SMALLS' FRIGHT FEST: GUS VAN SANT'S PSYCHO

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SMALLS' FRIGHT FEST: MONKEY'S MAGIC MERRY GO ROUND

 In this very special episode of Monkey’s Magic Merry Go Round, someone has stolen James’ memories!! Help him solve the case along with his pals Marty the Mailbox, King Roary the Lion, Foxy, Beaver, Octopus, Bird, and Weasel.

Michael Gilio plays children’s tv show host James, who at first glance appears like a typical, normal Mr. Roger’s stand-in. Unfortunately, he suffers from severe memory loss. As James attempts to remember, the children’s show he hosts slowly devolves into a surreal nightmare. Who is responsible for James’ lost memories? Will he ever be able to remember?

Michael Gilio is perfect as our lead. He nails both the children’s tv show host and the more unhinged parts of his personality very well. He’s equal parts hospitable and friendly, and freaky and unnerving. Franky Cesario as Monkey, on the other hand, is uncomfortable from the get go, made even more so with his unnatural human-like hands and high-pitched, wild voice. Is it James or Monkey who is the antagonist? You’ll have to watch to find out.

For the first act, this film excels at mimicking a children’s tv show. However, the longer it goes on the more it descends into something else entirely. James consistently breaks the 4th wall throughout, even well after the show has morphed into a dark, bloody acid-trip. There isn’t much story here, you could argue the children’s show aesthetics don’t last as long as they maybe should, and the film definitely loses its footing at times, but this is still a highly entertaining pitch-dark horror-comedy that should please anyone who grew up watching Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, Blues Clues, Sesame Street, or other shows like those.

4  STARS

SMALLS' FRIGHT FEST: SCARY MOVIE (2026)

 This time, no one is safe.

The Wayans Bros return to the Scary Movie franchise after 25 years. They don’t direct (that responsibility falls to Michael Tiddes), but they do pen the screenplay. Having missed 25 years of horror, you can feel their eagerness to play catch-up. They mostly spoof newer horror films and mainstream movies, but also include films they missed in-between (like Final Destination 3, for example).

The cast from the OG Scary Movie return, some in lead roles, some as supporting characters, and some as cameos. A new, younger cast of characters appear as well. Hell, even big names like Teyana Taylor make brief appearances. Everyone understands the film they are in, and seem to enjoy getting to relax, unwind, and not take things too seriously. The stand-outs are Anna Farris, Regina Hall, Marlon Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Dave Sheridan, Cameron Scott Roberts, and Teyana Taylor.

This sixth outing brings the franchise back to its R rated roots. It’s very stupid, very meta, and very hilarious. It definitely feels more in line with Scary Movie 1 and 2. Scary Movie 6 takes the usual throw everything at the wall and see what sticks approach. A good deal of the jokes fall flat, but a lot hit their mark. Admittedly, it does drag at points but there is always a good joke or several waiting just around the corner.

No one comes to a Scary Movie for character development or plot. They come to laugh and enjoy themselves. Scary Movie looks to entertain, and easily accomplishes its simple goal. If all you want is to laugh your behind off, Scary Movie 6 is a guaranteed good time.

3 STARS

SMALLS' FRIGHT FEST: EXIT 8

 In Exit 8, a meek and scared young man with asthma finds himself trapped in a liminal looping hallway that never ends. He’ll have to follow the rules and pay attention for any anomalies if he’s going to find a way out and back to his pregnant ex girlfriend. He’s not sure if he’s ready to be a father, but he’ll have plenty of time for contemplation while trapped in the hallway from Hell.

Thin on plot, but with plenty of good messages about people trapped in their own personal loops, sleepwalking through life, and the importance of waking up, deciding to take action, and finding ways to break yourself out of your own loop. Our lead gets a pretty decent arc and is competently portrayed by Kazunari Ninomiya. His little companion who pops up around half-way through the film, played by Naru Asanuma, is quite good as well. Both are likable and easy to root for.

The cinematography by Keisuke Imamura and editing by Sakura Seya don’t break any new grounds but are very competent, cool, and impressive. The production design by Kenta Tsutsumi is sparse but effective, perfectly replicating the look of the game. Genki Kawamura directs and co-writes the screenplay with Kentaro Hirase. The direction is confident and handled well.

The screenplay is fine, never really standing out or impressing. It gets the job done. Yamato Kochi as Walking Man and Kotone Hanase as High School Girl make for unsettling and effective supporting roles. The film isn’t really scary, but is consistently tense and freaky throughout. 

Exit 8 faithfully adapts not just the look, but also the experience of playing the video game it’s based on. It’s a simple but effective flick. Exit 8 doesn’t overstay its welcome and adds just enough filmic spice (character development, character arcs, messages) to make this one liminal space worth getting trapped in. It’s certainly one of the better and more impressive PG-13 horror films out there.

3.5 STARS

SMALLS' FRIGHT FEST: FACES OF DEATH

 A film that wants to say something important about desensitization, the ethics of content moderation companies, and the “attention economy” of today. Unfortunately, it doesn’t find very much to say at all and the societal commentary aspect (which is just about the only thing this film has going for it) is mostly forgotten about by the third act. The killer, played by Dacre Montgomery, is very silly and has little motivation except that he wants to be famous. Montgomery is a great actor, but he is awful here as he mugs for the camera, does odd body movements, and screams into the camera for most of the run time.

Barbie Ferreria as our lead is definitely trying, but this flick doesn’t do her much favors. At least she’s better than Dacre. The editing by Taylor Levy and cinematography by Isaac Bauman are competent, shining most during a home invasion late into the film. Throughout the run time characters act in unrealistic ways and make really dumb decisions to further the plot. Much of it stretches believability, and the third act devolves into complete silliness.

Faces of Death isn’t terrible, but it also isn’t terribly good either. It’s entertaining enough for an average horror film, but isn’t as memorable, cool, effective, or timely as it should be. How disappointing.

2.5 STARS

SMALLS FRIGHT FEST: EYES OF LAURA MARS

"Death is a sacred thing."

Fashion photographer Laura Mars is famous for her faux tableaus of violence and murder. She aims to force people to confront violence of all kinds. When she unexpectedly develops the ability to voyeuristically watch murders through the eyes of a killer, it will be she who is forced to confront violence and death. 

Many view Eyes of Laura Mars as an American Giallo film, and they aren't wrong. This film has a surprisingly stacked cast including Raúl Juliá, Faye Dunaway, Tommy Lee Jones, Brad Dourif, and René Auberjonois (the film’s secret MVP). It’s also got one of the best uses of the POV shot in film. Between this and Halloween, 1978 was a damn good year for the POV shot. 

The Eyes of Laura Mars has more on its mind than just death. It’s a film about violence, voyeurism, and the spectator’s role in art. It isn’t afraid to interrogate its subject matter and it forces the audience to confront its part in viewing horror films. It’s definitely a different kind of horror flick. Think of it as horror by way of high art. 

The killer’s reveal is a bit last-minute, feels rushed, and doesn’t fully satisfy. That said, everything that comes before is of quality. The cinematography by Victor J. Kemper (Dog Day Afternoon, Xanadu, Slap Shot, The Jerk, Beethoven, National Lampoon’s Vacation, Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, Clue, Cohen and Tate, Tommy Boy, Jingle All the Way) is impressive at moments. 

The editing is handled by Michael Kahn (Close Encounters of the Third Kind, 1941, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Poltergeist, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, The Goonies, The Color Purple, Fatal Attraction, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Arachnophobia, Hook, Jurassic Park, Schindler’s List, Casper, Twister, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Saving Private Ryan, A.I. Artificial Intelligence, The Terminal, The BFG, The Post, Bridge of Spies, Minority Report, Catch Me if You Can, War of the Worlds 2005, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Munich, Ready Player One, The Adventures of Tintin, War Horse, Lincoln, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, West Side Story 2021, The Fabelmans) and he does a great job. 

The screenplay by John Carpenter and David Zelag Goodman (Straw Dogs, Logan’s Run) is strong. The same goes for the directing by Empire Strikes Back’s Irvin Kershner (He also directed Robocop 2). The Eyes of Laura Mars is an under-appreciated horror movie that is absolutely worth a watch or several. Don’t look away.

SMALLS FRIGHT FEST: ONSLAUGHT

 In Onslaught, when a small super-soldier unit escapes from their secret military base, a divorced ex-military vet will have to protect her trailer park home and her young daughter from the unstoppable squad as they lay siege to the area. 

A step back in the right direction for Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett. There is indeed an onslaught in Onslaught, but the violence and action aren’t quite to the degree most are likely expecting. While the extended trailer park scene is quite good, the best action scene is the first one at the military base. 

Dan Stevens is entertaining and weird as Dr. Kammler, a Nazi scientist and head of the super soldier program. Michael Biehn is a welcome presence as one of the higher-ups at the company funding Kammler’s research. Unfortunately, both get minimal screen time. 

Adria Arjuna is likable as Celeste, our first lead. She is an army vet with some serious PTSD and the on-site manager of the trailer park. 

Eric Wareheim is entertaining as Kovacks, a pathetic loser cop and resident of the trailer park. Reginald VelJohnson (of Die Hard and Family Matters fame) is great as Josiah, a Vietnam vet who lives at the trailer park and is the only friend Celeste has. Drew Starkey plays Cyrus (my favorite character), an assassin sent to contain the situation. Cyrus has a lot of potential as he spends the majority of the film tripping on pure MDMA. Unfortunately, he is given very little to do. 

The screenplay by Simon Barrett isn’t the strongest. The story here is very simple, unfortunately to the film’s detriment. There are also sub-plots, reveals, and themes that go nowhere. While our cast is quirky and weird, you never feel fully invested in any of their fates. Celeste in particular hits upon the truth of the situation way too quickly. Her intuition is insanely good.

Our three man super-soldier unit is very cool, intimidating, and scary (I love how their eyes glow). They are memorable and are given brief, but interesting backstories. There aren’t many people living at the trailer park, so the “onslaught” isn’t quite as crazy as you hope it would be and the final fight between Celeste and the leader of the unit is over too quickly.

While Onslaught never quite settles into a comfortable rhythm (the film moves in starts and stops), the editing by Adam Avery and Josh Schaeffer and cinematography by Oren Soffer are very impressive and cool. The score by Matthew Pusti is deliciously synth-y and absolutely worth a purchase. 

Perhaps the most interesting thing about Onslaught is that it’s set in the world of The Guest. The super-soldier program is the next evolution of the same program that made David into the monster he is, KPG is never named in the film proper but has been heavily hinted at by director Adam Wingard to be the company at the heart of the film’s super-soldier program, and the town Onslaught is set in is Moriarty (the same town from The Guest). Moriarty doesn’t feel or look the same here, but that might be because there are minimal locations utilized and it seems the the trailer park is on the outskirts of the town. 

Onslaught is clearly heavily inspired by the films of John Carpenter, specifically his grindhouse fare like Assault on Precinct 13 and Escape from New York (I’d say this is more Escape from New York than Assault on Precinct 13, but maybe that’s just me). Onslaught is a weird grindhouse-action-horror-comedy-B Movie (with the emphasis on weird). There are a lot of plates it’s attempting to juggle, but it never does an impressive job at any of them. The plates do fall, but they don’t break. Onslaught has lofty aspirations it fails to reach. Luckily, even though it isn’t a super memorable movie, it’s still a ton of fun while it’s on.

3 STARS