BEETLE LOSES HIS COOL IN SHARK NIGHT 3D

Why, oh why did I decide to see this terrible, stupid, worthless film??!!!! Was it out of a sense of fairness? Was it out of some stupid hope that it could end up being a good film? Was it because I was bored and had nothing else better to do (ya, it was probably this one)? Either way, through some bizarre twist of fate, my butt ended up in a seat for this film, and oh how I wish it hadn't.

Shark Night 3D is about some college friends that decide to vacation on a saltwater lake/marsh and slowly get chomped up by a bunch of Jaws wannabes. That's it for the plot. The film also explains how the sharks got in the water in the first place. Ends up some rednecks and the local sheriff dumped some sharks into the lake, attached some video cameras to them in an attempt to catch some neat kill footage (Their big fans of shark week...and how do the sharks survive in a lake??? As I said above, it's a saltwater lake).

Ok, let's get to the nitty gritty here, the sooner I finish this review the sooner I don't have to think about this film ever again. Right from the first trailer I could tell that Shark Night was going to be a Piranha 3D rip off. From the footage I was expecting Shark night to nab an R rating, not so lucky because Shark night swam away with the all too unfortunate PG-13 rating. The result is that the film is pretty lacking of all the things a good B horror film needs: Tits ( there are a few scenes where characters strip down to bathing suits/bikinis to show off their goods, but even these feel forced. We do get a bare guy ass, but that pissed me off. So it's ok to show a bare guy ass, but a bare girl ass is stepping over the line?? Fuck you film), ass, gore, and creative kills. We barely get to see any kills, usually only getting a shot of a teen falling into the water....sometimes we get sharks flying out of the water, but those times are few and far between. There is basically ZERO gore as well. Mix all that into the most flippin cliched characters you will ever see in your life, a horrendously bad script, and awful awful 3D (I pretty much chose to keep my glasses off because I could easily make out what was going on on screen, laziest cash grab of the technology I've seen so far).

Shark Night is the only film I have ever continually checked my watch in, and the only film I have ever walked out of (and I NEVER walk out of films). From viewing the film, it became obvious to me that the creators of Shark Night had no respect for the audience, the actors, or the 3D technology. They wanted to cash in on all the teens that couldn't go and see Piranha 3D, so they haphazardly threw Shark Night together and marketed it as if it was the next Piranha 3D, knowing full well droves of clueless teens would flock to it.

Shark Night is a truly terrible,piece of shit film. It raped my eyeballs and stole a good hr and 25 mins of my life that I will NEVER get back. If I had my way everyone involved with this film would burned at the stake and then paraded around town to be made an example of. The things I do for you guys, I took a bullet for every single person that reads this review, so that you don't have to see it. Now I can warn EVERYONE to not just see this film...but boycott it. Tell your friends, tell your family...warn everyone NOT to see this film.

Quite simply: SHARK NIGHT BITES!

.5/5- FUCK YOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!