Saturday, October 5, 2019

FRIGHT FEST: JOKER CONJURES UP SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL

The director of The Hangover Trilogy, Old School, Road Trip, War Dogs, Starsky and Hutch, School For Scoundrels,  and Due Date brings us....Joker. In all seriousness though, this film is nothing to laugh at.

In Joker, we follow Arthur Fleck (Joaquin Phoenix), a down-trodden, unlucky, and mentally unstable clown-for-hire in the gritty and crime-filled city of Gotham in the late 70s/ early 80's. After Arthur loses his job and is assaulted by a group of young, well-to-do businessmen on the subway, it all proves too much for him. His violent, reactive act of self-defense ignites a series of riots and a class war against the rich. Arthur delves deeper into his own dark history, unraveling hidden truths as his mind continues to slowly unravel, all the while he continues to slowly grow into an icon for the downtrodden in Gotham.

Todd Phillips, up until now, has only dabbled in comedies with mostly middling results, the exceptions being Old School and The Hangover. Watching Joker, it's easy to forget that his claim to fame was making people laugh.  He directs the hell out of Joker, and co-wrote the screenplay with Scott Silver (who previously penned 8 Mile, The Fighter, and The Finest Hours). The script sizzles with an electric, biting energy. The cinematography (by Lawrence Sher) is great. The film looks appropriately ugly, gritty, and beautiful. The score (by Hildur Guonadottir) is subtle and haunting. The real gems behind the scenes though remain Phillips and Silver, who made a film that not only will stick with you long after the credits roll, but amazingly, also has something to say.

 Joker is an angry, barbaric yawp (a yawp is a hoarse cry or scream). It's angry at society, how people treat each other, the attitudes of the rich, and the state of the mental health system, among other things. There isn't really any commentary, though. The film just points at all these terrible things and then makes the case for how people's actions/inactions lead directly to Arthur's ultimate devastating/freeing transformation. Aren't those who looked the other way, ignored him, or didn't take his cries for help seriously just as complicit /guilty as those who actively beat the crud out of him? Maybe we all have a role to play in the creation of everyday villains.

The main draw of the film is getting to see a well-known actor put his own spin on the Clown Prince of Crime. Joaquin Phoenix is phenomenal as Arthur Fleck. He starts out as a seriously depressed man who is deeply troubled and hurt by what he sees every day and the current state of his city. He feels helpless, ignored, and invisible...like his life has no meaning or purpose (He even writes in his joke journal "I hope my death makes more cents than my life".). It doesn't help that he is continually shit on by his co-workers, his boss, his psychiatrist, random delinquents, and even his elderly mother. He dreams of being a big-time comedian just like his idol, late night tv host Murray Franklin (Robert De Niro). Unfortunately, he's just not that good at it. Adding insult to injury is his constant, uncontrolled laughter caused by a mental condition, called Pseudobulbar Affect (naturally, it doesn't make him much of a popular guy, earning disturbed looks by the people around him. Indeed, the backstory of his laughter is one of the more interesting aspects of the film). Phoenix's laughter is equal parts funny, sad, disturbing and unforgettable.

Arthur is a surprisingly sympathetic, likable (to a point), and sad character that we feel for and even root for. It hurts to watch bad event after bad event be inflicted upon him. It's not hard at all to understand why he snaps and chooses to go down his infamous path (though of course we disagree with his choice, and want to see him do some good instead. Arthur inevitably adopts the viewpoint of "It's all fucked, so burn it down".). Joker (The movie) is the opposite of The Killing Joke, it's not one bad day that transforms Arthur into Joker (although Killing Joke is referenced in one blink-and-you'll-miss-it-line), it's a life that has been nothing but a never-ending series of bad days that proves to be Arthur's undoing. Joaquin Phoenix pulls off something incredible here. Just when you thought Ledger was the ultimate version of Joker, another contender steps into the ring. Phoenix's Joker is almost like a more grounded, sad, pathetic but still scary, frightening and disturbing version of Sid Caesar's Joker from the original Batman tv series. Phoenix makes the role his own (and is an impressive dancer, his dance scenes are unforgettable, some of them near the end are even infectious), and his performance is easily on par with Ledger's. He imbues his Joker with a pathos that makes him scarily relate-able. It would be great to see Phoenix return as The Joker in a future Batman film. The man deserves AT LEAST an Oscar nomination for Best Actor (Just like Phillips deserves AT LEAST a Best Director nomination, and the screenplay a best screenplay nomination).

Joker also has a fine supporting cast: Frances Conroy (of American Horror Story fame) is Penny Fleck aka Arthur's mom, Robert De Niro is Murray Franklin, Zazie Beetz (previously seen as Domino in Deadpool 2) plays Sophie Dumond; a young mom who lives down the hall from Arthur; and Brett Cullen is Thomas Wayne (aka Bruce Wayne's dad). While Joker really is a one-man show, the best of the supporting cast are De Niro, Beets, and Cullen. Cullen's Thomas Wayne is not the altruistic bastion of hope for Gotham we have been told he is. Instead, he is a typical rich douche who has little sympathy for those not privileged like he is. De Niro's Murray Franklin is a popular talk-show host turned bully who uses his platform to humiliate, degrade and belittle Arthur/Joker (The talk-show scene near the end between Joker and Murray is easily one of the best scenes in the whole film, and harbors shades of a similar talk-show scene in The Dark Knight Returns). De Niro fits his role perfectly.  He is believable as a late night talk show host, and is clearly having fun with his small part. Beetz has little screen-time but makes it work. Her character seems to be the only character who is sympathetic towards Arthur and his plight.

Let's quickly discuss the backlash against the film. It seems some are worried about Joker potentially inspiring mass shootings and violence. After watching the film, that wouldn't appear to be the case. Joker is a film with little action, and some violence here and there (It's more of a pure character study than anything else. If you walked in expecting lots of violence and action, you're going to be disappointed). It's all grounded and feels real, but the film never seems to condone these awful acts. It does appear to revel in the riots and protests, while still acknowledging how devastating and sad they are. More likely than not, those who are lashing out against Joker with these complaints haven't seen the film yet and are going just by what they have seen in the trailers. In short, there is very little to fear.

Joker is a very adult, very gritty, very sad/depressing, and very dark portrait of a man on the edge of sanity. It's complex, thrilling, and is sure to remind most of Taxi Driver and King of Comedy. It's remarkable for never drawing attention to it's late 70s/early 80s setting, but definitely feels like a film made in that era and set in that era. It's also surprisingly funny at times. This is a comic book movie that doesn't feel like a comic book movie (one might even go so far as to say it's NOT a comic book movie). While it's still to early to declare Joker the best movie of the year, it's certainly going to make it onto the list of best films. Joker is a dark tale that is tragic/comic, with plenty of pathos thrown in. With a phenomenal performance from Joaquin Phoenix, a top-notch directing job by Todd Phillips, a fantastic script, and plenty of things to chew on after the credits roll...Joker is undoubtedly a must-see. It also helps that it is definitely a film about and for our age. It deserves all the praise it gets, and it is indeed A MASTERPIECE!

5 STARS

Friday, September 27, 2019

FRIGHT FEST: IT'S THIEVES VS. PSYCHOS IN VILLAINS

In Villains, we follow fiercely incompetent thieves/lovers Mickey (Bill Skarsgard) and Jules (Maika Monroe) as they rob various gas stations in an effort to amount enough cash to run to Florida so they can open their own shell shop. Unfortunately, shortly after their last heist their car runs out of gas, leaving them both stranded near a nice house. Hoping to steal the owner's (George, played by Jeffrey Donovan and Gloria, played by Kyra Sedgewick)  car, they break into the house only to find a young girl (Sweetiepie, played by Blake Baumgartner) chained in the basement. Mickey wants to get out of dodge fast, sensing trouble, but reluctantly goes along with Jules' wishes to free the girl. Not a wise choice, as they both find themselves roped into George and Gloria's sick games.

Villains is a fun, goofy, dark horror-comedy. The main reason it works as well as it does is due to it's superb cast, each of whom is working hard to elevate the material they are given. Skarsgard and Monroe easily sell their roles as a love-struck couple who are clearly in over their heads. They have great chemistry together (The "Car Wash" thing they do may be my new personal thing), and both prove to be competent at odd moments despite themselves. Donovan and Sedgwick are great as a husband/wife who's love for each other, as well as their backstories, are appropriately twisted and warped. They are all clearly having fun here, especially Skarsgard, who gets to play against type as the "hero" of the film. He is the stand-out as a goofy/dorky well-meaning dummy. He steals every scene he appears in, and it's hard to take your eyes off him whenever he's on screen. It's nice to see Skargard play a normal dude for a change, in a role where he doesn't have to wear copious amounts of make-up. It's not his best role....but he is still immensely entertaining and enjoyable, and puts on a strong, comedic performance.

Villains is a small-scale film that is set in one, singular, contained location. It starts with a good deal of potential, but once Jules and Mickey are captured it all starts to become a little stale/dull but still enjoyable (Some things don't fully add up/make sense as well once you sit down to think about it). There is a clear sense that the roles/material are beneath all the actors involved, and the ending doesn't feel completely earned (They try to add in some gravitas during the final scenes, and it feels odd and out-of-place. It doesn't gel with the rest of the movie). The film has a tough time balancing the humorous tone with it's darker/more serious elements, making the whole thing feel more than a little uneven.  It's directed and written by Dan Berk and Robert Olsen, who don't appear to have much experience under their belts. The script is fun and fine, but I'd say directing wise it may have been best to have roped in someone else.

In the end, I can't say Villains is a film that needs to be seen on the big screen (unless you are a huge fan of any of the actors involved). Despite the talent involved, it is likely better suited at home on your TV. Villains is certainly a lot of fun, but isn't quite as memorable or good as one would have hoped. That said, it's still worth a watch for the performances alone, just wait until it's released to Blu-ray.

3 STARS

Monday, September 23, 2019

FRIGHT FEST: LET'S PARTY WITH MA

In Ma, we follow Maggie (Diana Silvers) as she moves to a small middle-of-nowhere town. It isn't long before she has a new group of friends: Andy (Corey Fogelmanis), Haley (McKaley Miller), Chaz (Gianni Paolo), and Darrell (Dante Brown). While looking for booze and a place to party, they stumble across Sue Ann aka Ma (Octavia Spencer), who agrees to buy them the liquor they desire and even offers her cozy basement as a potential party space. Before you know it, Ma's basement has become the new cool place to party and hang out. Unfortunately, Ma has more than a few screws loose and hides a dark secret that she just can't seem to let go of. When Maggie and friends ultimately dismiss and embarrass Ma, they will have to suffer her wrath.

Ma isn't a terribly complex film, but it is fun for a good deal of its run time.  Ma, Maggie, and Maggie's friends are all likable and sympathetic (Though Maggie and crew do succumb to the dreaded curse of being stupid teens). The dialogue is also a good deal snappy too. For the first two acts play as a horror-comedy (with very little tension building or suspense. By her 2nd scene, Ma is already stalking the group on Facebook), while the 3rd act is just horror....though it isn't all that scary or bloody (I will say it is disturbing though). Although it appears to be a horror-comedy mostly, in reality Ma is actually more of a revenge film, and this is every bit as much Ma's story as it is Maggie's. There are numerous (unneeded and annoying) flashbacks that shed light on Ma's dark secret, and the film works hard at making Ma a sympathetic and sad character....it almost works.

Octavia Spencer is clearly having a lot of fun as Ma, making the character hilarious, unsettling, disturbing, creepy, and sad. She is always fun to watch on screen, but when Ma ultimately snaps, Spencer can't quite sell it. The film also has some notable adult supporting actors: Luke Evans, Missi Pyle, Juliette Lewis, and Dominic Burgess. They are all great, and most of them share a history with Ma. Their past sins might be passed down to their somewhat innocent kids.

Ma is certainly not a great film, but it is a lot of fun. The third act is kind of a mess, and there is no resolution at the end, which is sure to leave moviegoers with a deeply uncomfortable feeling (Maybe that's the point though). Ma ain't one of the best horror films of 2019, but it just might make the runners-up list. It's better than it really should be.

3.5 STARS

SID HAIG IS GONE

2019 has taken  one of the great modern horror icons from us, Sid Haig. Haig appeared in films like Point Blank, Spider Baby, THX 1138, Diamonds Are Forever, Coffy, Jackie Brown, Rob Zombie's Halloween, Creature, Kill Bill Vol 2,  The Lords of Salem, Night of The Living Dead 3D, Hatchet 3, and Bone Tomahawk (just to list a few). He is best known for his role as demented and awesome clown Captain Spaulding in House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, and 3 From Hell. It was a role that undoubtedly revitalized his career, and brought him back full force into the limelight and into horror fans hearts.

Haigs health had deteriorated greatly in recent years (to the point where Zombie had to essentially write him out of 3 From Hell, replacing him with Richard Brake's Midnight Wolf Man). Around Sept. 7 2019, Haig had a nasty fall in his LA home. He was rushed to the ICU. Despite some signs of recovery, he unfortunately did not win the battle. Haig was pronounced dead on Sept 21. He was 80.

Sid Haig leaves behind an impressively long list of credits, and has earned a lasting and well-deserved place in horror film history. He will absolutely be missed. Long live Sid Haig! Long live Captain Spaulding!

Monday, September 16, 2019

FRIGHT FEST: LET'S PARTY WITH 3 FROM HELL

Rob Zombie may not be the best filmmaker, but he sure has an interesting style and voice. He made his directorial debut in 2003 with House of 1000 Corpses, following it up with The Devil's Rejects in 2005. Both films focused on the crazed firefly clan, a messed-up family who love Halloween and killing folks. They are arguably Zombie's best works.With 3 From Hell, the saga of the Firefly clan continues and Rob Zombie's holy trinity is complete.

3 From Hell picks up directly after the events of The Devil's Rejects, with Baby (Sheri Moon Zombie), Otis (Bill Moseley), and Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig) going down in a hail of bullets. Each receive 20 bullets, and are in critical condition but eventually survive. They are put on trial for the murders they have committed, and are each are placed on death row for a good 5 plus years (The remainder takes place sometime in the 80s, as can be seen by a framed portrait of President Reagan). . Spaulding gets a lethal injection (off-screen) within the first 20 minutes of the film, making his grand total of scenes a disappointing 1. Otis' half-brother, Winslow Foxworth Coltrane (Richard Brake) comes to the remaining 2's rescue, breaking them out of prison. Together, the 3 hi-tail it to Mexico to party and kill once more.

Richard Brake is a Zombie alum, appearing in Halloween 2 and starring in 31. He does a fine job here, but as a stand-in/replacement for Spaulding, he doesn't quite fit the bill or make a welcome addition to the Firefly clan (Though I do like that he is an avid classic film buff). 3 From Hell even makes quite a few jokes about how he doesn't fit in...at least the film acknowledges the issue. Sheri Moon Zombie returns as the crazed Baby, who has lost quite a few more screws during her incarceration. Moon looks significantly older, and acts way more loopy (her crazy is cranked up to 120 here). She manages to sell the hell out of her role, to the point where it seems like she isn't even acting any more. She gets some of the best scenes in the film when she dons a Native American headdress, grabs a bow-and-arrow and goes to town.

House of 1000 Corpses belonged to Captain Spaulding, The Devil's Rejects was Sheriff Wydell's (William Forsythe), and in 3 From Hell Bill Moseley as Otis easily runs away with the entire film. Like in the two previous films, he plays an insane psycho who's monologues unfortunately hold nuggets of depraved wisdom. Moseley is downright magnetic here, it's impossible to tear your eyes away from him when he's on the screen. Pancho Moler (previously seen as Sick-Head in 31) also makes an appearance in a supporting role. Here he plays an unfortunate little-person who is love-sick for Baby, and winds up becoming an unofficial member of the 3 From Hell. He is fantastic and awesome in the film (as always).  It's easy to acknowledge that our three protagonists (Baby, Otis and Winslow) are sick, evil people but somehow we find ourselves laughing along with them and rooting for them nonetheless. 

As far as style goes, there isn't as much trippy, surreal imagery as there was in House of 1000 Corpses (except for one nice scene that takes place during a Dia De Los Muertos festival), making this latest outing look more akin to the desolate, western vibe that The Devil's Rejects had going for it. It's not all bad news though, as the tone is definitely more similar to that of House of 1000 Corpses as we spend more time with the 3 as an odd family unit. The film is actually pretty funny a good deal of the time, and we get to see how each person cares about the others despite some good-natured ribbing here and there. It's just nice to spend some time with the remaining members of the Firefly clan.

3 From Hell certainly has it's ups-and-downs, despite being a mostly well-made film. The first 15 or so  minutes are shot documentary style, the film definitely drags at points (It's close to 2 hours long), there is never much tension (you never feel like the 3 are in any real danger), and the script shines at times but is mostly just your usual Rob Zombie script. Luckily, the actors share the same chemistry they had 14 years ago, the characters are pretty much the same as we remember them being, the whole event is pretty damned guilty fun (including a scene set to In A Gadda Da Vida), there are some impressive shots, and the third act is just tops.

Zombie certainly doesn't have the most impressive film catalog, most of his features being either bad or just ok, so it's natural to walk into 3 From Hell a bit cautious. Thankfully, this is easily Zombie's best film in a long, long time (Let's just hope Zombie leaves the Firefly clan alone now, though one can't help but feel he will inevitably continue to make future films featuring these characters). If you are able to leave your morality at the door and just lose yourself in the mindless fun and madness, or if you already have a love for these characters/this franchise then it's quite possible you will end up thoroughly enjoying this crazy trip to hell and back. It's one wild ride I would happily recommend to the sick and depraved.

4 Stars

Out of 10 stars, the film gets 7.5, which rounded up gets us to around 8. I wouldn't say it's a strong 4 star film, but 4 stars it is nonetheless.


Friday, September 13, 2019

FRIGHT FEST: SMALLS ADOPTS ESTHER WITH ORPHAN

In Orphan, Kate Coleman (Vera Farmiga) and her family; husband John (Peter Sarsgaard), deaf daughter Max (Aryana Engineer), and son Daniel (Jimmy Bennett) are all recovering from a recent miscarriage Kate had. In an effort to heal, Kate and John decide to give the love they had prepared for their stillborn child to an orphan (a truly kind and altruistic gesture)...unfortunately, they adopt the child from Hell. Her name is Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman), and while things at first seem normal it doesn't take too long before she is doing everything she can to destroy her adoptive family. It's all in service of one disturbing goal.

Orphan takes its time. slowly ratcheting up the tension until it's almost too much to bear. You better believe I was screaming at the screen a good deal of the time (in a good way). Jimmy Bennett and Aryana Engineer mostly do what is required of them, with Jimmy being the clear stand-out between the two (Aryana mostly just looks vaguely worried or concerned, and concerned and cries a lot. Jimmy plays a little jerk well, and manages to make his character likable as the film progresses and he learns more). Both aren't given much to do. They figure out fairly quickly that Esther is a little psychopath, but are threatened with grievous bodily harm by Esther if they try to blow the whistle on her. It's not until the end that they wise up and decide they need to sound the alarm, but they are still no match for Esther and her wiles.

Peter Sarsgaard is fine as the dumb-ass dad who is blissfully ignorant to the immediate danger Esther poses to him and his family, continually ignoring every warning sign and "accident". He is aided in his denial by a disgrace of a psychologist played by Margo Martindale, who is easily duped by Esther. The little girl tells you everything you want to hear, and even sows seeds that will later work to further tear the family apart and none of your suspicions are even slightly raised. Where the hell did you get your degree from?! You should be barred from practice! A terrible psychologist indeed. There's also the case of Rosemary Dunsmore as Kate's mother who serves absolutely no purpose at all, appearing in around three scenes (serving as exposition in one). Makes me wonder, why even include her at all?

The stand-outs in the film are Vera Farmiga as the constantly gaslit Kate. She is still not in the healthiest mental state as she has a history of alcoholism and is still struggling to overcome the trauma that came with her miscarriage. Easy pickings for Esther to manipulate and toy with, luckily Kate is much tougher than she appears as when it becomes clear her family is in danger she immediately takes action as any mama bear worth her salt would do. Farmiga sells all of her scenes, though her best acting comes during the third act where she is required to display a good variety of emotions (rage, fear, grief, hysteria).  As for Esther, Isabelle Fuhrman turns her character into a horror movie icon (Seriously, why didn't she go on to bigger and better things. Orphan shows she definitely has the chops.). One that is equal parts disturbing, unhinged, and memorable. She speaks with an accent (In real life she has an American accent) that is distracting for a good while until you become accustomed to it. She's supposed to be Russian, but the accent sounds more vaguely Swedish than Russian. Fuhrman is absolutely magnetic. It's impossible to tear your eyes away from her whenever she's on screen (Her freak-out scenes are the best). It's genuinely disturbing to watch Esther slowly ratchet up her mind games and sick, twisted torture/kills. By the end, you will be rooting for that little (excuse my language) cunt to die a horrible, slow, painful death. Esther also has a dark little secret that elevates the film and material a good deal. Make no mistake, this film belongs to Fuhrman and Esther.

Orphan is directed by Jaume Collet-Serra. Just how great this film is is likely a fluke judging by his career (The guy has directed mostly middling to bad films like House of Wax, Unknown, Run All Night, The Commuter, The Shallows, and Non-Stop). That said, he does a well-enough job despite some annoying creeping camera shots that mostly serve as fake-outs. David Leslie Johnson penns the script, and it's fairly good stuff (his credits include Wrath of The Titans, The Conjuring 2, and Aquaman). Jeff Cutter is in charge of cinematography, and it's not all that special. The film is constantly, grey, drab, and gloomy. It fits for the genre the film is working in (the horror genre), but none of the shots are memorable or pretty (I will say I do like the blacklight scene in Esther's room near the end....not sure I would give him credit for that though).

I'm just going to come out and say it: Orphan is likely the best "evil kid" film I've seen. The acting from our two main leads is stellar, the film moves at a pretty good clip (It runs at a little over two hours, but didn't feel that long) and continually ratchets up the tension and depravity as it progresses onwards to its final showdown, it's easy to care about the family,  not to mention Esther's shocking secret  will definitely stick with you long after the credits roll  and easily elevates what could have been just another typical "evil kid" film(and no, I'm not going to spoil it. I don't care if it has been a good ten years since the film was released) . While it would definitely be a horrifically terrible choice to adopt Esther in real life, the decision to adopt Orphan into your horror blu-ray collection would be a decidedly smart one.

4.5 Stars

SMALLS' FRIGHT FEST: LET'S CELEBRATE FRIDAY THE 13TH WITH THE FRIDAY THE 13TH FRANCHISE

Hello, and welcome to another installment of my Fright Fest. HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH Y'ALL!!! You didn't really think I would forget the "holiday" would you? If you are a Jason fan, then this post is for you! Today, we take a machete to the Friday the 13th films!

Friday the 13th- Not a great film, but great fun nonetheless. A good deal of the film is just the councilors goofing off at the camp (I had fun watching them have fun), but the last 20 minutes are where it kicks into high gear. I'd say Betsy Palmer as Mrs. Voorhees is one of the great psychos of film, and Adrienne King as Alice is easily one of the more memorable final girls. Yeah, Friday the 13th isn't the most well made film, the acting isn't the best and the script isn't the greatest (Though I do like how we only get snippets of the backstory until the big reveal at the end). The fights near the end are pretty well choreographed and fun as well. I ended up liking Friday the 13th way more than I thought I would, it's a ton of fun and easily earns it's classic status. 3 STARS

Friday the 13th Part 2- This sequel continues the mythos of the first film, The setting is a cool one (another summer camp located right next door to the now abandoned Camp Crystal Lake), more of the characters are likable and memorable (lookin at you Mark!), it's the first appearance of Jason (Totally digging his bag-head look here), and we also get to see Jason's shack! The big finale with great final girl Ginny (Amy Steel) is actually much better than the previous climax from the first film. Complete with a recap of the first film via a nifty campfire ghost story, this is one sequel that is just as good if not better than the first. 3 STARS

Friday the 13th Part 3- Jason (Here played by Richard Brooker) gets his mask. The iconic version of Jason gets his very first kill here, and a good amount of the deaths are pretty good. I also thought Dana Kimmell was mighty pretty as final girl Chris. Unfortunately, this version tries to do a few too many "clever" twists on things found in the first film, we have an annoying subplot involving a mean motorcycle gang, and it's all in 3D (Meaning many cheap 3-D effects). This is certainly one of the weaker installments of the franchise, but it's not without its hokey charms plus it's worth a watch just to see the birth of a horror icon.  2.5 STARS

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter- Ok, this is definitely the best Friday The 13th film.  Crispin Glover (In one of his more normal roles) as Jimmy  and Corey Feldman as Tommy Jarvis (A classic horror character) are memorable, and our characters are pretty likable (except for Teddy). This installment also has the best and most brutal kills, Jason (Ted White) is a bad-ass, and the big finale doesn't disappoint at all. It's still a silly and fun film for the most part, but when it kicks ass it kicks ass! 3.5 STARS

Friday the 13th Part 5: A New Beginning- Bad. Really bad. Tommy is reduced to a crazy person, the kills are fairly weak, this film has the group of characters I cared the least about, and the ending is just plain terrible. This is easily a contender for worst Friday the 13th film.  I want my 91 minutes back! 1 STAR

Friday The 13th Part 6: Jason Lives- There are a lot of things that work in this film: The atmosphere, Thom Mathews as adult Tommy Jarvis (Now more determined than crazy), going back to Camp Crystal Lake (Now renamed Camp Forest Green in an attempt to rid the area of its bloody history), undead Jason (C.J. Graham) looks pretty rad, and the decision to have an actual camp (with kids) going on when the blood starts to pour. Unfortunately, this still isn't that good of a film. It chooses to be a horror-comedy, and the choice doesn't work super-well. It's silly, goofy, cheesy, and campy but I had a lot of fun with it. 2.5 STARS

Friday The 13th Part 7: The New Blood- Jason vs. a telepathic teen. It's about as good as you would expect it to be, which is to say not very.  The characters are uninteresting, and the deaths/kills are unimpressive (except for one that involves a saw). This was Kane Hodder's first appearance as Jason, but that's not reason enough to sit through this cliche'd, dull, bland, boring mess. I will say the final battle is actually good, though. Still, I say stay away.  1 STAR

Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan- The big downfall of this outing is that precious little time takes place in Manhattan. Most of the film follows Jason as he does his stabby-slashy thing on a yacht/pleasure cruise. The characters aren't all that great, the film kind of drags, and when we finally do get to Manhattan we don't get many settings except a brief scene in Times Square, a quick (but satisfying) fight on a rooftop, and the big finale in the sewers where Jason is drowned in toxic waste. It's not terrible, but not terribly good either, leaving Jason Takes Manhattan in the disappointing "just ok" area. A definite guilty pleasure of mine. 2 STARS

Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday- Oh man, what a piece of shit. The bloodiest, most brutal, goriest, and grossest Jason film is also the weirdest, strangest, and most insulting. When a whole crew (and then some) of FBI guys gun down and blow up Jason, he takes the form of a worm-like creature so he can start possessing people while he searches for his last living relative and her child (because the child is the only one who can kill him). This is the worst version of Jason I've seen, his design (when he's on screen, which is rare) is ugly, and he makes dumb noises and grunts a lot (including when he's being gunned down). For most of the film, Jason is just a bunch of random people, none of whom are intimidating or frightening (freaky, maybe...but scary, no.). I also didn't care for Steven Williams as bounty hunter Creighton Duke, who isn't in the film much, serves next to no purpose, and is an antagonistic asshole for most of the scenes he appears in. I like John D. LeMay as Steven (our hero), and I appreciate just how far the film goes with the violence, but it makes many weird, half-assed choices that don't make much sense. Jason Goes To Hell is certainly more watchable and entertaining (in a groan-inducing way) than A New Beginning and The New Blood, but I'd say this is still likely the worst installment in the Friday the 13th franchise. Be on the look-out for references to The Evil Dead, A Nightmare On Elm Street, and The Thing (This outing also has the single best line in all of the Friday The 13th films: "Planning on smoking a little dope, having a little premarital sex, and getting slaughtered?").  1 STAR


Jason X- Jason goes to space, a sure-fire way for a franchise to announce it's run out of ideas and is dying a slow, painful death. This outing takes place in the far future where Jason is dethawed  and awakens (thanks to two teens/young adults doing the nasty nearby....yes, really). The kills aren't half-bad, and the film is fun in a so-bad-it's-good way. Surprisingly, this outing doesn't take itself too seriously and is actually pretty darned funny at times. Unfortunately, nothing can excuse the eye-gougingly bad design of Chrome Jason (he looks like a bad Power Rangers villain reject). Yet another guilty pleasure. 1 STAR

Friday The 13th (2009)- "Let's all be one big, happy cliche." The film is right at home living within genre conventions, and it finds a way to have lots of fun within these confines. It's not ever scary, but the characters are entertaining, and Jason (played here pretty perfectly by Derek Mears) is smarter than usual and brutal. All in all, this is definitely one of the better remakes (Also gotta love Chewie as played by Aaron Yoo, and Julinna Guill's breasts are perfect.). 3 STARS