney World PERIOD!

REMY'S RATATOUILLE ADVENTURE - Underwhelmed. It works well enough without the 3-D, but you can definitely feel that something is missing (I never got to ride the 3D version, but I could sense its removal). It needs more sets and props as the majority of the attraction is just screens with little theming. My favorite scene is the pantry, where some of the ride vehicles hide the way real rats would. This is a cute ride that has adorable ride vehicles with personality (I honestly think the ride vehicles are the best part of this attraction). I wouldn't wait longer than 30 minutes to ride this.

CANADA FAR AND WIDE - Not as good as the previous two versions, but still pleasing, beautiful, and occasionally moving. Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara (R.I.P.) make for decent and entertaining narrators/guides. This is one of the most underrated films/attractions at EPCOT and is always worth a watch. I LOVE Circlevision 360, and this is one of the few of this type of attraction we have left. 

JOURNEY INTO IMAGINATION WITH FIGMENT - Easily the weakest ride at EPCOT. Badly in need of a total overhaul. I don't know why I continue to go on this. It's cute enough and the theming is decent at times. I also dig the queue (Where else can you see the real Weebo from Flubber?) Not a fan of the chaos demon this attraction turns Figment into. He's very unlikable and annoying, and this Figment isn't true to the original Figment from the original Journey into Imagination. This attraction is harmless, but it's well past time it's replaced with something better.

TEST TRACK - None of the versions of Test Track have been perfect, but this one is the closest we've gotten. It could use some explanation concerning the male and female voices (maybe a brief pre-show/queue video). The male is human, the female is our car, but what is his role and what exactly are we doing? This isn't exactly a "test track" anymore, but more of a journey into the future of automobiles. The screens in the 'house of the future' portion are the weakest part. BRING BACK THE SPRAYING ROBOTS!!! They would fit the theme of that section, which concerns updating and working on your car at home. The first scene of the ride, where a city street fades into a trillion points of bright blue light, is incredible. I also LOVE LOVE LOVE the 'Fun to be Free' forest joy ride portion before the 65 MPH section. While the outdoor 65 MPH speed section is still thrilling and invigorating as hell, I'd actually say the 'Fun to be Free' portion is the best part of this attraction. I wouldn't say this third iteration of Test Track is perfect, but it's close. BRAVO!!!!

And now, with our tour of EPCOT 2.0 coming to its inevitable end, that means it's time to head back to our hotel. My family stayed at the Coronado Springs Resort and boy, was it gorgeous!!! The main tower, which is inspired by a Disney animated short with a neat history called 'Destino' and opened July 2019, is beautiful. We stayed in the older original area, though and it's equally as beautiful as the new tower, just more homey. Our room had multiple art themed to The Three Caballeros adorning the walls. The food court was very nice. The morning empanadas I ate were some of the best I've had in a while. Very delicious. Overall, I absolutely adored my time here and would more than happily choose to stay here again.

So. that's it for EPCOT 2.0. Overall, I'd say EPCOT 2,0 is a lateral move from the EPCOT of the 2000s. A little bit was gained, and a good deal was lost, but it still mostly feels like the same EPCOT. That being said, there is a good deal of attractions in the park that are badly in need of work or updating, which begs the question: Why is Carousel of Progress getting updated first when there are other offerings more in need of upgrades and renovations in EPCOT? Oh, that's right, because corporate demands their lifelike Walt audio-animatronic be placed in one of their parks. Regardless, I highly enjoyed my time at EPCOT 2.0 and look forward to visiting again, hopefully soon. 

GET LOST IN BACKROOMS

“If you're not careful and you noclip out of reality in the wrong areas, you'll end up in the Backrooms, where it's nothing but the stink of old moist carpet, the madness of mono-yellow, the endless background noise of fluorescent lights at maximum hum-buzz, and approximately six hundred million square miles of randomly segmented empty rooms to be trapped in. God save you if you hear something wandering around nearby, because it sure as hell has heard you.”

In Backrooms, failed architect turned unsuccessful furniture salesman Clark (Chiwetel Ejiofor) stumbles into an alternate world consisting of liminal spaces and misremembered objects and places. Fascinated, he spends the following weeks mapping out and exploring this alternate world.. When Mary (Renate Reinsve), Clark’s therapist, receives a concerning voicemail, she decides to search for him, inadvertently finding herself trapped in The Backrooms. Unfortunately for both Clark and Maria, there is much more to fear in The Backrooms than just getting lost.

Backrooms is directed by twenty-year-old Kane Parsons, adapted from his YouTube series, which itself is based on the Backrooms Creepypasta. His directing is superb and feels immediate, youthful, experimental, daring, and fresh. The screenplay was penned by forty-five-year-old Will Soodik, and is superb as well. It’s very rich, thoughtful, and Jungian. Our characters are fully fleshed out and three-dimensional as well.

Jeremy Cox handles cinematography, and Greg Ng is in charge of editing. Both do excellent jobs. The cinematography can be dizzying at times and always excels at disorienting the viewer. Backrooms is mostly shot traditionally, but there are refreshing portions that rely on found footage or shaky cam. These portions work better than most recent found-footage films.

Danny Vermette is production designer for Backrooms and does phenomenal work. Backrooms’ locations are incredibly uncanny, liminal, and unsettling, and the 90s aesthetics are accurate and nostalgia-inducing. This is definitely one place you would not want to be trapped in. The score is composed by Kane Parsons and Edo Van Breeman. It’s striking, strong, and very synth-y, adding tension and unease to the proceedings throughout.

Chiwetel Ejiofor and Renate Reinsve both turn in compelling and engaging performances. Ejiofor knows how to switch between nuance and extremity. His role requires a lot from him and he delivers. Reinsve, on the other hand, is more subdued and quiet throughout. That said, she portrays terror exceptionally well. 

Unfortunately, Backrooms doesn’t give Lukita Maxwell or Finn Bennett much opportunity to shine. Mark Duplass fares better as Phil, an Async employee tasked with exploring and documenting the Backrooms. Duplass is sprinkled in sporadically throughout the proceedings. He takes a nothing character and makes him interesting and memorable.

Backrooms doesn’t rely on jump scares to frighten its audience. It chooses to instead drop them into a world of tension and unease and forces them to stew in it. It is filled with heady concepts that it wants audiences to ponder.  Fans of psychology and Jung might find themselves pleasantly surprised with the proceedings. 

Backrooms has so much going for it, so where does it go wrong? Unfortunately, the film chooses to constrain itself to less than an hour and forty-five minutes of run time. This means character arcs are rushed, weeks to months are skipped over, and the interior workings and psyches of our leads could have been more fully explored. An extra twenty minutes or more would have given this almost-masterpiece and its characters more room to breathe. Another potentially polarizing element is this: The lore from the Backrooms Creepypasta remains intact, but Parsons makes a choice that might anger some die-hards regarding whether or not an entity lurks within. Luckily you don’t need to be familiar with said lore to enjoy this film.

While there could have been more to Backrooms, what we’re given is still very strong, and works mostly exceptionally well on its own. There is so much to Backrooms that this movie could easily spawn an entire franchise, with new characters populating each additional entry. This first entry works as a sturdy, strong foundation for future films. Only a fraction of The Backrooms is explored here, and you can only imagine what more there is to see in this terrifying alternate world. 

Backrooms is a very strong outing for first-time director Kane Parsons. It’s the kind of film only a twenty-year-old could make, and I mean that in the best way possible. It’s heady horror that wants audiences to engage with its many ideas. It plays like an episode of the Twilight Zone mixed with House of Leaves. What’s here is very satisfying, but I want more and eagerly look forward to future installments.

4.5 STARS

CAROUSEL OF PROGRESS CHANGING: WILL THERE STILL BE A GREAT, BIG, BEAUTIFUL TOMORROW?

"There's a great, big, beautiful tomorrow,

Shining at the end of every day.

There's a great, big, beautiful tomorrow,

And tomorrow's just a dream away.

Man has a dream and that's the start.

He follows his dream with mind and heart.

And when it becomes a reality,

It's a dream come true for you and me.

So there's a great, big, beautiful tomorrow,

Shining at the end of every day.

There's a great, big, beautiful tomorrow,

Just a dream away."

Walt Disney's Carousel of Progress premiered at the 1964 World's Fair and returned for the 1965 World's Fair. Created by Imagineers Bob Gurr, Roger E. Broggie, and others, the show aimed to take guests on a journey from the 1900s all the way to an imagined future, showing progress and innovation throughout the turn of the century, and how things deemed impossible at the time would eventually become excitingly real. The show depicted an optimistic and humorous vision of the past and future. It reminded guests that there is always a great, big, beautiful tomorrow waiting for all of us, and that the wheels of progress are ever in motion. 

The Carousel of Progress opened on July 2, 1967, with minimal changes from its initial version. It would close on September 9, 1973, and move to the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World where it would open to guests January 15, 1975. This time extensive changes were made to the production. This iteration would move counterclockwise opposed to the clockwise rotation of the previous two versions. The original versions featured stunning kaleidoscopic screens in the load and unload theaters. These screens would stretch from one wall to the other and featured a giant GE logo in the center. For the Magic Kingdom show, these screens were replaced with silver curtains and a GE logo in the middle.  Colored lights would shine onto the logo. 

A new song was written for the Florida show, at the behest of sponsor GE. This song was called "The Best Time of Your Life." The song would be retired in 1994, and replaced by the original song for the attraction, "There's A Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow" (Both songs were created by The Sherman Brothers). New audio-animatronics (including those for Father and his family) would be created for the Walt Disney World Carousel of Progress, and a new voice cast was hired to voice them. The original voice of Father, Rex Allen, would be replaced by Andrew Duggan. The breed of Rover would be changed too. The sets for each time period would under-go design changes as well, and the finale would be updated to "New Year's Eve in the Home of the 1970s". In 1981, the finale would be changed once again to "New Year's Eve in the home of the 1980s".

GE would choose not to renew their sponsorship of the attraction on March 10, 1985. The Carousel of Progress would close shortly after to remove all references to GE, and the GE logo in the load/unload theaters would be covered up by a round blueprint logo for the show. Despite Disney's best efforts, The GE logo could still be seen on a select handful of appliances in the attraction. On August 16, 1993, The Carousel of Progress was closed yet again for an extensive refurb to bring the attraction closer to the theme of "The Future That Never Was". The theaters were re-designed to feature cogs and gears, which were prevalent throughout Tomorrowland at the time, and a Cog/Gear version of the show's logo would replace the blueprint logos in the load/unload theaters. The finale was changed to "Christmas in the House of 2000". Jean Shepherd would replace Andrew Duggan as the voice of Father, and Rex Allen would return to voice Grandfather in the finale. This version would debut on November 23, 1994. 

Speaking of progress, Walt Disney World announced on May 28, 2026, that The Carousel of Progress would be closing July 5, 2026. The show is set to receive a complete update for 2027. An Audio-Animatronic of Walt Disney is to be added in a scene inspired by 1964's "Disneyland Goes to the World's Fair", where Walt first pitched the idea of the carousel. Every show scene would change eras/decades, as well. The first scene/act would now be set in the summer of 1969 and feature our carousel family gathering around the tv to watch the moon landing. The second scene/act is Halloween Night 1985. During this portion, Sarah (aka Mother) will take over to show off the different gadgets and appliances in the home. The third scene/act will take place New Year's Eve 1999 and will focus on the advent of the internet. The 4th scene/act/finale will zero in on our carousel family in the far future and will feature a helpful robot (Really hope this part isn't pro-AI). Supposedly this final act will draw inspiration from sketches drawn by Imagineer John Hench. 

I grew up with the 1994 version of The Carousel of Progress, and it quickly became one of my most beloved attractions at any of the parks. Growing up in a troubled family, the show's catchphrase "There's a great, big, beautiful tomorrow, shining at the end of every day" helped to inspire me and get me through rough days. I grew to love our carousel family, and the show became a comfortable, nostalgic blanket for myself. The Carousel of Progress wasn't a particularly popular offering, but it remained beloved and cherished by all. Much like Splash Mountain, it's a Disney staple and a classic attraction that has weathered and stood the test of time. The finale has badly been in need of an update for quite some time now, but there was nothing wrong with the rest of the show. There are rumors swirling that the reason for the total overhaul is because of the controversial and less savory aspects of the early 1900s, and this renovation/re-tool is being done so that audiences will only remember what Disney wants them to, effectively sweeping the displeasing dust of the past under the proverbial rug. 

I want to be optimistic about this update, but even with the recent successes of Animation Courtyard and the Muppets' re-theme of Rock 'n' Roller Coaster, I can't help but be skeptical of the current leadership at Walt Disney World and the Disney Company at large. After all, these are the idiots who killed Splash Mountain because "Racism" and tore out Tom Sawyer's Island, The Liberty Belle, and The Rivers of America because "Them kids just LOVE the Cars films, let's plop a new Cars land down in an area where it doesn't fit". So, for the time being there will be no "great, big, beautiful tomorrow, shining at the end of every day" and only time will tell if tomorrow will still be great, big, and beautiful when the show re-opens next year. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for now, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried. 

 Below is the full announcement:

A Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow: The Ever-Changing Carousel of Progress - Disney Parks Blog

HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS FAVORITES

 Since it's *checks calendar* May, and I'm already in the Halloween spirit (Yeah, I know. Sue me.) I figured why not post some lists of my favorite Halloween Horror Nights years, houses, and scarezones. These lists are not ranked or numbered. *** = The best of the best! Let's start with zones!

SCAREZONES

***Streets of Blood (HHN 18)

***The Skoolhouse (HHN 18)

***Fractured Tales (HHN 18)

***Asylum in Wonderland (HHN 18)

***Horrorwood Die-In (HHN 19)

***Containment (HHN 19)

***Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (HHN 19)

The Coven (HHN 20)

***Saws N Steam (HHN 20)

Acid Assault (HHN 21)

Grown Evil (HHN 21)

Canyon of Dark Souls (HHN 21)

***Nightmaze (HHN 21)

*** The Purge: Anarchy (HHN 24)

***Icons: HHN (HHN 25)

Invasion! (HHN 27)

***Rob Zombie's Hillbilly Deluxe (HHN 29)

Vikings: Undead (HHN 29)

Gorewood Forest (HHN 30)

***Jungle of Doom: Expedition Horror (HHN 32)

Shipyard 32: Horrors Unhinged (HHN 32)

HOUSES

***The Hallow (HHN 18)

Creatures (HHN 18)

***Body Collectors: Collections of the Past (HHN 18)

Dead Exposure (HHN 18)

***Silver Screams (HHN 19)

***Leave it to Cleaver (HHN 19)

Frankenstein: Creation of the Damned (HHN 19)

Dracula: Legacy in Blood (HHN 19)

Hades: The Gates of Ruin (HHN 20)

Psychoscareapy: Echoes of Shadybrook (HHN 20)

***Zombigeddon (HHN 20)

Catacombs: Black Death Rising (HHN 20)

Legendary Truth: The Wyandot Estate (HHN 20)

***Havoc: Dogs of War (HHN 20)

Horror Nights: The Hallowed Past (HHN 20)

The Thing (HHN 21)

***The Forsaken (HHN 21)

***The In-Between (HHN 21)

***Winter's Night: The Haunting of Hawthorne Cemetery (HHN 21)

***Nightingales: Blood Prey (HHN 21)

Nevermore: The Madness of Poe (HHN 21)

***Saws N Steam: Into the Machine (HHN 21)

H.R. Bloodengutz Presents: Holidays of Horror (HHN 21)

***Dead End (HHN 22)

Gothic (HHN 22)

***An American Werewolf in London (HHN 23)

AVP (HHN 24)

Roanoke: Cannibal Colony (HHN 24)

***Halloween (HHN 24)

***Insidious (HHN 25)

***Freddy vs. Jason (HHN 25)

***Jack Presents: 25 Years of Monsters and Mayhem (HHN 25)

***Body Collectors: Recollections (HHN 25)

AHS: Vol 2 (HHN 27)

***Scarecrow: The Reaping (HHN 27)

The Shining (HHN 27)

Dead Waters (HHN 27)

The Fallen (HHN 27)

Hive (HHN 27)

***Graveyard Games (HHN 29)

***Universal Monsters (HHN 29)

House of 1000 Corpses (HHN 29)

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (HHN 29)

Welcome to SCarey: Horror in the Heartland (HHN 30)

***HHN Icons: Captured (HHN 30)

***Case Files: Legendary Truth (HHN 30)

***Texas Chainsaw Massacre (HHN 30)

***Wicked Growth: Realm of the Pumpkin (HHN 30)

***Puppet Theater: Captive Audience (HHN 30)

Revenge of the Tooth Fairy (HHN 30)

***Dr. Oddfellow's Twisted Origins (HHN 32)

***Dueling Dragons: Choose Thy Fate (HHN 32)

***Blood Moon: Dark Offerings (HHN 32)

***The Darkest Deal (HHN 32)

Now, let's see which House location has had the best lineup of houses over the years!

DISASTER QUEUE

***Leave it to Cleaver (HHN 19)

***Zombiegeddon (HHN 20)

H.R. Bloodengutz Presents: Holidays of Horror (HHN 21)

JAWS QUEUE

*** Saws N Steam: Into the Machine (HHN 21)

MIB TENT

House of 1000 Corpses (HHN 29)

Welcome to SCarey: Horror in the Heartland (HHN 30)

PARADE WAREHOUSE

***Silver Screams (HHN 19)

Horror Nights: The Hallowed Past (HHN 20)

***The Forsaken (HHN 21)

Roanoke: Cannibal Colony (HHN 24)

***Graveyard Games (HHN 29)

SECOND PARADE WAREHOUSE

***Universal Monsters (HHN 29)

SOUNDSTAGE 20

***Body Collectors: Collections of the Past (HHN 18)

***Dead End (HHN 22)

Gothic (HHN 22)

SOUNDSTAGE 21 

***Jack Presents: 25 Years of Monsters and Mayhem (HHN 25)

AHS: Vol 2 (HHN 27)

SOUNDSTAGE 22

Creatures! (HHN 18)

Legendary Truth: The Wyandot Estate (HHN 20)

***Winter's Night: The Haunting of Hawthorne Cemetery (HHN 21)

***An American Werewolf in London (HHN 23)

The Shining (HHN 27)

SOUNDSTAGE 23

Frankenstein: Creation of the Damned (HHN 19)

Dracula: Legacy in Blood (HHN 19)

Hades: The Gates of Ruin (HHN 20)

Psychoscareapy: Echoes of Shadybrook (HHN 20)

The Thing (HHN 21)

***Nightingales: Blood Prey (HHN 21)

***The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (HHN 30)

***Blood Moon: Dark Offerings (HHN 32)

SOUNDSTAGE 24

AvP (HHN 24)

***Freddy vs Jason (HHN 25)

***Body Collectors: Recollections (HHN 25)

The Fallen (HHN 27)

Dead Waters (HHN 27)

Revenge of the Tooth Fairy (HHN 30)

***HHN Icons: Captured (HHN 30)

***Dueling Dragons: Choose Thy Fate (HHN 32)

SHREK 4D THEATER

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (HHN 29)

***Case Files Unearthed: Legendary Truth (HHN 30)

SPRUNG TENT 1

***The Hallow (HHN 18)

***The In-Between (HHN 21)

Catacombs: Black Death Rising (HHN 20)

***Scarecrow: The Reaping (HHN 27)

***Puppet Theater: Captive Audience (HHN 30)

***The Darkest Deal (HHN 32)

SPRUNG TENT 2

***Dead Exposure (HHN 18)

***Havoc: Dogs of War (HHN 20)

Nevermore: The Madness of Poe (HHN 21)

***Halloween (HHN 24)

***Insidious (HHN 25)

Hive (HHN 27)

*** Wicked Growth: Realm of the Pumpkin (HHN 30)

***Dr. Oddfellow's Twisted Origins (HHN 32)

So, going by the above list, the locations that tend to have the best houses are Sprung Tent 1 (5 Best of, 6 memorable houses total), Sprung Tent 2 (5 Best of, 8 memorable houses total), Soundstage 23 (3 Best of, 8 memorable houses total), Soundstage 24 (4 Best of, 8 memorable houses total), and Parade Warehouse (3 Best of, 5 memorable houses total)

Now, onto Scarezone locations!

NEW YORK CITY STREETS

***Streets of Blood (HHN 18)

***Saws N Steam (HHN 20)

Acid Assault (HHN 21)

The Purge: Anarchy (HHN 24)

CENTRAL PARK

Grown Evil (HHN 21)

***Trick r' Treat (HHN 27)

Vikings: Undead (HHN 29)

Gorewood Forest (HHN 30)

***Jungle of Doom: Expedition Horror (HHN 32)

HOLLYWOOD

***Asylum in Wonderland (HHN 18)

***Icons: HHN (HHN 25)

SAN FRANCISCO

***Horrorwood Die-In (HHN 19)

Invasion! (HHN 27)

***Rob Zombie's Hillbilly Deluxe (HHN 29)

Shipyard 32: Horrors Unhinged (HHN 32)

TRANSFORMERS ALLEY

The Coven (HHN 20)

Nightmaze (HHN 21)

MEL'S DRIVE-IN AREA

*** The Skoolhouse (HHN 18)

KIDZONE

***Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (HHN 19)

INTERNATIONAL FOOD BAZAAR

Canyon of Dark Souls (HHN 21)

PRODUCTION CENTRAL

***Containment (HHN 19)

For Scarezones, it looks like the locations with the strongest Scarezones are Central Park (2 Best of, 5 memorable zones total), San Francisco (2 Best of, 4 memorable zones total), New York City Streets (2 Best of, 4 memorable zones total), and Hollywood (2 Best of, 2 memorable zones total)

Last but not least, let's go through each year, listing the houses and scarezones that have been named above, in order to see which years have been the strongest overall!!

HHN 18

***Streets of Blood (ZONE)

***The Skoolhouse (ZONE)

Fractured Tales (ZONE)

Asylum in Wonderland (ZONE)

***The Hallow (HOUSE)

Creatures (HOUSE)

***Body Collectors: Collections of the Past (HOUSE)

Dead Exposure (HOUSE)

HHN 19

***Horrorwood Die-In (ZONE)

***Containment (ZONE)

Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (ZONE)

***Silver Screams (HOUSE)

***Leave it to Cleaver (HOUSE)

Frankenstein: Creation of the Damned (HOUSE)

Dracula: Legacy in Blood (HOUSE)

HHN 20

The Coven (ZONE)

***Saws N Steam (ZONE)

Hades: The Gates of Ruin (HOUSE)

Psychoscareapy: Echoes of Shadybrook (HOUSE)

***Zombigeddon (HOUSE)

Catacombs: Black Death Rising (HOUSE)

Legendary Truth: The Wyandot Estate (HOUSE)

***Havoc: Dogs of War (HOUSE)

Horror Nights: The Hallowed Past (HOUSE)

HHN 21

Acid Assault (ZONE)

Grown Evil (ZONE)

Canyon of Dark Souls (ZONE)

***Nightmaze (ZONE)

The Thing (HOUSE)

***The Forsaken (HOUSE)

***The In-Between (HOUSE)

***Winter's Night: The Haunting of Hawthorne Cemetery (HOUSE)

***Nightingales: Blood Prey (HOUSE)

Nevermore: The Madness of Poe (HOUSE)

***Saws N Steam: Into the Machine (HOUSE)

H.R. Bloodengutz Presents: Holidays of Horror (HOUSE)

HHN 22

***Dead End (HOUSE)

Gothic (HOUSE)

HHN 23

***An American Werewolf in London (HOUSE)

HHN 24

*** The Purge: Anarchy (ZONE)

AVP (HOUSE)

Roanoke: Cannibal Colony (HOUSE)

***Halloween (HOUSE)

HHN 25

***Icons: HHN (ZONE)

***Insidious (HOUSE)

***Freddy vs. Jason (HOUSE)

***Jack Presents: 25 Years of Monsters and Mayhem (HOUSE)

***Body Collectors: Recollections (HOUSE)

HHN 27

Invasion! (ZONE)

AHS: Vol 2 (HHN 27)

***Scarecrow: The Reaping (HOUSE)

The Shining (HOUSE)

Dead Waters (HOUSE)

The Fallen (HOUSE)

Hive (HOUSE)

HHN 29

***Rob Zombie's Hillbilly Deluxe (ZONE)

Vikings: Undead (ZONE)

***Graveyard Games (HOUSE)

***Universal Monsters (HOUSE)

House of 1000 Corpses (HOUSE)

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (HOUSE)

HHN 30

Gorewood Forest (ZONE)

Welcome to SCarey: Horror in the Heartland (HOUSE)

***HHN Icons: Captured (HOUSE)

***Case Files: Legendary Truth (HOUSE)

***Texas Chainsaw Massacre (HOUSE)

***Wicked Growth: Realm of the Pumpkin (HOUSE)

***Puppet Theater: Captive Audience (HOUSE)

Revenge of the Tooth Fairy (HOUSE)

HHN 32

***Jungle of Doom: Expedition Horror (ZONE)

Shipyard 32: Horrors Unhinged (ZONE)

***Dr. Oddfellow's Twisted Origins (HOUSE)

***Dueling Dragons: Choose Thy Fate (HOUSE)

***Blood Moon: Dark Offerings (HOUSE)

***The Darkest Deal (HOUSE)

HHN 33

ZIP!!! ZILCH!!! NOTHING!!!! NO FAVORITE HOUSES OR SCAREZONES!!!

Checking my list, the best years for ZONES were HHN 18 (4 Best of ,4 Memorable Zones Total) and HHN 19 (3 Best of, 3 Memorable Zones Total). 

The best years for HOUSES were HHN 19 (2 Best of, 4 Memorable Houses Total), HHN 20 (2 Best of, 7 Memorable Houses Total), HHN 21 (5 Best of, 8 Memorable Houses Total. That means every house this year made it onto the list!),  HHN 25 (4 Best of, 4 Memorable Houses total), HHN 27 (1 Best of, 5 Memorable Houses Total), HHN 29 (2 Best of, 4 Memorable Houses Total), HHN 30 (5 Best of, 7 Memorable Houses Total), and HHN 32 (4 Best of, 4 Memorable Houses Total). 

The absolute best year for zones was HHN 18.

The absolute best years for houses were HHN 21, HHN 25, HHN 30, and HHN 32.

The strongest houses were Body Collectors: Collections of the Past (HHN 18), Silver Screams (HHN 19), Leave it to Cleaver (HHN 19), Zombigeddon (HHN 20), Havoc: Dogs of War (HHN 20), The Forsaken (HHN 21), The In-Between (HHN 21), Winter's Night: The Haunting of Hawthorne Cemetery (HHN 21), Dead End (HHN 22), An American Werewolf in London (HHN 23), Halloween (HHN 24), Freddy vs. Jason (HHN 25), Insidious (HHN 25), Jack Presents: 25 Years of Monsters and Mayhem (HHN 25), Body Collectors: Recollections (HHN 25), Scarecrow: The Reaping (HHN 27), Graveyard Games (HHN 29), Universal Monsters (HHN 29), HHN ICONS: Captured (HHN 30), Texas Chainsaw Massacre (HHN 30), Wicked Growth: Realm of the Pumpkin (HHN 30), Puppet Theater: Captive Audience (HHN 30), Dr. Oddfellow's Twisted Origins (HHN 32), Blood Moon: Dark Offerings (HHN 30), and The Darkest Deal (HHN 30).

The strongest zones were Streets of Blood (HHN 18), The Skoolhouse (HHN 18), Horrorwood Die-In (HHN 19), Saws N Steam (HHN 20), The Purge: Anarchy (HHN 24), ICONS: HHN (HHN 25), Rob Zombie's Hillbilly Deluxe (HHN 29), and Jungle of Doom: Expedition Horror (HHN 32).

BECOME OBSESSED WITH OBSESSION.

 In Obsession, Bear (Michael Johnston) has a crush on one of his close friends, Nikki (Inde Navarratte). While at an occult store, he picks up a One Wish Willlow, a novelty toy from the 80s that supposedly grants the user one wish. Later, without thinking, Bear uses the Willlow to make a wish: For Nikki to love him more than anyone in the entire world. So the Monkey’s Paw curls. Bear gets exactly what he wished for, but in horrifying ways he never could have predicted. Be careful what you wish for.

Obsession is the first feature length film from YouTube wunderkind Curry Barker, who was just recently handed the reigns to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. After seeing this, it’s easy to see why. He’s clearly the right guy for the job. Barker directed, edited, and penned the screenplay for Obsession. He excels at each role, bringing his own intoxicating blend of horror and dark humor to the proceedings. Obsession is never slow or boring, moving at a good pace throughout (I honestly could have watched another full hour of this film). 

Rock Burwell crafts the score and hits a home run. It sounds like a decaying music box a good deal of the time, and definitely adds to the fear and tension throughout. Taylor Clemens handles the cinematography and does a great job as well. He knows how to work with dark spaces on the periphery, how to utilize characters in the background of scenes, and enjoys playing with shadows. Clemens’ work adds to the terror lurking within this flick.

Michael Johnston plays Bear and nails the role. Bear is an awkward, insecure, sensitive, and somewhat selfish young man who works at a music store with his friends. When he makes the wish, he does so without any seriousness, unaware just how real a One Wish Willow’s effects are. When things get real and Bear sees how the Willow is affecting Nikki, Bear is left with a choice: Find a way to undo his wish or continue to live in his dream-turned-nightmare.

You’d think the choice would be an easy one, but not so for Bear. So what if Nikki has been turned into an unhinged, unstable psychopath… he’s still finally got her “love”. Yeah, Bear is kind of a weak person when all is said and done (for example: You see him sobbing uncontrollably early on at the thought of Nikki not loving him). Johnston takes a character that could easily become unlikable and finds ways to keep him relatable, empathetic, and human throughout. He’s also an ace when it comes to portraying genuine terror. Most people are going to fawn over Inde Navarrette’s performance, but Michael Johnston deserves much praise too. 

Inde Navarrette is a genuine, rare find as Nikki. Curry Barker is so lucky to have found her, and hopefully her performance here will open many more doors for the young actress. She’s got real talent, and easily commands the screen whenever she is on. Navarrette excels at playing “Normal Nikki” and “Freaky Nikki”. We only get to see Normal Nikki for the first twenty to twenty-five minutes of the movie. Once Bear breaks the One Wish Willow, Normal Nikki only appears sporadically and for just literal seconds at a time.

That said, Normal Nikki is an endearing and sweet character. Despite spending little time with her, you like her. Navarrette’s performance as “Freaky Nikki”, however, is what’s going to garner acclaim and maybe even win awards. She goes for broke and swings for the fences. It’s a bold strategy as it could easily come across as mugging for the camera (think Jim Carrey), but in Inde’s hands this is never the case. 

“Freaky Nikki” is easily the scariest character we’ve gotten in a horror film in some time. She’s legitimately terrifying and unsettling. Barker uses some editing tricks to even make the way Nikki moves scary. Navarrette is phenomenal when it comes to her facial acting, and much of the fear comes from the ways she uses her face. She’s also excellent at rapidly switching between intensity levels. The girl can go from zero to a hundred at the drop of a dime, and this gives the audience the effect of walking on eggshells. You’re never ever fully comfortable or at ease when Inde is on screen (and even at times when she’s off-screen).

As for the supporting cast, Cooper Tomlinson (from Barker’s YouTube short film, Milk and Serial) is likable as Ian, the “frat bro” best friend to Bear. He shows genuine concern when Nikki goes freaky, and brings up some valid points to Bear. Megan Lawless plays Sarah, a friend of Bear’s who has a crush on him. She doesn’t get as much of a chance to shine as others, but is still likable and does well in her role. 

Obsession is an honest-to-God diamond-in-the-rough. It’s terrifying but heartfelt. It almost feels like a super dark version of that episode of The Fairly Oddparents where Timmy wishes for Trixie to be his girlfriend. You will scream, and you will laugh. It’s rare when you find yourself laughing not out of humor, but out of unease and horror. With Obssession, Curry Barker has crafted one hell of a calling card. It’s genuinely one of the best and scariest horror films of this decade. Obsession is a masterpiece. I'm obsessed.

5 STARS

RETRO REVIEW: THE ELEPHANT MAN

 “YOU’RE THE MONSTER! YOU’RE THE FREAK!!!”

“You’re not an elephant man. You’re Romeo.”

“I AM NOT AN ELEPHANT!!!! I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!! I AM A HUMAN BEING!!!”

Based on a true story: 21 year old John Merrick has lived a life of cruelty and hardship as a traveling sideshow freak due to an unfortunate and incurable deformity. Dr. Frederick Treves, a surgeon, stumbles upon him and chooses to befriend the poor soul. Treves rescues him, giving Merrick a home at his hospital and showing him the first bits of human kindness and empathy John has ever known. This institutes an inner transformation for Merrick, who begins to see himself as a man for the first time ever. However, as more of high society line up to meet him, uncomfortable questions arise: Has John traded one circus for another?  Is Treves just a kinder version of John’s initial, abusive owner?

A beautiful, magnificent, deeply moving and deeply affecting film of pure empathy. John Hurt and Anthony Hopkins deliver stellar, heartfelt, and human performances as our leads. Freddie Jones as Bytes and Michael Elphick as Jim Rashad are monstrous and easy to hate as our antagonists. Anne Bancroft as Madge Kendal, a notorious stage actress, and Hannah Gordon as Ann Treves, wife of Frederick are kind, soft, and tender as women that grow to care about John.

The screenplay by Christopher De Vore, Eric Bergen, and David Lynch fill the proceedings with a great deal of humanity, tragedy, and warmth. The Elephant Man might be the most straight-forward film David Lynch has made. For my money, it’s also his best. Lynch gets it. Bring plenty of tissues.

5 STARS

PSYCHO KILLER SLASHES IT'S WAY TO FAILURE

 In Psycho Killer, Kansas Highway Patrol agent Jane Archer (Georgina Campbell) hunts down a satanic serial killer (James Preston Rogers) after she witnesses him murder her husband, a fellow Highway Patrol agent. Desperate to prevent more senseless deaths, Jane tracks the killer and in the process realizes that he has much bigger plans than random acts of violence. As each murder brings him closer to his ultimate goal, Jane finds herself continually one step behind the talented psycho. Will Jane be able to stop him before he can enact his grand finale?

So much wasted potential. The threadbare screenplay feels more like an outline and desperately needed a few more passes or re-writes to beef up the characters and lore. Seven scribe Andrew Kevin Walker penned the screenplay. He also penned Sleepy Hollow, 8MM, and The Killer and co-wrote Windfall and The Wolfman. The first draft of the screenplay was finished in 2007 and his second draft was completed in 2008.

It’s admittedly a different take to make a “detective procedural” from the pov of the killer. Unfirtunately, our psycho killer (dubbed the Satanic Slasher, played by James Preston Rogers) is a deeply silly character. He wears silly sunglasses, has a silly little mask, and speaks with a silly ultra-deep voice that sounds like he’s speaking through a voice changer. I’d bet all of his lines are dubbed. He gets no motivation, and the explanation of who he is is barely explained.

We never get a good look into the Satanic Slasher’s  psyche or what makes him tick besides the movie explicitly stating that he is an insane Satanist. There are tiny breadcrumbs in the film that hint at who the Satanic Slasher is and how he got here, but the audience has to put the pieces together for themselves after the film has ended. The quick news report in the 13th hour that briefly exposes his identity plays like serious whiplash. Georgina Campbell is great and compelling, despite being given essentially nothing to work with. The cinematography by Magnus Nordenhof Jønck is pretty, even if the locations and sets are bare bones.

This is director Gavin Polone’s first feature film (He was attached to direct since 2010), and it shows. His work as director here feels absolutely absent. He’s got no presence. Psycho Killer wants to be taken seriously. It wants to be dark and cool, but is woefully unaware of just how silly it really is. If the screenplay had been worked on a significant amount more, this could have been interesting. There was definite potential here. Unfortunately, as is, Psycho Killer is an under-developed nothing-burger.

2 STARS