GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN: The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter

 The Walt Disney World of today seems to have seriously lost its way. The Streets of America, Muppet*Vision 3-D, The Rivers of America, Tom Sawyer Island, Splash Mountain, The Fountain of Nations, and many other beloved attractions and areas have all been bulldozed in the name of "progress". Yes, yes...to live in the modern day and to think about Walt Disney World is to feel a pit open up in the bottom of your stomach. So, why not travel back to a better time for the parks? 

A time when Walt Disney World was the big cheese in Orlando and wasn't afraid to innovate and take risks. A time we call THE 90's. So precious little of the Walt Disney World of that era remains today, but that doesn't mean, with the help of some imagination, we can't rewind the years and take a fond look back at those halcyon years. Today, we travel back to the distant year of 1994 to examine one of the riskiest and scariest attractions Walt Disney World ever created: The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter.

Michael Eisner and Frank Wells became the CEOs of The Walt Disney Company in September, 1984. Both would oversee a period of rejuvenation for the company's animation and theme parks divisions. In the late 80s and early 90s, Eisner began to grow worried about the public perception of Walt Disney World and Disneyland. He feared that most saw the Disney parks as a place for children, leaving teens to avoid the theme parks. 

It didn't help that Eisner's teenage son, Breck, seemed to agree that the parks were "lame". In an effort to revitalize the brand, Eisner and the Disney Imagineers began to toy with concepts for an older teen demographic. A partnership between Disney and George Lucas birthed Star Tours; a motion-simulator themed around the Star Wars films. Star Tours would quickly become massively popular, leading it to be cloned for The Disney MGM Studios theme park in Orlando, Florida. 

Hoping to recreate the success of Star Tours, Michael Eisner set the Imagineers, the team of Lucas, Senior Vice president of Theme Park Productions Tom Fitzgerald, and Senior VP in charge of Creative Development Eric Jacobson to the task of creating a frightening attraction for the Tomorrowland in Disneyland (apparently George Lucas was barely involved in the creation of the attraction, only attending a grand total of one brainstorming meeting.). Eventually, the idea would be moved to Walt Disney World. One rumor is that originally the attraction was meant to be a shooter dark ride aboard the Nostromo from Alien. While this was a blue sky concept, according to Imagineers this was a separate idea unrelated to Alien Encounter. Meanwhile, over at Magic Kingdom's Tomorrowland, the old Mission to Mars attraction was badly in need of updating. This theater-in-the-round show took guests on a brief flight to Mars. 

The theater featured screens on the sides of the theater and in the center on the bottom of the floor. The attraction had originally opened on December 24, 1971 as Flight to the Moon. Flight to the Moon closed on April 15, 1975 and would re-open on March 21, 1975 as Mission to Mars. Clearly, Mission to Mars had aged greatly over the course of its decade-plus operation. It was badly in need of a re-tool and re-imagining. 

The Alien Encounter team saw the aging attraction as the perfect spot for their next horrifying creation. In 1987, Tom Fitzgerald delivered the first pitch for the attraction that would go on to become Alien Encounter. Tom Mission to Mars would close on November 2, 1992 for something a little more out-of-this-world. The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter would soft open on December 16, 1994. Sadly, Eisner's business partner Frank Wells wouldn't live to see Spielberg's, Lucas' and the Imagineers thrilling new addition. Wells would tragically die in a helicopter crash on April 3, 1994.

Even with the soft opening, The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter was far from out of the weeds. During a preview of the attraction, Michael Eisner walked out less-than-pleased. Some things needed fine-tuning. The pre-show featuring the peppy sales robot The X-S 2000 Technobotic Presentation Unit (voiced by Phil Hartman) was...how do we put this...too NICE...too cheery. In short, his demeanor wasn't adequately preparing guests for the scares of the main show. (I've read from various different sources that the official name for the 1994 robot is the Technobotic Oratorical Mechanism 2000, but every recording of the original version I've found the robot only refers to itself as The X-S 2000 Technobotic Presentation Unit.). The figure itself was a rebuild of Mr. Johnson from Mission to Mars (apparently half of the figure was the old Mr. Johnson).

The events of the pre-show (and even most of the robot's dialogue) would remain the same, but Tim Curry would be re-cast in the role and The X-S 2000 Technobotic Presentation Unit would be re-named to Simulated Intelligence Robotics, S.I.R for short. S.I.R, with the help of Curry's pitch-perfect line delivery added just the right sinister tone of menace that Eisner was looking for. The main show itself was too serious, too dark. It also would need some tweaking. The main show would retain it's dark edge, but some sardonic wit would be inserted, the middle portion featuring an unlucky engineer would be slightly lengthened (in the new version, the overhead screens would be utilized, giving the guests a short reprieve from the terrors of the dark), and the ending would be changed from retrieving the unhappy chairman to focusing on inadvertently exploding the alien menace. Finally, The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter would officially be unleashed upon an unsuspecting public on June 20, 1995.

The story for the attraction was one of the most well-developed in the history of the Disney parks. With me as your guide, let's take a stroll through The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter. Heavy spoilers lie ahead. In a corner of Tomorrowland sits The Tomorrowland Interplanetary Convention Center, where various companies from across the galaxy showcase their latest products and inventions. The one currently occupying the space has something special to show you, something that might just change your life. Allow me to be the first to welcome you, weary travelers, to the great, big universe of X-S! 

X-S Tech is the galaxy's leader in innovative high technology and sophisticated technology. X-S Tech started as one small manufacturing plant on a planet far from Earth (80 light years from Earth, or 469 trillion 255 billion 680 million miles) and has now grown into the largest consumer-oriented research and development company in the universe. X-S Tech is number one in Electro Robotics, Cryo Cybernetics, Techno Surveillance, Planetary Restructuring, Genetic Engineering, and Hyperspatial Transport. L.C. Clench (Jeffrey Jones) is the current chairman of the company. His favorite motto is this: "If something can't be done with X-S, then it shouldn't be done at all." X-S Tech's official slogan is "We're Seizing the Future". 

X-S has arrived at The Tomorrowland Interplanetary Convention Center to demonstrate their newest technological invention: The X-S Series 1000, the first in a complete line of personal and commercial teleportation systems. Needless to say, X-S Tech isn't quite as beneficent as it would have us believe it is. In truth, X-S is a company that puts profits over people and safety. The name of the company itself (Excess tech) literally means too much technology and the attraction pokes fun at the way corporations think and operate. In the first room, guests are treated to a brief corporate video introducing them to X-S tech and what lies in store for them in the rooms ahead.

In the second-room, guests/future consumers are given a short demonstration of X-S teleportation technology by S.I.R and "lower life form"/adorable innocent alien Skippy (the official name of his species is a Floof McGoon Cliffhanger). In the original pre-show, the X-S 2000 Technobotic Presentation Unit chooses to continually up the power of the X-S Series 1000 in order to bean Skippy from one teleportation tube to the other, resulting in poor Skippy getting fried/burned (though remaining alive). In the second version of the pre-show, Skippy gets fried/burned purely from some fault with the process. S.I.R has a much harsher demeanor towards Skippy, and after the botched demonstration S.I.R indefinitely suspends Skippy's molecules (meaning poor Skippy is essentially killed).  

In the main chamber, guests take their seats and are introduced to X-S Management Supervisor Spidlock (Kevin Pollack)  and his assistant Dr. Feemis (Kathy Najimy). Much like the old Mission to Mars attraction, this is a theater-in-the-round show. On the walls are two large screens where Spidlock and Feemis broadcast a live tele-feed/Hyperlink from the X-S tech home planet to Earth. In the center of the room is a large and intimidating metallic glass tube. This is the teleportation tube. 

As our two hosts bicker, overhead restraints lower over our heads. This is where and how the magic happens. The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter was an attraction that mainly used binaural audio and some physical special effects (like water to simulate breaking glass and spit, warm air to stand in for the alien's breath, and a bouncing head restraint meant to mimic the Alien landing on top of you) all of which occur in near-total darkness. The overhead restraint and chair you sit in house the binaural audio and above-stated physical effects.

X-S Tech's idea is to scan the audience for a guest who has the right biology for transportation. Said guest would then be transported to X-S Tech's home planet where Spidlock, Feemis, and Clench would subject them to a sales pitch. Before the unlucky guest can be teleported, though, Chairman Clench barges in demanding the demonstration be halted (much to the relief of Dr. Feemis, who is well-aware of the X-S Series 1000 limitations and malfunctions. She is the only one with any morals or ethics whatsoever). Clench had been "seized" with a new idea: Why not teleport himself down to Earth instead, so he can give his sales pitch to the entire theater. Before Dr. Feemis can lock-on to the tube's coordinates on Earth and panicked Spidlock responds to the impatient chairman by initiating the teleportation process. Unfortunately for everyone, a rogue planet gets in the way of the transmission path, resulting in Chairman Clench getting lost. 

Dr. Feemis scans the planet and discovers an organism that might be Clench, but before she can confirm, Spidlock re-initiates the teleportation process sending whatever the organism is into our theater. Bad news: It isn't Clench. It's a flying, carnivorous alien. Worse: It's angry. Everyone in the theater is in great danger. 

The alien shatters the "unbreakable" teleportation tube, and Dr. Feemis activates a force field meant to contain the alien. Unfortunately, the X-S Series 1000 and the tech that went into crafting this theater wasn't meant to take such abuse, and the power goes out. With the power, so goes the lights and the force field, our only means of protection. The force field down, the Alien is able to escape into the theater and terrorize the guests.  

A hapless mechanic is sent in to restore power to the theater and the tube. He's able to reconnect a cable, but is eaten shortly afterwards by the Alien, his blood showering down onto the guests below. The room returns to darkness, ending the brief respite from the Alien's horrors. After another minute or so of pure terror, Dr. Feemis hits upon a solution. The Alien is drawn to sound. 

Power is suddenly restored (looks like the doomed mechanic managed to save the day before he became Alien chow), and Dr. Feemis screams into the theater's speakers, luring the Alien back into the tube where the force field traps it once again. With no time to lose, Dr. Feemis and Spinlock boost the power to the theater's tube so they can quickly teleport the Alien away. The Alien proves unequipped to handle so much power and explodes right as Spinlock and Dr. Feemis close the tube, but not before guests are blasted with water meant to represent the Alien's guts.  In the original version of the show, the Alien is successfully teleported away and Clench is beamed into our tube where he can be heard yelling in anger as guests leave. The final version of Alien Encounter ends with the Alien exploding and the fate of Chairman Clench remains uncertain.

The video portions of The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter were directed by Jerry Rees, who also directed other Disney attractions like 'Back to Neverland' (the short starring Robin Williams that would play before guests entered The Art of Animation), 'Cranium Command', the pre-show for 'Dinosaur'/'Countdown to Extinction', 'Sounds Dangerous Starring Drew Carrey', The pre-show for 'Rockin' Roller Coaster', and 'CineMagique' for Disneyland Paris. He also directed several full-length theatrical films: 'The Brave Little Toaster', 'The Marrying Man', and 'Susie's Hope'. It is unknown who wrote the script for the attraction. Kevin Rafferty, Daniel Molitor, and Mike West acted as some of the show writers.

The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter was the scariest attraction at the Walt Disney World resort for less than a decade. Parents and regular guests lobbed complaints about the attraction's intensity, even though there were numerous signs posted outside the building blatantly stating that Alien Encounter was going to be very scary. I only got to experience it once in 2002 or 2003, and my memories of it aren't quite as clear as I would prefer. I remember some of the pre-show (mostly Skippy) and the portion of the main show featuring the unlucky mechanic. I was twelve or thirteen at the time, and the attraction had me screaming and crying in the theater. It was traumatic but memorable. 

Unfortunately, The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter was never going to last forever. It's fear factor alone would inevitably seal it's fate in due time, plus it was apparently expensive to run. (not to mention Jeffrey Jones would be arrested in November 2002 on charges of possessing Child Sexual Abuse Material/Child Porn). On October 12, 2003 The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter would cease terrifying and traumatizing guests forever. It lasted close to eight years. This isn't the end of our tale, though.

On June 21, 2002 American audiences were introduced to an adorably destructive blue alien called Stitch. Disney went all-in on the Stitch hype train and would re-theme The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter to a Stitch themed show. Stitch's Great Escape would open on November 16, 2004 to even more hatred than Alien Encounter had received. The story this time involved guests entering the Galactic Federation Prisoner Teleport Center to be trained as security guards. In the middle of training, The Galactic Federation captures Stitch and beams him down for us to keep watch over him as he's processed. Stitch escapes, managing to obliterate at least half of the theater/recruits before hi-tailing it to The Magic Kingdom. 

S.I.R, Skippy, and Scruffy remained for the pre-show, but S.I.R was given a make-over and a fat-suit being turned into the useless SARGE who was supposed to over-see our training until Stitch requires a change in plans. Luckily, Skippy and Scruffy make it out to see the next day in this downgrade.The main theater remains mostly unchanged. There's still the teleportation tube in the middle with screens placed around the theater. There's still the lowering head restraints. There's still warm air to simulate breath, water to simulate spit, and the head restraints still bounce to simulate Stitch jumping on us. 

Added are two impressive-looking cannons which swivel around the theater and inadvertently blast at guests/recruits due to Stitch's mayhem, as well as an incredibly unpleasant chili dog burp scent which was foul enough to make any one sick to their stomach. In a weird way, Stitch's Great Escape was much meaner and crueler than The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter ever was. Stitch's Great Escape used Stitch to lure unsuspecting families in, only to confront them with Experiment 626, who's main goal is to murder those assigned to keep watch over him (He spits on recruits so the cannons will gun them down). True, Stitch's Great Escape was heavily watered down in an attempt to cater towards families but most of the show still took place in near-total darkness. Those in charge would eventually have to shorten the portions that took place in the dark, but it still wasn't enough for families not to be terrified. For most, this cheap re-tooling amounted to a mean-spirited bait-and-switch. 

I am gifted to be able to say I am a part of the history of The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter, albeit tangentially so. In August 2015, I was hired by Walt Disney World to work three attractions in Tomorrowland: The Astro Orbiter, The Peoplemover, and Stitch's Great Escape. A decent amount of Alien Encounter remained for Stitch. I already listed some remnants in the previous paragraph, but here are some others I saw for myself: X-S Tech branding can still clearly be seen in the hallway leading to the main theaters and on the teleportation tube in the main theater, the covers for seats that are broken bear an X-S logo and say Temporarily Seized (yes, these seat covers were originally used for Alien Encounter),  the ambient noise that plays in the main theater before the start of a show is a direct left-over from Alien Encounter, as is the wires leading to the teleportation tube shaking as Stitch is teleported to us. Having worked the show for a good three months, I can say with confidence that Stitch's Great Escape sucked. 

When all the technical elements were working as they were supposed to (which wasn't often), the show could be visually appealing. The two cannons swinging wildly around the theater while firing at guests always looked cool. The use of bursts of fog was also a cool element. The Stitch AA was also far more realistic and impressive than the AA for the Alien ever was. Stitch's Great Escape was always a production that was better to sit back and watch than it was to get strapped in and experience for yourself. Most agree it was a failure. I would have to concur. Luckily, Stitch would be forced to cease his antics for good on January 6, 2018. This means Stitch would go uncaptured for close to fourteen years, outliving Alien Encounter by around six years. How unfair.

Today, the building that housed The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter and Stitch's Great Escape sits unused. The large, intimidating silver doors still stand, waiting to open once again for a new attraction. A Cast Member station stands near-by, covered up. This is where Cast Members would voice announcements and safety spiels for both attractions, as well as control when those doors would open and etc. It's too much to hope for a new take on Alien Encounter. The Disney of today is very risk-averse and has fully embraced their agreed upon perception as a place for kids. 

Never again will we see a truly frightening attraction like Alien Encounter, or even something along those lines. I'm not even sure what could realistically go into that space today. There were rumors of a Wreck-It-Ralph attraction replacing Stitch, but that speculation has died away. The sad reality is that building may remain empty forever. A sad waste of what could be very good space. 

The least they could do is put up some posters advertising The Tomorrowland Interplanetary Convention Center, maybe showcase some fictional past exhibits (including X-S Tech's botched teleportation demonstration) as well as never-to-be future exhibits. The only issue with this it might get guests excited for the building to re-open, which it likely never will. The ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter remains the scariest attraction ever brought to life. Those who were lucky enough to experience Alien Encounter first-hand, as well as those fortunate enough to have worked the attraction (and Stitch as well), will carry with them the memories of the screams of frightened children forever. 

Here is a link to an article by Jim Hill on the History of Alien Encounter if you still want to know more: The ExtraTERRORestrial Files - Jim Hill Media 

  

UNDERTONE UNDERWHELMS

 Evie is stuck caring for her dying mom while attempting to record her paranormal podcast with co-host Justin. They are sent a series of audio recordings from an anonymous email, and as Evie listens to the recordings over multiple days or weeks, odd things begin to happen around the house. When Justin and her reach the final recording, all hell will break loose.

A modern-day Paranormal Activity with a great gimmick. Unfortunately,  terrible pacing and poor direction de-rail what could otherwise have been a worthy entry into acoustic horror. The cinematography and sound design are strong, but this flick splits its time up between our lead taking care of her near-death mom and recording her audio podcast. Her day-to-day duties involving her mom are uninteresting and most of the scary things that occur involve a water faucet turning itself on or her mom appearing to say prayers (which shouldn’t be possible considering her condition). 

There are enough freaky or creepy moments here that a viewing (or a listen) isn’t a total waste. The audio recordings our protagonists are sent starting to slowly correlate to what’s going on with our lead actress is certainly concerning enough, and the final minutes of pure auditory chaos is pretty cool. As far as actors go, Adam DiMarco as Justin is the stand-out. He only ever appears as a voice but he fully and believably inhabits his role. This should have been exceptional, unfortunately it’s only average. See it in a theatre at matinee price or wait till you can stream it with headphones on.

3 STARS

LET'S TALK ABOUT THE OSCARS

 Let's chat about some of the Oscar wins/losses.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Thrilled to see Amy Madigan win this. An incredibly deserved win and a fantastic start to the night. What an acceptance speech as well!

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: Mr. Nobody Against Putin won this one, and it's definitely a doc I would like to see. The acceptance speech was an all-timer.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE: KPop Demon Hunters won. Total slop won. So disappointing. This is the only other animated film this year I was unable to finish. I get what it's going for, but so many other films have tackled the same exact themes and messages in such a profound, better, and more meaningful way. Just a very basic film and a disappointing choice. Let's be real, the only reason this won was for Korean representation. Also really funny when one of the winners said something about how this is for everyone who never thought they'd see people that look like them on screen. Like, A. This is an ANIMATED film. B. Have you seriously never heard of Crazy Rich Asians, Crazy Rich Asians 2, Parasite, etc? Seriously, shut the fuck up.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG: Golden won this, undeservedly so. You can't look me in the eye and tell me this basic-ass song from a basic-ass film was better than 'I Lied to You'. Once again, the ONLY reason this won is because of KPop representation (as in the music genre, not the film). 

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Sean Penn nabbed the win, but I'm not upset about it. He played the best villain of last year. Just wish he was a better sport about the whole thing. Penn didn't even have the decency to make an appearance at any of the awards shows, including the Oscars. What an asshole.

BEST DIRECTOR: Paul Thomas Anderson is finally recognized for the talent that he is. He wasn't my personal pick, but that doesn't change the fact that this was a long time coming. A very well-deserved win.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: ^ ^ ^ ^  See above  ^ ^ ^ ^

BEST INTERNATIONAL FEATURE FILM: Sentimental Value finally gets its flowers. Certainly not the most important, pertinent, or timely film in the category but absolutely the best. Consider me happy.

BEST ACTOR: And now we arrive at the biggest controversy of the night - Michael B. Jordan winning Best Actor. Oh boy, where do I start. Michael, I'm going to let you finish, but my boy Timothee Chalamet was the best leading male performance last year. Let's count the reasons why MBJ won... 1. Timothee kept saying stupid, controversial ish during the press rounds. 2. MBJ played two roles in one film (unconvincingly, if you ask me. I had trouble telling the two apart most of the time). 3. MBJ is black. Yeah, I said it. His skin color was absolutely one of the deciding factors that went into him winning the award. I don't mean to sound racist, but the truth is the truth. Decades (if not shorter than that) later, we're all going to look back at this win and be pissed. The most undeserved and unearned win of the night. I'm so sorry, Chalamet. The Oscars did you dirty. What a bunch of stupid fucking assholes.

BEST PICTURE: One Battle After Another wins. At least The Academy got this award correct. Lots of people pissed that Sinners lost (seems to be mostly black people. Gosh, I wonder why?), but OBAA really is the superior movie. Sinners was a phenomenal, fantastic movie but OBAA was the better of the two. Plus, it was more timely and pertinent to what's going on in our world right now. 

I have to mention Javier Bardem going on to announce Best International Feature Film and refusing to mince words. Right out the gate, wasting zero time, he says: "No more wars. Free Palestine." So fucking cool. A+

Kumail Nanjiani wins for best presenter speech. He presented the award for Best Live Action Short Film and had one of the rare hilarious bits. His whole schtick was about how films are too long, and he came up with ideas for titles for shorter films, for example: One Battle After Another would be One Battle. "You just get one." Hilarious stuff. Even funnier when the award was a tie, leading Nanjiani to quip that it's ironic that Live Action Short Film is going to be twice as long. Maybe he should be the host for next year?

The Bridesmaid reunion was a bit much, but Melissa McCarthy managed to mostly salvage it with some superior comedic timing and genuinely funny bits. 

Conan was a great host as usual. His opening and closing skits were absolute all-timers. Seeing him become Aunt Gladys and then be disposed of Sean Penn style after the show was over was freaking hilarious.

IT'S TIME TO HOP WITH HOPPERS

In Hoppers, rebellious nineteen year old Mabel is on a quest to save her beloved glen from the careless mayor Jerry. When she stumbles upon secretive "Hopper" tech developed by her college, she decides to use it as a way to turn the tide in her favor. Unfortunately, her best-laid plans go disastrously awry putting mayor Jerry and all of her town's inhabitants at risk. Now, Mabel and her small crew of animal friends will have to fight if they're going to save their glen and the town's population.   

The best original movie Pixar has made in eleven years. The humor is weird but funny, our cast of animals are cute as heck (You gotta love King George), the third act is unhinged, and there is plenty of heart throughout. It’s very cool our heroine is nineteen years old. It’s unexpected, but appreciated. 

The voice cast is strong. The stand-outs are Piper Curda as Mabel, Bobby Moynihan as King George, Kathy Najimy as Dr. Sam, Jon Hamm as Mayor Jerry, and Dave Franco as Titus. Jesse Andrews (Me and Earl and the Dying Girl, Every Day, Luca) is the sole credited screenwriter. His work here is strong. Daniel Chong (Creator of We Bare Bears) directs and does a very solid job. 

The main villain isn’t who you would expect, and how he looks in the third act is actually frightening. It feels like it’s been forever since we’ve had a fantastic villain in a Disney/Pixar film, and we finally get one here. The message is great as well, but isn’t what most will walk away remembering from this. A feel-good, highly entertaining flick that doesn’t always go where you would expect it to. PIXAR IS BACK!!!

4.5 STARS

"WUTHERING HEIGHTS" DESERVES TO BE IN QUOTATION MARKS

 An interesting but loose adaptation of the unforgettable novel that favors style and sexuality over accuracy and faithfulness (It literally opens with a man getting a boner from being hanged to death). It gets some things right, but most things wrong. It adapts scenes from the novel or lines of dialogue well enough, but gets the overall story or meaning of the whole thing wrong. 

The characters’ personalities are mostly faithful, and it ALMOST gets the relationship between Heathcliff and Catherine correct until they fuck like rabbits later on. This is a complete misunderstanding of the novel as the whole point of their love is that it is unrequited. As far as I recall, H&C never even kiss in the source material. It’s the pain of never getting to be together, physically or otherwise, that shapes our two leads and having them “get it on” only dilutes and weakens their relationship. 

All the actors perform their roles superbly. Jacob Elordi as Heathcliff, Margot Robbie as Catherine, Hong Chau as Nelly, and Shazad Latif all impress. The cinematography by Linus Sandgren, score by Anthony Willis, production design by Suzie Davies (with set decoration by Charlotte Dirickx), costume design by Jacqueline Durran, and the vibrant colors are all intoxicating and easily sweep you away into Emerald Fennell’s lush world.

It’s a shame this isn’t really the novel. As is, it only resembles Wuthering Heights, but Wuthering Heights this is not. Let’s call it Withering Heights. Fennell’s version of the timeless story is not without its charms and merits, but fans of the source material will surely be disappointed. All that said, this is likely Fennell’s most accessible film to date as the sexuality is more-so implied than thrown in your face (for example: there is no nudity). In the end, if this gets more people to check out the novel, I suppose it’s worth it.

2.5 STARS

DON'T GET MARRIED TO THE BRIDE!

 In The Bride!, a dead Mary Shelley yearns to create a sequel to Frankenstein, and so partially possesses and kills escort Ida. Shortly afterwards, Frankenstein’s creature/Frank arrives in Chicago looking to re-animate a corpse and make it his bride. He enlists the help of Dr. Cordelia Euphronious, and together they dig up a corpse which just so happens to be Ida, bringing her back to life. When Frank brutally murders two men who were attempting to rape Ida, both go on the run from the law. Along for the pursuit are a detective and his secretary, and mob underlings sent to silence Ida. 

Jessie Buckley stars as Ida/Penelope/Penny/The Bride. Yes, Mary Shelley continues to partially possess her for the entirety of the film, leading to some painful and cringe outbursts as Ida waffles between two personalities. Buckley is the absolute worst, so much so that it makes you question her frontrunner status for Best Actress. 

Christian Bale puts on a good performance as Frankenstein/Frank. He is essentially the creature from the classic novel. In The Bride!, he has developed a love for film and dancing. Movie theaters are featured prominently throughout, though there is no deeper meaning to their usage and nothing really comes from it. There are also several dance sequences in The Bride!, including one (bafflingly) set to ‘Puttin’ on the Ritz’ which involves possession, an ability Frank only acquires for this one scene and goes unexplained. Bale brings some gravitas and pathos to his portrayal of Frank and is one of the only bright spots in the movie.

Peter Sarsgaard plays Jake Wiles, a determined and well-meaning detective who knew Ida before she died. He’s another bright spot. He’s likable enough and his sub-plot is fine, though it goes nowhere in the end, he serves very little purpose, and is even carelessly discarded at the beginning of the third act. His friendship with his secretary played by Penelope Cruz is cute, though she proves to be every bit as useless as he is, if not more so, by the end. 

Annette Bening plays Dr. Cordelia Euphronious, author of Event Horizon. Against her better judgement, she gets involved in the story of Frank and The Bride out of what appears to be a scientific curiosity. She isn’t given much to do, but makes an impression regardless.

The Bride! is written and directed by Maggie Gyllenhaal (the film even features Jake Gyllenhaal in a memorable supporting role). The screenplay is simply atrocious and bad. Gyllenhaal also fails to impress as director. It doesn’t take long at all for her to lose total control of her movie.

The Bride! is a wild, crazed sequel to Frankenstein with heavy Feminist overtones (the crimes of our duo inspires women all over the country to dress up like The Bride and commit similar crimes, another subplot that, once again, goes nowhere). The creativity on display is without boundaries, but this means there is also zero focus. This flick comes speeding at you and either you jump on board or are flattened like a pancake. It’s a hard one to keep up with.

The Bride! is overflowing with ideas (some interesting, some not-so-much), but every one of them falls flat and isn’t followed up on or explored. While you have to give credit for the insane creativity on display, The Bride! is a mess. It feels like Maggie Gyllenhaal’s take on Poor Things, a lesser take. The Bride! amounts to a gigantic, visually appealing/pretty, and very silly train wreck that wears out its welcome well before the end credits roll.

2 STARS

SMALLS' TOP 25 FILMS OF 2025

25. Thunderbolts*

24. The Fantastic Four: First Steps

23. Friendship

22. Little Amelie or The Character of Rain

21. The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Loony Tunes Movie

20. The Lost Bus

19. Hamnet

18. Frankenstein

17. Jay Kelly

16. Companion

15. No Other Choice

14. The Long Walk

13. F1

12. If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

11. The Voice of Hind Rajab

10. Bring Her Back

9. The Life of Chuck

8. Wake Up Dead Man

7. Train Dreams

6. Weapons

5. Warfare

4. Sinners

3. Sentimental Value

2. Marty Supreme

1. One Battle After Another

SCREAM 7 MIGHT JUST BE THE DEATH OF THE FRANCHISE

In Scream 7, Sidney has moved to the small town of Pine Grove and is living a mostly happy suburban life. Unfortunately, Ghostface rears his face once again, putting Sidney's beloved eldest daughter, Tatum, in danger. Now, Sidney is going to have to stop hiding and face her past once again. 

Yeah, this is the same quality as Scream 3. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s terrible. It’s bad, but watchable. The screenplay (Guy Busick, Kevin Williamson. Williamson directs as well) is one of the worst in the Scream franchise, the pacing is terrible, the nostalgia-bait only detracts from the film (even though that is the foundation this entire film is built upon), this is one of my least favorite versions of Sidney (She’s back in Scream 3 mode), and the killers are easily the worst in any of the Scream movies. They are uninspired, random, and have zero motivation (That said, I was still able to sus out who they were pretty easily). 

Matthew Lillard is fantastic as Stu Macher. He appears in 4 scenes, but only on phone screens or computer screens, so that’s disappointing. The best parts of this outing are Chad, Mindy, and Gale even though they aren’t in it much and are given very little to do. The kills this go-round are fine and get the job done, I suppose. The best scenes are the opening, the bar, and the security camera one. 

This flick has no meta commentary or dialogue, instead choosing to half-ass the theme of handing down trauma from parent to child. In better hands, they really could have done something with this idea. Instead, it’s just used to create the illusion of depth in a very shallow and uninspired film. A good deal of this flick is spent apologizing for Scream 6 ( even though 6 is far superior to 7). If all you want is to watch Ghostface kill some people, you definitely get that here. The trade-off though, is you get one of the dumbest Scream films in the franchise. Unfortunately, there is nothing to scream about here.

1.5 STARS

SMALLS OSCAR PICKS 2026

 Out of the Oscar nominations, here is who I would pick for each category. A *** indicates my pick for the corresponding category.

BEST ACTOR

Leonardo DiCaprio - One Battle After Another

***Timothy Chalamet - Marty Supreme 

Ethan Hawke - Blue Moon

Wagner Moura - The Secret Agent

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Benicio Del Toro - One Battle After Another

***Jacob Elordi - Frankenstein

Delroy Lindo - Sinners

Sean Penn - One Battle After Another

Stellan Skarsgard  - Sentimental Value

BEST ACTRESS

Jessie Buckley - Hamnet

***Rose Byrne - If I had Legs I'd Kick You

Renate Reinsve - Sentimental Value

Emma Stone - Bugonia

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Elle Fanning - Sentimental Value

Inga Ibsdotter Lilleaas - Sentimental Value

***Amy Madigan - Weapons

Wunmi Mosaku - Sinners

Teyana Taylor - One Battle After Another

BEST ANIMATED FILM

Arco

Elio

KPop Demon Hunters

***Little Amelie or the Character of Rain

Zootopia 2

BEST CASTING

Nina Gold - Hamnet

Jennifer Venditti - Marty Supreme 

***Cassandra Kulukundis - One Battle After Another

Gabriel Domingues - The Secret Agent

Francine Maisler - Sinners 

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

Dan Laustsen - Frankenstein

Darius Khondji - Marty Supreme

Michael Bauman - One Battle After Another

***Autumn Durald Arkapaw - Sinners

Adolpho Veloso - Train Dreams

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

Deborah L. Scott - Avatar: Fire and Ash

***Kate Hawley - Frankenstein

Malgosia Turzanska - Hamnet

Miyako Bellizzi - Marty Supreme

Ruth E. Carter - Sinners

BEST DIRECTOR

Chloe Zhao - Hamnet

***Josh Safdie - Marty Supreme

Paul Thomas Anderson - One Battle After Another

Joachim Trier - Sentimental Value

Ryan Coogler - Sinners

BEST EDITING

***Stephen Mirrione - F1

Ronald Bronstein and Josh Safdie - Marty Supreme

Andy Jurgensen - One Battle After Another

Olivier Bugge Coutte - Sentimental Value

Michael P. Shawver - Sinners

BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING

***Mike Hill, Jordan Samuel and Cliona Furey - Frankenstein

Kyoko Toyokawa, Naomi Hibino and Tadashi Nishimatsu - Kokuho

Ken Diaz, Mike Fontaine and Shunika Terry - Sinners

Kazu Hiro, Glen Griffin and Bjoern Rehbein - The Smashing Machine

Thomas Foldberg and Anne Cathrine Sauerberg - The Ugly Stepsister

BEST SCORE

Jerskin Fendrix - Bugonia

Alexandre Desplat - Frankenstein

Max Richter - Hamnet

Jonny Greenwood - One Battle After Another

***Ludwig Goransson - Sinners

BEST SONG 

Dear Me - from Diane Warren: Relentless; Music and Lyric by Diane Warren

Golden - from KPop Demon Hunters; Music and Lyric by EJAE, Mark Sonnenblick, Joong Gyu Kwak, Yu Han Lee, Hee Dong Nam, Jeong Hoon Seon and Teddy Park

***I Lied to You - from Sinners; Music and Lyric by Raphael Saadiq and Ludwig Goransson

Sweet Dreams of Joy - from Viva Verdi!; Music and Lyric by Nicholas Pike

Train Dreams - from Train Dreams; Music by Nick Cave and Bryce Dessner; Lyric by Nick Cave

BEST PICTURE

Bugonia

F1

Frankenstein

Hamnet

Marty Supreme 

***One Battle After Another

The Secret Agent

Sentimental Value

Sinners

Train Dreams

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN

Production Design: Tamara Deverell; Set Decoration: Shane Vieau - Frankenstein

Production Design: Fiona Crombie; Set Decoration: Alice Felton - Hamnet

Production Design: Jack Fisk; Set Decoration: Adam Willis - Marty Supreme

Production Design: Florencia Martin; Set Decoration: Anthony Carlino - One Battle After Another

***Production Design: Hannah Beachler; Set Decoration: Monique Champagne - Sinners

BEST SOUND

***Gareth John, Al Nelson, Gwendolyn Yates Whittle, Gary A. Rizzo and Juan Peralta - F1

Greg Chapman, Nathan Robitaille, Nelson Ferreira, Christian Cooke and Brad Zoern - Frankenstein

José Antonio García, Christopher Scarabosio and Tony Villaflor - One Battle After Another

Chris Welcker, Benjamin A. Burtt, Felipe Pacheco, Brandon Proctor and Steve Boeddeker - Sinners

Amanda Villavieja, Laia Casanovas and Yasmina Praderas - Sirat

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

***Joe Letteri, Richard Baneham, Eric Saindon and Daniel Barrett - Avatar: Fire and Ash

Ryan Tudhope, Nicolas Chevallier, Robert Harrington and Keith Dawson - F1

David Vickery, Stephen Aplin, Charmaine Chan and Neil Corbould - Jurassic World: Rebirth

Charlie Noble, David Zaretti, Russell Bowen and Brandon K. McLaughlin - The Lost Bus

Michael Ralla, Espen Nordahl, Guido Wolter and Donnie Dean - Sinners

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

Will Tracy - Bugonia

Guillermo del Toro - Frankenstein

Chloé Zhao & Maggie O'Farrell - Hamnet

***Paul Thomas Anderson - One Battle After Another

Clint Bentley & Greg Kwedar - Train Dreams

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

Robert Kaplow - Blue Moon

Jafar Panahi - It Was Just An Accident

Ronald Bronstein & Josh Safdie - Marty Supreme

***Eskil Vogt, Joachim Trier - Sentimental Value

Ryan Coogler - Sinners

SMALLS' BEST OF 2026

 2026 was a great year for film! Let's celebrate by taking a look at my nominations and wins for the year! The rules are there can only be up to 20 nominations in each category. Whenever you see a *, it indicates this film is one of the top in it's designated category/s.

PRODUCTION DESIGN

*Sinners

Warfare

*Fantastic Four: First Steps (WINNER)

*Wolf Man

*Train Dreams

*Wicked: For Good

*Marty Supreme

*Hamnet

*Frankenstein

*The Ugly Stepsister

*Until Dawn

Shelby Oaks

BEST SCREENPLAY

*One Battle After Another

*Sinners

*Marty Supreme

*Sentimental Value (WINNER)

Bring Her Back

*Weapons

*Frankenstein

*The Long Walk

*Train Dreams

Jay Kelly

Wake Up Dead Man

Hamnet

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

Blue Moon

SCORE

*Sinners (WINNER)

Weapons

*One Battle After Another

Wolf Man

*Fantastic Four: First Steps

*Superman

*The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie

Hamnet

*Train Dreams

*Frankenstein

*Tron: Ares

CINEMATOGRAPHY

Shelby Oaks

*Sinners (WINNER)

*One Battle After Another

Warfare

*Bring Her Back

*Wolf Man

*Fantastic Four: First Steps

*Superman

*28 Years Later

The Long Walk

*Frankenstein

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

Hamnet

*Sentimental Value

Black Phone 2

Keeper

*Lurker

*Train Dreams

Jay Kelly

*Wake Up Dead Man

*Marty Supreme

*Tron: Ares

Until Dawn

Weapons

*F1

No Other Choice

EDITING

*Sinners (WINNER)

*One Battle After Another

Warfare

*Bring Her Back

*The Long Walk

*Frankenstein

*Train Dreams

Tron: Ares

*Weapons

*Marty Supreme

*Sentimental Value

*Wolf Man

Hamnet

*If I had Legs I'd Kick You 

*F1

No Other Choice

BEST ACTOR

*Leonardo DiCaprio - One Battle After Another

*Michael B. Jordan - Sinners

*Miles Caton - Sinners

*Josh Brolin - Weapons

Peter Dinklage - The Toxic Avenger

*Timothy Chalamet - Marty Supreme (WINNER)

*Joel Edgarton - Train Dreams

George Clooney - Jay Kelly

*Josh O'Connor - Wake Up Dead Man

Jesse Plemons - Bugonia

*Paul Mescal - Hamnet

*Cooper Hoffman - The Long Walk

*Alfie Williams - 28 Years Later

*David Jonsson - The Long Walk

*Christopher Abbott - Wolf Man

*Brad Pitt - F1

*Stellan Skarsgard - Sentimental Value

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR 

Jack Quaid - Companion

*Sean Penn - One Battle After Another

*Benicio Del Toro - One Battle After Another

*Jacob Elordi - Frankenstein (WINNER)

William H. Macy - Train Dreams

*Conan O'Brien - If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

*A$AP Rocky - If I had Legs I'd Kick You

Tyler the Creator - Marty Supreme

Kevin O'Leary - Marty Supreme

*Jack O'Connell - Sinners

Aidan Delbis - Bugonia

BEST ACTRESS

Sophie Thatcher - Companion

*Jessie Buckley - Hamnet (WINNER)

*Rose Byrne - If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

Renate Reinsve - Sentimental Value

*Ariana Grande - Wicked: For Good

*Julia Gardner - Weapons

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

*Amy Madigan - Weapons

*Emily Watson - Hamnet

*Hailee Steinfeld - Sinners

Andrene Ward-Hammond - Sinners

*Sally Hawkins - Bring Her Back

*Judy Greer - The Long Walk

*Chase Infiniti - One Battle After Another (WINNER)

Elle Fanning - Sentimental Value

Inga Ilbsdotter Lilleaas - Sentimental Value

*Odessa A'Zion - Marty Supreme

*Glenn Close - Wake Up Dead Man

*Riley Keough - Jay Kelly

Rebecca Ferguson - A House of Dynamite

BEST DIRECTOR

**Paul Thomas Anderson - One Battle After Another (WINNER)

Guillermo Del Toro - Frankenstein

Chloe Zhao - Hamnet

Noah Baumbach - Jay Kelly

**Josh Safdie - Marty Supreme

*Mary Bronstein - If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

*Joachim Trier - Sentimental Value

*Rian Johnson - Wake Up Dead Man

*Clint Bentley - Train Dreams

*Ryan Coogler - Sinners

Alex Garland, Ray Mendoza - Warfare

*Danny Philippou, Michael Philippou - Bring Her Back

Mike Flanagan - The Life of Chuck

*Zach Cregger - Weapons

*Francis Lawrence - The Long Walk

BEST SOUND DESIGN

*Wolf Man

*F1 (WINNER)

*Warfare

*If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

*Sinners

Weapons

*Marty Supreme

*Train Dreams

*One Battle After Another

28 Years Later

BEST CASTING

*Weapons

Hamnet

One Battle After Another

**Sinners (WINNER)

*The Life of Chuck

*The Long Walk

Sentimental Value

Jay Kelly

The Lost Bus

**Marty Supreme

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

*Hamnet

*Marty Supreme

*Sinners

*The Ugly Stepsister

Kiss of the Spider Woman

Train Dreams

Wicked: For Good

*Frankenstein (WINNER)

BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING

*The Ugly Stepsister

*Marty Supreme

One Battle After Another

*Sinners

Wicked: For Good

*Hamnet

*Frankenstein (WINNER)

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

Tron: Ares

Avatar: Fire and Ash (WINNER)

The Lost Bus

BEST ANIMATED FILM

The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie (WINNER)

Zootopia 2

Little Amelie or The Character of Rain

BEST PICTURE

One Battle After Another (WINNER)

Marty Supreme 

Sentimental Value

Sinners

Warfare

Weapons

Wake Up Dead Man

Train Dreams

The Life of Chuck

Bring Her Back

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

Jay Kelly

Companion

The Long Walk

The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Loony Tunes Movie

Frankenstein

Hamnet

Friendship

Fantastic Four: First Steps

Thunderbolts

WORST FILMS OF 2025

26. Tron: Ares

25. Wicked: For Good

24. The Carpenter's Son

23. Love Hurts

22. Clown in a Cornfield

21. The Amateur

20. Jurassic World: Rebirth

19. The Woman in the Yard

18. Death of a Unicorn

17. Captain America: Brave New World

16. The Surfer

15. Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare

14. Until Dawn

13. M3GAN 2.0

12. Him

11. Opus

10. The Electric State

9. A Minecraft Movie

8. Five Nights at Freddy's 2

7. Bambi: The Reckoning

6. Hell House LLC lineage

5. Snow White

4. The Strangers: Chapter 2

3. Hurry Up Tomorrow

2. Happy Gilmore 2

1. War of the Worlds

MARKIPLER'S IRON LUNG IS A RARITY

Iron Lung is set in the far future where a catastrophic event known as “The Quiet Rapture” has caused all the known stars and habitable planets to mysteriously disappear, leaving only those who were on space stations or starships. With supplies dwindling and infrastructure crumbling, survivors search for any trace of natural resources they can use. Convict Simon (Markiplier) is sent on a suicide mission to explore an ocean of blood on a desolate moon in the hopes that he might find something, anything that could save the last remnants of humanity.  Alone on a rickety sub, he is told that if he survives he will earn his freedom. When his mission takes a turn for the worst, Simon will not only have to fight off his crumbling sanity but also the horrors that lurk underneath the bloody waves. 

The day has finally arrived. Beloved YouTuber Mark “Markiplier” Fishbach (listed only as Markiplier in the credits) releases his first ever theatrical movie. Mark not only stars in Iron Lung, he also directs, penns the screenplay by himself, is in charge of editing duties, and even self-financed the project (That means no production logos play before the film). Yes, this is a wildly ambitious film. Iron Lung is a rarity in that it is a genuine low-budget independent movie.

Mark as an actor is pretty good, considering he is working off of voices for the majority of the film. His acting isn’t unlike how he acts during his Let’s Plays, but he still does a convincing and emotional job. He competently carries the entirety of the  film on his back. No easy task, believe you me. Mark throws himself through the wringer, allowing himself to be tossed around like a rag doll, drowned in torrential rivers of blood, and even gets to play with some very gross practical prosthetics/effects (the CGI seldomly utilized is quite good as well). His effort and dedication do not go unnoticed.

Iron Lung is a wild and experimental sci-fi psychological survival horror movie. It’s not made for general audiences. Running at around two hours, the film is slowly paced and, while there’s a lot of lore and story included, there isn’t always much going on on-screen to keep audiences awake and engaged. The audio in my theater was pretty muted, so I had to strain to make sure I could hear what was being said (I’m assuming this was an issue with my theater and not the film, but I could be wrong). The strongest portions are the first and third act. The final minutes in particular are really gripping.

Iron Lung is effectively claustrophobic and tense for most of its run-time. You will feel like you were trapped aboard the “Iron Lung” with poor Simon by the time the end credits roll. Questions involving faith, science, the trustworthiness of those who orchestrated the mission, and Simon’s sanity are raised throughout. Most is explained by the end, but Iron Lung does a pretty good job at keeping audiences guessing right up till the end.

The score is done by Andrew Hulshult, who scored the new Doom games. It sounds very good and assists in upping the tension or adrenaline at certain moments.The cinematography by Philip Roy is crisp, clear, and more than competent. The sole set used is very cool, but the budgetary restraints can be evidenced in some parts (mainly the control panel and camera screen). The costume for Simon is very cool as well.

Iron Lung was a clear labor of love for all involved. While the final product likely won’t win any awards, long-time gamers and fans of Markiplier should find something to enjoy here. Iron Lung impresses and surprises more than it doesn’t. It’s also the rare good (very good, actually) video game movie. Good job, Mark. I’ll see you in the next review. BUH-BYE!!!!

4 STARS

SAM RAIMI SENDS HELP

 Linda Liddell (Rachel McAdams) is an unappreciated over-achiever and Suvivor (as in the tv show) enthusiast who works in strategy and planning. Promised a VP position by her former boss, she is heart-broken when his nepo baby dickhead son, Bradley (Dylan O’Brien), takes over and passes the job to one of his college buddies (a mini Patrick Bateman named Donovan, played by Xavier Samuel). When their private jet headed for a corporate meeting crashes into the ocean during a fierce storm, Linda and Bradley wash up on the same deserted island. They carry their ugly corporate politics from their previous lives onto the island, and a desperate fight for dominance ensues.

Sam Raimi returns to original films after mixed reactions to 2022’s Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. Raimi continues his signature taste for oddball dark humor, this time leaning fully into the comedy aspect of survival films. Send Help is a comedically cartoonish take on Cast Away or Survivor. A good portion of the movie feels like an extended take on the SpongeBob episode where SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward find themselves stranded on an island.

This film refuses to take itself seriously, despite there being a good deal of darkness and messed-up stuff going on, especially in the last 35 minutes. The cinematography is handled by Bill Pope. It’s competently done, but shines most during the first 20 minutes on the mainland. The score is composed by Danny Elfman and he does an impressive job as usual. There is a lot of CGI used throughout and all of it is ugly, bad, obvious, and overly cartoony. Rachel McAdams and Dylan O’Brien are entertaining in their respective roles. It’s appreciated neither are particularly likable by the end.

Those looking for horror are bound to be disappointed as this one is basically a straight-up dark comedy. Easter Eggs to look out for include the necklace from Evil Dead being worn by Linda during the first act and a sequence that hearkens back to Raimi’s beloved Deadites. Send Help isn’t quite the return to form or return to horror fans have been screaming for as Raimi’s main interest these days seems to be making goofy, darkly comedic, feature-length live-action cartoons. Despite my complaints, Send Help is still a wildly entertaining time at the theater.

3.5 STARS

THE MONKEY GOES APE

 IT’S NOT A TOY!

In The Monkey, a seemingly harmless wind-up monkey brings horrific death to those around him when he is played with. Twin brothers Hal and Bill (Theo James) are unexpectedly re-united with their old foe when they near middle age. Now, they must find a way to stop the monkey before everyone they know dies. 

The Monkey is a dark absurdist horror-comedy. It’s ultra-dark and ultra-silly. It’s like a different flavor of the Final Destination franchise. Most of the deaths are unrealistic (one person explodes into a red mist when hit with the single blast of a shotgun, ditto for another who gets electrocuted) and played for laughs. Tatiana Maslany leaves an impression as Lois, the woefully unequipped single mother of our protagonists. Colin O’Brien plays Peter, the son of Hal. He reminds of a young Kyle Gallner (I suppose one could also compare him to Douglas Smith, but that would just be mean). 

Theo James leads the film with ease, playing two VERY different characters with distinct personalities. There aren’t many camera tricks utilized, but you still believe him as both Bill and Hal (though Hal gets much more screen time, is the star of the movie, and might be the more likable of the twins). 

Christian Convery also impresses as Young Hal and Young Bill. It’s easy to buy Convery and James as the same characters at different ages, and each are very memorable and do excellent work. Convery is a lot of fun (I personally found his portrayal of Bill to be more entertaining), Theo James plays neurotic and freaked out incredibly well as Hal (James’ portrayal of Bill is more unhinged and wild than Convery’s, but it makes sense for the character), and James’ deep dulcet tones he affects for the role are very pleasing. 

Rohan Campbell (Corey Cunningham in Halloween Ends) is in a decent amount of the film as Thrasher, a drooling metal head adorned with a hilariously ugly and fake rocker mullet that perpetually covers his eyes (think 80s hair bands). Campbell is clearly having a blast turning his brain off, and he plays the role very well. That said, he isn’t given much to do and the role doesn’t ask a lot from him. Still great to see him on the big screen though. Campbell isn’t the only notable surprise appearance from a known actor. I won’t spoil any, but two in particular are a delight.

Despite The Monkey being a horror-comedy with a heavy emphasis on comedy, it’s not afraid to take time out to sprinkle in a little pathos and explore the relationship between Bill and Hal, or the relationship between Hal and Peter. It’s not much, but it’s enough. The extra effort to ground the increasingly ridiculous proceedings is appreciated.

Some are certain to experience the law of diminishing returns with The Monkey. I could see how exaggerated deaths might get less and less funny each time, and a good deal of the deaths utilize not-great CGI. There’s some dead air in-between the deaths and scenes featuring the titular monkey. There’s also a bit of a shoe-drop somewhere in the second act that changes the trajectory/course of the film. That said, if you’re on this weird, gory little flick’s wavelength, a great, bloody time is just about guaranteed. I know I had an absolute blast with The Monkey. You want my advice? Wind it up and see what happens.

4 STARS

2025 CATCH-UP: COMPANION FLIPS THE BREAK-UP FILM GENRE ON ITS EAR

 Josh brings his new gf Iris to a “little rustic cabin in the woods” (see: A luxurious and modern house) to party with his friends for the weekend. Their plans spiral violently out of control when, in an act of self-defense, Iris murders the host. This leads to a whole slew of revelations and a new goal: capture the escaped Iris before things get any worse. 

Not as much of a comedy as the trailers made it out to be. Companion is more of an ultra-dark and brutal breakup film about love, survival, and betrayal. There are multiple twists and turns, with each new revelation bringing our protagonists down darker paths.Sophie Thatcher leads the film well-enough as Iris, a likable and naive “emotional support robot…that also fucks”. 

Harvey Guillen makes his minor supporting role of Eli count (same goes double for Lukas Gage as his partner, Patrick). Megan Suri plays Kay, a ex-flame of Jack Quaid’s Josh, who is busy dating a shady rich Russian. It’s clear that Josh and her still kind-of have a thing for each other. Despite Kat’s tendency to bristle whenever Iris is around, she seems nice enough but even she is hiding darker layers. 

Jack Quaid starts out likable enough, but as things continue to spiral horrifically out of control his mask slips, revealing the monster underneath. Yeah, Jack Quaid knows how to play a damn good villain. Years before his starring role in 5cream he played Marvel in The Hunger Games, who would infamously murder Rue. So yeah, he’s been working at the villain thing for a while now, and this might be his most effective turn yet. 

The last 30 minutes are where Companion is at its peak. Don’t expect to feel uplifted or happy when this relatively short film ends: There is A LOT of murder, and those who survive might walk away with a newfound sense of purpose, but will likely always carry some amount of emotional scarring regardless. Companion is a smart, savvy, great film. It starts out as a ton of fun, but expect your smile to fade as events grow progressively more gruesome and fucked-up. Definitely a unique breakup film, as it has much more on its mind than a simple breakup.

4 STARS

2025 CATCH-UP: BORDERLINE

 Ray Nicholson in this is my crazy bisexual king. While the way Borderline opens with VO narration by Nicholson’s Duerson sets us up to think this will be his story, and the trailers made it look like Samara Weaving would be the protagonist, arguably the main character is actually Eric Dane’s Bell, a bodyguard for Samara Weaving’s Sofia.

Weaving shines like always, but it’s Ray Nicholson (son to Jack Nicholson, and boy does he look and act alarmingly similar to dear old dad) who easily steals the entire show. He has crazy down to a T (don’t believe me? Check him out in Novacaine and Smile 2). It’s impossible not to have a blast watching him act his heart out. It’s far from being a serious role, but he entertains like no other. Nicholson is in this a lot, yet by the end it still feels like we needed more of him.

A good deal of the film is sidetracked by the “secondary” plot involving Eric Dane’s Bell and his family, and these parts are never all that entertaining or engaging. Naturally, the two separate plots blend together eventually, but the extended focus on Dane’s Bell comes across like the filmmakers felt like the “A” plot didn’t have enough material to get the end product over the finish line. Troubling and disappointing, indeed. Luckily, all of the scenes involving Nicholson and Weaving are delightfully demented and sick, and Nicholson manages to carry all of the proceedings on his back.

Supporting roles from Alba Baptista, Jimmy Fails, and Patrick Cox don’t leave much of a lasting impression, although Weaving and Baptista share one memorable scene and Fails has a significant role to play in the third act (to humorous effect). Not everything comes together in a clean or satisfying way by the end, but there is still a ton of fun to be had on the way to the end credits.

3.5 STARS

2025 CATCH-UP: THE DAY THE EARTH BLEW UP: A LOONEY TUNES MOVIE

 Daffy Duck’s and Porky Pig’s quest to save their beloved home has them reluctantly landing a job at the Local Bubble gum factory. Their first day on the job, they find themselves entangled in an intergalactic plot for world domination via bubble gum.

A looney, loving send-up of classic sci-fi films like The Blob, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and The Thing (Armageddon and Night of the Living Dead even make it in there, oddly enough). The animation is 2D/hand-drawn (with the exception of the spaceship), but tends to have a digital look to it. That said, there are plenty of inspired moments of animation that impress and delight.

The score is gorgeous, featuring plenty of riffs on “The Merry Go Round Broke Down” (aka the classic Looney Tunes theme song). It sounds similar to the types of music we’d get in a classic Looney Tunes short.  The voice-acting is perfection. Our leads and even the background characters nail the classic Looney Tunes spirit. 

Eric Bauza plays both Porky Pig and Daffy Duck. You won’t be able to tell it’s the same voice actor doing both characters, and Bauza excels at each. Peter MacNicol (aka Dr. Janosz Poha/Vigo’s henchman in Ghostbusters 2) voices The Invader and is highly entertaining and perfect as well. Apparently even Wayne Knight lent his voice, though I can’t seem to find exactly who he played. There are plenty of classic Looney Tunes gags that make it into the film as well (much to my delight). 

Full disclosure: I am an unabashed Looney Tunes fan for life. I grew up with those nutty characters, and I’ve waited my whole life to see a proper adaptation on the big screen. However, every attempt seemed destined for failure from Space Jam, to Looney Tunes: Back in Action,  all the way to *gulp* Space Jam 2: A New Legacy (Nooooooo!!!!).  It felt like we were never going to get a true faithful adaptation of those Looney Toons on the big screen. Well, now we do. There are no live-action actors, it’s almost all hand-drawn 2D animation, and they chose two of the regular supporting cast to star: Daffy Duck and Porky Pig (and I know for a fact that Daffy has always yearned to headline a movie. This is literally his dream).

If you are looking for other classic Looney Tunes characters, you’ve come to the wrong place. They don’t even make cameos or background appearances. The only other Looney Tunes character that’s featured is Petunia Pig. Luckily, all that’s small potatoes when the entire film does such a perfect job of capturing the tone, style, spirit, and insanity of our beloved childhood friends.

So yes, I am INCREDIBLY biased, and I’m sure most likely won’t be as over-the-moon about this film as I am, but I’m not going to apologize for my enthusiasm. This flick is a low-key miracle. If you are a fan of the Looney Tunes,  a film nerd (especially so if you’re a sci-fi film nerd), or a lover of classic 2D hand-drawn animation, then The Day the Earth Blew Up is a gift meant for you. Buy a ticket, and enjoy the chaos.

5 STARS

THE WOLFMAN

 Even though it has become a bit more common to see a film thats parts are better than its whole, it is still a fairly rare circumstance. Unfortunately, Wolfman falls into this category.

The Wolfman borrows its title from the successful 1941 film of the same name. Even though the 2010 version tries to bill itself as a remake/update, don't be fooled. The characters may be the same and the story may be similar, but the film itself is quite different. It would help to go into the film with the idea of it being a re-imagining of the classic pic, instead of a remake.

The Wolfman follows Lawrence Talbot, a succesful American actor, as he returns to his England home to help solve the brutal murder of his brother. Inevitably, Lawrence digs too deeply into the mystery and is assaulted by a monster. He survives but finds that he too, is cursed with the burden of the monster.

The Wolfman's action scenes are freaking epic on all levels. You'll see quick shots of his claws slashing, people screaming, and heads and limbs flying apart. The Wolfman himself is one of the best incarnations I've seen in a while. Fast, Furious, and insane...he is everything a werewolf/wolfman should be. It helps that the creature design by the fantastic Rick Baker (From An American Werewolf in London fame) only helps to give the creature a more realistic look.

My favorite aspect of the film is it's creepy, tense victorian gothic setting complete with a huge dark wood, long foggy streets, and small Pub. The atmosphere set-up really helps to bring the audience into the film and adds some elements of suspense into it. I personally love how the film feels, more than any other thing about it. Imagine the Legend of Sleepy Hollow, but instead of the Headless Horseman...a Wolfman.

Unfortunately, the film itself is not as blessed as these parts. Incredibly fast-paced to the point where, even though it ups the "cool" factor, it ends up hurting the film, and the fact that the characters and their relationships are never satisfyingly fully developed only serves to bring it down more. You barely see Emily Blunt, The love story becomes background fodder, and the main crucial relationship of Lawrence and his Dad is barely given any thought at all, making the films epic climax and reveal somewhat blah.

Just about the only good characters are Sir John (Lawrence's dad) and Inspector Abberline. Anthony Hopkins acts out his role with a sinister glee that adds some charm to the film, and Hugo Weaving adds some bad-ass-ed-ness to his detective role. It's a shame that Abberline isn't seen as much as he should have been since his scenes were a joy to watch. Somehow he made his character likeable and his intentions clear, despite his lack of appearances in the film.

Overall, The Wolfman is a fairly uneven film that can't quite live up to it's highly hyped release. With a somewhat poor script, lack of character development, and underdeveloped relationships that hinder the film, it almost seemed destined for a bad rating, luckily the filmmakers managed to do something right. Even though they threw away most of what a superior film needs, they gave the audience what it essentially wanted: Fast and furious action scenes and a tense, creepy atmosphere. It makes for a fairly enjoyable film. In the end, if you're looking for a good werewolf film, I suppose you could do worse than The Wolfman.

2.5 STARS

BABY INVASION

 “Just pretend it’s a fucking video game. Act like you’re in a movie or something.”

This quote from Spring Breakers feels like it leads directly into this heavily experimental film. In Baby Invasion, an independent Japanese game developer has been working on a video game that is supposed to be indiscernible from real life. In the game, players commit random crimes while their faces are scrambled to look like babies. While Baby Invasion is in an unfinished state, a Russian group hacks the software and releases the game worldwide. Chaos erupts. A good deal of people, put into a trance by the game, go out and re-enact crimes from the game.

What happens when you stop being able to discern real life from violent video games? How does spending all your time playing violent video games affect the way you see others and the world around you? How does it affect the way you interact with others and your ability to emphasize with and relate to others? These are all questions raised by Baby Invasion’s central conceit, unfortunately the film itself doesn’t really bother to explore these questions.

Imagine if you took all the scenes of crimes in Spring Breakers and cut out everything else. The result would be Baby Invasion. The set-up isn’t bad, but that’s literally all there is to this film. After the opening minutes, the remainder of the film consists of two lengthy robberies/murders. There is no plot, no characters, no character development, and seemingly no script.

There also appears to be very little to no in-camera/natural audio. Most of the auditory landscape consists of a never-ending thumping techno house score by Burial. The music drowns everything else out, and can get very old or annoying fast. On it’s own, the music might be ok but as an underscore to a theatrical film, it fails hard.

For most of the runtime it will be hard to tell if you are watching people playing the Baby Invasion game or actually acting out crimes from the game in real life, but that’s kind of the point. The film offers very small hints to what is going on, but it’s mostly left to audiences to decipher for themselves.

The one thing Baby Invasion has going for it is its consistently trippy and psychedelic visuals. Yes, it would appear Korine and crew relied heavily on AI while making this film, but you can’t argue with the results. The end product is definitely unlike any movie you’ve ever seen. This is one movie that is best viewed while under the influence of mind-altering substances.

Baby Invasion feels very similar to Spring Breakers. I LOVED Spring Breakers. I did not love this film. The lack of plot, characters, and a rooting interest mixed with the unending techno house score might prove to be too much for some (I’d dare say most). I imagine many will claim this film is aimless, without substance or merit. They’d be mostly right. There is a method to Korine’s madness, as per usual. It’s all in service of that central question: What happens when you stop being able to differentiate real life from violent video games?

Baby Invasion is interesting but tedious, lively but dull, thought-provoking but empty. It might be worth a watch if you like experimental films or are just looking for a flick to trip to, everyone else will find Baby Invasion to be a test of their patience.

2 STARS

PRESENCE IS A DIFFERENT KIND OF HAUNTED HOUSE FILM

A family on the edge move into a haunted house where things for everyone only get worse.

A film that uses the bones or structure of a haunted house film to tell a family drama. Included are all the staples of haunted house movies from helpful mystics to things that go bump in the night, but the focus here isn't so much on scares than it is familial relations. The intent is to make a haunted house film that is rooted in real-life. The Ghost/camera acts as a voyeur, peeking in on moments meant for no human eye. In this way, Presence is great example into what film really is at it's core: a voyeuristic medium.

The Ghost itself isn't malicious. It appears to be lost, disoriented, confused, and lonely. It can't help but intrude on intimate moments out of what seems to be a sense of curiosity. That said, it still is subject to emotional, angry outbursts that startle but never scare. The Ghost is an empathetic presence, not a malevolent one.

The storytelling and film-making craft is to be mostly commended here. Unfortunately, the last 20 minutes undoes much of the good will this experimental flick had built up during it's first two acts. The mysteries introduced in the first act are given blunt, direct answers. Things are spelled out in obvious ways (feels like studio notes, perhaps), and one reveal in particular strains believability.

Presence sees Soderberg playing with the trappings and craft of filmmaking. It's not a bad film. It's flawed but interesting, and acts as a bit of a slow burn. While it's a good deal tense, the proceedings are rarely scary. Those looking for a horror film are bound to leave disappointed, even if Presence itself is well-made and mostly effective.

3 STARS

2025 CATCH-UP: DEATH OF A UNICORN

 Not nearly insane, wild, weird or surreal enough. It’s occasionally funny, and the last 30-40 minutes are entertaining enough. Props to the filmmakers for getting the Unicorn lore down pretty close to perfect (The Unicorns are handled like a mixture of the T-Rex and Raptors from Jurassic Park, NOT Jurassic World and 'The Unicorn Tapestries' play a large role in the movie). 

Will Poulter is easily the best thing about this film (no surprise). His comedic timing is consistently on-point, and most of the laughs come from him. The rest of the cast is fairly stacked, and everyone is trying, but their combined efforts amount to very little. Paul Rudd is at his most nerdy and possibly most unlikable as an asshole father who wants to be a good dad, but the dollar signs in his eyes keep getting in the way. His development near the end is sweet, but it feels a bit too little-too late. 

Jenna Ortega is fine, but is given little to do except flail around in frustration as everyone continually shoves her to the side and refuses to listen to her very good advice. Richard E. Grant is completely wasted. Anthony Carrigan leaves somewhat of an impression as Griff, the butler. He has more of a character than you might expect. 

There is a lot of CGI, and most of it’s just not good. There are a few animatronics used for the Unicorns, albeit rarely. The score is surprisingly one of the best things about this movie (It’s very synth-y).  There are some things to recommend about Death of a Unicorn, but ultimately not nearly enough. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s bad, it’s just alright. If you want to watch this film, wait for VoD.

2.5 STARS

MOANA 2

 Still can’t believe this is the film that I’ve heard so much dislike for. It’s not bad and it’s not a dumpster fire. It’s good. For a film that started life as a Disney+ tv series, the animation is gorgeous . The animation is about on par with that found in the first Moana. It might well be essential to watch the first film before you seek out this sequel as, much like Inside Out 2, it helps if you already have an emotional investment to or connection with our leads.

The first 30 minutes and last 30 minutes are great! The 40 or so minutes in-between…eh, not so much. The set-up and story is fairly interesting, and I still got chills a good deal throughout. The new Island characters did not need to tag along on the journey, as they serve no purpose except to be mildly amusing comedic background characters. Only one does anything of use/import. Our main villain is only glimpsed during a mid-credits scene, and only ever appears as a gigantic angry storm (which looks very cool).

The songs aren’t bad either. They’re good as well. The lyrics could use some work, but the production on each is pleasing. The songs themselves aren’t exactly memorable, but they get the job done well-enough (although all the attempts at Lin Manuel-Miranda-esque rapping falls flat). This sequel even involves poignant, somewhat timely themes and messages about anthropology and the sharing of cultures that are important and relevant to what is going on today.

In the end, Moana 2 is far from a perfect product, but it’s still enjoyable, fun, and has some big stakes (though the stakes here aren't quite as big as those found in the first film). For families, it makes for a safe, entertaining watch. Despite what others may say, I recommend you chart a course to Moana 2.

3 STARS

2025 CATCH-UP: WARFARE GIVES AUDIENCES PTSD

 “Dude, I’m fucked up.”

In Warfare, we follow a team of Navy SEALs in Iraq circa 2006. The SEALS find themselves in a Black Hawk Down-esque scenario when they come under siege from all sides during a routine support mission. Cornered in a two-story house, they will have to hold out until reinforcements arrive. 

Warfare opens to our Navy SEALS partying to Eric Prydz’s Call on Me, an infectious boppy techno beat. It’s almost as if the film is telling audiences: “Live it up now while you can, because this is the last chance you will get". It’s an unexpected, welcome, and clever way to start the film. Indeed, things do get much more dire and serious a little later on.

Warfare is an ensemble film with a totally stacked cast including but not limited to Joseph Quinn, Will Poulter, Michael Gandolfini, Charles Melton, Kit Connor, Noah Centineo, and Henrique Zaga. As this is an ensemble piece, there isn’t really a main character and most of the cast get about equal amounts of screen time. D’Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai plays the central character of Ray, who spends the majority of the film in a worsening state of shock. D’Pharaoh leaves an impression.

Will Poulter plays Erik, essentially the head of the group. He calls the orders for most of the movie, and is typically the one others look to for leadership. Poulter continues to prove he’s one of the best young actors out there. In Warfare, he brings a humanity to his role. He makes it easy to understand the weight that comes with a leadership role, as he has to remain calm and in-control when chaos, gunfire, and bloodshed surround him. Poulter lets hints and glimmers of emotion, trauma, and panic rise to the surface of his usually stoic façade and indeed, Poulter’s character of Eric might not be able to hold back his shock and trauma forever. 

Joseph Quinn also shines as Sam. It’s a tough role as it’s mostly intense emotion. Quinn makes his screen time completely riveting and harrowing. Even tougher still is the role of Elliott, as played by Cosmo Jarvis. Most of his screen-time occurs during the first act, but he’s pretty important as the entire film is dedicated to him (that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a goner though.). Both Quinn and Jarvis have the makings of being great scream kings.

The first 30 or 40 minutes of Warfare are pretty slow and uneventful. Our SEALS are doing their support mission, but are noticing hints that there may be a serious offensive mounting. They begin to worry, as do we. Some might call this part boring, and it does feel like some could have been shaved off the top here. That said, the build-up is extremely effective and when ish hits the fan and our group find themselves trapped in a literal hell, you’d be hard pressed not to find yourself clenching  your nether regions tighter.

The “action” is far from thrilling. It’s tense and traumatic. There is no glamour, no heroic moments, no glorification of war and violence. There is only hiding, shooting, and survival. The sound design by Glenn Freemantle and sound editing by Ben Barker are superb. You feel every gun shot pop. Every wrinkle of clothing ups the tension and anxiety of each scene. Warfare is also noticeably lacking a score, which only intensifies the aforementioned tension and anxiety.

Warfare is directed and written by Alex Garland and Ray Mendoza. The proceedings are based on an actual mission Mendoza participated in back in ‘06 (the character of Ray is based on him). Warfare makes the bold claim at the start that what we are about to witness is based on the memories of Ray Mendoza and his surviving fellow SEALS. Warfare does appear to be quite accurate to what war is really like. The film ends with photos of the real SEALS who were part of the mission (some of their faces are blurred), as well as some BTS footage. It all helps to cement the fact that this isn’t just a movie, all this really happened. 

Warfare throws audiences into a terrifying and impossible situation with some of the toughest, baddest, most expert people around. Watching the SEALS fall apart both literally and metaphorically drives the point home that, at the end of the day, they are just kids much like you and me. War sucks, but Warfare does not. Taut, tense, anxiety-inducing, and relentless, Warfare is easily the best war film to come out of the 2020s thus far.

5 STARS

2025 CATCH-UP: SINNERS COMMITS NO SINS

 Ryan Coogler brings us a compelling new myth about music and vampires. The score by Ludwig Göransson is exceptional and transcendent. There’s also A LOT of blues music and Irish folk music throughout, all of which are superb. The cinematography by Autumn Durald Arkapaw is gorgeous and effective.

Michael B. Jordan continues to showcase his effortless charisma and star power as identical twin brothers, Smoke and Stack. Stack is the muscle, Smoke is the brains. Miles Catton shines as aspiring blues musician Sammy Moore, the true star of the movie (or as I like to call him, The Magic Man). Andrene Ward-Hammond brings a warmth to her role of Ruthie, voodoo priestess and love interest to Smoke. Hailee Steinfeld is ethereal and stunning as Mary, love interest to Stack.

Jack O’Connell plays one of the best love-to-hate villains in the modern day, Remmick, an Irish vampire. Coogler said the vampires here were influenced by The Wolf in Puss in Boots: The Last Wish. Indeed, their eyes glow and they have silver tongues. They also are more than a little reminiscent of wolves or coyotes.

Those walking in expecting a vampiric horror film will have a while to wait; at least an hour, at most an hour twenty. It’s hard to call this one a horror film. It is, but it also isn’t. The horror part doesn’t come into play until the last hour or so of the movie. The parts before this are dedicated to character development, and world-building based on the real and not the fantastical.

Once the vampires come out when the sunsets, it’s non-stop horror but everything before that plays like a straight-up character drama. Some might find the horror scary, I found it to be more freaky, disturbing, and fun. The best scene in the entire film is easily when Sammy plays his first Blues song in the “Juke Joint”/club. This scene is elevating, transcendent, and magical…all the things a great movie should be.

In the end, Sinners is yet another home-run from Ryan Coogler. I’ve honestly yet to see a weak or bad film from this man, and Sinners is no exception. If you love music, you owe it to yourself to see this film.

5 STARS

2025 CATCH-UP: CLOWN IN A CORNFIELD GETS LOST IN THE MAZE

 My disappointment is on me. I chose to read the novel first, and it seems like I might have liked this more if I had seen this first instead. Clown in a Cornfield keeps enough true to the novel that it can still be called an adaptation, but A LOT is changed/altered too. The deaths are ok, but this flick definitely does not skimp on the blood and gore. 

All the characters are given minimal development, and most have different personalities than their novel counterparts (for example: in the novel, Cole is a sad boy with a troubled past. In the film, he’s just a generic hot bad boy (His backstory is similar in each.). Will Sasso is here, but given squat to do. His Sheriff Dunne is a lead player in the novel, not so much in the film. 

Kevin Durand (from Abigail and Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes) is almost unrecognizable here as Arthur Hill. He seems to have lost A LOT of muscle, and is more lean/string bean-y. He has a ton of fun with his role, and is easily one of the best things about this film. Katie Douglas as Quinn, our lead, and Aaron Abrams as her father are the only other characters that leave an impression. 

The town of Kettle Springs doesn’t become a character like it does in the novel, and most of the themes from the book are barely even casually explored here. The directing is pretty poor (shocking since Eli Craig, director of Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, is at the helm.), and the same goes for the screenplay (Eli Craig and Carter Blanchard. Craig penned Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, and Blanchard likely did touch-ups for Independence Day: Resurgence seeing as is listed as an uncredited screenwriter for it). 

Clown in a Cornfield had a solid template to follow in terms of its source material (which is great). Unfortunately, it tries to be somewhat faithful to the novel while still being it’s own original thing. This is the rare case where the film would have been better served if the filmmakers had chosen one or the other, instead of trying to do both (either be a faithful adaptation, or an adaptation in name only).

2.5 STARS

2025 CATCH-UP: FRIENDSHIP

 “Stay curious!”

In Friendship, Craig (Tim Robinson) is feeling unfulfilled and frustrated with his life. Things start to brighten up when he meets Austin (Paul Rudd), a neighbor of his. Their friendship doesn’t last long as Craig gets a little too excited, making a mistake that leads to Austin actively distancing himself from him. Unfortunately, this simple slight is too much for Craig to handle, leading him down a path that threatens to completely wreck his life.

Paul Rudd is the best he’s been in a while as Austin, in whom Craig sees much of what he wants for himself. Of course, Austin has his own secrets as well. Rudd dons a mustache for the role. Austin might as well be an elseworld version of Rudd’s Brian Fantana from Anchorman. Both characters are news anchors, and Rudd’s mannerisms and personality here are not unlike that of Brian. Regardless, Rudd really impresses here, even if his character doesn’t appear as much as you might expect or hope.

Tim Robinson as Craig is the lead of the film, and the proceedings are all about him. Craig is a weird, awkward little dude. He means well, but his insecurities and need to be liked continually make things worse for him. Robinson plays the hell out of the role, although you can tell he got his start in stand-up. There are multiple moments where he displays an openness, honestness, and vulnerability we don’t normally get from male actors.

There isn’t much plot to Friendship, and the little that’s there is fairly thread-bare. The friendship acts as more of a catalyst to the destruction of Craig’s life than it does as the main plot of the film. It’s definitely an important and crucial aspect of the film, but there are lengthy portions where it takes a backseat to other events.

Andrew DeYoung directs and writes. He previously directed and wrote episodes of various tv shows. This is the first time he’s worked with Robinson, which is surprising seeing as Robinson seems very comfortable and at ease here.

Friendship is a very weird movie. It doesn’t follow the typical filmic structure or pacing. The pacing is often off, and the proceedings can drag or feel slow at times. The humor is very weird, odd, and off-kilter, but luckily it works more often than not. When Friendship isn’t being funny, it’s being weird and when it isn’t being weird, it’s being funny…and quite often it does both. 

Friendship certainly won’t be to everyone’s tastes. It’s consistently odd and weird. It’s also often very funny. This is a truly original, unique movie. It takes a different approach towards bro-mances, and questions what the purpose of adult male friendships is. It’s un-afraid to march to the beat of its own drum and is unashamedly different from most comedies we get today. Friendship definitely loses the plot somewhere in the later acts, but this is still one worth seeking out for fans of comedies. Not everything is perfect in Friendship, but the good (and funny) far outweighs the bad.

4 STARS

2025 CATCH-UP: MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - THE FINAL RECKONING

 Highly entertaining and a lot of fun. Every action set-piece is phenomenal (mainly the cabin, the sub, and the plane). The plot is pretty cool as well. It hosts some parallels to what’s going on in our world right now. Simon Pegg acts his heart out during the last act. We also get more of Esai Morales’s Gabriel, the main human antagonist. He remains very suave and very cool. 

Tom Cruise is still the best thing about this film and this franchise. He is absolutely fearless, and continues to find time to act amidst all the action. For a film that runs close to 3 hours, you don’t feel the runtime (a definite plus). This flick feels like it’s constantly running at full speed (not unlike Tom Cruise/Ethan Hunt in every Mission: Impossible film). 

Unfortunately, not all that glitters is gold with this supposedly final entry into the Mission: Impossible franchise. Final Reckoning attempts to tie elements of the first and third Mission: Impossible films into this one. The effort is appreciated, but results in many clips of scenes from those films and a multitude of references. One assumes it’s all done in an effort to catch newcomers up, but these portions only detract and distract from the plot and action at hand. 

The editing was poor as well. It works well-enough during the aforementioned cabin, sub, and plane set-pieces, but there are plenty of other moments where it can lead to confusion or whiplash (the editing tends to jump back and forth between past and present, and the present and an anticipated future outcome). There also feels like there was at least 30 minutes to an hour that was crudely chopped out of the first act. 

The last big issue is one that is common with almost all of the Mission:Impossible films: It always seems certain that every one of our leads is going to make it out ok (and throwing one out of the film early on doesn’t have the “no one is safe” effect the filmmakers likely intended it to). 

The Mission:Impossible franchise has always felt like disposable fun. The action is always high-quality, but that’s all they’ve really ever had to offer. The same goes for Final Reckoning. It’s not a bad movie, but its flaws seem more noticeable than others in the franchise. 

If you want to watch Tom Cruise on the big screen, want to see some phenomenal action, or if you’ve seen every Mission:Impossible film thus far, then Final Reckoning makes for an easy recommendation. If you don’t fall into any one of those three categories, though, you might do best to spend your hard-earned cash elsewhere.

3.5 STARS