RETRO REVIEW: FIRED UP

"You gotta risk it to get the biscuit"

Fired Up follows Shawn and Nick; two high school football stars that decide to ditch out on their usual football summer camp and instead enlist in a summer cheerleading camp where they attempt to hook up with every female there.

Fired Up is NOT a cheer leading film. It's NOT Bring It On nor does it resemble a film like that in any way, shape, or form. True, it does throw in a few cheer antics for the female demographic but for most of the film our focus is on Nick and Shawn and, while it may veer off into rom-com territory near the end, for the most part it is a pure guy comedy.

From the beginning of the film, which focuses on our two would-be girl obsessed heroes as they escape from the fathers of some girls they were planning on banging, we are quickly introduced to what this film essentially is: A sex comedy. The film is about sex, guys' obsession with the act and with girls in general, and the lengths guys will go to get a piece of the action.

The main actors that portray Nick (Eric Christian Olsen) and Shawn (Nicholas D'Agosto) do a pretty bang up job. They are perfectly materialistic and shallow but also pretty smart (You'd have to be to get away with what these two do), making tons of wise-cracks and observations about the new world of women they find themselves in once they enter the camp. They don't bother to remember girls names that they meet and look at women as nothing but objects to be played with and then tossed away when something prettier and more desirable walks by. While some may be offended with the two main leads, I personally loved the hell out of them. Handled the wrong way they could come across as complete assholes, but here they are lovably cool and funny. They work great together and help to raise the film up to a higher level here.

The script itself is one of the stronger ones sampled in a comedy. It manages to be surprisingly smart with its material. Most of the jokes manage to emit a genuine laugh from me every time, not to mention the numerous one-liners are instant classics, like the one seen at the beginning of this review which shall forever be part of my vocabulary till the day I die.

The supporting characters are ok, the most memorable one being Poppy (Juliette Goglia); Shawn's younger sister that has the attitude of a whip-smart sarcastic adult. Her first scene she is in is absolutely hilarious and most of the lines she is given are just as funny as her first few. She's not given much screen time but manages to make a lasting impression.

One of the film's only weaker points is the story. While the initial plot is pretty clever, the twist of Nick falling in love with one of the cheer captains; Carly (Sarah Roemer); and having to compete with her douchey boyfriend; Dr. Rick (David Walton, an absolute thick-headed treat on the big screen); is not. There are some good humorous moments that come from Rick's character and his pompous brainlessness, but in the end Nick's falling in love hinders the film as it gives a chance for the two leads to realize that they are just as bad as Rick and to change their naughty ways (GAG ME... I personally prefer the two when they are shallow women loving jocks...but whatever).

In the end, Fired Up may have a few misfires along the way to its satisfying conclusion, but that doesn't detract from any of the comedy found within the film. Fired Up is a real guy film that also manages to be surprisingly smart at times, quite a treat if you ask me.

3/5 stars

BEETLE IS PLEASANTLY SURPRISED BY TANGLED

Tangled is supposedly the last fairy tale film that Disney is going to make, and man, they really put this beloved tradition to rest in a beautiful way.

Tangled is the classic story of Rapunzel with a few twists. You can still find the girl with long golden hair that has been locked away in a tower by an evil witch, but in this re-telling her hair has magical healing powers that the witch uses to stay young forever. Also thrown in are a few new characters like loveable rogue Flynn Rider, the head horse of the royal guard named Maximus, and a cute chameleon named Pascal.

Tangled is by all means a "classic" Disney fairy tale, the last of its kind. For me, watching the film was almost like revisiting a part of my childhood that I thought had been long lost. True, the film is done with CGI, so there's one variation from the Fairy Tale tradition, but the way they use the CGI is phenomenal. The settings and backgrounds are beautifully realized, especially the floating lantern scene near the end. The character work is beautiful as well, for example: Rapunzel herself looks stunning when she is covered in water, her hair glistening and shimmering.

The main character of Rapunzel is absolutely beautiful to behold in every scene she is in. She's got a very soft face and a mesmerizing voice (performed by Mandy Moore) that really soars whenever she is speaking or singing. She's got an innocence about her but also has a feisty streak . Here is a girl that has never seen the light of day, and it's greatly affected who she is as a person. Her lone birthday wish is to get outside to see the lanterns that the king and queen release every year in remembrance of their lost daughter (ie: Rapunzel). She doesn't realize who she really is and the importance she carries with her until Flynn Rider (voiced by Zachary Levi) chooses her tower to hide in. She quickly gains the upper hand and is able to convince Rider to take her outside to see the lanterns, and that's where the real fun begins, but before I get into that let's quickly take a look at the other characters.

There's Flynn Rider, he's got a very Indiana Jones type vibe to him. He is a thief who's got an undeniable charm and confidence to him. There is never any doubt in his mind that he will get away with it all in the end, and he also carries the humorous belief that he is a real lady charmer. When he comes across Wanted posters of him he laments not that he is one step closer to being caught, but that they can't get his nose right. He is a real joy to watch in the film and makes for a superb contrast to Rapunzel's character. He is everything she isn't: he's very knowledgeable about the outside world and never doubts himself. When he first reluctantly agrees to take her on an adventure outside he tries several times to trick her into going back to the tower (and fails each time). He's one of those "I don't like teaming up" characters, and it's great fun to see his and rapunzel's interactions and how his character slowly, but surely begins to like Rapunzel.

Another charming character that easily steals every scene he's in is Maximus: The head horse of the Royal Guard. It is his personal mission to find Flynn Rider and bring him to justice by any means necessary, even if that means killing him. There are several scenes where Maximus tries to do exactly this by stomping on Flynns hands while he is hanging off a cliff, and by attempting to flood a canyon Flynn is in. There is also a humorous scene in which Maximus and Flynn face off with a sword and a frying pan. The film also constantly alludes to the fact that Maximus is smarter than all of the Royal Guard... a funny notion in and of itself. The film gains extra points by making Maximus a silent character, he never speaks a word but whinnys at times to display shock or anger. The interactions and feuds between Maximus and Rider are some of the best parts of the film for the comedic value they hold.

The film also boasts a memorable villain in the guise of Mother Gothel (voiced by Donna Murphy), the witch that has kept Rapunzel pent up in the tower for 18 long years (In the film Rapunzel is on the verge of her 18th birthday, thank you Disney, for giving us another hot princess that is basically of age). She shares an interesting bond with Rapunzel, at times seeming to genuinely care for her prisoner and at other times coming across as self-obsessed and sarcastic. She is filled with two-faced "compliments" and also has a great singing voice (nowhere near as beautiful as Rapunzel's though). Sure to remind most of Ursula (the sea-witch from The Little Mermaid), Gothel is yet another memorable character in the film.

The film IS a musical, and thats probably the only part that mildly annoyed me. Most of the songs are pretty good, but feel too poppy for their own good. Despite this, the songs are fairly memorable and entertaining, and the singing talent of Zachary Levi, Mandy Moore, and Donna Murphy are superb, so I can't really complain all that much about this. At least this marks another way that the film follows the Disney animated fairy-tale tradition and honestly, the film wouldn't feel right without music.

As I said before, the real fun begins once Rapunzel and Flynn Rider leave her sheltered home (her tower). Her reactions to what is essentially her first glimpse of the outside world are touching and believable. She rolls in the grass; running, playing and singing. She is well aware that this may be the only time she ever gets outside and she intends to savor every second of it. She has not seen much of the outside world, so she is filled with optimism and hope for it that affects most of the characters she runs into on her wild adventure (including a bunch of rowdy ruffians). Of course, putting a damper on the festivities is Gothel, who quickly grows enraged when she learns that her prize has run away for the day and gives chase after her.

The beginning of the film starts out with a surprisingly dark sentence that for the most part is unseen in most Disney animated films. It paints an overcast cloud over the proceedings. You never have any trouble enjoying the festivities, but are fully aware that a dark raincloud looms on the horizon. The ending that they chose for Tangled is one of the most beautiful, mature and perfect endings I've seen in a Disney film for a while (and I'm not just talking about the animated ones folks). The first part of the end is sad, heartbreaking, and perfectly shows the love that Flynn has for Rapunzel and the sacrifice he is willing to make to set her free while the 2nd part follows in the classic Disney tradition (ie: a happy ending).

With a mix of beautiful character development, stunning visuals, and a superb cast of voice actors it' pretty hard to find something wrong with this final entry in the Classic Disney musical fairy-tale tradition. It's certainly one of the better ones to be released of late (certainly better than last years attempt: Princess and the Frog). In the end, Tangled manages to hit all the right notes, sending this beloved tradition out in a beautiful and memorable way.

5/5 BETTER THAN SEX!!

Easily the best animated film of 2010

RETRO REVIEW: 500 DAYS OF SUMMER

It's been a while since I've done a retro review so I decided it's about time I do another one. This time, it's of my personal favorite love story/rom-com 500 Days of Summer.

500 days of Summer follows ( in a non-linear fashion) the 500 day relationship of Tom and Summer, their ins and outs, up and downs, good days and bad days, their get-together and inevitable break up. While it's plot may not be the most original one to date, it's the way that the film handles the material that makes it endearing.

This is NOT your typical romantic movie and it does not take a romantic, cheery attitude towards love. The film is straightforward and truthful about relationships, the emotions that go into one, breakups and the heart-wrenching pain that comes with them. The non-linear approach towards the story is also an original approach towards the storytelling method, jumping back forth in the relationship, often using this approach to compare the early days to the last days.

The film's two protagonists, Tom and Summer, are skillfully portrayed by Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey Deschenel respectively. Both have amazing comedic timing as well as hitting all the right emotional chords right when they need to. Their chemistry is believable and they work well together.

500 days of Summer is not your typical romantic movie. It takes several innovative approaches in how it chooses to tell its story, including a musical dance number to Hall and Oates' "You Make My Dreams Come True". 500 Days of Summer is a masterpiece in it's own right.

5/5 Stars BETTER THAN SEX

BEETLE TELLS LITTLE FOCKERS TO FOCK OFF

This is one of the few films I really, really, really do NOT want to review . Just having to think that I sat this this stupid, aimless shitfest disturbs me. This movie killed my soul.

Little Fockers is about Greg and Pam Focker (wow, I just realized how stupid and unrealistic a last name that is. Seriously, if you had a last name like that why don't you change it...I know it must be possible) getting ready for their kids birthday party. And that is the plot, if you can actually call it that. What this film really is is a bunch of forced humor strung together by a supremely weak plot.

Granted there are several giggle worthy scenes throughout the film (like the ball-pit) but most of the humor feels forced and unfunny. There is a scene where Robert De Nero has a boner.....A BONER!!!!!! WHYYYYYY??? This movie doesn't give a shit about its actors, obviously.

I could go on about my hatred for this film. I walked in saying to myself: "Hey, this can't be anywhere near as bad as the critics are saying it is." Guess what folks...I WAS WRONG! this film is every bit as bad as they say it is and then some. I mean, they had to pay Dustin Hoffman a ridiculous amount of money to appear in six scenes in this film because he downright refused to do this film. It's amazing what a lot of money can do...isn't it. He is one of the best parts about the film, but that ain't saying much kids.

Come to think of it, the main focus of the movie is supposed to be the 2 kids and they are BARELY in it! What does that say, when a movie conveniently forgets to show the namesake of the goddamned title? IT SAYS THE FILM IS LAZY.

And that's not the WORST part. The film ends with what is basically a guarantee that these people will make yet another Focker film. I don't want to even think about that. I'd rather fellate an angry rhino then sit through another one of these films.

Seriously, if you want to drop your brain in a blender and set it to frappe, go ahead and see this film. I won't stop you, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Ok, enough ranting..... rating time.

.5 (HALF A STAR)/5 stars FUUUUUUCK YOUUUUU

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2: A MUCH BETTER FILM

Paranormal Activity 2 managed to do what its predecessor failed to do on so many levels: IT SCARED ME SHITLESS. Believe me when I say that this film does not disappoint. You guys better get your sleeping pills ready because after viewing this film it ain't likely you'll be getting a good nights rest for a while.

In Paranormal Activity 2 we follow happily married couple Kristi (related to the first films Katie) and Daniel and their daughter Ali as they celebrate the birth of their first born son, Hunter. Unfortunately the reveling is cut short when they arrive home to find their house completely trashed (and I mean COMPLETELY TRASHED....seriously guys call 911 or sumthin). Worried, Daniel installs some security cameras around the house. Of course it doesn't take too long to figure out that something not quite normal is happening inside their house, and it all seems connected to poor baby Hunter.

I don't want to give too much away but I will say that somewhere in the 3rd act of the film the plot takes an interesting twist (a twist that concerns SPOILER pacts with the devil). Now, this twist in itself really helped to give the demon a believable motivation for his actions seen in both films( yeah, it's the same demon...should come as no surprise).

Not only is the story somewhat more interesting but the characters sampled this time around are alot more well rounded and grounded. It's refreshing to see a dad that amidst potential danger can still find the time to pull a well-executed prank on his wife. The house itself (for its sheer size) also is scarier than the first films setting, I wouldn't want to live in a house like that...especially if it's being terrorized by an angry demon.

Included in Paranormal Activity 2 are a spiritual maid, a kick-ass take no prisoners German Sheperd (seriously, this dog doesn't fuck around), and alot more terrifying chaos than you can shake a stick at. Most of the chaos takes place during the 3rd act, and because of the lengthy running time this time around that means there's more room for scares.

There were several moments where I literally jumped out of my seat and screamed, something that never happened in the original. During all of the last act I was on the edge of my seat, cringing as I waited for the next horrifying occurance to happen. From a girl getting dragged down some stairs (repeadetly), to animal abuse, to what can only be described as an explosion in the kitchen, if you don't leave Paranormal Activity 2 emotionally scarred then something is seriously wrong with you.

Paranormal Activity 2 has a better story, better scares, and better characters thus making it a far superior film. While it doesn't really add anything groundbreaking to what is sure to be a popular franchise, Paranormal Activity 2 still manages to strike all the right chords with viewers and that folks, is all that matters.

4/5 stars FULL PRICE