SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK WANTS TO TELL YOU A STORY

 Better late than never, I suppose.

In Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark, the year is 1968, and the setting is a small town named Mill Valley in Pennsylvania. On Halloween night, a group of friends (Zoe Margaret Colletti as Stella, Michael Garza as Ramon, Austin Zajur as Chuck, Gabriel Rush as Auggie, and Natalie Ganzhorn as Ruthie) break into an old haunted house while trying to escape from some bullies. Once inside, they stumble across a diary by Sarah Bellows, the town urban legend and alleged evil witch. When Stella takes the diary home and begins reading the stories within, her and her friends find themselves becoming the stars of new stories that Sarah has written just for them. As her friends slowly begin to be absorbed within their respective tales (disappearing as a result), Stella and what remains of her gang will have to find a way to end the stories and stop Sarah's wrath.

Surprisingly, this is actually a pretty cool flick. It's set in 1968 on Halloween and the days immediately following said holiday. The characters we follow have minimal development, but the focus here is on the scares, the creatures, and a surprising mystery involving a long-dead supposed witch who is responsible for penning the titular book, as well as a rash of child murders.

Our leads are all likable enough (with my favorite being Austin Zajur as Chuck), the atmosphere is rich at times, the creature designs are super-cool and freaky, and the film manages to be very creepy (My favorite portion was the one with Harold the Scarecrow). It's certainly odd that the flick wasn't released closer to the haunting season, as Scary Stories makes for a perfectly acceptable Halloween-time watch. There's also a last minute message that feels shoe-horned in but is still timely and appreciated.

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark is definitely one of the better PG-13 horror films. It's guaranteed to freak out it's teen demographic and will undoubtedly get them talking (I foresee many late night spooky story sessions inspired by the film). Scary Stories will also likely get kids to grab copies of the titular Scary Stories book series the film was adapted from and inspired by. I know if I saw this when I was a teen, it would have easily become one of my new jams. Yes, that's a recommendation.

3.5 STARS

SMALLS GO FOR A RIDE WITH JOE KEERY IN SPREE

 In Spree, we follow 23 year old Kurt Kunkle (Joe Keery), an attractive and likable young man with dreams of social media stardom. He works as a ride share driver for an Uber/Lyft-esque company called Spree. Kurt seems like a good enough guy, but he hides a darker side. In reality, Kurt is actually a psychopath who has decided to live-stream a murder spree where he kills anyone unlucky enough to step into his ride. He does so in an attempt to acquire more watchers/followers, and we tag along for the ensuing insanity.

Spree is a story told almost completely from the POV of cell phone cameras, as well as some dashboard, mounted, and security cams. It's a harsh commentary on the surface culture world we live in, and it comments on this culture via a new inductee to this style of life (Kurt). Most of the people being axed off are completely unlikable jerks, and it's not hard to root for their imminent demise. 

As stated previously, Joe Keery as Kurt is a very likable and magnetic presence. While he isn't all that different from his victims, he's still far more charming than any of them are (take one scene where he shows his clear hatred and intolerance for racists). Kurt has some depth to his character. He comes from a broken home consisting of a loser, junkie father who moonlights as a DJ (David Arquette) and a "star-fucker" mom. All he wants is to be seen, a common desire for most youth and young adults of today. 

Kurt's negative aspects become clear when it's reveled that he doesn't care about any one but himself, only cares about getting as many watchers as possible, and has clear contempt for anyone who doesn't have a social media presence or isn't interested in that kind of lifestyle (He muses at one point while driving by a homeless camp that he can't understand why they don't care if any one sees them, and that he could drive over all of them and no one would notice.).

As the film progresses Kurt begins to take more and more of an interest in upcoming stand-up comedian Jessie Adams (Sasheer Zamata), who has a strong social media presence and whom he admires. Sasheer is sprinkled throughout the film, but her role gets beefed up during the last act. She is likable enough, and works well as a counter-point to Kurt. It is through her that the filmmakers state their views on and message about surface culture.

Spree is best described as a dark comedy. It's more funny than it is scary. The film definitely drags at odd points, and while it feels fresh enough to watch a story told through the pov of cell phones and live streams, the gimmick does kind of grow stale after a while (though there is a clear reason why the story is told this way, which is revealed in a 13th hour twist that was actually pretty sweet).

Spree stretches believability at moments, but it's a ton of fun while you're watching it. It's a fairly memorable movie, and Joe Keery comfortably carries the weight of the proceedings on his shoulders. The film is funny, scary, dark, disturbing, and surprisingly sad when all is said and done (We can see the good person Kurt could have been.). Spree is a flick that takes a harsh look at the surface obsessed culture we are all living in, and the appeal/allure it has to the people living within it. It's certainly not a great film, but it's definitely quite good, enjoyable, and fun. I'd say Kurt is a good choice for your next ride share driver, just...don't drink the water.

3.5 STARS

FRIGHT FEST COMMENCES WITH THE RAVEN

 Hello, and welcome to FRIGHT FEST. This year, we start things off right by entering the world of Edgar Allan Poe with The Raven.

In The Raven, we catch up with a washed-up, alcohol loving Poe (John Cusack) during the final weeks of his life. He is madly in love with the beautiful Emily Hamilton (Alice Eve), and plans on marrying her  Her father, Capt. Charles Hamilton (Brandon Gleeson) does not approve. Unfortunately for all involved, a gruesome rash of murders have been cropping up in Baltimore, and each seems to be modeled after a famed story by Poe. Inspector Emmet Fields (Luke Evans) and Poe team up in an attempt to catch the culprit. When Emily is kidnapped by the killer, the search to end the madness intensifies as it's only a matter of time until she becomes the next victim. 

An interesting mix of fact and fiction. The real draw is seeing Poe's classic stories brought to grisly life (and the film is quite grotesque at times despite a good deal of CGI being utilized) and getting to spend some time with the master himself. Unfortunately, the story that ties everything together isn't as strong as it should be, and the mystery at the heart of The Raven isn't really engaging or all that good.

Cusack is committed to his role as Poe and is great (though the film does play up his alcoholism a lot...sometimes for laughs, which doesn't sit well with me). Luke Evans is equally great as Inspector Emmet Fields, the determined and driven lead detective on the case. Oliver Jackson-Cohen (who most recently starred in The Haunting of Hill House and The Invisible Man) also pops up in a supporting role as John Cantrell, a cop assisting with the investigation.

The Raven does try to be meta at times, and while the effort is appreciated it never quite works. It is also frivolous and almost disrespectful in how it handles Poe's death (this definitely didn't sit well with me). The Raven is longer than it needs to be at an hour and fifty minutes, and it does drag at times but overall it's still a mostly entertaining, fun, cool little flick.

2.5 STARS

SMALLS' FRIGHT FEST RISES FROM THE GRAVE FOR ANOTHER YEAR

Do you feel that chill in the air? Can you sense the atmosphere changing? The days are growing shorter, the nights longer. That means it's time for your ghost host with the most most to return once again. The Fright Fest re-awakens from it's slumber for another voyage into your deepest, darkest fears. This year, Halloween Horror Nights was cancelled, and COVID19 is busy wrecking havoc on the USA and the world...but that doesn't mean we can't still party like there's no tomorrow from the safety of our homes. Expect plenty of ghoulishly good reviews to be haunting your computer screen soon. Get ready, Fright Fest will commence soon!

SMALLS RETURNS TO THEATERS (DRIVE-IN THEATERS) FOR TENET

 In Tenet, a CIA operative (The Protagonist, played by John David Washington. We never learn his actual name.) finds himself embroiled in a modern cold war that is being waged in the shadows. The evil, abusive, and scary Andrei Sator (Kenneth Branagh), an arms dealer, has been trading and selling special, never-before seen ammo and equipment, and he has some dark plans in store for reality. With the assistance of fellow CIA operative Neil (Robert Pattinson) and Sator's long-suffering wife Kat (Elizabeth Debicki), The Protagonist sets out to stop Sator once and for all.

All of our leads do a superb job and are incredibly well-cast (including Dimple Kapadia as arms trafficker Priya, who interacts with The Protagonist quite a bit.). Tenet is a plot-centric film, which isn't a bad thing, but there is a trade-off to be made: almost all of the characters are given minimal development as a result.

Surprisingly, John David Washington's Protagonist gets the least amount of development out of everyone. Luckily, he still sells the hell out of his role and is a compelling, cool, and bad-ass hero. Robert Pattinson is also very impressive as Neil, a suave, calm, collected and super-cool 2nd man to The Protagonist. Kenneth Branagh is fantastic as the unhinged and scary Andrei Sator, a madman with a plan. Elizabeth Debicki gets the most development out of the bunch as Kat. She is stuck in an abusive, controlling marriage with Sator, who holds her son over her head as motivation to do as he says.

Tenet is a film that, despite being well-paced, might be Nolan's easiest to get lost or confused in if you aren't paying close attention (There were times where I wished I could pause it so I could process the information I had been given. Repeat viewings are practically mandatory, and I can understand why some might say Tenet is convoluted.). Nolan continues to excel as a director and writer (I seriously want to buy the script for this flick.), and he has some insane and inventive ideas at play here. Unfortunately, he could use to work on his sound mixing (done here by Willie D. Burton.), as there are moments where the score and sound effects drown out any dialogue, or sound like they are breaking the speaker system. It's not as bad as Dark Knight Rises, but it's still not great.

The score for Tenet is done by Ludwig Goransson. He does an incredible job. There are times where it sounds like it's going back-and-forth between being played forwards and in reverse. The cinematography by Hoyte Van Hoytema is great too. Tenet has plenty of exciting and thrilling moments throughout, and you will rarely be bored while watching it. The special and visual effects utilized are phenomenal, creative, and unique as well. Time is a major theme and element in the film, and Tenet uses and plays with time in inventive, fun, creative, and trippy ways.

Ultimately, the best way to go into Tenet is knowing next to nothing about it and letting it take you on one wild ride. In the end, Tenet is a masterpiece about time that will simultaneously blow and melt your mind. It's unlike anything you have ever seen, and it's incredibly inventive, creative, and unique. Tenet is the best film of 2020 thus far, and it's easily my favorite Nolan flick by a large margin. Tenet was absolutely worth the wait. See it in IMAX, if you can.

5 STARS

I now consider Nolan a true genius. #YesDaddyNolan

SMALLS JOINS WYLD STALLYNS IN BILL AND TED FACE THE MUSIC

 "Be excellent to each other and party on, dudes!"

In Bill and Ted Face The Music, our most triumphant duo have fallen on some totally bogus times. After the devastating realization that the song they performed at the end of Bogus Journey was not the song that would unite the world, Bill S. Preston Esq. (Alex Winter) and Ted Theodore Logan (Keanu Reeves) have spent the last two decades desperately trying to write and perform the one song that will fix everything.

Now, in 2020, Wyld Stallyns have lost all musical credibility, The Grim Reaper (William Sadler) has been booted from the band due to copyright infringement, Bill and Ted have garnered a reputation for trying way to hard with very little payoff, and the bodacious princesses (Joanna as portrayed by Jayma Mays and Elizabeth as portrayed by Errinn Hayes) are close to divorcing the duo. What's worse, the very fabric of space and time has started to unravel. Bill and Ted are given a deadline in which they must write and perform the one song that will unite the world, or else reality as we know it will cease to be.

At a loss, our excellent duo decide to use the classic phone booth to travel into the future and steal the song from a version of their future selves that have already performed it. Their super cute daughters (Billie as portrayed by Brigette Lundy-Paine and Thea as portrayed by Samara Weaving ) go on their own time traveling adventure through the past in an attempt to create the best band possible for their dads.

Bill and Ted are back, baby! Without a doubt, the main draw of this latest outing is not only to see Reeves and Winter reprise their roles, but also to see how Bill and Ted are as adults. Alex Winter steps seamlessly back into the role, and Keanu Reeves is entertaining, although it feels like he is struggling to get back to the essence of Ted. That said, the Ted we know and love definitely can be felt in some moments. William Sadler also effortlessly returns as The Grim Reaper, and is a joy every second he is on screen. In this outing, The Grim Reaper has been demoted in Hell due to his friendship with Bill and Ted, and he has had a falling out with the duo over a lawsuit and his love of bass. Amy Stoch as Missy (who in this film is recently married to Ted's little bro Deacon, as portrayed by Beck Bennett) and Hal Landon Jr. as Ted's long-suffering dad, make appearances and aren't given much to do, though it is still nice to have them back regardless.

Bridgette Lundy-Paine and Samara Weaving are perfection as the daughters of Bill and Ted. They are a duo in their own right, and both are massively entertaining (especially Lundy-Paine, who definitely feels like a female version of Ted). Kristen Schaal definitely has some funny moments as Kelly, daughter of Rufus. Dazmann Still as Jimmi Hendrix, Jeremiah Craft as Louis Armstrong, and Daniel Dorr as Mozart are the stand-out as far as historical figures go. Kid Cudi also appears as himself and is the subject of a one-note joke that works incredibly well and doesn't get old (He is a highlight of the film).

Bill and Ted Face The Music is, ultimately, highly entertaining but uneven. I would say most of the jokes land, but some still fall flat. Some of the bits involving Bill and Ted meeting their future selves are hilarious, but most don't fully work, and after a while Bill and Ted's various voyages into the future become repetitive and one-note. Surprisingly, it's Billie and Thea's adventures through the past that are the most memorable parts of this film.

Ed Solomon and Chris Matheson, the creators of Bill and Ted, return to script this latest outing and they prove they've still got it. As stated above, most of the humor works and the essence of the Bill and Ted characters still shines through throughout (There are definitely quite a few bits that feel like classic Bill and Ted), but I'd be lying if I said this last outing didn't feel like it was trying too hard at times. Dean Parisot takes over the directing reigns this go-round, and does a more than serviceable job.

In the end, Bill and Ted Face The Music is not as bogus as it could been, but it's also not as excellent as it should have been. The film likely won't appeal to anyone who isn't already a fan of Wyld Stallyns (though I imagine Thea and Billie might be able to bring in a new generation of fans, and could garner their own following as well. Honestly, I'd be ok with some spin-off films featuring these two alone.), but for long-time fans, this will likely do the trick. Bill and Ted Face The Music is uneven (with a very abrupt and sudden end), but highly entertaining and consistently funny. It makes for a good pick-me-up during these troubled times. It may not be excellent, but will likely leave you feeling most excellent regardless. STATION!

3 STARS

SMALLS TRIES NEW COKE

This review was originally written way back on Aug 14, 2019.

So, I finally got to try New Coke, the infamous discontinued soft drink from the 80s. It's really not bad...at all. I'd say Classic Coke is better, though. That said, New Coke is still pretty good. It's got a lighter flavor to it, but still tastes sweet. Best way I can describe the flavor is imagine something between Diet Coke (minus Aspartame) and Pepsi, and that still doesn't perfectly capture it. It's certainly different and odd, just not in a bad way.