THE MONKEY GOES APE

 IT’S NOT A TOY!

In The Monkey, a seemingly harmless wind-up monkey brings horrific death to those around him when he is played with. Twin brothers Hal and Bill (Theo James) are unexpectedly re-united with their old foe when they near middle age. Now, they must find a way to stop the monkey before everyone they know dies. 

The Monkey is a dark absurdist horror-comedy. It’s ultra-dark and ultra-silly. It’s like a different flavor of the Final Destination franchise. Most of the deaths are unrealistic (one person explodes into a red mist when hit with the single blast of a shotgun, ditto for another who gets electrocuted) and played for laughs. Tatiana Maslany leaves an impression as Lois, the woefully unequipped single mother of our protagonists. Colin O’Brien plays Peter, the son of Hal. He reminds of a young Kyle Gallner (I suppose one could also compare him to Douglas Smith, but that would just be mean). 

Theo James leads the film with ease, playing two VERY different characters with distinct personalities. There aren’t many camera tricks utilized, but you still believe him as both Bill and Hal (though Hal gets much more screen time, is the star of the movie, and might be the more likable of the twins). 

Christian Convery also impresses as Young Hal and Young Bill. It’s easy to buy Convery and James as the same characters at different ages, and each are very memorable and do excellent work. Convery is a lot of fun (I personally found his portrayal of Bill to be more entertaining), Theo James plays neurotic and freaked out incredibly well as Hal (James’ portrayal of Bill is more unhinged and wild than Convery’s, but it makes sense for the character), and James’ deep dulcet tones he affects for the role are very pleasing. 

Rohan Campbell (Corey Cunningham in Halloween Ends) is in a decent amount of the film as Thrasher, a drooling metal head adorned with a hilariously ugly and fake rocker mullet that perpetually covers his eyes (think 80s hair bands). Campbell is clearly having a blast turning his brain off, and he plays the role very well. That said, he isn’t given much to do and the role doesn’t ask a lot from him. Still great to see him on the big screen though. Campbell isn’t the only notable surprise appearance from a known actor. I won’t spoil any, but two in particular are a delight.

Despite The Monkey being a horror-comedy with a heavy emphasis on comedy, it’s not afraid to take time out to sprinkle in a little pathos and explore the relationship between Bill and Hal, or the relationship between Hal and Peter. It’s not much, but it’s enough. The extra effort to ground the increasingly ridiculous proceedings is appreciated.

Some are certain to experience the law of diminishing returns with The Monkey. I could see how exaggerated deaths might get less and less funny each time, and a good deal of the deaths utilize not-great CGI. There’s some dead air in-between the deaths and scenes featuring the titular monkey. There’s also a bit of a shoe-drop somewhere in the second act that changes the trajectory/course of the film. That said, if you’re on this weird, gory little flick’s wavelength, a great, bloody time is just about guaranteed. I know I had an absolute blast with The Monkey. You want my advice? Wind it up and see what happens.

4 STARS

COMPANION FLIPS THE BREAK-UP FILM GENRE ON ITS EAR

 Josh brings his new gf Iris to a “little rustic cabin in the woods” (see: A luxurious and modern house) to party with his friends for the weekend. Their plans spiral violently out of control when, in an act of self-defense, Iris murders the host. This leads to a whole slew of revelations and a new goal: capture the escaped Iris before things get any worse. 

Not as much of a comedy as the trailers made it out to be. Companion is more of an ultra-dark and brutal breakup film about love, survival, and betrayal. There are multiple twists and turns, with each new revelation bringing our protagonists down darker paths.Sophie Thatcher leads the film well-enough as Iris, a likable and naive “emotional support robot…that also fucks”. 

Harvey Guillen makes his minor supporting role of Eli count (same goes double for Lukas Gage as his partner, Patrick). Megan Suri plays Kay, a ex-flame of Jack Quaid’s Josh, who is busy dating a shady rich Russian. It’s clear that Josh and her still kind-of have a thing for each other. Despite Kat’s tendency to bristle whenever Iris is around, she seems nice enough but even she is hiding darker layers. 

Jack Quaid starts out likable enough, but as things continue to spiral horrifically out of control his mask slips, revealing the monster underneath. Yeah, Jack Quaid knows how to play a damn good villain. Years before his starring role in 5cream he played Marvel in The Hunger Games, who would infamously murder Rue. So yeah, he’s been working at the villain thing for a while now, and this might be his most effective turn yet. 

The last 30 minutes are where Companion is at its peak. Don’t expect to feel uplifted or happy when this relatively short film ends: There is A LOT of murder, and those who survive might walk away with a newfound sense of purpose, but will likely always carry some amount of emotional scarring regardless. Companion is a smart, savvy, great film. It starts out as a ton of fun, but expect your smile to fade as events grow progressively more gruesome and fucked-up. Definitely a unique breakup film, as it has much more on its mind than a simple breakup.

4 STARS

BORDERLINE

 Ray Nicholson in this is my crazy bisexual king. While the way Borderline opens with VO narration by Nicholson’s Duerson sets us up to think this will be his story, and the trailers made it look like Samara Weaving would be the protagonist, arguably the main character is actually Eric Dane’s Bell, a bodyguard for Samara Weaving’s Sofia.

Weaving shines like always, but it’s Ray Nicholson (son to Jack Nicholson, and boy does he look and act alarmingly similar to dear old dad) who easily steals the entire show. He has crazy down to a T (don’t believe me? Check him out in Novacaine and Smile 2). It’s impossible not to have a blast watching him act his heart out. It’s far from being a serious role, but he entertains like no other. Nicholson is in this a lot, yet by the end it still feels like we needed more of him.

A good deal of the film is sidetracked by the “secondary” plot involving Eric Dane’s Bell and his family, and these parts are never all that entertaining or engaging. Naturally, the two separate plots blend together eventually, but the extended focus on Dane’s Bell comes across like the filmmakers felt like the “A” plot didn’t have enough material to get the end product over the finish line. Troubling and disappointing, indeed. Luckily, all of the scenes involving Nicholson and Weaving are delightfully demented and sick, and Nicholson manages to carry all of the proceedings on his back.

Supporting roles from Alba Baptista, Jimmy Fails, and Patrick Cox don’t leave much of a lasting impression, although Weaving and Baptista share one memorable scene and Fails has a significant role to play in the third act (to humorous effect). Not everything comes together in a clean or satisfying way by the end, but there is still a ton of fun to be had on the way to the end credits.

3.5 STARS

THE DAY THE EARTH BLEW UP: A LOONEY TUNES MOVIE

 Daffy Duck’s and Porky Pig’s quest to save their beloved home has them reluctantly landing a job at the Local Bubble gum factory. Their first day on the job, they find themselves entangled in an intergalactic plot for world domination via bubble gum.

A looney, loving send-up of classic sci-fi films like The Blob, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and The Thing (Armageddon and Night of the Living Dead even make it in there, oddly enough). The animation is 2D/hand-drawn (with the exception of the spaceship), but tends to have a digital look to it. That said, there are plenty of inspired moments of animation that impress and delight.

The score is gorgeous, featuring plenty of riffs on “The Merry Go Round Broke Down” (aka the classic Looney Tunes theme song). It sounds similar to the types of music we’d get in a classic Looney Tunes short.  The voice-acting is perfection. Our leads and even the background characters nail the classic Looney Tunes spirit. 

Eric Bauza plays both Porky Pig and Daffy Duck. You won’t be able to tell it’s the same voice actor doing both characters, and Bauza excels at each. Peter MacNicol (aka Dr. Janosz Poha/Vigo’s henchman in Ghostbusters 2) voices The Invader and is highly entertaining and perfect as well. Apparently even Wayne Knight lent his voice, though I can’t seem to find exactly who he played. There are plenty of classic Looney Tunes gags that make it into the film as well (much to my delight). 

Full disclosure: I am an unabashed Looney Tunes fan for life. I grew up with those nutty characters, and I’ve waited my whole life to see a proper adaptation on the big screen. However, every attempt seemed destined for failure from Space Jam, to Looney Tunes: Back in Action,  all the way to *gulp* Space Jam 2: A New Legacy (Nooooooo!!!!).  It felt like we were never going to get a true faithful adaptation of those Looney Toons on the big screen. Well, now we do. There are no live-action actors, it’s almost all hand-drawn 2D animation, and they chose two of the regular supporting cast to star: Daffy Duck and Porky Pig (and I know for a fact that Daffy has always yearned to headline a movie. This is literally his dream).

If you are looking for other classic Looney Tunes characters, you’ve come to the wrong place. They don’t even make cameos or background appearances. The only other Looney Tunes character that’s featured is Petunia Pig. Luckily, all that’s small potatoes when the entire film does such a perfect job of capturing the tone, style, spirit, and insanity of our beloved childhood friends.

So yes, I am INCREDIBLY biased, and I’m sure most likely won’t be as over-the-moon about this film as I am, but I’m not going to apologize for my enthusiasm. This flick is a low-key miracle. If you are a fan of the Looney Tunes,  a film nerd (especially so if you’re a sci-fi film nerd), or a lover of classic 2D hand-drawn animation, then The Day the Earth Blew Up is a gift meant for you. Buy a ticket, and enjoy the chaos.

5 STARS

THE WOLFMAN

 Even though it has become a bit more common to see a film thats parts are better than its whole, it is still a fairly rare circumstance. Unfortunately, Wolfman falls into this category.

The Wolfman borrows its title from the successful 1941 film of the same name. Even though the 2010 version tries to bill itself as a remake/update, don't be fooled. The characters may be the same and the story may be similar, but the film itself is quite different. It would help to go into the film with the idea of it being a re-imagining of the classic pic, instead of a remake.

The Wolfman follows Lawrence Talbot, a succesful American actor, as he returns to his England home to help solve the brutal murder of his brother. Inevitably, Lawrence digs too deeply into the mystery and is assaulted by a monster. He survives but finds that he too, is cursed with the burden of the monster.

The Wolfman's action scenes are freaking epic on all levels. You'll see quick shots of his claws slashing, people screaming, and heads and limbs flying apart. The Wolfman himself is one of the best incarnations I've seen in a while. Fast, Furious, and insane...he is everything a werewolf/wolfman should be. It helps that the creature design by the fantastic Rick Baker (From An American Werewolf in London fame) only helps to give the creature a more realistic look.

My favorite aspect of the film is it's creepy, tense victorian gothic setting complete with a huge dark wood, long foggy streets, and small Pub. The atmosphere set-up really helps to bring the audience into the film and adds some elements of suspense into it. I personally love how the film feels, more than any other thing about it. Imagine the Legend of Sleepy Hollow, but instead of the Headless Horseman...a Wolfman.

Unfortunately, the film itself is not as blessed as these parts. Incredibly fast-paced to the point where, even though it ups the "cool" factor, it ends up hurting the film, and the fact that the characters and their relationships are never satisfyingly fully developed only serves to bring it down more. You barely see Emily Blunt, The love story becomes background fodder, and the main crucial relationship of Lawrence and his Dad is barely given any thought at all, making the films epic climax and reveal somewhat blah.

Just about the only good characters are Sir John (Lawrence's dad) and Inspector Abberline. Anthony Hopkins acts out his role with a sinister glee that adds some charm to the film, and Hugo Weaving adds some bad-ass-ed-ness to his detective role. It's a shame that Abberline isn't seen as much as he should have been since his scenes were a joy to watch. Somehow he made his character likeable and his intentions clear, despite his lack of appearances in the film.

Overall, The Wolfman is a fairly uneven film that can't quite live up to it's highly hyped release. With a somewhat poor script, lack of character development, and underdeveloped relationships that hinder the film, it almost seemed destined for a bad rating, luckily the filmmakers managed to do something right. Even though they threw away most of what a superior film needs, they gave the audience what it essentially wanted: Fast and furious action scenes and a tense, creepy atmosphere. It makes for a fairly enjoyable film. In the end, if you're looking for a good werewolf film, I suppose you could do worse than The Wolfman.

2.5 STARS

BABY INVASION

 “Just pretend it’s a fucking video game. Act like you’re in a movie or something.”

This quote from Spring Breakers feels like it leads directly into this heavily experimental film. In Baby Invasion, an independent Japanese game developer has been working on a video game that is supposed to be indiscernible from real life. In the game, players commit random crimes while their faces are scrambled to look like babies. While Baby Invasion is in an unfinished state, a Russian group hacks the software and releases the game worldwide. Chaos erupts. A good deal of people, put into a trance by the game, go out and re-enact crimes from the game.

What happens when you stop being able to discern real life from violent video games? How does spending all your time playing violent video games affect the way you see others and the world around you? How does it affect the way you interact with others and your ability to emphasize with and relate to others? These are all questions raised by Baby Invasion’s central conceit, unfortunately the film itself doesn’t really bother to explore these questions.

Imagine if you took all the scenes of crimes in Spring Breakers and cut out everything else. The result would be Baby Invasion. The set-up isn’t bad, but that’s literally all there is to this film. After the opening minutes, the remainder of the film consists of two lengthy robberies/murders. There is no plot, no characters, no character development, and seemingly no script.

There also appears to be very little to no in-camera/natural audio. Most of the auditory landscape consists of a never-ending thumping techno house score by Burial. The music drowns everything else out, and can get very old or annoying fast. On it’s own, the music might be ok but as an underscore to a theatrical film, it fails hard.

For most of the runtime it will be hard to tell if you are watching people playing the Baby Invasion game or actually acting out crimes from the game in real life, but that’s kind of the point. The film offers very small hints to what is going on, but it’s mostly left to audiences to decipher for themselves.

The one thing Baby Invasion has going for it is its consistently trippy and psychedelic visuals. Yes, it would appear Korine and crew relied heavily on AI while making this film, but you can’t argue with the results. The end product is definitely unlike any movie you’ve ever seen. This is one movie that is best viewed while under the influence of mind-altering substances.

Baby Invasion feels very similar to Spring Breakers. I LOVED Spring Breakers. I did not love this film. The lack of plot, characters, and a rooting interest mixed with the unending techno house score might prove to be too much for some (I’d dare say most). I imagine many will claim this film is aimless, without substance or merit. They’d be mostly right. There is a method to Korine’s madness, as per usual. It’s all in service of that central question: What happens when you stop being able to differentiate real life from violent video games?

Baby Invasion is interesting but tedious, lively but dull, thought-provoking but empty. It might be worth a watch if you like experimental films or are just looking for a flick to trip to, everyone else will find Baby Invasion to be a test of their patience.

2 STARS

PRESENCE IS A DIFFERENT KIND OF HAUNTED HOUSE FILM

A family on the edge move into a haunted house where things for everyone only get worse.

A film that uses the bones or structure of a haunted house film to tell a family drama. Included are all the staples of haunted house movies from helpful mystics to things that go bump in the night, but the focus here isn't so much on scares than it is familial relations. The intent is to make a haunted house film that is rooted in real-life. The Ghost/camera acts as a voyeur, peeking in on moments meant for no human eye. In this way, Presence is great example into what film really is at it's core: a voyeuristic medium.

The Ghost itself isn't malicious. It appears to be lost, disoriented, confused, and lonely. It can't help but intrude on intimate moments out of what seems to be a sense of curiosity. That said, it still is subject to emotional, angry outbursts that startle but never scare. The Ghost is an empathetic presence, not a malevolent one.

The storytelling and film-making craft is to be mostly commended here. Unfortunately, the last 20 minutes undoes much of the good will this experimental flick had built up during it's first two acts. The mysteries introduced in the first act are given blunt, direct answers. Things are spelled out in obvious ways (feels like studio notes, perhaps), and one reveal in particular strains believability.

Presence sees Soderberg playing with the trappings and craft of filmmaking. It's not a bad film. It's flawed but interesting, and acts as a bit of a slow burn. While it's a good deal tense, the proceedings are rarely scary. Those looking for a horror film are bound to leave disappointed, even if Presence itself is well-made and mostly effective.

3 STARS

DEATH OF A UNICORN

 Not nearly insane, wild, weird or surreal enough. It’s occasionally funny, and the last 30-40 minutes are entertaining enough. Props to the filmmakers for getting the Unicorn lore down pretty close to perfect (The Unicorns are handled like a mixture of the T-Rex and Raptors from Jurassic Park, NOT Jurassic World and 'The Unicorn Tapestries' play a large role in the movie). 

Will Poulter is easily the best thing about this film (no surprise). His comedic timing is consistently on-point, and most of the laughs come from him. The rest of the cast is fairly stacked, and everyone is trying, but their combined efforts amount to very little. Paul Rudd is at his most nerdy and possibly most unlikable as an asshole father who wants to be a good dad, but the dollar signs in his eyes keep getting in the way. His development near the end is sweet, but it feels a bit too little-too late. 

Jenna Ortega is fine, but is given little to do except flail around in frustration as everyone continually shoves her to the side and refuses to listen to her very good advice. Richard E. Grant is completely wasted. Anthony Carrigan leaves somewhat of an impression as Griff, the butler. He has more of a character than you might expect. 

There is a lot of CGI, and most of it’s just not good. There are a few animatronics used for the Unicorns, albeit rarely. The score is surprisingly one of the best things about this movie (It’s very synth-y).  There are some things to recommend about Death of a Unicorn, but ultimately not nearly enough. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s bad, it’s just alright. If you want to watch this film, wait for VoD.

2.5 STARS

MOANA 2

 Still can’t believe this is the film that I’ve heard so much dislike for. It’s not bad and it’s not a dumpster fire. It’s good. For a film that started life as a Disney+ tv series, the animation is gorgeous . The animation is about on par with that found in the first Moana. It might well be essential to watch the first film before you seek out this sequel as, much like Inside Out 2, it helps if you already have an emotional investment to or connection with our leads.

The first 30 minutes and last 30 minutes are great! The 40 or so minutes in-between…eh, not so much. The set-up and story is fairly interesting, and I still got chills a good deal throughout. The new Island characters did not need to tag along on the journey, as they serve no purpose except to be mildly amusing comedic background characters. Only one does anything of use/import. Our main villain is only glimpsed during a mid-credits scene, and only ever appears as a gigantic angry storm (which looks very cool).

The songs aren’t bad either. They’re good as well. The lyrics could use some work, but the production on each is pleasing. The songs themselves aren’t exactly memorable, but they get the job done well-enough (although all the attempts at Lin Manuel-Miranda-esque rapping falls flat). This sequel even involves poignant, somewhat timely themes and messages about anthropology and the sharing of cultures that are important and relevant to what is going on today.

In the end, Moana 2 is far from a perfect product, but it’s still enjoyable, fun, and has some big stakes (though the stakes here aren't quite as big as those found in the first film). For families, it makes for a safe, entertaining watch. Despite what others may say, I recommend you chart a course to Moana 2.

3 STARS

WARFARE GIVES AUDIENCES PTSD

 “Dude, I’m fucked up.”

In Warfare, we follow a team of Navy SEALs in Iraq circa 2006. The SEALS find themselves in a Black Hawk Down-esque scenario when they come under siege from all sides during a routine support mission. Cornered in a two-story house, they will have to hold out until reinforcements arrive. 

Warfare opens to our Navy SEALS partying to Eric Prydz’s Call on Me, an infectious boppy techno beat. It’s almost as if the film is telling audiences: “Live it up now while you can, because this is the last chance you will get". It’s an unexpected, welcome, and clever way to start the film. Indeed, things do get much more dire and serious a little later on.

Warfare is an ensemble film with a totally stacked cast including but not limited to Joseph Quinn, Will Poulter, Michael Gandolfini, Charles Melton, Kit Connor, Noah Centineo, and Henrique Zaga. As this is an ensemble piece, there isn’t really a main character and most of the cast get about equal amounts of screen time. D’Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai plays the central character of Ray, who spends the majority of the film in a worsening state of shock. D’Pharaoh leaves an impression.

Will Poulter plays Erik, essentially the head of the group. He calls the orders for most of the movie, and is typically the one others look to for leadership. Poulter continues to prove he’s one of the best young actors out there. In Warfare, he brings a humanity to his role. He makes it easy to understand the weight that comes with a leadership role, as he has to remain calm and in-control when chaos, gunfire, and bloodshed surround him. Poulter lets hints and glimmers of emotion, trauma, and panic rise to the surface of his usually stoic façade and indeed, Poulter’s character of Eric might not be able to hold back his shock and trauma forever. 

Joseph Quinn also shines as Sam. It’s a tough role as it’s mostly intense emotion. Quinn makes his screen time completely riveting and harrowing. Even tougher still is the role of Elliott, as played by Cosmo Jarvis. Most of his screen-time occurs during the first act, but he’s pretty important as the entire film is dedicated to him (that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a goner though.). Both Quinn and Jarvis have the makings of being great scream kings.

The first 30 or 40 minutes of Warfare are pretty slow and uneventful. Our SEALS are doing their support mission, but are noticing hints that there may be a serious offensive mounting. They begin to worry, as do we. Some might call this part boring, and it does feel like some could have been shaved off the top here. That said, the build-up is extremely effective and when ish hits the fan and our group find themselves trapped in a literal hell, you’d be hard pressed not to find yourself clenching  your nether regions tighter.

The “action” is far from thrilling. It’s tense and traumatic. There is no glamour, no heroic moments, no glorification of war and violence. There is only hiding, shooting, and survival. The sound design by Glenn Freemantle and sound editing by Ben Barker are superb. You feel every gun shot pop. Every wrinkle of clothing ups the tension and anxiety of each scene. Warfare is also noticeably lacking a score, which only intensifies the aforementioned tension and anxiety.

Warfare is directed and written by Alex Garland and Ray Mendoza. The proceedings are based on an actual mission Mendoza participated in back in ‘06 (the character of Ray is based on him). Warfare makes the bold claim at the start that what we are about to witness is based on the memories of Ray Mendoza and his surviving fellow SEALS. Warfare does appear to be quite accurate to what war is really like. The film ends with photos of the real SEALS who were part of the mission (some of their faces are blurred), as well as some BTS footage. It all helps to cement the fact that this isn’t just a movie, all this really happened. 

Warfare throws audiences into a terrifying and impossible situation with some of the toughest, baddest, most expert people around. Watching the SEALS fall apart both literally and metaphorically drives the point home that, at the end of the day, they are just kids much like you and me. War sucks, but Warfare does not. Taut, tense, anxiety-inducing, and relentless, Warfare is easily the best war film to come out of the 2020s thus far.

5 STARS

SINNERS COMMITS NO SINS

 Ryan Coogler brings us a compelling new myth about music and vampires. The score by Ludwig Göransson is exceptional and transcendent. There’s also A LOT of blues music and Irish folk music throughout, all of which are superb. The cinematography by Autumn Durald Arkapaw is gorgeous and effective.

Michael B. Jordan continues to showcase his effortless charisma and star power as identical twin brothers, Smoke and Stack. Stack is the muscle, Smoke is the brains. Miles Catton shines as aspiring blues musician Sammy Moore, the true star of the movie (or as I like to call him, The Magic Man). Andrene Ward-Hammond brings a warmth to her role of Ruthie, voodoo priestess and love interest to Smoke. Hailee Steinfeld is ethereal and stunning as Mary, love interest to Stack.

Jack O’Connell plays one of the best love-to-hate villains in the modern day, Remmick, an Irish vampire. Coogler said the vampires here were influenced by The Wolf in Puss in Boots: The Last Wish. Indeed, their eyes glow and they have silver tongues. They also are more than a little reminiscent of wolves or coyotes.

Those walking in expecting a vampiric horror film will have a while to wait; at least an hour, at most an hour twenty. It’s hard to call this one a horror film. It is, but it also isn’t. The horror part doesn’t come into play until the last hour or so of the movie. The parts before this are dedicated to character development, and world-building based on the real and not the fantastical.

Once the vampires come out when the sunsets, it’s non-stop horror but everything before that plays like a straight-up character drama. Some might find the horror scary, I found it to be more freaky, disturbing, and fun. The best scene in the entire film is easily when Sammy plays his first Blues song in the “Juke Joint”/club. This scene is elevating, transcendent, and magical…all the things a great movie should be.

In the end, Sinners is yet another home-run from Ryan Coogler. I’ve honestly yet to see a weak or bad film from this man, and Sinners is no exception. If you love music, you owe it to yourself to see this film.

5 STARS

CLOWN IN A CORNFIELD GETS LOST IN THE MAZE

 My disappointment is on me. I chose to read the novel first, and it seems like I might have liked this more if I had seen this first instead. Clown in a Cornfield keeps enough true to the novel that it can still be called an adaptation, but A LOT is changed/altered too. The deaths are ok, but this flick definitely does not skimp on the blood and gore. 

All the characters are given minimal development, and most have different personalities than their novel counterparts (for example: in the novel, Cole is a sad boy with a troubled past. In the film, he’s just a generic hot bad boy (His backstory is similar in each.). Will Sasso is here, but given squat to do. His Sheriff Dunne is a lead player in the novel, not so much in the film. 

Kevin Durand (from Abigail and Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes) is almost unrecognizable here as Arthur Hill. He seems to have lost A LOT of muscle, and is more lean/string bean-y. He has a ton of fun with his role, and is easily one of the best things about this film. Katie Douglas as Quinn, our lead, and Aaron Abrams as her father are the only other characters that leave an impression. 

The town of Kettle Springs doesn’t become a character like it does in the novel, and most of the themes from the book are barely even casually explored here. The directing is pretty poor (shocking since Eli Craig, director of Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, is at the helm.), and the same goes for the screenplay (Eli Craig and Carter Blanchard. Craig penned Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, and Blanchard likely did touch-ups for Independence Day: Resurgence seeing as is listed as an uncredited screenwriter for it). 

Clown in a Cornfield had a solid template to follow in terms of its source material (which is great). Unfortunately, it tries to be somewhat faithful to the novel while still being it’s own original thing. This is the rare case where the film would have been better served if the filmmakers had chosen one or the other, instead of trying to do both (either be a faithful adaptation, or an adaptation in name only).

2.5 STARS

FRIENDSHIP

 “Stay curious!”

In Friendship, Craig (Tim Robinson) is feeling unfulfilled and frustrated with his life. Things start to brighten up when he meets Austin (Paul Rudd), a neighbor of his. Their friendship doesn’t last long as Craig gets a little too excited, making a mistake that leads to Austin actively distancing himself from him. Unfortunately, this simple slight is too much for Craig to handle, leading him down a path that threatens to completely wreck his life.

Paul Rudd is the best he’s been in a while as Austin, in whom Craig sees much of what he wants for himself. Of course, Austin has his own secrets as well. Rudd dons a mustache for the role. Austin might as well be an elseworld version of Rudd’s Brian Fantana from Anchorman. Both characters are news anchors, and Rudd’s mannerisms and personality here are not unlike that of Brian. Regardless, Rudd really impresses here, even if his character doesn’t appear as much as you might expect or hope.

Tim Robinson as Craig is the lead of the film, and the proceedings are all about him. Craig is a weird, awkward little dude. He means well, but his insecurities and need to be liked continually make things worse for him. Robinson plays the hell out of the role, although you can tell he got his start in stand-up. There are multiple moments where he displays an openness, honestness, and vulnerability we don’t normally get from male actors.

There isn’t much plot to Friendship, and the little that’s there is fairly thread-bare. The friendship acts as more of a catalyst to the destruction of Craig’s life than it does as the main plot of the film. It’s definitely an important and crucial aspect of the film, but there are lengthy portions where it takes a backseat to other events.

Andrew DeYoung directs and writes. He previously directed and wrote episodes of various tv shows. This is the first time he’s worked with Robinson, which is surprising seeing as Robinson seems very comfortable and at ease here.

Friendship is a very weird movie. It doesn’t follow the typical filmic structure or pacing. The pacing is often off, and the proceedings can drag or feel slow at times. The humor is very weird, odd, and off-kilter, but luckily it works more often than not. When Friendship isn’t being funny, it’s being weird and when it isn’t being weird, it’s being funny…and quite often it does both. 

Friendship certainly won’t be to everyone’s tastes. It’s consistently odd and weird. It’s also often very funny. This is a truly original, unique movie. It takes a different approach towards bro-mances, and questions what the purpose of adult male friendships is. It’s un-afraid to march to the beat of its own drum and is unashamedly different from most comedies we get today. Friendship definitely loses the plot somewhere in the later acts, but this is still one worth seeking out for fans of comedies. Not everything is perfect in Friendship, but the good (and funny) far outweighs the bad.

4 STARS

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - THE FINAL RECKONING

 Highly entertaining and a lot of fun. Every action set-piece is phenomenal (mainly the cabin, the sub, and the plane). The plot is pretty cool as well. It hosts some parallels to what’s going on in our world right now. Simon Pegg acts his heart out during the last act. We also get more of Esai Morales’s Gabriel, the main human antagonist. He remains very suave and very cool. 

Tom Cruise is still the best thing about this film and this franchise. He is absolutely fearless, and continues to find time to act amidst all the action. For a film that runs close to 3 hours, you don’t feel the runtime (a definite plus). This flick feels like it’s constantly running at full speed (not unlike Tom Cruise/Ethan Hunt in every Mission: Impossible film). 

Unfortunately, not all that glitters is gold with this supposedly final entry into the Mission: Impossible franchise. Final Reckoning attempts to tie elements of the first and third Mission: Impossible films into this one. The effort is appreciated, but results in many clips of scenes from those films and a multitude of references. One assumes it’s all done in an effort to catch newcomers up, but these portions only detract and distract from the plot and action at hand. 

The editing was poor as well. It works well-enough during the aforementioned cabin, sub, and plane set-pieces, but there are plenty of other moments where it can lead to confusion or whiplash (the editing tends to jump back and forth between past and present, and the present and an anticipated future outcome). There also feels like there was at least 30 minutes to an hour that was crudely chopped out of the first act. 

The last big issue is one that is common with almost all of the Mission:Impossible films: It always seems certain that every one of our leads is going to make it out ok (and throwing one out of the film early on doesn’t have the “no one is safe” effect the filmmakers likely intended it to). 

The Mission:Impossible franchise has always felt like disposable fun. The action is always high-quality, but that’s all they’ve really ever had to offer. The same goes for Final Reckoning. It’s not a bad movie, but its flaws seem more noticeable than others in the franchise. 

If you want to watch Tom Cruise on the big screen, want to see some phenomenal action, or if you’ve seen every Mission:Impossible film thus far, then Final Reckoning makes for an easy recommendation. If you don’t fall into any one of those three categories, though, you might do best to spend your hard-earned cash elsewhere.

3.5 STARS

FINAL DESTINATION: BLOODLINES

 After fourteen years, Death returns. In Final Destination: Bloodlines, when Iris successfully saves a restaurant full of people in the 60s, she sets in motion a horrific chain of events where Death comes knocking for her descendants in present day. 

Iris is played by Brec Bassinger in the 60s and Gabrielle Rose in the present day. Present day Iris is definitely Laurie Strode in Halloween 2018 coded, but Rose makes the role a very entertaining and silly one (Think Devon Sawa’s Alex from the first Final Destination, but played more for camp).

Our lead in this film is Stephanie (Kaitlyn Santa Juana), one of Iris’ descendants that has been suffering from a specific recurring nightmare. One so horrific it keeps her up at nights, which is affecting her grades in college. Steph heads down to her family and extended family’s homes, only to find herself thrust into the middle of Death’s latest design. 

Stephanie is likable and proactive enough, but she doesn’t leave much of a mark. Teo Briones (previously Junior/ the brat in Chucky season one) plays Charlie, Steph’s brother. He’s likable, but isn’t given much to do. Rya Kihlstedt’s Darlene (estranged mom to Steph)has definite potential as there is a bit of a unique aspect to her character. Unfortunately, this movie doesn’t play into said aspect and only gives Darlene minor character development. 

The two best characters are brothers Erik (Richard Harmon) and Bobby (Owen Joyner), cousins/nephews to Steph and Charlie. Bobby is the only one who buys into Steph’s warnings early on, and seeing his fear and panic escalate as the deaths start to pile up is relatable. He’s likely the most likable character in the film.

Erik, on the other hand, is a beautiful jerk. He’s not likable, but he is the most entertaining one out of the bunch. He doesn’t take Steph’s warnings seriously until it’s close to too late, tends to be downright hostile towards her, and enjoys repeatedly mocking Steph’s fears. He’s not nice, but succeeds in garnering multiple chuckles throughout (He’s easily my favorite character in the film). His care and concern for his brother Bobby helps to give this a-hole character just enough humanity so you aren’t actively rooting for him to die throughout.

Tony Todd’s brief scene is pretty sweet and heartfelt. He’s not intimidating or creepy here, just a sad and sick man who appears to give his condolences and some final words of wisdom. It’s startling to see how thin and weak he looks. Unfortunately, I’d rank this as his third best appearance in the franchise. RIP King.

Speaking of which, one of the better things about Bloodlines is the family dynamic found within, and the fact that we are following mothers, fathers, grand-parents, uncles, aunts, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews and cousins. There are more leads here than in any previous Final Destination film, and their interactions are believable as family members. 

The best part about Bloodlines is the way it switches up the structure and pacing of a Final Destination movie. This one definitely tries to find new ways to keep you on edge throughout. Unfortunately the last 20-25 minutes pale to what came before and were disappointing. 

The best death set-pieces were the opening restaurant scene and the MRI scene. There is a lot of CGI utilized throughout (and not just during death scenes). Luckily, that doesn’t prevent any of the deaths from being highly entertaining and fun.

Zach Lipovsky (director of Leprechaun:Origins) and Adam B. Stein share directing duties here, having previously co-directed Freaks and the Kim Possible tv movie together. They feel right at home here, and seem like natural fits for the franchise. There aren’t any real scares here, but the proceedings can be appropriately tense, funny, and brutal. 

Guy Busick (Ready or Not, 5cream, Scream VI, Abigail) and Lori Evan’s Taylor (head writer on tv show Wicked Wicked Games from 2006-2007) get screenwriting credit. The screenplay isn’t anything to write home about. It’s not terrible, but definitely plays into camp and humor more often than not (also very weird that the characters continually refer to Death as a He, something that never happens in any of the other films).

Final Destination: Bloodlines isn’t the best movie in the franchise, but it is in the middle-to-upper tier. If you’ve come looking for scares, you’ve come to the wrong place. Bloodlines makes for a very fun and entertaining time at the movies. It successfully breathes new life into this franchise about brutal, bloody death.

3.5 STARS

CAPTAIN AMERICA: BRAVE NEW WORLD

 “Please don’t be boring.”

Not as interesting, engaging, or smart as it thinks it is and wants to be. Surprisingly, this is more about President Thaddeus ‘Thunderbolt’ Ross and Samuel Sterns/The Leader than it is about Captain America. Captain America is the main character here, in as much as he gets the most amount of screen time, but this is really Ross and The Leader’s story.

It messily tries to continue threads from The Incredible Hulk (2008), The Eternals, and Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Unfortunately, watching those three properties is just about required in order to understand what’s going on here.To this film’s credit, it does manage to bring humanity, empathy, and sympathy to the character of Thaddeus ‘Thunderbolt’ Ross, a long-time antagonist in the Marvel universe and an all-around a-hole.

In this outing, it’s 100 days into his presidency and the world is still arguing what to do about the frozen Celestial from Eternals and it’s untapped reserves of a new, valuable, and powerful element called Adamantium (which is what Wolverine’s skeleton is infused with and what his claws are made of). Ross is trying to negotiate a treaty concerning the Celestial and it’s Adamantium when he comes under attack, effectively framing the first super soldier Isaiah Bradley for a role in the attack and sending Cap on a search for answers in an effort to clear Bradley’s name. The answers we get are pretty dumb.

Most of this film deals with Ross, who claims he is not the foul-tempered brute he was known to be before. Ross has lost the only person he cares about, his daughter Betty Ross, whom has chosen to keep her distance from him after the events of The Incredible Hulk. While Ross continues to try to be a better man and get his treaty passed through, an old adversary reappears, threatening to destroy everything Ross has worked so hard to fix.

Tim Blake Nelson does fine as The Leader,  the best thing about him is how he looks and his glowing green eyes. Anthony Mackie as Captain America does a good job, but doesn’t really bring much to the table. Giancarlo Esposito as makes for a villain with potential, but very little is done with him. Harrison Ford is great as Thaddeus ‘Thunderbolt’ Ross. He doesn’t really start to resemble the Ross we know from the comics and previous films until the third act. This is a Ross who is trying to do and be better, hence why he feels different for most of the film.

The consistently best character is Carl Lumbly’s Isaiah Bradley, a grumpy old man with a heart of gold. Bradley isn’t in Brave New World much, but he acts his heart out and his emotional scenes are very believable and touching. The screenplay (by Rob Edwards, Malcolm Spellman, Dalan Musson, Julius Onah, and Peter Glanz) is fairly poor. The directing by Julius Onah is poor as well. It never feels like Onah has a firm, sure grasp on the overall product.

Brave New World underwent extensive re-shoots (costing an extra $100 mill) which fundamentally altered the final product, introduced new characters (such as Sidewinder), altered the overall story, changed the beginning and ending, and did away with certain character deaths (supposedly Ross was originally supposed to die). You can feel the extensive re-shoots and changes throughout.

The Cap vs. Red Hulk fight is the best scene in the film, but was ruined in the marketing, not to mention Ross as Red Hulk is one of the main plot elements and was clearly meant to remain a mystery until the third act. The main theme about coming to terms with your past self and past mistakes is good, but the film that surrounds it leaves much to be desired. Brave New World isn’t terrible, unfortunately it isn’t terribly good either. There are some decent moments throughout, but overall this is a very bumpy and messy movie. Another strike for Marvel.

2.5 STARS

BRING HER BACK WOUNDS AND SCARS

 In Bring Her Back, we follow Andy (Billy Barratt) and Piper (Sora Wong), close step-siblings who lose their father to a terrible accident in the shower just minutes into the film. Still reeling from the death, they are placed into the care of Laura (Sally Hawkins), an eccentric former counselor for social services. At the house, they meet another foster kid Laura is caring for, the mute and creepy Oliver (Jonah Wren Phillips). As the days eek by, Andy begins to suspect Laura might be hiding some horrific secrets and ulterior motives.

Bring Her Back is the sophomore outing from Danny and Michael Philippou, the men behind Talk To Me. They have the same duties here (Danny and Michael direct, Danny and Bill Hinzman write) and continue to prove that they have an innate knack for horror. The writing and directing is mostly strong, though the attempt to make this more of an ensemble flick doesn’t fully work.

While Bring Her Back sets itself up like Laura, Andy, and Piper will be co-leads, in reality Andy is the main character and Laura is second lead. Very little development is given to Piper (besides that she’s basically blind), and she gets significantly reduced screen time when compared to the others (even Oliver).

It’s tough to say who does the best acting job as Sally Hawkins, Billy Barrett, and Jonah Wren Phillips are all phenomenal. Billy Barrett makes for a very likable, relatable, and intelligent lead. His Andy has believable flaws that only make him feel all the more real and human. It’s easy to get on his side, and the relationship he has with Sora Wong’s Piper is sweet and feels real. Sally Hawkins fully embodies her role of Laura, and makes for a character who is surprisingly easy to understand. Even as she makes certain decisions and carries out specific actions, it isn’t hard to root for her to see the light.

Bring Her Back asks more of Jonah Wren Phillips than most movies ask of young actors, but he pulls it all off with ease. He is a very freaky and disturbing kid. His Oliver easily makes for one of the most memorable and unsettling movie monsters in recent memory, though his character isn’t given much development either and is more-so used for scares. 

Aaron McLisky, who shot Talk To Me, is in charge of cinematography. He wows again. The unique and creative cinematography and camera angles help to keep audiences on edge. There’s also a recurring visual motif of circles, which likely represents both the cycle of life, death, and re-birth as well as grief/trauma cycles.

Bring Her Back sets itself up as a bit of a mystery. What is the mysterious ritual Laura is involved in? What does said ritual involve? Will it work? The film lures audiences down dark, winding paths and the closer we get to the end, the more the tension, suspense, and dread builds. There are lots of threads left hanging by the end and plenty of questions go unanswered, leaving more than enough room open for future sequels or prequels.

Watching Bring Her Back is the equivalent of having a knife thrust into your belly and continually twisted back and forth for 90 minutes. Some revelations or answers aren’t surprising, but there is more than enough that succeed at subverting expectations. The ending of this flick might just leave you feeling cold as a corpse.

Bring Her Back isn’t exactly scary, but it is easily the most disturbing, unsettling, depressing, and uncomfortable horror film in the modern day (thus far). It’s effective and affecting.While it explores familiar horror themes concerning trauma, grief, and cyclical patterns it does so in new and grotesque ways. 

Bring Her Back isn’t quite as great as Talk To Me for multiple reasons, but it is still an exceptional horror film that succeeds at what it sets out to do: distress and sicken audiences. Bring Her Back dares you to forget about it after you leave the theater. It’s guaranteed you won’t. This one leaves wounds that linger.

4.5 STARS

DANGEROUS ANIMALS

 Tucker (Jai Courtney) is the super charismatic owner of his own shark watching company. What he doesn’t let on though is that beneath that smiley facade lies the heart of a monster. On his off time, he actively hunts down people or chooses customers that appeal to him, and feeds them to the sharks they paid to watch. He finds he might have bit off more than he can chew with his latest victim, Zephyr (Hassie Harrison), a fiercely independent surfer who lives a solitary van life in Australia. 

Dangerous Animals is directed by indie horror wunderkind Sean Byrne, director of The Loved Ones and The Devil’s Candy. Events do get gruesome and tense at the best of times, but Byrne tends keeps the tone mostly light and fun. The screenplay by Nick Lepard mostly sizzles, with the exception of some tropes and cheesiness at moments (more-so near the end). This is Lepard’s first screenwriting credit, but you wouldn’t know that from what he delivers here. Next up for Nick is Oz Perkin’s Keeper, due out later this year. You can bet I’ll be buying tickets.

Jai Courtney is the stand-out here as Tucker. He lights up the screen whenever he’s on, and is clearly having a blast with the role. He’s incredibly entertaining to watch. He also gets the best lines and monologues in the film. This is easily his best role to date. That’s not to diminish Hassie Harrison’s Zephyr, though. Harrison impresses. Courtney and her play off of each other well, and the scenes they share together are highlights. Dangerous Animals can feel like a twisted, dark romance between predator and prey thanks in large part to how comfortably the two share the screen. Our two leads get some backstory, but only small tidbits. Just enough for audiences to put the pieces together for themselves. 

For supporting players, Josh Heuston does fine as Moses, a one-night stand and maybe future boyfriend to Zephyr. He’s likable enough so you care enough about him by the end. Ella Newton sells fear well as Heather, fellow victim to Tucker whom Zephyr forms a small bond with. Rob Carlton plays Dave, another owner of a shark tourism business who is very friendly to Tucker. None of the supporting cast is all that memorable, but each play their roles well enough.

In Dangerous Animals, sharks are not monsters. The film makes it abundantly clear that the sharks (mostly portrayed with passable CGI) are more-or-less innocents that are being manipulated or conditioned by Tucker. It’s a nice spin, and it’s good to get a “killer shark” film that is sympathetic to the sharks (It’s a “killer shark” film in the same kind of way that Open Water is a “killer shark” film).

Dangerous Animals likely won’t win any awards, but there is something inherently satisfying about a film that knows and is content with what it is. With Jai Courtney turning in a great performance as one of the best villains of 2025, Dangerous Animals ends up being a ton of fun. Despite some fears, this solid little horror film is not shark chum. It doesn’t just float, it swims.

4 STARS

ARMAGEDDON

 When an asteroid the size of Texas threatens Earth, the fate of all falls to a group of oil rig workers. Very silly, very dumb, very cool, very fun. Classic Bay. The screenplay by JJ Abrams and Jonathan Hensleigh is weak sauce. While only two men are officially credited, in reality 9 people in total worked on the screenplay: Tony Gilroy, Shane Salerno, Paul Attanasio, Ann Biderman, Scott Rosenberg, and Robert Towne. 

The first draft was by Jonathan Hensleigh, and the cavalcade of other writers were hired for re-writes and touch ups. It would also appear that the idea for Armageddon might have been stolen from Deep Impact as Bruce Joel Rubin, the screenwriter for Deep Impact, claims a production president at Disney took heavy notes during a lunch they shared. 

The characters and performances are mid at best. Bruce Willis is fine, and makes for a likable enough lead. Billy Bob Thornton does the best performance and is the most likable character as the head of NASA. The cinematography by John Schwartzman and editing by Mark Goldblatt, Chris Lebenzon, and Glen Scantlebury are dynamic and impressive. 

Naturally the best things about this film are the top-tier action and the pacing (it takes around 50 minutes to an hour for our crew to lift-off, but once they arrive in space, the film quickly becomes Murphy’s Law: the movie as they face near-constant setbacks, problems, and challenges). The Aerosmith heavy soundtrack is an all-timer. Armageddon is a big-budget B-movie disaster flick. Turn your brain off, and enjoy the chaos.

3.5 STARS

A MINECRAFT MOVIE

 “As a child, I yearned for the mines…”

Starring Jack Black as himself.

There are some things I should address right off the bat. First off: I’ve never played a single second of Minecraft in my life. I don’t hate the game, I’ve just never cared to play it. I’m positive that this film was filled with Minecraft references that went flying right over my head. Second: I’m not a fan of Jared Hess. I never cared for Napoleon Dynamite. In other words, I’m coming into this with a disadvantage. There’s also the reality that this film has already proven to be an absolute rager with the kids, so what I say here doesn’t really matter. A Minecraft Movie has already won. Am I upset about that? Read on to find out! *Spoilers: The answer is no.*

What is the plot of A Minecraft Movie? There isn’t much of one, but the bare basics are as follows: Steve (Jack Black) has hidden a macguffin in the real world that, if it were to fall into the wrong hands, could spell the end for The  Overworld/ Minecraft World. In the real world, washed up 80s teen video game champion, Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrettson (Jason Mamoa) falls into possession of it. The Garbage Man is not a garbage man (or even a garbage man. Think about it, you’ll get it.) but an owner of a video game store he’s barely keeping afloat.

The Garbage Man finds himself mentoring struggling teen Henry (Sebastian Hansen), who one day accidentally activates the macguffin. This opens a portal that proceeds to suck Harry, Garrett, Harry’s sister Natalie (Emma Meyers), and real estate agent Dawn (Danielle Brooks, who could previously be seen in The Color Purple and Peacemaker) into The Overworld. There, they find themselves thrust into a battle where the fate of the Overworld hangs in the balance.

A Minecraft Movie was written by Chris Bowman, Hubble Palmer, Neil Widener, Gavin James, and Chris Galletta. You read that right, five people worked on this thing. What did they do previously? Chris Bowman and Hubbel Palmer co-wrote Masterminds and Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life. Chris Galletta wrote The Kings of Summer and is writing Detective Pikachu 2. This is Neil Widener and Gavin James’ first big theatrical film. They credited with writing an upcoming Beyblade movie and San Andreas 2. 

With these credentials, one guess as to the quality of the screenplay here?

THAT’S RIGHT! IT SUCKS! The screenplay for A Minecraft Movie is incredibly lazy and full of contrivances. There is no flow to the proceedings. The scenes and sequence of events do not feel connected at all. The writing for the characters is weak. Most have minimal to no development. The dialogue is very cringe and meme-y, which is to say it’s awful. There is no passion, care, or thought put into the writing. It almost feels like this was a studio mandate. The entire film feels like a studio mandate. 

It was tough deciphering who the main character is. It’s arguably Henry, but the problem is the character is forgettable, uninteresting, and lacks presence. The only ones who have presence are Jason Momoa as The Garbage Man, Jack Black as Steve, and Danielle Brooks as Dawn.

As stated earlier, Jack Black plays himself here. Steve gets very minimal character development. I love Jack Black, and I always enjoy seeing him on screen. That said, we’ve seen this schtick a hundred times by now. Jack Black struts around the film, sings a handful of songs (one of which with Jason Momoa ends the film), and is just generally very Jack Black. His intensity is always over 100. Black is certainly lively, but he doesn’t leave much of a mark.

As Danielle Brook’s Dawn screams in one scene, “What am I doing here??!!!”. What am I doing here, indeed. Why was her real estate character included? The best guess would be the film needed someone in the group who most resembled a responsible adult. Dawn, much like Steve, has little to no character. Brooks shows up, and makes the absolute most out of a thankless role. She lights up the screen, as is usual.

As for who fares the worst, Emma Meyers’ Natalie gets the short end of the stick. Unmemorable, ill-defined, with no character arc. We don’t even get a confirmation of her age, which is a bit concerning seeing as she is the sole caregiver for Henry. Poor Emma Meyers, you deserved better. 

Jason Momoa as Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrettson gets the most development out of all our cast and rivals Jack Black for amount of screen time in the film. It’s to the point where it starts to feel like maybe he’s supposed to be the main character. As per usual, Momoa seems to be the only one who fully gets the assignment. He leans into his role with ease, hams it up, and is clearly having fun. He plays dumb very well, and many of A Minecraft Movie’s funniest moments involve him. 

As for memorable supporting roles, Rachel House (Previously the Grandma in Moana and Moana 2) voices Malgosha, the villain of the movie. Malgosha rules over The Netherworld/realm of the Pigs with an iron fist, and would use the macguffin to invade The Overworld. House is having a ton of fun and leaves an impression. Jared Hess (more on him in a moment) plays General Chungus, a fat pig who acts as the muscle for Malgosha but is very friendly and kind in nature. Chungus never fails to get a laugh. The Villagers that inhabit The Overworld are very cute and likable as well.

Speaking of Jared Hess, he directs A Minecraft Movie. His previous work includes Napoleon Dynamite, Gentlemen Broncos, Nacho Libre, and Don Verdean. He brings a wild, chaotic energy to the proceedings but the finished product is an unfocused, hyper-active mess.

 Despite being part of the problem, Hess might be this film’s saving grace. Hess injects his signature style and humor into the proceedings, but kid-ifies it. A lot of the humor doesn’t work, but the parts that do can hit surprisingly hard. Hess’ work helps to turn A Minecraft Movie from boring bad to fun bad.

A Minecraft Movie is constantly moving. There’s always something happening, and this never-ending propulsion forward helps to make things a little more tolerable. It’s also appreciated that the core message concerns the importance of imagination, creativity, and not giving up on your dreams. 

A Minecraft Movie is not good. It’s bad, very bad…but entertaining. Kids, Minecraft players, fans of Jared Hess, or bad movie connoisseurs will likely get the most out of this one. A Minecraft Movie is all but destined to become a new cult classic. Next stop: midnight screenings?

HURRY UP TOMORROW IS EMBARRESSINGLY BAD

 In ‘Hurry Up Tomorrow’, Abel Tesfaye/The Weeknd (Abel Tesfaye) has just had his girlfriend (voiced by Riley Keough) break up with him. After ending things, she leaves him a vicious voicemail that triggers all of his insecurities. He is tormented by the things she says in the message, and begins to experience intense hallucinations. Only exacerbating things is his growing concern for the health of his voice.

Lee (Barry Keoghan), Abel’s selfish, self-serving best friend, convinces him to continue the tour despite his fears. This results in Abel breaking his voice mid-performance in front of thousands of people. Humiliated, Abel flees the stadium, only to run into a troubled young woman (Jenna Ortega, whose character goes unnamed in the film. She is named in the end credit crawl, but that’s a spoiler for what’s going on here. So, she shall remain unnamed in this review.). Things get intimate between the two too quickly, which only makes his life worse.

‘Hurry Up Tomorrow’ literally opens with Abel blowing raspberries at the camera for close to a minute. That alone should tell you all you need to know about the quality of this flick. The plot for the film appears to have very little in common with the album it’s named after ( which was released months prior to the movie). You would think that this film should act as a kind of visual companion piece to the album, but it doesn’t really. Both album and movie share similar themes, but only seven out of the twenty-two tracks on the album relate to the events of the film in any direct way. 

Barry Keoghan isn’t given much to do as Lee. He has very little character or personality. Keoghan is essentially left to hump the air, stomp around, posture, and mug for the camera. He’s serviceable, but leaves little impression. It’s always good to see Barry Keoghan on the big screen, but this is far from his best work. At least he fares better than The Weeknd does.

The Weeknd plays himself. His character is literally named Abel Tesfaye and he makes songs under the name of The Weeknd. His role appears to be who The Weeknd wants audiences to believe is the real him, what he’s actually like off-stage. This leads to an issue: Abel is not painted in a sympathetic light. He does not make for a lead you want to root for.

In ‘Hurry Up Tomorrow’, Abel comes across as a whiny, temperamental a-hole who mostly throws tantrums and cries. It’s embarrassing, and is not a good look for the pop superstar. What’s worse? He fails to sell every single second of screen time he’s got. This is easily one of the all-time worst performances in film. The Weeknd tries hard, but fails. 

The Weeknd has always come across as someone who has a big ego in real life. ‘Hurry Up Tomorrow’ doesn’t help matters. It takes every chance it gets to glaze him up. There is much talk about how talented or gifted he is as an artist and how his music is the greatest of all time. As Lee tells him at one point: “I’m not asking a normal person to go out there and perform, I’m asking a supernatural fucking being, a superhuman, to them. They need you. You give them so much, they need you… You’re not human… You’re fucking invincible, you make them FEEL, on a different level.” 

A total of seven of The Weeknd’s songs play during the course of the runtime (and no, not all seven are from the album). At least four of the songs are played in full, and The Weeknd himself even gets to sing two of them in the film. It’s enough to make even the most rabid fan scream: “Enough already”! ‘Hurry Up Tomorrow’ also continues the disturbing trend of women not being portrayed well in The Weeknd’s projects. Many of his songs harbor negative emotions towards women, the lead female character in The Idol was problematic (to say the least), and now we have Jenna Ortega as the one-night stand from Hell. 

‘Hurry Up Tomorrow’ does Jenna Ortega no favors, revealing her character to be a mentally unwell and obsessed hyper-fan. Somehow though, she is undoubtedly the best part of this film. Ortega has plenty of moments where she gets to show off her acting abilities, but she also isn’t afraid to ham it up on occasion. She is certainly more watchable and believable than our other two leads. You can tell she is putting in the work. This is easily Jenna Ortega’s best performance this year (so far). 

Trey Edward Schulz directs ‘Hurry Up Tomorrow’ and previously directed and wrote ‘Krista’, ‘It Comes at Night’, and ‘Waves’. He does a poor job. His work here feels directionless, aimless, and even confused. Schultz also co-pens the screenplay with The Weeknd and Reza Fahim. This is The Weeknd’s and Reza Fahim’s first screenplay. They previously co-created ‘The Idol’ with others. 

The quality of The Weeknd’s, Shults’, and Reza Fahim’s writing is abysmally bad. The screenplay for ‘Hurry Up Tomorrow’ feels absent or not there most of the time, and the film itself often seems unsure of where it wants to go.  While the last 26 minutes are the “best” part of the movie, it’s not enough to redeem ‘Hurry Up Tomorrow’ as a whole. 

This movie has no business being as long as it is. The proceedings run at one hundred minutes (excluding the end credits crawl), but easily could have been cut down to forty minutes tops with nothing being lost.‘Hurry Up Tomorrow’ is filled with dead air, to the point where the end product feels completely empty. Examples of dead air include: It takes a full forty minutes for the plot to start rolling. The opening credits run throughout the first fifteen and a half minutes of the movie. There are multiple scenes where characters look/stare at each other or at the camera, where the camera spins endlessly around characters or rooms, and where characters walk around a room (The Weeknd even does so in total silence once). 

Chayse Irvin is in charge of Cinematography. He previously shot ‘Black KkKlansman’, ‘God’s Creatures’, and ‘Blonde’. The Cinematography is one of the stronger aspects of ‘Hurry Up Tomorrow’. It’s of a high-quality, but tends to opt for the trippy or dizzying most of the time. It often feels like the film is throwing trippy visuals at you in a desperate attempt to keep your attention, like a parent dangling car keys in front of their child. 

The Weeknd and Daniel Lopatin (aka Ohneotrix Point Never) are responsible for the score. Daniel Lopatin previously worked on ‘The Bling Ring’, ‘Good Time’, and ‘Uncut Gems’. While there are some moments where the score borders on being unlistenable, overall it’s another one of the stronger aspects of the movie. It’s very synthy and electronic, and fits the overall vibe this flick is trying (and failing) to create.

‘Hurry Up Tomorrow’ is going for A24 vibes, but it feels more akin to an ambitious, pretentious, ego-driven student film. It wears its influences on its sleeve including ‘Vanilla Sky’, ‘American Psycho’, ‘Misery’, and ‘Purple Rain’. There is an attempt at some deeper meanings, but it’s done in a very amateurish way and is poorly thought-out. This flick is nowhere near as clever or cool as it thinks it is. ‘Hurry Up Tomorrow’ is the worst movie of 2025 thus far. Pray it doesn’t get worse than this.

1 STAR

THE LIFE OF CHUCK

 A perfect adaptation of the source material, with a good deal of the dialogue lifted directly from the novella. It can border on feeling like a marching cavalcade of actors at times, with plenty of big names and Flanagan regulars stopping by to say hello. 

Included are Chiwetel Ejiofor, Tom Hiddleston, Nick Offerman, Karen Gillan, Matthew Lillard, Carl Lumbly, Rahul Kohli, Mia Sara, Kate Siegel, Annalise Basso, Mark Hamill, David Dastmalchian, Harvey Guillén, Violet McGraw, Samantha Sloyan, Jacob Tremblay, and Heather Langenkamp. 

The best performances belong to Chiwetel Ejiofor, Tom Hiddleston, Karen Gillian, David Dastmalchian, Mia Sara, Matthew Lillard, Samantha Sloyan, Mark Hamill, and Benjamin Pajak as middle school aged Chuck. 

Mike Flanagan writes and directs, and as per usual it seems like he’s the person working now who best understands Stephen King’s works and how to properly adapt them. There are many call backs to the first act throughout, which can get a bit old for those who already picked up on what Flanagan is trying to convey. 

The story itself takes a Pulp Fiction approach to its storytelling in as much as it’s told out of order or in reverse (the novella did the same thing). Flanagan adds less than a handful of extra scenes, but these only accentuate what’s already there. The score by The Newton Brothers sounds very Synthwave. It’s beautiful.

Life of Chuck is a film about the pain and grief of death, and the joys of life and dancing. The novella packs a harder emotional wallop, but this adaptation still manages to touch and move audiences when it needs to.

4.5 STARS

THE SURFER

 Nicolas Cage stars as a business man who brings his son to an Australian beach to surf. They are kicked out by an aggressive group of locals. Nic Cage, feeling emasculated, refuses to leave. He soon succumbs to heat stroke and starts to lose his mind, all while the locals continually harass and torment him. How much can one Nic Cage take?!

Nic Cage’s Falling Down. The Surfer is a silly, surreal, ultra-dark comedy. Nic Cage acts like he’s back in Vampire’s Kiss, which is appropriate seeing as this movie is also about a business man losing his mind. Cage is the single best thing about this film, also much like Vampire’s Kiss.

Lorcan Finnegan (Vivarium, Nocebo) directs and Thomas Martin (White Widow) writes. The directing is mostly consistent, going more for the humorous, silly, and surreal than anything else. The humor mostly works, though there is a lot of it. There is a stark tonal shift during the final 25 minutes or so, and the focus on comedy means it’s not as easy to take this film seriously when it wants us to.

It doesn’t help that the writing is incredibly bad. Characters act in unrealistic ways. One example is that the locals resemble bullies from a Stephen King novel. Characters don’t behave or react believably, either. Nic Cage’s son disappears for a good 95% or more of this film and Cage's character doesn’t even notice. There’s also a lot of dead air throughout as characters sneak around, hide, or wait a good deal of the time. 

Radek Ladczuk (The Babadook, The Nightingale, Nocebo) is in charge of cinematography, and does quality work. He constantly goes for the trippy or surreal. Sometimes it can be too much, like how the use of colors is nice and psychedelic, but also might make you feel like your eyes are bleeding. Regardless, Ladczuk clearly understood the assignment.

If all you want to see is Nic Cage lose his mind, you’ll get that in spades with The Surfer. Unfortunately, that’s about all this flick has to offer. Nic Cage being Nic Cage will never not be entertaining, but there are far better films to watch if you’re in the mood for that kind of thing. The Surfer isn’t the only person at the beach. Complete with an unsatisfying conclusion, The Surfer totally wipes out, dude! You’d do best to seek out Falling Down or Vampire’s Kiss instead.

2 STARS

28 YEARS LATER ALMOST HITS ITS MARK

 In 28 Years Later, we pick up 28 years after a global zombie apocalypse. In that time, the zombies have been successfully quarantined to the UK. We follow 12 year old Spike (Alfie Williams), who lives in an isolated community off the coast with his dying mom (Jodie Comer) and a-hole dad (Aaron Taylor-Johnson). When he learns of a doctor on the infested mainland who might be able to save his mom, a desperate Spike flees with his half-delirious mom in tow. 

Danny Boyle is back in the director’s seat after six years. Alex Garland penns the screenplay. 28 Years Later marks the duo’s third time collaborating on a project. The last film they made together was 2007’s Sunshine, and it should go without saying both created 28 Days Later. With these two at the helm, how bad could 28 YEARS LATER possibly be? More on that later.

The cinematography by Anthony Dod Mantle and editing by Jon Harris is *chef’s kiss*. The picture quality is mostly crisp and clear, and the editing is often sharp and fast. Some might find the furious pace of the editing during action scenes in particular to be nauseating, others might find it thrilling. 28 Years Later looks impeccable, and to think it was shot primarily on IPhones!

For 28 Years Later, Danny Boyle and Anthony Dod Mantle created a large rig capable of pointing 20 iPhone 15 Pro Max cameras at the intended subject. A 15 Pro Max was also used as the primary camera for the movie. It’s astounding to think that IPhones are capable of such quality. 

Aaron Taylor-Johnson plays Jamie. He is mostly in the first act, playing an unlikable jerk. He’s good in the role, but lacks any kind of an arc. Jodie Comer plays Isla, the dying mom. Though she spends much of the first act confined to her bed, much is asked of her later on. Her scenes can be inspiring, heart-breaking, and touching. Comer is one of the best parts of 28 Years Later.

Ralph Fiennes appears during the third act as a doctor who has gone a little loopy. Fiennes is good, but has had better roles and better performances. It doesn’t help that his doctor character borders on being camp, and doesn’t serve much of a purpose in the grand scheme of things. Maybe more will be revealed in future films? *Sigh*

Alfie Williams plays Spike, our lead. Spike is very well-written and acted. He does make some dumb decisions, but overall is a likable protagonist. Williams acts his heart out, and is a genuine pro. This is his first lead role in a film, but you wouldn’t be able to tell. Alfie Williams as Spike honestly might be the best part of this movie.

Young Fathers is in charge of the score for 28 Years Later and absolutely knock it out of the park. Their work is aggressively experimental, weaving in intense poems read aloud and rock or punk music at times. It’s an absolute work of art, and is definitely worthy of a listen on its own. 

There is much that is deserving of recognition and praise in 28 Years Later. Unfortunately, all that glitters is not gold. There are some story telling issues throughout. The first act (which is ironically the best portion of this flick) feels unimportant in hindsight, or at least not as important as it feels like it should be. A good deal of the later acts is characters wandering around or waiting. There is still enough action and zombie scenes to keep you awake and invested, but this flick can definitely drag at times. 

Another issue is that the film doesn’t really explore society/humanity as it functions and behaves 28 years later. The isolated community is interesting, with small hints about some sort of disturbing religion or rituals/practices. It’s also implied that there might be more to zombies than we thought. It’s hard not to be disappointed with the lack of world-building on display. What’s there is intriguing, but there should have been more.

And now, we come to the ending. Is it fair to punish a film just because its final 5 minutes was worse than you can put into words? It’s so bad, it makes every awesome minute that came before it immediately lose all meaning and worth. It’s baffling how the filmmakers fumbled the ball on the ending this badly! Like, what the fuck were you thinking?!

It would appear that Danny Boyle and Alex Garland might have approached 28 Years Later like it was the first 1/3 of a trilogy. This would explain why some characters lack arcs or development and why that abrupt and insulting cliffhanger is so bad. The big issue is, how do you expect audiences to get hyped for the upcoming sequel when you tease them with new, goofy leads in the literal final minutes?

So, is 28 Years Later one of the best of 2025? Oh boy, this one had potential. Unfortunately, no, it is not. For most of the film, 28 Years Later seems to be on a good, albeit occasionally bumpy, track. There is no coming back from that ending, though.

While the good far outweighs the bad here, the problems that are present threaten to completely sink the entire film right as it nears the finish line. In the end, 28 Years Later is a mostly enjoyable time with a few attempts at deeper messaging laced throughout. It could have been great, but a focus on future films hinders the storytelling, character development, and world building in the present.

3 STARS

PETER PAN'S NEVERLAND NIGHTMARE PERVERTS A CHILDHOOD ICON

 In Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare, we follow young Michael Darling (Peter DeSouza-Feighoney), whom is kidnapped by Peter Pan (Martin Portlock). As he is forced to face Peter’s house of horrors, his family is left to scramble for answers. Michael older’s sister, Wendy (Megan Placito), was one of the last people to see him before he was kidnapped and feels responsible. Little do either Peter or Wendy know, they are destined to meet.

Scott Chambers directs and writes Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare.  He previously starred as Christopher Robin in Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey 2, and co-wrote the screenplay for that film with Rhys Frake-Waterfield (who directed both of the Blood and Honey films, writing the first one solo). Chambers previously directed 19 rip-off/knock-off horror films and penned 36. So,  He’s clearly in his wheelhouse here.

If you were to watch any interviews with Scott, he comes across as a very sweet and wholesome guy. He clearly has a lot of love and passion for Neverland Nightmare. It’s essentially his baby. Does any of this come across in the final product?

Scott did a pretty good as far as directing duties go. He manages to coax performances from even minor and supporting roles. The highlights are Peter DeSouza-Feighoney as Michael and Megan Placito as Wendy (who only really plays into the story as our hero for the ending). They are both believable in their roles, and have some chemistry together as brother and sister. 

The writing is serviceable. There is no cringe-inducing dialogue and the story certainly has stakes for our leads. Unfortunately, each character gets minimal development, and the actual story and some of its elements feel borrowed from far better movies. There isn’t much originality in Neverland Nightmare. 

Martin Potlock plays Peter Pan, and he’s definitely trying here. However, the character is poorly-defined with very little development. Potlock constantly jumps back-and-forth between childish and demonic monster. It feels like the film or Scott didn’t have a clear handle on the character, which lead to the uneven and unconvincing performance from Potlock. 

One of the core problems is that Potlock’s Peter Pan is the beloved character in name only. His modus operandi is the same, but his personality is very different. This is where we run into some serious problems. Peter in this film is a dangerously delusional man-child whose real personality is psycho killer. The childish boy behavior appears to be an act he (poorly) puts on for the children he’s kidnapped. Potlock only manages to sell the role for the first ten minutes.

Blood and Honey 2 suffered from the exact same issue, where the killers were the classic characters in name only. It’s significant because those interested in this “Twisted Childhood Universe” aren’t paying money to watch characters that only vaguely resemble the ones promised. Wendy, for example, should have some meaningful connection with Peter based on how important they are to each other in the book. Yet, in this movie Wendy has no prior history with, or knowledge of Peter. Put in at least a little effort, guys.

Another issue is that Neverland Nightmare enjoys pushing boundaries when it comes to its deaths. It’s not that the deaths are special or unique, but more-so the fact that we’re watching a childhood icon carrying out murders that wouldn’t feel out of place in a Terrifier film. It just feels wrong.

Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare is a better film than Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey 2. There was more attention to the kills, and they were of a higher quality. Every actor is doing their best and putting in the effort. There is an attempt at crafting a story and characters. Unfortunately, the subject material we’re working with is uncomfortable and unpleasant, and this flick relishes in continually rubbing our faces in it.

Neverland Nightmare enjoys walking right up to the “bad touch” line. Luckily, Peter never does anything remotely sexual to his victims, but the plans he has for them are no less depraved, cruel, and traumatic. This entire movie feels designed to aggressively offend and shock. Some examples include: a scene where Peter strips down to completely nude, Tinker Bell (Kit Green, another bright spot) is a trans woman severely addicted to Pixie Dust,Peter shoots-up “Pixie Dust” so he can talk to “a god” which appears as a playful cartoon shadow of Peter on the wall, and Peter holds “Captain Hook” in his basement where he beats him with a belt on occasion (Yeah, that’s not Captain Hook.).

Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare is like if someone tried to mix together The Black Phone and one of the Terrifier movies, but did so poorly. While there are some things that are worthy of recognition (Once again, more than Blood and Honey 2), the distressing themes and situations make this not only a tough watch, but also a tough one to recommend. The best way to sum up Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare in one word? Ick.

2 STARS

28 DAYS LATER

When I first saw this back in high school, I actively disliked it because the soldiers were the bad guys. The good news is I like it now. The bad news is I still don’t think it’s a masterpiece. The cinematography is poor, but that was a deliberately transgressive choice and still comes across as such. The screenplay is solid. The characters are all likable, even if their development and arcs are basic.

The message about the collapse of society and how people react when they believe the world is ending isn’t novel or unique (See: any of Romero’s Dead trilogy). There aren’t as many zombies/infected here as you might expect, but they dominate every scene they’re in and are genuinely scary. They’re spread throughout the film, but likely appear most during the first act and a half. The characters are well cast, and all our actors do great work.

28 Days Later doesn’t have as much to say as it thinks it does, and what it does have to say isn’t anything new or deep. Luckily it has more than enough engaging or scary moments/scenes so that, even when it stumbles, it’s never enough to total the film. 28 Days Later is a highly influential/important zombie movie that continues to frighten and thrill. 

3.5 STARS

STARGATE

 Directed by Roland Emmerich, and written by Emmerich and Dean Devlin. Devlin co-wrote Universal Soldier and Geostorm (and directed Geostorm). The writing team of Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin were also responsible for Independence Day and Godzilla. Needless to say the screenplay here is not good. Thinly written/developed characters, numerous plot conveniences (For example: During a good deal of the first act James Spader’s Daniel Jackson will walk into rooms and immediately know the answers to decades long problems/mysteries with disgustingly little effort), and weak dialogue. 

Not a fan of the Arabic-coded natives, either. Feels a bit problematic. Regardless, there is potential here. Stargate has a very silly but cool story involving the creator/s of the human race, Egyptian Gods, aliens, slavery (yes, really), and inter-galactic travel. Most of the flick utilizes practical effects and sets, which are all top-notch. This wasn’t rare back then, but it sure is now.

Props to the production design by Holger Gross, who does a stand-out job. His work is a definite bright spot. James Spader and Kurt Russell fit their respective roles well (and honestly, who doesn’t enjoy watching Kurt Russell tussle with some Egyptian gods). It’s a shame that both are given relatively little to work with. Richard Kind and French Stewart get supporting roles, and it’s shocking to see them here (and in mostly serious roles too. Both aren’t good.).

Stargate is another one of those films best enjoyed with your brain in the off position. It should be exciting, but is more often bland. There’s some mild fun to be had with Stargate, but the bad pieces weigh down the good that’s here. Despite some bumps, Stargate does not rank as one of Roland Emmerich’s worst (it’s fine), but still falls far from greatness. Let’s make the jump to a better film.

2.5 STARS

HERO: THE ROCK OPERA

 The RENT-ification of Jesus Christ Superstar. The only changes are to character’s names and locations. Feels more like an extended worship music concert than a musical because, even though this is just the Jesus story again, there is very little plot or through-line. 

Most actors in Hero aren’t good. The actor who plays Hero/Jesus has very little personality and seems a bit too into himself. The worst of the bunch is the guy who plays Judas/Jude. His facial expressions are very over-exaggerated at points. He is really going for the gold, and he seems convinced that he is killing it. He’s very sure of himself, but he’s doing an awful job. 

Hero boasts a whopping total of 31 original songs (and not even one of them is remotely close to approaching good) all played in succession with almost no dialogue being spoken in-between. It’s an exhausting show, not to mention they spend barely any time on the crucifixion part (a shame, as Hero/Jesus being hung from a city street sign isn’t a bad visual). Long story short: It’s bad. Very, very, very bad. I can’t imagine why kid me was low-key obsessed with this album for a brief period of time.

1 STAR

SEVEN SAMURAI

 One of the most highly influential films of all time, and a genuine epic. A village of destitute farmers have their crops and lives threatened by a group of bandits. Desperate, the farmers hire seven samurai to defend their village.

The stand-outs are Isao Kimura as Katsushiro (a young samurai apprentice), Yoshio Tsuchia as Rikichi (a young farmer who first thinks of hiring the samurai), and Takashi Shimura (the head samurai). By far the best of the cast is Toshirô Mifune as Kikuchiyo, a crazed loose-canon who believes he is a samurai. He’s not always likable as he’s consistently brash, quick to anger, and eager to fight but he lights up the screen whenever he’s on (which is often).

Seven Samurai feels very similar to a western, is there any wonder why it was later remade into The Magnificent Seven. Other films that took inspiration from Seven Samurai include Star Wars: Episode IV- A New Hope, Star Wars: Episode VI- The Return of the Jedi (the entire last hour and fifteen minutes is basically the battle on Endor), Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, A Bugs Life, Battle Beyond the Stars, Three Amigos, Blade Runner, Sicario, The Avengers, and more. Seven Samurai is credited as popularizing the “getting the team/gang together” trope, introducing the tactic of using rain to set the mood for an action scene, introducing the hero early on in an action scene unrelated to the rest of the plot, and some even claim it provided the clearest model for the Hollywood blockbuster brand of filmmaking in the ‘70s.

Seven Samurai runs at longer than three hours. It’s LONG, but painless. If it were to get a proper rating, it would likely receive a PG. Some people die, but there is little bloodshed and the deaths are non-graphic. Believe it or not, Seven Samurai is pretty family friendly.

Seven Samurai has an incredible reputation, and the film easily earns it. Despite the frightening three hour plus run-time, it’s actually very fun and entertaining while it’s on. This is three hours that do not go wasted. Seven Samurai is a must-watch for any film fan, fans of Star Wars, fans of Westerns, and fans of blockbusters.

4.5 STARS

EDDINGTON FORCES AUDIENCES BACK INTO A NIGHTMARE

 In ‘Eddington’, The year is 2020, peak of the pandemic. Sheriff Joe Cross (Joaquin Phoenix)  of Eddington, New Mexico finds himself being pushed to his limits by Mayor Ted Garcia’s (Pedro Pascal) enforcement of the mask and health mandates put out by the CDC. Joe decides to run in direct opposition to Ted for mayor in the town’s upcoming elections, sparking a personal and bloody political race. 

Joaquin Phoenix plays Joe Cross, the lead of ‘Eddington’. Cross is clearly more Conservative-leaning, but he starts out as a “good guy”, and acts as a decent enough guide into the darkness and insanity. There are portions where Phoenix is fleeing from those who wish him harm that feel very similar to Beau is Afraid, but overall this is one of the more different roles that Phoenix has received as of late. There’s still some pratfalls, clumsiness, and awkwardness but beneath all that lies a toxic combination of hate, anger, and fear. 

Pedro Pascal plays Ted Garcia, the mayor of Eddington. He’s more Liberal-leaning, and has been receiving a lot of criticism lately for his push to get an AI facility built outside of Eddington. Ted isn’t exactly the most likable person as, when a council member brings up some issues with his proposal, he mutes his mic to say “Will someone fucking shut this bitch up.”. He doesn’t seem like a great mayor as he has a clear superiority complex (as does Joe).

Emma Stone plays Louise, wife to Joe. Louise has a traumatic backstory, but only really serves one purpose and not much else. Not to mention Emma Stone marrying Joaquin Phoenix? GROSS!!! Austin Butler appears briefly as Vernon, a seductive new-age cult leader. Vernon, much like Louise, is given very little to do. He doesn’t amount to much by the end, and is forgettable. 

Luke Grimes plays Guy, another deputy at the police department. He’s got some questionable beliefs, and tends to be more eager to act than others. Michael Ward plays Michael, a black deputy at the police department who finds himself torn between wanting to join the protests in town and upholding his duty as a member of the law. He’s the most likable and sincere of the cast, and his arc is ultimately not too dissimilar to Joe’s. 

Cameron Mann plays Brian, a high-schooler who gets swept up into the protest movement due to his crush on the movement’s leader, Sarah (Amélie Hoeferle). Horferle and Mann share some chemistry, even despite the screenplay asking them to act in exaggerated or ridiculous ways. Brian in particular proves to be one of the more important side characters in the film. 

‘Eddington’ is Ari Aster’s fourth feature film. In it, Aster uses the COVID-19 pandemic to craft a neo-western satire about how good people can become violently radicalized. It’s imaginative, it’s creative, it’s weird. It also doesn’t have much new to say. 

Darius Khondji ( Delicatessen, The City of Lost Children, Se7en, Evita, Alien: Resurrection, The Ninth Gate, The Beach, Panic Room, Funny Games 2007, The Ruins, Midnight in Paris, Amour, The Lost City of Z, Okja, Uncut Gems, Bardo: False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths, Mickey 17) is in charge of cinematography. This marks the first time Pawel Pogorzelski isn’t shooting an Ari Aster project since the two’s team up back in 2011. The camerawork here is still impressive, crisp, and clear. It’s not bad, but you can still tell something is different this go-round. 

The rest of Aster’s usual crew returns and all do their usual great work. The editing by Lucian Johnston is sharp and purposeful. The Haxan Cloak/Bobby Krlic is joined by Daniel Pemberton (LittleBigPlanet video game, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse) to craft the score. The score is used to up the tension and anxiety throughout, especially during an intense protest/riot later on. 

Ari Aster has a lot he wants to say and comment on, from student political activists to pandemic-era fears and anxieties, and a whole bunch of stuff in-between. Everything he’s trying to tackle could be interesting, but the ideas and commentary don’t fit neatly into the same film. The threads get messy and the focus gets lost. 

The town of Eddington, New Mexico is fictional but feels like it could be real. The time spent with the student activists helps to flesh out the town and some of its citizens. The film keeps threatening to boil over into town-wide violence, but ‘Eddington’ doesn’t take things as far as it could have or should have.

The pandemic/COVID-19 commentary film genre is one that doesn’t have much longevity. The pandemic was a number of years we’d all prefer not to think about as the trauma is still fairly fresh. Aster’s take on COVID is likely the most creative and entertaining we’re going to get. There’s much that rings true and is recognizable despite being satire. 

While what it has to say isn’t anything new and the proceedings can get messy, ‘Eddington’ still has a great amount of technical merit to it and is a very well-made film. This movie doesn’t take sides, instead taking jabs at all parties and in so doing invites us to laugh at ourselves. ‘Eddington’ is ultimately attempting to explore how a good person could become a violent radical, and why people choose the sides they do. It’s not his strongest effort, but ‘Eddington’ continues to showcase the unique talent and voice that Ari Aster is.

3.5 STARS

M3GAN 2.0 KILLS A POTENTIAL HORROR ICON

 In M3GAN 2.0, the military contracts an upgraded version of M3GAN named AMELIA (Ivanna Sakhno) made by a wealthy independent tech firm to work for them. On her first mission, AMELIA goes rogue and starts killing her way back to D.C. . Desperate, the military go to Gemma (Allison Williams) and Cady (Violet McGraw) for help in bringing down AMELIA. M3GAN (Once again voiced by Jenna Davis and performed by Amie Donald) reveals that she survived the events of the first film and has been posing as Gemma’s home AI. 

M3GAN says she wants to help, claiming that she is the only way to defeat AMELIA. In order to stop her though, M3GAN will need a new and upgraded body. Gemma goes to work, but who ultimately poses the bigger threat? AMELIA or an upgraded M3GAN?

Gerard Johnston returns to helm this sequel to his first film. This go-round the powers-that-be decided to include Akela Cooper, screenwriter for the first movie, on only as a story co-contributor with Gerard Johnstone. Johnstone is the sole credited screenwriter here. It’s an interesting decision seeing as he isn’t credited with either story or screenplay creation for the first M3GAN. 

The screenplay for M3GAN 2.0 is bad. The plot is incredibly threadbare, acting purely as a vehicle for the action scenes. It’s not funny and every joke falls flat. Some loose ends from the first film are tied up and M3GAN 2.0 retains the same tone as its predecessor, but those hoping for a horror film are going to be sorely disappointed.

M3GAN 2.0 is a comedic spy/espionage action-thriller. It chooses to discard any horror elements in favor of instead leaning all the way into meme-culture, comedy, and action. There are no horror aspects to M3GAN 2.0 . The most we get is some tension regarding whether or not M3GAN has ulterior motives and can be trusted. There are more deaths here than the first, but there is little-to-no-blood. It’s not a great trade-off. 

The first M3GAN actually had a great message that was cleverly told about childhood attachment to and parents’ over-dependence on technology. The messages in M3GAN 2.0 concern crafting safer laws around technology and learning to nurture A.I instead of being afraid of it. Both messages are conveyed through a shoe-horned speech delivered by Gemma during the final minutes. It’s a safe assumption that M3GAN 2.0 is more interested in action and comedy than in conveying a message or messages.

M3GAN the doll is handled ok. She is still sassy, but lacks the edge found in the first film and generally feels neutered. She fights many people, but only kills one. She seems to be fighting to knock-out or incapacitate, not kill. Many of M3GAN 2.0’s decisions or choices were directly inspired by or modeled after those Terminator 2 made, but most work far less often than they did in that movie, including the switch of murderous antagonist to mostly not murderous protagonist. 

The rest of the cast pale in comparison to the performances they gave the first time around. No one seems excited to be here. Jemaine Clement is here, but feels incredibly out-of-place and isn’t in the proceedings much. He only exists as a way to introduce a rival technology so M3GAN 2.0 can rip-off Upgrade for ten and a half minutes near the end. 

M3GAN 2.0 feels empty or hollow. There’s some surface, airy fun but there’s not as much going on underneath the surface as there was in the first M3GAN. The makers of M3GAN 2.0 assumed that the titular doll was an icon after the success of the first film, and who could blame them? Maybe she was, and they ruined it. 

It took United Artists seven years to make a sequel to The Terminator. It only took Blumhouse two years to make a sequel to M3GAN. Even if M3GAN WAS an icon, she wasn’t on the same level as the T-800 or even the T-1000. Give the girl some time to cook (and I’m not talking about in the kitchen). 

M3GAN 2.0 is a miscalculated flop due to a variety of reasons; from the sole screenwriter not returning to said role, to a drastic shift in genres, to a presumptuousness on Blumhouse’s/Jason Blum’s part. The first M3GAN was a legitimate surprise that M3GAN 2.0 tries and fails to capitalize on. This second outing is bigger, longer (running at an hour fifty-three minutes excluding credits), and dumber, but it lacks the heart and soul of the first film. Despite what its title suggests, M3GAN 2.0 is a downgrade.

2 STARS

THE CAT IN THE HAT REMAINS A FEVER DREAM

 A mean-spirited attack on all things Seuss.

Written by Alec Berg, David Mandel, and Jeff Schaffer. The three co-wrote EuroTrip and The Dictator (Sacha Baron Cohen shares screen writing credit with the three on The Dictator). Alec Berg co-created Barry, David Mandel co-wrote 62 episodes of Saturday Night Live, and Jeff Schaffer co-wrote Brüno and co-created Dave and The League. He co-wrote 61 episodes of The League as well. Are these three men the first candidates you would choose to penn a Dr. Seuss adaptation? 

Bo Welch is one of the greatest production designers of all time, having worked on films such as Beetlejuice, Men in Black, Men in Black II, Men in Black 3, Thor, Wild Wild West, The Birdcage, Batman Returns, Ghostbusters 2, Edward Scissorhands, and The Lost Boys. His only other directing credits are 2 episodes of the 90s Tick tv show and 5 episodes of the A Series of Unfortunate Events show for Netflix. It’s hard to judge his skill as a director seeing as his work in that area is very limited. Unfortunately, if we have to go by this film alone (and it would appear we don’t have any other option), it might be best that Bo Welch stick to production design. 

The production design sampled here is one of the very few highlights, looking consistently Seussian throughout. Ironically, it’s not Welch who is in charge of production design. That job falls solely to Alex McDowell, who has worked on movies like The Lawnmower Man, The Crow, The Crow II: City of Angels, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Minority Report, Fight Club, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Corpse Bride, The Terminal, Bee Movie, Watchmen, and Man of Steel. This definitely ranks among some of his better work.

Cat in the Hat has emerged as a cult classic. It’s not one for the kids, but for the adults and weirdo’s. It’s like if someone decided to mix comedy similar to what you would find in a movie like Friendship into a Cat in the Hat adaptation. It doesn’t work except as a crazed fever dream nightmare. If you at all hold an affinity for the good doctor, you’d do best to stay far away from this one

0.5 STAR