BEETLE'S SUPERHERO FILMS OF 2011

Hey there beetleheads!!!!! As I'm sure you already know the summer of 2011 was host to quite a few films about our favorite tight wearing do-gooders. I, your humble reviewer, made it my quest to sit through every superhero film of the summer. Now, after the successful completion of said quest, I rank the superhero films of summer 2011.

Ranking in at # 4 is the abysmally bad Green Lantern.

Yup, I was looking forward to this one quite a bit. While the first trailer failed to impress me, the newer ones actually got me psyched, then the reviews came out. While it does boast a few impressive sequences the film ends up killing itself. Hal Jordan is quickly established as an asshole who only cares about himself, how are audiences supposed to root for someone like that, seriously??? The meek nerd Hector Hammond is way more sympathetic, but he ends up being one of the main villains, so we kinda can't root for him (although there are times where we are tempted). Carol Ferris is reduced to a stereotyped love interest for our 'hero", why, because every superhero film needs a love interest (groan). Not to mention, the 3-D was unimpressive and the graphics rarely amazed. While the film manages to set up the mythology of the Green Lantern Corps. quite nicely, the film is thrown together with extremely poor direction, editing, and a god-awful script (Just about the only standout parts are on Oa, the home of the Lanterns, and even that crucial location is reduced to less than a handful of scenes). The film is a big, sloppy mess that is pretty hard to sit through, and don't get me started on the post-credit scene. In the end, The Green Lantern Corps. deserved a movie better than this. Reboot please??? 2 stars

Ranking in at the # 3 spot is Thor.

Thor was the first super hero film of the summer, and it started things out with a bang. While there is little to no plot, the graphics are the real star here. All actors do a pretty bang up here and are pretty likeable (even the villain of the film, Loki, is pretty sympathetic and comes across as a real character. His motives are completely understandable, if not a little fucked up). Anthony Hopkins puts on his best performance in years as odin, and Chris Hemsworth is great as spoiled hot-headed prince Thor who is banished to Earth after he disobeys one of his father's orders and starts a war in the process. While the stuff on Earth is a little lead-footed and boring, and the romance between Thor and Jane Foster (a typically hot Natalie Portman) feels forced and fake (She falls in love with Thor for no apparent reason other than he looks good with his shirt off) fans will be sure to find something to like here, if not the cool Norse mythological aspects, or the interesting blend of science and magic, then maybe the amazing visuals. All-in-all Thor adds up to quite an epic adventure. 3 1/2 stars

Ranking in at the # 2 spot is Captain America

Joe Johnston directs Captain America, he also directed The Rocketeer and boy does it show: both are period pieces that have a campiness about them and a fun spirit of adventure. The films beginning is one of the strongest parts as we are introduced to Steve and are given his background and get to see why he really is already a true hero, even though those around him don't know it yet. In fact, I'd dare say the strongest thing about Captain America is how they set up and handle Steve's character. He is instantly likeable and relateable. He may be weak, but he's got one strong set of values and damn is it hard not to fall in love with him (no homo). He is a kid that just wants to serve his country, he doesn't want to kill anyone, and he respects his country so much that he gets into a fight with someone because they were mocking some news reels about the war. Another strong character is Steve's lady friend Peggy Carter (Played by Hayley Atwell), she is one of the higher ups in the military that immediately takes a liking to Steve. She is very witty and has a somewhat tough exterior but as the film continues forward we see that start to melt. Her standout scene is when she enters a restaurant in a red dress, I dare you not to look at her in that thing. Unfortunately, this film does have a weak point and that is the Nazi elements. Hydra (a special faction of the Nazi party) are neither much threatening or scary, Hugo Weaving isn't given much to do except to scowl and try and look menacing, and the films macguffin (The Cosmic Cube) isn't explained all that well and it's power is never fully defined, thus every time the story focuses on the Nazis I grew bored. Despite this though, Captain America is still one super film. It manages to please the comic nerds by throwing in neat little details from previous films and the comics (Bucky, Stark Con, Black Widow, etc.) while also serving as wish fulfillment for any nerdy weakling that has ever been picked on and put down. I'd say it's on par with Iron Man, it's nothing we haven't seen before but it's in the handling of the material that makes this film great! 4 stars

And the # 1 superhero film of the summer is X-Men First Class

I wasn't particularly looking forward to this film. To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of origin stories but I'll be damned if this isn't the best one I've seen....EVER. It manages to explain just about everything I wanted an answer to without feeling crammed. What really impressed me though, is that the explanations it gave actually made sense. First class takes place in the 60s and the look, feel, and language of the film is shaped by that era. It really is a neat period piece that incorporates elements from Inglourious Bastards, spy films, and superhero films. In other words, it's one groovy hybrid. Surprisingly, one of the easiest characters to root for was Magneto (Michael Fassbender) who is back in Inglourious Basterds mode here. He gets a neat backstory, and does most of the ass-kicking in the film. Another neat character is Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) who is pretty smart, but uses his wits and charm as a way to woo ladies and to raise mutant awareness. The leading lady (of sorts) in this film is the incredibly hot Mystique (Jenniffer Lawrence, who pretty much gets a full frontal nude scene in one scene where she is blue) she is kind of like Xavier's sister, but she wants to mean more to him than just that. There is also the feeling that there is real bond of friendship between Professor X and Magneto, this in itself makes the film that much stronger. Overall, X-Men First Class is a well-rounded, supremely well-done film and even though Kevin Bacons antagonist may be a little bit too cheesy for my tastes, that still does not take away from the fun and thrills to be had here. And please, no sequels....this ones good enough to be a stand alone film. 4.5 stars

Well there you have it, The superhero films of summer 2011, I hope my rankings have helped you decide which of these films will be worth you time. I hope you had as much fun reading this post as I had writing and living it. Till next time beetleheads....STAY GROOVY.

HORRIBLE BOSSES- COMEDY OF THE YEAR???

Is Horrible Bosses the comedy of the year??? I mean any film that starts out with the song 'The Underdog' by Spoon should be good, right, especially since the song fits perfectly into the film. Sure, the trailers looked hilarious, but thats barely a way to accurately judge how funny or good a comedy will be. Take Bad Teacher for example: the trailers for that film were hilarious, but the film itself ended up being disappointingly mediocre. I had high hopes for Horrible Bosses, but I always remembered that it could easily end up being a huge unfunny flop. You can imagine my trepidation as I took my seat. Will this really be funny, or should I chalk this up as another failed attempt at comedy to the films of 2011??? So, what's my final verdict???

Horrible Bosses ended up being more than I could ever hope for. It's a cathartic release of unbridled laughter and good feelings, after all, who hasn't ever dreamed about offing that annoying co-worker or ball busting boss they have to deal with every damned day. That's exactly what Horrible Bosses is essentially about. Three pals; Dale, Nick, and Kurt have 3 of the worst bosses on Earth. One day they decide enough is enough and formulate a plan to off each other's bosses.

The thing that makes the film work is the script and the actors in it.

Jennifer Anniston is fucking HOT in this film. I've never been attracted to her before, but I'll be damned if this film hasnt changed my mind about her. Not only is she hot, but she's got some of the funniest scenes in the film. It's a riot to see what she puts poor, timid Dale through on a daily basis. I don't know about you guys, but I don't think having Jennifer Anniston constantly hunting for my dick is something to complain about.

Kevin Spacey is suitably terrifying and tormenting in his role as crazed psycho-boss, however I didn't find his performance here anything to scream to the heavens about. He does what is required of him, and he does have some LOL moments but he's probably the only more-or-less serious character in the film. There's nothing wrong with that, but there is a point in the film where he begins to take precedence over the other bosses, and that detracted from the overall experience. All I could think as his role slowly became larger and larger was: Where did Jennifer Anniston go??

Colin Farrell is hilarious as the coke-addled moron who inherits the company that Kurt works for. He's mainly in the first half of the film, and his scenes are as gut-busting as Anniston's are. He never seemed like much of a threat to be honest, with the way he was acting it's only a matter of time before another disgruntled employee put a gun to this dude's head. Still, he makes for quite a memorable semi-villain in the film.

Jamie Foxx is perfect as the man with the golden name: Motherfucker Jones. That's right, you heard me correctly his name really is Motherfucker Jones. Do I need to say anything more???? He plays a bad-ass hitman of sorts that Dale, Kurt, and Nick go to for advice and help. I really enjoyed every scene he was in as he was equal parts dead serious and hilarious, finding the right mixture of each so his character came across as balanced and real.

As great as these characters are though, the ones that make the film so damn enjoyable are Dale, Kurt, and Nick. Our three protagonists who are sort of modern day heroes to the everyman. Yes, their idiots; yes, their in way over their heads, but they have the inititaive and the drive to see their plan through all the way to the end. They HATE their bosses, I mean REALLY HATE their bosses, and who can blame them??? Sudeikis, Bateman, and Day are perfectly cast and play off each other constantly. I'd dare say alot of their scenes were probably adlibbed. They come across as real friends that have been together for a long time, and I love that. There's real chemistry there and in the end, that's the biggest selling point of the film: their chemistry.

Jason Sudeikis is great as Kurt, who's new boss is Bobby (Collin Farrell). Kurt is the smooth ladies man of the group that always knows what to say to really turn her on. It's fun to see his frustration as he tries to communicate and talk sense into moronic Bobby, who only cares about making a quick buck and firing people that make him feel uncomfortable. As he tries to explain to Bobby that this is wrong, his expressions say it all: It's like trying to talk sense into a child. He's fucking hilarious.

Jason Bateman is Nick, the center of the group and the more-or-less rational one. He works for Dave Harken (Kevin Spacey) who terrorizes Nick, teases him, and humiliates him all for his own personal enjoyment. Nick is a man who has worked hard for many years and put up with all the shit Harken has put him through, and when Harken inevitably draws the line and Nick tries to stand up for himself for the first time, seeing Harken's ruthless attitude as he claims Nick as "His Bitch" and Nick's reaction to this is a very real moment in the film that puts us fully on Nick's side and makes us hate Harken all the more. Oh yeah, and Nick is VERY funny as well.

Charlie Day is Dale, the timid and shy underling to Jennifer Anniston's nympho dentist Julia Harris. Dale is engaged to a beautiful woman. This infuriates Julia to no end, since she thinks Dale is HERS. She continually comes at him with a sexual aggressiveness that, I'm not gonna lie, actually turned me on. Scary, I know. Seeing Dale's terrified reactions to her behavior is gut-wrenchingly, slap your knee till it's red hilarious. It does make you wonder though, what do dentists do when they put you out. They could dress us up in funny outfits and make us do humiliating poses and we would be none the wiser.

Behind every great film, there is a superb script that holds everything together, and Horrible Bosses is no different. While I do suspect that there was a good amount of adlibbing going on in the film, there is still no denying that there is a strong prescence of a script here. The script by Michael Markowitz, John Francis Daley, and Johnathan M. Goldstein, and the direction by Seth Gordon pile on the laughs, but keep the film moving at an even pace for the duration of its running time. That is what makes this film so goddamned good. Yes, it's HILARIOUS, but it never runs ahead of itself or loses steam. The film moves at a consistent rate, and thank god for that.

Now we move back to my question I proposed at the beginning of the review: Is Horrible Bosses the best comedy of 2011??? Well, I'm gonna go out on a ledge here and say yes...I think it is. It's evenly paced, got strong direction, has great actors and characters, and generates a lot of laughs. As I said before, It's downright cathartic, and I'm pretty sure I've never used that phrase when referring to a comedy before. Horrible Bosses will leave you with a "Feel Good" feeling, and will keep you laughing from beginning to end, and in this age where we have witnessed a depression, where our country is currently at war, and where our personal lives have been tainted by the economic crash...well, I think what we need now more than ever is to laugh and feel good, and that's exactly what Horrible Bosses offers us: A chance to sit back and laugh for a good hour + and forget our problems. It's medicine that's candy flavored. You MUST see Horrible Bosses.

5/5 Stars BETTER THAN SEX

SUPER 8 IS MINT

Let's be honest. The films of today will never be as great as the films of yesteryear (in terms of production value, quality, etc.), nobody knows this better than Steven Spielberg and JJ Abrams. Together, they teamed up to create one of the most perfect films I have EVER had the joy of watching. It's an intiguing blend of Sci-fi, Romance, Nostalgia, Action, Adventure, and buddy flick. It's called Super 8, and if I must say so myself it is indeed quite super.

The story here is of Joe Lamb, a young pre-adolescent that is suffering from the loss of his mother. He's got a pretty rad group of friends (Charles: the director, Martin: The actor, Cary: the explosives "expert", and Preston. Joe is in charge of makeup) , and together they traverse their small town of Lillian making films. One day, they make the trek to a train station to film a scene for their film and just so happen to witness an exhilarating train crash. As the boys and one girl (new inductee to the group Alice Dainard) flee something emerges from the wreckage and slowly begins to wreak havoc on the small town. As Joe and Alice try to piece together the ongoing mystery they begin to experience new emotions for each other.

As an honorary member of the Spielberg era (I was born in the 90's but grew up with all his classic films. To be honest I really do wish I had grown up in the 70's so I could have seen all those classics in theatres. It would have been awesome!!!) Super 8 seemed to be tailor made for me. It does take place sometime in the 70's and has several neat nods in tone to some of Speilberg's films from that era including but not limited to Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Goonies, and ET. This gives the whole film a very cool nostalgic vibe that I really loved. Super 8 hearkens back to a time when movies were simpler, but made much more of a personal impact on audiences. It understands that movies work best when they make a connection with the viewer. I know that Super 8 definently made a connection with me, right from the opening scene which, without one line of dialogue, immediately tells us what has just occurred and beautifully creates this tragic sense of sadness that continues to exist underneath the surface of the film. In this way does it follow the rule that so many movies break these days: show, don't tell, and I love it for doing that. I also could relate to the group of kids in the film. I grew up acting and I've always had a passion for movies and the art of making them. I'm sure that if you had a childhood similar to the kids in the film, most of the funny parts will seem much more funny...they sure did to me.

Despite it's insistence that it is a sci-fi film, Super 8 works best when it is focusing on it's young protagonists and delving into their personal lives and friendships. The two most outstanding actors in the film are Elle Fanning, who plays Alice, and Joel Courtney, who plays Joe. they have an undeniable chemistry and play their roles with just the right sense of wonderment at the proceeding events. In one scene, when Elle goes from being stone cold to being close to tears and then cooly asking if that was good enough for the take that Charles was filming...it's a thing of beauty. She is given ample opportunity to show off her acting prowess here and she does not disappoint, most moviegoers will find themselves falling in lover with as Joe does. Joel also gets more than enough screen time to show us what he's got, and he does not disappoint either. from his first melancholy scene to his last look of bewildered wonderment he proves that he is one of the most prominent child actors today. It is a thing of beauty to watch Elle and Joel interact together and play off each other, often times their portrayals giving me some serious chills. One scene that sticks out is when, despite her father's warnings, Alice sneaks over to Joel's place and some serious conversations ensue. seriously guys, keep your eyes on Elle and Joel, they are a force to be reckoned with.

The other child actors do a superb job here as well. Ryan Lee is absolutely hilarious as Cary, the zany one of the group. Gabriel Basso is also pretty damned funny as Martin, and Zach Mills as Preston is also pretty cool but doesn't really make a lasting impression. By far, the one that stick out the most in the group is Riley Griffiths as Charles. He knows when to play it up for laughs and when to slow it down and play it more serious, whats best is that he never comes across as trying to be funny. His friendship with Joe is another one of the best things about the film. They are real buddies and genuinely care about one another. The best scene they share together is when Charles reveal a surprising plot element that most films these days overlook completely. He is a believable character that I cared about in this film, in fact I cared about every single one of the kids.

As a group, the kids interactions with each other are believable and come across as genuine and real. This is how kids talk, what they discuss and fantasize about in their spare time, and this is the kind of adventure every kid in their right mind dreams of having one day. It's a real delight to see the kids interact and play off of each other, and it's also pretty cool to be able to delve into their friendships and see what makes each of them tick. The group dynamic is by far one of the best things about Super 8.

Rounding out the cast are the lead adults. There's Kyle Chandler as Jackson Lamb, Joel's father and town deputy that is struggling to balance his new role as sole parent and his position as deputy. Only complicating things are the persistent military that invades the town after the train crash and lead Jackson to do some investigating of his own. There's Ron Eldard as Louis Dainard, Alice's drunkard of a father. He does care about his daughter but his alcoholic tendencies keep getting in the way of his role as dad. There's also David Gallagher as the funny stoner dude Donny. He's got a crush on Charles' sister and comes to the group's rescue several times throughout the film. He makes for another enjoyable and hilarious character in the film.

Super 8 takes many risks, and in an age where films are perfectly comfortable to play it safe that's a huge achievement. It isn't afraid to place it's kid protagonists in danger several times throughout the film, and unlike the newest Indiana Jones film it actually feels dangerous and there is always the risk that they may not make it out of this alive.

There are several huge set pieces that really blew me away in Super 8, but by far the most impressive is the fantastic train wreck sequence that seems to go on forever (this is a good thing). Train cars fly through the air, some catch on fire, fireballs explode and fly dangerously close to our protagonists and when you think it's over it's really just begun. Like the energizer bunny, the sequence keeps going and going and going. It was phenomenal. Every single action scene in the film was superbly done and is unforgettable once viewed.

Super 8, despite it's numerous accomplishments, does have one major downfall: it tries to do too much. Between trying to be a nostalgic look back at the good old days of moviemaking, and trying to be a look at our bygone days of youth and what it was like to be a kid, and trying to be a coming of age story, and also trying to be an exciting sci-fi film, Super 8 ultimately becomes a bit bogged down. To be honest though, you barely notice this except at some of the slower moments of the film and even then it's only a fleeting realiziation. Super 8 shoots for the moon but gets the stars instead, it's not so much of a loss as it is a happy shortcoming ( my only other complaint is that the film focuses too much on the monster's story and not enough time on the kids). Don't let this deter you from seeing the film though, because it is still pretty damned perfect in just about every way nontheless.

Super 8 is many things: Mainly it's a nostalgic film wrapped in pretty sci-fi wrappings. I, for one, want to see more films like this. I like the vibe the film gave off, and it really does feel like you are opening the coolest, most rad time capsule ever when you view this film. It's fucking neat. Super 8, despite a few shortcomings, is an instant classic that will become one for the ages. Needless to say it will probably become my personal favorite film of the summer, possibly the year. As Charles would say: It's mint.

4.5/5 Stars

BREAKING DAWN TRAILER IS RELEASED, TEEN GIRLS EVERYWHERE SCREAM WITH JOY

Yes, unfortunately it is getting closer to that time of year again. That foul time of the year where an ever ruthless Hollywood takes advantage of the teen female demographic by releasing yet another god-damned Twilight film. STOP IT ALREADY!!!!

For those not in the know, the first teaser trailer for Breaking Dawn has just been released at the MTV Movie Awards. Being a critic, I (unfortunately) had to watch the trailer for myself. Here are my thoughts.

The trailer hits all the right notes for Twilight fans. it makes them feel special by saying they are invited to Edward and Bella's wedding, pulls on their heart strings by reminding them that this is the first part of the end, and it tickles their under regions with sexed up clips of Edward, Bella, and a shirtless Jacob wolfing out.

That said, the trailer did nothing for me. Let's face it, I'm not a Twilight fan, most guys aren't. The only way any self-respecting guy would go to a Twilight film would be if their girl dragged them to it.

While I look forward to the new Twilight film with the right amount of dread, others rejoice (why, I'll never be able to figure out). It's just another product of a system that is eager to exploit a dumb demographic that is so easy to manipulate. So rest easy Hollywood, knowing that soon your piggy banks will be overflowing with dumb teenage girl money.

(For those of you wondering why there is no link to the trailer of Breaking Dawn it's because I didn't post one. If you want to watch the trailer you'll have to look that shit up for yourself.)

BEETLE BOOKS A FLIGHT TO A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY IN STAR TOURS 2: THE RIDE!!!

I'm ready to post my in-depth spoiler filled review of Star Tours 2. If you don't want anything spoiled for you...please, don't read any further.



Ok, so I arrived at the Star Tours terminal to find the line was out the door. Unfortunately, it was 90 degrees outside and most of the waiting was done in the extended Endor queue, so I was a puddle of sweat by the time I finally made it inside.

Anyways, I can't begin to describe how refreshing the cool air inside was once I finally made it in. The first room looks brand spankin new, with a shiny new starspeeder, and a jaw dropping HD screen that acts as both a terminal sign and a place to view ads for Star Tours. It also has a new lighting scheme that gives the whole area a nice cool blue hue. Back in this area is R2 and C-3PO. They spout out new pieces of dialogue along with old (possibly re-recorded) dialogue, working on the starspeeder in front of us and taking time out to comment on the ads we view. It's a nice mixture of new and old, sure to please both new and returning guests.


The next room used to be a droid repair room, but has been redesigned as a security terminal. The same 2 droids are back and have been all polished up. they are both shiny and, if I didn't know any better, I could swear look brand new (want proof they aren't??? The one checking luggage still has webbed feet!!!!). The first thing any fan of the original Star Tours will notice is our rookie pilot RX, labeled defective. He sparks occasionally and spits out dialogue that we've all heard him say in the original version. (I must say, I do miss good old RX). The next item you will encounter is the luggage scanner droid and the neat little effect that accompanies him. Pieces of luggage are stopped, scanned, and then the droid takes a few seconds to comment on what he observes. I caught a toy Ewok, some items that looked like blasters (according to the droid they were hair dryers), and storm trooper helmets. As you move on from this area you will pass under a window where the silhouettes of characters pass by, be sure to take a few seconds to watch this effect as you'll never know who you'll see or what you'll witness. After passing the window, you'll encounter the body scanner droid. He'll scan you (look at the monitor he stands above...it really does scan your body!!!) and make some (pre-recorded) comments. One comment I remember was him telling us not to watch the scanner, cuz that's his job. I also remember him shuffling us along into the next area.

After the Security Terminal you'll pass thru an arch (for lack of a better word) of sorts (similar to what can be found in MIB and the old Body Wars attraction). Beyond the arch is a diagram of the Starspeeder 1k. Shortly after passing this you will be directed to your departure gate. This is also where you pick up those cool looking 3-D shades.

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILRS LIE AHEAD!!!! IF YOU DO NOT WANT ANYTHING SPOILED FOR YOU PLEASE STOP READING NOW

While waiting for your staspeeder we get a glimpse as droids prep our starspeeder for takeoff. While we are watching C-3PO bumbles his way into the cabin. It would appear that both ACE and our Staspeeder require a few last second repairs. After Ace leaves and C-3PO takes a seat in the captain's chair, the Shield window closes, trapping C-3PO inside. After this, a quick safety video plays ( be sure to keep an eye out for a passenger that resembles the original spokeswoman for Star Tours) and our Starspeeder is lifted into the loading gate. Shortly after this the gate doors fly open and we are ushered to our seats.

I'm not sure, but I believe that our Starspeeder is the same one from before...only it's been polished up quite a bit. It looks BRAND NEW!!!!

Once our seatbelts are buckled, the starspeeder doors close and we begin our journey. A small screen to the right of the shield window comes on showing C-3PO. A voice comes on over the intercom telling us that we are ready to depart and that the captain should prepare the speeder. C-3PO panics, saying that we cannot take off because our captain is not back yet. Since C-3PO fails to comply with orders an automatic start-up is initiated and our shield window slides down, revealing the C-3PO full motion animatronic and the Star Tours departure port in glorious 3-D. The screen isn't really hi-def but does have a crystal clear quality that the original ride lacked. It never feels like we are watching a screen, but instead that we are looking out a window. It gives you a YOU-ARE-THERE feeling and I can happily report that the 3-D never utilizes any cheap tricks that are usually so common in theme park shows that utilize this common technology.

The opening sequence I received was the Vader one. A Terminal droid guides our starspeeder up and around a corner. C-3PO tells R2 that he is not designed to captain a ship and to turn us around before something bad happens. As if on cue, Vader glides into view, accompanied by a whole battalion of Stormtroopers. He stops our ship and tells us that he has received intel that a rebel spy is on board and that he intends to board our ship so he can retrieve him/her/them. R2 tries to hi-tail us out of there but Vader doesn't take too kindly to this and force grabs our ship, moving us around in what has got to be one of the coolest effects I've ever witnessed (I seriously crapped my jeans). R2 deploys our blaster cannons and takes aim at Vader, as he deflects the shots with his lightsaber R2 accelerates us back and out of the Star Tours terminal where we shoot down some Tie Fighters. After this he warps us to lightspeed (another cool effect as we tilt backwards).

Once out of Lightspeed I found that we had arrived at Hoth, where a full fledged AT-AT battle with the Rebel Alliance was under way. we dodge shots from AT-ATs, but before we can make it out of there R2 reports to C-3PO that we have lost power to our thrusters, to which C-3PO replies: "Are those important?" We find ourselves gliding dangerously close to an AT-AT which takes aim at us, we are hit by one of the blasts and manage to barely glide under one of his feet (It almost crushes us) as we hit the ground and continue forward and up a slope where we come to a halt. We are teetering over a deep ledge (Our starspeeder is leaning forward...another cool effect). C-3PO tells us not to move. We begin to fall and he tells us that he meant everybody move, LEAN BACK!!! It's too late though as we go completely over the ledge and into a short toboggan run. C-3PO yells at R2 to DO SOMETHING. R2 steers us up a side of the valley we are in, our speeder shoots up the side and into the air where we regain our thrusters and R2 accelerates us back out into space. We receive a transmission from Yoda, after which we go into Lightspeed once again.

After coming out of Lightspeed for the 2nd time, I found that we had arrived at the planet Geonosis. Our Starspeeder flies towards the planet and gets caught in it's rings (consisting of large astroids). It is at this point that Bobba Fett (in his ship) appears. C-3PO comments: A Bounty Hunter!!! He says something like: You cannot hide from me and then starts firing at us. C-3PO guides our starspeeder, dodging the blasts from Bobba Fett while R2 deploys our blaster cannons and our speeder fires off at the asteroids that lay in our path. We eventually make it out of Geonosis' rings only to fly directly into Vader's path. Vader says the CLASSIC line: I have you now and C-3PO takes evasive action, diving our Starspeeder deep into the Death Star. Once in it's core C-3PO says: Hang on, I'm getting us out of here!!! R2 makes a comment and C-3PO retorts saying that he knows what he's doing. He takes us into the flight bay for the Death Star and we narrowly avoid hitting some stormtroopers (who dive for cover) as we escape out of the flight bay only to be halted by bobba once again. He tells us: Say goodbye, rebel spy. and shoots out a supersonic bomb at us. R2 shoots it before it can hit us. Bobba Fett fires off another one and R2 shoots it while it's near Bobba, sending Bobba flying sideways, our Starspeeder is thrust backwards from the explosion (It's MASSIVE) and while Bobba is distracted by the balst C-3PO order R2 to send us into Lightspeed again. We escape and arrive at a Rebel aircraft, Admiral Ackbar comes in on the small screen and welcomes us, saying they were beginning to worry. They ask if the spy is all right and C-3Po says that the spy is fine, but may be a little bit shaken. We land in the flight bay for the craft and a bunch of rebels gather around our vehicle and applaud us. C-3PO tells us to be careful out there because the empire is watching.

Our Starspeeder lowers back to the loading platform and the shield window rises back into place...the last thing we hear C-3PO say is: Can anyone tell us the way back to a Star Tours Flight Terminal??"

And that's it!!!! My whole first flight on Star Tours 2. I got to ride it again later on in the day, getting the same beginning and ending, but with a pit stop to Tattoine (Was pretty cool, but I feel didn't really seem to fit into the ride's story. C-3PO basically enters us into a pod race where we encounter a bufferer; I think that's what he called him; and get stuck to someone's thrusters, giving us enough boost to win the race), and we received a new transmission from Leia (WHICH WAS AWESOME!!!! It was funny to see C-3PO's awed reaction to her. After this R2 says that he's going to follow the co-ordinates that she sent him and C-3PO complains saying: We will do no such thing but R2 takes over snd sends us to the co-ordinates nontheless).

So, overall I think that Star Tours 2 is a VAST improvement over Star Tours. the 3-D doesn't feel gimmicky at all and gives the whole experience a YOU-ARE-THERE vibe.. not to mention I felt like a bad-ass with those shades on. The queue has basically been re-themed and it feels really nice to travel thru it. The ride itself is something else....All I could say once I got off was: WOOOOOOOW. All-In-All Star Tours 2 is not only a superior ( and smooth, the movements of the sim fit the screen PERFECTLY) simulator experience, it's also one of the best rides in the park.

So next time you're in Disney Hollywood Studios be sure to book a flight with Star Tours, you won't regret it!!

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN ON STRANGER TIDES IS THE BEST OF THE PIRATE SEQUELS

After a good four year absence from the big screen Jack Sparrow sails back into theaters for the fourth installment of the Pirates franchise, Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.

On Stranger Tides takes the Franchise back to its roots (more or less) for another tale involving the supernatural. It is a strange film indeed, but an entertaining one (especially in 3-D, but more on that later) that manages to hold viewers attention for the duration of its running time.

The story this time around is more character centric than what some may be used to. Jack Sparrow inadvertently bumbles his way onto the Queen Annes Revenge where he gets tangled up in a quest for the Fountain of Youth which involves his lost love Angelica (played by Penelope Cruz) and the fearsome pirate Blackbeard. Back for the ride are Barbossa and Gibbs from the original trilogy.

The plot of On Stranger Tides is more-or-less thrown together out of ideas and good intentions. It never really sticks out as anything special, and I must say it was difficult for me to write the main plot synopsis because the plot is mainly made up of sub-plots and alternate stories. There's the story of Jack and Angelica; a lover whom he scorned and surprisingly feels bad about wronging and actually loves, there's the story of Blackbeard and The Fountain, there's the story of Blackbeard and the prophecy, there's the story of Blackbeard and Angelica, there's the story of Barbossa and Blackbeard, there's the story of Jack and The Black Pearl, and there's the obligatory love story of a missionary and a mermiad.

The main plot thread actually does not involve the fountain of youth, but focuses mainly on Jack trying to right the wrongs he committed to Natalie, his attempts to deal with his conflicting emotions about her (as Jack himself says several times throughout the film: Natalie is a very bad person), and his attempts to keep her safe from harm throughout the film. It's a very interesting character change for Sparrow. He goes from being a man that only cares about himself to one that is able to care about others, and it's pretty darned cool to watch as this happens.

On Stranger Tides not only has some pretty tangled plot threads, but it also has a pretty damned cool villain in the guise of Blackbeard. A dirty, foul pirate who's heart is as black as his boots. Pretty much every character has his or her reasons for wanting to find the Fountain (Jack- Because he fancies the idea of eternal youth, Angelica- For the fame and money etc etc etc) and Blackbeard is no different. In the film there is a pretty nasty prophecy floating around involving Blackbeard and his demise. Now, Blackbeard seems to enjoy doing nasty, evil things and has no plans to stop doing so anytime soon, which is why he is hellbent on finding the fountain. He is not afraid to shoot, maim, kill, or seriously burn anyone who disobeys him, questions his authority, or gets in the way of him and his much sought after prize. He is a crazed madman with absolutely no redeeming qualities to him whatsoever, and that's why I love him so. He's sadistically,unapologetically evil, he knows this, isn't afraid to admit it, and won't apologize for his actions. He's; quite simply; great... brought to all too terrifying life by the great actor Ian McShane.

It's also quite fun to watch as Captain Jack goes about trying to somewhat control Blackbeard's actions throughout the film and watch Jack's reactions as his plans continually backfire, with sometimes disastrous harm to those around him. As much as he tries to make himself out to be a selfish, careless pirate, Captain jack is actually much more human...a fact that is more obvious than it has been before and that that he hates to be reminded of. There are points in On Stranger Tides where Jack's actions are meant to protect and save others, which is very cool considering he IS a pirate after all.

The character of Angelica is also great in just about every way. She is a pretty complicated character: equal parts selfish, greedy and self-centered but also caring, sympathetic and selfless. Like all human beings she is filled with contradictions. When around Jack she knows how to lay on the sexuality and charm to turn him to jello. She promises him a slot as her partner once they find the Fountain of Youth, a prospect that Jack is quite excited about. At the same time though, Jack is fully aware that she is a selfish, greedy, all-around BAD human being. While at times Jack appears to have fallen under her spell, he still manages to stay in control of the situation no matter how hot or tempting she may get. Her first scene where her bosom pops out into the theater (You gotta love the 3-D) she firmly establishes herself as a memorable heroine/villain in the film.

Barbossa is back as well in this film, although he is missing a piece or two (You''ll see what I mean). In this film he is working for the British Government as a Privateer that is also in the race to find the Fountain of Youth. It feels good to have Brbossa back in this film, and the scenes he shares with Jack are memorable and funny, exactly as they should be. Can I just say that Sparrow and Barbossa really are one of the best screen duos I've seen in a while.

Also back is Joshamee Gibbs. Here he falls in with Barbossa's crew and helps both Barbossa and Jack achieve what they are looking for. He shares some funny and entertaining scenes with Sparrow as well. His and Sparrows relationship is that of buddy/buddy and Dog/Owner...it really is quite amusing.

Now, like all other Pirates films ,On Stranger Tides has a love story thrown in. A young missionary named Philip (Sam Claflin) finds himself falling for a mermaid he names Syrena (Astrid Berges-Frisbey) that Blackbeard's crew needs in order to get the waters of the Fountain of Youth to do their magic "eternal youth" thing. This is by far the weakest part of the film, and the filmmakers could have thrown out this plotline altogether and the film would have been much better for it. Philip and Syrena make sad-eyes at each other throughout the film, to a point where I wanted to vomit. In fact, Philip barely serves any purpose at all in the film. He continually begs with Blackbeard to show mercy and kindness to others, but we already know that it's a worthless cause...people like Blackbeard can't and don't deserve to be saved. He is an annoying, whining little snot.

One of the more interesting aspects of the film (even though it does lead into the god-awful romance portion) is the characters of the mermaids. These beautiful, tempting, half-naked creatures sing lullabyes and sweet nothings to sailors to lull them into a false sense of security and then they drag them from their ships, pull them to the bottom of the ocean and eat them alive. They are truly the monsters of the sea, mesmerizingly beautiful but deadly. Syrena is the main mermaid of the film, and quite possibly the youngest one of the bunch (most likely in her early 20s). Throughout most of the film the question is raised if she is different from her deadly sisters, but sadly we never get a satisfying answer to this.

On Stranger Tides was shot in 3-D and is the first Pirates film to do so. The backgrounds, settings, and fight scenes all look so good in 3D I have to create my own word to describe them. FanMazing (a mix of Fantastic and Amazing). They look Fanmazing (Copyright pending) in 3-D. While there are portions where objects jut out of the screens and things go flying out into the theater (It's worth the price alone for the super cool 3-D effect involving Blackbeard at the end of the film...I almost crapped my pants), for the most part the 3-D is used to add an extra dimension of depth to the proceedings and to create a YOU-ARE-THERE feeling to the film. It's one of the few times where the 3-D is not a waste of money and actually adds something meaningful and worthwhile to the film. So, go ahead and fook out the extra few bucks to see this baby in 3-D, trust me, you won't regret it.

On Stranger Tides is the best out of the Pirate sequels. It doesn't feel like a blatant cash grab like Dead Mans Chest (I did love Dead Mans Chest, but it doesn't feel like a complete film due to its cliffhanger ending, and having the main focus be on Sparrow, while entertaining, just didn't feel right), and it's MOUNDS better than it's god-awful predecessor At Worlds End.

Overall, while it's plot may be a bit muddied (let's be honest....no one goes to these films for the plot, they go for Jack ), On Stranger Tides still manges to bring the franchise back to its roots and is more of a stand alone film than the other sequels. It feels good to have Jack back as more of a secondary character that is more-or-less just tagging along for the ride. Fun, silly, and jaw-dropping in all the right ways; On Stranger Tides recaptures the spirit of Black Pearl while managing to stand on its own two sea legs as it's own film. It's a pretty decent sized success that is the first great film to emerge from the movie offerings of this summer.

4/5 Stars- FULL PRICE

THAT RABBIT'S DYNAMITE: BEETLE'S REVIEW OF HOP

Right in time for the Easter season, Hop hops into theaters to fill that empty void created by the lack of Easter films found in cinemas today. While it is by no means a "great" film Hop still manages to accomplish what it set out to do, which was to essentially create a fun, enjoyable family film that celebrates the joys of Easter (mainly the wondrous joys of eating candy).

Hop is the story of EB (voiced with an undeniable charm by Russel Brand), the son of The Easter Bunny (Voiced by Hugh Laurie). He lives on Easter Island in a huge candy factory with his dad, some bunnies and a workforce of cute chicks (as in the fowl variety, not the girl variety) led by Carlos (Voiced by Hank Azaria), the main chick in charge of operations who dreams of becoming the Easter Bunny. Among the cute chicks one stands out, an over enthusiastic one named Phil (also voiced by Hank Azaria) that has a passion for music and dancing (he was one of my favorite characters). EB is the next in line to become the new Easter Bunny, a fate he is not too thrilled about. You see, EB's passion is drumming, and he's SUPER good at it and thus has bigger plans for his life that include more than just hopping around the world one night and delivering Easter baskets. On the eve of his coronation as the new Easter Bunny, EB flees Easter Island and travels to Hollywood to achieve his dream of becoming an all star drummer. Shortly after arriving though, his face has a nasty run in with the front of a car being driven by aimless slacker Fred O'Hare (James Marsden). After several hi-jinx he decides to help EB achieve his dream (if no other reason that it will get EB out of his life) and together they form an unlikely duo.

Russel Brand is great as the cute little bunny that effectively turns Fred's life upside down. He voices the character of EB with a good dose of charm, mischievousness, and innocence. James Marsden also does a good job with the character of Fred O'Hare. While he isn;t exactly sympathetic (I actually took the dads side, this dude needs to get his act together) he's still easy to root for and is a joy to watch on the big screen. His on-screen interactions with EB are believable and fun to watch (I'm a big fan of humans interacting with animated characters so I'm a tad bit biased), Marsden's reactions ranging from exasperation to anger to annoyed acceptance of his new unwelcome guest. At first Fred thinks he's finally cracked when he runs into the talking bunny, and he panics but as the days move on and the bunny fails to dissapear he grows to accept the fact that EB may indeed be real and not a figment of his imagination. Their antics together include EB creating mayhem during a job interview, performing for the Hoff, and evading the Pink Berets (The Easter Bunny's special guard who have been shipped out to find EB and bring him home).

While overall the film is cute and cuddly, there are some parts that detract from the overall experience. For one, the Hoff was not enjoyable at all in the film. I think they could have found another big name actor to throw in here that would not have acted like fingernails on a chalkboard. here he not only acts as a talent scout, he also doubles as a dispenser of wisdom near the end of the film (Please kill me). Another confusing thing in the film is that for a good while Fred tries to hide the fact that EB can talk (there is a clever ventriloquist scene that comes out of this), but eventually he gives up on this task. What's even more confusing is that no one seems startled to find a talking rabbit. Most's reactions to EB is essentially a shrug of their shoulders....it doesn't really make sense but if you spend too much time thinking about it you'll just get angry, so roll with it. Carlos as the films villain is sadly underdeveloped, and is given little screen time and the whole "WE'VE GOT TO SAVE EASTER" plot was met by myself with a shrug of my shoulders. Since I'm 20, Easter doesn't really excite me like it used to when I was younger, so the Easter elements didn't really do much for me. It was nice to have them in the film, but I'm just not a huge Easter fan (I must admit, I do enjoy the endless amount of candy consumed on that day though). Another problem with the film is that it kinda lags during it's second half when Fred and EB are together for most of the time. The hijinx helped to fill the gap and gave the film the feeling of an old school Warner Bros. cartoon, but for most of this part not much was really going on in the film.

The CGI found in the film is pretty superb. The candy factory where EB lives is fantastic and sure to drop any kids jaw. EB himself is absolutely adorable, even though he has a few human qualities he still acts like a rabbit should most of the time (Sniffing in new environments, etc). The human actors also do a good job here as well, and honestly I don't think the film would have the same spirit if they chose to make it purely CGI. I always welcome new CGI/Live Action films and Hop is no exception. It follows in the footprints of its predecessors while at the same time trying to learn from their mistakes (and it does a pretty damn good job). As a Human/CGI character buddy film I would put this above Looney Tunes Back In Action but below Who Framed Roger Rabbit, make of that what you will.

Hop also boasts a killer soundtrack that helps to make that film that much more enjoyable, with hits like I Want Candy, Dynamite, and The Anthem sprinkled throughout the film it's just about impossible not to enjoy the music selection found here (I even found myself staying after the credits to hear a short rendition of I Want Candy).

Hop tries to fill the gap left by the lack of any real enjoyable Easter films, and for the most part it succeeds. While there are a few bumps on the bunny trail, there's still enough to enjoy here that it's pretty hard not to be satisfied by Hop. There's really no reason to see the film in theaters if you're over the age of seven, so I'd say feel free to wait for it on DVD . Hop may not be the Easter classic it so badly wants to be, but it's still a damn good film nontheless.

3/5 Stars