Uncut Gems is the story of Howard Ratner (Adam Sandler), the owner of a high-price, independently owned jewelry store in NYC in 2012. When we first meet him, his life has started a downward spiral that only gets worse as the film continues. He is in the middle of a nasty break-up with his wife, Dinah (Idina Menzel), has been screwing a gorgeous employee of his, Julia (Julia Fox), and has been scrambling to re-pay some vicious loan sharks, Arno (Eric Bogosian), Phil (Keith Williams Richards), and Nico (Tommy Kominik). When Howard comes into possession of a rock filled with uncut Opals, he sees a way out of his predicament. Unfortunately, the rock is swiped and Howard has to scramble to find a way to retrieve it.
Idina Menzel is a lot of fun as Howards' pissed-off housewife, Dinah, who is trying to break-up with him throughout the film. It's clear that she is tired of him and his ways, and the looks she continually gives Howard are hilarious (if looks could kill!). Julia Fox plays the drop-dead gorgeous Julia, an employee of Howard's jewelry store that he has been sleeping with on the side. She's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, but is sweet, sexy, and very fond of Howard. She lights up the screen whenever she is on. Before Uncut Gems, Julia Fox was a photographer and model, and this is her first acting gig (You would never guess, she is brilliant here). Kevin Garnett is very entertaining as himself. He is obsessed with Howard's rock, and seems to think it has magical powers (hence why he swipes it). The whole cast does a fantastic job, but make no mistake, this is the Adam Sandler show, and he shines here like it's nobodies business.
Adam Sandler plays our protagonist, Howard, one of the best characters of 2019. Howard is very unlucky, but this is due in large part to his inability to make good decisions. He is awful with money, and tends to immediately spend whatever cash he is able to get his hands on. Howard also has no issues with conning, scamming, and lying to people if he feels the situation calls for it. He is a fairly selfish person, but is still very likable and entertaining (He feels like someone you would meet in real life). Howard is continually shit-on and disrespected by everyone he comes into contact with (from his wife, to a buddy of his played by Lakeith Stanfield, to Kevin Garnett, etc). While it's not like he doesn't deserve the treatment, it's hard not to feel bad for the guy all the same. Sandler throws himself into the role with gusto, and takes a sleazy character and makes him immensely likable. It's not hard to root for Howard to find a way out of the various messes he entangles himself in. This is easily Sandler's best performance to date, and he is downright magnetic here. It's like he's on a whole 'nother level.
It's not very often that you come across a film that you know is special right from the opening scenes, but Uncut Gems is special indeed. The cinematography by Darius Khondji is psychedelic at times and consistently impressive. The score by Daniel Lopatin is unlike anything I have heard in a movie theater in quite some time. The compositions are otherworldly, gorgeous, and can literally make you feel like you are floating out of your seat, like you're being elevated/transported to something/somewhere greater. Yes, this is easily the best score to a film this year.
Ronald Bronstein and Benny Safdie were in charge of editing, and it's frenetic and fast-paced. Sound editing was done by Helmut Scherz, Skip Lievsay, Anton Gold, and Chris Chae (among many others). The sound design is fantastic, there are plenty of parts where characters are talking or yelling over each other and it gets confused or hard to make out. Ordinarily, this would be considered a negative but for whatever reason the decision really works here. It fits the tone and style of the film, and makes those scenes feel that much more real.
Uncut Gems is directed and written by Josh and Benny Safdie (with Ronald Bronstein assisting with the script). The film has a manic energy throughout, and is fast-paced and filled with anxiety and tension (though I would say the anxiety was more intense in the Safdie Bros. previous film, 'Good Time'.). There are plenty of scenes where your stomach turns to knots and you start to feel sick. This is one of the few times a film succeeds in doing this not with visuals, but with the way scenes play out. It's not easy to watch Howard's attempts to dig himself out of the hole he is stuck in continually fall on their face, or to have his attempts just make things even worse. The script is also sharp and can cut like a knife. Don't let all this fool you though, as Uncut Gems is often quite hilarious and fun.
Uncut Gems is another masterpiece from A24. It doesn't feel like anything you have seen before. It's about basketball, gems, money, bad decisions, and the all-consuming desire for more. It's fun, hilarious, entertaining, tension-filled, anxiety-inducing, and plays more like an experiential film than anything else. The talent behind and in front of the camera is undeniable. Uncut Gems is easily the most entertaining film of 2019, and is an absolute blast that is best seen in a theater. It's definitely one of the best films of 2019.
5 STARS
Thursday, December 26, 2019
Saturday, December 21, 2019
RISE OF SKYWALKER IS A DEEPLY DISAPPOINTING END TO AN IMPORTANT, CULTURALLY SIGNIFICANT FRANCHISE
In Rise of Skywalker, the galaxy is in chaos yet again. The Resistance and The First Order have both received transmissions/messages from Emperor Palpatine (Ian Mcdiarmid, reprising the role), who somehow appears to still be very much alive after the events of Return of The Jedi. Kylo goes all out in his quest to find Palpatine, fully prepared to put an end to anything or anyone that might challenge his newfound leadership. Meanwhile, The Resistance have been receiving information from a spy entrenched deep inside The First Order. With the information, Rey (Daisy Ridley), Poe (Oscar Isaac), and Finn (John Boyega) go off on a mission that could help them finally gain the upper hand in the ongoing battle between light and dark.
It's been 42 years (it feels longer than that), but the Skywalker saga is coming to an end. What started with a young dreamer name Luke stuck on a desert planet, ends with a young scavenger named Rey who is searching for her purpose , who she is, and ultimately which side she will fight on. The Star Wars films have taken us all on one hell of an emotional roller-coaster ride. Now, Rise of Skywalker brings us in for a bumpy landing (and that's putting it politely).
Despite what JJ Abrams and Kathleen Kennedy might say, after watching Rise of Skywalker it becomes painfully clear that the powers that be had no clear end goal, road map, or game plan for the new trilogy, instead choosing to just wing it all the way. Is it no wonder each film feels so different from the other two? (Rise of Skywalker in particular feels like it's set in an entirely different galaxy from the other films. It feels disconnected to from what came before).
The first Star Wars (Star War: A New Hope) was supposed to be a one-off thing, but after it made cash hand-over-fist and they got the green light for two more films, from Empire Strikes Back onwards everything felt planned out in advance, there was a clear goal they were heading for. The prequels (which are still decidedly not good), were absolutely planned out in advance. Those films went in different directions and took risks, which didn't always pay off. Unfortunately, Disney's decision to hop into a new trilogy with absolutely no idea about where they were going or what they wanted to do only hurt what could have been an excellent new trilogy. They took what could have been a fantastic and memorable ending to the Skywalker saga, and turned it into something subpar. Say what you will about Last Jedi, but at least it had a master director behind the camera. It took us in bold, exciting new directions and refused to provide us any easy answers. It didn't coddle long-time fans, and that pissed many off. This brings us to Rise of Skywalker.
After how divisive Last Jedi was, Disney decided to hire the man who opened the door into the new trilogy, JJ Abrams (I still think Force Awakens ain't bad btw), to direct the final outing. It seemed like a safe bet, but it blew up in all of our faces. With no real idea how to satisfyingly end a culturally important story, JJ and co-screenwriter Chris Terrio instead decided to desperately throw everything at the wall, hoping that something will stick....very little does. All the answers we receive, all the twists thrown our way, all the "surprises" (Honestly there are no surprises here) we are treated to are predictable. There is nothing new, creative, original, thrilling or exciting here. Some of the ideas and routes the film decides to go down could have been saved if tact, craft, and care went into presenting them to us...unfortunately, the execution is lazy and slap-dash (some of the ideas and routes are bad, some aren't). It feels like very little thought, passion, or love went into making this film.
After the opening title crawl, Rise of Skywalker opens with what could have been a very cool scene...instead, its sneakers are untied and it proceeds to fall directly onto its face. Rinse and repeat. The whole film is clumsy, lazy, and rushed. Right out of the gate, Rise of Skywalker zips along at a break neck speed, rarely if ever slowing down. We get very few character moments (or moments between characters), and we are never given the chance to breathe or sit back and digest what we are watching. It doesn't help that the script is embarrassingly bad (There are lots of moments of characters repeating lines. Ex: "They can fly now?!" "They can fly now!" "...They can fly now.").
It's odd to think that the man who directed Force Awakens also directed Rise of Skywalker....It feels like two different people directed each film. The JJ in Force Awakens seemed like he had a vision...like he might have had a plan, whereas the JJ in Rise of Skywalker lacks any real vision, passion, or drive. He falls back on regurgitating set pieces, themes, and arcs from previous films and by doing so confirms what many have always believed about the guy: That he lacks any real creativity or originality, and instead just relies on nostalgia, recycling/regurgitation, and the "tried-and-true" to get by.
Some of the decisions made in Skywalker lack any logic at all, like Rey being even more ridiculously over-powered than she was in Force Awakens. There's a scene where she literally stops a spaceship mid-flight just by raising her hand. The scene quickly devolves into a recycled, lesser version of the lightsaber struggle between Rey and Ren in Last Jedi. The reason Rey is so over-powered is explained in this one...but the explanation is lazy and weak, and it doesn't excuse how much Rey becomes a Mary Sue while in the hands of JJ. Finn also gets yet ANOTHER love interest. Finn started out as a character that had great potential, and has slowly become less and less interesting and less and less cool with each film. Billy Dee Williams appears once again as Lando, but very little is done with him. He's pretty much just there so we get another familiar, friendly face. What a waste of one of the cooler characters from the original trilogy. The Knights of Ren are definitely in the film a good deal, but are given very little to do. Kelly Marie Tran is back as Rose, but is barely in the film. She is essentially relegated to the background. Poe had an incredible character arc in Last Jedi that is completely walked back here. The First Order is also treated with a waving of the hand. The way they are handled here makes them look like they were never important and didn't really matter in the previous two films. The film also doesn't seem to know what to do with Hux (Dohmnall Gleeson) and basically just throws him away . For crying out loud, Skywalker can't even decide upon one explanation for what its title means. It clearly feels like it should mean or refer to one specific thing, but JJ and Terio throw in a final insulting line because they want Rey to be the hero and main character at the end of the day, thereby creating two meanings for 'Rise of Skywalker'.
Other decisions Skywalker makes are clearly done out of necessity, like Palpatine returning. It's clear he was included to serve one purpose and one purpose only. He is terribly mishandled, and only appears in around two scenes. JJ takes one of the greatest villains of all time and turns him into a joke. Carrie Fisher appears for her final performance, and it's distracting. It's clear that her lines are ripped from another film, and she always looks just a little off here.
So, yes, there is A LOT of bad to be sampled in this film...but, are there any redeeming qualities? Surprisingly...yes. The film is consistently nice to look at (thanks in large part to cinematography by Dan Mindel). Adam Driver's Kylo Ren/Ben Solo remains the strongest, most compelling, most interesting thing/person in all 3 films. He's the only character who feels like he's had an arc over the three installments. Driver brings an anger and hurt, but also a wounded vulnerability and constant self-doubt to the character that makes him likable and easy to root for, even when he is doing terrible things (Hell yes, still #TeamKylo over here). In Skywalker, Driver looks downright young and boy-ish at times, which is odd but charming. Our main trio (Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, and Oscar Isaac) all do fine acting jobs here, and their characters remain likable. Another good thing is the 3rd act. It didn't suck. It was fine and had some good moments, one of which involves an extended scene between Kylo and another character (who I won't reveal), and another scene which features Chewbacca flipping the F out (Extra: There's A LOT of fan-service moments in the third act, but most didn't bother me). There's also an adorable new little droid named D-O, who has been abused in the past and so is a little skittish around people. He almost feels like a little kid at times, and might succeed at stealing your heart. Luke gets a great scene and an awesome, perfect line that throws shade at one of the only things that felt wrong about Last Jedi. Also, the way the Skywalker saga wraps up isn't awful, but also ain't exactly satisfying either. That's it for the good folks!
In the end, Rise of Skywalker plays it painfully safe, and suffers for it. You can't help but wonder what another, more talented director that actually had a vision and passion for the film could have created here. Skywalker could have been great, it SHOULD have been great....but it isn't. It's rushed (to the point where it almost feels like JJ wants the whole thing to be over as badly as we do), lazy, and uninspired, and it lacks any creativity, originality, thrills, drive, love, or passion. It feels downright desperate, as its clear there was never any plan as to how the new trilogy would play out, leaving the powers that be to scramble to cobble together some form of ending. There is nothing new here, and it's all very predictable. As stated above, it's not all bad....but the bad still far outweighs the good. It's especially tough when you realize that this is it...there are no take-sie back-sies....this is how it all really ends for our beloved Star Wars saga and the characters that inhabit its rich galaxy. There are no second chances, you can't go back and craft a better ending. We got what we got, and it just isn't any good. Star Wars deserved better...we all do.
1.5 STARS
It's been 42 years (it feels longer than that), but the Skywalker saga is coming to an end. What started with a young dreamer name Luke stuck on a desert planet, ends with a young scavenger named Rey who is searching for her purpose , who she is, and ultimately which side she will fight on. The Star Wars films have taken us all on one hell of an emotional roller-coaster ride. Now, Rise of Skywalker brings us in for a bumpy landing (and that's putting it politely).
Despite what JJ Abrams and Kathleen Kennedy might say, after watching Rise of Skywalker it becomes painfully clear that the powers that be had no clear end goal, road map, or game plan for the new trilogy, instead choosing to just wing it all the way. Is it no wonder each film feels so different from the other two? (Rise of Skywalker in particular feels like it's set in an entirely different galaxy from the other films. It feels disconnected to from what came before).
The first Star Wars (Star War: A New Hope) was supposed to be a one-off thing, but after it made cash hand-over-fist and they got the green light for two more films, from Empire Strikes Back onwards everything felt planned out in advance, there was a clear goal they were heading for. The prequels (which are still decidedly not good), were absolutely planned out in advance. Those films went in different directions and took risks, which didn't always pay off. Unfortunately, Disney's decision to hop into a new trilogy with absolutely no idea about where they were going or what they wanted to do only hurt what could have been an excellent new trilogy. They took what could have been a fantastic and memorable ending to the Skywalker saga, and turned it into something subpar. Say what you will about Last Jedi, but at least it had a master director behind the camera. It took us in bold, exciting new directions and refused to provide us any easy answers. It didn't coddle long-time fans, and that pissed many off. This brings us to Rise of Skywalker.
After how divisive Last Jedi was, Disney decided to hire the man who opened the door into the new trilogy, JJ Abrams (I still think Force Awakens ain't bad btw), to direct the final outing. It seemed like a safe bet, but it blew up in all of our faces. With no real idea how to satisfyingly end a culturally important story, JJ and co-screenwriter Chris Terrio instead decided to desperately throw everything at the wall, hoping that something will stick....very little does. All the answers we receive, all the twists thrown our way, all the "surprises" (Honestly there are no surprises here) we are treated to are predictable. There is nothing new, creative, original, thrilling or exciting here. Some of the ideas and routes the film decides to go down could have been saved if tact, craft, and care went into presenting them to us...unfortunately, the execution is lazy and slap-dash (some of the ideas and routes are bad, some aren't). It feels like very little thought, passion, or love went into making this film.
After the opening title crawl, Rise of Skywalker opens with what could have been a very cool scene...instead, its sneakers are untied and it proceeds to fall directly onto its face. Rinse and repeat. The whole film is clumsy, lazy, and rushed. Right out of the gate, Rise of Skywalker zips along at a break neck speed, rarely if ever slowing down. We get very few character moments (or moments between characters), and we are never given the chance to breathe or sit back and digest what we are watching. It doesn't help that the script is embarrassingly bad (There are lots of moments of characters repeating lines. Ex: "They can fly now?!" "They can fly now!" "...They can fly now.").
It's odd to think that the man who directed Force Awakens also directed Rise of Skywalker....It feels like two different people directed each film. The JJ in Force Awakens seemed like he had a vision...like he might have had a plan, whereas the JJ in Rise of Skywalker lacks any real vision, passion, or drive. He falls back on regurgitating set pieces, themes, and arcs from previous films and by doing so confirms what many have always believed about the guy: That he lacks any real creativity or originality, and instead just relies on nostalgia, recycling/regurgitation, and the "tried-and-true" to get by.
Some of the decisions made in Skywalker lack any logic at all, like Rey being even more ridiculously over-powered than she was in Force Awakens. There's a scene where she literally stops a spaceship mid-flight just by raising her hand. The scene quickly devolves into a recycled, lesser version of the lightsaber struggle between Rey and Ren in Last Jedi. The reason Rey is so over-powered is explained in this one...but the explanation is lazy and weak, and it doesn't excuse how much Rey becomes a Mary Sue while in the hands of JJ. Finn also gets yet ANOTHER love interest. Finn started out as a character that had great potential, and has slowly become less and less interesting and less and less cool with each film. Billy Dee Williams appears once again as Lando, but very little is done with him. He's pretty much just there so we get another familiar, friendly face. What a waste of one of the cooler characters from the original trilogy. The Knights of Ren are definitely in the film a good deal, but are given very little to do. Kelly Marie Tran is back as Rose, but is barely in the film. She is essentially relegated to the background. Poe had an incredible character arc in Last Jedi that is completely walked back here. The First Order is also treated with a waving of the hand. The way they are handled here makes them look like they were never important and didn't really matter in the previous two films. The film also doesn't seem to know what to do with Hux (Dohmnall Gleeson) and basically just throws him away . For crying out loud, Skywalker can't even decide upon one explanation for what its title means. It clearly feels like it should mean or refer to one specific thing, but JJ and Terio throw in a final insulting line because they want Rey to be the hero and main character at the end of the day, thereby creating two meanings for 'Rise of Skywalker'.
Other decisions Skywalker makes are clearly done out of necessity, like Palpatine returning. It's clear he was included to serve one purpose and one purpose only. He is terribly mishandled, and only appears in around two scenes. JJ takes one of the greatest villains of all time and turns him into a joke. Carrie Fisher appears for her final performance, and it's distracting. It's clear that her lines are ripped from another film, and she always looks just a little off here.
So, yes, there is A LOT of bad to be sampled in this film...but, are there any redeeming qualities? Surprisingly...yes. The film is consistently nice to look at (thanks in large part to cinematography by Dan Mindel). Adam Driver's Kylo Ren/Ben Solo remains the strongest, most compelling, most interesting thing/person in all 3 films. He's the only character who feels like he's had an arc over the three installments. Driver brings an anger and hurt, but also a wounded vulnerability and constant self-doubt to the character that makes him likable and easy to root for, even when he is doing terrible things (Hell yes, still #TeamKylo over here). In Skywalker, Driver looks downright young and boy-ish at times, which is odd but charming. Our main trio (Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, and Oscar Isaac) all do fine acting jobs here, and their characters remain likable. Another good thing is the 3rd act. It didn't suck. It was fine and had some good moments, one of which involves an extended scene between Kylo and another character (who I won't reveal), and another scene which features Chewbacca flipping the F out (Extra: There's A LOT of fan-service moments in the third act, but most didn't bother me). There's also an adorable new little droid named D-O, who has been abused in the past and so is a little skittish around people. He almost feels like a little kid at times, and might succeed at stealing your heart. Luke gets a great scene and an awesome, perfect line that throws shade at one of the only things that felt wrong about Last Jedi. Also, the way the Skywalker saga wraps up isn't awful, but also ain't exactly satisfying either. That's it for the good folks!
In the end, Rise of Skywalker plays it painfully safe, and suffers for it. You can't help but wonder what another, more talented director that actually had a vision and passion for the film could have created here. Skywalker could have been great, it SHOULD have been great....but it isn't. It's rushed (to the point where it almost feels like JJ wants the whole thing to be over as badly as we do), lazy, and uninspired, and it lacks any creativity, originality, thrills, drive, love, or passion. It feels downright desperate, as its clear there was never any plan as to how the new trilogy would play out, leaving the powers that be to scramble to cobble together some form of ending. There is nothing new here, and it's all very predictable. As stated above, it's not all bad....but the bad still far outweighs the good. It's especially tough when you realize that this is it...there are no take-sie back-sies....this is how it all really ends for our beloved Star Wars saga and the characters that inhabit its rich galaxy. There are no second chances, you can't go back and craft a better ending. We got what we got, and it just isn't any good. Star Wars deserved better...we all do.
1.5 STARS
Saturday, December 14, 2019
BLACK CHRISTMAS 2019 IS A WHOLE BUNCH OF HO HO NO!
In Black Christmas we follow a group of Sorority sisters who are left behind on their college campus during winter break. After an ill-advised prank on the main frat on campus (named DKO, Deke for short. Get it? Cause it sounds like dick! FACEPALM), they begin receiving threatening text messages from an unknown person. It doesn't take long for the sisters' numbers to start to drop, and on Christmas Eve it will be up to the remaining girls to fight for their lives.
Black Chistmas stars Imogen Poots as Riley (who is still recovering from a previous date rape), Aleyse Shannon as Kris (A crazed, man-hating, feminist extremest), Lily Donoghue as Marty, Brittany O'Grady as Jesse, Madeline Adams as Helena, and Nathalie Morris as Fran. These ladies make up our group of protagonists. Most of them are interchangeable and given very few defining characteristics/character traits or character development (except for Riley and Kris). You don't really care or feel for any of them. Cary Elwes plays Professor Gelson, who is currently under fire from a petition (started by Kris) that wants him removed from the campus because his literary curriculum consists of white males writers. He is understandably upset by this. There are also two "good guys" in the film: Caleb Eberhardt as Landon (love interest for Riley) and Simon Meade as Nate (Boyfriend to Marty). They, for the most part, are on the girls' side. However, when Nate tries to have a healthy dialogue/discussion with the girls about their views (Essentially his point is that not all men are rapists and evil. It's not good to lump us all together) the girls throw him out of the sorority house because he doesn't agree with them. Truly great, reasonable, fair-minded role models for young girls *sigh*.
Before we delve even further into the negatives (And yes, there is A LOT to unpack here), let's first look at the positives. Black Christmas has a strong cast (that the film doesn't know what to do with or how to properly utilize). The Cinematography by Mark Schwartzbard manages to be striking and effective at times (It's quite competent). The first kill (that happens within the first five minutes of the film) ain't bad either. Unfortunately, that's the only good I have to say about this rotten little flick.
So, where did this film go wrong? How about that it's one of the worst remakes you can sample in the modern day. It has no connection to Black Christmas except for its bare basic plot (Sorority is terrorized by unknown killer/killers on Christmas Eve), and it features some references to the original classic (and one reference to The Exorcist 3). Besides that, this is a remake in name only. The film does look appropriately wintry, with plenty of snow and decorations, but Christmas acts more as wallpaper (or wrapping). Black Christmas could have been set during any other time of the year, and nothing would have been lost. In short: It's just not a Christmas movie, or a Black Christmas movie.
What else is rotten about Black Christmas? Well, mostly everything. The script (by April Wolfe and Sophia Takal) is abysmal and the directing (by Sophia Takal) is poor. The film is terribly paced as well. The first hour is dull and boring as our protagonists basically walk around campus and talk about how evil men are while they wait for the film to kick into gear (nothing happens). The last 20-30 minutes go completely off-the-rails. It's revealed early on who the killer is, but the how and why are saved for the end. The explanation is bonkers, silly, stupid, ridiculous and insulting. Black Christmas wants us to take the reveal dead seriously, but it's so ridiculously presented that it's impossible to. It comes across as more humorous than anything else.
Black Christmas is never tense, scary, atmospheric, or suspenseful. It was clearly edited down during post-production to get a PG-13 rating (this decision was explained by Takal and Wolfe. They felt their "message" was so timely that it needed to be seen by 13 year olds ). This shows during the 3rd act as the kills are heavily edited down so the audience essentially doesn't see anything. Unfortunately, an R rating would not have been able to save this film. We would have gotten more gore and brutality, but that alone does not a great film make.
Black Christmas is not so much interested in being a proper horror film, than it is with being a message film. The only problem is that its message is terrible and does more harm than good. You'd think they'd want as many people as possible to take up the cause of feminism, but instead the film insists that feminism is a girls-only thing. The filmmakers don't want any guys involved at all (Unless they are weak, subservient losers like Landon and Nate, and even then they don't really matter because men's true nature is inherently evil. Really, the film says this.). It doesn't help that Black Christmas has all the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the face. The message is shoved forcefully down our throats (and THIS is what you want 13 year old girls to learn? That all men are evil, want to rape them or force them to submit? That men feel threatened by them gaining more power than us or them taking power away from men, which we feel inherently belongs to us? Yes, some men are terrible human beings...but not all of us are like that! Even the bad ones can see the err of their ways and change for the better!).
It's shocking that anyone thought that this film was a good idea, or that it even got green-lit to begin with. Blumhouse was actually doing pretty well, and thus film only serves as mud on their face. It's hard to believe that Imogen Poots and Cary Elwes would even allow themselves to get tangled up in this mess (Cary Elwes basically allows himself to be portrayed as an evil, one-dimensional villain who only exists to further drive the message home/further illustrate the message). Both are incredibly talented actors who deserve far better roles than these.
In the end, it's hard to say what's worse in Black Christmas: The dull, boring first hour or the insane, silly, ridiculous, insulting final 20 minutes or so. It's easy to see who is responsible for sinking this film: Sophia Takal (Who has done mostly acting, directing only 2 films before this. She only has two previous screenwriting credits to her name, one of which was for an episode of Hulu's Into The Dark) and April Wolfe (Who previously worked as a film critic for LA Weekly and Village Voice, as of now Black Christmas is the only screenwriting credit to her name.). The directing and script easily sink the film, and Black Christmas is a poor calling card for the two women.
Black Christmas doesn't attempt to properly remake the influential classic, instead stealing its title and using it to spread a hateful, toxic message to anyone unwise enough to fork over their hard-earned dollar to see it. It's easily one of the worst (if not THE worst) film to come out of 2019. Black Christmas is one "treat" you would hate to find in your stocking come Christmas-time. Black Christmas can get stuffed!
0.5 STARS
Black Chistmas stars Imogen Poots as Riley (who is still recovering from a previous date rape), Aleyse Shannon as Kris (A crazed, man-hating, feminist extremest), Lily Donoghue as Marty, Brittany O'Grady as Jesse, Madeline Adams as Helena, and Nathalie Morris as Fran. These ladies make up our group of protagonists. Most of them are interchangeable and given very few defining characteristics/character traits or character development (except for Riley and Kris). You don't really care or feel for any of them. Cary Elwes plays Professor Gelson, who is currently under fire from a petition (started by Kris) that wants him removed from the campus because his literary curriculum consists of white males writers. He is understandably upset by this. There are also two "good guys" in the film: Caleb Eberhardt as Landon (love interest for Riley) and Simon Meade as Nate (Boyfriend to Marty). They, for the most part, are on the girls' side. However, when Nate tries to have a healthy dialogue/discussion with the girls about their views (Essentially his point is that not all men are rapists and evil. It's not good to lump us all together) the girls throw him out of the sorority house because he doesn't agree with them. Truly great, reasonable, fair-minded role models for young girls *sigh*.
Before we delve even further into the negatives (And yes, there is A LOT to unpack here), let's first look at the positives. Black Christmas has a strong cast (that the film doesn't know what to do with or how to properly utilize). The Cinematography by Mark Schwartzbard manages to be striking and effective at times (It's quite competent). The first kill (that happens within the first five minutes of the film) ain't bad either. Unfortunately, that's the only good I have to say about this rotten little flick.
So, where did this film go wrong? How about that it's one of the worst remakes you can sample in the modern day. It has no connection to Black Christmas except for its bare basic plot (Sorority is terrorized by unknown killer/killers on Christmas Eve), and it features some references to the original classic (and one reference to The Exorcist 3). Besides that, this is a remake in name only. The film does look appropriately wintry, with plenty of snow and decorations, but Christmas acts more as wallpaper (or wrapping). Black Christmas could have been set during any other time of the year, and nothing would have been lost. In short: It's just not a Christmas movie, or a Black Christmas movie.
What else is rotten about Black Christmas? Well, mostly everything. The script (by April Wolfe and Sophia Takal) is abysmal and the directing (by Sophia Takal) is poor. The film is terribly paced as well. The first hour is dull and boring as our protagonists basically walk around campus and talk about how evil men are while they wait for the film to kick into gear (nothing happens). The last 20-30 minutes go completely off-the-rails. It's revealed early on who the killer is, but the how and why are saved for the end. The explanation is bonkers, silly, stupid, ridiculous and insulting. Black Christmas wants us to take the reveal dead seriously, but it's so ridiculously presented that it's impossible to. It comes across as more humorous than anything else.
Black Christmas is never tense, scary, atmospheric, or suspenseful. It was clearly edited down during post-production to get a PG-13 rating (this decision was explained by Takal and Wolfe. They felt their "message" was so timely that it needed to be seen by 13 year olds ). This shows during the 3rd act as the kills are heavily edited down so the audience essentially doesn't see anything. Unfortunately, an R rating would not have been able to save this film. We would have gotten more gore and brutality, but that alone does not a great film make.
Black Christmas is not so much interested in being a proper horror film, than it is with being a message film. The only problem is that its message is terrible and does more harm than good. You'd think they'd want as many people as possible to take up the cause of feminism, but instead the film insists that feminism is a girls-only thing. The filmmakers don't want any guys involved at all (Unless they are weak, subservient losers like Landon and Nate, and even then they don't really matter because men's true nature is inherently evil. Really, the film says this.). It doesn't help that Black Christmas has all the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the face. The message is shoved forcefully down our throats (and THIS is what you want 13 year old girls to learn? That all men are evil, want to rape them or force them to submit? That men feel threatened by them gaining more power than us or them taking power away from men, which we feel inherently belongs to us? Yes, some men are terrible human beings...but not all of us are like that! Even the bad ones can see the err of their ways and change for the better!).
It's shocking that anyone thought that this film was a good idea, or that it even got green-lit to begin with. Blumhouse was actually doing pretty well, and thus film only serves as mud on their face. It's hard to believe that Imogen Poots and Cary Elwes would even allow themselves to get tangled up in this mess (Cary Elwes basically allows himself to be portrayed as an evil, one-dimensional villain who only exists to further drive the message home/further illustrate the message). Both are incredibly talented actors who deserve far better roles than these.
In the end, it's hard to say what's worse in Black Christmas: The dull, boring first hour or the insane, silly, ridiculous, insulting final 20 minutes or so. It's easy to see who is responsible for sinking this film: Sophia Takal (Who has done mostly acting, directing only 2 films before this. She only has two previous screenwriting credits to her name, one of which was for an episode of Hulu's Into The Dark) and April Wolfe (Who previously worked as a film critic for LA Weekly and Village Voice, as of now Black Christmas is the only screenwriting credit to her name.). The directing and script easily sink the film, and Black Christmas is a poor calling card for the two women.
Black Christmas doesn't attempt to properly remake the influential classic, instead stealing its title and using it to spread a hateful, toxic message to anyone unwise enough to fork over their hard-earned dollar to see it. It's easily one of the worst (if not THE worst) film to come out of 2019. Black Christmas is one "treat" you would hate to find in your stocking come Christmas-time. Black Christmas can get stuffed!
0.5 STARS
Tuesday, December 10, 2019
DANIEL ISN'T REAL IS A NEON SOAKED FUN HOUSE OF THE MIND
But...I AM real...aren't I?
Ok, all kidding aside Daniel Isn't Real is based off a novel called In This Way I Was Saved by Brian DeLeeuw. In the film, we follow troubled college freshman Luke (Miles Robbins, son of Tim Robbins. He previously appeared as Dave in Halloween 2018). He isn't having the easiest time in college as he is generally awkward and shy. It doesn't help that his mom, Claire (Mary Stuart Masterson), has Schizophrenia. Luke has his plate full, and so calls on a repressed childhood imaginary friend named Daniel (Patrick Schwarzenegger, son of Arnold) to assist. It isn't long before Claire has been shipped off to an institution and Luke is banging girls and discovering his creative side through photography with Daniel's help. He even manages to get a girlfriend in sweet and caring Cassie (Sasha Lane). Unfortunately, Daniel still has a chip on his shoulder about being repressed for so long. It isn't long before Daniel's assistance turns into true malice as he sets about driving Luke mad and begins to tear apart his life.
Patrick Schwarzenegger and Miles Robbins are both phenomenal and work incredibly well together. They have great chemistry and play off of each other to a superb degree. They are easily two of the year's best performances. That said, most will likely walk out of Daniel Isn't Real talking about Schwarzenegger's Daniel. Daniel starts out looking like the ultimate friend, the kind you always want backing you up. Schwarzenegger imbues his performance with a subtle menace that only grows as the film progresses. He makes being cool look effortless, and succeeds in also being quite scary and menacing when he needs to be. Schwarzenegger is also quite handsome, and it's unsettling how much he looks like his dad. It's almost like a mirror image...if said mirror was from a funhouse.
Miles Robbins plays Luke like he's disheveled and struggling, still trying to discover himself in some respects. Luke is mostly shy, awkward and lacks confidence (which is where Daniel comes into play). Robbins is believable and sympathetic in his role, and has some genuinely cool and impressive moments in the final act. He's super easy to root for. We want to see him overcome the overwhelmng odds that are stacked against him and succeed in the end.
Mary Stuart Masterson is very good as Luke's mom, Claire. She realistically plays a person who has succumbed to a terrible mental illness, but whose love for her son outweighs everything else and is the only thing that is able to bring her back to a state of semi-sanity at times. Sasha Lane is also likable as Luke's girlfriend, Cassie. She is placed in some danger near the end, and is the first to sense that all might not be as it appears with Luke. That said, she is consistently caring and supportive of our tortured hero, and is shown to worry about him when things start to spiral downhill.
Despite some real, impressive strengths, Daniel Isn't Real is certainly not without some flaws. Some events and twists are heavily telegraphed in advance, and subtlety is not this film's strong suit. The film feels like it's trying to comment on mental health, sanity, and madness...but it's thoughts and ideas aren't fully fleshed out. Daniel himself is a very interesting character, though it's never made clear exactly what he is, or what he represents (is he even supposed to represent something?). This could be viewed as either a negative or a positive, as it allows viewers' imaginations to run wild.
The cinematography by Lyle Vincent is often striking and gorgeous, employing lots of neon. Props also go to the nice practical effects used in the film, and the good synth-y score by Chris Clark. The direction and script by Adam Egypt Mortimer (Brian DeLeeuw also helped with the script) is good as well.
Daniel Isn't Real is a ballsy, ambitious film whose ideas aren't fully fleshed out, but is quite interesting nonetheless (There are certainly some intriguing ideas to chew on here). It's a damn shame that it didn't garner a wide theatrical release, as it is highly entertaining, fun, freaky, and houses two of the year's best performances. I feel that it is destined to gain a following as it is certainly one cool film. It definitely deserves a watch.
3.5 STARS
Ok, all kidding aside Daniel Isn't Real is based off a novel called In This Way I Was Saved by Brian DeLeeuw. In the film, we follow troubled college freshman Luke (Miles Robbins, son of Tim Robbins. He previously appeared as Dave in Halloween 2018). He isn't having the easiest time in college as he is generally awkward and shy. It doesn't help that his mom, Claire (Mary Stuart Masterson), has Schizophrenia. Luke has his plate full, and so calls on a repressed childhood imaginary friend named Daniel (Patrick Schwarzenegger, son of Arnold) to assist. It isn't long before Claire has been shipped off to an institution and Luke is banging girls and discovering his creative side through photography with Daniel's help. He even manages to get a girlfriend in sweet and caring Cassie (Sasha Lane). Unfortunately, Daniel still has a chip on his shoulder about being repressed for so long. It isn't long before Daniel's assistance turns into true malice as he sets about driving Luke mad and begins to tear apart his life.
Patrick Schwarzenegger and Miles Robbins are both phenomenal and work incredibly well together. They have great chemistry and play off of each other to a superb degree. They are easily two of the year's best performances. That said, most will likely walk out of Daniel Isn't Real talking about Schwarzenegger's Daniel. Daniel starts out looking like the ultimate friend, the kind you always want backing you up. Schwarzenegger imbues his performance with a subtle menace that only grows as the film progresses. He makes being cool look effortless, and succeeds in also being quite scary and menacing when he needs to be. Schwarzenegger is also quite handsome, and it's unsettling how much he looks like his dad. It's almost like a mirror image...if said mirror was from a funhouse.
Miles Robbins plays Luke like he's disheveled and struggling, still trying to discover himself in some respects. Luke is mostly shy, awkward and lacks confidence (which is where Daniel comes into play). Robbins is believable and sympathetic in his role, and has some genuinely cool and impressive moments in the final act. He's super easy to root for. We want to see him overcome the overwhelmng odds that are stacked against him and succeed in the end.
Mary Stuart Masterson is very good as Luke's mom, Claire. She realistically plays a person who has succumbed to a terrible mental illness, but whose love for her son outweighs everything else and is the only thing that is able to bring her back to a state of semi-sanity at times. Sasha Lane is also likable as Luke's girlfriend, Cassie. She is placed in some danger near the end, and is the first to sense that all might not be as it appears with Luke. That said, she is consistently caring and supportive of our tortured hero, and is shown to worry about him when things start to spiral downhill.
Despite some real, impressive strengths, Daniel Isn't Real is certainly not without some flaws. Some events and twists are heavily telegraphed in advance, and subtlety is not this film's strong suit. The film feels like it's trying to comment on mental health, sanity, and madness...but it's thoughts and ideas aren't fully fleshed out. Daniel himself is a very interesting character, though it's never made clear exactly what he is, or what he represents (is he even supposed to represent something?). This could be viewed as either a negative or a positive, as it allows viewers' imaginations to run wild.
The cinematography by Lyle Vincent is often striking and gorgeous, employing lots of neon. Props also go to the nice practical effects used in the film, and the good synth-y score by Chris Clark. The direction and script by Adam Egypt Mortimer (Brian DeLeeuw also helped with the script) is good as well.
Daniel Isn't Real is a ballsy, ambitious film whose ideas aren't fully fleshed out, but is quite interesting nonetheless (There are certainly some intriguing ideas to chew on here). It's a damn shame that it didn't garner a wide theatrical release, as it is highly entertaining, fun, freaky, and houses two of the year's best performances. I feel that it is destined to gain a following as it is certainly one cool film. It definitely deserves a watch.
3.5 STARS
Tuesday, December 3, 2019
BLACK CHRISTMAS IS BOB CLARK'S MASTERPIECE
The director of A Christmas Story brings you a dark holiday treat.
In Black Christmas, sorority house Pi Kappa Sigma begins receiving disturbing, obscene phone calls. As the sorority sisters begin to drop one by one, the race is on to find the killer and stop him before he strikes again. The standouts in the cast are Olivia Hussey as Jess Bradford (aka Juliet in Romeo and Juliet), John Saxon as Lt. Kenneth Fuller (who also starred in A Nightmare on Elm Street), Margot Kidder as Barb Coard (She also played Lois Lane in the Superman films), and Nick Mancuso as Billy.
Jess is our heroine. She is a kind, caring girl who is going through some tough times. She genuinely cares about her other sorority sisters. Olivia Hussey is gorgeous as hell in the film, and plays her role incredibly well. We root for Jess, and worry about the increasing danger she finds herself in. Lt. Kenneth Fuller is the head cop who investigates the murders and phone calls. John Saxon is incredible here, and manages to give off an air of authority while still showing that he can be gentle and soft when he needs to be. He's certainly better here than he was in Nightmare on Elm Street. Barb is an alcohol guzzling, foul-mouthed, fierce girl who isn't afraid of much. Margot Kidder is very memorable and likable in the role, and she gets one of the best on-screen deaths in film history.
The killer in Black Christmas is Billy. As voiced by Nick Mancuso, he emerges as one of the most memorable, most interesting killers in cinema. We are given sparse information about Billy, we never get a clear look at him, and we never find out his identity. That said, going by the obscene phone calls he continually makes throughout the film (which are unforgettable and chilling), it's not too hard to piece together somewhat of a disturbing backstory for the character. Nick Mancuso is incredibly effective, and makes for one helluva talented voice actor (The multiple phone calls in the film were actually made using the voices of Nick Mancuso, Bob Clark, and various other performers).
Black Christmas is directed by Bob Clark, and written by A. Roy Moore. Some parts definitely feel like Bob Clark, as the film is filled with black humor (jn fact, the first act or so plays almost like a black comedy). The humor is entertaining, but can be distracting and feel misplaced. There's an alcoholic, funny house mother (Mrs Machenry, as played by Marian Waldman) as well as an inept cop (Nash, as played by Doug McGrath. He gets one of the best phone calls in cinema history, and is quite memorable because of it). Another downside is that the kills aren't all that graphic, with the money shots occurring off-camera. Luckily, this leaves most of the "good stuff" to your imagination, and what the mind imagines/conjures up is often far more horrifying than anything we could ever see on camera.
That said, the script is pretty strong (and sparse) and the directing is top-notch. The score by Carl Zittrer is haunting and effective (and subtle too). It's mostly played on the piano, but is guaranteed to make your hair stand on end at times. The cinematography by Reginald H. Morris is impressive as well. The whole film feels like it's set on a quiet, dark, snowy Christmas night. The characters feel like they are completely alone and unprotected, and the atmosphere is tense, thick, and rich.
Surprisingly, Black Christmas also plays host to some feminist themes, although it never hammers you over the head with them. As the film progresses onwards, we find out that Jess has been impregnated by her boyfriend Peter (Keir Dullea), and wants to get an abortion. Peter is not the best boyfriend as he expects Jess to marry him (out of nowhere), and insists that Jess is going to keep the baby despite her convictions otherwise. Black Christmas is not just about a crazed killer, but is also about women's rights and who has ownership over a woman's body. Considering that the film came out in 1974, it seems that the decision to include these themes was likely a ballsy choice.
Black Christmas, while darkly comic at moments, is more-so incredibly dark and disturbing. Billy is a creepy, scary character. We see through his eyes a good deal of the time, and he seems to always be just at the peripheral of the camera lens.You definitely feel his presence throughout the film. Black Christmas' ending is also downright haunting, ambiguous, and memorable. Black Christmas is certainly one of the darkest Christmas movies you can see (and one of the most influential and beloved horror films as well). It's sure to send a wintry chill down your spine.
5 STARS
FUN FACT: This film is the progenitor of the "The calls are coming from inside the house/the killer is inside the house" trope.
In Black Christmas, sorority house Pi Kappa Sigma begins receiving disturbing, obscene phone calls. As the sorority sisters begin to drop one by one, the race is on to find the killer and stop him before he strikes again. The standouts in the cast are Olivia Hussey as Jess Bradford (aka Juliet in Romeo and Juliet), John Saxon as Lt. Kenneth Fuller (who also starred in A Nightmare on Elm Street), Margot Kidder as Barb Coard (She also played Lois Lane in the Superman films), and Nick Mancuso as Billy.
Jess is our heroine. She is a kind, caring girl who is going through some tough times. She genuinely cares about her other sorority sisters. Olivia Hussey is gorgeous as hell in the film, and plays her role incredibly well. We root for Jess, and worry about the increasing danger she finds herself in. Lt. Kenneth Fuller is the head cop who investigates the murders and phone calls. John Saxon is incredible here, and manages to give off an air of authority while still showing that he can be gentle and soft when he needs to be. He's certainly better here than he was in Nightmare on Elm Street. Barb is an alcohol guzzling, foul-mouthed, fierce girl who isn't afraid of much. Margot Kidder is very memorable and likable in the role, and she gets one of the best on-screen deaths in film history.
The killer in Black Christmas is Billy. As voiced by Nick Mancuso, he emerges as one of the most memorable, most interesting killers in cinema. We are given sparse information about Billy, we never get a clear look at him, and we never find out his identity. That said, going by the obscene phone calls he continually makes throughout the film (which are unforgettable and chilling), it's not too hard to piece together somewhat of a disturbing backstory for the character. Nick Mancuso is incredibly effective, and makes for one helluva talented voice actor (The multiple phone calls in the film were actually made using the voices of Nick Mancuso, Bob Clark, and various other performers).
Black Christmas is directed by Bob Clark, and written by A. Roy Moore. Some parts definitely feel like Bob Clark, as the film is filled with black humor (jn fact, the first act or so plays almost like a black comedy). The humor is entertaining, but can be distracting and feel misplaced. There's an alcoholic, funny house mother (Mrs Machenry, as played by Marian Waldman) as well as an inept cop (Nash, as played by Doug McGrath. He gets one of the best phone calls in cinema history, and is quite memorable because of it). Another downside is that the kills aren't all that graphic, with the money shots occurring off-camera. Luckily, this leaves most of the "good stuff" to your imagination, and what the mind imagines/conjures up is often far more horrifying than anything we could ever see on camera.
That said, the script is pretty strong (and sparse) and the directing is top-notch. The score by Carl Zittrer is haunting and effective (and subtle too). It's mostly played on the piano, but is guaranteed to make your hair stand on end at times. The cinematography by Reginald H. Morris is impressive as well. The whole film feels like it's set on a quiet, dark, snowy Christmas night. The characters feel like they are completely alone and unprotected, and the atmosphere is tense, thick, and rich.
Surprisingly, Black Christmas also plays host to some feminist themes, although it never hammers you over the head with them. As the film progresses onwards, we find out that Jess has been impregnated by her boyfriend Peter (Keir Dullea), and wants to get an abortion. Peter is not the best boyfriend as he expects Jess to marry him (out of nowhere), and insists that Jess is going to keep the baby despite her convictions otherwise. Black Christmas is not just about a crazed killer, but is also about women's rights and who has ownership over a woman's body. Considering that the film came out in 1974, it seems that the decision to include these themes was likely a ballsy choice.
Black Christmas, while darkly comic at moments, is more-so incredibly dark and disturbing. Billy is a creepy, scary character. We see through his eyes a good deal of the time, and he seems to always be just at the peripheral of the camera lens.You definitely feel his presence throughout the film. Black Christmas' ending is also downright haunting, ambiguous, and memorable. Black Christmas is certainly one of the darkest Christmas movies you can see (and one of the most influential and beloved horror films as well). It's sure to send a wintry chill down your spine.
5 STARS
FUN FACT: This film is the progenitor of the "The calls are coming from inside the house/the killer is inside the house" trope.
SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT IS EXTREMELY NAUGHTY
"PUNISH!!!"
Child abuse, sex, breasts, attempted rape, child endangerment, and murder...all this and more await those who trek into the pitch-black world of Silent Night, Deadly Night.
In Silent Night, Deadly Night, Billy witnesses the brutal murder of his parents by a robber dressed as Santa on Christmas Night. Understandably, this traumatizes the poor kid. Things only get worse when he is sent to a Catholic orphanage run by a cruel Mother Superior (Lilyan Chauvin), who continually abuses Billy, unable to understand or sympathize with the cause for his odd and inappropriate behavior. Fast forward to ten years later, and Billy has grown into a handsome, odd, but good 18 year old (played by Robert Brian Wilson). He is hired by a department store, but when Christmas Eve rolls around he is asked to play the role of Santa for them. It doesn't take long before poor Billy completely loses his mind and sets out into the wintry night, hellbent on punishing anyone who he deems naughty.
Silent Night, Deadly Night's cast of characters are mostly unlikable. The few who aren't despicable have little screen time. It's supporting cast consists of Linnea Quigley as Denise (a horny babysitter), Gilmer McCormick as Sister Margaret (The only kind nun in Billy's orphanage, who sympathizes with his plight), Britt Leach as Mr. Sims (the head of the department store), Toni Nero as Pamela (a kind co-worker at the department store whom Billy secretly pines for), Nancy Borgenicht as Mrs. Randall (The second in command at the department store), Randy Stumpf as Andy (an antogonistic co-worker at the department store) Tara Buckman as Billy's Mom, Geoff Hanson as Billy's Dad, Will Hare as Billy's Grandpa (who is the first to suggest to Billy that Santa punishes the naughty), Charles Dierkop as the Santa robber, Max Robinson as Officer Barnes, and H.E.D. Redford as Police Captain Richards.
Silent Night, Deadly Night certainly isn't of a high quality, but it sure is entertaining (and it's theme song is pretty catchy too). The acting within the film isn't great, with the only real notables being Lilyan Chauvin as Mother Superior and Robert Bryan Wilson as Billy. You buy their characters, even if they aren't fully fleshed out. The movie spends a good chunk of time crafting a backstory for Billy. It's a nice effort, but it's hard not to start to get antsy waiting for the action to begin. Billy is the closest we get to a fully realized character, but once he dons the red suit he becomes just another mindless killer.
The film itself has a lot of kills, and there is a good variety to the methods of execution. Billy doesn't just stick to an axe, and isn't afraid to get creative. Silent Night, Deadly Night certainly seems to know what it is. It's tasteless, shameless, and silly. It's not hard to see why some would find it disgusting (indeed, the film often feels like it's rated NC-17. There's a lot of sex scenes, and we get around 5 pairs of breasts in it). Upon it's release, Silent Night, Deadly Night garnered wide backlash from concerned members of the public as well as movie critics. The film was even banned for a while.
Silent Night, Deadly Night makes for a better Krampus movie than 2015's Krampus does (oddly enough). It's a mean spirited, dark Christmas exploitation film that isn't afraid to shock, disturb, and amuse. It's certainly a film of questionable quality, but it's still a lot of fun for all the wrong reasons. Those who like unconventional Christmas films will likely find much to enjoy in this sick little flick.
4.5 STARS
Child abuse, sex, breasts, attempted rape, child endangerment, and murder...all this and more await those who trek into the pitch-black world of Silent Night, Deadly Night.
In Silent Night, Deadly Night, Billy witnesses the brutal murder of his parents by a robber dressed as Santa on Christmas Night. Understandably, this traumatizes the poor kid. Things only get worse when he is sent to a Catholic orphanage run by a cruel Mother Superior (Lilyan Chauvin), who continually abuses Billy, unable to understand or sympathize with the cause for his odd and inappropriate behavior. Fast forward to ten years later, and Billy has grown into a handsome, odd, but good 18 year old (played by Robert Brian Wilson). He is hired by a department store, but when Christmas Eve rolls around he is asked to play the role of Santa for them. It doesn't take long before poor Billy completely loses his mind and sets out into the wintry night, hellbent on punishing anyone who he deems naughty.
Silent Night, Deadly Night's cast of characters are mostly unlikable. The few who aren't despicable have little screen time. It's supporting cast consists of Linnea Quigley as Denise (a horny babysitter), Gilmer McCormick as Sister Margaret (The only kind nun in Billy's orphanage, who sympathizes with his plight), Britt Leach as Mr. Sims (the head of the department store), Toni Nero as Pamela (a kind co-worker at the department store whom Billy secretly pines for), Nancy Borgenicht as Mrs. Randall (The second in command at the department store), Randy Stumpf as Andy (an antogonistic co-worker at the department store) Tara Buckman as Billy's Mom, Geoff Hanson as Billy's Dad, Will Hare as Billy's Grandpa (who is the first to suggest to Billy that Santa punishes the naughty), Charles Dierkop as the Santa robber, Max Robinson as Officer Barnes, and H.E.D. Redford as Police Captain Richards.
Silent Night, Deadly Night certainly isn't of a high quality, but it sure is entertaining (and it's theme song is pretty catchy too). The acting within the film isn't great, with the only real notables being Lilyan Chauvin as Mother Superior and Robert Bryan Wilson as Billy. You buy their characters, even if they aren't fully fleshed out. The movie spends a good chunk of time crafting a backstory for Billy. It's a nice effort, but it's hard not to start to get antsy waiting for the action to begin. Billy is the closest we get to a fully realized character, but once he dons the red suit he becomes just another mindless killer.
The film itself has a lot of kills, and there is a good variety to the methods of execution. Billy doesn't just stick to an axe, and isn't afraid to get creative. Silent Night, Deadly Night certainly seems to know what it is. It's tasteless, shameless, and silly. It's not hard to see why some would find it disgusting (indeed, the film often feels like it's rated NC-17. There's a lot of sex scenes, and we get around 5 pairs of breasts in it). Upon it's release, Silent Night, Deadly Night garnered wide backlash from concerned members of the public as well as movie critics. The film was even banned for a while.
Silent Night, Deadly Night makes for a better Krampus movie than 2015's Krampus does (oddly enough). It's a mean spirited, dark Christmas exploitation film that isn't afraid to shock, disturb, and amuse. It's certainly a film of questionable quality, but it's still a lot of fun for all the wrong reasons. Those who like unconventional Christmas films will likely find much to enjoy in this sick little flick.
4.5 STARS
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