THE FURIOUS IS HERE TO KICK ASS AND CHEW GUM...AND IT'S ALL OUT OF GUM

 Oh yeah, this hit the spot. It gives you the The Raid: Redemption fix you didn’t know you needed. The story is simple: a father (Miao Xie) looking for his abducted daughter and a detective (Joe Taslim, of The Raid: Redemption fame) searching for his missing wife team up to track down the men responsible and bring them to justice. It doesn’t take long before they realize they’ve started a war with a child trafficking ring.

The direction by Kenji Tanigaki, the cinematography by Meteor Chung, and the editing by Chris Tonick are all perfection. The fight choreography by Kensuke Sonomura is fast, furious, and beautiful. It’s like watching a perfectly timed dance. The entire film is pretty much non-stop, high-octane action. The final fight in particular had a big, goofy grin plastered on my face for the duration of it.

The actors all do convincing jobs. It’s good to see Joe Taslim back on the big screen in a martial arts film. Miao Xie impresses mightily as the mute father. His fighting is the best out of all the characters. Yayan Ruhian (also of The Raid: Redemption fame) shines as the second in command of the child trafficking ring. If you’ve seen his previous work you know what he is capable fighting wise, and he does not disappoint. Joe Taslim and him get to fight each other again, which feels great to see.

Brian Le is surprisingly memorable as a dim-witted goon who’s built like a tank and doesn’t know when to stay down. He’s destined to become a fan-favorite character. Joey Iwanaga leaves an impression as the head of the nefarious operation. He doesn’t really take center-stage until the third act, but he plays his unhinged role well. 

The only real negatives is some of the blood looks CGI and the dubbing (English over English) is noticeably off. It’s almost like they had some actors mouth the words so an English voice-actor could come in later and dub-over their lip-syncing. That’s it for the bad. It’s really small potatoes when weighed against the scale of everything else this film does oh-so right.

The Furious is an instant classic. It’s bloody, breathless, fast-paced, and totally exhilarating. It’s also easily one of the best films of 2026. If you are a fan of action-films done right, you would do wise to seek this one out ASAP. It will have you leaving the theater feeling bruised, battered, but victorious and screaming for more.

5 STARS

TIME TO CELEBRATE PRIDE MONTH WITH MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

 “Let’s fist some bad guys!”

Gay icon He-Man RETURNS!!!! Masters of the Universe is like watching a self-aware live-action Saturday morning cartoon. This film embraces its silly roots, and never takes itself too seriously. It even pokes fun at itself in some moments. Everyone assembled is perfectly cast, from the lead players like Jared Leto as Skeletor, Nicholas Galitzine as Adam/He-Man, Idris Elba as Duncan/Man-At-Arms, and Camila Mendes as Teela, to supporting players like Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson as Fisto, Jon Xue Zhang as Ram Man, Kristen Wiig as Roboto, and Christian Vuniopola as Hussein. Everyone is having an absolute blast

Jared Leto puts on his best performance in years as Skeletor. The voice isn’t quite right, but he looks perfect and his personality is highly entertaining. He owns every scene he’s in. His laugh is perfect!

Nicholas Galitzine as Adam nails his role as well. For the first act he is a total pussy, but once he wields his mighty sword, he gets a lot better and a lot more attractive (It’s not just his body that gets an upgrade, but his hair as well). He makes for a pretty good role model for kids as he is in touch with his emotions, consistently shows vulnerability, and while he isn’t above throwing fists, he believes in the value of attempting to talk things out first. Camila Mendes as Teela, Adam's love interest, is very likable and unbelievably hot. She's essentially second lead.

All the best parts of Masters of the Universe take place in Eternia, and 90% to 95% of the film take place here. Less than 30 minutes take place on Earth (around 20 to 25 minutes are on Earth). The production design by Guy Hendrix Dyas and the costume design by Richard Sale are beautiful and very cool. Everything is consistently appealing to look at. The score by Daniel Pemberton (with Queen's Brian May on guitar) is incredibly cool and adds much adrenaline to the proceedings. It’s very sonically pleasing. 

There is a good deal of action, and every fight scene is excellent and fun. That said, there are plenty of lulls in-between where characters take time to talk to each other and get caught up with events they had missed. While Masters of the Universe isn’t non-stop action, it always manages to hold your attention and entertain.

With strong direction by Travis Knight (CEO of Laika and sin of Nike founder Phil Knight), this adaptation of Masters of the Universe feels like you are watching a live-action Saturday morning cartoon. I’ve never seen the source material and I imagine it differs a good deal from the show people grew up with, but this is still a quality product. Masters of the Universe is a guilt-free, highly entertaining good time.

3.5 STARS

EPCOT 2.0

 The last time I had been to EPCOT was way back in 2015, when it was still construction wall city. A lot has changed since then, and I just recently had the chance to re-visit the park. What are my thoughts? I will say the entrance is a ton better than the old one. They've added trees, greenery, and a little fountain with a sculpture directly in front of Spaceship Earth.

 Very nice, very aesthetically pleasing. There's also a new background loop which might be better than the old one that used to play in this area. World Showcase still has the same layout, but Future World has been re-vamped considerably. Gone is the Fountain of Nations (R.I.P.), replaced by a concrete area with a garden structure in the middle and some greenery and trees surrounding it. It doesn't feel as open as the area used to, and overall it's not very inviting. 

The trees and greenery surrounding the new structure light up and glow at night, but the garden structure itself does not (it's still broken). Innoventions has been ripped out, and in its place are a large open stage and a new building called Communicore Hall. Communicore Hall is essentially a large hallway where temporary exhibits can be housed. When I visited, it was hosting "Goofy-Core", which basically uses the space as an area for kids to go crazy and play in. In the middle is a round DJ stage where a cast member instructs kids on what to do, even though many seemed to disregard instructions and choose to just play-fight with each other instead. 

There was very little theming to Goofy-Core, the extent of which was some colorful banners that adorned the walls. Very disappointing as there's not much to do inside and the open air stage is outdoors in the sweltering heat with very little shade. Overall, Communicore Hall is a LARGE downgrade from Innoventions. The only other things worth mentioning is that in the UK area they added a bunch of freaking adorable tiny fairy homes situated around a Tinkerbell topiary. I don’t know if this is just for the Flower and Garden Festival, but I hope it’s a permanent addition. 

The model train garden in the Germany area is cute as heck too (as it always is).  What about the rides and restaurants in EPCOT, I hear you ask. Well, take a seat and get comfy. Let's discuss.

SPACESHIP EARTH - This will always and forever be one of my favorite attractions of all time. It's just so comfy, chill, and cool. That said, it needs a refurb. The narration by Judy Dench is by no means bad, but it is outdated with some very cringe-y jokes and the entire descent to the unload area needs a total re-do. The video you are forced to watch during this portion is very cheap and embarrassing. It resembles something you could create on JibJab back in the day and utilizes effects that were outdated even when it was first introduced. 

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: COSMIC REWIND - WHAT A THRILL!!! WHAT A RUSH!!! The planet Xandar from the first Guardians of the Galaxy film has set-up an informational exhibit in EPCOT that aims to inform visitors about how cool and great Xandar is, as well as the many similarities Earth and Xandar share, including that both were formed by The Big Bang. During a demonstration of some teleportation technology, the Celestial Eson crashes the proceedings. He steals the Cosmic Generator, which is used to create portals in space to transport vehicles from point a to point b in a flash. 

Eson aims to use this device to travel back to before The Big Bang to prevent the creation of Earth and mankind. It's up to us and the Guardians of the Galaxy to stop him, mainly by acting as a distraction until the Nova fleet (Xandar's military) can arrive and contain him. This was my first time on the attraction, and I wasn't expecting much. Boy was I wrong! This baby reaches speeds of 60 MPH and features randomized 80s pop music.

 I got 'Everybody Wants to Rule the World', and it RULED!!! The queue for the attraction is serviceable. There are total of 4 pre-shows (if you count the initial holding area you wait in for the first pre-show to reset). The first pre-show with Glen Close is great and effective, with some minimal (inadvertent?) motion-simulator elements.  The next two featuring Terry Crews...eh, not so much. 

The teleportation effect is very cool and impressive, but Terry Crews is simply atrocious and annoying. It feels like he was miscast. The coaster itself more than makes up for these flaws though. It's essentially a mixture of Rock 'n' Roller Coaster (The randomized music tracks) and Space Mountain (a family coaster in the dark with star fields projected on the walls and support beams). There are no falls or inversions. 

This is an incredible and very fun "omni-coaster", so called because the coaster cars rotate to face screens placed throughout the ride which display the Guardians of the Galaxy fighting Eson. The attraction doesn't exactly fit the original mission statement of EPCOT (You could easily argue it doesn't belong or fit in EPCOT at all) despite some minimal educational aspects in the queue. All that being said, I never thought I would say this, but Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind is easily the best coaster in all of Walt Disney World. Be aware there is no single rider option for this attraction, so be prepared to wait upwards of an hour to board (I feel like the long wait times are mostly due to the time spent in the multiple pre-shows).

SOARIN' ACROSS AMERICA - This was perfect. I haven't been on Soarin' Around the World, so all I have to compare this to is the original Soarin'. 'America' certainly isn't as great as 'California', but it would appear to be leagues better than 'World', judging just from videos I've seen of 'World'. This is a genuine throwback to the OG. I LOVE that they brought back the LEGEND Bruce Broughtner to score this temporary update. Jerry Goldsmith scored California and World, but Broughtner scored many classic EPCOT attractions such as 'Honey, I Shrunk the Audience', the Judy Dench version of Spaceship Earth, and Ellen's Energy Adventure. 

The score for 'America' is very reminiscent of that for 'California', but with some tweaks that help to differentiate it a bit. The first portion of the queue is home to multiple stylized travel posters that pay homage to the previous iterations of the attraction while also teasing some of the new locations we'll be visiting this go-round. The attraction itself is very relaxing, calming and pleasing, with plenty of scents that are utilized including grass, ocean spray, and Louisiana Bayou swamp. The first few scenes do feature some egregious CGI, but it doesn't take long for 'America' to settle into it's rhythm and utilize actual footage of real locations. Overall, this is a total win and should just totally replace 'World' altogether. 

LIVING WITH THE LAND - I used to only care about the first indoor potion, but I find that I equally enjoyed the outdoor greenhouse area this time as well. I'm shocked to say that, as of right now, this is likely the overall best attraction at EPCOT.

GRAN FIESTA TOUR - This is obviously not my first time riding this attraction. It's a good ride, and I'll always go on it, but I miss the calm tone and cool (and at times creepy) atmosphere of El Rio del Tiempo. Gran Fiesta Tour is very chaotic and fast-paced, which isn't bad. It's just not my preferred flavor of boat ride. Still worth a ride or several though.

SAN ANGEL INN - This is where we ate lunch/dinner. It's the restaurant located inside the Mexico pavilion and is situated by the first scene of Gran Fiesta Tour (which features a large Mayan pyramid and an erupting volcano). San Angel Inn is basically Walt Disney World's version of the Blue Bayou restaurant at Disneyland. It's always nighttime inside the Mexico pavilion, and this creates a fantastic, cool, and relaxing atmosphere for dining guests. The quality of the food was superb and the menu items weren't exorbitantly priced. 

THE AMERICAN ADVENTURE - Always and forever a timeless attraction, even it isn't always fully historically accurate. Some of the audio-animatronics need a bit of work as it looks like some figures' mouths no longer move . That being said, you can't help but be completely bowled over and wow'd with the scale of the show and the dedication and love that went into making it. It never fails to impress, It always gives me chills throughout, and I always tear up at the end. The best show in all of Walt Disney World PERIOD!

REMY'S RATATOUILLE ADVENTURE - Underwhelmed. It works well enough without the 3-D, but you can definitely feel that something is missing (I never got to ride the 3D version, but I could sense its removal). It needs more sets and props as the majority of the attraction is just screens with little theming. 

My favorite scene is the pantry, where some of the ride vehicles hide the way real rats would. This is a cute ride that has adorable ride vehicles with personality (I honestly think the ride vehicles are the best part of this attraction). I wouldn't wait longer than 30 minutes to ride this.

CANADA FAR AND WIDE - Not as good as the previous two versions, but still pleasing, beautiful, and occasionally moving. Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara (R.I.P.) make for decent and entertaining narrators/guides. This is one of the most underrated films/attractions at EPCOT and is always worth a watch. I LOVE Circlevision 360, and this is one of the few of this type of attraction we have left. 

JOURNEY INTO IMAGINATION WITH FIGMENT - Easily the weakest ride at EPCOT. Badly in need of a total overhaul. I don't know why I continue to go on this. It's cute enough and the theming is decent at times. 

I also dig the queue (Where else can you see the real Weebo from Flubber?) Not a fan of the chaos demon this attraction turns Figment into. He's very unlikable and annoying, and this Figment isn't true to the original Figment from the original Journey into Imagination. This attraction is harmless, but it's well past time it's replaced with something better.

TEST TRACK - None of the versions of Test Track have been perfect, but this one is the closest we've gotten. It could use some explanation concerning the male and female voices (maybe a brief pre-show/queue video). The male is human, the female is our car, but what is his role and what exactly are we doing? This isn't exactly a "test track" anymore, but more of a journey into the future of automobiles. 

The screens in the 'house of the future' portion are the weakest part. BRING BACK THE SPRAYING ROBOTS!!! They would fit the theme of that section, which concerns updating and working on your car at home. The first scene of the ride, where a city street fades into a trillion points of bright blue light, is incredible. 

I also LOVE LOVE LOVE the 'Fun to be Free' forest joy ride portion before the 65 MPH section. While the outdoor 65 MPH speed section is still thrilling and invigorating as hell, I'd actually say the 'Fun to be Free' portion is the best part of this attraction. I wouldn't say this third iteration of Test Track is perfect, but it's close. BRAVO!!!!

And now, with our tour of EPCOT 2.0 coming to its inevitable end, that means it's time to head back to our hotel. My family stayed at the Coronado Springs Resort and boy, was it gorgeous!!! The main tower, which is inspired by a Disney animated short with a neat history called 'Destino' and opened July 2019, is beautiful. We stayed in the older original area, though and it's equally as beautiful as the new tower, just more homey. Our room had multiple art themed to The Three Caballeros adorning the walls. 

The food court was very nice. The morning empanadas I ate were some of the best I've had in a while. Very delicious. Overall, I absolutely adored my time here and would more than happily choose to stay here again.

So, that's it for EPCOT 2.0. Overall, I'd say EPCOT 2.0 is a lateral move from the EPCOT of the 2000s. A little bit was gained, and a good deal was lost, but it still mostly feels like the same EPCOT. That being said, there is a good deal of attractions in the park that are badly in need of work or updating, which begs the question: Why is Carousel of Progress getting updated first when there are other offerings more in need of upgrades and renovations in EPCOT? Oh, that's right, because corporate demands their lifelike Walt audio-animatronic be placed in one of their parks. Regardless, I highly enjoyed my time at EPCOT 2.0 and look forward to visiting again, hopefully soon. 

GET LOST IN BACKROOMS

“If you're not careful and you noclip out of reality in the wrong areas, you'll end up in the Backrooms, where it's nothing but the stink of old moist carpet, the madness of mono-yellow, the endless background noise of fluorescent lights at maximum hum-buzz, and approximately six hundred million square miles of randomly segmented empty rooms to be trapped in. God save you if you hear something wandering around nearby, because it sure as hell has heard you.”

In Backrooms, failed architect turned unsuccessful furniture salesman Clark (Chiwetel Ejiofor) stumbles into an alternate world consisting of liminal spaces and misremembered objects and places. Fascinated, he spends the following weeks mapping out and exploring this alternate world.. When Mary (Renate Reinsve), Clark’s therapist, receives a concerning voicemail, she decides to search for him, inadvertently finding herself trapped in The Backrooms. Unfortunately for both Clark and Maria, there is much more to fear in The Backrooms than just getting lost.

Backrooms is directed by twenty-year-old Kane Parsons, adapted from his YouTube series, which itself is based on the Backrooms Creepypasta. His directing is superb and feels immediate, youthful, experimental, daring, and fresh. The screenplay was penned by forty-five-year-old Will Soodik, and is superb as well. It’s very rich, thoughtful, and Jungian. Our characters are fully fleshed out and three-dimensional as well.

Jeremy Cox handles cinematography, and Greg Ng is in charge of editing. Both do excellent jobs. The cinematography can be dizzying at times and always excels at disorienting the viewer. Backrooms is mostly shot traditionally, but there are refreshing portions that rely on found footage or shaky cam. These portions work better than most recent found-footage films.

Danny Vermette is production designer for Backrooms and does phenomenal work. Backrooms’ locations are incredibly uncanny, liminal, and unsettling, and the 90s aesthetics are accurate and nostalgia-inducing. This is definitely one place you would not want to be trapped in. The score is composed by Kane Parsons and Edo Van Breeman. It’s striking, strong, and very synth-y, adding tension and unease to the proceedings throughout.

Chiwetel Ejiofor and Renate Reinsve both turn in compelling and engaging performances. Ejiofor knows how to switch between nuance and extremity. His role requires a lot from him and he delivers. Reinsve, on the other hand, is more subdued and quiet throughout. That said, she portrays terror exceptionally well. 

Unfortunately, Backrooms doesn’t give Lukita Maxwell or Finn Bennett much opportunity to shine. Mark Duplass fares better as Phil, an Async employee tasked with exploring and documenting the Backrooms. Duplass is sprinkled in sporadically throughout the proceedings. He takes a nothing character and makes him interesting and memorable.

Backrooms doesn’t rely on jump scares to frighten its audience. It chooses to instead drop them into a world of tension and unease and forces them to stew in it. It is filled with heady concepts that it wants audiences to ponder.  Fans of psychology and Jung might find themselves pleasantly surprised with the proceedings. 

Backrooms has so much going for it, so where does it go wrong? Unfortunately, the film chooses to constrain itself to less than an hour and forty-five minutes of run time. This means character arcs are rushed, weeks to months are skipped over, and the interior workings and psyches of our leads could have been more fully explored. An extra twenty minutes or more would have given this almost-masterpiece and its characters more room to breathe. Another potentially polarizing element is this: The lore from the Backrooms Creepypasta remains intact, but Parsons makes a choice that might anger some die-hards regarding whether or not an entity lurks within. Luckily you don’t need to be familiar with said lore to enjoy this film.

While there could have been more to Backrooms, what we’re given is still very strong, and works mostly exceptionally well on its own. There is so much to Backrooms that this movie could easily spawn an entire franchise, with new characters populating each additional entry. This first entry works as a sturdy, strong foundation for future films. Only a fraction of The Backrooms is explored here, and you can only imagine what more there is to see in this terrifying alternate world. 

Backrooms is a very strong outing for first-time director Kane Parsons. It’s the kind of film only a twenty-year-old could make, and I mean that in the best way possible. It’s heady horror that wants audiences to engage with its many ideas. It plays like an episode of the Twilight Zone mixed with House of Leaves. What’s here is very satisfying, but I want more and eagerly look forward to future installments.

4.5 STARS

CAROUSEL OF PROGRESS CHANGING: WILL THERE STILL BE A GREAT, BIG, BEAUTIFUL TOMORROW?

"There's a great, big, beautiful tomorrow,

Shining at the end of every day.

There's a great, big, beautiful tomorrow,

And tomorrow's just a dream away.

Man has a dream and that's the start.

He follows his dream with mind and heart.

And when it becomes a reality,

It's a dream come true for you and me.

So there's a great, big, beautiful tomorrow,

Shining at the end of every day.

There's a great, big, beautiful tomorrow,

Just a dream away."

Walt Disney's Carousel of Progress premiered at the 1964 World's Fair and returned for the 1965 World's Fair. Created by Imagineers Bob Gurr, Roger E. Broggie, and others, the show aimed to take guests on a journey from the 1900s all the way to an imagined future, showing progress and innovation throughout the turn of the century, and how things deemed impossible at the time would eventually become excitingly real. The show depicted an optimistic and humorous vision of the past and future. It reminded guests that there is always a great, big, beautiful tomorrow waiting for all of us, and that the wheels of progress are ever in motion. 

The Carousel of Progress opened on July 2, 1967, with minimal changes from its initial version. It would close on September 9, 1973, and move to the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World where it would open to guests January 15, 1975. This time extensive changes were made to the production. This iteration would move counterclockwise opposed to the clockwise rotation of the previous two versions. The original versions featured stunning kaleidoscopic screens in the load and unload theaters. These screens would stretch from one wall to the other and featured a giant GE logo in the center. For the Magic Kingdom show, these screens were replaced with silver curtains and a GE logo in the middle.  Colored lights would shine onto the logo. 

A new song was written for the Florida show, at the behest of sponsor GE. This song was called "The Best Time of Your Life." The song would be retired in 1994, and replaced by the original song for the attraction, "There's A Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow" (Both songs were created by The Sherman Brothers). New audio-animatronics (including those for Father and his family) would be created for the Walt Disney World Carousel of Progress, and a new voice cast was hired to voice them. The original voice of Father, Rex Allen, would be replaced by Andrew Duggan. The breed of Rover would be changed too. The sets for each time period would under-go design changes as well, and the finale would be updated to "New Year's Eve in the Home of the 1970s". In 1981, the finale would be changed once again to "New Year's Eve in the home of the 1980s".

GE would choose not to renew their sponsorship of the attraction on March 10, 1985. The Carousel of Progress would close shortly after to remove all references to GE, and the GE logo in the load/unload theaters would be covered up by a round blueprint logo for the show. Despite Disney's best efforts, The GE logo could still be seen on a select handful of appliances in the attraction. On August 16, 1993, The Carousel of Progress was closed yet again for an extensive refurb to bring the attraction closer to the theme of "The Future That Never Was". The theaters were re-designed to feature cogs and gears, which were prevalent throughout Tomorrowland at the time, and a Cog/Gear version of the show's logo would replace the blueprint logos in the load/unload theaters. The finale was changed to "Christmas in the House of 2000". Jean Shepherd would replace Andrew Duggan as the voice of Father, and Rex Allen would return to voice Grandfather in the finale. This version would debut on November 23, 1994. 

Speaking of progress, Walt Disney World announced on May 28, 2026, that The Carousel of Progress would be closing July 5, 2026. The show is set to receive a complete update for 2027. An Audio-Animatronic of Walt Disney is to be added in a scene inspired by 1964's "Disneyland Goes to the World's Fair", where Walt first pitched the idea of the carousel. Every show scene would change eras/decades, as well. The first scene/act would now be set in the summer of 1969 and feature our carousel family gathering around the tv to watch the moon landing. The second scene/act is Halloween Night 1985. During this portion, Sarah (aka Mother) will take over to show off the different gadgets and appliances in the home. The third scene/act will take place New Year's Eve 1999 and will focus on the advent of the internet. The 4th scene/act/finale will zero in on our carousel family in the far future and will feature a helpful robot (Really hope this part isn't pro-AI). Supposedly this final act will draw inspiration from sketches drawn by Imagineer John Hench. 

I grew up with the 1994 version of The Carousel of Progress, and it quickly became one of my most beloved attractions at any of the parks. Growing up in a troubled family, the show's catchphrase "There's a great, big, beautiful tomorrow, shining at the end of every day" helped to inspire me and get me through rough days. I grew to love our carousel family, and the show became a comfortable, nostalgic blanket for myself. The Carousel of Progress wasn't a particularly popular offering, but it remained beloved and cherished by all. Much like Splash Mountain, it's a Disney staple and a classic attraction that has weathered and stood the test of time. The finale has badly been in need of an update for quite some time now, but there was nothing wrong with the rest of the show. There are rumors swirling that the reason for the total overhaul is because of the controversial and less savory aspects of the early 1900s, and this renovation/re-tool is being done so that audiences will only remember what Disney wants them to, effectively sweeping the displeasing dust of the past under the proverbial rug. 

I want to be optimistic about this update, but even with the recent successes of Animation Courtyard and the Muppets' re-theme of Rock 'n' Roller Coaster, I can't help but be skeptical of the current leadership at Walt Disney World and the Disney Company at large. After all, these are the idiots who killed Splash Mountain because "Racism" and tore out Tom Sawyer's Island, The Liberty Belle, and The Rivers of America because "Them kids just LOVE the Cars films, let's plop a new Cars land down in an area where it doesn't fit". So, for the time being there will be no "great, big, beautiful tomorrow, shining at the end of every day" and only time will tell if tomorrow will still be great, big, and beautiful when the show re-opens next year. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for now, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried. 

 Below is the full announcement:

A Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow: The Ever-Changing Carousel of Progress - Disney Parks Blog

HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS FAVORITES

 Since it's *checks calendar* May, and I'm already in the Halloween spirit (Yeah, I know. Sue me.) I figured why not post some lists of my favorite Halloween Horror Nights years, houses, and scarezones. These lists are not ranked or numbered. *** = The best of the best! Let's start with zones!

SCAREZONES

***Streets of Blood (HHN 18)

***The Skoolhouse (HHN 18)

***Fractured Tales (HHN 18)

***Asylum in Wonderland (HHN 18)

***Horrorwood Die-In (HHN 19)

***Containment (HHN 19)

***Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (HHN 19)

The Coven (HHN 20)

***Saws N Steam (HHN 20)

Acid Assault (HHN 21)

Grown Evil (HHN 21)

Canyon of Dark Souls (HHN 21)

***Nightmaze (HHN 21)

*** The Purge: Anarchy (HHN 24)

***Icons: HHN (HHN 25)

Invasion! (HHN 27)

***Rob Zombie's Hillbilly Deluxe (HHN 29)

Vikings: Undead (HHN 29)

Gorewood Forest (HHN 30)

***Jungle of Doom: Expedition Horror (HHN 32)

Shipyard 32: Horrors Unhinged (HHN 32)

HOUSES

***The Hallow (HHN 18)

Creatures (HHN 18)

***Body Collectors: Collections of the Past (HHN 18)

Dead Exposure (HHN 18)

***Silver Screams (HHN 19)

***Leave it to Cleaver (HHN 19)

Frankenstein: Creation of the Damned (HHN 19)

Dracula: Legacy in Blood (HHN 19)

Hades: The Gates of Ruin (HHN 20)

Psychoscareapy: Echoes of Shadybrook (HHN 20)

***Zombigeddon (HHN 20)

Catacombs: Black Death Rising (HHN 20)

Legendary Truth: The Wyandot Estate (HHN 20)

***Havoc: Dogs of War (HHN 20)

Horror Nights: The Hallowed Past (HHN 20)

The Thing (HHN 21)

***The Forsaken (HHN 21)

***The In-Between (HHN 21)

***Winter's Night: The Haunting of Hawthorne Cemetery (HHN 21)

***Nightingales: Blood Prey (HHN 21)

Nevermore: The Madness of Poe (HHN 21)

***Saws N Steam: Into the Machine (HHN 21)

H.R. Bloodengutz Presents: Holidays of Horror (HHN 21)

***Dead End (HHN 22)

Gothic (HHN 22)

***An American Werewolf in London (HHN 23)

AVP (HHN 24)

Roanoke: Cannibal Colony (HHN 24)

***Halloween (HHN 24)

***Insidious (HHN 25)

***Freddy vs. Jason (HHN 25)

***Jack Presents: 25 Years of Monsters and Mayhem (HHN 25)

***Body Collectors: Recollections (HHN 25)

AHS: Vol 2 (HHN 27)

***Scarecrow: The Reaping (HHN 27)

The Shining (HHN 27)

Dead Waters (HHN 27)

The Fallen (HHN 27)

Hive (HHN 27)

***Graveyard Games (HHN 29)

***Universal Monsters (HHN 29)

House of 1000 Corpses (HHN 29)

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (HHN 29)

Welcome to SCarey: Horror in the Heartland (HHN 30)

***HHN Icons: Captured (HHN 30)

***Case Files: Legendary Truth (HHN 30)

***Texas Chainsaw Massacre (HHN 30)

***Wicked Growth: Realm of the Pumpkin (HHN 30)

***Puppet Theater: Captive Audience (HHN 30)

Revenge of the Tooth Fairy (HHN 30)

***Dr. Oddfellow's Twisted Origins (HHN 32)

***Dueling Dragons: Choose Thy Fate (HHN 32)

***Blood Moon: Dark Offerings (HHN 32)

***The Darkest Deal (HHN 32)

Now, let's see which House location has had the best lineup of houses over the years!

DISASTER QUEUE

***Leave it to Cleaver (HHN 19)

***Zombiegeddon (HHN 20)

H.R. Bloodengutz Presents: Holidays of Horror (HHN 21)

JAWS QUEUE

*** Saws N Steam: Into the Machine (HHN 21)

MIB TENT

House of 1000 Corpses (HHN 29)

Welcome to SCarey: Horror in the Heartland (HHN 30)

PARADE WAREHOUSE

***Silver Screams (HHN 19)

Horror Nights: The Hallowed Past (HHN 20)

***The Forsaken (HHN 21)

Roanoke: Cannibal Colony (HHN 24)

***Graveyard Games (HHN 29)

SECOND PARADE WAREHOUSE

***Universal Monsters (HHN 29)

SOUNDSTAGE 20

***Body Collectors: Collections of the Past (HHN 18)

***Dead End (HHN 22)

Gothic (HHN 22)

SOUNDSTAGE 21 

***Jack Presents: 25 Years of Monsters and Mayhem (HHN 25)

AHS: Vol 2 (HHN 27)

SOUNDSTAGE 22

Creatures! (HHN 18)

Legendary Truth: The Wyandot Estate (HHN 20)

***Winter's Night: The Haunting of Hawthorne Cemetery (HHN 21)

***An American Werewolf in London (HHN 23)

The Shining (HHN 27)

SOUNDSTAGE 23

Frankenstein: Creation of the Damned (HHN 19)

Dracula: Legacy in Blood (HHN 19)

Hades: The Gates of Ruin (HHN 20)

Psychoscareapy: Echoes of Shadybrook (HHN 20)

The Thing (HHN 21)

***Nightingales: Blood Prey (HHN 21)

***The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (HHN 30)

***Blood Moon: Dark Offerings (HHN 32)

SOUNDSTAGE 24

AvP (HHN 24)

***Freddy vs Jason (HHN 25)

***Body Collectors: Recollections (HHN 25)

The Fallen (HHN 27)

Dead Waters (HHN 27)

Revenge of the Tooth Fairy (HHN 30)

***HHN Icons: Captured (HHN 30)

***Dueling Dragons: Choose Thy Fate (HHN 32)

SHREK 4D THEATER

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (HHN 29)

***Case Files Unearthed: Legendary Truth (HHN 30)

SPRUNG TENT 1

***The Hallow (HHN 18)

***The In-Between (HHN 21)

Catacombs: Black Death Rising (HHN 20)

***Scarecrow: The Reaping (HHN 27)

***Puppet Theater: Captive Audience (HHN 30)

***The Darkest Deal (HHN 32)

SPRUNG TENT 2

***Dead Exposure (HHN 18)

***Havoc: Dogs of War (HHN 20)

Nevermore: The Madness of Poe (HHN 21)

***Halloween (HHN 24)

***Insidious (HHN 25)

Hive (HHN 27)

*** Wicked Growth: Realm of the Pumpkin (HHN 30)

***Dr. Oddfellow's Twisted Origins (HHN 32)

So, going by the above list, the locations that tend to have the best houses are Sprung Tent 1 (5 Best of, 6 memorable houses total), Sprung Tent 2 (5 Best of, 8 memorable houses total), Soundstage 23 (3 Best of, 8 memorable houses total), Soundstage 24 (4 Best of, 8 memorable houses total), and Parade Warehouse (3 Best of, 5 memorable houses total)

Now, onto Scarezone locations!

NEW YORK CITY STREETS

***Streets of Blood (HHN 18)

***Saws N Steam (HHN 20)

Acid Assault (HHN 21)

The Purge: Anarchy (HHN 24)

CENTRAL PARK

Grown Evil (HHN 21)

***Trick r' Treat (HHN 27)

Vikings: Undead (HHN 29)

Gorewood Forest (HHN 30)

***Jungle of Doom: Expedition Horror (HHN 32)

HOLLYWOOD

***Asylum in Wonderland (HHN 18)

***Icons: HHN (HHN 25)

SAN FRANCISCO

***Horrorwood Die-In (HHN 19)

Invasion! (HHN 27)

***Rob Zombie's Hillbilly Deluxe (HHN 29)

Shipyard 32: Horrors Unhinged (HHN 32)

TRANSFORMERS ALLEY

The Coven (HHN 20)

Nightmaze (HHN 21)

MEL'S DRIVE-IN AREA

*** The Skoolhouse (HHN 18)

KIDZONE

***Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (HHN 19)

INTERNATIONAL FOOD BAZAAR

Canyon of Dark Souls (HHN 21)

PRODUCTION CENTRAL

***Containment (HHN 19)

For Scarezones, it looks like the locations with the strongest Scarezones are Central Park (2 Best of, 5 memorable zones total), San Francisco (2 Best of, 4 memorable zones total), New York City Streets (2 Best of, 4 memorable zones total), and Hollywood (2 Best of, 2 memorable zones total)

Last but not least, let's go through each year, listing the houses and scarezones that have been named above, in order to see which years have been the strongest overall!!

HHN 18

***Streets of Blood (ZONE)

***The Skoolhouse (ZONE)

Fractured Tales (ZONE)

Asylum in Wonderland (ZONE)

***The Hallow (HOUSE)

Creatures (HOUSE)

***Body Collectors: Collections of the Past (HOUSE)

Dead Exposure (HOUSE)

HHN 19

***Horrorwood Die-In (ZONE)

***Containment (ZONE)

Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (ZONE)

***Silver Screams (HOUSE)

***Leave it to Cleaver (HOUSE)

Frankenstein: Creation of the Damned (HOUSE)

Dracula: Legacy in Blood (HOUSE)

HHN 20

The Coven (ZONE)

***Saws N Steam (ZONE)

Hades: The Gates of Ruin (HOUSE)

Psychoscareapy: Echoes of Shadybrook (HOUSE)

***Zombigeddon (HOUSE)

Catacombs: Black Death Rising (HOUSE)

Legendary Truth: The Wyandot Estate (HOUSE)

***Havoc: Dogs of War (HOUSE)

Horror Nights: The Hallowed Past (HOUSE)

HHN 21

Acid Assault (ZONE)

Grown Evil (ZONE)

Canyon of Dark Souls (ZONE)

***Nightmaze (ZONE)

The Thing (HOUSE)

***The Forsaken (HOUSE)

***The In-Between (HOUSE)

***Winter's Night: The Haunting of Hawthorne Cemetery (HOUSE)

***Nightingales: Blood Prey (HOUSE)

Nevermore: The Madness of Poe (HOUSE)

***Saws N Steam: Into the Machine (HOUSE)

H.R. Bloodengutz Presents: Holidays of Horror (HOUSE)

HHN 22

***Dead End (HOUSE)

Gothic (HOUSE)

HHN 23

***An American Werewolf in London (HOUSE)

HHN 24

*** The Purge: Anarchy (ZONE)

AVP (HOUSE)

Roanoke: Cannibal Colony (HOUSE)

***Halloween (HOUSE)

HHN 25

***Icons: HHN (ZONE)

***Insidious (HOUSE)

***Freddy vs. Jason (HOUSE)

***Jack Presents: 25 Years of Monsters and Mayhem (HOUSE)

***Body Collectors: Recollections (HOUSE)

HHN 27

Invasion! (ZONE)

AHS: Vol 2 (HHN 27)

***Scarecrow: The Reaping (HOUSE)

The Shining (HOUSE)

Dead Waters (HOUSE)

The Fallen (HOUSE)

Hive (HOUSE)

HHN 29

***Rob Zombie's Hillbilly Deluxe (ZONE)

Vikings: Undead (ZONE)

***Graveyard Games (HOUSE)

***Universal Monsters (HOUSE)

House of 1000 Corpses (HOUSE)

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (HOUSE)

HHN 30

Gorewood Forest (ZONE)

Welcome to SCarey: Horror in the Heartland (HOUSE)

***HHN Icons: Captured (HOUSE)

***Case Files: Legendary Truth (HOUSE)

***Texas Chainsaw Massacre (HOUSE)

***Wicked Growth: Realm of the Pumpkin (HOUSE)

***Puppet Theater: Captive Audience (HOUSE)

Revenge of the Tooth Fairy (HOUSE)

HHN 32

***Jungle of Doom: Expedition Horror (ZONE)

Shipyard 32: Horrors Unhinged (ZONE)

***Dr. Oddfellow's Twisted Origins (HOUSE)

***Dueling Dragons: Choose Thy Fate (HOUSE)

***Blood Moon: Dark Offerings (HOUSE)

***The Darkest Deal (HOUSE)

HHN 33

ZIP!!! ZILCH!!! NOTHING!!!! NO FAVORITE HOUSES OR SCAREZONES!!!

Checking my list, the best years for ZONES were HHN 18 (4 Best of ,4 Memorable Zones Total) and HHN 19 (3 Best of, 3 Memorable Zones Total). 

The best years for HOUSES were HHN 19 (2 Best of, 4 Memorable Houses Total), HHN 20 (2 Best of, 7 Memorable Houses Total), HHN 21 (5 Best of, 8 Memorable Houses Total. That means every house this year made it onto the list!),  HHN 25 (4 Best of, 4 Memorable Houses total), HHN 27 (1 Best of, 5 Memorable Houses Total), HHN 29 (2 Best of, 4 Memorable Houses Total), HHN 30 (5 Best of, 7 Memorable Houses Total), and HHN 32 (4 Best of, 4 Memorable Houses Total). 

The absolute best year for zones was HHN 18.

The absolute best years for houses were HHN 21, HHN 25, HHN 30, and HHN 32.

The strongest houses were Body Collectors: Collections of the Past (HHN 18), Silver Screams (HHN 19), Leave it to Cleaver (HHN 19), Zombigeddon (HHN 20), Havoc: Dogs of War (HHN 20), The Forsaken (HHN 21), The In-Between (HHN 21), Winter's Night: The Haunting of Hawthorne Cemetery (HHN 21), Dead End (HHN 22), An American Werewolf in London (HHN 23), Halloween (HHN 24), Freddy vs. Jason (HHN 25), Insidious (HHN 25), Jack Presents: 25 Years of Monsters and Mayhem (HHN 25), Body Collectors: Recollections (HHN 25), Scarecrow: The Reaping (HHN 27), Graveyard Games (HHN 29), Universal Monsters (HHN 29), HHN ICONS: Captured (HHN 30), Texas Chainsaw Massacre (HHN 30), Wicked Growth: Realm of the Pumpkin (HHN 30), Puppet Theater: Captive Audience (HHN 30), Dr. Oddfellow's Twisted Origins (HHN 32), Blood Moon: Dark Offerings (HHN 30), and The Darkest Deal (HHN 30).

The strongest zones were Streets of Blood (HHN 18), The Skoolhouse (HHN 18), Horrorwood Die-In (HHN 19), Saws N Steam (HHN 20), The Purge: Anarchy (HHN 24), ICONS: HHN (HHN 25), Rob Zombie's Hillbilly Deluxe (HHN 29), and Jungle of Doom: Expedition Horror (HHN 32).

BECOME OBSESSED WITH OBSESSION.

 In Obsession, Bear (Michael Johnston) has a crush on one of his close friends, Nikki (Inde Navarratte). While at an occult store, he picks up a One Wish Willlow, a novelty toy from the 80s that supposedly grants the user one wish. Later, without thinking, Bear uses the Willlow to make a wish: For Nikki to love him more than anyone in the entire world. So the Monkey’s Paw curls. Bear gets exactly what he wished for, but in horrifying ways he never could have predicted. Be careful what you wish for.

Obsession is the first feature length film from YouTube wunderkind Curry Barker, who was just recently handed the reigns to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. After seeing this, it’s easy to see why. He’s clearly the right guy for the job. Barker directed, edited, and penned the screenplay for Obsession. He excels at each role, bringing his own intoxicating blend of horror and dark humor to the proceedings. Obsession is never slow or boring, moving at a good pace throughout (I honestly could have watched another full hour of this film). 

Rock Burwell crafts the score and hits a home run. It sounds like a decaying music box a good deal of the time, and definitely adds to the fear and tension throughout. Taylor Clemens handles the cinematography and does a great job as well. He knows how to work with dark spaces on the periphery, how to utilize characters in the background of scenes, and enjoys playing with shadows. Clemens’ work adds to the terror lurking within this flick.

Michael Johnston plays Bear and nails the role. Bear is an awkward, insecure, sensitive, and somewhat selfish young man who works at a music store with his friends. When he makes the wish, he does so without any seriousness, unaware just how real a One Wish Willow’s effects are. When things get real and Bear sees how the Willow is affecting Nikki, Bear is left with a choice: Find a way to undo his wish or continue to live in his dream-turned-nightmare.

You’d think the choice would be an easy one, but not so for Bear. So what if Nikki has been turned into an unhinged, unstable psychopath… he’s still finally got her “love”. Yeah, Bear is kind of a weak person when all is said and done (for example: You see him sobbing uncontrollably early on at the thought of Nikki not loving him). Johnston takes a character that could easily become unlikable and finds ways to keep him relatable, empathetic, and human throughout. He’s also an ace when it comes to portraying genuine terror. Most people are going to fawn over Inde Navarrette’s performance, but Michael Johnston deserves much praise too. 

Inde Navarrette is a genuine, rare find as Nikki. Curry Barker is so lucky to have found her, and hopefully her performance here will open many more doors for the young actress. She’s got real talent, and easily commands the screen whenever she is on. Navarrette excels at playing “Normal Nikki” and “Freaky Nikki”. We only get to see Normal Nikki for the first twenty to twenty-five minutes of the movie. Once Bear breaks the One Wish Willow, Normal Nikki only appears sporadically and for just literal seconds at a time.

That said, Normal Nikki is an endearing and sweet character. Despite spending little time with her, you like her. Navarrette’s performance as “Freaky Nikki”, however, is what’s going to garner acclaim and maybe even win awards. She goes for broke and swings for the fences. It’s a bold strategy as it could easily come across as mugging for the camera (think Jim Carrey), but in Inde’s hands this is never the case. 

“Freaky Nikki” is easily the scariest character we’ve gotten in a horror film in some time. She’s legitimately terrifying and unsettling. Barker uses some editing tricks to even make the way Nikki moves scary. Navarrette is phenomenal when it comes to her facial acting, and much of the fear comes from the ways she uses her face. She’s also excellent at rapidly switching between intensity levels. The girl can go from zero to a hundred at the drop of a dime, and this gives the audience the effect of walking on eggshells. You’re never ever fully comfortable or at ease when Inde is on screen (and even at times when she’s off-screen).

As for the supporting cast, Cooper Tomlinson (from Barker’s YouTube short film, Milk and Serial) is likable as Ian, the “frat bro” best friend to Bear. He shows genuine concern when Nikki goes freaky, and brings up some valid points to Bear. Megan Lawless plays Sarah, a friend of Bear’s who has a crush on him. She doesn’t get as much of a chance to shine as others, but is still likable and does well in her role. 

Obsession is an honest-to-God diamond-in-the-rough. It’s terrifying but heartfelt. It almost feels like a super dark version of that episode of The Fairly Oddparents where Timmy wishes for Trixie to be his girlfriend. You will scream, and you will laugh. It’s rare when you find yourself laughing not out of humor, but out of unease and horror. With Obssession, Curry Barker has crafted one hell of a calling card. It’s genuinely one of the best and scariest horror films of this decade. Obsession is a masterpiece. I'm obsessed.

5 STARS

RETRO REVIEW: THE ELEPHANT MAN

 “YOU’RE THE MONSTER! YOU’RE THE FREAK!!!”

“You’re not an elephant man. You’re Romeo.”

“I AM NOT AN ELEPHANT!!!! I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!! I AM A HUMAN BEING!!!”

Based on a true story: 21 year old John Merrick has lived a life of cruelty and hardship as a traveling sideshow freak due to an unfortunate and incurable deformity. Dr. Frederick Treves, a surgeon, stumbles upon him and chooses to befriend the poor soul. Treves rescues him, giving Merrick a home at his hospital and showing him the first bits of human kindness and empathy John has ever known. This institutes an inner transformation for Merrick, who begins to see himself as a man for the first time ever. However, as more of high society line up to meet him, uncomfortable questions arise: Has John traded one circus for another?  Is Treves just a kinder version of John’s initial, abusive owner?

A beautiful, magnificent, deeply moving and deeply affecting film of pure empathy. John Hurt and Anthony Hopkins deliver stellar, heartfelt, and human performances as our leads. Freddie Jones as Bytes and Michael Elphick as Jim Rashad are monstrous and easy to hate as our antagonists. Anne Bancroft as Madge Kendal, a notorious stage actress, and Hannah Gordon as Ann Treves, wife of Frederick are kind, soft, and tender as women that grow to care about John.

The screenplay by Christopher De Vore, Eric Bergen, and David Lynch fill the proceedings with a great deal of humanity, tragedy, and warmth. The Elephant Man might be the most straight-forward film David Lynch has made. For my money, it’s also his best. Lynch gets it. Bring plenty of tissues.

5 STARS

PSYCHO KILLER SLASHES IT'S WAY TO FAILURE

 In Psycho Killer, Kansas Highway Patrol agent Jane Archer (Georgina Campbell) hunts down a satanic serial killer (James Preston Rogers) after she witnesses him murder her husband, a fellow Highway Patrol agent. Desperate to prevent more senseless deaths, Jane tracks the killer and in the process realizes that he has much bigger plans than random acts of violence. As each murder brings him closer to his ultimate goal, Jane finds herself continually one step behind the talented psycho. Will Jane be able to stop him before he can enact his grand finale?

So much wasted potential. The threadbare screenplay feels more like an outline and desperately needed a few more passes or re-writes to beef up the characters and lore. Seven scribe Andrew Kevin Walker penned the screenplay. He also penned Sleepy Hollow, 8MM, and The Killer and co-wrote Windfall and The Wolfman. The first draft of the screenplay was finished in 2007 and his second draft was completed in 2008.

It’s admittedly a different take to make a “detective procedural” from the pov of the killer. Unfirtunately, our psycho killer (dubbed the Satanic Slasher, played by James Preston Rogers) is a deeply silly character. He wears silly sunglasses, has a silly little mask, and speaks with a silly ultra-deep voice that sounds like he’s speaking through a voice changer. I’d bet all of his lines are dubbed. He gets no motivation, and the explanation of who he is is barely explained.

We never get a good look into the Satanic Slasher’s  psyche or what makes him tick besides the movie explicitly stating that he is an insane Satanist. There are tiny breadcrumbs in the film that hint at who the Satanic Slasher is and how he got here, but the audience has to put the pieces together for themselves after the film has ended. The quick news report in the 13th hour that briefly exposes his identity plays like serious whiplash. Georgina Campbell is great and compelling, despite being given essentially nothing to work with. The cinematography by Magnus Nordenhof Jønck is pretty, even if the locations and sets are bare bones.

This is director Gavin Polone’s first feature film (He was attached to direct since 2010), and it shows. His work as director here feels absolutely absent. He’s got no presence. Psycho Killer wants to be taken seriously. It wants to be dark and cool, but is woefully unaware of just how silly it really is. If the screenplay had been worked on a significant amount more, this could have been interesting. There was definite potential here. Unfortunately, as is, Psycho Killer is an under-developed nothing-burger.

2 STARS

HOKUM BRINGS THE SPOOKY

 In Hokum, we follow Ohm Bowman (Adam Scott), a depressed, alcoholic writer with an attitude issue. He travels from America to Ireland to spread his parent’s ashes, staying at their honeymoon spot while there. Ohm eventually becomes personally invested in a local mystery, deciding to investigate on his own. He winds up trapped in the hotel’s honeymoon suite where he will have to survive a litany of terrors if he’s going to make it out alive. 

Adam Scott is compelling and interesting as our leading man, Ohm. Scott deftly mixes humor and pathos to an effective degree. Ohm makes for an engaging lead despite his overall sour personality, and it’s fun to follow him on his personal quest. Ohm isn’t just an audience stand-in as he is a fully developed character with layers.

The stand-outs of the supporting cast are David Wilmot as Jerry, Will O’Connell as Alby the bellhop and Jack the Jackass, and Florence Ordesh as Fiona. Fiona is a kind, friendly bartender whom Ohm warms up to and befriends. She ends up coming in for the clutch a few times when Ohm needs help. Jerry is a strange hermit who enjoys ‘Shrooms and winds up investigating the mystery alongside Ohm. Jerry is low-key the GOAT. Alby is a dejected bellhop who seeks approval from Ohm, and Jack the Jackass is the scary host of a kids tv show. The cast cobbled together for Hokum is strong and likable, each character adding something different to the proceedings. 

Damien McCarthy writes and directs. He previously wrote and directed Caveat and Oddity. While Oddity is more consistently creepy and scary than Hokum, the atmosphere crafted here is still rich, tense, and freaky. McCarthy took clear inspiration from 1408 and The Shining, sprinkling a little bit of Irish folklore on top and adding his own personal flavor to the mix. While there are a good deal of jump scares throughout (most of which fall flat), there is one genuinely terrifying sequence in the third act. 

The strongest aspects of Hokum aren’t the scares, but its rich and satisfying story, and the consistently tense and creepy atmosphere. This is another winner for McCarthy. Check in to the Bilberry Hotel, ask for the Honeymoon Suite. A scary, sad, and surprisingly heartwarming time awaits.

4 STARS

MICHAEL ATTEMPTS TO MOONWALK

Undeniably entertaining but you can definitely tell there is a better film screaming to claw its way out. The original cut likely was going to focus a lot more on MJ’s inability to grow up and how that affected the man he would become and the crimes against children he would go on to commit. Unfortunately, once the Jackson estate got involved all that went out the window. Instead, we have a film that “plays the hits” and doesn’t offer up any new insights or information about the God of pop (the film doesn’t even really delve into how MJ came up with the ideas for some of his songs). 

If you are a long-time fan of MJ’s, you’ve seen all this before. This version zeroes in on MJ’s attempts to free himself from under the oppressive thumb of his controlling and abusive father and culminates/ends with Jackson releasing Bad. Joseph Jackson is played as a one-note sneering villain by the normally talented Colman Domingo. Joseph might as well come with his own “BOO!” sign.

Jaafar Jackson (Son of Jermaine Jackson. MJ was his paternal uncle) steps into the moonwalking shoes of Jackson with ease and finesse. Jaafar channels the spirit of his late uncle. He nails MJ’s voice and dance moves to perfection. He even looks like him once he loses the afro for a perm. After a bit, you forget you aren’t watching the real MJ.

Juliano Valdi shines as well as young MJ. Much like Jaafar, he nails young MJ’s look, voice, and dance moves. Miles Teller is a welcome and likable presence as John Branca, a record exec who assists MJ throughout. Mike Meyers makes a surprise appearance as Walter Yetnikoff, president of CBS records, and is entertaining in his one scene.

Antoine Fuqua directs and does a solid job. Dione Beebe is in charge of cinematography. Conrad Buff IV, Tom Cross, John Ottman, and Harry Yoon handle editing duties. Michael looks sleek, sharp, and shiny with some concert, music video/short film, and on-stage moments impressing mightily. This film looks good!

Michael works best as a concert film, which it eventually turns into during the second and third acts. It’s hard not to have fun watching Jaafar as MJ sing and strut his way across the screen (and it’s very cool to watch part of Thriller on the big screen. They even seem to have used the actual iconic filming location from the music video/short film). MJ was a multi-layered and complex person, so it’s disappointing that this film opts for a mostly surface level representation of the God of Pop. 

Scenes from the original cut manage to sneak their way in, but only serve to remind audiences of the much-better film we could have gotten. As is, the scenes with MJ fixating on childhood items and films exist as an afterthought. The next movie (if it’s released) might delve deeper than Michael chooses to, but with the Jackson Estate in control, it’s hard to have much hope. Michael is a highly entertaining reminder of the immense, once-in-a-lifetime talent MJ was. It certainly could have been great, but as it stands it’s your typical biopic of a musician. See it for the concert and music video/short film scenes (of which there are many).

3 STARS

2025 CATCH-UP : FLIGHT RISK

What a baffling movie. A fun concept and a good cast is grounded by a terrible screenplay (Jared Rosenberg) and atrocious direction (The once talented Mel Gibson). Michele Dockery and Mark Whalberg attempt to carry the proceedings, but fail. Dockery’s Madelyn Harris is given a tiny bit of backstory and pathos in an attempt to add gravitas to her character and stakes to her mission. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work as we are given very little reason to care about her (or any other) character. 

Mark Whalberg (with a very unfortunate balding hair line) tries to keep things fun, but also fails mostly due to him being a generally terrible and non-threatening hitman. He spends the majority of the runtime handcuffed or subdued by our leads. His abundance of terrible sexual threats/jokes grow stale and tiresome fast. 

Topher Grace struggles as Winston, a mafia accountant turned informant who acts as the unfunny and annoying comedic relief wet noodle. He is mostly useless except in one brief pivotal moment. There are attempts at humor that completely fall flat due to terrible comedic timing or misreadings of lines. 

There are also parts that are painfully cringe, like another pilot who is called to assist and almost immediately asks Madelyn out on a date, she happily accepts, then he playfully flirts with her for the rest of his scenes. I never would have guessed Mel Gibson was the man in the pilot’s seat. This could have been a fun B movie, but Mel Gibson steers course towards psychological thriller and winds up crashing his plane as a result. There’s hard to feel any tension when the big bad is handcuffed in the back for the majority of the film while our protagonists mostly ignore or disregard him and talk to each other/to FBI headquarters (there’s an uninteresting sub-plot involving a mole in the agency)/to the other pilot. They don’t appear to think of him as much of a threat, so why should we? 

Unfortunately, Flight Risk is a fairly dull and boring trip where very little of interest or import occurs during our time in the skies. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. This does not bode well for Passion of the Christ 2 or any future Mel Gibson helmed films. Gibson, you’ve been permanently grounded and your pilot’s license revoked.

1 STAR

IT'S TIME TO MEET YOUR MUMMY - THE MUMMY (2026)

 This ain’t your mommy’s Mummy!  In The Mummy, Charlie (Jack Reynor), a tv news reporter, is on assignment in Egypt. He brings his wife Larissa (Laia Costa), young son Sebastian, and nine year old daughter Katie (Emily Mitchell) along for the trip. While there, Katie is kidnapped, leaving her family bereft. Eight years later, Katie still hasn’t been found. Charlie is now a tv news producer, and is back at his home in New Mexico. His family and him have picked up the pieces as best they can, but things still aren’t the same. 

When a plane crashes in Egypt, a sarcophagus is discovered with Katie (Natalia Grace) inside. When notified, Charlie and Larissa bring Katie back home, but find she is a shade of her former self. As the days trek on, Katie begins to display disturbing behavior as it slowly becomes clear something is not right. Charlie investigates with the help of Egyptian detective Dalia Zaki  (May Calamawy), and discovers that his entire family is in grave danger.

The Mummy is the latest from director Lee Cronin, who penns the screenplay as well. He previously directed Evil Dead Rise and it would his appear his time working on that film inspired him to make The Mummy. Evil Dead’s fingerprints are all over this movie. Luckily, this isn’t exactly Evil Dead as there is a strong, engaging, and very cool mystery at the heart of this flick. While this is definitely a horror film, most of the runtime is devoted to unraveling the mystery of what happened to Katie. It’s a nice, different turn from what most are likely expecting. The occasional comedic parts are unexpected and always funny as well. 

Those coming to see Katie wreck shit might be disappointed. She absolutely gets down to some nefarious deeds on occasion, but for most of the movie she is in a semi-catatonic state. Natalia Grace does a fine job as Katie, but isn’t as impressive as previous Mummys. She’s freaky and scary, but doesn’t fully command the screen until the third act. 

May Calamawy is likable and engaging as Detective Dalia Zaki, who becomes invested in the mystery and digs deep while in Egypt to see what answers she can find. The stand-out is Jack Reynor as Charlie. He is superb as the grieving husband/father-turned-sleuth. Charlie is one of the first to notice that something is very wrong with Katie, and It’s a lot of fun to follow him on his quest for answers. Reynor is a likable yet flawed protagonist and he manages to show a great depth of emotion throughout, competently and confidentially leading the proceedings. This is easily one of his best roles to date.

The remainder of the cast do solid work. Shylo Molina as teenager Sebastian is entertaining. He gets a decent amount of screen time but shines most during the third-act climax. Veronica Falcon as Carmen, the religious grandmother, adds a bit of flavor to the film. Billie Roy as daughter Maude is lovable, funny, and appropriately freaky when she needs to be. She is the stand-out of the child actors. Laia Costa as Larissa is fairly frustrating for most of the first act as she hurls accusations at Charlie and is blinded by her love for the mummified Katie, so much so that she is unable to see the truth of the situation and the dangers right in front of her. Luckily, she gets better in the second act. Laia remains relatable and sympathetic throughout.

The cinematography by David Garnett is superb and inventive. It does lean heavily on split-diopter shots, which help to give this film its own unique visual identity. It’s nice to see old-school camera tricks utilized to such a degree here. The entire movie is beautiful to look at and is easily the best shot film of 2026 thus far. The score by Stephen McKeon is superb and striking. It adds to the terror and tension found within the film and is very impressive. It’s definitely worth a listen to on its own.

There is a lot of talk going around about how mean and brutal The Mummy is. While this talk is exaggerated to an extent, I am pleased to report that this is indeed a very mean, very gory, very gross, and incredibly disturbing film. It’s about on the same level of Evil Dead Rise when it comes to that kind of thing. Gore hounds and fans of the icky should leave satisfied.

4.5 STARS

The Mummy plays like Evil Dead Rise mixed with The Mummy franchise with a heavy emphasis on mystery throughout. This is unlike any Mummy movie you’ve seen before. Some will undoubtedly be upset by the Evil Dead vibes this flick is saturated with, but that doesnt’t change the fact that this is a very strong and solid film. At the end of the day, this is a movie about a father’s undying love for his daughter. The Mummy successfully raises The Mummy franchise from the dead, revitalizing and reinvigorating it in the process. It’s the best horror film of 2026 (so far).

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN: The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter

 The Walt Disney World of today seems to have seriously lost its way. The Streets of America, Muppet*Vision 3-D, The Rivers of America, Tom Sawyer Island, Splash Mountain, The Fountain of Nations, and many other beloved attractions and areas have all been bulldozed in the name of "progress". Yes, yes...to live in the modern day and to think about Walt Disney World is to feel a pit open up in the bottom of your stomach. So, why not travel back to a better time for the parks? 

A time when Walt Disney World was the big cheese in Orlando and wasn't afraid to innovate and take risks. A time we call THE 90's. So precious little of the Walt Disney World of that era remains today, but that doesn't mean, with the help of some imagination, we can't rewind the years and take a fond look back at those halcyon years. Today, we travel back to the distant year of 1994 to examine one of the riskiest and scariest attractions Walt Disney World ever created: The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter.

Michael Eisner and Frank Wells became the CEOs of The Walt Disney Company in September, 1984. Both would oversee a period of rejuvenation for the company's animation and theme parks divisions. In the late 80s and early 90s, Eisner began to grow worried about the public perception of Walt Disney World and Disneyland. He feared that most saw the Disney parks as a place for children, leaving teens to avoid the theme parks. 

It didn't help that Eisner's teenage son, Breck, seemed to agree that the parks were "lame". In an effort to revitalize the brand, Eisner and the Disney Imagineers began to toy with concepts for an older teen demographic. A partnership between Disney and George Lucas birthed Star Tours; a motion-simulator themed around the Star Wars films. Star Tours would quickly become massively popular, leading it to be cloned for The Disney MGM Studios theme park in Orlando, Florida. 

Hoping to recreate the success of Star Tours, Michael Eisner set the Imagineers, the team of Lucas, Senior Vice president of Theme Park Productions Tom Fitzgerald, and Senior VP in charge of Creative Development Eric Jacobson to the task of creating a frightening attraction for the Tomorrowland in Disneyland (apparently George Lucas was barely involved in the creation of the attraction, only attending a grand total of one brainstorming meeting.). Eventually, the idea would be moved to Walt Disney World. One rumor is that originally the attraction was meant to be a shooter dark ride aboard the Nostromo from Alien. While this was a blue sky concept, according to Imagineers this was a separate idea unrelated to Alien Encounter. Meanwhile, over at Magic Kingdom's Tomorrowland, the old Mission to Mars attraction was badly in need of updating. This theater-in-the-round show took guests on a brief flight to Mars. 

The theater featured screens on the sides of the theater and in the center on the bottom of the floor. The attraction had originally opened on December 24, 1971 as Flight to the Moon. Flight to the Moon closed on April 15, 1975 and would re-open on March 21, 1975 as Mission to Mars. Clearly, Mission to Mars had aged greatly over the course of its decade-plus operation. It was badly in need of a re-tool and re-imagining. 

The Alien Encounter team saw the aging attraction as the perfect spot for their next horrifying creation. In 1987, Tom Fitzgerald delivered the first pitch for the attraction that would go on to become Alien Encounter. Tom Mission to Mars would close on November 2, 1992 for something a little more out-of-this-world. The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter would soft open on December 16, 1994. Sadly, Eisner's business partner Frank Wells wouldn't live to see Spielberg's, Lucas' and the Imagineers thrilling new addition. Wells would tragically die in a helicopter crash on April 3, 1994.

Even with the soft opening, The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter was far from out of the weeds. During a preview of the attraction, Michael Eisner walked out less-than-pleased. Some things needed fine-tuning. The pre-show featuring the peppy sales robot The X-S 2000 Technobotic Presentation Unit (voiced by Phil Hartman) was...how do we put this...too NICE...too cheery. In short, his demeanor wasn't adequately preparing guests for the scares of the main show. (I've read from various different sources that the official name for the 1994 robot is the Technobotic Oratorical Mechanism 2000, but every recording of the original version I've found the robot only refers to itself as The X-S 2000 Technobotic Presentation Unit.). The figure itself was a rebuild of Mr. Johnson from Mission to Mars (apparently half of the figure was the old Mr. Johnson).

The events of the pre-show (and even most of the robot's dialogue) would remain the same, but Tim Curry would be re-cast in the role and The X-S 2000 Technobotic Presentation Unit would be re-named to Simulated Intelligence Robotics, S.I.R for short. S.I.R, with the help of Curry's pitch-perfect line delivery added just the right sinister tone of menace that Eisner was looking for. The main show itself was too serious, too dark. It also would need some tweaking. The main show would retain it's dark edge, but some sardonic wit would be inserted, the middle portion featuring an unlucky engineer would be slightly lengthened (in the new version, the overhead screens would be utilized, giving the guests a short reprieve from the terrors of the dark), and the ending would be changed from retrieving the unhappy chairman to focusing on inadvertently exploding the alien menace. Finally, The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter would officially be unleashed upon an unsuspecting public on June 20, 1995.

The story for the attraction was one of the most well-developed in the history of the Disney parks. With me as your guide, let's take a stroll through The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter. Heavy spoilers lie ahead. In a corner of Tomorrowland sits The Tomorrowland Interplanetary Convention Center, where various companies from across the galaxy showcase their latest products and inventions. The one currently occupying the space has something special to show you, something that might just change your life. Allow me to be the first to welcome you, weary travelers, to the great, big universe of X-S! 

X-S Tech is the galaxy's leader in innovative high technology and sophisticated technology. X-S Tech started as one small manufacturing plant on a planet far from Earth (80 light years from Earth, or 469 trillion 255 billion 680 million miles) and has now grown into the largest consumer-oriented research and development company in the universe. X-S Tech is number one in Electro Robotics, Cryo Cybernetics, Techno Surveillance, Planetary Restructuring, Genetic Engineering, and Hyperspatial Transport. L.C. Clench (Jeffrey Jones) is the current chairman of the company. His favorite motto is this: "If something can't be done with X-S, then it shouldn't be done at all." X-S Tech's official slogan is "We're Seizing the Future". 

X-S has arrived at The Tomorrowland Interplanetary Convention Center to demonstrate their newest technological invention: The X-S Series 1000, the first in a complete line of personal and commercial teleportation systems. Needless to say, X-S Tech isn't quite as beneficent as it would have us believe it is. In truth, X-S is a company that puts profits over people and safety. The name of the company itself (Excess tech) literally means too much technology and the attraction pokes fun at the way corporations think and operate. In the first room, guests are treated to a brief corporate video introducing them to X-S tech and what lies in store for them in the rooms ahead.

In the second-room, guests/future consumers are given a short demonstration of X-S teleportation technology by S.I.R and "lower life form"/adorable innocent alien Skippy (the official name of his species is a Floof McGoon Cliffhanger). In the original pre-show, the X-S 2000 Technobotic Presentation Unit chooses to continually up the power of the X-S Series 1000 in order to bean Skippy from one teleportation tube to the other, resulting in poor Skippy getting fried/burned (though remaining alive). In the second version of the pre-show, Skippy gets fried/burned purely from some fault with the process. S.I.R has a much harsher demeanor towards Skippy, and after the botched demonstration S.I.R indefinitely suspends Skippy's molecules (meaning poor Skippy is essentially killed).  

In the main chamber, guests take their seats and are introduced to X-S Management Supervisor Spidlock (Kevin Pollack)  and his assistant Dr. Feemis (Kathy Najimy). Much like the old Mission to Mars attraction, this is a theater-in-the-round show. On the walls are two large screens where Spidlock and Feemis broadcast a live tele-feed/Hyperlink from the X-S tech home planet to Earth. In the center of the room is a large and intimidating metallic glass tube. This is the teleportation tube. 

As our two hosts bicker, overhead restraints lower over our heads. This is where and how the magic happens. The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter was an attraction that mainly used binaural audio and some physical special effects (like water to simulate breaking glass and spit, warm air to stand in for the alien's breath, and a bouncing head restraint meant to mimic the Alien landing on top of you) all of which occur in near-total darkness. The overhead restraint and chair you sit in house the binaural audio and above-stated physical effects.

X-S Tech's idea is to scan the audience for a guest who has the right biology for transportation. Said guest would then be transported to X-S Tech's home planet where Spidlock, Feemis, and Clench would subject them to a sales pitch. Before the unlucky guest can be teleported, though, Chairman Clench barges in demanding the demonstration be halted (much to the relief of Dr. Feemis, who is well-aware of the X-S Series 1000 limitations and malfunctions. She is the only one with any morals or ethics whatsoever). Clench had been "seized" with a new idea: Why not teleport himself down to Earth instead, so he can give his sales pitch to the entire theater. Before Dr. Feemis can lock-on to the tube's coordinates on Earth and panicked Spidlock responds to the impatient chairman by initiating the teleportation process. Unfortunately for everyone, a rogue planet gets in the way of the transmission path, resulting in Chairman Clench getting lost. 

Dr. Feemis scans the planet and discovers an organism that might be Clench, but before she can confirm, Spidlock re-initiates the teleportation process sending whatever the organism is into our theater. Bad news: It isn't Clench. It's a flying, carnivorous alien. Worse: It's angry. Everyone in the theater is in great danger. 

The alien shatters the "unbreakable" teleportation tube, and Dr. Feemis activates a force field meant to contain the alien. Unfortunately, the X-S Series 1000 and the tech that went into crafting this theater wasn't meant to take such abuse, and the power goes out. With the power, so goes the lights and the force field, our only means of protection. The force field down, the Alien is able to escape into the theater and terrorize the guests.  

A hapless mechanic is sent in to restore power to the theater and the tube. He's able to reconnect a cable, but is eaten shortly afterwards by the Alien, his blood showering down onto the guests below. The room returns to darkness, ending the brief respite from the Alien's horrors. After another minute or so of pure terror, Dr. Feemis hits upon a solution. The Alien is drawn to sound. 

Power is suddenly restored (looks like the doomed mechanic managed to save the day before he became Alien chow), and Dr. Feemis screams into the theater's speakers, luring the Alien back into the tube where the force field traps it once again. With no time to lose, Dr. Feemis and Spinlock boost the power to the theater's tube so they can quickly teleport the Alien away. The Alien proves unequipped to handle so much power and explodes right as Spinlock and Dr. Feemis close the tube, but not before guests are blasted with water meant to represent the Alien's guts.  In the original version of the show, the Alien is successfully teleported away and Clench is beamed into our tube where he can be heard yelling in anger as guests leave. The final version of Alien Encounter ends with the Alien exploding and the fate of Chairman Clench remains uncertain.

The video portions of The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter were directed by Jerry Rees, who also directed other Disney attractions like 'Back to Neverland' (the short starring Robin Williams that would play before guests entered The Art of Animation), 'Cranium Command', the pre-show for 'Dinosaur'/'Countdown to Extinction', 'Sounds Dangerous Starring Drew Carrey', The pre-show for 'Rockin' Roller Coaster', and 'CineMagique' for Disneyland Paris. He also directed several full-length theatrical films: 'The Brave Little Toaster', 'The Marrying Man', and 'Susie's Hope'. It is unknown who wrote the script for the attraction. Kevin Rafferty, Daniel Molitor, and Mike West acted as some of the show writers.

The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter was the scariest attraction at the Walt Disney World resort for less than a decade. Parents and regular guests lobbed complaints about the attraction's intensity, even though there were numerous signs posted outside the building blatantly stating that Alien Encounter was going to be very scary. I only got to experience it once in 2002 or 2003, and my memories of it aren't quite as clear as I would prefer. I remember some of the pre-show (mostly Skippy) and the portion of the main show featuring the unlucky mechanic. I was twelve or thirteen at the time, and the attraction had me screaming and crying in the theater. It was traumatic but memorable. 

Unfortunately, The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter was never going to last forever. It's fear factor alone would inevitably seal it's fate in due time, plus it was apparently expensive to run. (not to mention Jeffrey Jones would be arrested in November 2002 on charges of possessing Child Sexual Abuse Material/Child Porn). On October 12, 2003 The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter would cease terrifying and traumatizing guests forever. It lasted close to eight years. This isn't the end of our tale, though.

On June 21, 2002 American audiences were introduced to an adorably destructive blue alien called Stitch. Disney went all-in on the Stitch hype train and would re-theme The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter to a Stitch themed show. Stitch's Great Escape would open on November 16, 2004 to even more hatred than Alien Encounter had received. The story this time involved guests entering the Galactic Federation Prisoner Teleport Center to be trained as security guards. In the middle of training, The Galactic Federation captures Stitch and beams him down for us to keep watch over him as he's processed. Stitch escapes, managing to obliterate at least half of the theater/recruits before hi-tailing it to The Magic Kingdom. 

S.I.R, Skippy, and Scruffy remained for the pre-show, but S.I.R was given a make-over and a fat-suit being turned into the useless SARGE who was supposed to over-see our training until Stitch requires a change in plans. Luckily, Skippy and Scruffy make it out to see the next day in this downgrade.The main theater remains mostly unchanged. There's still the teleportation tube in the middle with screens placed around the theater. There's still the lowering head restraints. There's still warm air to simulate breath, water to simulate spit, and the head restraints still bounce to simulate Stitch jumping on us. 

Added are two impressive-looking cannons which swivel around the theater and inadvertently blast at guests/recruits due to Stitch's mayhem, as well as an incredibly unpleasant chili dog burp scent which was foul enough to make any one sick to their stomach. In a weird way, Stitch's Great Escape was much meaner and crueler than The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter ever was. Stitch's Great Escape used Stitch to lure unsuspecting families in, only to confront them with Experiment 626, who's main goal is to murder those assigned to keep watch over him (He spits on recruits so the cannons will gun them down). True, Stitch's Great Escape was heavily watered down in an attempt to cater towards families but most of the show still took place in near-total darkness. Those in charge would eventually have to shorten the portions that took place in the dark, but it still wasn't enough for families not to be terrified. For most, this cheap re-tooling amounted to a mean-spirited bait-and-switch. 

I am gifted to be able to say I am a part of the history of The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter, albeit tangentially so. In August 2015, I was hired by Walt Disney World to work three attractions in Tomorrowland: The Astro Orbiter, The Peoplemover, and Stitch's Great Escape. A decent amount of Alien Encounter remained for Stitch. I already listed some remnants in the previous paragraph, but here are some others I saw for myself: X-S Tech branding can still clearly be seen in the hallway leading to the main theaters and on the teleportation tube in the main theater, the covers for seats that are broken bear an X-S logo and say Temporarily Seized (yes, these seat covers were originally used for Alien Encounter),  the ambient noise that plays in the main theater before the start of a show is a direct left-over from Alien Encounter, as is the wires leading to the teleportation tube shaking as Stitch is teleported to us. Having worked the show for a good three months, I can say with confidence that Stitch's Great Escape sucked. 

When all the technical elements were working as they were supposed to (which wasn't often), the show could be visually appealing. The two cannons swinging wildly around the theater while firing at guests always looked cool. The use of bursts of fog was also a cool element. The Stitch AA was also far more realistic and impressive than the AA for the Alien ever was. Stitch's Great Escape was always a production that was better to sit back and watch than it was to get strapped in and experience for yourself. Most agree it was a failure. I would have to concur. Luckily, Stitch would be forced to cease his antics for good on January 6, 2018. This means Stitch would go uncaptured for close to fourteen years, outliving Alien Encounter by around six years. How unfair.

Today, the building that housed The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter and Stitch's Great Escape sits unused. The large, intimidating silver doors still stand, waiting to open once again for a new attraction. A Cast Member station stands near-by, covered up. This is where Cast Members would voice announcements and safety spiels for both attractions, as well as control when those doors would open and etc. It's too much to hope for a new take on Alien Encounter. The Disney of today is very risk-averse and has fully embraced their agreed upon perception as a place for kids. 

Never again will we see a truly frightening attraction like Alien Encounter, or even something along those lines. I'm not even sure what could realistically go into that space today. There were rumors of a Wreck-It-Ralph attraction replacing Stitch, but that speculation has died away. The sad reality is that building may remain empty forever. A sad waste of what could be very good space. 

The least they could do is put up some posters advertising The Tomorrowland Interplanetary Convention Center, maybe showcase some fictional past exhibits (including X-S Tech's botched teleportation demonstration) as well as never-to-be future exhibits. The only issue with this it might get guests excited for the building to re-open, which it likely never will. The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter remains the scariest attraction ever brought to life. Those who were lucky enough to experience Alien Encounter first-hand, as well as those fortunate enough to have worked the attraction (and Stitch as well), will carry with them the memories of the screams of frightened children forever. 

Here is a link to an article by Jim Hill on the History of Alien Encounter if you still want to know more: The ExtraTERRORestrial Files - Jim Hill Media 

  

UNDERTONE UNDERWHELMS

 Evie is stuck caring for her dying mom while attempting to record her paranormal podcast with co-host Justin. They are sent a series of audio recordings from an anonymous email, and as Evie listens to the recordings over multiple days or weeks, odd things begin to happen around the house. When Justin and her reach the final recording, all hell will break loose.

A modern-day Paranormal Activity with a great gimmick. Unfortunately,  terrible pacing and poor direction de-rail what could otherwise have been a worthy entry into acoustic horror. The cinematography and sound design are strong, but this flick splits its time up between our lead taking care of her near-death mom and recording her audio podcast. Her day-to-day duties involving her mom are uninteresting and most of the scary things that occur involve a water faucet turning itself on or her mom appearing to say prayers (which shouldn’t be possible considering her condition). 

There are enough freaky or creepy moments here that a viewing (or a listen) isn’t a total waste. The audio recordings our protagonists are sent starting to slowly correlate to what’s going on with our lead actress is certainly concerning enough, and the final minutes of pure auditory chaos is pretty cool. As far as actors go, Adam DiMarco as Justin is the stand-out. He only ever appears as a voice but he fully and believably inhabits his role. This should have been exceptional, unfortunately it’s only average. See it in a theatre at matinee price or wait till you can stream it with headphones on.

3 STARS

LET'S TALK ABOUT THE OSCARS

 Let's chat about some of the Oscar wins/losses.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Thrilled to see Amy Madigan win this. An incredibly deserved win and a fantastic start to the night. What an acceptance speech as well!

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: Mr. Nobody Against Putin won this one, and it's definitely a doc I would like to see. The acceptance speech was an all-timer.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE: KPop Demon Hunters won. Total slop won. So disappointing. This is the only other animated film this year I was unable to finish. I get what it's going for, but so many other films have tackled the same exact themes and messages in such a profound, better, and more meaningful way. Just a very basic film and a disappointing choice. Let's be real, the only reason this won was for Korean representation. Also really funny when one of the winners said something about how this is for everyone who never thought they'd see people that look like them on screen. Like, A. This is an ANIMATED film. B. Have you seriously never heard of Crazy Rich Asians, Crazy Rich Asians 2, Parasite, etc? Seriously, shut the fuck up.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG: Golden won this, undeservedly so. You can't look me in the eye and tell me this basic-ass song from a basic-ass film was better than 'I Lied to You'. Once again, the ONLY reason this won is because of KPop representation (as in the music genre, not the film). 

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Sean Penn nabbed the win, but I'm not upset about it. He played the best villain of last year. Just wish he was a better sport about the whole thing. Penn didn't even have the decency to make an appearance at any of the awards shows, including the Oscars. What an asshole.

BEST DIRECTOR: Paul Thomas Anderson is finally recognized for the talent that he is. He wasn't my personal pick, but that doesn't change the fact that this was a long time coming. A very well-deserved win.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: ^ ^ ^ ^  See above  ^ ^ ^ ^

BEST INTERNATIONAL FEATURE FILM: Sentimental Value finally gets its flowers. Certainly not the most important, pertinent, or timely film in the category but absolutely the best. Consider me happy.

BEST ACTOR: And now we arrive at the biggest controversy of the night - Michael B. Jordan winning Best Actor. Oh boy, where do I start. Michael, I'm going to let you finish, but my boy Timothee Chalamet was the best leading male performance last year. Let's count the reasons why MBJ won... 1. Timothee kept saying stupid, controversial ish during the press rounds. 2. MBJ played two roles in one film (unconvincingly, if you ask me. I had trouble telling the two apart most of the time). 3. MBJ is black. Yeah, I said it. His skin color was absolutely one of the deciding factors that went into him winning the award. I don't mean to sound racist, but the truth is the truth. Decades (if not shorter than that) later, we're all going to look back at this win and be pissed. The most undeserved and unearned win of the night. I'm so sorry, Chalamet. The Oscars did you dirty. What a bunch of stupid fucking assholes.

BEST PICTURE: One Battle After Another wins. At least The Academy got this award correct. Lots of people pissed that Sinners lost (seems to be mostly black people. Gosh, I wonder why?), but OBAA really is the superior movie. Sinners was a phenomenal, fantastic movie but OBAA was the better of the two. Plus, it was more timely and pertinent to what's going on in our world right now. 

I have to mention Javier Bardem going on to announce Best International Feature Film and refusing to mince words. Right out the gate, wasting zero time, he says: "No more wars. Free Palestine." So fucking cool. A+

Kumail Nanjiani wins for best presenter speech. He presented the award for Best Live Action Short Film and had one of the rare hilarious bits. His whole schtick was about how films are too long, and he came up with ideas for titles for shorter films, for example: One Battle After Another would be One Battle. "You just get one." Hilarious stuff. Even funnier when the award was a tie, leading Nanjiani to quip that it's ironic that Live Action Short Film is going to be twice as long. Maybe he should be the host for next year?

The Bridesmaid reunion was a bit much, but Melissa McCarthy managed to mostly salvage it with some superior comedic timing and genuinely funny bits. 

Conan was a great host as usual. His opening and closing skits were absolute all-timers. Seeing him become Aunt Gladys and then be disposed of Sean Penn style after the show was over was freaking hilarious.

LET'S GO TO THE HOP WITH HOPPERS

In Hoppers, rebellious nineteen year old Mabel is on a quest to save her beloved glen from the careless mayor Jerry. When she stumbles upon secretive "Hopper" tech developed by her college, she decides to use it as a way to turn the tide in her favor. Unfortunately, her best-laid plans go disastrously awry putting mayor Jerry and all of her town's inhabitants at risk. Now, Mabel and her small crew of animal friends will have to fight if they're going to save their glen and the town's population.   

The best original movie Pixar has made in eleven years. The humor is weird but funny, our cast of animals are cute as heck (You gotta love King George), the third act is unhinged, and there is plenty of heart throughout. It’s very cool our heroine is nineteen years old. It’s unexpected, but appreciated. 

The voice cast is strong. The stand-outs are Piper Curda as Mabel, Bobby Moynihan as King George, Kathy Najimy as Dr. Sam, Jon Hamm as Mayor Jerry, and Dave Franco as Titus. Jesse Andrews (Me and Earl and the Dying Girl, Every Day, Luca) is the sole credited screenwriter. His work here is strong. Daniel Chong (Creator of We Bare Bears) directs and does a very solid job. 

The main villain isn’t who you would expect, and how he looks in the third act is actually frightening. It feels like it’s been forever since we’ve had a fantastic villain in a Disney/Pixar film, and we finally get one here. The message is great as well, but isn’t what most will walk away remembering from this. A feel-good, highly entertaining flick that doesn’t always go where you would expect it to. PIXAR IS BACK!!!

4.5 STARS

"WUTHERING HEIGHTS" DESERVES TO BE IN QUOTATION MARKS

 An interesting but loose adaptation of the unforgettable novel that favors style and sexuality over accuracy and faithfulness (It literally opens with a man getting a boner from being hanged to death). It gets some things right, but most things wrong. It adapts scenes from the novel or lines of dialogue well enough, but gets the overall story or meaning of the whole thing wrong. 

The characters’ personalities are mostly faithful, and it ALMOST gets the relationship between Heathcliff and Catherine correct until they fuck like rabbits later on. This is a complete misunderstanding of the novel as the whole point of their love is that it is unrequited. As far as I recall, H&C never even kiss in the source material. It’s the pain of never getting to be together, physically or otherwise, that shapes our two leads and having them “get it on” only dilutes and weakens their relationship. 

All the actors perform their roles superbly. Jacob Elordi as Heathcliff, Margot Robbie as Catherine, Hong Chau as Nelly, and Shazad Latif all impress. The cinematography by Linus Sandgren, score by Anthony Willis, production design by Suzie Davies (with set decoration by Charlotte Dirickx), costume design by Jacqueline Durran, and the vibrant colors are all intoxicating and easily sweep you away into Emerald Fennell’s lush world.

It’s a shame this isn’t really the novel. As is, it only resembles Wuthering Heights, but Wuthering Heights this is not. Let’s call it Withering Heights. Fennell’s version of the timeless story is not without its charms and merits, but fans of the source material will surely be disappointed. All that said, this is likely Fennell’s most accessible film to date as the sexuality is more-so implied than thrown in your face (for example: there is no nudity). In the end, if this gets more people to check out the novel, I suppose it’s worth it.

2.5 STARS

DON'T GET MARRIED TO THE BRIDE!

 In The Bride!, a dead Mary Shelley yearns to create a sequel to Frankenstein, and so partially possesses and kills escort Ida. Shortly afterwards, Frankenstein’s creature/Frank arrives in Chicago looking to re-animate a corpse and make it his bride. He enlists the help of Dr. Cordelia Euphronious, and together they dig up a corpse which just so happens to be Ida, bringing her back to life. When Frank brutally murders two men who were attempting to rape Ida, both go on the run from the law. Along for the pursuit are a detective and his secretary, and mob underlings sent to silence Ida. 

Jessie Buckley stars as Ida/Penelope/Penny/The Bride. Yes, Mary Shelley continues to partially possess her for the entirety of the film, leading to some painful and cringe outbursts as Ida waffles between two personalities. Buckley is the absolute worst, so much so that it makes you question her frontrunner status for Best Actress. 

Christian Bale puts on a good performance as Frankenstein/Frank. He is essentially the creature from the classic novel. In The Bride!, he has developed a love for film and dancing. Movie theaters are featured prominently throughout, though there is no deeper meaning to their usage and nothing really comes from it. There are also several dance sequences in The Bride!, including one (bafflingly) set to ‘Puttin’ on the Ritz’ which involves possession, an ability Frank only acquires for this one scene and goes unexplained. Bale brings some gravitas and pathos to his portrayal of Frank and is one of the only bright spots in the movie.

Peter Sarsgaard plays Jake Wiles, a determined and well-meaning detective who knew Ida before she died. He’s another bright spot. He’s likable enough and his sub-plot is fine, though it goes nowhere in the end, he serves very little purpose, and is even carelessly discarded at the beginning of the third act. His friendship with his secretary played by Penelope Cruz is cute, though she proves to be every bit as useless as he is, if not more so, by the end. 

Annette Bening plays Dr. Cordelia Euphronious, author of Event Horizon. Against her better judgement, she gets involved in the story of Frank and The Bride out of what appears to be a scientific curiosity. She isn’t given much to do, but makes an impression regardless.

The Bride! is written and directed by Maggie Gyllenhaal (the film even features Jake Gyllenhaal in a memorable supporting role). The screenplay is simply atrocious and bad. Gyllenhaal also fails to impress as director. It doesn’t take long at all for her to lose total control of her movie.

The Bride! is a wild, crazed sequel to Frankenstein with heavy Feminist overtones (the crimes of our duo inspires women all over the country to dress up like The Bride and commit similar crimes, another subplot that, once again, goes nowhere). The creativity on display is without boundaries, but this means there is also zero focus. This flick comes speeding at you and either you jump on board or are flattened like a pancake. It’s a hard one to keep up with.

The Bride! is overflowing with ideas (some interesting, some not-so-much), but every one of them falls flat and isn’t followed up on or explored. While you have to give credit for the insane creativity on display, The Bride! is a mess. It feels like Maggie Gyllenhaal’s take on Poor Things, a lesser take. The Bride! amounts to a gigantic, visually appealing/pretty, and very silly train wreck that wears out its welcome well before the end credits roll.

2 STARS

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24. The Fantastic Four: First Steps

23. Friendship

22. Little Amelie or The Character of Rain

21. The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Loony Tunes Movie

20. The Lost Bus

19. Hamnet

18. Frankenstein

17. Jay Kelly

16. Companion

15. No Other Choice

14. The Long Walk

13. F1

12. If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

11. The Voice of Hind Rajab

10. Bring Her Back

9. The Life of Chuck

8. Wake Up Dead Man

7. Train Dreams

6. Weapons

5. Warfare

4. Sinners

3. Sentimental Value

2. Marty Supreme

1. One Battle After Another