CARS 2 ISN'T AS BAD AS THEY SAY IT IS

It's clear Pixar definitely put a lot of effort into this, and most of it (surprisngly) doesn't go to waste. The visuals are stunning, the jokes are clever, and the story is inspired. Unfortunately,The spy elements don't fit as well into the Cars universe as they could. That said, I can't really bash the spy elements all that much because I found them quite entertaining. It was cool to see all the spy cars and the kind of weapons and gadgets they had at their disposal.


Cars 2 also plays host to the most violence I believe I've seen in a Pixar film so far . Cars are completely destroyed and one is tortured till it explodes. This places Cars 2 in the surprising "not for young ones" category.


The message in Cars 2 isn't necessarily a strong one, so Cars 2 comes across as a film that's all surface fun, nothing's really going on underneath the hood. That's not necessarily a bad thing though, sometimes it's nice to see a film that doesn't take itself too seriously and is perfectly happy driving around at cruise control (About that message: I don't agree with the whole "You shouldn't change, the people around you need to" part, but I understand what they were trying to say. You need to just be yourself).Cars 2 has a very fun, relaxed atmosphere that is easy to slip into for a while.


While it's not as strong as some of Pixar's other outings, Cars 2 is still pretty damn charming and fun at it's best, and there is a certain fun to be had watching a world that has been overrun with sentient cars.


Overall Cars 2 is a sleek, fun film.


3/5 Stars

PREPARE TO GET SUCKER PUNCH'D.

This is going to hurt.....a lot.

Zach Snyder has made very few enjoyable films, his best effort I believe was Watchmen (at least, from the films of his I have seen). Unfortunately, it is time for the final nail in his coffin. He made a film called Sucker Punch that I can not and will not forgive. This film is bad on so many levels, and I'm about to give Sucker Punch and Zach Snyder a tase of their own medicine. So Sucker Punch and Zach Snyder...prepare to get Sucker Punch'd.

Sucker Punch is the story of Babydoll who, after a series of unfortunate incidents, is sent to a mental institution where she is set to be lobotomized. During the procedure she escapes into a fantasy world that exists only inside her mind. While my description of the plot makes sense, the way they go about telling the story in the film only confuses the viewer and turns the film into a nonsensical nightmare.

Unlike the film, I will attempt to order my complaints in a way that make sense. My first complaint: The message.

The film has heavy feminist views, but the puppet-master (Zach Snyder) is not a feminist and so the message is ultimately perverted. The film is all about female empowerment, but according to the film the female leads get their strength and power form their sexuality and their bodies. This, I'm sure, would send any true feminist into a rage. The ladies represent female empowerment, but they wear sexually suggestive clothes, and do sexually suggestive dances that turn any sane headed male intro a drooling mess.

This brings me to my second complaint with the film: It's portrayal of males. In Sucker Punch, every male seen in the film is disgusting, perverted and inherently evil (all except the wise man who appears ONLY in the dream sequences). The males in this film are easily distracted by girls dancing seductively, and while this is probably true of just about any teen male I think adults wouldn't be so easily rused. This deeply offends me. I am a man, and while I do enjoy girls in bikini's and girls dancing I'm not some perverted, dumb animal that only thinks about girls in a sexual way or is only out to hurt and abuse girls, I wouldn't lose all sense of reason or consciousness if a girl were to dance in font of me for a few minutes. I think I would notice if a girl were to steal something out of my pocket if another one was dancing in front of me. Zach Snyder's portrayal of men comes across like he watched a week's worth of Lifetime and then put those ideals into his film. It's clear he is trying to appeal to females, but he's doing it all wrong.

My third complaint with the film is it's insistence to try and make it's proceedings as nonsensical as possible, because Inception was such a popular film...right? The film starts out in the real world, then receeds into Babydoll's fantasy world, and then (during Babydoll's dance sequences) receeds even deeper into her mind only to return to her previous fantasy world when the dance ends. NOTHING MAKES ANY GODDAMNED SENSE!!!! At least in Inception the film tried to apply some form of sense and intelligence to it's proceedings, in Sucker Punch Zach Snyder throws a wrench into the gears of his film and thinks he's suceeded when audiences walk out confused. Even at the end of the film when we FINALLY return to the real world Snyder still attempts to keep things nonsensical when we are told the whole story was actually about another inmate who we aren't even given a backstory for or a reason to care about. Why would Babydoll do all this for someone she doesn't even know very well? Snyder also puts the head of the Sanitarium in an inmate uniform even though there is no reason for him to be in one except it makes the film that much more confusing. I see what you're trying to do here Snyder, but PLEASE STOP, you don't understand the art that we call film well enough to succeed in your efforts.

My fourth complaint are the fantasy-action sequences. In a way, Sucker Punch almost feels like Zach Snyder wanted to do some mini-tales he never had the chance to do, and these manifest in the numerous "dream-within-a-dream" sequences in the film. These parts don't make any sense either, as the girls are pit against dragons, steampunk Nazi's, futuristic robots, and robotic samurai soldiers. Why??? Because Zach Snyder always wanted to create these awesome scenes, he doesn't care if the audience gives a fuck-all about them... he's clearly doing this for himself and no one else. In fact, it feels like the whole film was done purely for his own entertainment, audience sensibilities were not taken into concern in any part of the film. If Zach Snyder thought it was cool, it made it into the finished product. These sequences fail to capture audiences imaginations or even their attention, because there is never any tension or reason to root for anybody inside these parts. It is made clear these parts are not actually occurring and so nobody is actually in any real danger. I wonder why Snyder didn't realize this when he was crafting these parts...maybe he just didn't care?

My fifth complaint is the violence found in the film. Now don't get me wrong, I love me some mindless violence but for some reason the violence found in Sucker Punch really rubbed me the wrong way. The violence sampled here is surprisingly brutal and intense, and not to mention there's a lot of it. The Nazi sequence is host to quite possibly the most brutal, intense volence found in the film and the Dragon sequence actually had me rooting for the Dragon to gobble all them heartless bitches up. These girls kill an innocent dragon baby just because they are told to, and when it's mother emerges in a fit of rightful vengeance we are supposed to root for her demise, when in reality she is completely justified. These girls truly deserve to die in this sequence (but they don't). I strongly believe that Sucker Punch deserved an R rating for it's depictions of violnce in the film, but somehow Snyder suckered the MPAA into letting him slip by with a PG-13, an incorrect rating for a film that can be surprisingly heartless, brutal and intense at times.

Now, let me point out the only few good things in this otherwise terrible film. Oscar Isaac is fantastic as the sleazy whorehouse owner/sanitarium head. He appears to be the only one having fun with his role and easily steals every scene he's in. Despite his status as lead villain, he's still a fun character (He also appears in Driver). Another highlight is Jon Hamm as the lobotomist, not much to be said here. He's a great actor, and while he's only in the end of the film he still plays his role pretty well. That's all the good stuff folks, sadly.

Snyder is a purely selfish filmmaker that creates films purely for his own twisted amusement, and this has never been clearer than in Sucker Punch, a film which feels like it was made purely to be played over and over in Snyder's own private viewing room. The female empowerment message is twisted and warped so that it fits Snyder's own image of females, the film never attempts to make any goddamned sense (Possibly the most frustrating aspect of Sucker Punch), it's fantasy sequences are full of dull CGI and non-exciting pieces of action ( and, of-course, TONS of super slo-mo shots), and the handling of the male characters is just as offensive and angering as the film's handling of its female characters.

So all in all, if you think you'd enjoy a good 2 hours of Zach Snyder ejaculating all over the screen...then maybe Sucker Punch is right up your alley. Myself though, I think I can find better films with which to waste my time and money on. Put simply, Sucker Punch sucks!

0.5/5 FUCK YOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIME TRAVEL

Yes, it was on THIS VERY DAY that time travel was invented. On Nov. 5, 1955 Doc Brown took a nasty fall off of his toilet and hit his head, resulting in a miraculous vision...a vision that would lead to the later creation of the FLUX CAPACITOR, the very thing that makes time travel possible.

Without the Flux Capacitor, The Delorean would just be another car. So Happy Birthday Flux Capacitor and Happy Birthday Time Travel.

FAST 5 HATES THE POLICE

This is my first time ever watching a Fast and The Furious film. I went in not expecting much and I gotta say...I was pleasantly surprised.

In Fast 5, after a botched car heist Dom (Vin Diesel) brings the whole gang back together to take down evil investor Hernan Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida). Meanwhile, Brian O'Connor (Paul Walker) is busy preparing for girlfriend (and Dom's sister) Mia's (Jordana Brewster) baby. As the newest heist slowly takes shape, Dom and crew must stay one step ahead of Luke Hobbs (The Rock) and his special forces team who have been dispatched to apprehend Dom and friends before they can strike again.

Fast 5 comes across as a Robin Hood story for the new generation. The heist this time around focuses on a vault owned by Hernan Reyes in which he stores all of his ill-gotten gains. As the film progresses we learn that this is not your normal heist job since the vault is located in a military police station and it would appear that Reyes has the whole of the police force in his back pocket. If course, this leads to quite the final showdown as numerous cop cars are completely destroyed during the final thrilling car chase.

Most, I imagine, go to a Fast and Furious film for action and this film delivers that in droves. Right from the opening scene Fast 5 throws down the gauntlet and lets us all know that we are in store for a lot of mindless, drool worthy action set pieces. Unfortunately, most of these parts occur in the beginning and end of the film, Fast 5's middle section is quite boring as we are treated to lots of exposition, character build up, and exploration into this group's family dynamic. When this film is good it's really good, but when it's boring....well, bring a pillow.

One of the best scenes in Fast 5 involve the stunningly exotic Gisele Harabo (Gal Gadot), who owns just about every scene she is in due to her fantastic body. Apparently she isn't above strutting her stuff for us, as she appears in one scene with nothing but a tight fitting bikini on and we are treated to lengthy trailing hots of her ass as the camera follows closely behind her. She really owns that bikini in this scene, and she isn't afraid to show off her goods. Even for a PG-13 film, it's still quite a show (the ass gods done good work on this one).

By far the best part of this film (and possibly the most enjoyable character in it as well) is The Rock as Bad-ass macho man Luke Hobbs. This film marks a return to form for The Rock, he easily breaks away from his watered down image that Disney created for him and steps back into a classic role that he is an expert at playing. His character is reminiscent of his characters in The Scorpion King, The Mummy 2, and Doom. It's great to see he still can play the hardened bad-ass, and makes for a refreshing breath of air. For an actor that has grown stale in the past couple of years, he really shines here and is easily unforgettable. A lot of the film's charm lies in his character (and his portrayal of said character here) and the film just wouldn't have the same oomph without The Rock in it.

So, in the end the good outweighs the bad in Fast 5. If you like high octane car chases and fiery fast paced action scenes then I'm sure you will get a kick out of Fast 5. Fast 5 reminded me of the films I grew up with and would watch when I was younger, so it holds an almost nostalgic quality for me. Either way, Fast 5 easily emerges as the best action film I have seen in 2011 thus far.

4/5 Stars

BEETLE'S TRAILER REVIEW: PROJECT X

This has officially become one of my most anticipated films of 2012. No need to say any more, roll the trailer!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecLYhvu_WQY&list=PL8922AE7C9FEBB977&index=165&feature=plpp_video

The trailer doesn't give much away about the film, and I hope the marketing campaign keeps this strategy going. It's great to see a trailer that doesn't ruin the whole damn film for audiences.

From what I can make out in the trailer, Project X is about a high school kid named Thomas that decides to throw a party while his parents are away in an attempt to become cool and to nail some of the girls he's had his eye on. Naturally, the party grows and grows as word spreads and eventually it seems to grow out of control and cops are called in to contain it. Not the most realistic of scenarios, but it does have a certain appeal to it.

Included in the trailer is some POV cam shots (if the film will be filmed entirely like this is still left to be seen), some hot girls dancing and being provocative, Thomas jumping from a roof into a bounce house, a car being driven into a pool, a killer re-mix of Kid Cudi's Pursuit of Happiness, and the words "You're Invited" in large print near the end.

All in all, I'm digging the plot so far and I hope it's as simplistic as it sounds. The trailer has officially sparked my interest and seems to promise mucho fun. So all in all Project X looks like it's shaping up to be one helluva party, where do I RSVP?

CHRISTMAS COMES EARLY: A VERY HAROLD AND KUMAR CHRISTMAS

Hey there Beetleheads! Now that Halloween has finally ended, I think it's about time for me to start to get in the yuletide spirit and what better way to celebrate the holidays than with some of the green stuff.

In A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas we meet back up with our favorite duo six years after Guantanamo Bay. Harold and Kumar have parted ways and now Harold is married to the very hot Maria and is in a panic trying to impress her hardcore dad during the holidays (played by Danny "Machete" Trejo) and Kumar is stuck at a dead end with his life as he only has the energy to stay home and get high. Fate would appear to have greater plans for our duo though. When a mysterious package arrives at Kumar's door addressed to Harold, Kumar goes to deliver it to him and both men accidentally burn down Machete's prized Christmas tree. Suddenly the race is on to find a replacement tree before the night ends, and of course things don't go exactly as planned creating one helluva crazy christmas night.

Harold and Kumar's 4th theatrical outing is the most ambitious and wild of them all, taking stabs at religion, the holidays, and even 3D (there are quite a few jokes about 3D in the film)! The film is surprisingly clever and can be quite subtle with how it takes on all the new material here. From Kal Penn's new real life job at The White House, to NPH's sexuality, to classic holiday claymation cartoons, to minorities, to even JESUS,  nothing is safe in A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas and that I love that. You never know what they're going to take a stab at next.

Not to mention the 3D is some of the best I've seen. Most films these days focus on the depth aspect of 3D, not Harold and Kumar. This film says "SCREW DEPTH, people want things flying out at them!" and they deliver this in droves. From pot smoke, to christmas trees, to snow, to ping pong balls, to eggs, many things will fly out of the screen and seem to be right in front of your nose. Not many films can achieve this, but Harold and Kumar does it with ease.

As always, NPH steals every scene he's in from an impressive Christmas 3D spectacle to a hilarious lengthy scene in his dressing room in which we learn the truth about NPH's sexuality. He comes across as a bigger asshole than in the other films here, but is still all the more loveable, I just wish there were more of him here. I guess it just goes to show that you can't keep this guy down.

Despite all the hilarity and drug consuming to be found here, A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas manages to feel like a real Christmas film. There are strong themes about family and friendship to be found here, and there's quite a bit of heart that lie under the crazed proceedings, perhaps that's why this Harold and Kumar film manages to stand tall above the others. Don't be surprised if you walk out of the theater humming a Christmas tune.

A very Harold and Kumar Christmas is easily the best film in the series so far (It's also one of the most meta films you will ever find). It's exceedingly clever, subtle (at times), hilarious, smart, and naughty. It knows who it's target audience is and goes about coming up with ways to keep them thoroughly entertained. If you don't like stoner comedy or marijuana being heavily consumed in a holiday film then this film is definitely not for you. However, if you get a kick out of a toddler ingesting three different illegal substances in one night and tripping her little head off or the awesomeness of an ass-kicking waffle-bot that falls in love with kumar then I can safely say that this is very much your film. Harold and kumar may take a bite out of some of our beloved holiday traditions, but the proceedings are done in a light-hearted, fun way and manage to never come across as mean spirited ( A miracle!). It's one of the best holiday films to come out in recent years, and that's saying a lot. All in all, A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas is a fun way to start out the holiday season.

4.5/5 Stars

BEETLE REVIEWS THE ORIGINAL HALLOWEEN 2

Halloween 2 is the film in which I first fell in love with Michel Meyers.

Halloween was a horror classic. It created a horror icon in the guise of Michael Meyers and Halloween 2 serves to cement this undeniable fact.

Halloween 2 picks up literally just moments after the first one ended with Loomis running outside to find Michael has vanished and Laurie being carried into an ambulance to be taken to a hospital for her wounds received in the first film. Loomis quickly rallies together the local police force to track Michael down and put a reign to his terror. While they search the streets, the hospital Laurie is being housed at becomes host to a whole new slew of murders as it becomes increasingly obvious that Michael will not rest until he has killed Laurie.

Halloween 2 may not be as widely loved as it's classic predecessor is but don't let that fool you, this is still very much a great film nontheless, succeeding at adding new elements into it that the original Halloween did not have.

For me, quite possible the most interesting thing Halloween 2 does is give us a somewhat intimate look at how Michael's killing spree has affected the small town of Haddonfield, Illinois. The citizens are in a panic and riot at the Meyer's home, throwing rocks at its windows in a frightened rage. This scene was particularly effective. The town's overall reaction to this violent event is wholly believable and quite sad, it is obvious that it will take a while for the town of Haddonfield to get over these gruesome events.

Another thing that this film adds is a new level of violence that was, I imagine, quite brutal for it's time. Just about all the kills are inventive. Unlike it's predecessor, the camera does not shy away from these kills, lingering on them and even switching to close up shots as the victims are murdered. The violence here is similar to the violence that can be sampled in just about any horror film today, and I guess in this way Halloween 2 may have been ahead of it's time. My personal favorite kill is the hot tub, This is where the film first reveals that this time around it will be reveling in the vast amount of gore and kills that are sure to follow in this film. Deliciously sick, twisted and brutal, the hot tub kill is, in my opinion, the most memorable kill in the whole film.

There are also some really cool shots in this film, like one where Michael walks right through a glass door. We all already know that Michael is a unstoppable force of great evil, and Halloween 2 only further drives that point home. Here, he has a brute strength that is breathtaking and terrifying in all the right ways (like one scene where he stabs a girl in the back and then proceeds to lift her off the floor with his small knife/scapel). In Halloween 2 Michael is still treated like a mysterious, supernatural (and pretty smart) force, much like he was in the first Halloween film. This is very much the same Michael Meyers we saw in the first film, thank God for that.

I mentioned in my review of the original Halloween that there was no nudity to be found in that film. Well, there ain't much to be sampled in Halloween 2 either, but there is thankfully, one scene of boobage that whet my appetite. It's not much, but it will have to do.

Where the themes in Halloween were deliciously subtle, the themes in Halloween 2 are paraded around for all to see. This isn't a bad thing, as it may help to spark discussions amongst those who view the film. One theme that is brought up for one short scene implies that maybe Michael represents the unconcious mind, a theme that Rob Zombie would later fully explore (not to great effect if I must be honest) in his re-boot and sequel.

It is likely that the most important thing that Halloween 2 contributed to the Halloween franchise is the story point that Laurie is actually Michael's sister. This helps to give Michael some more motivation. Most Halloween fans have accepted this plot point to be true, and while it may strip away a tiny bit of the mystery of Michael Meyers it still leaves just enough so that Michael remains as terrifying as ever.

While Halloween 2 may be more of a common slasher film, it's still super fun to watch all these years later. I know I'll definitely be re-watching this one for years to come. It may not be as scary or important as the first Halloween was, but this sequel still rocks in all the ways that count. I DARE you not to love it!

4/5 Stars