PIRANHA 3D IS BOOBY GOOD FUN....I MEAN BLOODY

Piranhas 3D is my kind of film. It knows what it is, what its audience wants to see (and not see) and doesn't waste anytime on much else. Alexandre Aja seems to have been born with this basic understanding and puts it to use in most of his films, although Piranha 3D is by far the best one he's done. It's a fun filled homage to 80 B horror films, Jaws, and the bygone days of 3D. It was pretty nostalgic for me, as I'm sure it will be for most older teens. the 3D was done post production, thus making some scenes unfocused and blurry, but overall it works well with this film.

Piranha 3D is about the wonders of Lake Victoria during spring break. This year Derrick Jones; hit director of popular porn site Wild Wild Girls; lays anchor at Lake Victoria hoping to catch some good old fashioned teen sexploits on his camera, little does he know that he'll soon be catching alot more than bare breasts on this wild and crazy spring break. The usually crowded lake gets close to overflowing, Derrick's prescence attracting even more hot teens that are willing to bare all for the sake of the camera. Of course, all the hubub is bound to attract someone or something, in this case a hoard of prehistoric hungry piranha that have recently been unearthed from the bottom of the lake and have now decided to crash the spring break festivities as only they can. Can you say fish food?

Piranha 3D sports a pretty good leading and supporting cast. Elisabeth Shue is great as the ass-kicking sheriff of the small town, Julie Forester. She plays the role with a brody-esque (The main star from Jaws) touch making it all the more fun to watch her jump into action. Jerry O'Connell is great fun as breast obsessed porn director Derrick Jones. His closing line will go down as one of the best lines film history. Adam Scott isn't given much to do in the role of Novak, a seismologist sent to the lake to investigate the abnormal redings he's received. His best scene takes place at the spring break massacre (more on that later) where he hops onto a jet ski and pumps his shotgun. Ving Rhames as Deputy Fallon also shares a cool scene during the same sequence in which; once again; he proves how much of a bad-ass he is as he wields a boat propeller as a weapon of mass fish destruction. Steven Mcqueen is fine as Jake Forester, the son of Shue's character who is recruited to charter Derrick around the lake. Jessica Szohr is hot as Kelly, an old fling of Jake's who tags along for the ride. Most of the cast understands that they are in a full-fledged B movie epic and thus are smart enough to know that acting is not important and to just have fun with their roles.

By far though, 2 of the best parts of the film for me were Richard Dreyfuss as Matt, he basically is the same character he played in Jaws. He opens up the film drinking Amity beer and singing a familiar song. I won't give too much away except to say he isn't in the film for long. Christopher Lloyd also makes a brief cameo as Mr. Goodman, who I suspect is actually Doc Brown in disguise. His facial expressions, heavy over-reacting, and way he frantically darts around the room is sure to remind most of the old Doc and thus was a truly memorable bit role in the film.

Now onto the real true star of the film....the bare breasts. Everywhere you look you're sure to see exposed breasts and hot ass dancing across the screen like a 14 yr olds wet dream. When the Piranhas are absent and the film stalls, they use TnA to keep us, the audience, occupied while we wait for the main attraction to begin (If only they used this same methods in doctor's waiting rooms). The biggest pairs of breasts belong to Kelly Brook and Riley Steele as two stars of Wild Wild Girls that Derrick brought with him. They are both goddesses among mortals, their bodies stealing every scene their in (including a smoking hot underwater ballet which could have done with different scoring).

The Piranha's of the title are sleek, fast, hungry mofo's that seem to never be content with whatever meal they have at the moment. They are CGI, of course, but the damage they do to their victims is not. The deep gashes left on victims is achieved by practical effects, and boy did it feel good to have them in here. Both the piranhas and the damage they wreck look fantastic.

The crowning setpiece of the film is the springbreak massacre. Everywhere we look there are millions of thrashing victims being quickly ripped clean by the massive hoards of the hungry fish. Be sure to watch for some truly great death reaction shots by the extras, all of which deserve top billing for their work done here. You gotta love the cheese.

In case it isn't already obvious, I just want to state that I love P3D. I love how cheesy it is, I love the 80s feel it has to it, I love the fun atmosphere created here, and I LOOOVE the massive amount of hot ass and breasts that can be viewed in this film. I love Elisabeth Shue and the work she does here and I just gotta say god bless all those extras and Kelly and Riley for the amount of skin they fearlessly show off. Congrats P3D, You are turly the Drag Me to Hell of this year.

Overall, while Piranha 3D is not a perfect film by any stretch of the imagination, it is exactly what it billed itself to be. No dissapointments to be found here and in a summer (and year) filled with disapointments that alone makes this film worthy of 5 breasts....I mean stars.

BETTER THAN SEX

My personal favorite scene: When a topless springbreaker gives the audience a virtual motorboat. good times, good times.